THE
NEW
MACHIAVELLI
by
H
G
Wells
CONTENTS
BOOK
THE
FIRST
THE
MAKING
OF
A
MAN
I
CONCERNING
A
BOOK
THAT
WAS
NEVER
WRITTEN
II
BROMSTEAD
AND
MY
FATHER
III
SCHOLASTIC
IV
ADOLESCENCE
BOOK
THE
SECOND
MARGARET
I
MARGARET
IN
STAFFORDSHIRE
II
MARGARET
IN
LONDON
III
MARGARET
IN
VENICE
IV
THE
HOUSE
IN
WESTMINSTER
BOOK
THE
THIRD
THE
HEART
OF
POLITICS
I
THE
RIDDLE
FOR
THE
STATESMAN
II
SEEKING
ASSOCIATES
III
SECESSION
IV
THE
BESETTING
OF
SEX
BOOK
THE
FOURTH
ISABEL
I
LOVE
AND
SUCCESS
II
THE
IMPOSSIBLE
POSITION
III
THE
BREAKING
POINT
BOOK
THE
FIRST
THE
MAKING
OF
A
MAN
CHAPTER
THE
FIRST
CONCERNING
A
BOOK
THAT
WAS
NEVER
WRITTEN
1
Since
I
came
to
this
place
I
have
been
very
restless
wasting
my
energies
in
the
futile
beginning
of
ill
conceived
books
One
does
not
settle
down
very
readily
at
two
and
forty
to
a
new
way
of
living
and
I
have
found
myself
with
the
teeming
interests
of
the
life
I
have
abandoned
still
buzzing
like
a
swarm
of
homeless
bees
in
my
head
My
mind
has
been
full
of
confused
protests
and
justifications
In
any
case
I
should
have
found
difficulties
enough
in
expressing
the
complex
thing
I
have
to
tell
but
it
has
added
greatly
to
my
trouble
that
I
have
a
great
analogue
that
a
certain
Niccolo
Machiavelli
chanced
to
fall
out
of
politics
at
very
much
the
age
I
have
reached
and
wrote
a
book
to
engage
the
restlessness
of
his
mind
very
much
as
I
have
wanted
to
do
He
wrote
about
the
relation
of
the
great
constructive
spirit
in
politics
to
individual
character
and
weaknesses
and
so
far
his
achievement
lies
like
a
deep
rut
in
the
road
of
my
intention
It
has
taken
me
far
astray
It
is
a
matter
of
many
weeks
now
diversified
indeed
by
some
long
drives
into
the
mountains
behind
us
and
a
memorable
sail
to
Genoa
across
the
blue
and
purple
waters
that
drowned
Shelley
since
I
began
a
laboured
and
futile
imitation
of
The
Prince
I
sat
up
late
last
night
with
the
jumbled
accumulation
and
at
last
made
a
little
fire
of
olive
twigs
and
burnt
it
all
sheet
by
sheet
to
begin
again
clear
this
morning
But
incidentally
I
have
re
read
most
of
Machiavelli
not
excepting
those
scandalous
letters
of
his
to
Vettori
and
it
seems
to
me
now
that
I
have
released
myself
altogether
from
his
literary
precedent
that
he
still
has
his
use
for
me
In
spite
of
his
vast
prestige
I
claim
kindred
with
him
and
set
his
name
upon
my
title
page
in
partial
intimation
of
the
matter
of
my
story
He
takes
me
with
sympathy
not
only
by
reason
of
the
dream
he
pursued
and
the
humanity
of
his
politics
but
by
the
mixture
of
his
nature
His
vices
come
in
essential
to
my
issue
He
is
dead
and
gone
all
his
immediate
correlations
to
party
and
faction
have
faded
to
insignificance
leaving
only
on
the
one
hand
his
broad
method
and
conceptions
and
upon
the
other
his
intimate
living
personality
exposed
down
to
its
salacious
corners
as
the
soul
of
no
contemporary
can
ever
be
exposed
Of
those
double
strands
it
is
I
have
to
write
of
the
subtle
protesting
perplexing
play
of
instinctive
passion
and
desire
against
too
abstract
a
dream
of
statesmanship
But
things
that
seemed
to
lie
very
far
apart
in
Machiavellis
time
have
come
near
to
one
another
it
is
no
simple
story
of
white
passions
struggling
against
the
red
that
I
have
to
tell
The
state
making
dream
is
a
very
old
dream
indeed
in
the
worlds
history
It
plays
too
small
a
part
in
novels
Plato
and
Confucius
are
but
the
highest
of
a
great
host
of
minds
that
have
had
a
kindred
aspiration
have
dreamt
of
a
world
of
men
better
ordered
happier
finer
securer
They
imagined
cities
grown
more
powerful
and
peoples
made
rich
and
multitudinous
by
their
efforts
they
thought
in
terms
of
harbours
and
shining
navies
great
roads
engineered
marvellously
jungles
cleared
and
deserts
conquered
the
ending
of
muddle
and
diseases
and
dirt
and
misery
the
ending
of
confusions
that
waste
human
possibilities
they
thought
of
these
things
with
passion
and
desire
as
other
men
think
of
the
soft
lines
and
tender
beauty
of
women
Thousands
of
men
there
are
to
day
almost
mastered
by
this
white
passion
of
statecraft
and
in
nearly
every
one
who
reads
and
thinks
you
could
find
I
suspect
some
sort
of
answering
response
But
in
every
one
it
presents
itself
extraordinarily
entangled
and
mixed
up
with
other
more
intimate
things
It
was
so
with
Machiavelli
I
picture
him
at
San
Casciano
as
he
lived
in
retirement
upon
his
property
after
the
fall
of
the
Republic
perhaps
with
a
twinge
of
the
torture
that
punished
his
conspiracy
still
lurking
in
his
limbs
Such
twinges
could
not
stop
his
dreaming
Then
it
was
The
Prince
was
written
All
day
he
went
about
his
personal
affairs
saw
homely
neighbours
dealt
with
his
family
gave
vent
to
everyday
passions
He
would
sit
in
the
shop
of
Donato
del
Corno
gossiping
curiously
among
vicious
company
or
pace
the
lonely
woods
of
his
estate
book
in
hand
full
of
bitter
meditations
In
the
evening
he
returned
home
and
went
to
his
study
At
the
entrance
he
says
he
pulled
off
his
peasant
clothes
covered
with
the
dust
and
dirt
of
that
immediate
life
washed
himself
put
on
his
noble
court
dress
closed
the
door
on
the
world
of
toiling
and
getting
private
loving
private
hating
and
personal
regrets
sat
down
with
a
sigh
of
contentment
to
those
wider
dreams
I
like
to
think
of
him
so
with
brown
books
before
him
lit
by
the
light
of
candles
in
silver
candlesticks
or
heading
some
new
chapter
of
The
Prince
with
a
grey
quill
in
his
clean
fine
hand
So
writing
he
becomes
a
symbol
for
me
and
the
less
none
because
of
his
animal
humour
his
queer
indecent
side
and
because
of
such
lapses
into
utter
meanness
as
that
which
made
him
sound
the
note
of
the
begging
letter
writer
even
in
his
Dedication
reminding
His
Magnificence
very
urgently
as
if
it
were
the
gist
of
his
matter
of
the
continued
malignity
of
fortune
in
his
affairs
These
flaws
complete
him
They
are
my
reason
for
preferring
him
as
a
symbol
to
Plato
of
whose
indelicate
side
we
know
nothing
and
whose
correspondence
with
Dionysius
of
Syracuse
has
perished
or
to
Confucius
who
travelled
China
in
search
of
a
Prince
he
might
instruct
with
lapses
and
indignities
now
lost
in
the
mists
of
ages
They
have
achieved
the
apotheosis
of
individual
forgetfulness
and
Plato
has
the
added
glory
of
that
acquired
beauty
that
bust
of
the
Indian
Bacchus
which
is
now
indissolubly
mingled
with
his
tradition
They
have
passed
into
the
world
of
the
ideal
and
every
humbug
takes
his
freedoms
with
their
names
But
Machiavelli
more
recent
and
less
popular
is
still
all
human
and
earthly
a
fallen
brother
and
at
the
same
time
that
nobly
dressed
and
nobly
dreaming
writer
at
the
desk
That
vision
of
the
strengthened
and
perfected
state
is
protagonist
in
my
story
But
as
I
re
read
The
Prince
and
thought
out
the
manner
of
my
now
abandoned
project
I
came
to
perceive
how
that
stir
and
whirl
of
human
thought
one
calls
by
way
of
embodiment
the
French
Revolution
has
altered
absolutely
the
approach
to
such
a
question
Machiavelli
like
Plato
and
Pythagoras
and
Confucius
two
hundred
odd
decades
before
him
saw
only
one
method
by
which
a
thinking
man
himself
not
powerful
might
do
the
work
of
state
building
and
that
was
by
seizing
the
imagination
of
a
Prince
Directly
these
men
turned
their
thoughts
towards
realisation
their
attitudes
became
what
shall
I
call
it
secretarial
Machiavelli
it
is
true
had
some
little
doubts
about
the
particular
Prince
he
wanted
whether
it
was
Caesar
Borgia
of
Giuliano
or
Lorenzo
but
a
Prince
it
had
to
be
Before
I
saw
clearly
the
differences
of
our
own
time
I
searched
my
mind
for
the
modern
equivalent
of
a
Prince
At
various
times
I
redrafted
a
parallel
dedication
to
the
Prince
of
Wales
to
the
Emperor
William
to
Mr
Evesham
to
a
certain
newspaper
proprietor
who
was
once
my
schoolfellow
at
City
Merchants
to
Mr
J
D
Rockefeller
all
of
them
men
in
their
several
ways
and
circumstances
and
possibilities
princely
Yet
in
every
case
my
pen
bent
of
its
own
accord
towards
irony
because
because
although
at
first
I
did
not
realise
it
I
myself
am
just
as
free
to
be
a
prince
The
appeal
was
unfair
The
old
sort
of
Prince
the
old
little
principality
has
vanished
from
the
world
The
commonweal
is
one
mans
absolute
estate
and
responsibility
no
more
In
Machiavellis
time
it
was
indeed
to
an
extreme
degree
one
mans
affair
But
the
days
of
the
Prince
who
planned
and
directed
and
was
the
source
and
centre
of
all
power
are
ended
We
are
in
a
condition
of
affairs
infinitely
more
complex
in
which
every
prince
and
statesman
is
something
of
a
servant
and
every
intelligent
human
being
something
of
a
Prince
No
magnificent
pensive
Lorenzos
remain
any
more
in
this
world
for
secretarial
hopes
In
a
sense
it
is
wonderful
how
power
has
vanished
in
a
sense
wonderful
how
it
has
increased
I
sit
here
an
unarmed
discredited
man
at
a
small
writing
table
in
a
little
defenceless
dwelling
among
the
vines
and
no
human
being
can
stop
my
pen
except
by
the
deliberate
self
immolation
of
murdering
me
nor
destroy
its
fruits
except
by
theft
and
crime
No
King
no
council
can
seize
and
torture
me
no
Church
no
nation
silence
me
Such
powers
of
ruthless
and
complete
suppression
have
vanished
But
that
is
not
because
power
has
diminished
but
because
it
has
increased
and
become
multitudinous
because
it
has
dispersed
itself
and
specialised
It
is
no
longer
a
negative
power
we
have
but
positive
we
cannot
prevent
but
we
can
do
This
age
far
beyond
all
previous
ages
is
full
of
powerful
men
men
who
might
if
they
had
the
will
for
it
achieve
stupendous
things
The
things
that
might
be
done
to
day
The
things
indeed
that
are
being
done
It
is
the
latter
that
give
one
so
vast
a
sense
of
the
former
When
I
think
of
the
progress
of
physical
and
mechanical
science
of
medicine
and
sanitation
during
the
last
century
when
I
measure
the
increase
in
general
education
and
average
efficiency
the
power
now
available
for
human
service
the
merely
physical
increment
and
compare
it
with
anything
that
has
ever
been
at
mans
disposal
before
and
when
I
think
of
what
a
little
straggling
incidental
undisciplined
and
uncoordinated
minority
of
inventors
experimenters
educators
writers
and
organisers
has
achieved
this
development
of
human
possibilities
achieved
it
in
spite
of
the
disregard
and
aimlessness
of
the
huge
majority
and
the
passionate
resistance
of
the
active
dull
my
imagination
grows
giddy
with
dazzling
intimations
of
the
human
splendours
the
justly
organised
state
may
yet
attain
I
glimpse
for
a
bewildering
instant
the
heights
that
may
be
scaled
the
splendid
enterprises
made
possible
But
the
appeal
goes
out
now
in
other
forms
in
a
book
that
catches
at
thousands
of
readers
for
the
eye
of
a
Prince
diffused
It
is
the
old
appeal
indeed
for
the
unification
of
human
effort
the
ending
of
confusions
but
instead
of
the
Machiavellian
deference
to
a
flattered
lord
a
man
cries
out
of
his
heart
to
the
unseen
fellowship
about
him
The
last
written
dedication
of
all
those
I
burnt
last
night
was
to
no
single
man
but
to
the
socially
constructive
passion
in
any
man
There
is
moreover
a
second
great
difference
in
kind
between
my
world
and
Machiavellis
We
are
discovering
women
It
is
as
if
they
had
come
across
a
vast
interval
since
his
time
into
the
very
chamber
of
the
statesman
2
In
Machiavellis
outlook
the
interest
of
womanhood
was
in
a
region
of
life
almost
infinitely
remote
from
his
statecraft
They
were
the
vehicle
of
children
but
only
Imperial
Rome
and
the
new
world
of
to
day
have
ever
had
an
inkling
of
the
significance
that
might
give
them
in
the
state
They
did
their
work
he
thought
as
the
ploughed
earth
bears
its
crops
Apart
from
their
function
of
fertility
they
gave
a
humorous
twist
to
life
stimulated
worthy
men
to
toil
and
wasted
the
hours
of
Princes
He
left
the
thought
of
women
outside
with
his
other
dusty
things
when
he
went
into
his
study
to
write
dismissed
them
from
his
mind
But
our
modern
world
is
burthened
with
its
sense
of
the
immense
now
half
articulate
significance
of
women
They
stand
now
as
it
were
close
beside
the
silver
candlesticks
speaking
as
Machiavelli
writes
until
he
stays
his
pen
and
turns
to
discuss
his
writing
with
them
It
is
this
gradual
discovery
of
sex
as
a
thing
collectively
portentous
that
I
have
to
mingle
with
my
statecraft
if
my
picture
is
to
be
true
which
has
turned
me
at
length
from
a
treatise
to
the
telling
of
my
own
story
In
my
life
I
have
paralleled
very
closely
the
slow
realisations
that
are
going
on
in
the
world
about
me
I
began
life
ignoring
women
they
came
to
me
at
first
perplexing
and
dishonouring
only
very
slowly
and
very
late
in
my
life
and
after
misadventure
did
I
gauge
the
power
and
beauty
of
the
love
of
man
and
woman
and
learnt
how
it
must
needs
frame
a
justifiable
vision
of
the
ordered
world
Love
has
brought
me
to
disaster
because
my
career
had
been
planned
regardless
of
its
possibility
and
value
But
Machiavelli
it
seems
to
me
when
he
went
into
his
study
left
not
only
the
earth
of
life
outside
but
its
unsuspected
soul
3
Like
Machiavelli
at
San
Casciano
if
I
may
take
this
analogy
one
step
further
I
too
am
an
exile
Office
and
leading
are
closed
to
me
The
political
career
that
promised
so
much
for
me
is
shattered
and
ended
for
ever
I
look
out
from
this
vine
wreathed
veranda
under
the
branches
of
a
stone
pine
I
see
wide
and
far
across
a
purple
valley
whose
sides
are
terraced
and
set
with
houses
of
pine
and
ivory
the
Gulf
of
Liguria
gleaming
sapphire
blue
and
cloud
like
baseless
mountains
hanging
in
the
sky
and
I
think
of
lank
and
coaly
steamships
heaving
on
the
grey
rollers
of
the
English
Channel
and
darkling
streets
wet
with
rain
I
recall
as
if
I
were
back
there
the
busy
exit
from
Charing
Cross
the
cross
and
the
money
changers
offices
the
splendid
grime
of
giant
London
and
the
crowds
going
perpetually
to
and
fro
the
lights
by
night
and
the
urgency
and
eventfulness
of
that
great
rain
swept
heart
of
the
modern
world
It
is
difficult
to
think
we
have
left
that
for
many
years
if
not
for
ever
In
thought
I
walk
once
more
in
Palace
Yard
and
hear
the
clink
and
clatter
of
hansoms
and
the
quick
quiet
whirr
of
motors
I
go
in
vivid
recent
memories
through
the
stir
in
the
lobbies
I
sit
again
at
eventful
dinners
in
those
old
dining
rooms
like
cellars
below
the
House
dinners
that
ended
with
shrill
division
bells
I
think
of
huge
clubs
swarming
and
excited
by
the
bulletins
of
that
electoral
battle
that
was
for
me
the
opening
opportunity
I
see
the
stencilled
names
and
numbers
go
up
on
the
green
baize
constituency
after
constituency
amidst
murmurs
or
loud
shouting
It
is
over
for
me
now
and
vanished
That
opportunity
will
come
no
more
Very
probably
you
have
heard
already
some
crude
inaccurate
version
of
our
story
and
why
I
did
not
take
office
and
have
formed
your
partial
judgement
on
me
And
so
it
is
I
sit
now
at
my
stone
table
half
out
of
life
already
in
a
warm
large
shadowy
leisure
splashed
with
sunlight
and
hung
with
vine
tendrils
with
paper
before
me
to
distil
such
wisdom
as
I
can
as
Machiavelli
in
his
exile
sought
to
do
from
the
things
I
have
learnt
and
felt
during
the
career
that
has
ended
now
in
my
divorce
I
climbed
high
and
fast
from
small
beginnings
I
had
the
mind
of
my
party
I
do
not
know
where
I
might
not
have
ended
but
for
this
red
blaze
that
came
out
of
my
unguarded
nature
and
closed
my
career
for
ever
CHAPTER
THE
SECOND
BROMSTEAD
AND
MY
FATHER
1
I
dreamt
first
of
states
and
cities
and
political
things
when
I
was
a
little
boy
in
knickerbockers
When
I
think
of
how
such
things
began
in
my
mind
there
comes
back
to
me
the
memory
of
an
enormous
bleak
room
with
its
ceiling
going
up
to
heaven
and
its
floor
covered
irregularly
with
patched
and
defective
oilcloth
and
a
dingy
mat
or
so
and
a
surround
as
they
call
it
of
dark
stained
wood
Here
and
there
against
the
wall
are
trunks
and
boxes
There
are
cupboards
on
either
side
of
the
fireplace
and
bookshelves
with
books
above
them
and
on
the
wall
and
rather
tattered
is
a
large
yellow
varnished
geological
map
of
the
South
of
England
Over
the
mantel
is
a
huge
lump
of
white
coral
rock
and
several
big
fossil
bones
and
above
that
hangs
the
portrait
of
a
brainy
gentleman
sliced
in
half
and
displaying
an
interior
of
intricate
detail
and
much
vigour
of
coloring
It
is
the
floor
I
think
of
chiefly
over
the
oilcloth
of
which
assumed
to
be
land
spread
towns
and
villages
and
forts
of
wooden
bricks
there
are
steep
square
hills
geologically
volumes
of
Orrs
CYCLOPAEDIA
OF
THE
SCIENCES
and
the
cracks
and
spaces
of
the
floor
and
the
bare
brown
surround
were
the
water
channels
and
open
sea
of
that
continent
of
mine
I
still
remember
with
infinite
gratitude
the
great
uncle
to
whom
I
owe
my
bricks
He
must
have
been
one
of
those
rare
adults
who
have
not
forgotten
the
chagrins
and
dreams
of
childhood
He
was
a
prosperous
west
of
England
builder
including
my
father
he
had
three
nephews
and
for
each
of
them
he
caused
a
box
of
bricks
to
be
made
by
an
out
of
work
carpenter
not
the
insufficient
supply
of
the
toyshop
you
understand
but
a
really
adequate
quantity
of
bricks
made
out
of
oak
and
shaped
and
smoothed
bricks
about
five
inches
by
two
and
a
half
by
one
and
half
bricks
and
quarter
bricks
to
correspond
There
were
hundreds
of
them
many
hundreds
I
could
build
six
towers
as
high
as
myself
with
them
and
there
seemed
quite
enough
for
every
engineering
project
I
could
undertake
I
could
build
whole
towns
with
streets
and
houses
and
churches
and
citadels
I
could
bridge
every
gap
in
the
oilcloth
and
make
causeways
over
crumpled
spaces
which
I
feigned
to
be
morasses
and
on
a
keel
of
whole
bricks
it
was
possible
to
construct
ships
to
push
over
the
high
seas
to
the
remotest
port
in
the
room
And
a
disciplined
population
that
rose
at
last
by
sedulous
begging
on
birthdays
and
all
convenient
occasions
to
well
over
two
hundred
of
lead
sailors
and
soldiers
horse
foot
and
artillery
inhabited
this
world
Justice
has
never
been
done
to
bricks
and
soldiers
by
those
who
write
about
toys
The
praises
of
the
toy
theatre
have
been
a
common
theme
for
essayists
the
planning
of
the
scenes
the
painting
and
cutting
out
of
the
caste
penny
plain
twopence
coloured
the
stink
and
glory
of
the
performance
and
the
final
conflagration
I
had
such
a
theatre
once
but
I
never
loved
it
nor
hoped
for
much
from
it
my
bricks
and
soldiers
were
my
perpetual
drama
I
recall
an
incessant
variety
of
interests
There
was
the
mystery
and
charm
of
the
complicated
buildings
one
could
make
with
long
passages
and
steps
and
windows
through
which
one
peeped
into
their
intricacies
and
by
means
of
slips
of
card
one
could
make
slanting
ways
in
them
and
send
marbles
rolling
from
top
to
base
and
thence
out
into
the
hold
of
a
waiting
ship
Then
there
were
the
fortresses
and
gun
emplacements
and
covered
ways
in
which
ones
soldiers
went
And
there
was
commerce
the
shops
and
markets
and
store
rooms
full
of
nasturtium
seed
thrift
seed
lupin
beans
and
suchlike
provender
from
the
garden
such
stuff
one
stored
in
match
boxes
and
pill
boxes
or
packed
in
sacks
of
old
glove
fingers
tied
up
with
thread
and
sent
off
by
waggons
along
the
great
military
road
to
the
beleaguered
fortress
on
the
Indian
frontier
beyond
the
worn
places
that
were
dismal
swamps
And
there
were
battles
on
the
way
That
great
road
is
still
clear
in
my
memory
I
was
given
I
forget
by
what
benefactor
certain
particularly
fierce
red
Indians
of
lead
I
have
never
seen
such
soldiers
since
and
for
these
my
father
helped
me
to
make
tepees
of
brown
paper
and
I
settled
them
in
a
hitherto
desolate
country
under
the
frowning
nail
studded
cliffs
of
an
ancient
trunk
Then
I
conquered
them
and
garrisoned
their
land
Alas
they
died
no
doubt
through
contact
with
civilisation
one
my
mother
trod
on
and
their
land
became
a
wilderness
again
and
was
ravaged
for
a
time
by
a
clockwork
crocodile
of
vast
proportions
And
out
towards
the
coal
scuttle
was
a
region
near
the
impassable
thickets
of
the
ragged
hearthrug
where
lived
certain
china
Zulus
brandishing
spears
and
a
mountain
country
of
rudely
piled
bricks
concealing
the
most
devious
and
enchanting
caves
and
several
mines
of
gold
and
silver
paper
Among
these
rocks
a
number
of
survivors
from
a
Noahs
Ark
made
a
various
dangerous
albeit
frequently
invalid
and
crippled
fauna
and
I
was
wont
to
increase
the
uncultivated
wildness
of
this
region
further
by
trees
of
privet
twigs
from
the
garden
hedge
and
box
from
the
garden
borders
By
these
territories
went
my
Imperial
Road
carrying
produce
to
and
fro
bridging
gaps
in
the
oilcloth
tunnelling
through
Encyclopaedic
hills
one
tunnel
was
three
volumes
long
defended
as
occasion
required
by
camps
of
paper
tents
or
brick
blockhouses
and
ending
at
last
in
a
magnificently
engineered
ascent
to
a
fortress
on
the
cliffs
commanding
the
Indian
reservation
My
games
upon
the
floor
must
have
spread
over
several
years
and
developed
from
small
beginnings
incorporating
now
this
suggestion
and
now
that
They
stretch
I
suppose
from
seven
to
eleven
or
twelve
I
played
them
intermittently
and
they
bulk
now
in
the
retrospect
far
more
significantly
than
they
did
at
the
time
I
played
them
in
bursts
and
then
forgot
them
for
long
periods
through
the
spring
and
summer
I
was
mostly
out
of
doors
and
school
and
classes
caught
me
early
And
in
the
retrospect
I
see
them
all
not
only
magnified
and
transfigured
but
fore
shortened
and
confused
together
A
clockwork
railway
I
seem
to
remember
came
and
went
one
or
two
clockwork
boats
toy
sailing
ships
that
being
keeled
would
do
nothing
but
lie
on
their
beam
ends
on
the
floor
a
detestable
lot
of
cavalrymen
undersized
and
gilt
all
over
given
me
by
a
maiden
aunt
and
very
much
what
one
might
expect
from
an
aunt
that
I
used
as
Nero
used
his
Christians
to
ornament
my
public
buildings
and
I
finally
melted
some
into
fratricidal
bullets
and
therewith
blew
the
rest
to
flat
splashes
of
lead
by
means
of
a
brass
cannon
in
the
garden
I
find
this
empire
of
the
floor
much
more
vivid
and
detailed
in
my
memory
now
than
many
of
the
owners
of
the
skirts
and
legs
and
boots
that
went
gingerly
across
its
territories
Occasionally
alas
they
stooped
to
scrub
abolishing
in
one
universal
destruction
the
slow
growth
of
whole
days
of
civilised
development
I
still
remember
the
hatred
and
disgust
of
these
catastrophes
Like
Noah
I
was
given
warnings
Did
I
disregard
them
coarse
red
hands
would
descend
plucking
garrisons
from
fortresses
and
sailors
from
ships
jumbling
them
up
in
their
wrong
boxes
clumsily
so
that
their
rifles
and
swords
were
broken
sweeping
the
splendid
curves
of
the
Imperial
Road
into
heaps
of
ruins
casting
the
jungle
growth
of
Zululand
into
the
fire
Well
Master
Dick
the
voice
of
this
cosmic
calamity
would
say
you
ought
to
have
put
them
away
last
night
No
I
cant
wait
until
youve
sailed
them
all
away
in
ships
I
got
my
work
to
do
and
do
it
I
will
And
in
no
time
all
my
continents
and
lands
were
swirling
water
and
swiping
strokes
of
house
flannel
That
was
the
worst
of
my
giant
visitants
but
my
mother
too
dear
lady
was
something
of
a
terror
to
this
microcosm
She
wore
spring
sided
boots
a
kind
of
boot
now
vanished
I
believe
from
the
world
with
dull
bodies
and
shiny
toes
and
a
silk
dress
with
flounces
that
were
very
destructive
to
the
more
hazardous
viaducts
of
the
Imperial
Road
She
was
always
I
seem
to
remember
fetching
me
fetching
me
for
a
meal
fetching
me
for
a
walk
or
detestable
absurdity
fetching
me
for
a
wash
and
brush
up
and
she
never
seemed
to
understand
anything
whatever
of
the
political
Systems
across
which
she
came
to
me
Also
she
forbade
all
toys
on
Sundays
except
the
bricks
for
church
building
and
the
soldiers
for
church
parade
or
a
Scriptural
use
of
the
remains
of
the
Noahs
Ark
mixed
up
with
a
wooden
Swiss
dairy
farm
But
she
really
did
not
know
whether
a
thing
was
a
church
or
not
unless
it
positively
bristled
with
cannon
and
many
a
Sunday
afternoon
have
I
played
Chicago
with
the
fear
of
God
in
my
heart
under
an
infidel
pretence
that
it
was
a
new
sort
of
ark
rather
elaborately
done
Chicago
I
must
explain
was
based
upon
my
fathers
description
of
the
pig
slaughterings
in
that
city
and
certain
pictures
I
had
seen
You
made
your
beasts
which
were
all
the
ark
lot
really
provisionally
conceived
as
pigs
go
up
elaborate
approaches
to
a
central
pen
from
which
they
went
down
a
cardboard
slide
four
at
a
time
and
dropped
most
satisfyingly
down
a
brick
shaft
and
pitter
litter
over
some
steep
steps
to
where
a
head
slaughterman
ne
Noah
strung
a
cotton
loop
round
their
legs
and
sent
them
by
pin
hooks
along
a
wire
to
a
second
slaughterman
with
a
chipped
foot
formerly
Mrs
Noah
who
if
I
remember
rightly
converted
them
into
Army
sausage
by
means
of
a
portion
of
the
inside
of
an
old
alarum
clock
My
mother
did
not
understand
my
games
but
my
father
did
He
wore
bright
coloured
socks
and
carpet
slippers
when
he
was
indoors
my
mother
disliked
boots
in
the
house
and
he
would
sit
down
on
my
little
chair
and
survey
the
microcosm
on
the
floor
with
admirable
understanding
and
sympathy
It
was
he
gave
me
most
of
my
toys
and
I
more
than
suspect
most
of
my
ideas
Heres
some
corrugated
iron
he
would
say
suitable
for
roofs
and
fencing
and
hand
me
a
lump
of
that
stiff
crinkled
paper
that
is
used
for
packing
medicine
bottles
Or
Dick
do
you
see
the
tiger
loose
near
the
Imperial
Road
wont
do
for
your
cattle
ranch
And
I
would
find
a
bright
new
lead
tiger
like
a
special
creation
at
large
in
the
world
and
demanding
a
hunting
expedition
and
much
elaborate
effort
to
get
him
safely
housed
in
the
city
menagerie
beside
the
captured
dragon
crocodile
tamed
now
and
his
key
lost
and
the
heart
and
spring
gone
out
of
him
And
to
the
various
irregular
reading
of
my
father
I
owe
the
inestimable
blessing
of
never
having
a
boys
book
in
my
boyhood
except
those
of
Jules
Verne
But
my
father
used
to
get
books
for
himself
and
me
from
the
Bromstead
Institute
Fenimore
Cooper
and
Mayne
Reid
and
illustrated
histories
one
of
the
Russo
Turkish
war
and
one
of
Napiers
expedition
to
Abyssinia
I
read
from
end
to
end
Stanley
and
Livingstone
lives
of
Wellington
Napoleon
and
Garibaldi
and
back
volumes
of
PUNCH
from
which
I
derived
conceptions
of
foreign
and
domestic
politics
it
has
taken
years
of
adult
reflection
to
correct
And
at
home
permanently
we
had
Woods
NATURAL
HISTORY
a
brand
new
illustrated
Greens
HISTORY
OF
THE
ENGLISH
PEOPLE
Irvings
COMPANIONS
OF
COLUMBUS
a
great
number
of
unbound
parts
of
some
geographical
work
a
VOYAGE
ROUND
THE
WORLD
I
think
it
was
called
with
pictures
of
foreign
places
and
Clarkes
NEW
TESTAMENT
with
a
map
of
Palestine
and
a
variety
of
other
informing
books
bought
at
sales
There
was
a
Sowerbys
BOTANY
also
with
thousands
of
carefully
tinted
pictures
of
British
plants
and
one
or
two
other
important
works
in
the
sitting
room
I
was
allowed
to
turn
these
over
and
even
lie
on
the
floor
with
them
on
Sundays
and
other
occasions
of
exceptional
cleanliness
And
in
the
attic
I
found
one
day
a
very
old
forgotten
map
after
the
fashion
of
a
birds
eye
view
representing
the
Crimea
that
fascinated
me
and
kept
me
for
hours
navigating
its
waters
with
a
pin
2
My
father
was
a
lank
limbed
man
in
easy
shabby
tweed
clothes
and
with
his
hands
in
his
trouser
pockets
He
was
a
science
teacher
taking
a
number
of
classes
at
the
Bromstead
Institute
in
Kent
under
the
old
Science
and
Art
Department
and
visiting
various
schools
and
our
resources
were
eked
out
by
my
mothers
income
of
nearly
a
hundred
pounds
a
year
and
by
his
inheritance
of
a
terrace
of
three
palatial
but
structurally
unsound
stucco
houses
near
Bromstead
Station
They
were
big
clumsy
residences
in
the
earliest
Victorian
style
interminably
high
and
with
deep
damp
basements
and
downstairs
coal
cellars
and
kitchens
that
suggested
an
architect
vindictively
devoted
to
the
discomfort
of
the
servant
class
If
so
he
had
overreached
himself
and
defeated
his
end
for
no
servant
would
stay
in
them
unless
for
exceptional
wages
or
exceptional
tolerance
of
inefficiency
or
exceptional
freedom
in
repartee
Every
storey
in
the
house
was
from
twelve
to
fifteen
feet
high
which
would
have
been
cool
and
pleasant
in
a
hot
climate
and
the
stairs
went
steeply
up
to
end
at
last
in
attics
too
inaccessible
for
occupation
The
ceilings
had
vast
plaster
cornices
of
classical
design
fragments
of
which
would
sometimes
fall
unexpectedly
and
the
wall
papers
were
bold
and
gigantic
in
pattern
and
much
variegated
by
damp
and
ill
mended
rents
As
my
father
was
quite
unable
to
let
more
than
one
of
these
houses
at
a
time
and
that
for
the
most
part
to
eccentric
and
undesirable
tenants
he
thought
it
politic
to
live
in
one
of
the
two
others
and
devote
the
rent
he
received
from
the
let
one
when
it
was
let
to
the
incessant
necessary
repairing
of
all
three
He
also
did
some
of
the
repairing
himself
and
smoking
a
bull
dog
pipe
the
while
which
my
mother
would
not
allow
him
to
do
in
the
house
he
cultivated
vegetables
in
a
sketchy
unpunctual
and
not
always
successful
manner
in
the
unoccupied
gardens
The
three
houses
faced
north
and
the
back
of
the
one
we
occupied
was
covered
by
a
grape
vine
that
yielded
I
remember
small
green
grapes
for
pies
in
the
spring
and
imperfectly
ripe
black
grapes
in
favourable
autumns
for
the
purposes
of
dessert
The
grape
vine
played
an
important
part
in
my
life
for
my
father
broke
his
neck
while
he
was
pruning
it
when
I
was
thirteen
My
father
was
what
is
called
a
man
of
ideas
but
they
were
not
always
good
ideas
My
grandfather
had
been
a
private
schoolmaster
and
one
of
the
founders
of
the
College
of
Preceptors
and
my
father
had
assisted
him
in
his
school
until
increasing
competition
and
diminishing
attendance
had
made
it
evident
that
the
days
of
small
private
schools
kept
by
unqualified
persons
were
numbered
Thereupon
my
father
had
roused
himself
and
had
qualified
as
a
science
teacher
under
the
Science
and
Art
Department
which
in
these
days
had
charge
of
the
scientific
and
artistic
education
of
the
mass
of
the
English
population
and
had
thrown
himself
into
science
teaching
and
the
earning
of
government
grants
therefor
with
great
if
transitory
zeal
and
success
I
do
not
remember
anything
of
my
fathers
earlier
and
more
energetic
time
I
was
the
child
of
my
parents
middle
years
they
married
when
my
father
was
thirty
five
and
my
mother
past
forty
and
I
saw
only
the
last
decadent
phase
of
his
educational
career
The
Science
and
Art
Department
has
vanished
altogether
from
the
world
and
people
are
forgetting
it
now
with
the
utmost
readiness
and
generosity
Part
of
its
substance
and
staff
and
spirit
survive
more
or
less
completely
digested
into
the
Board
of
Education
The
world
does
move
on
even
in
its
government
It
is
wonderful
how
many
of
the
clumsy
and
limited
governing
bodies
of
my
youth
and
early
manhood
have
given
place
now
to
more
scientific
and
efficient
machinery
When
I
was
a
boy
Bromstead
which
is
now
a
borough
was
ruled
by
a
strange
body
called
a
Local
Board
it
was
the
Age
of
Boards
and
I
still
remember
indistinctly
my
father
rejoicing
at
the
breakfast
table
over
the
liberation
of
London
from
the
corrupt
and
devastating
control
of
a
Metropolitan
Board
of
Works
Then
there
were
also
School
Boards
I
was
already
practically
in
politics
before
the
London
School
Board
was
absorbed
by
the
spreading
tentacles
of
the
London
County
Council
It
gives
a
measure
of
the
newness
of
our
modern
ideas
of
the
State
to
remember
that
the
very
beginnings
of
public
education
lie
within
my
fathers
lifetime
and
that
many
most
intelligent
and
patriotic
people
were
shocked
beyond
measure
at
the
State
doing
anything
of
the
sort
When
he
was
born
totally
illiterate
people
who
could
neither
read
a
book
nor
write
more
than
perhaps
a
clumsy
signature
were
to
be
found
everywhere
in
England
and
great
masses
of
the
population
were
getting
no
instruction
at
all
Only
a
few
schools
flourished
upon
the
patronage
of
exceptional
parents
all
over
the
country
the
old
endowed
grammar
schools
were
to
be
found
sinking
and
dwindling
many
of
them
had
closed
altogether
In
the
new
great
centres
of
population
multitudes
of
children
were
sweated
in
the
factories
darkly
ignorant
and
wretched
and
the
under
equipped
and
under
staffed
National
and
British
schools
supported
by
voluntary
contributions
and
sectarian
rivalries
made
an
ineffectual
fight
against
this
festering
darkness
It
was
a
condition
of
affairs
clamouring
for
remedies
but
there
was
an
immense
amount
of
indifference
and
prejudice
to
be
overcome
before
any
remedies
were
possible
Perhaps
some
day
some
industrious
and
lucid
historian
will
disentangle
all
the
muddle
of
impulses
and
antagonisms
the
commercialism
utilitarianism
obstinate
conservatism
humanitarian
enthusiasm
out
of
which
our
present
educational
organisation
arose
I
have
long
since
come
to
believe
it
necessary
that
all
new
social
institutions
should
be
born
in
confusion
and
that
at
first
they
should
present
chiefly
crude
and
ridiculous
aspects
The
distrust
of
government
in
the
Victorian
days
was
far
too
great
and
the
general
intelligence
far
too
low
to
permit
the
State
to
go
about
the
new
business
it
was
taking
up
in
a
businesslike
way
to
train
teachers
build
and
equip
schools
endow
pedagogic
research
and
provide
properly
written
school
books
These
things
it
was
felt
MUST
be
provided
by
individual
and
local
effort
and
since
it
was
manifest
that
it
was
individual
and
local
effort
that
were
in
default
it
was
reluctantly
agreed
to
stimulate
them
by
money
payments
The
State
set
up
a
machinery
of
examination
both
in
Science
and
Art
and
for
the
elementary
schools
and
payments
known
technically
as
grants
were
made
in
accordance
with
the
examination
results
attained
to
such
schools
as
Providence
might
see
fit
to
send
into
the
world
In
this
way
it
was
felt
the
Demand
would
be
established
that
would
according
to
the
beliefs
of
that
time
inevitably
ensure
the
Supply
An
industry
of
Grant
earning
was
created
and
this
would
give
education
as
a
necessary
by
product
In
the
end
this
belief
was
found
to
need
qualification
but
Grant
earning
was
still
in
full
activity
when
I
was
a
small
boy
So
far
as
the
Science
and
Art
Department
and
my
father
are
concerned
the
task
of
examination
was
entrusted
to
eminent
scientific
men
for
the
most
part
quite
unaccustomed
to
teaching
You
see
if
they
also
were
teaching
similar
classes
to
those
they
examined
it
was
feared
that
injustice
might
be
done
Year
after
year
these
eminent
persons
set
questions
and
employed
subordinates
to
read
and
mark
the
increasing
thousands
of
answers
that
ensued
and
having
no
doubt
the
national
ideal
of
fairness
well
developed
in
their
minds
they
were
careful
each
year
to
re
read
the
preceding
papers
before
composing
the
current
one
in
order
to
see
what
it
was
usual
to
ask
As
a
result
of
this
in
the
course
of
a
few
years
the
recurrence
and
permutation
of
questions
became
almost
calculable
and
since
the
practical
object
of
the
teaching
was
to
teach
people
not
science
but
how
to
write
answers
to
these
questions
the
industry
of
Grant
earning
assumed
a
form
easily
distinguished
from
any
kind
of
genuine
education
whatever
Other
remarkable
compromises
had
also
to
be
made
with
the
spirit
of
the
age
The
unfortunate
conflict
between
Religion
and
Science
prevalent
at
this
time
was
mitigated
if
I
remember
rightly
by
making
graduates
in
arts
and
priests
in
the
established
church
Science
Teachers
EX
OFFICIO
and
leaving
local
and
private
enterprise
to
provide
schools
diagrams
books
material
according
to
the
conceptions
of
efficiency
prevalent
in
the
district
Private
enterprise
made
a
particularly
good
thing
of
the
books
A
number
of
competing
firms
of
publishers
sprang
into
existence
specialising
in
Science
and
Art
Department
work
they
set
themselves
to
produce
text
books
that
should
supply
exactly
the
quantity
and
quality
of
knowledge
necessary
for
every
stage
of
each
of
five
and
twenty
subjects
into
which
desirable
science
was
divided
and
copies
and
models
and
instructions
that
should
give
precisely
the
method
and
gestures
esteemed
as
proficiency
in
art
Every
section
of
each
book
was
written
in
the
idiom
found
to
be
most
satisfactory
to
the
examiners
and
test
questions
extracted
from
papers
set
in
former
years
were
appended
to
every
chapter
By
means
of
these
last
the
teacher
was
able
to
train
his
class
to
the
very
highest
level
of
grant
earning
efficiency
and
very
naturally
he
cast
all
other
methods
of
exposition
aside
First
he
posed
his
pupils
with
questions
and
then
dictated
model
replies
That
was
my
fathers
method
of
instruction
I
attended
his
classes
as
an
elementary
grant
earner
from
the
age
of
ten
until
his
death
and
it
is
so
I
remember
him
sitting
on
the
edge
of
a
table
smothering
a
yawn
occasionally
and
giving
out
the
infallible
formulae
to
the
industriously
scribbling
class
sitting
in
rows
of
desks
before
him
Occasionally
be
would
slide
to
his
feet
and
go
to
a
blackboard
on
an
easel
and
draw
on
that
very
slowly
and
deliberately
in
coloured
chalks
a
diagram
for
the
class
to
copy
in
coloured
pencils
and
sometimes
he
would
display
a
specimen
or
arrange
an
experiment
for
them
to
see
The
room
in
the
Institute
in
which
he
taught
was
equipped
with
a
certain
amount
of
apparatus
prescribed
as
necessary
for
subject
this
and
subject
that
by
the
Science
and
Art
Department
and
this
my
father
would
supplement
with
maps
and
diagrams
and
drawings
of
his
own
But
he
never
really
did
experiments
except
that
in
the
class
in
systematic
botany
he
sometimes
made
us
tease
common
flowers
to
pieces
He
did
not
do
experiments
if
he
could
possibly
help
it
because
in
the
first
place
they
used
up
time
and
gas
for
the
Bunsen
burner
and
good
material
in
a
ruinous
fashion
and
in
the
second
they
were
in
his
rather
careless
and
sketchy
hands
apt
to
endanger
the
apparatus
of
the
Institute
and
even
the
lives
of
his
students
Then
thirdly
real
experiments
involved
washing
up
And
moreover
they
always
turned
out
wrong
and
sometimes
misled
the
too
observant
learner
very
seriously
and
opened
demoralising
controversies
Quite
early
in
life
I
acquired
an
almost
ineradicable
sense
of
the
unscientific
perversity
of
Nature
and
the
impassable
gulf
that
is
fixed
between
systematic
science
and
elusive
fact
I
knew
for
example
that
in
science
whether
it
be
subject
XII
Organic
Chemistry
or
subject
XVII
Animal
Physiology
when
you
blow
into
a
glass
of
lime
water
it
instantly
becomes
cloudy
and
if
you
continue
to
blow
it
clears
again
whereas
in
truth
you
may
blow
into
the
stuff
from
the
lime
water
bottle
until
you
are
crimson
in
the
face
and
painful
under
the
ears
and
it
never
becomes
cloudy
at
all
And
I
knew
too
that
in
science
if
you
put
potassium
chlorate
into
a
retort
and
heat
it
over
a
Bunsen
burner
oxygen
is
disengaged
and
may
be
collected
over
water
whereas
in
real
life
if
you
do
anything
of
the
sort
the
vessel
cracks
with
a
loud
report
the
potassium
chlorate
descends
sizzling
upon
the
flame
the
experimenter
says
Oh
Damn
with
astonishing
heartiness
and
distinctness
and
a
lady
student
in
the
back
seats
gets
up
and
leaves
the
room
Science
is
the
organised
conquest
of
Nature
and
I
can
quite
understand
that
ancient
libertine
refusing
to
cooperate
in
her
own
undoing
And
I
can
quite
understand
too
my
fathers
preference
for
what
he
called
an
illustrative
experiment
which
was
simply
an
arrangement
of
the
apparatus
in
front
of
the
class
with
nothing
whatever
by
way
of
material
and
the
Bunsen
burner
clean
and
cool
and
then
a
slow
luminous
description
of
just
what
you
did
put
in
it
when
you
were
so
ill
advised
as
to
carry
the
affair
beyond
illustration
and
just
exactly
what
ought
anyhow
to
happen
when
you
did
He
had
considerable
powers
of
vivid
expression
so
that
in
this
way
he
could
make
us
see
all
he
described
The
class
freed
from
any
unpleasant
nervous
tension
could
draw
this
still
life
without
flinching
and
if
any
part
was
too
difficult
to
draw
then
my
father
would
produce
a
simplified
version
on
the
blackboard
to
be
copied
instead
And
he
would
also
write
on
the
blackboard
any
exceptionally
difficult
but
grant
earning
words
such
as
empyreumatic
or
botryoidal
Some
words
in
constant
use
he
rarely
explained
I
remember
once
sticking
up
my
hand
and
asking
him
in
the
full
flow
of
description
Please
sir
what
is
flocculent
The
precipitate
is
Yes
sir
but
what
does
it
mean
Oh
flocculent
said
my
father
flocculent
Why
he
extended
his
hand
and
arm
and
twiddled
his
fingers
for
a
second
in
the
air
Like
that
he
said
I
thought
the
explanation
sufficient
but
he
paused
for
a
moment
after
giving
it
As
in
a
flock
bed
you
know
he
added
and
resumed
his
discourse
3
My
father
I
am
afraid
carried
a
natural
incompetence
in
practical
affairs
to
an
exceptionally
high
level
He
combined
practical
incompetence
practical
enterprise
and
a
thoroughly
sanguine
temperament
in
a
manner
that
I
have
never
seen
paralleled
in
any
human
being
He
was
always
trying
to
do
new
things
in
the
briskest
manner
under
the
suggestion
of
books
or
papers
or
his
own
spontaneous
imagination
and
as
he
had
never
been
trained
to
do
anything
whatever
in
his
life
properly
his
futilities
were
extensive
and
thorough
At
one
time
he
nearly
gave
up
his
classes
for
intensive
culture
so
enamoured
was
he
of
its
possibilities
the
peculiar
pungency
of
the
manure
he
got
in
pursuit
of
a
chemical
theory
of
his
own
has
scarred
my
olfactory
memories
for
a
lifetime
The
intensive
culture
phase
is
very
clear
in
my
memory
it
came
near
the
end
of
his
career
and
when
I
was
between
eleven
and
twelve
I
was
mobilised
to
gather
caterpillars
on
several
occasions
and
assisted
in
nocturnal
raids
upon
the
slugs
by
lantern
light
that
wrecked
my
preparation
work
for
school
next
day
My
father
dug
up
both
lawns
and
trenched
and
manured
in
spasms
of
immense
vigour
alternating
with
periods
of
paralysing
distaste
for
the
garden
And
for
weeks
he
talked
about
eight
hundred
pounds
an
acre
at
every
meal
A
garden
even
when
it
is
not
exasperated
by
intensive
methods
is
a
thing
as
exacting
as
a
baby
its
moods
have
to
he
watched
it
does
not
wait
upon
the
cultivators
convenience
but
has
times
of
its
own
Intensive
culture
greatly
increases
this
disposition
to
trouble
mankind
it
makes
a
garden
touchy
and
hysterical
a
drugged
and
demoralised
and
over
irritated
garden
My
father
got
at
cross
purposes
with
our
two
patches
at
an
early
stage
Everything
grew
wrong
from
the
first
to
last
and
if
my
fathers
manures
intensified
nothing
else
they
certainly
intensified
the
Primordial
Curse
The
peas
were
eaten
in
the
night
before
they
were
three
inches
high
the
beans
bore
nothing
but
blight
the
only
apparent
result
of
a
spraying
of
the
potatoes
was
to
develop
a
PENCHANT
in
the
cat
for
being
ill
indoors
the
cucumber
frames
were
damaged
by
the
catapulting
of
boys
going
down
the
lane
at
the
back
and
all
your
cucumbers
were
mysteriously
embittered
That
lane
with
its
occasional
passers
by
did
much
to
wreck
the
intensive
scheme
because
my
father
always
stopped
work
and
went
indoors
if
any
one
watched
him
His
special
manure
was
apt
to
arouse
a
troublesome
spirit
of
inquiry
in
hardy
natures
In
digging
his
rows
and
shaping
his
patches
he
neglected
the
guiding
string
and
trusted
to
his
eye
altogether
too
much
and
the
consequent
obliquity
and
the
various
wind
breaks
and
scare
crows
he
erected
and
particularly
an
irrigation
contrivance
he
began
and
never
finished
by
which
everything
was
to
be
watered
at
once
by
means
of
pieces
of
gutter
from
the
roof
and
outhouses
of
Number
2
and
a
large
and
particularly
obstinate
clump
of
elder
bushes
in
the
abolished
hedge
that
he
had
failed
to
destroy
entirely
either
by
axe
or
by
fire
combined
to
give
the
gardens
under
intensive
culture
a
singularly
desolate
and
disorderly
appearance
He
took
steps
towards
the
diversion
of
our
house
drain
under
the
influence
of
the
Sewage
Utilisation
Society
but
happily
he
stopped
in
time
He
hardly
completed
any
of
the
operations
he
began
something
else
became
more
urgent
or
simply
he
tired
a
considerable
area
of
the
Number
2
territory
was
never
even
dug
up
In
the
end
the
affair
irritated
him
beyond
endurance
Never
was
a
man
less
horticulturally
minded
The
clamour
of
these
vegetables
he
had
launched
into
the
world
for
his
service
and
assistance
wore
out
his
patience
He
would
walk
into
the
garden
the
happiest
of
men
after
a
day
or
so
of
disregard
talking
to
me
of
history
perhaps
or
social
organisation
or
summarising
some
book
he
had
read
He
talked
to
me
of
anything
that
interested
him
regardless
of
my
limitations
Then
he
would
begin
to
note
the
growth
of
the
weeds
This
wont
do
he
would
say
and
pull
up
a
handful
More
weeding
would
follow
and
the
talk
would
become
fragmentary
His
hands
would
become
earthy
his
nails
black
weeds
would
snap
off
in
his
careless
grip
leaving
the
roots
behind
The
world
would
darken
He
would
look
at
his
fingers
with
disgusted
astonishment
CURSE
these
weeds
he
would
say
from
his
heart
His
discourse
was
at
an
end
I
have
memories
too
of
his
sudden
unexpected
charges
into
the
tranquillity
of
the
house
his
hands
and
clothes
intensively
enriched
He
would
come
in
like
a
whirlwind
This
damned
stuff
all
over
me
and
the
Agricultural
Chemistry
Class
at
six
Bah
AAAAAAH
My
mother
would
never
learn
not
to
attempt
to
break
him
of
swearing
on
such
occasions
She
would
remain
standing
a
little
stiffly
in
the
scullery
refusing
to
assist
him
to
the
adjectival
towel
he
sought
If
you
say
such
things
He
would
dance
with
rage
and
hurl
the
soap
about
The
towel
he
would
cry
flicking
suds
from
big
fingers
in
every
direction
the
towel
Ill
let
the
blithering
class
slide
if
you
dont
give
me
the
towel
Ill
give
up
everything
I
tell
you
everything
At
last
with
the
failure
of
the
lettuces
came
the
breaking
point
I
was
in
the
little
arbour
learning
Latin
irregular
verbs
when
it
happened
I
can
see
him
still
his
peculiar
tenor
voice
still
echoes
in
my
brain
shouting
his
opinion
of
intensive
culture
for
all
the
world
to
hear
and
slashing
away
at
that
abominable
mockery
of
a
crop
with
a
hoe
We
had
tied
them
up
with
bast
only
a
week
or
so
before
and
now
half
were
rotten
and
half
had
shot
up
into
tall
slender
growths
He
had
the
hoe
in
both
hands
and
slogged
Great
wipes
he
made
and
at
each
stroke
he
said
Take
that
The
air
was
thick
with
flying
fragments
of
abortive
salad
It
was
a
fantastic
massacre
It
was
the
French
Revolution
of
that
cold
tyranny
the
vindictive
overthrow
of
the
pampered
vegetable
aristocrats
After
he
had
assuaged
his
passion
upon
them
he
turned
for
other
prey
he
kicked
holes
in
two
of
our
noblest
marrows
flicked
off
the
heads
of
half
a
row
of
artichokes
and
shied
the
hoe
with
a
splendid
smash
into
the
cucumber
frame
Something
of
the
awe
of
that
moment
returns
to
me
as
I
write
of
it
Well
my
boy
he
said
approaching
with
an
expression
of
beneficent
happiness
Ive
done
with
gardening
Lets
go
for
a
walk
like
reasonable
beings
Ive
had
enough
of
this
his
face
was
convulsed
for
an
instant
with
bitter
resentment
Pandering
to
cabbages
4
That
afternoons
walk
sticks
in
my
memory
for
many
reasons
One
is
that
we
went
further
than
I
had
ever
been
before
far
beyond
Keston
and
nearly
to
Seven
oaks
coming
back
by
train
from
Dunton
Green
and
the
other
is
that
my
father
as
he
went
along
talked
about
himself
not
so
much
to
me
as
to
himself
and
about
life
and
what
he
had
done
with
it
He
monologued
so
that
at
times
he
produced
an
effect
of
weird
world
forgetfulness
I
listened
puzzled
and
at
that
time
not
upderstanding
many
things
that
afterwards
became
plain
to
me
It
is
only
in
recent
years
that
I
have
discovered
the
pathos
of
that
monologue
how
friendless
my
father
was
and
uncompanioned
in
his
thoughts
and
feelings
and
what
a
hunger
he
may
have
felt
for
the
sympathy
of
the
undeveloped
youngster
who
trotted
by
his
side
Im
no
gardener
he
said
Im
no
anything
Why
the
devil
did
I
start
gardening
I
suppose
man
was
created
to
mind
a
garden
But
the
Fall
let
us
out
of
that
What
was
I
created
for
God
what
was
I
created
for
Slaves
to
matter
Minding
inanimate
things
It
doesnt
suit
me
you
know
Ive
got
no
hands
and
no
patience
Ive
mucked
about
with
life
Mucked
about
with
life
He
suddenly
addressed
himself
to
me
and
for
an
instant
I
started
like
an
eavesdropper
discovered
Whatever
you
do
boy
whatever
you
do
make
a
Plan
Make
a
good
Plan
and
stick
to
it
Find
out
what
life
is
about
I
never
have
and
set
yourself
to
do
whatever
you
ought
to
do
I
admit
its
a
puzzle
Those
damned
houses
have
been
the
curse
of
my
life
Stucco
white
elephants
Beastly
cracked
stucco
with
stains
of
green
black
and
green
Conferva
and
soot
Property
they
are
Beware
of
Things
Dick
beware
of
Things
Before
you
know
where
you
are
you
are
waiting
on
them
and
minding
them
Theyll
eat
your
life
up
Eat
up
your
hours
and
your
blood
and
energy
When
those
houses
came
to
me
I
ought
to
have
sold
them
or
fled
the
country
I
ought
to
have
cleared
out
Sarcophagi
eaters
of
men
Oh
the
hours
and
days
of
work
the
nights
of
anxiety
those
vile
houses
have
cost
me
The
painting
It
worked
up
my
arms
it
got
all
over
me
I
stank
of
it
It
made
me
ill
It
isnt
living
its
minding
Propertys
the
curse
of
life
Property
Ugh
Look
at
this
country
all
cut
up
into
silly
little
parallelograms
look
at
all
those
villas
we
passed
just
now
and
those
potato
patches
and
that
tarred
shanty
and
the
hedge
Somebodys
minding
every
bit
of
it
like
a
dog
tied
to
a
carts
tail
Patching
it
and
bothering
about
it
Bothering
Yapping
at
every
passer
by
Look
at
that
notice
board
One
rotten
worried
little
beast
wants
to
keep
us
other
rotten
little
beasts
off
HIS
patch
God
knows
why
Look
at
the
weeds
in
it
Look
at
the
mended
fence
Theres
no
property
worth
having
Dick
but
money
Thats
only
good
to
spend
All
these
things
Human
souls
buried
under
a
cartload
of
blithering
rubbish
Im
not
a
fool
Dick
I
have
qualities
imagination
a
sort
of
go
I
ought
to
have
made
a
better
thing
of
life
Im
sure
I
could
have
done
things
Only
the
old
people
pulled
my
leg
They
started
me
wrong
They
never
started
me
at
all
I
only
began
to
find
out
what
life
was
like
when
I
was
nearly
forty
If
Id
gone
to
a
university
if
Id
had
any
sort
of
sound
training
if
I
hadnt
slipped
into
the
haphazard
places
that
came
easiest
Nobody
warned
me
Nobody
It
isnt
a
world
we
live
in
Dick
its
a
cascade
of
accidents
its
a
chaos
exasperated
by
policemen
YOU
be
warned
in
time
Dick
You
stick
to
a
plan
Dont
wait
for
any
one
to
show
you
the
way
Nobody
will
There
isnt
a
way
till
you
make
one
Get
education
get
a
good
education
Fight
your
way
to
the
top
Its
your
only
chance
Ive
watched
you
Youll
do
no
good
at
digging
and
property
minding
There
isnt
a
neighbour
in
Bromstead
wont
be
able
to
skin
you
at
suchlike
games
You
and
I
are
the
brainy
unstable
kind
topside
or
nothing
And
if
ever
those
blithering
houses
come
to
you
dont
have
em
Give
them
away
Dynamite
em
and
off
LIVE
Dick
Ill
get
rid
of
them
for
you
if
I
can
Dick
but
remember
what
I
say
So
it
was
my
father
discoursed
if
not
in
those
particular
words
yet
exactly
in
that
manner
as
he
slouched
along
the
southward
road
with
resentful
eyes
becoming
less
resentful
as
he
talked
and
flinging
out
clumsy
illustrative
motions
at
the
outskirts
of
Bromstead
as
we
passed
along
them
That
afternoon
he
hated
Bromstead
from
its
foot
tiring
pebbles
up
He
had
no
illusions
about
Bromstead
or
himself
I
have
the
clearest
impression
of
him
in
his
garden
stained
tweeds
with
a
deer
stalker
hat
on
the
back
of
his
head
and
presently
a
pipe
sometimes
between
his
teeth
and
sometimes
in
his
gesticulating
hand
as
he
became
diverted
by
his
talk
from
his
original
exasperation
This
particular
afternoon
is
no
doubt
mixed
up
in
my
memory
with
many
other
afternoons
all
sorts
of
things
my
father
said
and
did
at
different
times
have
got
themselves
referred
to
it
it
filled
me
at
the
time
with
a
great
unprecedented
sense
of
fellowship
and
it
has
become
the
symbol
now
for
all
our
intercourse
together
If
I
didnt
understand
the
things
he
said
I
did
the
mood
he
was
in
He
gave
me
two
very
broad
ideas
in
that
talk
and
the
talks
I
have
mingled
with
it
he
gave
them
to
me
very
clearly
and
they
have
remained
fundamental
in
my
mind
one
a
sense
of
the
extraordinary
confusion
and
waste
and
planlessness
of
the
human
life
that
went
on
all
about
us
and
the
other
of
a
great
ideal
of
order
and
economy
which
he
called
variously
Science
and
Civilisation
and
which
though
I
do
not
remember
that
he
ever
used
that
word
I
suppose
many
people
nowadays
would
identify
with
Socialism
as
the
Fabians
expound
it
He
was
not
very
definite
about
this
Science
you
must
understand
but
he
seemed
always
to
be
waving
his
hand
towards
it
just
as
his
contemporary
Tennyson
seems
always
to
be
doing
he
belonged
to
his
age
and
mostly
his
talk
was
destructive
of
the
limited
beliefs
of
his
time
he
led
me
to
infer
rather
than
actually
told
me
that
this
Science
was
coming
a
spirit
of
light
and
order
to
the
rescue
of
a
world
groaning
and
travailing
in
muddle
for
the
want
of
it
5
When
I
think
of
Bromstead
nowadays
I
find
it
inseparably
bound
up
with
the
disorders
of
my
fathers
gardening
and
the
odd
patchings
and
paintings
that
disfigured
his
houses
It
was
all
of
a
piece
with
that
Let
me
try
and
give
something
of
the
quality
of
Bromstead
and
something
of
its
history
It
is
the
quality
and
history
of
a
thousand
places
round
and
about
London
and
round
and
about
the
other
great
centres
of
population
in
the
world
Indeed
it
is
in
a
measure
the
quality
of
the
whole
of
this
modern
world
from
which
we
who
have
the
statesmans
passion
struggle
to
evolve
and
dream
still
of
evolving
order
First
then
you
must
think
of
Bromstead
a
hundred
and
fifty
years
ago
as
a
narrow
irregular
little
street
of
thatched
houses
strung
out
on
the
London
and
Dover
Road
a
little
mellow
sample
unit
of
a
social
order
that
had
a
kind
of
completeness
at
its
level
of
its
own
At
that
time
its
population
numbered
a
little
under
two
thousand
people
mostly
engaged
in
agricultural
work
or
in
trades
serving
agriculture
There
was
a
blacksmith
a
saddler
a
chemist
a
doctor
a
barber
a
linen
draper
who
brewed
his
own
beer
a
veterinary
surgeon
a
hardware
shop
and
two
capacious
inns
Round
and
about
it
were
a
number
of
pleasant
gentlemens
seats
whose
owners
went
frequently
to
London
town
in
their
coaches
along
the
very
tolerable
high
road
The
church
was
big
enough
to
hold
the
whole
population
were
people
minded
to
go
to
church
and
indeed
a
large
proportion
did
go
and
all
who
married
were
married
in
it
and
everybody
to
begin
with
was
christened
at
its
font
and
buried
at
last
in
its
yew
shaded
graveyard
Everybody
knew
everybody
in
the
place
It
was
in
fact
a
definite
place
and
a
real
human
community
in
those
days
There
was
a
pleasant
old
market
house
in
the
middle
of
the
town
with
a
weekly
market
and
an
annual
fair
at
which
much
cheerful
merry
making
and
homely
intoxication
occurred
there
was
a
pack
of
hounds
which
hunted
within
five
miles
of
London
Bridge
and
the
local
gentry
would
occasionally
enliven
the
place
with
valiant
cricket
matches
for
a
hundred
guineas
a
side
to
the
vast
excitement
of
the
entire
population
It
was
very
much
the
same
sort
of
place
that
it
had
been
for
three
or
four
centuries
A
Bromstead
Rip
van
Winkle
from
1550
returning
in
1750
would
have
found
most
of
the
old
houses
still
as
he
had
known
them
the
same
trades
a
little
improved
and
differentiated
one
from
the
other
the
same
roads
rather
more
carefully
tended
the
Inns
not
very
much
altered
the
ancient
familiar
market
house
The
occasional
wheeled
traffic
would
have
struck
him
as
the
most
remarkable
difference
next
perhaps
to
the
swaggering
painted
stone
monuments
instead
of
brasses
and
the
protestant
severity
of
the
communion
table
in
the
parish
church
both
from
the
material
point
of
view
very
little
things
A
Rip
van
Winkle
from
1350
again
would
have
noticed
scarcely
greater
changes
fewer
clergy
more
people
and
particularly
more
people
of
the
middling
sort
the
glass
in
the
windows
of
many
of
the
houses
the
stylish
chimneys
springing
up
everywhere
would
have
impressed
him
and
suchlike
details
The
place
would
have
had
the
same
boundaries
the
same
broad
essential
features
would
have
been
still
itself
in
the
way
that
a
man
is
still
himself
after
he
has
filled
out
a
little
and
grown
a
longer
beard
and
changed
his
clothes
But
after
1750
something
got
hold
of
the
world
something
that
was
destined
to
alter
the
scale
of
every
human
affair
That
something
was
machinery
and
a
vague
energetic
disposition
to
improve
material
things
In
another
part
of
England
ingenious
people
were
beginning
to
use
coal
in
smelting
iron
and
were
producing
metal
in
abundance
and
metal
castings
in
sizes
that
had
hitherto
been
unattainable
Without
warning
or
preparation
increment
involving
countless
possibilities
of
further
increment
was
coming
to
the
strength
of
horses
and
men
Power
all
unsuspected
was
flowing
like
a
drug
into
the
veins
of
the
social
body
Nobody
seems
to
have
perceived
this
coming
of
power
and
nobody
had
calculated
its
probable
consequences
Suddenly
almost
inadvertently
people
found
themselves
doing
things
that
would
have
amazed
their
ancestors
They
began
to
construct
wheeled
vehicles
much
more
easily
and
cheaply
than
they
had
ever
done
before
to
make
up
roads
and
move
things
about
that
had
formerly
been
esteemed
too
heavy
for
locomotion
to
join
woodwork
with
iron
nails
instead
of
wooden
pegs
to
achieve
all
sorts
of
mechanical
possibilities
to
trade
more
freely
and
manufacture
on
a
larger
scale
to
send
goods
abroad
in
a
wholesale
and
systematic
way
to
bring
back
commodities
from
overseas
not
simply
spices
and
fine
commodities
but
goods
in
bulk
The
new
influence
spread
to
agriculture
iron
appliances
replaced
wooden
breeding
of
stock
became
systematic
paper
making
and
printing
increased
and
cheapened
Roofs
of
slate
and
tile
appeared
amidst
and
presently
prevailed
over
the
original
Bromstead
thatch
the
huge
space
of
Common
to
the
south
was
extensively
enclosed
and
what
had
been
an
ill
defined
horse
track
to
Dover
only
passable
by
adventurous
coaches
in
dry
weather
became
the
Dover
Road
and
was
presently
the
route
first
of
one
and
then
of
several
daily
coaches
The
High
Street
was
discovered
to
be
too
tortuous
for
these
awakening
energies
and
a
new
road
cut
off
its
worst
contortions
Residential
villas
appeared
occupied
by
retired
tradesmen
and
widows
who
esteemed
the
place
healthy
and
by
others
of
a
strange
new
unoccupied
class
of
people
who
had
money
invested
in
joint
stock
enterprises
First
one
and
then
several
boys
boarding
schools
came
drawing
their
pupils
from
London
my
grandfathers
was
one
of
these
London
twelve
miles
to
the
north
west
was
making
itself
felt
more
and
more
But
this
was
only
the
beginning
of
the
growth
period
the
first
trickle
of
the
coming
flood
of
mechanical
power
Away
in
the
north
they
were
casting
iron
in
bigger
and
bigger
forms
working
their
way
to
the
production
of
steel
on
a
large
scale
applying
power
in
factories
Bromstead
had
almost
doubted
in
size
again
long
before
the
railway
came
there
was
hardly
any
thatch
left
in
the
High
Street
but
instead
were
houses
with
handsome
brass
knockered
front
doors
and
several
windows
and
shops
with
shop
fronts
all
of
square
glass
panes
and
the
place
was
lighted
publicly
now
by
oil
lamps
previously
only
one
flickering
lamp
outside
each
of
the
coaching
inns
had
broken
the
nocturnal
darkness
And
there
was
talk
it
long
remained
talk
of
gas
The
gasworks
came
in
1834
and
about
that
date
my
fathers
three
houses
must
have
been
built
convenient
for
the
London
Road
They
mark
nearly
the
beginning
of
the
real
suburban
quality
they
were
let
at
first
to
City
people
still
engaged
in
business
And
then
hard
on
the
gasworks
had
come
the
railway
and
cheap
coal
there
was
a
wild
outbreak
of
brickfields
upon
the
claylands
to
the
east
and
the
Great
Growth
had
begun
in
earnest
The
agricultural
placidities
that
had
formerly
come
to
the
very
borders
of
the
High
Street
were
broken
up
north
west
and
south
by
new
roads
This
enterprising
person
and
then
that
began
to
run
up
houses
irrespective
of
every
other
enterprising
person
who
was
doing
the
same
thing
A
Local
Board
came
into
existence
and
with
much
hesitation
and
penny
wise
economy
inaugurated
drainage
works
Rates
became
a
common
topic
a
fact
of
accumulating
importance
Several
chapels
of
zinc
and
iron
appeared
and
also
a
white
new
church
in
commercial
Gothic
upon
the
common
and
another
of
red
brick
in
the
residential
district
out
beyond
the
brickfields
towards
Chessington
The
population
doubled
again
and
doubled
again
and
became
particularly
teeming
in
the
prolific
working
class
district
about
the
deep
rutted
muddy
coal
blackened
roads
between
the
gasworks
Blodgetts
laundries
and
the
railway
goods
yard
Weekly
properties
that
is
to
say
small
houses
built
by
small
property
owners
and
let
by
the
week
sprang
up
also
in
the
Cage
Fields
and
presently
extended
right
up
the
London
Road
A
single
national
school
in
an
inconvenient
situation
set
itself
inadequately
to
collect
subscriptions
and
teach
the
swarming
sniffing
grimy
offspring
of
this
dingy
new
population
to
read
The
villages
of
Beckington
which
used
to
be
three
miles
to
the
west
and
Blamely
four
miles
to
the
east
of
Bromstead
were
experiencing
similar
distensions
and
proliferations
and
grew
out
to
meet
us
All
effect
of
locality
or
community
had
gone
from
these
places
long
before
I
was
born
hardly
any
one
knew
any
one
there
was
no
general
meeting
place
any
more
the
old
fairs
were
just
common
nuisances
haunted
by
gypsies
van
showmen
Cheap
Jacks
and
London
roughs
the
churches
were
incapable
of
a
quarter
of
the
population
One
or
two
local
papers
of
shameless
veniality
reported
the
proceedings
of
the
local
Bench
and
the
local
Board
compelled
tradesmen
who
were
interested
in
these
affairs
to
advertise
used
the
epithet
Bromstedian
as
one
expressing
peculiar
virtues
and
so
maintained
in
the
general
mind
a
weak
tradition
of
some
local
quality
that
embraced
us
all
Then
the
parish
graveyard
filled
up
and
became
a
scandal
and
an
ambitious
area
with
an
air
of
appetite
was
walled
in
by
a
Bromstead
Cemetery
Company
and
planted
with
suitably
high
minded
and
sorrowful
varieties
of
conifer
A
stonemason
took
one
of
the
earlier
villas
with
a
front
garden
at
the
end
of
the
High
Street
and
displayed
a
supply
of
urns
on
pillars
and
headstones
and
crosses
in
stone
marble
and
granite
that
would
have
sufficed
to
commemorate
in
elaborate
detail
the
entire
population
of
Bromstead
as
one
found
it
in
1750
The
cemetery
was
made
when
I
was
a
little
boy
of
five
or
six
I
was
in
the
full
tide
of
building
and
growth
from
the
first
the
second
railway
with
its
station
at
Bromstead
North
and
the
drainage
followed
when
I
was
ten
or
eleven
and
all
my
childish
memories
are
of
digging
and
wheeling
of
woods
invaded
by
building
roads
gashed
open
and
littered
with
iron
pipes
amidst
a
fearful
smell
of
gas
of
men
peeped
at
and
seen
toiling
away
deep
down
in
excavations
of
hedges
broken
down
and
replaced
by
planks
of
wheelbarrows
and
builders
sheds
of
rivulets
overtaken
and
swallowed
up
by
drain
pipes
Big
trees
and
especially
elms
cleared
of
undergrowth
and
left
standing
amid
such
things
acquired
a
peculiar
tattered
dinginess
rather
in
the
quality
of
needy
widow
women
who
have
seen
happier
days
The
Ravensbrook
of
my
earlier
memories
was
a
beautiful
stream
It
came
into
my
world
out
of
a
mysterious
Beyond
out
of
a
garden
splashing
brightly
down
a
weir
which
had
once
been
the
weir
of
a
mill
Above
the
weir
and
inaccessible
there
were
bulrushes
growing
in
splendid
clumps
and
beyond
that
pampas
grass
yellow
and
crimson
spikes
of
hollyhock
and
blue
suggestions
of
wonderland
From
the
pool
at
the
foot
of
this
initial
cascade
it
flowed
in
a
leisurely
fashion
beside
a
footpath
there
were
two
pretty
thatchcd
cottages
on
the
left
and
here
were
ducks
and
there
were
willows
on
the
right
and
so
came
to
where
great
trees
grew
on
high
banks
on
either
hand
and
bowed
closer
and
at
last
met
overhead
This
part
was
difficult
to
reach
because
of
an
old
fence
but
a
little
boy
might
glimpse
that
long
cavern
of
greenery
by
wading
Either
I
have
actually
seen
kingfishers
there
or
my
father
has
described
them
so
accurately
to
me
that
he
inserted
them
into
my
memory
I
remember
them
there
anyhow
Most
of
that
overhung
part
I
never
penetrated
at
all
but
followed
the
field
path
with
my
mother
and
met
the
stream
again
where
beyond
there
were
flat
meadows
Ropers
meadows
The
Ravensbrook
went
meandering
across
the
middle
of
these
now
between
steep
banks
and
now
with
wide
shallows
at
the
bends
where
the
cattle
waded
and
drank
Yellow
and
purple
loose
strife
and
ordinary
rushes
grew
in
clumps
along
the
bank
and
now
and
then
a
willow
On
rare
occasions
of
rapture
one
might
see
a
rat
cleaning
his
whiskers
at
the
waters
edge
The
deep
places
were
rich
with
tangled
weeds
and
in
them
fishes
lurked
to
me
they
were
big
fishes
water
boatmen
and
water
beetles
traversed
the
calm
surface
of
these
still
deeps
in
one
pool
were
yellow
lilies
and
water
soldiers
and
in
the
shoaly
places
hovering
fleets
of
small
fry
basked
in
the
sunshine
to
vanish
in
a
flash
at
ones
shadow
In
one
place
too
were
Rapids
where
the
stream
woke
with
a
start
from
a
dreamless
brooding
into
foaming
panic
and
babbled
and
hastened
Well
do
I
remember
that
half
mile
of
rivulet
all
other
rivers
and
cascades
have
their
reference
to
it
for
me
And
after
I
was
eleven
and
before
we
left
Bromstead
all
the
delight
and
beauty
of
it
was
destroyed
The
volume
of
its
water
decreased
abruptly
I
suppose
the
new
drainage
works
that
linked
us
up
with
Beckington
and
made
me
first
acquainted
with
the
geological
quality
of
the
London
clay
had
to
do
with
that
until
only
a
weak
uncleansing
trickle
remained
That
at
first
did
not
strike
me
as
a
misfortune
An
adventurous
small
boy
might
walk
dryshod
in
places
hitherto
inaccessible
But
hard
upon
that
came
the
pegs
the
planks
and
carts
and
devastation
Ropers
meadows
being
no
longer
in
fear
of
floods
were
now
to
be
slashed
out
into
parallelograms
of
untidy
road
and
built
upon
with
rows
of
working
class
cottages
The
roads
came
horribly
the
houses
followed
They
seemed
to
rise
in
the
night
People
moved
into
them
as
soon
as
the
roofs
were
on
mostly
workmen
and
their
young
wives
and
already
in
a
year
some
of
these
raw
houses
stood
empty
again
from
defaulting
tenants
with
windows
broken
and
wood
work
warping
and
rotting
The
Ravensbrook
became
a
dump
for
old
iron
rusty
cans
abandoned
boots
and
the
like
and
was
a
river
only
when
unusual
rains
filled
it
for
a
day
or
so
with
an
inky
flood
of
surface
water
That
indeed
was
my
most
striking
perception
in
the
growth
of
Bromstead
The
Ravensbrook
had
been
important
to
my
imaginative
life
that
way
had
always
been
my
first
choice
in
all
my
walks
with
my
mother
and
its
rapid
swamping
by
the
new
urban
growth
made
it
indicative
of
all
the
other
things
that
had
happened
just
before
my
time
or
were
still
at
a
less
dramatic
pace
happening
I
realised
that
building
was
the
enemy
I
began
to
understand
why
in
every
direction
out
of
Bromstead
one
walked
past
scaffold
poles
into
litter
why
fragments
of
broken
brick
and
cinder
mingled
in
every
path
and
the
significance
of
the
universal
notice
boards
either
white
and
new
or
a
year
old
and
torn
and
battered
promising
sites
proffering
houses
to
be
sold
or
let
abusing
and
intimidating
passers
by
for
fancied
trespass
and
protecting
rights
of
way
It
is
difficult
to
disentangle
now
what
I
understood
at
this
time
and
what
I
have
since
come
to
understand
but
it
seems
to
me
that
even
in
those
childish
days
I
was
acutely
aware
of
an
invading
and
growing
disorder
The
serene
rhythms
of
the
old
established
agriculture
I
see
now
were
everywhere
being
replaced
by
cultivation
under
notice
and
snatch
crops
hedges
ceased
to
be
repaired
and
were
replaced
by
cheap
iron
railings
or
chunks
of
corrugated
iron
more
and
more
hoardings
sprang
up
and
contributed
more
and
more
to
the
nomad
tribes
of
filthy
paper
scraps
that
flew
before
the
wind
and
overspread
the
country
The
outskirts
of
Bromstead
were
a
maze
of
exploitation
roads
that
led
nowhere
that
ended
in
tarred
fences
studded
with
nails
I
dont
remember
barbed
wire
in
those
days
I
think
the
Zeitgeist
did
not
produce
that
until
later
and
in
trespass
boards
that
used
vehement
language
Broken
glass
tin
cans
and
ashes
and
paper
abounded
Cheap
glass
cheap
tin
abundant
fuel
and
a
free
untaxed
Press
had
rushed
upon
a
world
quite
unprepared
to
dispose
of
these
blessings
when
the
fulness
of
enjoyment
was
past
I
suppose
one
might
have
persuaded
oneself
that
all
this
was
but
the
replacement
of
an
ancient
tranquillity
or
at
least
an
ancient
balance
by
a
new
order
Only
to
my
eyes
quickened
by
my
fathers
intimations
it
was
manifestly
no
order
at
all
It
was
a
multitude
of
incoordinated
fresh
starts
each
more
sweeping
and
destructive
than
the
last
and
none
of
them
ever
really
worked
out
to
a
ripe
and
satisfactory
completion
Each
left
a
legacy
of
products
houses
humanity
or
what
not
in
its
wake
It
was
a
sort
of
progress
that
had
bolted
it
was
change
out
of
hand
and
going
at
an
unprecedented
pace
nowhere
in
particular
No
the
Victorian
epoch
was
not
the
dawn
of
a
new
era
it
was
a
hasty
trial
experiment
a
gigantic
experiment
of
the
most
slovenly
and
wasteful
kind
I
suppose
it
was
necessary
I
suppose
all
things
are
necessary
I
suppose
that
before
men
will
discipline
themselves
to
learn
and
plan
they
must
first
see
in
a
hundred
convincing
forms
the
folly
and
muddle
that
come
from
headlong
aimless
and
haphazard
methods
The
nineteenth
century
was
an
age
of
demonstrations
some
of
them
very
impressive
demonstrations
of
the
powers
that
have
come
to
mankind
but
of
permanent
achievement
what
will
our
descendants
cherish
It
is
hard
to
estimate
what
grains
of
precious
metal
may
not
be
found
in
a
mud
torrent
of
human
production
on
so
large
a
scale
but
will
any
one
a
hundred
years
from
now
consent
to
live
in
the
houses
the
Victorians
built
travel
by
their
roads
or
railways
value
the
furnishings
they
made
to
live
among
or
esteem
except
for
curious
or
historical
reasons
their
prevalent
art
and
the
clipped
and
limited
literature
that
satisfied
their
souls
That
age
which
bore
me
was
indeed
a
world
full
of
restricted
and
undisciplined
people
overtaken
by
power
by
possessions
and
great
new
freedoms
and
unable
to
make
any
civilised
use
of
them
whatever
stricken
now
by
this
idea
and
now
by
that
tempted
first
by
one
possession
and
then
another
to
ill
considered
attempts
it
was
my
fathers
exploitahon
of
his
villa
gardens
on
the
wholesale
level
The
whole
of
Bromstead
as
I
remember
it
and
as
I
saw
it
last
it
is
a
year
ago
now
is
a
dull
useless
boiling
up
of
human
activities
an
immense
clustering
of
futilities
It
is
as
unfinished
as
ever
the
builders
roads
still
run
out
and
end
in
mid
field
in
their
old
fashion
the
various
enterprises
jumble
in
the
same
hopeless
contradiction
if
anything
intensified
Pretentious
villas
jostle
slums
and
public
house
and
tin
tabernacle
glower
at
one
another
across
the
cat
haunted
lot
that
intervenes
Ropers
meadows
are
now
quite
frankly
a
slum
back
doors
and
sculleries
gape
towards
the
railway
their
yards
are
hung
with
tattered
washing
unashamed
and
there
seem
to
be
more
boards
by
the
railway
every
time
I
pass
advertising
pills
and
pickles
tonics
and
condiments
and
suchlike
solicitudes
of
a
people
with
no
natural
health
nor
appetite
left
in
them
Well
we
have
to
do
better
Failure
is
not
failure
nor
waste
wasted
if
it
sweeps
away
illusion
and
lights
the
road
to
a
plan
6
Chaotic
indiscipline
ill
adjusted
effort
spasmodic
aims
these
give
the
quality
of
all
my
Bromstead
memories
The
crowning
one
of
them
all
rises
to
desolating
tragedy
I
remember
now
the
wan
spring
sunshine
of
that
Sunday
morning
the
stiff
feeling
of
best
clothes
and
aggressive
cleanliness
and
formality
when
I
and
my
mother
returned
from
church
to
find
my
father
dead
He
had
been
pruning
the
grape
vine
He
had
never
had
a
ladder
long
enough
to
reach
the
sill
of
the
third
floor
windows
at
house
painting
times
he
had
borrowed
one
from
the
plumber
who
mixed
his
paint
and
he
had
in
his
own
happy
go
lucky
way
contrived
a
combination
of
the
garden
fruit
ladder
with
a
battered
kitchen
table
that
served
all
sorts
of
odd
purposes
in
an
outhouse
He
had
stayed
up
this
arrangement
by
means
of
the
garden
roller
and
the
roller
had
at
the
critical
moment
rolled
He
was
lying
close
by
the
garden
door
with
his
head
queerly
bent
back
against
a
broken
and
twisted
rainwater
pipe
an
expression
of
pacific
contentment
on
his
face
a
bamboo
curtain
rod
with
a
tableknife
tied
to
end
of
it
still
gripped
in
his
hand
We
had
been
rapping
for
some
time
at
the
front
door
unable
to
make
him
hear
and
then
we
came
round
by
the
door
in
the
side
trellis
into
the
garden
and
so
discovered
him
Arthur
I
remember
my
mother
crying
with
the
strangest
break
in
her
voice
What
are
you
doing
there
Arthur
And
SUNDAY
I
was
coming
behind
her
musing
remotely
when
the
quality
of
her
voice
roused
me
She
stood
as
if
she
could
not
go
near
him
He
had
always
puzzled
her
so
he
and
his
ways
and
this
seemed
only
another
enigma
Then
the
truth
dawned
on
her
she
shrieked
as
if
afraid
of
him
ran
a
dozen
steps
back
towards
the
trellis
door
and
stopped
and
clasped
her
ineffectual
gloved
hands
leaving
me
staring
blankly
too
astonished
for
feeling
at
the
carelessly
flung
limbs
The
same
idea
came
to
me
also
I
ran
to
her
Mother
I
cried
pale
to
the
depths
of
my
spirit
IS
HE
DEAD
I
had
been
thinking
two
minutes
before
of
the
cold
fruit
pie
that
glorified
our
Sunday
dinner
table
and
how
I
might
perhaps
get
into
the
tree
at
the
end
of
the
garden
to
read
in
the
afternoon
Now
an
immense
fact
had
come
down
like
a
curtain
and
blotted
out
all
my
childish
world
My
father
was
lying
dead
before
my
eyes
I
perceived
that
my
mother
was
helpless
and
that
things
must
he
done
Mother
I
said
we
must
get
Doctor
Beaseley
and
carry
him
indoors
CHAPTER
THE
THIRD
SCHOLASTIC
1
My
formal
education
began
in
a
small
preparatory
school
in
Bromstead
I
went
there
as
a
day
boy
The
charge
for
my
instruction
was
mainly
set
off
by
the
periodic
visits
of
my
father
with
a
large
bag
of
battered
fossils
to
lecture
to
us
upon
geology
I
was
one
of
those
fortunate
youngsters
who
take
readily
to
school
work
I
had
a
good
memory
versatile
interests
and
a
considerable
appetite
for
commendation
and
when
I
was
barely
twelve
I
got
a
scholarship
at
the
City
Merchants
School
and
was
entrusted
with
a
scholars
railway
season
ticket
to
Victoria
After
my
fathers
death
a
large
and
very
animated
and
solidly
built
uncle
in
tweeds
from
Staffordshire
Uncle
Minter
my
mothers
sisters
husband
with
a
remarkable
accent
and
remarkable
vowel
sounds
who
had
plunged
into
the
Bromstead
home
once
or
twice
for
the
night
but
who
was
otherwise
unknown
to
me
came
on
the
scene
sold
off
the
three
gaunt
houses
with
the
utmost
gusto
invested
the
proceeds
and
my
fathers
life
insurance
money
and
got
us
into
a
small
villa
at
Penge
within
sight
of
that
immense
facade
of
glass
and
iron
the
Crystal
Palace
Then
he
retired
in
a
mood
of
good
natured
contempt
to
his
native
habitat
again
We
stayed
at
Penge
until
my
mothers
death
School
became
a
large
part
of
the
world
to
me
absorbing
my
time
and
interest
and
I
never
acquired
that
detailed
and
intimate
knowledge
of
Penge
and
the
hilly
villadom
round
about
that
I
have
of
the
town
and
outskirts
of
Bromstead
It
was
a
district
of
very
much
the
same
character
but
it
was
more
completely
urbanised
and
nearer
to
the
centre
of
things
there
were
the
same
unfinished
roads
the
same
occasional
disconcerted
hedges
and
trees
the
same
butchers
horse
grazing
under
a
builders
notice
board
the
same
incidental
lapses
into
slum
The
Crystal
Palace
grounds
cut
off
a
large
part
of
my
walking
radius
to
the
west
with
impassable
fences
and
forbiddingly
expensive
turnstiles
but
it
added
to
the
ordinary
spectacle
of
meteorology
a
great
variety
of
gratuitous
fireworks
which
banged
and
flared
away
of
a
night
after
supper
and
drew
me
abroad
to
see
them
better
Such
walks
as
I
took
to
Croydon
Wembledon
West
Wickham
and
Greenwich
impressed
upon
me
the
interminable
extent
of
Londons
residential
suburbs
mile
after
mile
one
went
between
houses
villas
rows
of
cottages
streets
of
shops
under
railway
arches
over
railway
bridges
I
have
forgotten
the
detailed
local
characteristics
if
there
were
any
of
much
of
that
region
altogether
I
was
only
there
two
years
and
half
my
perambulations
occurred
at
dusk
or
after
dark
But
with
Penge
I
associate
my
first
realisations
of
the
wonder
and
beauty
of
twilight
and
night
the
effect
of
dark
walls
reflecting
lamplight
and
the
mystery
of
blue
haze
veiled
hillsides
of
houses
the
glare
of
shops
by
night
the
glowing
steam
and
streaming
sparks
of
railway
trains
and
railway
signals
lit
up
in
the
darkness
My
first
rambles
in
the
evening
occurred
at
Penge
I
was
becoming
a
big
and
independent
spirited
boy
and
I
began
my
experience
of
smoking
during
these
twilight
prowls
with
the
threepenny
packets
of
American
cigarettes
then
just
appearing
in
the
world
My
life
centred
upon
the
City
Merchants
School
Usually
I
caught
the
eight
eighteen
for
Victoria
I
had
a
midday
meal
and
tea
four
nights
a
week
I
stayed
for
preparation
and
often
I
was
not
back
home
again
until
within
an
hour
of
my
bedtime
I
spent
my
half
holidays
at
school
in
order
to
play
cricket
and
football
This
and
a
pretty
voracious
appetite
for
miscellaneous
reading
which
was
fostered
by
the
Penge
Middleton
Library
did
not
leave
me
much
leisure
for
local
topography
On
Sundays
also
I
sang
in
the
choir
at
St
Martins
Church
and
my
mother
did
not
like
me
to
walk
out
alone
on
the
Sabbath
afternoon
she
herself
slumbered
so
that
I
wrote
or
read
at
home
I
must
confess
I
was
at
home
as
little
as
I
could
contrive
Home
after
my
fathers
death
had
become
a
very
quiet
and
uneventful
place
indeed
My
mother
had
either
an
unimaginative
temperament
or
her
mind
was
greatly
occupied
with
private
religious
solicitudes
and
I
remember
her
talking
to
me
but
little
and
that
usually
upon
topics
I
was
anxious
to
evade
I
had
developed
my
own
view
about
low
Church
theology
long
before
my
fathers
death
and
my
meditation
upon
that
event
had
finished
my
secret
estrangement
from
my
mothers
faith
My
reason
would
not
permit
even
a
remote
chance
of
his
being
in
hell
he
was
so
manifestly
not
evil
and
this
religion
would
not
permit
him
a
remote
chance
of
being
out
yet
When
I
was
a
little
boy
my
mother
had
taught
me
to
read
and
write
and
pray
and
had
done
many
things
for
me
indeed
she
persisted
in
washing
me
and
even
in
making
my
clothes
until
I
rebelled
against
these
things
as
indignities
But
our
minds
parted
very
soon
She
never
began
to
understand
the
mental
processes
of
my
play
she
never
interested
herself
in
my
school
life
and
work
she
could
not
understand
things
I
said
and
she
came
I
think
quite
insensibly
to
regard
me
with
something
of
the
same
hopeless
perplexity
she
had
felt
towards
my
father
Him
she
must
have
wedded
under
considerable
delusions
I
do
not
think
he
deceived
her
indeed
nor
do
I
suspect
him
of
mercenariness
in
their
union
but
no
doubt
he
played
up
to
her
requirements
in
the
half
ingenuous
way
that
was
and
still
is
the
quality
of
most
wooing
and
presented
himself
as
a
very
brisk
and
orthodox
young
man
I
wonder
why
nearly
all
lovemaking
has
to
be
fraudulent
Afterwards
he
must
have
disappointed
her
cruelly
by
letting
one
aspect
after
another
of
his
careless
sceptical
experimental
temperament
appear
Her
mind
was
fixed
and
definite
she
embodied
all
that
confidence
in
church
and
decorum
and
the
assurances
of
the
pulpit
which
was
characteristic
of
the
large
mass
of
the
English
people
for
after
all
the
rather
low
Church
section
WAS
the
largest
single
mass
in
early
Victorian
times
She
had
dreams
I
suspect
of
going
to
church
with
him
side
by
side
she
in
a
little
poke
bonnet
and
a
large
flounced
crinoline
all
mauve
and
magenta
and
starched
under
a
little
lace
trimmed
parasol
and
he
in
a
tall
silk
hat
and
peg
top
trousers
and
a
roll
collar
coat
and
looking
rather
like
the
Prince
Consort
white
angels
almost
visibly
raining
benedictions
on
their
amiable
progress
Perhaps
she
dreamt
gently
of
much
belaced
babies
and
an
interestingly
pious
but
not
too
dissenting
or
fanatical
little
girl
or
boy
or
so
also
angel
haunted
And
I
think
too
she
must
have
seen
herself
ruling
a
seemly
home
of
taste
with
a
vivarium
in
the
conservatory
that
opened
out
of
the
drawing
room
or
again
making
preserves
in
the
kitchen
My
fathers
science
teaching
his
diagrams
of
disembowelled
humanity
his
pictures
of
prehistoric
beasts
that
contradicted
the
Flood
his
disposition
towards
soft
shirts
and
loose
tweed
suits
his
inability
to
use
a
clothes
brush
his
spasmodic
reading
fits
and
his
bulldog
pipes
must
have
jarred
cruelly
with
her
rather
unintelligent
anticipations
His
wild
moments
of
violent
temper
when
he
would
swear
and
smash
things
absurd
almost
lovable
storms
that
passed
like
summer
thunder
must
have
been
starkly
dreadful
to
her
She
was
constitutionally
inadaptable
and
certainly
made
no
attempt
to
understand
or
tolerate
these
outbreaks
She
tried
them
by
her
standards
and
by
her
standards
they
were
wrong
Her
standards
hid
him
from
her
The
blazing
things
he
said
rankled
in
her
mind
unforgettably
As
I
remember
them
together
they
chafed
constantly
Her
attitude
to
nearly
all
his
moods
and
all
his
enterprises
was
a
sceptical
disapproval
She
treated
him
as
something
that
belonged
to
me
and
not
to
her
YOUR
father
she
used
to
call
him
as
though
I
had
got
him
for
her
She
had
married
late
and
she
had
I
think
become
mentally
self
subsisting
before
her
marriage
Even
in
those
Herne
Hill
days
I
used
to
wonder
what
was
going
on
in
her
mind
and
I
find
that
old
speculative
curiosity
return
as
I
write
this
She
took
a
considerable
interest
in
the
housework
that
our
generally
servantless
condition
put
upon
her
she
used
to
have
a
charwoman
in
two
or
three
times
a
week
but
she
did
not
do
it
with
any
great
skill
She
covered
most
of
our
furniture
with
flouncey
ill
fitting
covers
and
she
cooked
plainly
and
without
very
much
judgment
The
Penge
house
as
it
contained
nearly
all
our
Bromstead
things
was
crowded
with
furniture
and
is
chiefly
associated
in
my
mind
with
the
smell
of
turpentine
a
condiment
she
used
very
freely
upon
the
veneered
mahogany
pieces
My
mother
had
an
equal
dread
of
blacks
by
day
and
the
night
air
so
that
our
brightly
clean
windows
were
rarely
open
She
took
a
morning
paper
and
she
would
open
it
and
glance
at
the
headlines
but
she
did
not
read
it
until
the
afternoon
and
then
I
think
she
was
interested
only
in
the
more
violent
crimes
and
in
railway
and
mine
disasters
and
in
the
minutest
domesticities
of
the
Royal
Family
Most
of
the
books
at
home
were
my
fathers
and
I
do
not
think
she
opened
any
of
them
She
had
one
or
two
volumes
that
dated
from
her
own
youth
and
she
tried
in
vain
to
interest
me
in
them
there
was
Miss
Stricklands
QUEENS
OF
ENGLAND
a
book
I
remember
with
particular
animosity
and
QUEECHY
and
the
WIDE
WIDE
WORLD
She
made
these
books
of
hers
into
a
class
apart
by
sewing
outer
covers
upon
them
of
calico
and
figured
muslin
To
me
in
these
habiliments
they
seemed
not
so
much
books
as
confederated
old
ladies
My
mother
was
also
very
punctual
with
her
religious
duties
and
rejoiced
to
watch
me
in
the
choir
On
winter
evenings
she
occupied
an
armchair
on
the
other
side
of
the
table
at
which
I
sat
head
on
hand
reading
and
she
would
be
darning
stockings
or
socks
or
the
like
We
achieved
an
effect
of
rather
stuffy
comfortableness
that
was
soporific
and
in
a
passive
way
I
think
she
found
these
among
her
happy
times
On
such
occasions
she
was
wont
to
put
her
work
down
on
her
knees
and
fall
into
a
sort
of
thoughtless
musing
that
would
last
for
long
intervals
and
rouse
my
curiosity
For
like
most
young
people
I
could
not
imagine
mental
states
without
definite
forms
She
carried
on
a
correspondence
with
a
number
of
cousins
and
friends
writing
letters
in
a
slanting
Italian
hand
and
dealing
mainly
with
births
marriages
and
deaths
business
starts
in
the
vaguest
terms
and
the
distresses
of
bankruptcy
And
yet
you
know
she
did
have
a
curious
intimate
life
of
her
own
that
I
suspected
nothing
of
at
the
time
that
only
now
becomes
credible
to
me
She
kept
a
diary
that
is
still
in
my
possession
a
diary
of
fragmentary
entries
in
a
miscellaneous
collection
of
pocket
books
She
put
down
the
texts
of
the
sermons
she
heard
and
queer
stiff
little
comments
on
casual
visitors
Miss
G
and
much
noisy
shrieking
talk
about
games
and
such
frivolities
and
CROQUAY
A
delighted
and
VERY
ATTENTIVE
Such
little
human
entries
abound
She
had
an
odd
way
of
never
writing
a
name
only
an
initial
my
father
is
always
A
and
I
am
always
D
It
is
manifest
she
followed
the
domestic
events
in
the
life
of
the
Princess
of
Wales
who
is
now
Queen
Mother
with
peculiar
interest
and
sympathy
Pray
G
all
may
be
well
she
writes
in
one
such
crisis
But
there
are
things
about
myself
that
I
still
find
too
poignant
to
tell
easily
certain
painful
and
clumsy
circumstances
of
my
birth
in
very
great
detail
the
distresses
of
my
infantile
ailments
Then
later
I
find
such
things
as
this
Heard
D
s
The
s
is
evidently
swear
G
bless
and
keep
my
boy
from
evil
And
again
with
the
thin
handwriting
shaken
by
distress
D
would
not
go
to
church
and
hardened
his
heart
and
said
wicked
infidel
things
much
disrespect
of
the
clergy
The
anthem
is
tiresome
That
men
should
set
up
to
be
wiser
than
their
maker
Then
trebly
underlined
I
FEAR
HIS
FATHERS
TEACHING
Dreadful
little
tangle
of
misapprehensions
and
false
judgments
More
comforting
for
me
to
read
D
very
kind
and
good
He
grows
more
thoughtful
every
day
I
suspect
myself
of
forgotten
hypocrisies
At
just
one
point
my
mothers
papers
seem
to
dip
deeper
I
think
the
death
of
my
father
must
have
stirred
her
for
the
first
time
for
many
years
to
think
for
herself
Even
she
could
not
go
on
living
in
any
peace
at
all
believing
that
he
had
indeed
been
flung
headlong
into
hell
Of
this
gnawing
solicitude
she
never
spoke
to
me
never
and
for
her
diary
also
she
could
find
no
phrases
But
on
a
loose
half
sheet
of
notepaper
between
its
pages
I
find
this
passage
that
follows
written
very
carefully
I
do
not
know
whose
lines
they
are
nor
how
she
came
upon
them
They
run

And
if
there
be
no
meeting
past
the
grave

If
all
is
darkness
silence
yet
tis
rest

Be
not
afraid
ye
waiting
hearts
that
weep

For
God
still
giveth
His
beloved
sleep

And
if
an
endless
sleep
He
wills
so
best
That
scrap
of
verse
amazed
me
when
I
read
it
I
could
even
wonder
if
my
mother
really
grasped
the
import
of
what
she
had
copied
out
It
affected
me
as
if
a
stone
deaf
person
had
suddenly
turned
and
joined
in
a
whispered
conversation
It
set
me
thinking
how
far
a
mind
in
its
general
effect
quite
hopelessly
limited
might
range
After
that
I
went
through
all
her
diaries
trying
to
find
something
more
than
a
conventional
term
of
tenderness
for
my
father
But
I
found
nothing
And
yet
somehow
there
grew
upon
me
the
realisation
that
there
had
been
love
Her
love
for
me
on
the
other
hand
was
abundantly
expressed
I
knew
nothing
of
that
secret
life
of
feeling
at
the
time
such
expression
as
it
found
was
all
beyond
my
schoolboy
range
I
did
not
know
when
I
pleased
her
and
I
did
not
know
when
I
distressed
her
Chiefly
I
was
aware
of
my
mother
as
rather
dull
company
as
a
mind
thorny
with
irrational
conclusions
and
incapable
of
explication
as
one
believing
quite
wilfully
and
irritatingly
in
impossible
things
So
I
suppose
it
had
to
be
life
was
coming
to
me
in
new
forms
and
with
new
requirements
It
was
essential
to
our
situation
that
we
should
fail
to
understand
After
this
space
of
years
I
have
come
to
realisations
and
attitudes
that
dissolve
my
estrangement
from
her
I
can
pierce
these
barriers
I
can
see
her
and
feel
her
as
a
loving
and
feeling
and
desiring
and
muddle
headed
person
There
are
times
when
I
would
have
her
alive
again
if
only
that
I
might
be
kind
to
her
for
a
little
while
and
give
her
some
return
for
the
narrow
intense
affection
the
tender
desires
she
evidently
lavished
so
abundantly
on
me
But
then
again
I
ask
how
I
could
make
that
return
And
I
realise
the
futility
of
such
dreaming
Her
demand
was
rigid
and
to
meet
it
I
should
need
to
act
and
lie
So
she
whose
blood
fed
me
whose
body
made
me
lies
in
my
memory
as
I
saw
her
last
fixed
still
infinitely
intimate
infinitely
remote
My
own
case
with
my
mother
however
does
not
awaken
the
same
regret
I
feel
when
I
think
of
how
she
misjudged
and
irked
my
father
and
turned
his
weaknesses
into
thorns
for
her
own
tormenting
I
wish
I
could
look
back
without
that
little
twinge
to
two
people
who
were
both
in
their
different
quality
so
good
But
goodness
that
is
narrow
is
a
pedestrian
and
ineffectual
goodness
Her
attitude
to
my
father
seems
to
me
one
of
the
essentially
tragic
things
that
have
come
to
me
personally
one
of
those
things
that
nothing
can
transfigure
that
REMAIN
sorrowful
that
I
cannot
soothe
with
any
explanation
for
as
I
remember
him
he
was
indeed
the
most
lovable
of
weak
spasmodic
men
But
my
mother
had
been
trained
in
a
hard
and
narrow
system
that
made
evil
out
of
many
things
not
in
the
least
evil
and
inculcated
neither
kindliness
nor
charity
All
their
estrangement
followed
from
that
These
cramping
cults
do
indeed
take
an
enormous
toll
of
human
love
and
happiness
and
not
only
that
but
what
we
Machiavellians
must
needs
consider
they
make
frightful
breaches
in
human
solidarity
I
suppose
I
am
a
deeply
religious
man
as
men
of
my
quality
go
but
I
hate
more
and
more
as
I
grow
older
the
shadow
of
intolerance
cast
by
religious
organisations
All
my
life
has
been
darkened
by
irrational
intolerance
by
arbitrary
irrational
prohibitions
and
exclusions
Mahometanism
with
its
fierce
proselytism
has
I
suppose
the
blackest
record
of
uncharitableness
but
most
of
the
Christian
sects
are
tainted
tainted
to
a
degree
beyond
any
of
the
anterior
paganisms
with
this
same
hateful
quality
It
is
their
exclusive
claim
that
sends
them
wrong
the
vain
ambition
that
inspires
them
all
to
teach
a
uniform
one
sided
God
and
be
the
one
and
only
gateway
to
salvation
Deprecation
of
all
outside
the
household
of
faith
an
organised
undervaluation
of
heretical
goodness
and
lovableness
follows
necessarily
Every
petty
difference
is
exaggerated
to
the
quality
of
a
saving
grace
or
a
damning
defect
Elaborate
precautions
are
taken
to
shield
the
believers
mind
against
broad
or
amiable
suggestions
the
faithful
are
deterred
by
dark
allusions
by
sinister
warnings
from
books
from
theatres
from
worldly
conversation
from
all
the
kindly
instruments
that
mingle
human
sympathy
For
only
by
isolating
its
flock
can
the
organisation
survive
Every
month
there
came
to
my
mother
a
little
magazine
called
if
I
remember
rightly
the
HOME
CHURCHMAN
with
the
combined
authority
of
print
and
clerical
commendation
It
was
the
most
evil
thing
that
ever
came
into
the
house
a
very
devil
a
thin
little
pamphlet
with
one
woodcut
illustration
on
the
front
page
of
each
number
now
the
uninviting
visage
of
some
exponent
of
the
real
and
only
doctrine
and
attitudes
now
some
coral
strand
in
act
of
welcoming
the
missionaries
of
Gods
mysterious
preferences
now
a
new
church
in
the
Victorian
Gothic
The
vile
rag
it
was
A
score
of
vices
that
shun
the
policeman
have
nothing
of
its
subtle
wickedness
It
was
an
outrage
upon
the
natural
kindliness
of
men
The
contents
were
all
admirably
adjusted
to
keep
a
spirit
in
prison
Their
force
of
sustained
suggestion
was
tremendous
There
would
be
dreadful
intimations
of
the
swift
retribution
that
fell
upon
individuals
for
Sabbath
breaking
and
upon
nations
for
weakening
towards
Ritualism
or
treating
Roman
Catholics
as
tolerable
human
beings
there
would
be
great
rejoicings
over
the
conversion
of
alleged
Jews
and
terrible
descriptions
of
the
death
beds
of
prominent
infidels
with
boldly
invented
last
words
the
most
unscrupulous
lying
there
would
be
the
appallingly
edifying
careers
of
early
piety
lusciously
described
or
stories
of
condemned
criminals
who
traced
their
final
ruin
unerringly
to
early
laxities
of
the
kind
that
leads
people
to
give
up
subscribing
to
the
HOME
CHURCHMAN
Every
month
that
evil
spirit
brought
about
a
slump
in
our
mutual
love
My
mother
used
to
read
the
thing
and
become
depressed
and
anxious
for
my
spiritual
welfare
used
to
be
stirred
to
unintelligent
pestering
2
A
few
years
ago
I
met
the
editor
of
this
same
HOME
CHURCHMAN
It
was
at
one
of
the
weekly
dinners
of
that
Fleet
Street
dining
club
the
Blackfriars
I
heard
the
papers
name
with
a
queer
little
shock
and
surveyed
the
man
with
interest
No
doubt
he
was
only
a
successor
of
the
purveyor
of
discords
who
darkened
my
boyhood
It
was
amazing
to
find
an
influence
so
terrible
embodied
in
a
creature
so
palpably
petty
He
was
seated
some
way
down
a
table
at
right
angles
to
the
one
at
which
I
sat
a
man
of
mean
appearance
with
a
greyish
complexion
thin
with
a
square
nose
a
heavy
wiry
moustache
and
a
big
Adams
apple
sticking
out
between
the
wings
of
his
collar
He
ate
with
considerable
appetite
and
unconcealed
relish
and
as
his
jaw
was
underhung
he
chummed
and
made
the
moustache
wave
like
reeds
in
the
swell
of
a
steamer
It
gave
him
a
conscientious
look
After
dinner
he
a
little
forced
himself
upon
me
At
that
time
though
the
shadow
of
my
scandal
was
already
upon
me
I
still
seemed
to
be
shaping
for
great
successes
and
he
was
glad
to
be
in
conversation
with
me
and
anxious
to
intimate
political
sympathy
and
support
I
tried
to
make
him
talk
of
the
HOME
CHURCHMAN
and
the
kindred
publications
he
ran
but
he
was
manifestly
ashamed
of
his
job
so
far
as
I
was
concerned
One
wants
he
said
pitching
himself
as
he
supposed
in
my
key
to
put
constructive
ideas
into
our
readers
but
they
are
narrow
you
know
very
narrow
Very
He
made
his
moustache
and
lips
express
judicious
regret
One
has
to
consider
them
carefully
one
has
to
respect
their
attitudes
One
dare
not
go
too
far
with
them
One
has
to
feel
ones
way
He
chummed
and
the
moustache
bristled
A
hireling
beyond
question
catering
for
a
demand
I
gathered
there
was
a
home
in
Tufnell
Park
and
three
boys
to
be
fed
and
clothed
and
educated
I
had
the
curiosity
to
buy
a
copy
of
his
magazine
afterwards
and
it
seemed
much
the
same
sort
of
thing
that
had
worried
my
mother
in
my
boyhood
There
was
the
usual
Christian
hero
this
time
with
mutton
chop
whiskers
and
a
long
bare
upper
lip
The
Jesuits
it
seemed
were
still
hard
at
it
and
Heaven
frightfully
upset
about
the
Sunday
opening
of
museums
and
the
falling
birth
rate
and
as
touchy
and
vindictive
as
ever
There
were
two
vigorous
paragraphs
upon
the
utter
damnableness
of
the
Rev
R
J
Campbell
a
contagious
damnableness
I
gathered
one
wasnt
safe
within
a
mile
of
Holborn
Viaduct
and
a
foul
mouthed
attack
on
poor
little
Wilkins
the
novelist
who
was
being
baited
by
the
moralists
at
that
time
for
making
one
of
his
big
women
characters
not
being
in
holy
wedlock
desire
a
baby
and
say
so
The
broadening
of
human
thought
is
a
slow
and
complex
process
We
do
go
on
we
do
get
on
But
when
one
thinks
that
people
are
living
and
dying
now
quarrelling
and
sulking
misled
and
misunderstanding
vaguely
fearful
condemning
and
thwarting
one
another
in
the
close
darknesses
of
these
narrow
cults
Oh
God
one
wants
a
gale
out
of
Heaven
one
wants
a
great
wind
from
the
sea
3
While
I
lived
at
Penge
two
little
things
happened
to
me
trivial
in
themselves
and
yet
in
their
quality
profoundly
significant
They
had
this
in
common
that
they
pierced
the
texture
of
the
life
I
was
quietly
taking
for
granted
and
let
me
see
through
it
into
realities
realities
I
had
indeed
known
about
before
but
never
realised
Each
of
these
experiences
left
me
with
a
sense
of
shock
with
all
the
values
in
my
life
perplexingly
altered
attempting
readjustment
One
of
these
disturbing
and
illuminating
events
was
that
I
was
robbed
of
a
new
pocket
knife
and
the
other
that
I
fell
in
love
It
was
altogether
surprising
to
me
to
be
robbed
You
see
as
an
only
child
I
had
always
been
fairly
well
looked
after
and
protected
and
the
result
was
an
amazing
confidence
in
the
practical
goodness
of
the
people
one
met
in
the
world
I
knew
there
were
robbers
in
the
world
just
as
I
knew
there
were
tigers
that
I
was
ever
likely
to
meet
robber
or
tiger
face
to
face
seemed
equally
impossible
The
knife
as
I
remember
it
was
a
particularly
jolly
one
with
all
sorts
of
instruments
in
it
tweezers
and
a
thing
for
getting
a
stone
out
of
the
hoof
of
a
horse
and
a
corkscrew
it
had
cost
me
a
carefuly
accumulated
half
crown
and
amounted
indeed
to
a
new
experience
in
knives
I
had
had
it
for
two
or
three
days
and
then
one
afternoon
I
dropped
it
through
a
hole
in
my
pocket
on
a
footpath
crossing
a
field
between
Penge
and
Anerley
I
heard
it
fall
in
the
way
one
does
without
at
the
time
appreciating
what
had
happened
then
later
before
I
got
home
when
my
hand
wandered
into
my
pocket
to
embrace
the
still
dear
new
possession
I
found
it
gone
and
instantly
that
memory
of
something
hitting
the
ground
sprang
up
into
consciousness
I
went
back
and
commenced
a
search
Almost
immediately
I
was
accosted
by
the
leader
of
a
little
gang
of
four
or
five
extremely
dirty
and
ragged
boys
of
assorted
sizes
and
slouching
carriage
who
were
coming
from
the
Anerley
direction
Lost
anythink
Matey
said
he
I
explained
Es
dropped
is
knife
said
my
interlocutor
and
joined
in
the
search
What
sort
of
andle
was
it
Matey
said
a
small
white
faced
sniffing
boy
in
a
big
bowler
hat
I
supplied
the
information
His
sharp
little
face
scrutinised
the
ground
about
us
GOT
it
he
said
and
pounced
Give
it
ere
said
the
big
boy
hoarsely
and
secured
it
I
walked
towards
him
serenely
confident
that
he
would
hand
it
over
to
me
and
that
all
was
for
the
best
in
the
best
of
all
possible
worlds
No
bloomin
fear
he
said
regarding
me
obliquely
Oo
said
it
was
your
knife
Remarkable
doubts
assailed
me
Of
course
its
my
knife
I
said
The
other
boys
gathered
round
me
This
aint
your
knife
said
the
big
boy
and
spat
casually
I
dropped
it
just
now
Findins
keepins
I
believe
said
the
big
boy
Nonsense
I
said
Give
me
my
knife
Ow
many
blades
it
got
Three
And
what
sort
of
andle
Bone
Got
a
corkscrew
like
Yes
Ah
This
aint
your
knife
noow
See
He
made
no
offer
to
show
it
to
me
My
breath
went
Look
here
I
said
I
saw
that
kid
pick
it
up
It
IS
my
knife
Rot
said
the
big
boy
and
slowly
deliberately
put
my
knife
into
his
trouser
pocket
I
braced
my
soul
for
battle
All
civilisation
was
behind
me
but
I
doubt
if
it
kept
the
colour
in
my
face
I
buttoned
my
jacket
and
clenched
my
fists
and
advanced
on
my
antagonist
he
had
I
suppose
the
advantage
of
two
years
of
age
and
three
inches
of
height
Hand
over
that
knife
I
said
Then
one
of
the
smallest
of
the
band
assailed
me
with
extraordinary
vigour
and
swiftness
from
behind
had
an
arm
round
my
neck
and
a
knee
in
my
back
before
I
had
the
slightest
intimation
of
attack
and
so
got
me
down
I
got
im
Bill
squeaked
this
amazing
little
ruffian
My
nose
was
flattened
by
a
dirty
hand
and
as
I
struck
out
and
hit
something
like
sacking
some
one
kicked
my
elbow
Two
or
three
seemed
to
be
at
me
at
the
same
time
Then
I
rolled
over
and
sat
up
to
discover
them
all
making
off
a
ragged
flight
footballing
my
cap
my
City
Merchants
cap
amongst
them
I
leapt
to
my
feet
in
a
passion
of
indignation
and
pursued
them
But
I
did
not
overtake
them
We
are
beings
of
mixed
composition
and
I
doubt
if
mine
was
a
single
minded
pursuit
I
knew
that
honour
required
me
to
pursue
and
I
had
a
vivid
impression
of
having
just
been
down
in
the
dust
with
a
very
wiry
and
active
and
dirty
little
antagonist
of
disagreeable
odour
and
incredible
and
incalculable
unscrupulousness
kneeling
on
me
and
gripping
my
arm
and
neck
I
wanted
of
course
to
be
even
with
him
but
also
I
doubted
if
catching
him
would
necessarily
involve
that
They
kicked
my
cap
into
the
ditch
at
the
end
of
the
field
and
made
off
compactly
along
a
cinder
lane
while
I
turned
aside
to
recover
my
dishonoured
headdress
As
I
knocked
the
dust
out
of
that
and
out
of
my
jacket
and
brushed
my
knees
and
readjusted
my
very
crumpled
collar
I
tried
to
focus
this
startling
occurrence
in
my
mind
I
had
vague
ideas
of
going
to
a
policeman
or
of
complaining
at
a
police
station
but
some
boyish
instinct
against
informing
prevented
that
No
doubt
I
entertained
ideas
of
vindictive
pursuit
and
murderous
reprisals
And
I
was
acutely
enraged
whenever
I
thought
of
my
knife
The
thing
indeed
rankled
in
my
mind
for
weeks
and
weeks
and
altered
all
the
flavour
of
my
world
for
me
It
was
the
first
time
I
glimpsed
the
simple
brute
violence
that
lurks
and
peeps
beneath
our
civilisation
A
certain
kindly
complacency
of
attitude
towards
the
palpably
lower
classes
was
qualified
for
ever
4
But
the
other
experience
was
still
more
cardinal
It
was
the
first
clear
intimation
of
a
new
motif
in
life
the
sex
motif
that
was
to
rise
and
increase
and
accumulate
power
and
enrichment
and
interweave
with
and
at
last
dominate
all
my
life
It
was
when
I
was
nearly
fifteen
this
happened
It
is
inseparably
connected
in
my
mind
with
the
dusk
of
warm
September
evenings
I
never
met
the
girl
I
loved
by
daylight
and
I
have
forgotten
her
name
It
was
some
insignificant
name
Yet
the
peculiar
quality
of
the
adventure
keeps
it
shining
darkly
like
some
deep
coloured
gem
in
the
common
setting
of
my
memories
It
came
as
something
new
and
strange
something
that
did
not
join
on
to
anything
else
in
my
life
or
connect
with
any
of
my
thoughts
or
beliefs
or
habits
it
was
a
wonder
a
mystery
a
discovery
about
myself
a
discovery
about
the
whole
world
Only
in
after
years
did
sexual
feeling
lose
that
isolation
and
spread
itself
out
to
illuminate
and
pervade
and
at
last
possess
the
whole
broad
vision
of
life
It
was
in
that
phase
of
an
urban
youths
development
the
phase
of
the
cheap
cigarette
that
this
thing
happened
One
evening
I
came
by
chance
on
a
number
of
young
people
promenading
by
the
light
of
a
row
of
shops
towards
Beckington
and
with
all
the
glory
of
a
glowing
cigarette
between
my
lips
I
joined
their
strolling
number
These
twilight
parades
of
young
people
youngsters
chiefly
of
the
lower
middle
class
are
one
of
the
odd
social
developments
of
the
great
suburban
growths
unkindly
critics
blind
to
the
inner
meanings
of
things
call
them
I
believe
Monkeys
Parades
the
shop
apprentices
the
young
work
girls
the
boy
clerks
and
so
forth
stirred
by
mysterious
intimations
spend
their
first
earned
money
upon
collars
and
ties
chiffon
hats
smart
lace
collars
walking
sticks
sunshades
or
cigarettes
and
come
valiantly
into
the
vague
transfiguring
mingling
of
gaslight
and
evening
to
walk
up
and
down
to
eye
meaningly
even
to
accost
and
make
friends
It
is
a
queer
instinctive
revolt
from
the
narrow
limited
friendless
homes
in
which
so
many
find
themselves
a
going
out
towards
something
romance
if
you
will
beauty
that
has
suddenly
become
a
need
a
need
that
hitherto
has
lain
dormant
and
unsuspected
They
promenade
Vulgar
it
is
as
vulgar
as
the
spirit
that
calls
the
moth
abroad
in
the
evening
and
lights
the
body
of
the
glow
worm
in
the
night
I
made
my
way
through
the
throng
a
little
contemptuously
as
became
a
public
schoolboy
my
hands
in
my
pockets
none
of
your
cheap
canes
for
me
and
very
careful
of
the
lie
of
my
cigarette
upon
my
lips
And
two
girls
passed
me
one
a
little
taller
than
the
other
with
dim
warm
tinted
faces
under
clouds
of
dark
hair
and
with
dark
eyes
like
pools
reflecting
stars
I
half
turned
and
the
shorter
one
glanced
back
at
me
over
her
shoulder
I
could
draw
you
now
the
pose
of
her
cheek
and
neck
and
shoulder
and
instantly
I
was
as
passionately
in
love
with
the
girl
as
I
have
ever
been
before
or
since
as
any
man
ever
was
with
any
woman
I
turned
about
and
followed
them
I
flung
away
my
cigarette
ostentatiously
and
lifted
my
school
cap
and
spoke
to
them
The
girl
answered
shyly
with
her
dark
eyes
on
my
face
What
I
said
and
what
she
said
I
cannot
remember
but
I
have
little
doubt
it
was
something
absolutely
vapid
It
really
did
not
matter
the
thing
was
we
had
met
I
felt
as
I
think
a
new
hatched
moth
must
feel
when
suddenly
its
urgent
headlong
searching
brings
it
in
tremulous
amazement
upon
its
mate
We
met
covered
from
each
other
with
all
the
nets
of
civilisation
keeping
us
apart
We
walked
side
by
side
It
led
to
scarcely
more
than
that
I
think
we
met
four
or
five
times
altogether
and
always
with
her
nearly
silent
elder
sister
on
the
other
side
of
her
We
walked
on
the
last
two
occasions
arm
in
arm
furtively
caressing
each
others
hands
we
went
away
from
the
glare
of
the
shops
into
the
quiet
roads
of
villadom
and
there
we
whispered
instead
of
talking
and
looked
closely
into
one
anothers
warm
and
shaded
face
Dear
I
whispered
very
daringly
and
she
answered
Dear
We
had
a
vague
sense
that
we
wanted
more
of
that
quality
of
intimacy
and
more
We
wanted
each
other
as
one
wants
beautiful
music
again
or
to
breathe
again
the
scent
of
flowers
And
that
is
all
there
was
between
us
The
events
are
nothing
the
thing
that
matters
is
the
way
in
which
this
experience
stabbed
through
the
common
stuff
of
life
and
left
it
pierced
with
a
light
with
a
huge
new
interest
shining
through
the
rent
When
I
think
of
it
I
can
recall
even
now
the
warm
mystery
of
her
face
her
lips
a
little
apart
lips
that
I
never
kissed
her
soft
shadowed
throat
and
I
feel
again
the
sensuous
stir
of
her
proximity
Those
two
girls
never
told
me
their
surname
nor
let
me
approach
their
house
They
made
me
leave
them
at
the
corner
of
a
road
of
small
houses
near
Penge
Station
And
quite
abruptly
without
any
intimation
they
vanished
and
came
to
the
meeting
place
no
more
they
vanished
as
a
moth
goes
out
of
a
window
into
the
night
and
left
me
possessed
of
an
intolerable
want
The
affair
pervaded
my
existence
for
many
weeks
I
could
not
do
my
work
and
I
could
not
rest
at
home
Night
after
night
I
promenaded
up
and
down
that
Monkeys
Parade
full
of
an
unappeasable
desire
with
a
thwarted
sense
of
something
just
begun
that
ought
to
have
gone
on
I
went
backwards
and
forwards
on
the
way
to
the
vanishing
place
and
at
last
explored
the
forbidden
road
that
had
swallowed
them
up
But
I
never
saw
her
again
except
that
later
she
came
to
me
my
symbol
of
womanhood
in
dreams
How
my
blood
was
stirred
I
lay
awake
of
nights
whispering
in
the
darkness
for
her
I
prayed
for
her
Indeed
that
girl
who
probably
forgot
the
last
vestiges
of
me
when
her
first
real
kiss
came
to
her
ruled
and
haunted
me
gave
a
Queen
to
my
imagination
and
a
texture
to
all
my
desires
until
I
became
a
man
I
generalised
her
at
last
I
suddenly
discovered
that
poetry
was
about
her
and
that
she
was
the
key
to
all
that
had
hitherto
seemed
nonsense
about
love
I
took
to
reading
novels
and
if
the
heroine
could
not
possibly
be
like
her
dusky
and
warm
and
starlike
I
put
the
book
aside
I
hesitate
and
add
here
one
other
confession
I
want
to
tell
this
thing
because
it
seems
to
me
we
are
altogether
too
restrained
and
secretive
about
such
matters
The
cardinal
thing
in
life
sneaks
in
to
us
darkly
and
shamefully
like
a
thief
in
the
night
One
day
during
my
Cambridge
days
it
must
have
been
in
my
first
year
before
I
knew
Hatherleigh
I
saw
in
a
print
shop
window
near
the
Strand
an
engraving
of
a
girl
that
reminded
me
sharply
of
Penge
and
its
dusky
encounter
It
was
just
a
half
length
of
a
bare
shouldered
bare
breasted
Oriental
with
arms
akimbo
smiling
faintly
I
looked
at
it
went
my
way
then
turned
back
and
bought
it
I
felt
I
must
have
it
The
odd
thing
is
that
I
was
more
than
a
little
shamefaced
about
it
I
did
not
have
it
framed
and
hung
in
my
room
open
to
the
criticism
of
my
friends
but
I
kept
it
in
the
drawer
of
my
writing
table
And
I
kept
that
drawer
locked
for
a
year
It
speedily
merged
with
and
became
identified
with
the
dark
girl
of
Penge
That
engraving
became
in
a
way
my
mistress
Often
when
I
had
sported
my
oak
and
was
supposed
to
be
reading
I
was
sitting
with
it
before
me
Obeying
some
instinct
I
kept
the
thing
very
secret
indeed
For
a
time
nobody
suspected
what
was
locked
in
my
drawer
nor
what
was
locked
in
me
I
seemed
as
sexless
as
my
world
required
5
These
things
stabbed
through
my
life
intimations
of
things
above
and
below
and
before
me
They
had
an
air
of
being
no
more
than
incidents
interruptions
The
broad
substance
of
my
existence
at
this
time
was
the
City
Merchants
School
Home
was
a
place
where
I
slept
and
read
and
the
mooning
explorations
of
the
south
eastern
postal
district
which
occupied
the
restless
evenings
and
spare
days
of
my
vacations
mere
interstices
giving
glimpses
of
enigmatical
lights
and
distant
spaces
between
the
woven
threads
of
a
school
boys
career
School
life
began
for
me
every
morning
at
Herne
Hill
for
there
I
was
joined
by
three
or
four
other
boys
and
the
rest
of
the
way
we
went
together
Most
of
the
streets
and
roads
we
traversed
in
our
mornings
walk
from
Victoria
are
still
intact
the
storms
of
rebuilding
that
have
submerged
so
much
of
my
boyhoods
London
have
passed
and
left
them
and
I
have
revived
the
impression
of
them
again
and
again
in
recent
years
as
I
have
clattered
dinnerward
in
a
hansom
or
hummed
along
in
a
motor
cab
to
some
engagement
The
main
gate
still
looks
out
with
the
same
expression
of
ancient
well
proportioned
kindliness
upon
St
Margarets
Close
There
are
imposing
new
science
laboratories
in
Chambers
Street
indeed
but
the
old
playing
fields
are
unaltered
except
for
the
big
electric
trams
that
go
droning
and
spitting
blue
flashes
along
the
western
boundary
I
know
Ratten
the
new
Head
very
well
but
I
have
not
been
inside
the
school
to
see
if
it
has
changed
at
all
since
I
went
up
to
Cambridge
I
took
all
they
put
before
us
very
readily
as
a
boy
for
I
had
a
mind
of
vigorous
appetite
but
since
I
have
grown
mentally
to
mans
estate
and
developed
a
more
and
more
comprehensive
view
of
our
national
process
and
our
national
needs
I
am
more
and
more
struck
by
the
oddity
of
the
educational
methods
pursued
their
aimless
disconnectedness
from
the
constructive
forces
in
the
community
I
suppose
if
we
are
to
view
the
public
school
as
anything
more
than
an
institution
that
has
just
chanced
to
happen
we
must
treat
it
as
having
a
definite
function
towards
the
general
scheme
of
the
nation
as
being
in
a
sense
designed
to
take
the
crude
young
male
of
the
more
or
less
responsible
class
to
correct
his
harsh
egotisms
broaden
his
outlook
give
him
a
grasp
of
the
contemporary
developments
he
will
presently
be
called
upon
to
influence
and
control
and
send
him
on
to
the
university
to
be
made
a
leading
and
ruling
social
man
It
is
easy
enough
to
carp
at
schoolmasters
and
set
up
for
an
Educational
Reformer
I
know
but
still
it
is
impossible
not
to
feel
how
infinitely
more
effectually
given
certain
impossibilities
perhaps
the
job
might
be
done
My
memory
of
school
has
indeed
no
hint
whatever
of
that
quality
of
elucidation
it
seems
reasonable
to
demand
from
it
Here
all
about
me
was
London
a
vast
inexplicable
being
a
vortex
of
gigantic
forces
that
filled
and
overwhelmed
me
with
impressions
that
stirred
my
imagination
to
a
perpetual
vague
enquiry
and
my
school
not
only
offered
no
key
to
it
but
had
practically
no
comment
to
make
upon
it
at
all
We
were
within
three
miles
of
Westminster
and
Charing
Cross
the
government
offices
of
a
fifth
of
mankind
were
all
within
an
hours
stroll
great
economic
changes
were
going
on
under
our
eyes
now
the
hoardings
flamed
with
election
placards
now
the
Salvation
Army
and
now
the
unemployed
came
trailing
in
procession
through
the
winter
grey
streets
now
the
newspaper
placards
outside
news
shops
told
of
battles
in
strange
places
now
of
amazing
discoveries
now
of
sinister
crimes
abject
squalor
and
poverty
imperial
splendour
and
luxury
Buckingham
Palace
Rotten
Row
Mayfair
the
slums
of
Pimlico
garbage
littered
streets
of
bawling
costermongers
the
inky
silver
of
the
barge
laden
Thames
such
was
the
background
of
our
days
We
went
across
St
Margarets
Close
and
through
the
school
gate
into
a
quiet
puerile
world
apart
from
all
these
things
We
joined
in
the
earnest
acquirement
of
all
that
was
necessary
for
Greek
epigrams
and
Latin
verse
and
for
the
rest
played
games
We
dipped
down
into
something
clear
and
elegantly
proportioned
and
time
worn
and
for
all
its
high
resolve
of
stalwart
virility
a
little
feeble
like
our
blackened
and
decayed
portals
by
Inigo
Jones
Within
we
were
taught
as
the
chief
subjects
of
instruction
Latin
and
Greek
We
were
taught
very
badly
because
the
men
who
taught
us
did
not
habitually
use
either
of
these
languages
nobody
uses
them
any
more
now
except
perhaps
for
the
Latin
of
a
few
Levantine
monasteries
At
the
utmost
our
men
read
them
We
were
taught
these
languages
because
long
ago
Latin
had
been
the
language
of
civilisation
the
one
way
of
escape
from
the
narrow
and
localised
life
had
lain
in
those
days
through
Latin
and
afterwards
Greek
had
come
in
as
the
vehicle
of
a
flood
of
new
and
amazing
ideas
Once
these
two
languages
had
been
the
sole
means
of
initiation
to
the
detached
criticism
and
partial
comprehension
of
the
world
I
can
imagine
the
fierce
zeal
of
our
first
Heads
Gardener
and
Roper
teaching
Greek
like
passionate
missionaries
as
a
progressive
Chinaman
might
teach
English
to
the
boys
of
Pekin
clumsily
impatiently
with
rod
and
harsh
urgency
but
sincerely
patriotically
because
they
felt
that
behind
it
lay
revelations
the
irresistible
stimulus
to
a
new
phase
of
history
That
was
long
ago
A
new
great
world
a
vaster
Imperialism
had
arisen
about
the
school
had
assimilated
all
these
amazing
and
incredible
ideas
had
gone
on
to
new
and
yet
more
amazing
developments
of
its
own
But
the
City
Merchants
School
still
made
the
substance
of
its
teaching
Latin
and
Greek
still
with
no
thought
of
rotating
crops
sowed
in
a
dream
amidst
the
harvesting
There
is
no
fierceness
left
in
the
teaching
now
Just
after
I
went
up
to
Trinity
Gates
our
Head
wrote
a
review
article
in
defence
of
our
curriculum
In
this
among
other
indiscretions
he
asserted
that
it
was
impossible
to
write
good
English
without
an
illuminating
knowledge
of
the
classic
tongues
and
he
split
an
infinitive
and
failed
to
button
up
a
sentence
in
saying
so
His
main
argument
conceded
every
objection
a
reasonable
person
could
make
to
the
City
Merchants
curriculum
He
admitted
that
translation
had
now
placed
all
the
wisdom
of
the
past
at
a
common
mans
disposal
that
scarcely
a
field
of
endeavour
remained
in
which
modern
work
had
not
long
since
passed
beyond
the
ancient
achievement
He
disclaimed
any
utility
But
there
was
he
said
a
peculiar
magic
in
these
grammatical
exercises
no
other
subjects
of
instruction
possessed
Nothing
else
provided
the
same
strengthening
and
orderly
discipline
for
the
mind
He
said
that
knowing
the
Senior
Classics
he
did
himself
a
Senior
Classic
Yet
in
a
dim
confused
way
I
think
be
was
making
out
a
case
In
schools
as
we
knew
them
and
with
the
sort
of
assistant
available
the
sort
of
assistant
who
has
been
trained
entirely
on
the
old
lines
he
could
see
no
other
teaching
so
effectual
in
developing
attention
restraint
sustained
constructive
effort
and
various
yet
systematic
adjustment
And
that
was
as
far
as
his
imagination
could
go
It
is
infinitely
easier
to
begin
organised
human
affairs
than
end
them
the
curriculum
and
the
social
organisation
of
the
English
public
school
are
the
crowning
instances
of
that
They
go
on
because
they
have
begun
Schools
are
not
only
immortal
institutions
but
reproductive
ones
Our
founder
Jabez
Arvon
knew
nothing
I
am
sure
of
Gates
pedagogic
values
and
would
I
feel
certain
have
dealt
with
them
disrespectfully
But
public
schools
and
university
colleges
sprang
into
existence
correlated
the
scholars
went
on
to
the
universities
and
came
back
to
teach
the
schools
to
teach
as
they
themselves
had
been
taught
before
they
had
ever
made
any
real
use
of
the
teaching
the
crowd
of
boys
herded
together
a
crowd
perpetually
renewed
and
unbrokenly
the
same
adjusted
itself
by
means
of
spontaneously
developed
institutions
In
a
century
by
its
very
success
this
revolutionary
innovation
of
Renascence
public
schools
had
become
an
immense
tradition
woven
closely
into
the
fabric
of
the
national
life
Intelligent
and
powerful
people
ceased
to
talk
Latin
or
read
Greek
they
had
got
what
was
wanted
but
that
only
left
the
schoolmaster
the
freer
to
elaborate
his
point
Since
most
men
of
any
importance
or
influence
in
the
country
had
been
through
the
mill
it
was
naturally
a
little
difficult
to
persuade
them
that
it
was
not
quite
the
best
and
most
ennobling
mill
the
wit
of
man
could
devise
And
moreover
they
did
not
want
their
children
made
strange
to
them
There
was
all
the
machinery
and
all
the
men
needed
to
teach
the
old
subjects
and
none
to
teach
whatever
new
the
critic
might
propose
Such
science
instruction
as
my
father
gave
seemed
indeed
the
uninviting
alternative
to
the
classical
grind
It
was
certainly
an
altogether
inferior
instrument
at
that
time
So
it
was
I
occupied
my
mind
with
the
exact
study
of
dead
languages
for
seven
long
years
It
was
the
strangest
of
detachments
We
would
sit
under
the
desk
of
such
a
master
as
Topham
like
creatures
who
had
fallen
into
an
enchanted
pit
and
he
would
do
his
considerable
best
to
work
us
up
to
enthusiasm
for
let
us
say
a
Greek
play
If
we
flagged
he
would
lash
himself
to
revive
us
He
would
walk
about
the
class
room
mouthing
great
lines
in
a
rich
roar
and
asking
us
with
a
flushed
face
and
shining
eyes
if
it
was
not
GLORIOUS
The
very
sight
of
Greek
letters
brings
back
to
me
the
dingy
faded
ink
splashed
quality
of
our
class
room
the
banging
of
books
Tophams
disordered
hair
the
sheen
of
his
alpaca
gown
his
deep
unmusical
intonations
and
the
wide
striding
of
his
creaking
boots
Glorious
And
being
plastic
human
beings
we
would
consent
that
it
was
glorious
and
some
of
us
even
achieved
an
answering
reverberation
and
a
sympathetic
flush
I
at
times
responded
freely
We
all
accepted
from
him
unquestioningly
that
these
melodies
these
strange
sounds
exceeded
any
possibility
of
beauty
that
lay
in
the
Gothic
intricacy
the
splash
and
glitter
the
jar
and
recovery
the
stabbing
lights
the
heights
and
broad
distances
of
our
English
tongue
That
indeed
was
the
chief
sin
of
him
It
was
not
that
he
was
for
Greek
and
Latin
but
that
he
was
fiercely
against
every
beauty
that
was
neither
classic
nor
deferred
to
classical
canons
And
what
exactly
did
we
make
of
it
we
seniors
who
understood
it
best
We
visualised
dimly
through
that
dust
and
the
grammatical
difficulties
the
spectacle
of
the
chorus
chanting
grotesquely
helping
out
protagonist
and
antagonist
masked
and
buskined
with
the
telling
of
incomprehensible
parricides
of
inexplicable
incest
of
gods
faded
beyond
symbolism
of
that
Relentless
Law
we
did
not
believe
in
for
a
moment
that
no
modern
western
European
can
believe
in
We
thought
of
the
characters
in
the
unconvincing
wigs
and
costumes
of
our
school
performance
No
Gilbert
Murray
had
come
as
yet
to
touch
these
things
to
life
again
It
was
like
the
ghost
of
an
antiquarians
toy
theatre
a
ghost
that
crumbled
and
condensed
into
a
gritty
dust
of
construing
as
one
looked
at
it
Marks
shindies
prayers
and
punishments
all
flavoured
with
the
leathery
stuffiness
of
time
worn
Big
Hall
And
then
out
one
would
come
through
our
grey
old
gate
into
the
evening
light
and
the
spectacle
of
London
hurrying
like
a
cataract
London
in
black
and
brown
and
blue
and
gleaming
silver
roaring
like
the
very
loom
of
Time
We
came
out
into
the
new
world
no
teacher
has
yet
had
the
power
and
courage
to
grasp
and
expound
Life
and
death
sang
all
about
one
joys
and
fears
on
such
a
scale
in
such
an
intricacy
as
never
Greek
nor
Roman
knew
The
interminable
procession
of
horse
omnibuses
went
lumbering
past
bearing
countless
people
we
knew
not
whence
we
knew
not
whither
Hansoms
clattered
foot
passengers
jostled
one
a
thousand
appeals
of
shop
and
boarding
caught
the
eye
The
multi
coloured
lights
of
window
and
street
mingled
with
the
warm
glow
of
the
declining
day
under
the
softly
flushing
London
skies
the
ever
changing
placards
the
shouting
news
vendors
told
of
a
kaleidoscopic
drama
all
about
the
globe
One
did
not
realise
what
had
happened
to
us
but
the
voice
of
Topham
was
suddenly
drowned
and
lost
he
and
his
minute
remote
gesticulations
That
submerged
and
isolated
curriculum
did
not
even
join
on
to
living
interests
where
it
might
have
done
so
We
were
left
absolutely
to
the
hints
of
the
newspapers
to
casual
political
speeches
to
the
cartoons
of
the
comic
papers
or
a
chance
reading
of
some
Socialist
pamphlet
for
any
general
ideas
whatever
about
the
huge
swirling
world
process
in
which
we
found
ourselves
I
always
look
back
with
particular
exasperation
to
the
cessation
of
our
modern
history
at
the
year
1815
There
it
pulled
up
abruptly
as
though
it
had
come
upon
something
indelicate
But
after
all
what
would
Topham
or
Flack
have
made
of
the
huge
adjustments
of
the
nineteenth
century
Flack
was
the
chief
cricketer
on
the
staff
he
belonged
to
that
great
cult
which
pretends
that
the
place
of
this
or
that
county
in
the
struggle
for
the
championship
is
a
matter
of
supreme
importance
to
boys
He
obliged
us
to
affect
a
passionate
interest
in
the
progress
of
county
matches
to
work
up
unnatural
enthusiasms
What
a
fuss
there
would
be
when
some
well
trained
boy
panting
as
if
from
Marathon
appeared
with
an
evening
paper
I
say
you
chaps
Middlesex
all
out
for
a
hundred
and
five
Under
Flacks
pressure
I
became
I
confess
a
cricket
humbug
of
the
first
class
I
applied
myself
industriously
year
by
year
to
mastering
scores
and
averages
I
pretended
that
Lords
or
the
Oval
were
the
places
nearest
Paradise
for
me
I
never
went
to
either
Through
a
slight
mistake
about
the
county
boundary
I
adopted
Surrey
for
my
loyalty
though
as
a
matter
of
fact
we
were
by
some
five
hundred
yards
or
so
in
Kent
It
did
quite
as
well
for
my
purposes
I
bowled
rather
straight
and
fast
and
spent
endless
hours
acquiring
the
skill
to
bowl
Flack
out
He
was
a
bat
in
the
Corinthian
style
rich
and
voluminous
and
succumbed
very
easily
to
a
low
shooter
or
an
unexpected
Yorker
hut
usually
he
was
caught
early
by
long
leg
The
difficulty
was
to
bowl
him
before
he
got
caught
He
loved
to
lift
a
ball
to
leg
After
one
had
clean
bowled
him
at
the
practice
nets
one
deliberately
gave
him
a
ball
to
leg
just
to
make
him
feel
nice
again
Flack
went
about
a
world
of
marvels
dreaming
of
leg
hits
He
has
been
observed
going
across
the
Park
on
his
way
to
his
highly
respectable
club
in
Piccadilly
to
break
from
profound
musings
into
a
strange
brief
dance
that
ended
with
an
imaginary
swipe
with
his
umbrella
a
roofer
over
the
trees
towards
Buckingham
Palace
The
hit
accomplished
Flack
resumed
his
way
Inadequately
instructed
foreigners
would
pass
him
in
terror
needlessly
alert
6
These
schoolmasters
move
through
my
memory
as
always
a
little
distant
and
more
than
a
little
incomprehensible
Except
when
they
wore
flannels
I
saw
them
almost
always
in
old
college
caps
and
gowns
a
uniform
which
greatly
increased
their
detachment
from
the
world
of
actual
men
Gates
the
head
was
a
lean
loose
limbed
man
rather
stupid
I
discovered
when
I
reached
the
Sixth
and
came
into
contact
with
him
but
honest
simple
and
very
eager
to
be
liberal
minded
He
was
bald
with
an
almost
conical
baldness
with
a
grizzled
pointed
beard
small
featured
and
under
the
stresses
of
a
Zeitgeist
that
demanded
liberality
with
an
expression
of
puzzled
but
resolute
resistance
to
his
own
unalterable
opinions
He
made
a
tall
dignified
figure
in
his
gown
In
my
junior
days
he
spoke
to
me
only
three
or
four
times
and
then
he
annoyed
me
by
giving
me
a
wrong
surname
it
was
a
sore
point
because
I
was
an
outsider
and
not
one
of
the
old
school
families
the
Shoesmiths
the
Naylors
the
Marklows
the
Tophams
the
Pevises
and
suchlike
who
came
generation
after
generation
I
recall
him
most
vividly
against
the
background
of
faded
brown
book
backs
in
the
old
library
in
which
we
less
destructive
seniors
were
trusted
to
work
with
the
light
from
the
stained
glass
window
falling
in
coloured
patches
on
his
face
It
gave
him
the
appearance
of
having
no
colour
of
his
own
He
had
a
habit
of
scratching
the
beard
on
his
cheek
as
he
talked
and
he
used
to
come
and
consult
us
about
things
and
invariably
do
as
we
said
That
in
his
phraseology
was
maintaining
the
traditions
of
the
school
He
had
indeed
an
effect
not
of
a
man
directing
a
school
but
of
a
man
captured
and
directed
by
a
school
Dead
and
gone
Elizabethans
had
begotten
a
monster
that
could
carry
him
about
in
its
mouth
Yet
being
a
man
as
I
say
with
his
hair
a
little
stirred
by
a
Zeitgeist
that
made
for
change
Gates
did
at
times
display
a
disposition
towards
developments
City
Merchants
had
no
modern
side
and
utilitarian
spirits
were
carping
in
the
PALL
MALL
GAZETTE
and
elsewhere
at
the
omissions
from
our
curriculum
and
particularly
at
our
want
of
German
Moreover
four
classes
still
worked
together
with
much
clashing
and
uproar
in
the
old
Big
Hall
that
had
once
held
in
a
common
tumult
the
entire
school
Gates
used
to
come
and
talk
to
us
older
fellows
about
these
things
I
dont
wish
to
innovate
unduly
he
used
to
say
But
we
ought
to
get
in
some
German
you
know
for
those
who
like
it
The
army
men
will
be
wanting
it
some
of
these
days
He
referred
to
the
organisation
of
regular
evening
preparation
for
the
lower
boys
in
Big
Hall
as
a
revolutionary
change
but
he
achieved
it
and
he
declared
he
began
the
replacement
of
the
hacked
wooden
tables
at
which
the
boys
had
worked
since
Tudor
days
by
sloping
desks
with
safety
inkpots
and
scientifically
adjustable
seats
with
grave
misgivings
And
though
he
never
birched
a
boy
in
his
life
and
was
I
am
convinced
morally
incapable
of
such
a
scuffle
he
retained
the
block
and
birch
in
the
school
through
all
his
term
of
office
and
spoke
at
the
Headmasters
Conference
in
temperate
approval
of
corporal
chastisement
comparing
it
dear
soul
to
the
power
of
the
sword
I
wish
I
could
in
some
measure
and
without
tediousness
convey
the
effect
of
his
discourses
to
General
Assembly
in
Big
Hall
But
that
is
like
trying
to
draw
the
obverse
and
reverse
of
a
sixpence
worn
to
complete
illegibility
His
tall
fine
figure
stood
high
on
the
days
his
thoughtful
tenor
filled
the
air
as
he
steered
his
hazardous
way
through
sentences
that
dragged
inconclusive
tails
and
dropped
redundant
prepositions
And
he
pleaded
ever
so
urgently
ever
so
finely
that
what
we
all
knew
for
Sin
was
sinful
and
on
the
whole
best
avoided
altogether
and
so
went
on
with
deepening
notes
and
even
with
short
arresting
gestures
of
the
right
arm
and
hand
to
stir
and
exhort
us
towards
goodness
towards
that
modern
unsectarian
goodness
goodness
in
general
and
nothing
in
particular
which
the
Zeitgeist
seemed
to
indicate
in
those
transitional
years
7
The
school
never
quite
got
hold
of
me
Partly
I
think
that
was
because
I
was
a
day
boy
and
so
freer
than
most
of
the
boys
partly
because
of
a
temperamental
disposition
to
see
things
in
my
own
way
and
have
my
private
dreams
partly
because
I
was
a
little
antagonised
by
the
family
traditions
that
ran
through
the
school
I
was
made
to
feel
at
first
that
I
was
a
rank
outsider
and
I
never
quite
forgot
it
I
suffered
very
little
bullying
and
I
never
had
a
fight
in
all
my
time
there
were
only
three
fights
but
I
followed
my
own
curiosities
I
was
already
a
very
keen
theologian
and
politician
before
I
was
fifteen
I
was
also
intensely
interested
in
modern
warfare
I
read
the
morning
papers
in
the
Reading
Room
during
the
midday
recess
never
missed
the
illustrated
weeklies
and
often
when
I
could
afford
it
I
bought
a
PALL
MALL
GAZETTE
on
my
way
home
I
do
not
think
that
I
was
very
exceptional
in
that
most
intelligent
boys
I
believe
want
naturally
to
be
men
and
are
keenly
interested
in
mens
affairs
There
is
not
the
universal
passion
for
a
magnified
puerility
among
them
it
is
customary
to
assume
I
was
indeed
a
voracious
reader
of
everything
but
boys
books
which
I
detested
and
fiction
I
read
histories
travel
popular
science
and
controversy
with
particular
zest
and
I
loved
maps
School
work
and
school
games
were
quite
subordinate
affairs
for
me
I
worked
well
and
made
a
passable
figure
at
games
and
I
do
not
think
I
was
abnormally
insensitive
to
the
fine
quality
of
our
school
to
the
charm
of
its
mediaeval
nucleus
its
Gothic
cloisters
its
scraps
of
Palladian
and
its
dignified
Georgian
extensions
the
contrast
of
the
old
quiet
that
in
spite
of
our
presence
pervaded
it
everywhere
with
the
rushing
and
impending
London
all
about
it
was
indeed
a
continual
pleasure
to
me
But
these
things
were
certainly
not
the
living
and
central
interests
of
my
life
I
had
to
conceal
my
wider
outlook
to
a
certain
extent
from
the
masters
even
more
than
from
the
boys
Indeed
I
only
let
myself
go
freely
with
one
boy
Britten
my
especial
chum
the
son
of
the
Agent
General
for
East
Australia
We
two
discovered
in
a
chance
conversation
A
PROPOS
of
a
map
in
the
library
that
we
were
both
of
us
curious
why
there
were
Malays
in
Madagascar
and
how
the
Mecca
pilgrims
came
from
the
East
Indies
before
steamships
were
available
Neither
of
us
had
suspected
that
there
was
any
one
at
all
in
the
school
who
knew
or
cared
a
rap
about
the
Indian
Ocean
except
as
water
on
the
way
to
India
But
Britten
had
come
up
through
the
Suez
Canal
and
his
ship
had
spoken
a
pilgrim
ship
on
the
way
It
gave
him
a
startling
quality
of
living
knowledge
From
these
pilgrims
we
got
to
a
comparative
treatment
of
religions
and
from
that
by
a
sudden
plunge
to
entirely
sceptical
and
disrespectful
confessions
concerning
Gates
last
outbreak
of
simple
piety
in
School
Assembly
We
became
congenial
intimates
from
that
hour
The
discovery
of
Britten
happened
to
me
when
we
were
both
in
the
Lower
Fifth
Previously
there
had
been
a
watertight
compartment
between
the
books
I
read
and
the
thoughts
they
begot
on
the
one
hand
and
human
intercourse
on
the
other
Now
I
really
began
my
higher
education
and
aired
and
examined
and
developed
in
conversation
the
doubts
the
ideas
the
interpretations
that
had
been
forming
in
my
mind
As
we
were
both
day
boys
with
a
good
deal
of
control
over
our
time
we
organised
walks
and
expeditions
together
and
my
habit
of
solitary
and
rather
vague
prowling
gave
way
to
much
more
definite
joint
enterprises
I
went
several
times
to
his
house
he
was
the
youngest
of
several
brothers
one
of
whom
was
a
medical
student
and
let
us
assist
at
the
dissection
of
a
cat
and
once
or
twice
in
vacation
time
he
came
to
Penge
and
we
went
with
parcels
of
provisions
to
do
a
thorough
day
in
the
grounds
and
galleries
of
the
Crystal
Palace
ending
with
the
fireworks
at
close
quarters
We
went
in
a
river
steamboat
down
to
Greenwich
and
fired
by
that
made
an
excursion
to
Margate
and
back
we
explored
London
docks
and
Bethnal
Green
Museum
Petticoat
Lane
and
all
sorts
of
out
of
the
way
places
together
We
confessed
shyly
to
one
another
a
common
secret
vice
Phantom
warfare
When
we
walked
alone
especially
in
the
country
we
had
both
developed
the
same
practice
of
fighting
an
imaginary
battle
about
us
as
we
walked
As
we
went
along
we
were
generals
and
our
attacks
pushed
along
on
either
side
crouching
and
gathering
behind
hedges
cresting
ridges
occupying
copses
rushing
open
spaces
fighting
from
house
to
house
The
hillsides
about
Penge
were
honeycombed
in
my
imagination
with
the
pits
and
trenches
I
had
created
to
cheek
a
victorious
invader
coming
out
of
Surrey
For
him
West
Kensington
was
chiefly
important
as
the
scene
of
a
desperate
and
successful
last
stand
of
insurrectionary
troops
who
had
seized
the
Navy
the
Bank
and
other
advantages
against
a
royalist
army
reinforced
by
Germans
advancing
for
reasons
best
known
to
themselves
by
way
of
Harrow
and
Ealing
It
is
a
secret
and
solitary
game
as
we
found
when
we
tried
to
play
it
together
We
made
a
success
of
that
only
once
All
the
way
down
to
Margate
we
schemed
defences
and
assailed
and
fought
them
as
we
came
back
against
the
sunset
Afterwards
we
recapitulated
all
that
conflict
by
means
of
a
large
scale
map
of
the
Thames
and
little
paper
ironclads
in
plan
cut
out
of
paper
A
subsequent
revival
of
these
imaginings
was
brought
about
by
Brittens
luck
in
getting
through
a
friend
of
his
fathers
admission
for
us
both
to
the
spectacle
of
volunteer
officers
fighting
the
war
game
in
Caxton
Hall
We
developed
a
war
game
of
our
own
at
Brittens
home
with
nearly
a
couple
of
hundred
lead
soldiers
some
excellent
spring
cannons
that
shot
hard
and
true
at
six
yards
hills
of
books
and
a
constantly
elaborated
set
of
rules
For
some
months
that
occupied
an
immense
proportion
of
our
leisure
Some
of
our
battles
lasted
several
days
We
kept
the
game
a
profound
secret
from
the
other
fellows
They
would
not
have
understood
And
we
also
began
it
was
certainly
before
we
were
sixteen
to
write
for
the
sake
of
writing
We
liked
writing
We
had
discovered
Lamb
and
the
best
of
the
middle
articles
in
such
weeklies
as
the
SATURDAY
GAZETTE
and
we
imitated
them
Our
minds
were
full
of
dim
uncertain
things
we
wanted
to
drag
out
into
the
light
of
expression
Britten
had
got
hold
of
IN
MEMORIAM
and
I
had
disinterred
Popes
ESSAY
ON
MAN
and
RABBI
BEN
EZRA
and
these
things
had
set
our
theological
and
cosmic
solicitudes
talking
I
was
somewhere
between
sixteen
and
eighteen
I
know
when
he
and
I
walked
along
the
Thames
Embankment
confessing
shamefully
to
one
another
that
we
had
never
read
Lucretius
We
thought
every
one
who
mattered
had
read
Lucretius
When
I
was
nearly
sixteen
my
mother
was
taken
ill
very
suddenly
and
died
of
some
perplexing
complaint
that
involved
a
post
mortem
examination
it
was
I
think
the
trouble
that
has
since
those
days
been
recognised
as
appendicitis
This
led
to
a
considerable
change
in
my
circumstances
the
house
at
Penge
was
given
up
and
my
Staffordshire
uncle
arranged
for
me
to
lodge
during
school
terms
with
a
needy
solicitor
and
his
wife
in
Vicars
Street
S
W
about
a
mile
and
a
half
from
the
school
So
it
was
I
came
right
into
London
I
had
almost
two
years
of
London
before
I
went
to
Cambridge
Tehose
were
our
great
days
together
Afterwards
we
were
torn
apart
Britten
went
to
Oxford
and
our
circumstances
never
afterwards
threw
us
continuously
together
until
the
days
of
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
As
boys
we
walked
together
read
and
discussed
the
same
books
pursued
the
same
enquiries
We
got
a
reputation
as
inseparables
and
the
nickname
of
the
Rose
and
the
Lily
for
Britten
was
short
and
thick
set
with
dark
close
curling
hair
and
a
ruddy
Irish
type
of
face
I
was
lean
and
fair
haired
and
some
inches
taller
than
he
Our
talk
ranged
widely
and
yet
had
certain
very
definite
limitations
We
were
amazingly
free
with
politics
and
religion
we
went
to
that
little
meeting
house
of
William
Morriss
at
Hammersmith
and
worked
out
the
principles
of
Socialism
pretty
thoroughly
and
we
got
up
the
Darwinian
theory
with
the
help
of
Brittens
medical
student
brother
and
the
galleries
of
the
Natural
History
Museum
in
Cromwell
Road
Those
wonderful
cases
on
the
ground
floor
illustrating
mimicry
dimorphism
and
so
forth
were
new
in
our
times
and
we
went
through
them
with
earnest
industry
and
tried
over
our
Darwinism
in
the
light
of
that
Such
topics
we
did
exhaustively
But
on
the
other
hand
I
do
not
remember
any
discussion
whatever
of
human
sex
or
sexual
relationships
There
in
spite
of
intense
secret
curiosities
our
lips
were
sealed
by
a
peculiar
shyness
And
I
do
not
believe
we
ever
had
occasion
either
of
us
to
use
the
word
love
It
was
not
only
that
we
were
instinctively
shy
of
the
subject
but
that
we
were
mightily
ashamed
of
the
extent
of
our
ignorance
and
uncertainty
in
these
matters
We
evaded
them
elaborately
with
an
assumption
of
exhaustive
knowledge
We
certainly
had
no
shyness
about
theology
We
marked
the
emancipation
of
our
spirits
from
the
frightful
teachings
that
had
oppressed
our
boyhood
by
much
indulgence
in
blasphemous
wit
We
had
a
secret
literature
of
irreverent
rhymes
and
a
secret
art
of
theological
caricature
Brittens
father
had
delighted
his
family
by
reading
aloud
from
Dr
Richard
Garnetts
TWILIGHT
OF
THE
GODS
and
Britten
conveyed
the
precious
volume
to
me
That
and
the
BAB
BALLADS
were
the
inspiration
of
some
of
our
earliest
lucubrations
For
an
imaginative
boy
the
first
experience
of
writing
is
like
a
tigers
first
taste
of
blood
and
our
literary
flowerings
led
very
directly
to
the
revival
of
the
school
magazine
which
had
been
comatose
for
some
years
But
there
we
came
upon
a
disappointment
8
In
that
revival
we
associated
certain
other
of
the
Sixth
Form
boys
and
notably
one
for
whom
our
enterprise
was
to
lay
the
foundations
of
a
career
that
has
ended
in
the
House
of
Lords
Arthur
Cossington
now
Lord
Paddockhurst
Cossington
was
at
that
time
a
rather
heavy
rather
good
looking
boy
who
was
chiefly
eminent
in
cricket
an
outsider
even
as
we
were
and
preoccupied
no
doubt
had
we
been
sufficiently
detached
to
observe
him
with
private
imaginings
very
much
of
the
same
quality
and
spirit
as
our
own
He
was
we
were
inclined
to
think
rather
a
sentimentalist
rather
a
poseur
he
affected
a
concise
emphatic
styl
played
chess
very
well
betrayed
a
belief
in
will
power
and
earned
Brittens
secret
hostility
Britten
being
a
sloven
by
the
invariable
neatness
of
his
collars
and
ties
He
came
into
our
magazine
with
a
vigour
that
we
found
extremely
surprising
and
unwelcome
Britten
and
I
had
wanted
to
write
We
had
indeed
figured
our
project
modestly
as
a
manuscript
magazine
of
satirical
liberal
and
brilliant
literature
by
which
in
some
rather
inexplicable
way
the
vague
tumult
of
ideas
that
teemed
within
us
was
to
find
form
and
expression
Cossington
it
was
manifest
from
the
outset
wanted
neither
to
write
nor
writing
but
a
magazine
I
remember
the
inaugural
meeting
in
Shoesmith
majors
study
we
had
had
great
trouble
in
getting
it
together
and
how
effectually
Cossington
bolted
with
the
proposal
I
think
we
fellows
ought
to
run
a
magazine
said
Cossington
The
school
used
to
have
one
A
school
like
this
ought
to
have
a
magazine
The
last
one
died
in
84
said
Shoesmith
from
the
hearthrug
Called
the
OBSERVER
Rot
rather
Bad
title
said
Cossington
There
was
a
TATLER
before
that
said
Britten
sitting
on
the
writing
table
at
the
window
that
was
closed
to
deaden
the
cries
of
the
Lower
School
at
play
and
clashing
his
boots
together
We
want
something
suggestive
of
City
Merchants
CITY
MERCHANDIZE
said
Britten
Too
fanciful
What
of
ARVONIAN
Richard
Arvon
was
our
founder
and
it
seems
almost
a
duty
They
call
them
all
usians
or
onians
said
Britten
I
like
CITY
MERCHANDIZE
I
said
We
could
probably
find
a
quotation
to
suggest
oh
mixed
good
things
Cossington
regarded
me
abstractedly
Dont
want
to
put
the
accent
on
the
City
do
we
said
Shoesmith
who
had
a
feeling
for
county
families
and
Naylor
supported
him
by
a
murmur
of
approval
We
ought
to
call
it
the
ARVONIAN
decided
Cossington
and
we
might
very
well
have
underneath
With
which
is
incorporated
the
OBSERVER
That
picks
up
the
old
traditions
makes
an
appeal
to
old
boys
and
all
that
and
it
gives
us
something
to
print
under
the
title
I
still
held
out
for
CITY
MERCHANDIZE
which
had
taken
my
fancy
Some
of
the
chaps
people
wont
like
it
said
Naylor
certain
not
to
And
it
sounds
Rum
Sounds
Weird
said
a
boy
who
had
not
hitherto
spoken
We
arent
going
to
do
anything
Queer
said
Shoesmith
pointedly
not
looking
at
Britten
The
question
of
the
title
had
manifestly
gone
against
us
Oh
HAVE
it
ARVONIAN
I
said
And
next
what
size
shall
we
have
said
Cossington
Something
like
MACMILLANS
MAGAZINE
or
LONGMANS
LONGMANS
is
better
because
it
has
a
whole
page
not
columns
It
makes
no
end
of
difference
to
ones
effects
What
effects
asked
Shoesmith
abruptly
Oh
a
pause
or
a
white
line
or
anything
Youve
got
to
write
closer
for
a
double
column
Its
nuggetty
You
cant
get
a
swing
on
your
prose
I
had
discussed
this
thoroughly
with
Britten
If
the
fellows
are
going
to
write
began
Britten
We
ought
to
keep
off
fine
writing
said
Shoesmith
Its
cheek
I
vote
we
dont
have
any
We
shant
get
any
said
Cossington
and
then
as
an
olive
branch
to
me
unless
Remington
does
a
bit
Or
Britten
But
its
no
good
making
too
much
space
for
it
We
ought
to
be
very
careful
about
the
writing
said
Shoesmith
We
dont
want
to
give
ourselves
away
I
vote
we
ask
old
Topham
to
see
us
through
said
Naylor
Britten
groaned
aloud
and
every
one
regarded
him
Greek
epigrams
on
the
fellows
names
he
said
Small
beer
in
ancient
bottles
Lets
get
a
stuffed
broody
hen
to
SIT
on
the
magazine
We
might
do
worse
than
a
Greek
epigram
said
Cossington
One
in
each
number
It
it
impresses
parents
and
keeps
up
our
classieal
tradition
And
the
masters
CAN
help
We
dont
want
to
antagonise
them
Of
course
weve
got
to
dcpartmentalise
Writing
is
only
one
section
of
the
thing
The
ARVONIAN
has
to
stand
for
the
school
Theres
questions
of
space
and
questions
of
expense
We
cant
turn
out
a
great
chunk
of
printed
prose
like
like
wet
cold
toast
and
call
it
a
magazine
Britten
writhed
appreciating
the
image
Theres
to
be
a
section
of
sports
YOU
must
do
that
Im
not
going
to
do
any
fine
writing
said
Shoesmith
What
youve
got
to
do
is
just
to
list
all
the
chaps
and
put
a
note
to
their
play
Naylor
minor
must
pass
more
Football
isnt
the
place
for
extreme
individualism
Ammersham
shapes
well
as
half
back
Things
like
that
I
could
do
that
all
right
said
Shoesmith
brightening
and
manifestly
hecoming
pregnant
with
judgments
One
great
thing
about
a
magazine
of
this
sort
said
Cossington
is
to
mention
just
as
many
names
as
you
can
in
each
number
It
keeps
the
interest
alive
Chaps
will
turn
it
over
looking
for
their
own
little
bit
Then
it
all
lights
up
for
them
Do
you
want
any
reports
of
matches
Shoesmith
broke
from
his
meditation
Rather
With
comments
Naylor
surpassed
himself
and
negotiated
the
lemon
safely
home
said
Shoesmith
Shut
it
said
Naylor
modestly
Exactly
said
Cossington
That
gives
us
three
features
touching
them
off
on
his
fingers
Epigram
Literary
Section
Sports
Then
we
want
a
section
to
shove
anything
into
a
joke
a
notice
of
anything
thats
going
on
So
on
Our
Note
Book
Oh
Hell
said
Britten
and
clashed
his
boots
to
the
silent
disapproval
of
every
one
Then
we
want
an
editorial
A
WHAT
cried
Britten
with
a
note
of
real
terror
in
his
voice
Well
dont
we
Unless
we
have
our
Note
Book
to
begin
on
the
front
page
It
gives
a
scrappy
effect
to
do
that
We
want
something
manly
and
straightforward
and
a
bit
thoughtful
about
Patriotism
say
or
ESPRIT
DE
CORPS
or
After
Life
I
looked
at
Britten
Hitherto
we
had
not
considered
Cossington
mattered
very
much
in
the
world
He
went
over
us
as
a
motor
car
goes
over
a
dog
There
was
a
sort
of
energy
about
him
a
new
sort
of
energy
to
us
we
had
never
realised
that
anything
of
the
sort
existed
in
the
world
We
were
hopelessly
at
a
disadvantage
Almost
instantly
we
had
developed
a
clear
and
detailed
vision
of
a
magazine
made
up
of
everything
that
was
most
acceptable
in
the
magazines
that
flourished
in
the
adult
world
about
us
and
had
determined
to
make
it
a
success
He
had
by
a
kind
of
instinct
as
it
were
synthetically
plagiarised
every
successful
magazine
and
breathed
into
this
dusty
mixture
the
breath
of
life
He
was
elected
at
his
own
suggestion
managing
director
with
the
earnest
support
of
Shoesmith
and
Naylor
and
conducted
the
magazine
so
successfully
and
brilliantly
that
he
even
got
a
whole
back
page
of
advertisements
from
the
big
sports
shop
in
Holborn
and
made
the
printers
pay
at
the
same
rate
for
a
notice
of
certain
books
of
their
own
which
they
said
they
had
inserted
by
inadvertency
to
fill
up
space
The
only
literary
contribution
in
the
first
number
was
a
column
by
Topham
in
faultless
stereotyped
English
in
depreciation
of
some
fancied
evil
called
Utilitarian
Studies
and
ending
with
that
noble
old
quotation
To
the
glory
that
was
Greece
and
the
grandeur
that
was
Rome
And
Flack
crowded
us
out
of
number
two
with
a
bright
little
paper
on
the
Humours
of
Cricket
and
the
Head
himself
was
profusely
thoughtful
all
over
the
editorial
under
the
heading
of
The
School
Chapel
and
How
it
Seems
to
an
Old
Boy
Britten
and
I
found
it
difficult
to
express
to
each
other
with
any
grace
or
precision
what
we
felt
about
that
magazine
CHAPTER
THE
FOURTH
ADOLESCENCE
1
I
find
it
very
difficult
to
trace
how
form
was
added
to
form
and
interpretation
followed
interpretation
in
my
ever
spreading
ever
deepening
ever
multiplying
and
enriching
vision
of
this
world
into
which
I
had
been
born
Every
day
added
its
impressions
its
hints
its
subtle
explications
to
the
growing
understanding
Day
after
day
the
living
interlacing
threads
of
a
mind
weave
together
Every
morning
now
for
three
weeks
and
more
for
to
day
is
Thursday
and
I
started
on
a
Tuesday
I
have
been
trying
to
convey
some
idea
of
the
factors
and
early
influences
by
which
my
particular
scrap
of
subjective
tapestry
was
shaped
to
show
the
child
playing
on
the
nursery
floor
the
son
perplexed
by
his
mother
gazing
aghast
at
his
dead
father
exploring
interminable
suburbs
touched
by
first
intimations
of
the
sexual
mystery
coming
in
with
a
sort
of
confused
avidity
towards
the
centres
of
the
life
of
London
It
is
only
by
such
an
effort
to
write
it
down
that
one
realises
how
marvellously
crowded
how
marvellously
analytical
and
synthetic
those
ears
must
be
One
begins
with
the
little
child
to
whom
the
sky
is
a
roof
of
blue
the
world
a
screen
of
opaque
and
disconnected
facts
the
home
a
thing
eternal
and
being
good
just
simple
obedience
to
unquestioned
authority
and
one
comes
at
last
to
the
vast
world
of
ones
adult
perception
pierced
deep
by
flaring
searchlights
of
partial
understanding
here
masked
by
mists
here
refracted
and
distorted
through
half
translucent
veils
here
showing
broad
prospects
and
limitless
vistas
and
here
impenetrably
dark
I
recall
phases
of
deep
speculation
doubts
and
even
prayers
by
night
and
strange
occasions
when
by
a
sort
of
hypnotic
contemplation
of
nothingness
I
sought
to
pierce
the
web
of
appearances
about
me
It
is
hard
to
measure
these
things
in
receding
perspective
and
now
I
cannot
trace
so
closely
has
mood
succeeded
and
overlaid
and
obliterated
mood
the
phases
by
which
an
utter
horror
of
death
was
replaced
by
the
growing
realisation
of
its
necessity
and
dignity
Difficulty
of
the
imagination
with
infinite
space
infinite
time
entangled
my
mind
and
moral
distress
for
the
pain
and
suffering
of
bygone
ages
that
made
all
thought
of
reformation
in
the
future
seem
but
the
grimmest
irony
upon
now
irreparable
wrongs
Many
an
intricate
perplexity
of
these
broadening
years
did
not
so
much
get
settled
as
cease
to
matter
Life
crowded
me
away
from
it
I
have
confessed
myself
a
temerarious
theologian
and
in
that
passage
from
boyhood
to
manhood
I
ranged
widely
in
my
search
for
some
permanently
satisfying
Truth
That
too
ceased
after
a
time
to
be
urgently
interesting
I
came
at
last
into
a
phase
that
endures
to
this
day
of
absolute
tranquillity
of
absolute
confidence
in
whatever
that
Incomprehensible
Comprehensive
which
must
needs
be
the
substratum
of
all
things
may
be
Feeling
OF
IT
feeling
BY
IT
I
cannot
feel
afraid
of
it
I
think
I
had
got
quite
clearly
and
finally
to
that
adjustment
long
before
my
Cambridge
days
were
done
I
am
sure
that
the
evil
in
life
is
transitory
and
finite
like
an
accident
or
distress
in
the
nursery
that
God
is
my
Father
and
that
I
may
trust
Him
even
though
life
hurts
so
that
one
must
needs
cry
out
at
it
even
though
it
shows
no
consequence
but
failure
no
promise
but
pain
But
while
I
was
fearless
of
theology
I
must
confess
it
was
comparatively
late
before
I
faced
and
dared
to
probe
the
secrecies
of
sex
I
was
afraid
of
sex
I
had
an
instinctive
perception
that
it
would
be
a
large
and
difficult
thing
in
my
life
but
my
early
training
was
all
in
the
direction
of
regarding
it
as
an
irrelevant
thing
as
something
disconnected
from
all
the
broad
significances
of
life
as
hostile
and
disgraceful
in
its
quality
The
world
was
never
so
emasculated
in
thought
I
suppose
as
it
was
in
the
Victorian
time
I
was
afraid
to
think
either
of
sex
or
what
I
have
always
found
inseparable
from
a
kind
of
sexual
emotion
beauty
Even
as
a
boy
I
knew
the
thing
as
a
haunting
and
alluring
mystery
that
I
tried
to
keep
away
from
Its
dim
presence
obsessed
me
none
the
less
for
all
the
extravagant
decency
the
stimulating
silences
of
my
upbringing
The
plaster
Venuses
and
Apollos
that
used
to
adorn
the
vast
aisle
and
huge
grey
terraces
of
the
Crystal
Palace
were
the
first
intimations
of
the
beauty
of
the
body
that
ever
came
into
my
life
As
I
write
of
it
I
feel
again
the
shameful
attraction
of
those
gracious
forms
I
used
to
look
at
them
not
simply
but
curiously
and
askance
Once
at
least
in
my
later
days
at
Penge
I
spent
a
shilling
in
admission
chiefly
for
the
sake
of
them
The
strangest
thing
of
all
my
odd
and
solitary
upbringing
seems
to
me
now
that
swathing
up
of
all
the
splendours
of
the
flesh
that
strange
combination
of
fanatical
terrorism
and
shyness
that
fenced
me
about
with
prohibitions
It
caused
me
to
grow
up
I
will
not
say
blankly
ignorant
but
with
an
ignorance
blurred
and
dishonoured
by
shame
by
enigmatical
warnings
by
cultivated
aversions
an
ignorance
in
which
a
fascinated
curiosity
and
desire
struggled
like
a
thing
in
a
net
I
knew
so
little
and
I
felt
so
much
There
was
indeed
no
Aphrodite
at
all
in
my
youthful
Pantheon
but
instead
there
was
a
mysterious
and
minatory
gap
I
have
told
how
at
last
a
new
Venus
was
born
in
my
imagination
out
of
gas
lamps
and
the
twilight
a
Venus
with
a
cockney
accent
and
dark
eyes
shining
out
of
the
dusk
a
Venus
who
was
a
warm
passion
stirring
atmosphere
rather
than
incarnate
in
a
body
And
I
have
told
too
how
I
bought
a
picture
All
this
was
a
thing
apart
from
the
rest
of
my
life
a
locked
avoided
chamber
It
was
not
until
my
last
year
at
Trinity
that
I
really
broke
down
the
barriers
of
this
unwholesome
silence
and
brought
my
secret
broodings
to
the
light
of
day
Then
a
little
set
of
us
plunged
suddenly
into
what
we
called
at
first
sociological
discussion
I
can
still
recall
even
the
physical
feeling
of
those
first
tentative
talks
I
remember
them
mostly
as
occurring
in
the
rooms
of
Ted
Hatherleigh
who
kept
at
the
corner
by
the
Trinity
great
gate
but
we
also
used
to
talk
a
good
deal
at
a
mans
in
Kings
a
man
named
if
I
remember
rightly
Redmayne
The
atmosphere
of
Hatherleighs
rooms
was
a
haze
of
tobacco
smoke
against
a
background
brown
and
deep
He
professed
himself
a
socialist
with
anarchistic
leanings
he
had
suffered
the
martyrdom
of
ducking
for
it
and
a
huge
French
May
day
poster
displaying
a
splendid
proletarian
in
red
and
black
on
a
barricade
against
a
flaring
orange
sky
dominated
his
decorations
Hatherleigh
affected
a
fine
untidiness
and
all
the
place
even
the
floor
was
littered
with
books
for
the
most
part
open
and
face
downward
deeper
darknesses
were
supplied
by
a
discarded
gown
and
our
caps
all
conscientiously
battered
Hatherleighs
flopped
like
an
elephants
ear
and
inserted
quill
pens
supported
the
corners
of
mine
the
highlights
of
the
picture
came
chiefly
as
reflections
from
his
chequered
blue
mugs
full
of
audit
ale
We
sat
on
oak
chairs
except
the
four
or
five
who
crowded
on
a
capacious
settle
we
drank
a
lot
of
beer
and
were
often
fuddled
and
occasionally
quite
drunk
and
we
all
smoked
reckless
looking
pipes
there
was
a
transient
fashion
among
us
for
corn
cobs
for
which
Mark
Twain
I
think
was
responsible
Our
little
excesses
with
liquor
were
due
far
more
to
conscience
than
appetite
indicated
chiefly
a
resolve
to
break
away
from
restraints
that
we
suspected
were
keeping
us
off
the
instructive
knife
edges
of
life
Hatherleigh
was
a
good
Englishman
of
the
premature
type
with
a
red
face
a
lot
of
hair
a
deep
voice
and
an
explosive
plunging
manner
and
it
was
he
who
said
one
evening
Heaven
knows
how
we
got
to
it
Look
here
you
know
its
all
Rot
this
Shutting
Up
about
Women
We
OUGHT
to
talk
about
them
What
are
we
going
to
do
about
them
Its
got
to
come
Were
all
festering
inside
about
it
Lets
out
with
it
Theres
too
much
Decency
altogether
about
this
Infernal
University
We
rose
to
his
challenge
a
little
awkwardly
and
our
first
talk
was
clumsy
there
were
flushed
faces
and
red
ears
and
I
remember
Hatherleigh
broke
out
into
a
monologue
on
decency
Modesty
and
Decency
said
Hatherleigh
are
Oriental
vices
The
Jews
brought
them
to
Europe
Theyre
Semitic
just
like
our
monasticism
here
and
the
seclusion
of
women
and
mutilating
the
dead
on
a
battlefield
And
all
that
sort
of
thing
Hatherleighs
mind
progressed
by
huge
leaps
leaps
that
were
usually
wildly
inaccurate
and
for
a
time
we
engaged
hotly
upon
the
topic
of
those
alleged
mutilations
and
the
Semitic
responsibility
for
decency
Hatherleigh
tried
hard
to
saddle
the
Semitic
race
with
the
less
elegant
war
customs
of
the
Soudan
and
the
northwest
frontier
of
India
and
quoted
Doughty
at
that
time
a
little
known
author
and
Cunninghame
Graham
to
show
that
the
Arab
was
worse
than
a
county
town
spinster
in
his
regard
for
respectability
But
his
case
was
too
preposterous
and
Esmeer
with
his
shrill
penetrating
voice
and
his
way
of
pointing
with
all
four
long
fingers
flat
together
carried
the
point
against
him
He
quoted
Cato
and
Roman
law
and
the
monasteries
of
Thibet
Well
anyway
said
Hatherleigh
escaping
from
our
hands
like
an
intellectual
frog
Semitic
or
not
Ive
got
no
use
for
decency
We
argued
points
and
Hatherleigh
professed
an
unusually
balanced
and
tolerating
attitude
I
dont
mind
a
certain
refinement
and
dignity
he
admitted
generously
What
I
object
to
is
this
spreading
out
of
decency
until
it
darkens
the
whole
sky
until
it
makes
a
mans
father
afraid
to
speak
of
the
most
important
things
until
it
makes
a
man
afraid
to
look
a
frank
book
in
the
face
or
think
even
think
until
it
leads
to
our
coming
to
to
the
business
at
last
with
nothing
but
a
few
prohibitions
a
few
hints
a
lot
of
dirty
jokes
and
and
he
waved
a
hand
and
seemed
to
seek
and
catch
his
image
in
the
air
oh
a
confounded
buttered
slide
of
sentiment
to
guide
us
I
tell
you
Im
going
to
think
about
it
and
talk
about
it
until
I
see
a
little
more
daylight
than
I
do
at
present
Im
twenty
two
Things
might
happen
to
me
anywhen
You
men
can
go
out
into
the
world
if
you
like
to
sin
like
fools
and
marry
like
fools
not
knowing
what
you
are
doing
and
ashamed
to
ask
Youll
take
the
consequences
too
I
expect
pretty
meekly
sniggering
a
bit
sentimentalising
a
bit
like
like
Cambridge
humorists
I
mean
to
know
what
Im
doing
He
paused
to
drink
and
I
think
I
cut
in
with
ideas
of
my
own
But
one
is
apt
to
forget
ones
own
share
in
a
talk
I
find
more
than
one
does
the
clear
cut
objectivity
of
other
peoples
and
I
do
not
know
how
far
I
contributed
to
this
discussion
that
followed
I
am
however
pretty
certain
that
it
was
then
that
ideal
that
we
were
pleased
to
call
aristocracy
and
which
soon
became
the
common
property
of
our
set
was
developed
It
was
Esmeer
I
know
who
laid
down
and
maintained
the
proposition
that
so
far
as
minds
went
there
were
really
only
two
sorts
of
man
in
the
world
the
aristocrat
and
the
man
who
subdues
his
mind
to
other
peoples
I
couldnt
THINK
of
it
Sir
said
Esmeer
in
his
elucidatory
tones
thats
what
a
servant
says
His
mind
even
is
broken
in
to
run
between
fences
and
he
admits
it
WEVE
got
to
he
able
to
think
of
anything
And
such
things
arent
for
the
Likes
of
Us
Thats
another
servants
saying
Well
everything
IS
for
the
Likes
of
Us
If
we
see
fit
that
is
A
small
fresh
coloured
man
in
grey
objected
Well
exploded
Hatherleigh
if
that
isnt
so
what
the
deuce
are
we
up
here
for
Instead
of
working
in
mines
If
some
things
arent
to
be
thought
about
ever
Weve
got
the
privilege
of
all
these
extra
years
for
getting
things
straight
in
our
heads
and
then
we
wont
use
em
Good
God
what
do
you
think
a
universitys
for
Esmeers
idea
came
with
an
effect
of
real
emancipation
to
several
of
us
We
were
not
going
to
be
afraid
of
ideas
any
longer
we
were
going
to
throw
down
every
barrier
of
prohibition
and
take
them
in
and
see
what
came
of
it
We
became
for
a
time
even
intemperately
experimental
and
one
of
us
at
the
bare
suggestion
of
an
eminent
psychic
investigator
took
hashish
and
very
nearly
died
of
it
within
a
fortnight
of
our
great
elucidation
The
chief
matter
of
our
interchanges
was
of
course
the
discussion
of
sex
Once
the
theme
had
been
opened
it
became
a
sore
place
in
our
intercourse
none
of
us
seemed
able
to
keep
away
from
it
Our
imaginations
got
astir
with
it
We
made
up
for
lost
time
and
went
round
it
and
through
it
and
over
it
exhaustively
I
recall
prolonged
discussion
of
polygamy
on
the
way
to
Royston
muddy
November
tramps
to
Madingley
when
amidst
much
profanity
from
Hatherleigh
at
the
serious
treatment
of
so
obsolete
a
matter
we
weighed
the
reasons
if
any
for
the
institution
of
marriage
The
fine
dim
night
time
spaces
of
the
Great
Court
are
bound
up
with
the
inconclusive
finales
of
mighty
hot
eared
wrangles
the
narrows
of
Trinity
Street
and
Petty
Cury
and
Market
Hill
have
their
particular
associations
for
me
with
that
spate
of
confession
and
free
speech
that
almost
painful
goal
delivery
of
long
pent
and
crappled
and
sometimes
crippled
ideas
And
we
went
on
a
reading
party
that
Easter
to
a
place
called
Pulborough
in
Sussex
where
there
is
a
fishing
inn
and
a
river
that
goes
under
a
bridge
It
was
a
late
Easter
and
a
blazing
one
and
we
boated
and
bathed
and
talked
of
being
Hellenic
and
the
beauty
of
the
body
until
at
moments
it
seemed
to
us
that
we
were
destined
to
restore
the
Golden
Age
by
the
simple
abolition
of
tailors
and
outfitters
Those
undergraduate
talks
how
rich
and
glorious
they
seemed
how
splendidly
new
the
ideas
that
grew
and
multiplied
in
our
seething
minds
We
made
long
afternoon
and
evening
raids
over
the
Downs
towards
Arundel
and
would
come
tramping
back
through
the
still
keen
moonlight
singing
and
shouting
We
formed
romantic
friendships
with
one
another
and
grieved
more
or
less
convincingly
that
there
were
no
splendid
women
fit
to
be
our
companions
in
the
world
But
Hatherleigh
it
seemed
had
once
known
a
girl
whose
hair
was
gloriously
red
My
God
said
Hatherleigh
to
convey
the
quality
of
her
just
simply
and
with
projectile
violence
My
God
Benton
had
heard
of
a
woman
who
lived
with
a
man
refusing
to
be
married
to
him
we
thought
that
splendid
beyond
measure
I
cannot
now
imagine
why
She
was
like
a
tender
goddess
Benton
said
A
sort
of
shame
came
upon
us
in
the
dark
in
spite
of
our
liberal
intentions
when
Benton
committed
himself
to
that
And
after
such
talk
we
would
fall
upon
great
pauses
of
emotional
dreaming
and
if
by
chance
we
passed
a
girl
in
a
governess
cart
or
some
farmers
daughter
walking
to
the
station
we
became
alertly
silent
or
obstreperously
indifferent
to
her
For
might
she
not
be
just
that
one
exception
to
the
banal
decency
the
sickly
pointless
conventionality
the
sham
modesty
of
the
times
in
which
we
lived
We
felt
we
stood
for
a
new
movement
not
realising
how
perennially
this
same
emancipation
returns
to
those
ancient
courts
beside
the
Cam
We
were
the
anti
decency
party
we
discovered
a
catch
phrase
that
we
flourished
about
in
the
Union
and
made
our
watchword
namely
stark
fact
We
hung
nude
pictures
in
our
rooms
much
as
if
they
had
been
flags
to
the
earnest
concern
of
our
bedders
and
I
disinterred
my
long
kept
engraving
and
had
it
framed
in
fumed
oak
and
found
for
it
a
completer
and
less
restrained
companion
a
companion
I
never
cared
for
in
the
slightest
degree
This
efflorescence
did
not
prevent
I
think
indeed
it
rather
helped
our
more
formal
university
work
for
most
of
us
took
firsts
and
three
of
us
got
Fellowships
in
one
year
or
another
There
was
Benton
who
had
a
Research
Fellowship
and
went
to
Tubingen
there
was
Esmeer
and
myself
who
both
became
Residential
Fellows
I
had
taken
the
Mental
and
Moral
Science
Tripos
as
it
was
then
and
three
years
later
I
got
a
lectureship
in
political
science
In
those
days
it
was
disguised
in
the
cloak
of
Political
Economy
2
It
was
our
affectation
to
be
a
little
detached
from
the
main
stream
of
undergraduate
life
We
worked
pretty
hard
but
by
virtue
of
our
beer
our
socialism
and
suchlike
heterodoxy
held
ourselves
to
be
differentiated
from
the
swatting
reading
man
None
of
us
except
Baxter
who
was
a
rowing
blue
a
rather
abnormal
blue
with
an
appetite
for
ideas
took
games
seriously
enough
to
train
and
on
the
other
hand
we
intimated
contempt
for
the
rather
mediocre
deliberately
humorous
consciously
gentlemanly
and
consciously
wild
undergraduate
men
who
made
up
the
mass
of
Cambridge
life
After
the
manner
of
youth
we
were
altogether
too
hard
on
our
contemporaries
We
battered
our
caps
and
tore
our
gowns
lest
they
should
seem
new
and
we
despised
these
others
extremely
for
doing
exactly
the
same
things
we
had
an
idea
of
ourselves
and
resented
beyond
measure
a
similar
weakness
in
these
our
brothers
There
was
a
type
or
at
least
there
seemed
to
us
to
be
a
type
Im
a
little
doubtful
at
times
now
whether
after
all
we
didnt
create
it
for
which
Hatherleigh
invented
the
nickname
the
Pinky
Dinkys
intending
thereby
both
contempt
and
abhorrence
in
almost
equal
measure
The
Pinky
Dinky
summarised
all
that
we
particularly
did
not
want
to
be
and
also
I
now
perceive
much
of
what
we
were
and
all
that
we
secretly
dreaded
becoming
But
it
is
hard
to
convey
the
Pinky
Dinky
idea
for
all
that
it
meant
so
much
to
us
We
spent
one
evening
at
least
during
that
reading
party
upon
the
Pinky
Dinky
we
sat
about
our
one
fire
after
a
walk
in
the
rain
it
was
our
only
wet
day
smoked
our
excessively
virile
pipes
and
elaborated
the
natural
history
of
the
Pinky
Dinky
We
improvised
a
sort
of
Pinky
Dinky
litany
and
Hatherleigh
supplied
deep
notes
for
the
responses
The
Pinky
Dinky
extracts
a
good
deal
of
amusement
from
life
said
some
one
Damned
prig
said
Hatherleigh
The
Pinky
Dinky
arises
in
the
Union
and
treats
the
question
with
a
light
gay
touch
He
makes
the
weird
ones
mad
But
sometimes
he
cannot
go
on
because
of
the
amusement
he
extracts
I
want
to
shy
books
at
the
giggling
swine
said
Hatherleigh
The
Pinky
Dinky
says
suddenly
while
he
is
making
the
tea
Were
all
being
frightfully
funny
Its
time
for
you
to
say
something
now
The
Pinky
Dinky
shakes
his
head
and
says
Im
afraid
I
shall
never
be
a
responsible
being
And
he
really
IS
frivolous
Frivolous
but
not
vulgar
said
Esmeer
Pinky
Dinkys
are
chaps
whove
had
their
buds
nipped
said
Hatherleigh
Theyre
Plebs
and
they
know
it
They
havent
the
Guts
to
get
hold
of
things
And
so
they
worry
up
all
those
silly
little
jokes
of
theirs
to
carry
it
off
We
tried
bad
ones
for
a
time
viciously
flavoured
Pinky
Dinkys
are
due
to
over
production
of
the
type
that
ought
to
keep
outfitters
shops
Pinky
Dinkys
would
like
to
keep
outfitters
shops
with
whimsy
scriptions
on
the
boxes
and
make
your
bill
out
funny
and
not
be
snobs
to
customers
no
not
even
if
they
had
titles
Every
Pinky
Dinkys
people
are
rather
good
people
and
better
than
most
Pinky
Dinkys
people
But
he
does
not
put
on
side
Pinky
Dinkys
become
playful
at
the
sight
of
women
Croquets
my
game
said
the
Pinky
Dinky
and
felt
a
man
condescended
But
what
the
devil
do
they
think
theyre
up
to
anyhow
roared
old
Hatherleigh
suddenly
dropping
plump
into
bottomless
despair
We
felt
we
had
still
failed
to
get
at
the
core
of
the
mystery
of
the
Pinky
Dinky
We
tried
over
things
about
his
religion
The
Pinky
Dinky
goes
to
Kings
Chapel
and
sits
and
feels
in
the
dusk
Solemn
things
Oh
HUSH
He
wouldnt
tell
you
He
COULDNT
tell
you
Religion
is
so
sacred
to
him
he
never
talks
about
it
never
reads
about
it
never
thinks
about
it
Just
feels
But
in
his
heart
of
hearts
oh
ever
so
deep
the
Pinky
Dinky
has
a
doubt
Some
one
protested
Not
a
vulgar
doubt
Esmeer
went
on
but
a
kind
of
hesitation
whether
the
Ancient
of
Days
is
really
exactly
what
one
would
call
good
form
Theres
a
lot
of
horrid
coarseness
got
into
the
world
somehow
SOMEBODY
put
it
there
And
anyhow
theres
no
particular
reason
why
a
man
should
be
seen
about
with
Him
Hes
jolly
Awful
of
course
and
all
that
The
Pinky
Dinky
for
all
his
fun
and
levity
has
a
clean
mind
A
thoroughly
clean
mind
Not
like
Esmeers
the
Pig
If
once
he
began
to
think
about
sex
how
could
he
be
comfortable
at
croquet
Its
their
Damned
Modesty
said
Hatherleigh
suddenly
thats
whats
the
matter
with
the
Pinky
Dinky
Its
Mental
Cowardice
dressed
up
as
a
virtue
and
taking
the
poor
dears
in
Cambridge
is
soaked
with
it
its
some
confounded
local
bacillus
Like
the
thing
that
gives
a
flavour
to
Havana
cigars
He
comes
up
here
to
be
made
into
a
man
and
a
ruler
of
the
people
and
he
thinks
it
shows
a
nice
disposition
not
to
take
on
the
job
How
the
Devil
is
a
great
Empire
to
be
run
with
men
like
him
All
his
little
jokes
and
things
said
Esmeer
regarding
his
feet
on
the
fender
its
just
a
nervous
sniggering
because
hes
afraid
Oxfords
no
better
Whats
he
afraid
of
said
I
God
knows
exploded
Hatherleigh
and
stared
at
the
fire
LIFE
said
Esmeer
And
so
in
a
way
are
we
he
added
and
made
a
thoughtful
silence
for
a
time
I
say
began
Carter
who
was
doing
the
Natural
Science
Tripos
what
is
the
adult
form
of
the
Pinky
Dinky
But
there
we
were
checked
by
our
ignorance
of
the
world
What
is
the
adult
form
of
any
of
us
asked
Benton
voicing
the
thought
that
had
arrested
our
flow
3
I
do
not
remember
that
we
ever
lifted
our
criticism
to
the
dons
and
the
organisation
of
the
University
I
think
we
took
them
for
granted
When
I
look
back
at
my
youth
I
am
always
astonished
by
the
multitude
of
things
that
we
took
for
granted
It
seemed
to
us
that
Cambridge
was
in
the
order
of
things
for
all
the
world
like
having
eyebrows
or
a
vermiform
appendix
Now
with
the
larger
scepticism
of
middle
age
I
can
entertain
very
fundamental
doubts
about
these
old
universities
Indeed
I
had
a
scheme
I
do
not
see
what
harm
I
can
do
now
by
laying
bare
the
purpose
of
the
political
combinations
I
was
trying
to
effect
My
educational
scheme
was
indeed
the
starting
point
of
all
the
big
project
of
conscious
public
reconstruction
at
which
I
aimed
I
wanted
to
build
up
a
new
educational
machine
altogether
for
the
governing
class
out
of
a
consolidated
system
of
special
public
service
schools
I
meant
to
get
to
work
upon
this
whatever
office
I
was
given
in
the
new
government
I
could
have
begun
my
plan
from
the
Admiralty
or
the
War
Office
quite
as
easily
as
from
the
Education
Office
I
am
firmly
convinced
it
is
hopeless
to
think
of
reforming
the
old
public
schools
and
universities
to
meet
the
needs
of
a
modern
state
they
send
their
roots
too
deep
and
far
the
cost
would
exceed
any
good
that
could
possibly
be
effected
and
so
I
have
sought
a
way
round
this
invincible
obstacle
I
do
think
it
would
be
quite
practicable
to
side
track
as
the
Americans
say
the
whole
system
by
creating
hardworking
hard
living
modern
and
scientific
boys
schools
first
for
the
Royal
Navy
and
then
for
the
public
service
generally
and
as
they
grew
opening
them
to
the
public
without
any
absolute
obligation
to
subsequent
service
Simultaneously
with
this
it
would
not
be
impossible
to
develop
a
new
college
system
with
strong
faculties
in
modern
philosophy
modern
history
European
literature
and
criticism
physical
and
biological
science
education
and
sociology
We
could
in
fact
create
a
new
liberal
education
in
this
way
and
cut
the
umbilicus
of
the
classical
languages
for
good
and
all
I
should
have
set
this
going
and
trusted
it
to
correct
or
kill
the
old
public
schools
and
the
Oxford
and
Cambridge
tradition
altogether
I
had
men
in
my
mind
to
begin
the
work
and
I
should
have
found
others
I
should
have
aimed
at
making
a
hard
trained
capable
intellectually
active
proud
type
of
man
Everything
else
would
have
been
made
subservient
to
that
I
should
have
kept
my
grip
on
the
men
through
their
vacation
and
somehow
or
other
I
would
have
contrived
a
young
woman
to
match
them
I
think
I
could
have
seen
to
it
effectually
enough
that
they
didnt
get
at
croquet
and
tennis
with
the
vicarage
daughters
and
discover
sex
in
the
Peeping
Tom
fashion
I
did
and
that
they
realised
quite
early
in
life
that
it
isnt
really
virile
to
reek
of
tobacco
I
should
have
had
military
manoeuvres
training
ships
aeroplane
work
mountaineering
and
so
forth
in
the
place
of
the
solemn
trivialities
of
games
and
I
should
have
fed
and
housed
my
men
clean
and
very
hard
where
there
wasnt
any
audit
ale
no
credit
tradesmen
and
plenty
of
high
pressure
douches
I
have
revisited
Cambridge
and
Oxford
time
after
time
since
I
came
down
and
so
far
as
the
Empire
goes
I
want
to
get
clear
of
those
two
places
Always
I
renew
my
old
feelings
a
physical
oppression
a
sense
of
lowness
and
dampness
almost
exactly
like
the
feeling
of
an
underground
room
where
paper
moulders
and
leaves
the
wall
a
feeling
of
ineradicable
contagion
in
the
Gothic
buildings
in
the
narrow
ditch
like
rivers
in
those
roads
and
roads
of
stuffy
little
villas
Those
little
villas
have
destroyed
all
the
good
of
the
old
monastic
system
and
none
of
its
evil
Some
of
the
most
charming
people
in
the
world
live
in
them
but
their
collective
effect
is
below
the
quality
of
any
individual
among
them
Cambridge
is
a
world
of
subdued
tones
of
excessively
subtle
humours
of
prim
conduct
and
free
thinking
it
fears
the
Parent
but
it
has
no
fear
of
God
it
offers
amidst
surroundings
that
vary
between
disguises
and
antiquarian
charm
the
inflammation
of
literatures
purple
draught
one
hears
there
a
peculiar
thin
scandal
like
no
other
scandal
in
the
world
a
covetous
scandal
so
that
I
am
always
reminded
of
Ibsen
in
Cambridge
In
Cambridge
and
the
plays
of
Ibsen
alone
does
it
seem
appropriate
for
the
heroine
before
the
great
crisis
of
life
to
enter
take
off
her
overshoes
and
put
her
wet
umbrella
upon
the
writing
desk
We
have
to
make
a
new
Academic
mind
for
modern
needs
and
the
last
thing
to
make
it
out
of
I
am
convinced
is
the
old
Academic
mind
One
might
as
soon
try
to
fake
the
old
VICTORY
at
Portsmouth
into
a
line
of
battleship
again
Besides
which
the
old
Academic
mind
like
those
old
bathless
damp
Gothic
colleges
is
much
too
delightful
in
its
peculiar
and
distinctive
way
to
damage
by
futile
patching
My
heart
warms
to
a
sense
of
affectionate
absurdity
as
I
recall
dear
old
Codger
surely
the
most
unleaderly
of
men
No
more
than
from
the
old
Schoolmen
his
kindred
could
one
get
from
him
a
School
for
Princes
Yet
apart
from
his
teaching
he
was
as
curious
and
adorable
as
a
good
Netsuke
Until
quite
recently
he
was
a
power
in
Cambridge
he
could
make
and
bar
and
destroy
and
in
a
way
he
has
become
the
quintessence
of
Cambridge
in
my
thoughts
I
see
him
on
his
way
to
the
mornings
lecture
with
his
plump
childish
face
his
round
innocent
eyes
his
absurdly
non
prehensile
fat
hand
carrying
his
cap
his
grey
trousers
braced
up
much
too
high
his
feet
a
trifle
inturned
and
going
across
the
great
court
with
a
queer
tripping
pace
that
seemed
cultivated
even
to
my
naive
undergraduate
eye
Or
I
see
him
lecturing
He
lectured
walking
up
and
down
between
the
desks
talking
in
a
fluting
rapid
voice
and
with
the
utmost
lucidity
If
he
could
not
walk
up
and
down
he
could
not
lecture
His
mind
and
voice
had
precisely
the
fluid
quality
of
some
clear
subtle
liquid
one
felt
it
could
flow
round
anything
and
overcome
nothing
And
its
nimble
eddies
were
wonderful
Or
again
I
recall
him
drinking
port
with
little
muscular
movements
in
his
neck
and
cheek
and
chin
and
his
brows
knit
very
judicial
very
concentrated
preparing
to
say
the
apt
just
thing
it
was
the
last
thing
he
would
have
told
a
lie
about
When
I
think
of
Codger
I
am
reminded
of
an
inscription
I
saw
on
some
occasion
in
Regents
Park
above
two
eyes
scarcely
more
limpidly
innocent
than
his
Born
in
the
Menagerie
Never
once
since
Codger
began
to
display
the
early
promise
of
scholarship
at
the
age
of
eight
or
more
had
he
been
outside
the
bars
His
utmost
travel
had
been
to
lecture
here
and
lecture
there
His
student
phase
had
culminated
in
papers
of
quite
exceptional
brilliance
and
he
had
gone
on
to
lecture
with
a
cheerful
combination
of
wit
and
mannerism
that
had
made
him
a
success
from
the
beginning
He
has
lectured
ever
since
He
lectures
still
Year
by
year
he
has
become
plumper
more
rubicund
and
more
and
more
of
an
item
for
the
intelligent
visitor
to
see
Even
in
my
time
he
was
pointed
out
to
people
as
part
of
our
innumerable
enrichments
and
obviously
he
knew
it
He
has
become
now
almost
the
leading
Character
in
a
little
donnish
world
of
much
too
intensely
appreciated
Characters
He
boasted
he
took
no
exercise
and
also
of
his
knowledge
of
port
wine
Of
other
wines
he
confessed
quite
frankly
he
had
no
special
knowledge
Beyond
these
things
he
had
little
pride
except
that
he
claimed
to
have
read
every
novel
by
a
woman
writer
that
had
ever
entered
the
Union
Library
This
however
he
held
to
be
remarkable
rather
than
ennobling
and
such
boasts
as
he
made
of
it
were
tinged
with
playfulness
Certainly
he
had
a
scholars
knowledge
of
the
works
of
Miss
Marie
Corelli
Miss
Braddon
Miss
Elizabeth
Glyn
and
Madame
Sarah
Grand
that
would
have
astonished
and
flattered
those
ladies
enormously
and
he
loved
nothing
so
much
in
his
hours
of
relaxation
as
to
propound
and
answer
difficult
questions
upon
their
books
Tusher
of
Kings
was
his
ineffectual
rival
in
this
field
their
bouts
were
memorable
and
rarely
other
than
glorious
for
Codger
but
then
Tusher
spread
himself
too
much
he
also
undertook
to
rehearse
whole
pages
out
of
Bradshaw
and
tell
you
with
all
the
changes
how
to
get
from
any
station
to
any
station
in
Great
Britain
by
the
nearest
and
cheapest
routes
Codger
lodged
with
a
little
deaf
innocent
old
lady
Mrs
Araminta
Mergle
who
was
understood
to
be
herself
a
very
redoubtable
Character
in
the
Gyp
Bedder
class
about
her
he
related
quietly
absurd
anecdotes
He
displayed
a
marvellous
invention
in
ascribing
to
her
plausible
expressions
of
opinion
entirely
identical
in
import
with
those
of
the
Oxford
and
Harvard
Pragmatists
against
whom
he
waged
a
fierce
obscure
war
It
was
Codgers
function
to
teach
me
philosophy
philosophy
the
intimate
wisdom
of
things
He
dealt
in
a
variety
of
Hegelian
stuff
like
nothing
else
in
the
world
but
marvellously
consistent
with
itself
It
was
a
wonderful
web
he
spun
out
of
that
queer
big
active
childish
brain
that
had
never
lusted
nor
hated
nor
grieved
nor
feared
nor
passionately
loved
a
web
of
iridescent
threads
He
had
luminous
final
theories
about
Love
and
Death
and
Immortality
odd
matters
they
seemed
for
him
to
think
about
and
all
his
woven
thoughts
lay
across
my
perception
of
the
realities
of
things
as
flimsy
and
irrelevant
and
clever
and
beautiful
oh
as
a
dew
wet
spiders
web
slung
in
the
morning
sunshine
across
the
black
mouth
of
a
gun
4
All
through
those
years
of
development
I
perceive
now
there
must
have
been
growing
in
me
slowly
irregularly
assimilating
to
itself
all
the
phrases
and
forms
of
patriotism
diverting
my
religious
impulses
utilising
my
esthetic
tendencies
my
dominating
idea
the
statesmans
idea
that
idea
of
social
service
which
is
the
protagonist
of
my
story
that
real
though
complex
passion
for
Making
making
widely
and
greatly
cities
national
order
civilisation
whose
interplay
with
all
those
other
factors
in
life
I
have
set
out
to
present
It
was
growing
in
me
as
ones
bones
grow
no
man
intending
it
I
have
tried
to
show
how
quite
early
in
my
life
the
fact
of
disorderliness
the
conception
of
social
life
as
being
a
multitudinous
confusion
out
of
hand
came
to
me
One
always
of
course
simplifies
these
things
in
the
telling
but
I
do
not
think
I
ever
saw
the
world
at
large
in
any
other
terms
I
never
at
any
stage
entertamed
the
idea
which
sustained
my
mother
and
which
sustains
so
many
people
in
the
world
the
idea
that
the
universe
whatever
superficial
discords
it
may
present
is
as
a
matter
of
fact
all
right
is
being
steered
to
definite
ends
by
a
serene
and
unquestionable
God
My
mother
thought
that
Order
prevailed
and
that
disorder
was
just
incidental
and
foredoomed
rebellion
I
feel
and
have
always
felt
that
order
rebels
against
and
struggles
against
disorder
that
order
has
an
up
hill
job
in
gardens
experiments
suburbs
everything
alike
from
the
very
beginnings
of
my
experience
I
discovered
hostility
to
order
a
constant
escaping
from
control
The
current
of
living
and
contemporary
ideas
in
which
my
mind
was
presently
swimming
made
all
in
the
same
direction
in
place
of
my
mothers
attentive
meticulous
but
occasionally
extremely
irascible
Providence
the
talk
was
all
of
the
Struggle
for
Existenc
and
the
survival
not
of
the
Best
that
was
nonsense
but
of
the
fittest
to
survive
The
attempts
to
rehabilitate
Faith
in
the
form
of
the
Individualists
LAISSEZ
FAIRE
never
won
upon
me
I
disliked
Herbert
Spencer
all
my
life
until
I
read
his
autobiography
and
then
I
laughed
a
little
and
loved
him
I
remember
as
early
as
the
City
Merchants
days
how
Britten
and
I
scoffed
at
that
pompous
question
begging
word
Evolution
having
so
to
speak
found
it
out
Evolution
some
illuminating
talker
had
remarked
at
the
Britten
lunch
table
had
led
not
only
to
man
but
to
the
liver
fluke
and
skunk
obviously
it
might
lead
anywhere
order
came
into
things
only
through
the
struggling
mind
of
man
That
lit
things
wonderfully
for
us
When
I
went
up
to
Cambridge
I
was
perfectly
clear
that
life
was
a
various
and
splendid
disorder
of
forces
that
the
spirit
of
man
sets
itself
to
tame
I
have
never
since
fallen
away
from
that
persuasion
I
do
not
think
I
was
exceptionally
precocious
in
reaching
these
conclusions
and
a
sort
of
religious
finality
for
myself
by
eighteen
or
nineteen
I
know
men
and
women
vary
very
much
in
these
matters
just
as
children
do
in
learning
to
talk
Some
will
chatter
at
eighteen
months
and
some
will
hardly
speak
until
three
and
the
thing
has
very
little
to
do
with
their
subsequent
mental
quality
So
it
is
with
young
people
some
will
begin
their
religious
their
social
their
sexual
interests
at
fourteen
some
not
until
far
on
in
the
twenties
Britten
and
I
belonged
to
one
of
the
precocious
types
and
Cossington
very
probably
to
another
It
wasnt
that
there
was
anything
priggish
about
any
of
us
we
should
have
been
prigs
to
have
concealed
our
spontaneous
interests
and
ape
the
theoretical
boy
The
world
of
man
centred
for
my
imagination
in
London
it
still
centres
there
the
real
and
present
world
that
is
to
say
as
distinguished
from
the
wonder
lands
of
atomic
and
microscopic
science
and
the
stars
and
future
time
I
had
travelled
scarcely
at
all
I
had
never
crossed
the
Channel
but
I
had
read
copiously
and
I
had
formed
a
very
good
working
idea
of
this
round
globe
with
its
mountains
and
wildernesses
and
forests
and
all
the
sorts
and
conditions
of
human
life
that
were
scattered
over
its
surface
It
was
all
alive
I
felt
and
changing
every
day
how
it
was
changing
and
the
changes
men
might
bring
about
fascinated
my
mind
beyond
measure
I
used
to
find
a
charm
in
old
maps
that
showed
The
World
as
Known
to
the
Ancients
and
I
wish
I
could
now
without
any
suspicion
of
self
deception
write
down
compactly
the
world
as
it
was
known
to
me
at
nineteen
So
far
as
extension
went
it
was
I
fancy
very
like
the
world
I
know
now
at
forty
two
I
had
practically
all
the
mountains
and
seas
boundaries
and
races
products
and
possibilities
that
I
have
now
But
its
intension
was
very
different
All
the
interval
has
been
increasing
and
deepening
my
social
knowledge
replacing
crude
and
second
hand
impressions
by
felt
and
realised
distinctions
In
1895
that
was
my
last
year
with
Britten
for
I
went
up
to
Cambridge
in
September
my
vision
of
the
world
had
much
the
same
relation
to
the
vision
I
have
to
day
that
an
ill
drawn
daub
of
a
mask
has
to
the
direct
vision
of
a
human
face
Britten
and
I
looked
at
our
world
and
saw
what
did
we
see
Forms
and
colours
side
by
side
that
we
had
no
suspicion
were
interdependent
We
had
no
conception
of
the
roots
of
things
nor
of
the
reaction
of
things
It
did
not
seem
to
us
for
example
that
business
had
anything
to
do
with
government
or
that
money
and
means
affected
the
heroic
issues
of
war
There
were
no
wagons
in
our
war
game
and
where
there
were
guns
there
it
was
assumed
the
ammunition
was
gathered
together
Finance
again
was
a
sealed
book
to
us
we
did
not
so
much
connect
it
with
the
broad
aspects
of
human
affairs
as
regard
it
as
a
sort
of
intrusive
nuisance
to
be
earnestly
ignored
by
all
right
minded
men
We
had
no
conception
of
the
quality
of
politics
nor
how
interests
came
into
such
affairs
we
believed
men
were
swayed
by
purely
intellectual
convictions
and
were
either
right
or
wrong
honest
or
dishonest
in
which
ease
they
deserved
to
be
shot
good
or
bad
We
knew
nothing
of
mental
inertia
and
could
imagine
the
opinion
of
a
whole
nation
changed
by
one
lucid
and
convincing
exposition
We
were
capable
of
the
most
incongruous
transfers
from
the
scroll
of
history
to
our
own
times
we
could
suppose
Brixton
ravaged
and
Hampstead
burnt
in
civil
wars
for
the
succession
to
the
throne
or
Cheapside
a
lane
of
death
and
the
front
of
the
Mansion
House
set
about
with
guillotines
in
the
course
of
an
accurately
transposed
French
Revolution
We
rebuilt
London
by
Act
of
Parliament
and
once
in
a
mood
of
hygienic
enterprise
we
transferred
its
population
EN
MASSE
to
the
North
Downs
by
an
order
of
the
Local
Government
Board
We
thought
nothing
of
throwing
religious
organisations
out
of
employment
or
superseding
all
the
newspapers
by
freely
distributed
bulletins
We
could
contemplate
the
possibility
of
laws
abolishing
whole
classes
we
were
equal
to
such
a
dream
as
the
peaceful
and
orderly
proclamation
of
Communism
from
the
steps
of
St
Pauls
Cathedral
after
the
passing
of
a
simply
worded
bill
a
close
and
not
unnaturally
an
exciting
division
carrying
the
third
reading
I
remember
quite
distinctly
evolving
that
vision
We
were
then
fully
fifteen
and
we
were
perfectly
serious
about
it
We
were
not
fools
it
was
simply
that
as
yet
we
had
gathered
no
experience
at
all
of
the
limits
and
powers
of
legislation
and
conscious
collective
intention
I
think
this
statement
does
my
boyhood
justice
and
yet
I
have
my
doubts
It
is
so
hard
now
to
say
what
one
understood
and
what
one
did
not
understand
It
isnt
only
that
every
day
changed
ones
general
outlook
but
also
that
a
boy
fluctuates
between
phases
of
quite
adult
understanding
and
phases
of
tawdrily
magnificent
puerility
Sometimes
I
myself
was
in
those
tumbrils
that
went
along
Cheapside
to
the
Mansion
House
a
Sydney
Cartonesque
figure
a
white
defeated
Mirabean
sometimes
it
was
I
who
sat
judging
and
condemning
and
ruling
sleeping
in
my
clothes
and
feeding
very
simply
the
soul
and
autocrat
of
the
Provisional
Government
which
occupied
of
all
inconvenient
places
the
General
Post
Office
at
St
Martins
le
Grand
I
cannot
trace
the
development
of
my
ideas
at
Cambridge
but
I
believe
the
mere
physical
fact
of
going
two
hours
journey
away
from
London
gave
that
place
for
the
first
time
an
effect
of
unity
in
my
imagination
I
got
outside
London
It
became
tangible
instead
of
being
a
frame
almost
as
universal
as
sea
and
sky
At
Cambridge
my
ideas
ceased
to
live
in
a
duologue
in
exchange
for
Britten
with
whom
however
I
corresponded
lengthily
stylishly
and
self
consciously
for
some
years
I
had
now
a
set
of
congenial
friends
I
got
talk
with
some
of
the
younger
dons
I
learnt
to
speak
in
the
Union
and
in
my
little
set
we
were
all
pretty
busily
sharpening
each
others
wits
and
correcting
each
others
interpretations
Cambridge
made
politics
personal
and
actual
At
City
Merchants
we
had
had
no
sense
of
effective
contact
we
boasted
it
is
true
an
under
secretary
and
a
colonial
governor
among
our
old
boys
but
they
were
never
real
to
us
such
distinguished
sons
as
returned
to
visit
the
old
school
were
allusive
and
pleasant
in
the
best
Pinky
Dinky
style
and
pretended
to
be
in
earnest
about
nothing
but
our
football
and
cricket
to
mourn
the
abolition
of
water
and
find
a
shuddering
personal
interest
in
the
ancient
swishing
block
At
Cambridge
I
felt
for
the
first
time
that
I
touched
the
thing
that
was
going
on
Real
living
statesmen
came
down
to
debate
in
the
Union
the
older
dons
had
been
their
college
intimates
their
sons
and
nephews
expounded
them
to
us
and
made
them
real
to
us
They
invited
us
to
entertain
ideas
I
found
myself
for
the
first
time
in
my
life
expected
to
read
and
think
and
discuss
my
secret
vice
had
become
a
virtue
That
combination
room
world
is
at
last
larger
and
more
populous
and
various
than
the
world
of
schoolmasters
The
Shoesmiths
and
Naylors
who
had
been
the
aristocracy
of
City
Merchants
fell
into
their
place
in
my
mind
they
became
an
undistinguished
mass
on
the
more
athletic
side
of
Pinky
Dinkyism
and
their
hostility
to
ideas
and
to
the
expression
of
ideas
ceased
to
limit
and
trouble
me
The
brighter
men
of
each
generation
stay
up
these
others
go
down
to
propagate
their
tradition
as
the
fathers
of
families
as
mediocre
professional
men
as
assistant
masters
in
schools
Cambridge
which
perfects
them
is
by
the
nature
of
things
least
oppressed
by
them
except
when
it
comes
to
a
vote
in
Convocation
We
were
still
in
those
days
under
the
shadow
of
the
great
Victorians
I
never
saw
Gladstone
as
I
never
set
eyes
on
the
old
Queen
but
he
had
resigned
office
only
a
year
before
I
went
up
to
Trinity
and
the
Combination
Rooms
were
full
of
personal
gossip
about
him
and
Disraeli
and
the
other
big
figures
of
the
gladiatorial
stage
of
Parlimentary
history
talk
that
leaked
copiously
into
such
sets
as
mine
The
ceiling
of
our
guest
chamber
at
Trinity
was
glorious
with
the
arms
of
Sir
William
Harcourt
whose
Death
Duties
had
seemed
at
first
like
a
socialist
dawn
Mr
Evesham
we
asked
to
come
to
the
Union
every
year
Masters
Chamberlain
and
the
old
Duke
of
Devonshire
they
did
not
come
indeed
but
their
polite
refusals
brought
us
all
as
it
were
within
personal
touch
of
them
One
heard
of
cabinet
councils
and
meetings
at
country
houses
Some
of
us
pursuing
such
interests
went
so
far
as
to
read
political
memoirs
and
the
novels
of
Disraeli
and
Mrs
Humphry
Ward
From
gossip
example
and
the
illustrated
newspapers
one
learnt
something
of
the
way
in
which
parties
were
split
coalitions
formed
how
permanent
officials
worked
and
controlled
their
ministers
how
measures
were
brought
forward
and
projects
modified
And
while
I
was
getting
the
great
leading
figures
on
the
political
stage
who
had
been
presented
to
me
in
my
schooldays
not
so
much
as
men
as
the
pantomimic
monsters
of
political
caricature
while
I
was
getting
them
reduced
in
my
imagination
to
the
stature
of
humanity
and
their
motives
to
the
quality
of
impulses
like
my
own
I
was
also
acquiring
in
my
Tripos
work
a
constantly
developing
and
enriching
conception
of
the
world
of
men
as
a
complex
of
economic
intellectual
and
moral
processes
5
Socialism
is
an
intellectual
Proteus
but
to
the
men
of
my
generation
it
came
as
the
revolt
of
the
workers
Rodbertus
we
never
heard
of
and
the
Fabian
Society
we
did
not
understand
Marx
and
Morris
the
Chicago
Anarchists
JUSTICE
and
Social
Democratic
Federation
as
it
was
then
presented
socialism
to
our
minds
Hatherleigh
was
the
leading
exponent
of
the
new
doctrines
in
Trinity
and
the
figure
upon
his
wall
of
a
huge
muscled
black
haired
toiler
swaggering
sledgehammer
in
hand
across
a
revolutionary
barricade
seemed
the
quintessence
of
what
he
had
to
expound
Landlord
and
capitalist
had
robbed
and
enslaved
the
workers
and
were
driving
them
quite
automatically
to
inevitable
insurrection
They
would
arise
and
the
capitalist
system
would
flee
and
vanish
like
the
mists
before
the
morning
like
the
dews
before
the
sunrise
giving
place
in
the
most
simple
and
obvious
manner
to
an
era
of
Right
and
Justice
and
Virtue
and
Well
Being
and
in
short
a
Perfectly
Splendid
Time
I
had
already
discussed
this
sort
of
socialism
under
the
guidance
of
Britten
before
I
went
up
to
Cambridge
It
was
all
mixed
up
with
ideas
about
freedom
and
natural
virtue
and
a
great
scorn
for
kings
titles
wealth
and
officials
and
it
was
symbolised
by
the
red
ties
we
wore
Our
simple
verdict
on
existing
arrangements
was
that
they
were
all
wrong
The
rich
were
robbers
and
knew
it
kings
and
princes
were
usurpers
and
knew
it
religious
teachers
were
impostors
in
league
with
power
the
economic
system
was
an
elaborate
plot
on
the
part
of
the
few
to
expropriate
the
many
We
went
about
feeling
scornful
of
all
the
current
forms
of
life
forms
that
esteemed
themselves
solid
that
were
we
knew
no
more
than
shapes
painted
on
a
curtain
that
was
presently
to
be
torn
aside
It
was
Hatherleighs
poster
and
his
capacity
for
overstating
things
I
think
that
first
qualified
my
simple
revolutionary
enthusiasm
Perhaps
also
I
had
met
with
Fabian
publications
but
if
I
did
I
forget
the
circumstances
And
no
doubt
my
innate
constructiveness
with
its
practical
corollary
of
an
analytical
treatment
of
the
material
supplied
was
bound
to
push
me
on
beyond
this
melodramatic
interpretation
of
human
affairs
I
compared
that
Working
Man
of
the
poster
with
any
sort
of
working
man
I
knew
I
perceived
that
the
latter
was
not
going
to
change
and
indeed
could
not
under
any
stimulus
whatever
be
expected
to
change
into
the
former
It
crept
into
my
mind
as
slowly
and
surely
as
the
dawn
creeps
into
a
room
that
the
former
was
not
as
I
had
at
first
rather
glibly
assumed
an
ideal
but
a
complete
misrepresentation
of
the
quality
and
possibilities
of
things
I
do
not
know
now
whether
it
was
during
my
school
days
or
at
Cambridge
that
I
first
began
not
merely
to
see
the
world
as
a
great
contrast
of
rich
and
poor
but
to
feel
the
massive
effect
of
that
multitudinous
majority
of
people
who
toil
continually
who
are
for
ever
anxious
about
ways
and
means
who
are
restricted
ill
clothed
ill
fed
and
ill
housed
who
have
limited
outlooks
and
continually
suffer
misadventures
hardships
and
distresses
through
the
want
of
money
My
lot
had
fallen
upon
the
fringe
of
the
possessing
minority
if
I
did
not
know
the
want
of
necessities
I
knew
shabbiness
and
the
world
that
let
me
go
on
to
a
university
education
intimated
very
plainly
that
there
was
not
a
thing
beyond
the
primary
needs
that
my
stimulated
imagination
might
demand
that
it
would
not
be
an
effort
for
me
to
secure
A
certain
aggressive
radicalism
against
the
ruling
and
propertied
classes
followed
almost
naturally
from
my
circumstances
It
did
not
at
first
connect
itself
at
all
with
the
perception
of
a
planless
disorder
in
human
affairs
that
had
been
forced
upon
me
by
the
atmosphere
of
my
upbringing
nor
did
it
link
me
in
sympathy
with
any
of
the
profounder
realities
of
poverty
It
was
a
personal
independent
thing
The
dingier
people
one
saw
in
the
back
streets
and
lower
quarters
of
Bromstead
and
Penge
the
drift
of
dirty
children
ragged
old
women
street
loafers
grimy
workers
that
made
the
social
background
of
London
the
stories
one
heard
of
privation
and
sweating
only
joined
up
very
slowly
with
the
general
propositions
I
was
making
about
life
We
could
become
splendidly
eloquent
about
the
social
revolution
and
the
triumph
of
the
Proletariat
after
the
Class
war
and
it
was
only
by
a
sort
of
inspiration
that
it
came
to
me
that
my
bedder
a
garrulous
old
thing
with
a
dusty
black
bonnet
over
one
eye
and
an
ostentatiously
clean
apron
outside
the
dark
mysteries
that
clothed
her
or
the
cheeky
little
ruffians
who
yelled
papers
about
the
streets
were
really
material
to
such
questions
Directly
any
of
us
young
socialists
of
Trinity
found
ourselves
in
immediate
contact
with
servants
or
cadgers
or
gyps
or
bedders
or
plumbers
or
navvies
or
cabmen
or
railway
porters
we
became
unconsciously
and
unthinkingly
aristocrats
Our
voices
altered
our
gestures
altered
We
behaved
just
as
all
the
other
men
rich
or
poor
swatters
or
sportsmen
or
Pinky
Dinkys
behaved
and
exactly
as
we
were
expected
to
behave
On
the
whole
it
is
a
population
of
poor
quality
round
about
Cambridge
rather
stunted
and
spiritless
and
very
difficult
to
idealise
That
theoretical
Working
Man
of
ours
if
we
felt
the
clash
at
all
we
explained
it
I
suppose
by
assuming
that
he
came
from
another
part
of
the
country
Esmeer
I
remember
who
lived
somewhere
in
the
Fens
was
very
eloquent
about
the
Cornish
fishermen
and
Hatherleigh
who
was
a
Hampshire
man
assured
us
we
ought
to
know
the
Scottish
miner
My
private
fancy
was
for
the
Lancashire
operative
because
of
his
co
operative
societies
and
because
what
Lancashire
thinks
to
day
England
thinks
to
morrow
And
also
I
had
never
been
in
Lancashire
By
little
increments
of
realisation
it
was
that
the
profounder
verities
of
the
problem
of
socialism
came
to
me
It
helped
me
very
much
that
I
had
to
go
down
to
the
Potteries
several
times
to
discuss
my
future
with
my
uncle
and
guardian
I
walked
about
and
saw
Bursley
Wakes
and
much
of
the
human
aspects
of
organised
industrialism
at
close
quarters
for
the
first
time
The
picture
of
a
splendid
Working
Man
cheated
out
of
his
innate
glorious
possibilities
and
presently
to
arise
and
dash
this
scoundrelly
and
scandalous
system
of
private
ownership
to
fragments
began
to
give
place
to
a
limitless
spectacle
of
inefficiency
to
a
conception
of
millions
of
people
not
organised
as
they
should
be
not
educated
as
they
should
be
not
simply
prevented
from
but
incapable
of
nearly
every
sort
of
beauty
mostly
kindly
and
well
meaning
mostly
incompetent
mostly
obstinate
and
easily
humbugged
and
easily
diverted
Even
the
tragic
and
inspiring
idea
of
Marx
that
the
poor
were
nearing
a
limit
of
painful
experience
and
awakening
to
a
sense
of
intolerable
wrongs
began
to
develop
into
the
more
appalling
conception
that
the
poor
were
simply
in
a
witless
uncomfortable
inconclusive
way
muddling
along
that
they
wanted
nothing
very
definitely
nor
very
urgently
that
mean
fears
enslaved
them
and
mean
satisfactions
decoyed
them
that
they
took
the
very
gift
of
life
itself
with
a
spiritless
lassitude
hoarding
it
being
rather
anxious
not
to
lose
it
than
to
use
it
in
any
way
whatever
The
complete
development
of
that
realisation
was
the
work
of
many
years
I
had
only
the
first
intimations
at
Cambridge
But
I
did
have
intimations
Most
acutely
do
I
remember
the
doubts
that
followed
the
visit
of
Chris
Robinson
Chris
Robinson
was
heralded
by
such
heroic
anticipations
and
he
was
so
entirely
what
we
had
not
anticipated
Hatherleigh
got
him
to
come
arranged
a
sort
of
meeting
for
him
at
Redmaynes
rooms
in
Kings
and
was
very
proud
and
proprietorial
It
failed
to
stir
Cambridge
at
all
profoundly
Beyond
a
futile
attempt
to
screw
up
Hatherleigh
made
by
some
inexpert
duffers
who
used
nails
instead
of
screws
and
gimlets
there
was
no
attempt
to
rag
Next
day
Chris
Robinson
went
and
spoke
at
Bennett
Hall
in
Newnham
College
and
left
Cambridge
in
the
evening
amidst
the
cheers
of
twenty
men
or
so
Socialism
was
at
such
a
low
ebb
politically
in
those
days
that
it
didnt
even
rouse
men
to
opposition
And
there
sat
Chris
under
that
flamboyant
and
heroic
Worker
of
the
poster
a
little
wrinkled
grey
bearded
apologetic
man
in
ready
made
clothes
with
watchful
innocent
brown
eyes
and
a
persistent
and
invincible
air
of
being
out
of
his
element
He
sat
with
his
stout
boots
tucked
up
under
his
chair
and
clung
to
a
teacup
and
saucer
and
looked
away
from
us
into
the
fire
and
we
all
sat
about
on
tables
and
chair
arms
and
windowsills
and
boxes
and
anywhere
except
upon
chairs
after
the
manner
of
young
men
The
only
other
chair
whose
seat
was
occupied
was
the
one
containing
his
knitted
woollen
comforter
and
his
picturesque
old
beach
photographers
hat
We
were
all
shy
and
didnt
know
how
to
take
hold
of
him
now
we
had
got
him
and
which
was
disconcertingly
unanticipated
he
was
manifestly
having
the
same
difficulty
with
us
We
had
expected
to
be
gripped
Ill
not
be
knowing
what
to
say
to
these
Chaps
he
repeated
with
a
north
country
quality
in
his
speech
We
made
reassuring
noises
The
Ambassador
of
the
Workers
stirred
his
tea
earnestly
through
an
uncomfortable
pause
Id
best
tell
em
something
of
how
things
are
in
Lancashire
what
with
the
new
machines
and
all
that
he
speculated
at
last
with
red
reflections
in
his
thoughtful
eyes
We
had
an
inexcusable
dread
that
perhaps
he
would
make
a
mess
of
the
meeting
But
when
he
was
no
longer
in
the
unaccustomed
meshes
of
refined
conversation
but
speaking
with
an
audience
before
him
he
became
a
different
man
He
declared
he
would
explain
to
us
just
exactly
what
socialism
was
and
went
on
at
once
to
an
impassioned
contrast
of
social
conditions
You
young
men
he
said
come
from
homes
of
luxury
every
need
you
feel
is
supplied
We
sat
and
stood
and
sprawled
about
him
occupying
every
inch
of
Redmaynes
floor
space
except
the
hearthrug
platform
and
we
listened
to
him
and
thought
him
over
He
was
the
voice
of
wrongs
that
made
us
indignant
and
eager
We
forgot
for
a
time
that
he
had
been
shy
and
seemed
not
a
little
incompetent
his
provincial
accent
became
a
beauty
of
his
earnest
speech
we
were
carried
away
by
his
indignations
We
looked
with
shining
eyes
at
one
another
and
at
the
various
dons
who
had
dropped
in
and
were
striving
to
maintain
a
front
of
judicious
severity
We
felt
more
and
more
that
social
injustice
must
cease
and
cease
forthwith
We
felt
we
could
not
sleep
upon
it
At
the
end
we
clapped
and
murmured
our
applause
and
wanted
badly
to
cheer
Then
like
a
lancet
stuck
into
a
bladder
came
the
heckling
Denson
that
indolent
liberal
minded
sceptic
did
most
of
the
questioning
He
lay
contorted
in
a
chair
with
his
ugly
head
very
low
his
legs
crossed
and
his
left
boot
very
high
and
he
pointed
his
remarks
with
a
long
thin
hand
and
occasionally
adjusted
the
unstable
glasses
that
hid
his
watery
eyes
I
dont
want
to
carp
he
began
The
present
system
I
admit
stands
condemned
Every
present
system
always
HAS
stood
condemned
in
the
minds
of
intelligent
men
But
where
it
seems
to
me
you
get
thin
is
just
where
everybody
has
been
thin
and
thats
when
you
come
to
the
remedy
Socialism
said
Chris
Robinson
as
if
it
answered
everything
and
Hatherleigh
said
Hear
Hear
very
resolutely
I
suppose
I
OUGHT
to
take
that
as
an
answer
said
Denson
getting
his
shoulder
blades
well
down
to
the
seat
of
his
chair
but
I
dont
I
dont
you
know
Its
rather
a
shame
to
cross
examine
you
after
this
fine
address
of
yours
Chris
Robinson
on
the
hearthrug
made
acquiescent
and
inviting
noises
but
the
real
question
remains
how
exactly
are
you
going
to
end
all
these
wrongs
There
are
the
admimstrative
questions
If
you
abolish
the
private
owner
I
admit
you
abolish
a
very
complex
and
clumsy
way
of
getting
businesses
run
land
controlled
and
things
in
general
administered
but
you
dont
get
rid
of
the
need
of
administration
you
know
Democracy
said
Chris
Robinson
Organised
somehow
said
Denson
And
its
just
the
How
perplexes
me
I
can
quite
easily
imagine
a
socialist
state
administered
in
a
sort
of
scrambling
tumult
that
would
be
worse
than
anything
we
have
got
now
Nothing
could
be
worse
than
things
are
now
said
Chris
Robinson
I
have
seen
little
children
I
submit
life
on
an
ill
provisioned
raft
for
example
could
easily
be
worse
or
life
in
a
beleagured
town
Murmurs
They
wrangled
for
some
time
and
it
had
the
effect
upon
me
of
coming
out
from
the
glow
of
a
good
matinee
performance
into
the
cold
daylight
of
late
afternoon
Chris
Robinson
did
not
shine
in
conflict
with
Denson
he
was
an
orator
and
not
a
dialectician
and
he
missed
Densons
points
and
displayed
a
disposition
to
plunge
into
untimely
pathos
and
indignation
And
Denson
hit
me
curiously
hard
with
one
of
his
shafts
Suppose
he
said
you
found
yourself
prime
minister
I
looked
at
Chris
Robinson
bright
eyed
and
his
hair
a
little
ruffled
and
his
whole
being
rhetorical
and
measured
him
against
the
huge
machine
of
government
muddled
and
mysterious
Oh
but
I
was
perplexed
And
then
we
took
him
back
to
Hatherleighs
rooms
and
drank
beer
and
smoked
about
him
while
he
nursed
his
knee
with
hairy
wristed
hands
that
protruded
from
his
flannel
shirt
and
drank
lemonade
under
the
cartoon
of
that
emancipated
Worker
and
we
had
a
great
discursive
talk
with
him
Eh
you
should
see
our
big
meetings
up
north
he
said
Denson
had
ruffled
him
and
worried
him
a
good
deal
and
ever
and
again
he
came
back
to
that
discussion
Its
all
very
easy
for
your
learned
men
to
sit
and
pick
holes
he
said
while
the
children
suffer
and
die
They
dont
pick
holes
up
north
They
mean
business
He
talked
and
that
was
the
most
interesting
part
of
it
all
of
his
going
to
work
in
a
factory
when
he
was
twelve
when
you
Chaps
were
all
with
your
mammies
and
how
he
had
educated
himself
of
nights
until
he
would
fall
asleep
at
his
reading
Its
made
many
of
us
keen
for
all
our
lives
he
remarked
all
that
clemming
for
education
Why
I
longed
all
through
one
winter
to
read
a
bit
of
Darwin
I
must
know
about
this
Darwin
if
I
die
for
it
I
said
And
I
couldno
get
the
book
Hatherleigh
made
an
enthusiastic
noise
and
drank
beer
at
him
with
round
eyes
over
the
mug
Well
anyhow
I
wasted
no
time
on
Greek
and
Latin
said
Chris
Robinson
And
one
learns
to
go
straight
at
a
thing
without
splitting
straws
One
gets
hold
of
the
Elementals
Well
did
they
That
was
the
gist
of
my
perplexity
One
doesnt
quibble
he
said
returning
to
his
rankling
memory
of
Denson
while
men
decay
and
starve
But
suppose
I
said
suddenly
dropping
into
opposition
the
alternatve
is
to
risk
a
worse
disaster
or
do
something
patently
futile
I
dont
follow
that
said
Chris
Robinson
We
dont
propose
anything
futile
so
far
as
I
can
see
6
The
prevailing
force
in
my
undergraduate
days
was
not
Socialism
but
Kiplingism
Our
set
was
quite
exceptional
in
its
socialistic
professions
And
we
were
all
you
must
understand
very
distinctly
Imperialists
also
and
professed
a
vivid
sense
of
the
White
Mans
Burden
It
is
a
little
difficult
now
to
get
back
to
the
feelings
of
that
period
Kipling
has
since
been
so
mercilessly
and
exhaustively
mocked
criticised
and
torn
to
shreds
never
was
a
man
so
violently
exalted
and
then
himself
assisting
so
relentlessly
called
down
But
in
the
middle
nineties
this
spectacled
and
moustached
little
figure
with
its
heavy
chin
and
its
general
effect
of
vehement
gesticulation
its
wild
shouts
of
boyish
enthusiasm
for
effective
force
its
lyric
delight
in
the
sounds
and
colours
in
the
very
odours
of
empire
its
wonderful
discovery
of
machinery
and
cotton
waste
and
the
under
officer
and
the
engineer
and
shop
as
a
poetic
dialect
became
almost
a
national
symbol
He
got
hold
of
us
wonderfully
he
filled
us
with
tinkling
and
haunting
quotations
he
stirred
Britten
and
myself
to
futile
imitations
he
coloured
the
very
idiom
of
our
conversation
He
rose
to
his
climax
with
his
Recessional
while
I
was
still
an
undergraduate
What
did
he
give
me
exactly
He
helped
to
broaden
my
geographical
sense
immensely
and
he
provided
phrases
for
just
that
desire
for
discipline
and
devotion
and
organised
effort
the
Socialism
of
our
time
failed
to
express
that
the
current
socialist
movement
still
fails
I
think
to
express
The
sort
of
thing
that
follows
for
example
tore
something
out
of
my
inmost
nature
and
gave
it
a
shape
and
I
took
it
back
from
him
shaped
and
let
much
of
the
rest
of
him
the
tumult
and
the
bullying
the
hysteria
and
the
impatience
the
incoherence
and
inconsistency
go
uncriticised
for
the
sake
of
it
Keep
ye
the
Law
be
swift
in
all
obedience
Clear
the
land
of
evil
drive
the
road
and
bridge
the
ford
Make
ye
sure
to
each
his
own
That
he
reap
where
he
hath
sown
By
the
peace
among
Our
peoples
let
men
know
we
serve
the
Lord
And
then
again
and
for
all
our
later
criticism
this
sticks
in
my
mind
sticks
there
now
as
quintessential
wisdom
The
eathen
in
is
blindness
bows
down
to
wood
an
stone
E
dont
obey
no
orders
unless
they
is
is
own
E
keeps
is
side
arms
awful
e
leaves
em
all
about
An
then
comes
up
the
regiment
an
pokes
the
eathen
out

All
along
o
dirtiness
all
along
o
mess

All
along
o
doin
things
rather
more
or
less

All
along
of
abby
nay
kul
an
hazar
ho

Mind
you
keep
your
rifle
an
yourself
jus
so
It
is
after
all
a
secondary
matter
that
Kipling
not
having
been
born
and
brought
up
in
Bromstead
and
Penge
and
the
war
in
South
Africa
being
yet
in
the
womb
of
time
could
quite
honestly
entertain
the
now
remarkable
delusion
that
England
had
her
side
arms
at
that
time
kept
anything
but
awful
He
learnt
better
and
we
all
learnt
with
him
in
the
dark
years
of
exasperating
and
humiliating
struggle
that
followed
and
I
do
not
see
that
we
fellow
learners
are
justified
in
turning
resentfully
upon
him
for
a
common
ignorance
and
assumption
South
Africa
seems
always
painted
on
the
back
cloth
of
my
Cambridge
memories
How
immense
those
disasters
seemed
at
the
time
disasters
our
facile
English
world
has
long
since
contrived
in
any
edifying
or
profitable
sense
to
forget
How
we
thrilled
to
the
shouting
newspaper
sellers
as
the
first
false
flush
of
victory
gave
place
to
the
realisation
of
defeat
Far
away
there
our
army
showed
itself
human
mortal
and
human
in
the
sight
of
all
the
world
the
pleasant
officers
we
had
imagined
would
change
to
wonderful
heroes
at
the
first
crackling
of
rifles
remained
the
pleasant
rather
incompetent
men
they
had
always
been
failing
to
imagine
failing
to
plan
and
co
operate
failing
to
grip
And
the
common
soldiers
too
they
were
just
what
our
streets
and
country
side
had
made
them
no
sudden
magic
came
out
of
the
war
bugles
for
them
Neither
splendid
nor
disgraceful
were
they
just
ill
trained
and
fairly
plucky
and
wonderfully
good
tempered
men
paying
for
it
And
how
it
lowered
our
vitality
all
that
first
winter
to
hear
of
Nicholsons
Nek
and
then
presently
close
upon
one
another
to
realise
the
bloody
waste
of
Magersfontein
the
shattering
retreat
from
Stormberg
Colenso
Colenso
that
blundering
battle
with
White
as
it
seemed
in
Ladysmith
near
the
point
of
surrender
and
so
through
the
long
unfolding
catalogue
of
bleak
disillusionments
of
aching
unconcealed
anxiety
lest
worse
should
follow
To
advance
upon
your
enemy
singing
about
his
lack
of
cleanliness
and
method
went
out
of
fashion
altogether
The
dirty
retrogressive
Boer
vanished
from
our
scheme
of
illusion
All
through
my
middle
Cambridge
period
the
guns
boomed
and
the
rifles
crackled
away
there
on
the
veldt
and
the
horsemen
rode
and
the
tale
of
accidents
and
blundering
went
on
Men
mules
horses
stores
and
money
poured
into
South
Africa
and
the
convalescent
wounded
streamed
home
I
see
it
in
my
memory
as
if
I
had
looked
at
it
through
a
window
instead
of
through
the
pages
of
the
illustrated
papers
I
recall
as
if
I
had
been
there
the
wide
open
spaces
the
ragged
hillsides
the
open
order
attacks
of
helmeted
men
in
khaki
the
scarce
visible
smoke
of
the
guns
the
wrecked
trains
in
great
lonely
places
the
burnt
isolated
farms
and
at
last
the
blockhouses
and
the
fences
of
barbed
wire
uncoiling
and
spreading
for
endless
miles
across
the
desert
netting
the
elusive
enemy
until
at
last
though
he
broke
the
meshes
again
and
again
we
had
him
in
the
toils
If
ones
attention
strayed
in
the
lecture
room
it
wandered
to
those
battle
fields
And
that
imagined
panorama
of
war
unfolds
to
an
accompaniment
of
yelling
newsboys
in
the
narrow
old
Cambridge
streets
of
the
flicker
of
papers
hastily
bought
and
torn
open
in
the
twilight
of
the
doubtful
reception
of
doubtful
victories
and
the
insensate
rejoicings
at
last
that
seemed
to
some
of
us
more
shameful
than
defeats
7
A
book
that
stands
out
among
these
memories
that
stimulated
me
immensely
so
that
I
forced
it
upon
my
companions
half
in
the
spirit
of
propaganda
and
half
to
test
it
by
their
comments
was
Merediths
ONE
OF
OUR
CONQUERORS
It
is
one
of
the
books
that
have
made
me
In
that
I
got
a
supplement
and
corrective
of
Kipling
It
was
the
first
detached
and
adverse
criticism
of
the
Englishman
I
had
ever
encountered
It
must
have
been
published
already
nine
or
ten
years
when
I
read
it
The
country
had
paid
no
heed
to
it
had
gone
on
to
the
expensive
lessons
of
the
War
because
of
the
dull
aversion
our
people
feel
for
all
such
intimations
and
so
I
could
read
it
as
a
book
justified
The
war
endorsed
its
every
word
for
me
underlined
each
warning
indication
of
the
gigantic
dangers
that
gathered
against
our
system
across
the
narrow
seas
It
discovered
Europe
to
me
as
watching
and
critical
But
while
I
could
respond
to
all
its
criticisms
of
my
countrys
intellectual
indolence
of
my
countrys
want
of
training
and
discipline
and
moral
courage
I
remember
that
the
idea
that
on
the
continent
there
were
other
peoples
going
ahead
of
us
mentally
alert
while
we
fumbled
disciplined
while
we
slouched
aggressive
and
preparing
to
bring
our
Imperial
pride
to
a
reckoning
was
extremely
novel
and
distasteful
to
me
It
set
me
worrying
of
nights
It
put
all
my
projects
for
social
and
political
reconstruction
upon
a
new
uncomfortable
footing
It
made
them
no
longer
merely
desirable
but
urgent
Instead
of
pride
and
the
love
of
making
one
might
own
to
a
baser
motive
Under
Kiplings
sway
I
had
a
little
forgotten
the
continent
of
Europe
treated
it
as
a
mere
envious
echo
to
our
own
world
wide
display
I
began
now
to
have
a
disturbing
sense
as
it
were
of
busy
searchlights
over
the
horizon
One
consequence
of
the
patriotic
chagrin
Meredith
produced
in
me
was
an
attempt
to
belittle
his
merit
It
isnt
a
good
novel
anyhow
I
said
The
charge
I
brought
against
it
was
I
remember
a
lack
of
unity
It
professed
to
be
a
study
of
the
English
situation
in
the
early
nineties
but
it
was
all
deflected
I
said
and
all
the
interest
was
confused
by
the
story
of
Victor
Radnors
fight
with
society
to
vindicate
the
woman
he
had
loved
and
never
married
Now
in
the
retrospect
and
with
a
mind
full
of
bitter
enlightenment
I
can
do
Meredith
justice
and
admit
the
conflict
was
not
only
essential
but
cardinal
in
his
picture
that
the
terrible
inflexibility
of
the
rich
aunts
and
the
still
more
terrible
claim
of
Mrs
Burman
Radnor
the
infernal
punctilio
and
Dudley
Sowerbys
limitations
were
the
central
substance
of
that
inalertness
the
book
set
itself
to
assail
So
many
things
have
been
brought
together
in
my
mind
that
were
once
remotely
separated
A
people
that
will
not
valiantly
face
and
understand
and
admit
love
and
passion
can
understand
nothing
whatever
But
in
those
days
what
is
now
just
obvious
truth
to
me
was
altogether
outside
my
range
of
comprehension
8
As
I
seek
to
recapitulate
the
interlacing
growth
of
my
apprehension
of
the
world
as
I
flounder
among
the
half
remembered
developments
that
found
me
a
crude
schoolboy
and
left
me
a
man
there
comes
out
as
if
it
stood
for
all
the
rest
my
first
holiday
abroad
That
did
not
happen
until
I
was
twenty
two
I
was
a
fellow
of
Trinity
and
the
Peace
of
Vereeniging
had
just
been
signed
I
went
with
a
man
named
Willersley
a
man
some
years
senior
to
myself
who
had
just
missed
a
fellowship
and
the
higher
division
of
the
Civil
Service
and
who
had
become
an
enthusiastic
member
of
the
London
School
Board
upon
which
the
cumulative
vote
and
the
support
of
the
advanced
people
had
placed
him
He
had
like
myself
a
small
independent
income
that
relieved
him
of
any
necessity
to
earn
a
living
and
he
had
a
kindred
craving
for
social
theorising
and
some
form
of
social
service
He
had
sought
my
acquaintance
after
reading
a
paper
of
mine
begotten
by
the
visit
of
Chris
Robinson
on
the
limits
of
pure
democracy
It
had
marched
with
some
thoughts
of
his
own
We
went
by
train
to
Spiez
on
the
Lake
of
Thun
then
up
the
Gemmi
and
thence
with
one
or
two
halts
and
digressions
and
a
little
modest
climbing
we
crossed
over
by
the
Antrona
pass
on
which
we
were
benighted
into
Italy
and
by
way
of
Domo
Dossola
and
the
Santa
Maria
Maggiore
valley
to
Cannobio
and
thence
up
the
lake
to
Locarno
where
as
I
shall
tell
we
stayed
some
eventful
days
and
so
up
the
Val
Maggia
and
over
to
Airolo
and
home
As
I
write
of
that
long
tramp
of
ours
something
of
its
freshness
and
enlargement
returns
to
me
I
feel
again
the
faint
pleasant
excitement
of
the
boat
train
the
trampling
procession
of
people
with
hand
baggage
and
laden
porters
along
the
platform
of
the
Folkestone
pier
the
scarcely
perceptible
swaying
of
the
moored
boat
beneath
our
feet
Then
very
obvious
and
simple
the
little
emotion
of
standing
out
from
the
homeland
and
seeing
the
long
white
Kentish
cliffs
recede
One
walked
about
the
boat
doing
ones
best
not
to
feel
absurdly
adventurous
and
presently
a
movement
of
people
directed
ones
attention
to
a
white
lighthouse
on
a
cliff
to
the
east
of
us
coming
up
suddenly
and
then
one
turned
to
scan
the
little
different
French
coast
villages
and
then
sliding
by
in
a
pale
sunshine
came
a
long
wooden
pier
with
oddly
dressed
children
upon
it
and
the
clustering
town
of
Boulogne
One
took
it
all
with
the
outward
calm
that
became
a
young
man
of
nearly
three
and
twenty
but
one
was
alive
to
ones
finger
tips
with
pleasing
little
stimulations
The
custom
house
examination
excited
one
the
strangeness
of
a
babble
in
a
foreign
tongue
one
found
the
French
of
City
Merchants
and
Cambridge
a
shy
and
viscous
flow
and
then
one
was
standing
in
the
train
as
it
went
slowly
through
the
rail
laid
street
to
Boulogne
Ville
and
one
looked
out
at
the
world
in
French
porters
in
blouses
workmen
in
enormous
purple
trousers
police
officers
in
peaked
caps
instead
of
helmets
and
romantically
cloaked
big
carts
all
on
two
wheels
instead
of
four
green
shuttered
casements
instead
of
sash
windows
and
great
numbers
of
neatly
dressed
women
in
economical
mourning
Oh
theres
a
priest
one
said
and
was
betrayed
into
suchlike
artless
cries
It
was
a
real
other
world
with
different
government
and
different
methods
and
in
the
night
one
was
roused
from
uneasy
slumbers
and
sat
blinking
and
surly
wrapped
up
in
ones
couverture
and
with
ones
oreiller
all
awry
to
encounter
a
new
social
phenomenon
the
German
official
so
different
in
manner
from
the
British
and
when
one
woke
again
after
that
one
had
come
to
Bale
and
out
one
tumbled
to
get
coffee
in
Switzerland
I
have
been
over
that
route
dozens
of
times
since
but
it
still
revives
a
certain
lingering
youthfulness
a
certain
sense
of
cheerful
release
in
me
I
remember
that
I
and
Willersley
became
very
sociological
as
we
ran
on
to
Spiez
and
made
all
sorts
of
generalisations
from
the
steeply
sloping
fields
on
the
hillsides
and
from
the
people
we
saw
on
platforms
and
from
little
differences
in
the
way
things
were
done
The
clean
prosperity
of
Bale
and
Switzerland
the
big
clean
stations
filled
me
with
patriotic
misgivings
as
I
thought
of
the
vast
dirtiness
of
London
the
mean
dirtiness
of
Cambridgeshire
It
came
to
me
that
perhaps
my
scheme
of
international
values
was
all
wrong
that
quite
stupendous
possibilities
and
challenges
for
us
and
our
empire
might
be
developing
here
and
I
recalled
Merediths
Skepsey
in
France
with
a
new
understanding
Willersley
had
dressed
himself
in
a
world
worn
Norfolk
suit
of
greenish
grey
tweeds
that
ended
unfamiliarly
at
his
rather
impending
spectacled
intellectual
visage
I
didnt
I
remember
like
the
contrast
of
him
with
the
drilled
Swiss
and
Germans
about
us
Convict
coloured
stockings
and
vast
hobnail
boots
finished
him
below
and
all
his
luggage
was
a
borrowed
rucksac
that
he
had
tied
askew
He
did
not
want
to
shave
in
the
train
but
I
made
him
at
one
of
the
Swiss
stations
I
dislike
these
Oxford
slovenlinesses
and
then
confound
him
he
cut
himself
and
bled
Next
morning
we
were
breathing
a
thin
exhilarating
air
that
seemed
to
have
washed
our
very
veins
to
an
incredible
cleanliness
and
eating
hard
boiled
eggs
in
a
vast
clear
space
of
rime
edged
rocks
snow
mottled
above
a
blue
gashed
glacier
All
about
us
the
monstrous
rock
surfaces
rose
towards
the
shining
peaks
above
and
there
were
winding
moraines
from
which
the
ice
had
receded
and
then
dark
clustering
fir
trees
far
below
I
had
an
extraordinary
feeling
of
having
come
out
of
things
of
being
outside
But
this
is
the
round
world
I
said
with
a
sense
of
never
having
perceived
it
before
this
is
the
round
world
9
That
holiday
was
full
of
big
comprehensive
effects
the
first
view
of
the
Rhone
valley
and
the
distant
Valaisian
Alps
for
example
which
we
saw
from
the
shoulder
of
the
mountain
above
the
Gemmi
and
the
early
summer
dawn
breaking
over
Italy
as
we
moved
from
our
nights
crouching
and
munched
bread
and
chocolate
and
stretched
our
stiff
limbs
among
the
tumbled
and
precipitous
rocks
that
hung
over
Lake
Cingolo
and
surveyed
the
winding
tiring
rocky
track
going
down
and
down
to
Antronapiano
And
our
thoughts
were
as
comprehensive
as
our
impressions
Willersleys
mind
abounded
in
historical
matter
he
had
an
inaccurate
abundant
habit
of
topographical
reference
he
made
me
see
and
trace
and
see
again
the
Roman
Empire
sweep
up
these
winding
valleys
and
the
coming
of
the
first
great
Peace
among
the
warring
tribes
of
men
In
the
retrospect
each
of
us
seems
to
have
been
talking
about
our
outlook
almost
continually
Each
of
us
you
see
was
full
of
the
same
question
very
near
and
altogether
predominant
to
us
the
question
What
am
I
going
to
do
with
my
life
He
saw
it
almost
as
importantly
as
I
but
from
a
different
angle
because
his
choice
was
largely
made
and
mine
still
hung
in
the
balance
I
feel
we
might
do
so
many
things
I
said
and
everything
that
calls
one
calls
one
away
from
something
else
Willersley
agreed
without
any
modest
disavowals
We
have
got
to
think
out
he
said
just
what
we
are
and
what
we
are
up
to
Weve
got
to
do
that
now
And
then
its
one
of
those
questions
it
is
inadvisable
to
reopen
subsequently
He
beamed
at
me
through
his
glasses
The
sententious
use
of
long
words
was
a
playful
habit
with
him
that
and
a
slight
deliberate
humour
habits
occasional
Extension
Lecturing
was
doing
very
much
to
intensify
Youve
made
your
decision
He
nodded
with
a
peculiar
forward
movement
of
his
head
How
would
you
put
it
Social
Service
education
Whatever
else
matters
or
doesnt
matter
it
seems
to
me
there
is
one
thing
we
MUST
have
and
increase
and
that
is
the
number
of
people
who
can
think
a
little
and
have
he
beamed
again
an
adequate
sense
of
causation
Youre
sure
its
worth
while
For
me
certainly
I
dont
discuss
that
any
more
I
dont
limit
myself
too
narrowly
he
added
After
all
the
work
is
all
one
We
who
know
we
who
feel
are
building
the
great
modern
state
joining
wall
to
wall
and
way
to
way
the
new
great
England
rising
out
of
the
decaying
old
we
are
the
real
statesmen
I
like
that
use
of
statesmen
Yes
I
said
with
many
doubts
Yes
of
course
Willersley
is
middle
aged
now
with
silver
in
his
hair
and
a
deepening
benevolence
in
his
always
amiable
face
and
he
has
very
fairly
kept
his
word
He
has
lived
for
social
service
and
to
do
vast
masses
of
useful
undistinguished
fertilising
work
Think
of
the
days
of
arid
administrative
plodding
and
of
contention
still
more
arid
and
unrewarded
that
he
must
have
spent
His
little
affectations
of
gesture
and
manner
imitative
affectations
for
the
most
part
have
increased
and
the
humorous
beam
and
the
humorous
intonations
have
become
a
thing
he
puts
on
every
morning
like
an
old
coat
His
devotion
is
mingled
with
a
considerable
whimsicality
and
they
say
he
is
easily
flattered
by
subordinates
and
easily
offended
into
opposition
by
colleagues
he
has
made
mistakes
at
times
and
followed
wrong
courses
still
there
he
is
a
flat
contradiction
to
all
the
ordinary
doctrine
of
motives
a
man
who
has
foregone
any
chances
of
wealth
and
profit
foregone
any
easier
paths
to
distinction
foregone
marriage
and
parentage
in
order
to
serve
the
community
He
does
it
without
any
fee
or
reward
except
his
personal
self
satisfaction
in
doing
this
work
and
he
does
it
without
any
hope
of
future
joys
and
punishments
for
he
is
an
implacable
Rationalist
No
doubt
he
idealises
himself
a
little
and
dreams
of
recognition
No
doubt
he
gets
his
pleasure
from
a
sense
of
power
from
the
spending
and
husbanding
of
large
sums
of
public
money
and
from
the
inevitable
proprietorship
he
must
feel
in
the
fair
fine
well
ordered
schools
he
has
done
so
much
to
develop
But
for
me
he
can
say
there
would
have
been
a
Job
about
those
diagrams
and
that
subject
or
this
would
have
been
less
ably
taught
The
fact
remains
that
for
him
the
rewards
have
been
adequate
if
not
to
content
at
any
rate
to
keep
him
working
Of
course
he
covets
the
notice
of
the
world
he
has
served
as
a
lover
covets
the
notice
of
his
mistress
Of
course
he
thinks
somewhere
somewhen
he
will
get
credit
Only
last
year
I
heard
some
men
talking
of
him
and
they
were
noting
with
little
mean
smiles
how
he
had
shown
himself
self
conscious
while
there
was
talk
of
some
honorary
degree
giving
or
other
it
would
I
have
no
doubt
please
him
greatly
if
his
work
were
to
flower
into
a
crimson
gown
in
some
Academic
parterre
Why
shouldnt
it
But
that
is
incidental
vanity
at
the
worst
he
goes
on
anyhow
Most
men
dont
But
we
had
our
walk
twenty
years
and
more
ago
now
He
was
oldish
even
then
as
a
young
man
just
as
he
is
oldish
still
in
middle
age
Long
may
his
industrious
elderliness
flourish
for
the
good
of
the
world
He
lectured
a
little
in
conversation
then
he
lectures
more
now
and
listens
less
toilsomely
disentangling
what
you
already
understand
giving
you
in
detail
the
data
you
know
these
are
things
like
callosities
that
come
from
a
mans
work
Our
long
three
weeks
talk
comes
back
to
me
as
a
memory
of
ideas
and
determinations
slowly
growing
all
mixed
up
with
a
smell
of
wood
smoke
and
pine
woods
and
huge
precipices
and
remote
gleams
of
snow
fields
and
the
sound
of
cascading
torrents
rushing
through
deep
gorges
far
below
It
is
mixed
too
with
gossips
with
waitresses
and
fellow
travellers
with
my
first
essays
in
colloquial
German
and
Italian
with
disputes
about
the
way
to
take
and
other
things
that
I
will
tell
of
in
another
section
But
the
white
passion
of
human
service
was
our
dominant
theme
Not
simply
perhaps
nor
altogether
unselfishly
but
quite
honestly
and
with
at
least
a
frequent
self
forgetfulness
did
we
want
to
do
fine
and
noble
things
to
help
in
their
developing
to
lessen
misery
to
broaden
and
exalt
life
It
is
very
hard
perhaps
it
is
impossible
to
present
in
a
page
or
two
the
substance
and
quality
of
nearly
a
months
conversation
conversation
that
is
casual
and
discursive
in
form
that
ranges
carelessly
from
triviality
to
immensity
and
yet
is
constantly
resuming
a
constructive
process
as
workmen
on
a
wall
loiter
and
jest
and
go
and
come
back
and
all
the
while
build
We
got
it
more
and
more
definite
that
the
core
of
our
purpose
beneath
all
its
varied
aspects
must
needs
be
order
and
discipline
Muddle
said
I
is
the
enemy
That
remains
my
belief
to
this
day
Clearness
and
order
light
and
foresight
these
things
I
know
for
Good
It
was
muddle
had
just
given
us
all
the
still
freshly
painful
disasters
and
humiliations
of
the
war
muddle
that
gives
us
the
visibly
sprawling
disorder
of
our
cities
and
industrial
country
side
muddle
that
gives
us
the
waste
of
life
the
limitations
wretchedness
and
unemployment
of
the
poor
Muddle
I
remember
myself
quoting
Kipling

All
along
o
dirtiness
all
along
o
mess

All
along
o
doin
things
rather
more
or
less
We
build
the
state
we
said
over
and
over
again
That
is
what
we
are
for
servants
of
the
new
reorganisation
We
planned
half
in
earnest
and
half
Utopianising
a
League
of
Social
Service
We
talked
of
the
splendid
world
of
men
that
might
grow
out
of
such
unpaid
and
ill
paid
work
as
we
were
setting
our
faces
to
do
We
spoke
of
the
intricate
difficulties
the
monstrous
passive
resistances
the
hostilities
to
such
a
development
as
we
conceived
our
work
subserved
and
we
spoke
with
that
underlying
confidence
in
the
invincibility
of
the
causes
we
adopted
that
is
natural
to
young
and
scarcely
tried
men
We
talked
much
of
the
detailed
life
of
politics
so
far
as
it
was
known
to
us
and
there
Willersley
was
more
experienced
and
far
better
informed
than
I
we
discussed
possible
combinations
and
possible
developments
and
the
chances
of
some
great
constructive
movement
coming
from
the
heart
searchings
the
Boer
war
had
occasioned
We
would
sink
to
gossip
even
at
the
Suetonius
level
Willersley
would
decline
towards
illuminating
anecdotes
that
I
capped
more
or
less
loosely
from
my
private
reading
We
were
particularly
wise
I
remember
upon
the
management
of
newspapers
because
about
that
we
knew
nothing
whatever
We
perceived
that
great
things
were
to
be
done
through
newspapers
We
talked
of
swaying
opinion
and
moving
great
classes
to
massive
action
Men
are
egotistical
even
in
devotion
All
our
splendid
projects
were
thickset
with
the
first
personal
pronoun
We
both
could
write
and
all
that
we
said
in
general
terms
was
reflected
in
the
particular
in
our
minds
it
was
ourselves
we
saw
and
no
others
writing
and
speaking
that
moving
word
We
had
already
produced
manuscript
and
passed
the
initiations
of
proof
reading
I
had
been
a
frequent
speaker
in
the
Union
and
Willersley
was
an
active
man
on
the
School
Board
Our
feet
were
already
on
the
lower
rungs
that
led
up
and
up
He
was
six
and
twenty
and
I
twenty
two
We
intimated
our
individual
careers
in
terms
of
bold
expectation
I
had
prophetic
glimpses
of
walls
and
hoardings
clamorous
with
Vote
for
Remington
and
Willersley
no
doubt
saw
himself
chairman
of
this
committee
and
that
saying
a
few
slightly
ironical
words
after
the
declaration
of
the
poll
and
then
sitting
friendly
beside
me
on
the
government
benches
There
was
nothing
impossible
in
such
dreams
Why
not
the
Board
of
Education
for
him
My
preference
at
that
time
wavered
between
the
Local
Government
Board
I
had
great
ideas
about
town
planning
about
revisions
of
municipal
areas
and
re
organised
internal
transit
and
the
War
Office
I
swayed
strongly
towards
the
latter
as
the
journey
progressed
My
educational
bias
came
later
The
swelling
ambitions
that
have
tramped
over
Alpine
passes
How
many
of
them
like
mine
have
come
almost
within
sight
of
realisation
before
they
failed
There
were
times
when
we
posed
like
young
gods
of
unassuming
exterior
and
times
when
we
were
full
of
the
absurdest
little
solicitudes
about
our
prospects
There
were
times
when
one
surveyed
the
whole
world
of
men
as
if
it
was
a
little
thing
at
ones
feet
and
by
way
of
contrast
I
remember
once
lying
in
bed
it
must
have
been
during
this
holiday
though
I
cannot
for
the
life
of
me
fix
where
and
speculating
whether
perhaps
some
day
I
might
not
be
a
K
C
B
Sir
Richard
Remington
K
C
B
M
P
But
the
big
style
prevailed
We
could
not
tell
from
minute
to
minute
whether
we
were
planning
for
a
world
of
solid
reality
or
telling
ourselves
fairy
tales
about
this
prospect
of
life
So
much
seemed
possible
and
everything
we
could
think
of
so
improbable
There
were
lapses
when
it
seemed
to
me
I
could
never
be
anything
but
just
the
entirely
unimportant
and
undistinguished
young
man
I
was
for
ever
and
ever
I
couldnt
even
think
of
myself
as
five
and
thirty
Once
I
remember
Willersley
going
over
a
list
of
failures
and
why
they
had
failed
but
young
men
in
the
twenties
do
not
know
much
about
failures
10
Willersley
and
I
professed
ourselves
Socialists
but
by
this
time
I
knew
my
Rodbertus
as
well
as
my
Marx
and
there
was
much
in
our
socialism
that
would
have
shocked
Chris
Robinson
as
much
as
anything
in
life
could
have
shocked
him
Socialism
as
a
simple
democratic
cry
we
had
done
with
for
ever
We
were
socialists
because
Individualism
for
us
meant
muddle
meant
a
crowd
of
separated
undisciplined
little
people
all
obstinately
and
ignorantly
doing
things
jarringly
each
one
in
his
own
way
Each
I
said
quoting
words
of
my
fathers
that
rose
apt
in
my
memory
snarling
from
his
own
little
bit
of
property
like
a
dog
tied
to
a
carts
tail
Essentially
said
Willersley
essentially
were
for
conscription
in
peace
and
war
alike
The
man
who
owns
property
is
a
public
official
and
has
to
behave
as
such
Thats
the
gist
of
socialism
as
I
understand
it
Or
be
dismissed
from
his
post
I
said
and
replaced
by
some
better
sort
of
official
A
mans
none
the
less
an
official
because
hes
irresponsible
What
he
does
with
his
property
affects
people
just
the
same
Private
No
one
is
really
private
but
an
outlaw
Order
and
devotion
were
the
very
essence
of
our
socialism
and
a
splendid
collective
vigour
and
happiness
its
end
We
projected
an
ideal
state
an
organised
state
as
confident
and
powerful
as
modern
science
as
balanced
and
beautiful
as
a
body
as
beneficent
as
sunshine
the
organised
state
that
should
end
muddle
for
ever
it
ruled
all
our
ideals
and
gave
form
to
all
our
ambitions
Every
man
was
to
be
definitely
related
to
that
to
have
his
predominant
duty
to
that
Such
was
the
England
renewed
we
had
in
mind
and
how
to
serve
that
end
to
subdue
undisciplined
worker
and
undisciplined
wealth
to
it
and
make
the
Scientific
Commonweal
King
was
the
continuing
substance
of
our
intercourse
11
Every
day
the
wine
of
the
mountains
was
stronger
in
our
blood
and
the
flush
of
our
youth
deeper
We
would
go
in
the
morning
sunlight
along
some
narrow
Alpine
mule
path
shouting
large
suggestions
for
national
re
organisation
and
weighing
considerations
as
lightly
as
though
the
world
was
wax
in
our
hands
Great
England
we
said
in
effect
over
and
over
again
and
we
will
be
among
the
makers
England
renewed
The
country
has
been
warned
it
has
learnt
its
lesson
The
disasters
and
anxieties
of
the
war
have
sunk
in
England
has
become
serious
Oh
there
are
big
things
before
us
to
do
big
enduring
things
One
evening
we
walked
up
to
the
loggia
of
a
little
pilgrimage
church
I
forget
its
name
that
stands
out
on
a
conical
hill
at
the
head
of
a
winding
stair
above
the
town
of
Locarno
Down
below
the
houses
clustered
amidst
a
confusion
of
heat
bitten
greenery
I
had
been
sitting
silently
on
the
parapet
looking
across
to
the
purple
mountain
masses
where
Switzerland
passes
into
Italy
and
the
drift
of
our
talk
seemed
suddenly
to
gather
to
a
head
I
broke
into
speech
giving
form
to
the
thoughts
that
had
been
accumulating
My
words
have
long
since
passed
out
of
my
memory
the
phrases
of
familiar
expression
have
altered
for
me
but
the
substance
remains
as
clear
as
ever
I
said
how
we
were
in
our
measure
emperors
and
kings
men
undriven
free
to
do
as
we
pleased
with
life
we
classed
among
the
happy
ones
our
bread
and
common
necessities
were
given
us
for
nothing
we
had
abilities
it
wasnt
modesty
but
cowardice
to
behave
as
if
we
hadnt
and
Fortune
watched
us
to
see
what
we
might
do
with
opportunity
and
the
world
There
are
so
many
things
to
do
you
see
began
Willersley
in
his
judicial
lecturers
voice
So
many
things
we
may
do
I
interrupted
with
all
these
years
before
us
Were
exceptional
men
Its
our
place
our
duty
to
do
things
Here
anyhow
I
said
answering
the
faint
amusement
of
his
face
Ive
got
no
modesty
Everything
conspires
to
set
me
up
Why
should
I
run
about
like
all
those
grubby
little
beasts
down
there
seeking
nothing
but
mean
little
vanities
and
indulgencies
and
then
take
credit
for
modesty
I
KNOW
I
am
capable
I
KNOW
I
have
imagination
Modesty
I
know
if
I
dont
attempt
the
very
biggest
things
in
life
I
am
a
damned
shirk
The
very
biggest
Somebody
has
to
attempt
them
I
feel
like
a
loaded
gun
that
is
only
a
little
perplexed
because
it
has
to
find
out
just
where
to
aim
itself
The
lake
and
the
frontier
villages
a
white
puff
of
steam
on
the
distant
railway
to
Luino
the
busy
boats
and
steamers
trailing
triangular
wakes
of
foam
the
long
vista
eastward
towards
battlemented
Bellinzona
the
vast
mountain
distances
now
tinged
with
sunset
light
behind
this
nearer
landscape
and
the
southward
waters
with
remote
coast
towns
shining
dimly
waters
that
merged
at
last
in
a
luminous
golden
haze
made
a
broad
panoramic
spectacle
It
was
as
if
one
surveyed
the
world
and
it
was
like
the
games
I
used
to
set
out
upon
my
nursery
floor
I
was
exalted
by
it
I
felt
larger
than
men
So
kings
should
feel
That
sense
of
largness
came
to
me
then
and
it
has
come
to
me
since
again
and
again
a
splendid
intimation
or
a
splendid
vanity
Once
I
remember
when
I
looked
at
Genoa
from
the
mountain
crest
behind
the
town
and
saw
that
multitudinous
place
in
all
its
beauty
of
width
and
abundance
and
clustering
human
effort
and
once
as
I
was
steaming
past
the
brown
low
hills
of
Staten
Island
towards
the
towering
vigour
and
clamorous
vitality
of
New
York
City
that
mood
rose
to
its
quintessence
And
once
it
came
to
me
as
I
shall
tell
on
Dover
cliffs
And
a
hundred
times
when
I
have
thought
of
England
as
our
country
might
be
with
no
wretched
poor
no
wretched
rich
a
nation
armed
and
ordered
trained
and
purposeful
amidst
its
vales
and
rivers
that
emotion
of
collective
ends
and
collective
purposes
has
returned
to
me
I
felt
as
great
as
humanity
For
a
brief
moment
I
was
humanity
looking
at
the
world
I
had
made
and
had
still
to
make
12
And
mingled
with
these
dreams
of
power
and
patriotic
service
there
was
another
series
of
a
different
quality
and
a
different
colour
like
the
antagonistic
colour
of
a
shot
silk
The
white
life
and
the
red
life
contrasted
and
interchanged
passing
swiftly
at
a
turn
from
one
to
another
and
refusing
ever
to
mingle
peacefully
one
with
the
other
I
was
asking
myself
openly
and
distinctly
what
are
you
going
to
do
for
the
world
What
are
you
going
to
do
with
yourself
and
with
an
increasing
strength
and
persistence
Nature
in
spite
of
my
averted
attention
was
asking
me
in
penetrating
undertones
what
are
you
going
to
do
about
this
other
fundamental
matter
the
beauty
of
girls
and
women
and
your
desire
for
them
I
have
told
of
my
sisterless
youth
and
the
narrow
circumstances
of
my
upbringing
It
made
all
women
kind
mysterious
to
me
If
it
had
not
been
for
my
Staffordshire
cousins
I
do
not
think
I
should
have
known
any
girls
at
all
until
I
was
twenty
Of
Staffordshire
I
will
tell
a
little
later
But
I
can
remember
still
how
through
all
those
ripening
years
the
thought
of
womens
beauty
their
magic
presence
in
the
world
beside
me
and
the
unknown
untried
reactions
of
their
intercourse
grew
upon
me
and
grew
as
a
strange
presence
grows
in
a
room
when
one
is
occupied
by
other
things
I
busied
myself
and
pretended
to
be
wholly
occupied
and
there
the
woman
stood
full
half
of
life
neglected
and
it
seemed
to
my
averted
mind
sometimes
that
she
was
there
clad
and
dignified
and
divine
and
sometimes
Aphrodite
shining
and
commanding
and
sometimes
that
Venus
who
stoops
and
allures
This
travel
abroad
seemed
to
have
released
a
multitude
of
things
in
my
mind
the
clear
air
the
beauty
of
the
sunshine
the
very
blue
of
the
glaciers
made
me
feel
my
body
and
quickened
all
those
disregarded
dreams
I
saw
the
sheathed
beauty
of
womens
forms
all
about
me
in
the
cheerful
waitresses
at
the
inns
in
the
pedestrians
one
encountered
in
the
tracks
in
the
chance
fellow
travellers
at
the
hotel
tables
Confound
it
said
I
and
talked
all
the
more
zealously
of
that
greater
England
that
was
calling
us
I
remember
that
we
passed
two
Germans
an
old
man
and
a
tall
fair
girl
father
and
daughter
who
were
walking
down
from
Saas
She
came
swinging
and
shining
towards
us
easy
and
strong
I
worshipped
her
as
she
approached
Gut
Tag
said
Willersley
removing
his
hat
Morgen
said
the
old
man
saluting
I
stared
stockishly
at
the
girl
who
passed
with
an
indifferent
face
That
sticks
in
my
mind
as
a
picture
remains
in
a
room
it
has
kept
there
bright
and
fresh
as
a
thing
seen
yesterday
for
twenty
years
I
flirted
hesitatingly
once
or
twice
with
comely
serving
girls
and
was
a
little
ashamed
lest
Willersley
should
detect
the
keen
interest
I
took
in
them
and
then
as
we
came
over
the
pass
from
Santa
Maria
Maggiore
to
Cannobio
my
secret
preoccupation
took
me
by
surprise
and
flooded
me
and
broke
down
my
pretences
The
women
in
that
valley
are
very
beautiful
women
vary
from
valley
to
valley
in
the
Alps
and
are
plain
and
squat
here
and
divinities
five
miles
away
and
as
we
came
down
we
passed
a
group
of
five
or
six
of
them
resting
by
the
wayside
Their
burthens
were
beside
them
and
one
like
Ceres
held
a
reaping
hook
in
her
brown
hand
She
watched
us
approaching
and
smiled
faintly
her
eyes
at
mine
There
was
some
greeting
and
two
of
them
laughed
together
We
passed
Glorious
girls
they
were
said
Willersley
and
suddenly
an
immense
sense
of
boredom
enveloped
me
I
saw
myself
striding
on
down
that
winding
road
talking
of
politics
and
parties
and
bills
of
parliament
and
all
sorts
of
dessicated
things
That
road
seemed
to
me
to
wind
on
for
ever
down
to
dust
and
infinite
dreariness
I
knew
it
for
a
way
of
death
Reality
was
behind
us
Willersley
set
himself
to
draw
a
sociological
moral
Im
not
so
sure
he
said
in
a
voice
of
intense
discriminations
after
all
that
agricultural
work
isnt
good
for
women
Damn
agricultural
work
I
said
and
broke
out
into
a
vigorous
cursing
of
all
I
held
dear
Fettered
things
we
are
I
cried
I
wonder
why
I
stand
it
Stand
what
Why
dont
I
go
back
and
make
love
to
those
girls
and
let
the
world
and
you
and
everything
go
hang
Deep
breasts
and
rounded
limbs
and
we
poor
emasculated
devils
go
tramping
by
with
the
blood
of
youth
in
us
Im
not
quite
sure
Remington
said
Willersley
looking
at
me
with
a
deliberately
quaint
expression
over
his
glasses
that
picturesque
scenery
is
altogether
good
for
your
morals
That
fever
was
still
in
my
blood
when
we
came
to
Locarno
13
Along
the
hot
and
dusty
lower
road
between
the
Orrido
of
Traffiume
and
Cannobio
Willersley
had
developed
his
first
blister
And
partly
because
of
that
and
partly
because
there
was
a
bag
at
the
station
that
gave
us
the
refreshment
of
clean
linen
and
partly
because
of
the
lazy
lower
air
into
which
we
had
come
we
decided
upon
three
or
four
days
sojourn
in
the
Empress
Hotel
We
dined
that
night
at
a
table
dhote
and
I
found
myself
next
to
an
Englishwoman
who
began
a
conversation
that
was
resumed
presently
in
the
hotel
lounge
She
was
a
woman
of
perhaps
thirty
three
or
thirty
four
slenderly
built
with
a
warm
reddish
skin
and
very
abundant
fair
golden
hair
the
wife
of
a
petulant
looking
heavy
faced
man
of
perhaps
fifty
three
who
smoked
a
cigar
and
dozed
over
his
coffee
and
presently
went
to
bed
He
always
goes
to
bed
like
that
she
confided
startlingly
He
sleeps
after
all
his
meals
I
never
knew
such
a
man
to
sleep
Then
she
returned
to
our
talk
whatever
it
was
We
had
begun
at
the
dinner
table
with
itineraries
and
the
usual
topographical
talk
and
she
had
envied
our
pedestrian
travel
My
husband
doesnt
walk
she
said
His
heart
is
weak
and
he
cannot
manage
the
hills
There
was
something
friendly
and
adventurous
in
her
manner
she
conveyed
she
liked
me
and
when
presently
Willersley
drifted
off
to
write
letters
our
talk
sank
at
once
to
easy
confidential
undertones
I
felt
enterprising
and
indeed
it
is
easy
to
be
daring
with
people
one
has
never
seen
before
and
may
never
see
again
I
said
I
loved
beautiful
scenery
and
all
beautiful
things
and
the
pointing
note
in
my
voice
made
her
laugh
She
told
me
I
had
bold
eyes
and
so
far
as
I
can
remember
I
said
she
made
them
bold
Blue
they
are
she
remarked
smiling
archly
I
like
blue
eyes
Then
I
think
we
compared
ages
and
she
said
she
was
the
Woman
of
Thirty
George
Moores
Woman
of
Thirty
I
had
not
read
George
Moore
at
the
time
but
I
pretended
to
understand
That
I
think
was
our
limit
that
evening
She
went
to
bed
smiling
good
night
quite
prettily
down
the
big
staircase
and
I
and
Willersley
went
out
to
smoke
in
the
garden
My
head
was
full
of
her
and
I
found
it
necessary
to
talk
about
her
So
I
made
her
a
problem
in
sociology
Who
the
deuce
are
these
people
I
said
and
how
do
they
get
a
living
They
seem
to
have
plenty
of
money
He
strikes
me
as
being
Willersley
what
is
a
drysalter
I
think
hes
a
retired
drysalter
Willersley
theorised
while
I
thought
of
the
woman
and
that
provocative
quality
of
dash
she
had
displayed
The
next
day
at
lunch
she
and
I
met
like
old
friends
A
huge
mass
of
private
thinking
during
the
interval
had
been
added
to
our
effect
upon
one
another
We
talked
for
a
time
of
insignificant
things
What
do
you
do
she
asked
rather
quickly
after
lunch
Take
a
siesta
Sometimes
I
said
and
hung
for
a
moment
eye
to
eye
We
hadnt
a
doubt
of
each
other
but
my
heart
was
beating
like
a
steamer
propeller
when
it
lifts
out
of
the
water
Do
you
get
a
view
from
your
room
she
asked
after
a
pause
Its
on
the
third
floor
Number
seventeen
near
the
staircase
My
friends
next
door
She
began
to
talk
of
books
She
was
interested
in
Christian
Science
she
said
and
spoke
of
a
book
I
forget
altogether
what
that
book
was
called
though
I
remember
to
this
day
with
the
utmost
exactness
the
purplish
magenta
of
its
cover
She
said
she
would
lend
it
to
me
and
hesitated
Wlllersley
wanted
to
go
for
an
expedition
across
the
lake
that
afternoon
but
I
refused
He
made
some
other
proposals
that
I
rejected
abruptly
I
shall
write
in
my
room
I
said
Why
not
write
down
here
I
shall
write
in
my
room
I
snarled
like
a
thwarted
animal
and
he
looked
at
me
curiously
Very
well
he
said
then
Ill
make
some
notes
and
think
about
that
order
of
ours
out
under
the
magnolias
I
hovered
about
the
lounge
for
a
time
buying
postcards
and
feverishly
restless
watching
the
movements
of
the
other
people
Finally
I
went
up
to
my
room
and
sat
down
by
the
windows
staring
out
There
came
a
little
tap
at
the
unlocked
door
and
in
an
instant
like
the
go
of
a
taut
bowstring
I
was
up
and
had
it
open
Here
is
that
book
she
said
and
we
hesitated
COME
IN
I
whispered
trembling
from
head
to
foot
Youre
just
a
boy
she
said
in
a
low
tone
I
did
not
feel
a
bit
like
a
lover
I
felt
like
a
burglar
with
the
safe
door
nearly
opened
Come
in
I
said
almost
impatiently
for
anyone
might
be
in
the
passage
and
I
gripped
her
wrist
and
drew
her
towards
me
What
do
you
mean
she
answered
with
a
faint
smile
on
her
lips
and
awkward
and
yielding
I
shut
the
door
behind
her
still
holding
her
with
one
hand
then
turned
upon
her
she
was
laughing
nervously
and
without
a
word
drew
her
to
me
and
kissed
her
And
I
remember
that
as
I
kissed
her
she
made
a
little
noise
almost
like
the
purring
miaow
with
which
a
cat
will
greet
one
and
her
face
close
to
mine
became
solemn
and
tender
She
was
suddenly
a
different
being
from
the
discontented
wife
who
had
tapped
a
moment
since
on
my
door
a
woman
transfigured
That
evening
I
came
down
to
dinner
a
monster
of
pride
for
behold
I
was
a
man
I
felt
myself
the
most
wonderful
and
unprecedented
of
adventurers
It
was
hard
to
believe
that
any
one
in
the
world
before
had
done
as
much
My
mistress
and
I
met
smiling
we
carried
things
off
admirably
and
it
seemed
to
me
that
Willersley
was
the
dullest
old
dog
in
the
world
I
wanted
to
give
him
advice
I
wanted
to
give
him
derisive
pokes
After
dinner
and
coffee
in
the
lounge
I
was
too
excited
and
hilarious
to
go
to
bed
I
made
him
come
with
me
down
to
the
cafe
under
the
arches
by
the
pier
and
there
drank
beer
and
talked
extravagant
nonsense
about
everything
under
the
sun
in
order
not
to
talk
about
the
happenings
of
the
afternoon
All
the
time
something
shouted
within
me
I
am
a
man
I
am
a
man
What
shall
we
do
to
morrow
said
he
Im
for
loafing
I
said
Lets
row
in
the
morning
and
spend
to
morrow
afternoon
just
as
we
did
to
day
They
say
the
church
behind
the
town
is
worth
seeing
Well
go
up
about
sunset
thats
the
best
time
for
it
We
can
start
about
five
We
heard
music
and
went
further
along
the
arcade
to
discover
a
place
where
girls
in
operatic
Swiss
peasant
costume
were
singing
and
dancing
on
a
creaking
protesting
little
stage
I
eyed
their
generous
display
of
pink
neck
and
arm
with
the
seasoned
eye
of
a
man
who
has
lived
in
the
world
Life
was
perfectly
simple
and
easy
I
felt
if
one
took
it
the
right
way
Next
day
Willersley
wanted
to
go
on
but
I
delayed
Altogether
I
kept
him
back
four
days
Then
abruptly
my
mood
changed
and
we
decided
to
start
early
the
following
morning
I
remember
though
a
little
indistinctly
the
feeling
of
my
last
talk
with
that
woman
whose
surname
odd
as
it
may
seem
either
I
never
learnt
or
I
have
forgotten
Her
christian
name
was
Milly
She
was
tired
and
rather
low
spirited
and
disposed
to
be
sentimental
and
for
the
first
time
in
our
intercourse
I
found
myself
liking
her
for
the
sake
of
her
own
personality
There
was
something
kindly
and
generous
appearing
behind
the
veil
of
naive
and
uncontrolled
sensuality
she
had
worn
There
was
a
curious
quality
of
motherliness
in
her
attitude
to
me
that
something
in
my
nature
answered
and
approved
She
didnt
pretend
to
keep
it
up
that
she
had
yielded
to
my
initiative
Ive
done
you
no
harm
she
said
a
little
doubtfully
an
odd
note
for
a
mans
victim
And
weve
had
a
good
time
You
have
liked
me
havent
you
She
interested
me
in
her
lonely
dissatisfied
life
she
was
childless
and
had
no
hope
of
children
and
her
husband
was
the
only
son
of
a
rich
meat
salesman
very
mean
a
mighty
smoker
he
reeks
of
it
she
said
always
and
interested
in
nothing
but
golf
billiards
which
he
played
very
badly
pigeon
shooting
convivial
Free
Masonry
and
Stock
Exchange
punting
Mostly
they
drifted
about
the
Riviera
Her
mother
had
contrived
her
marriage
when
she
was
eighteen
They
were
the
first
samples
I
ever
encountered
of
the
great
multitude
of
functionless
property
owners
which
encumbers
modern
civilisation
but
at
the
time
I
didnt
think
much
of
that
aspect
of
them
I
tell
all
this
business
as
it
happened
without
comment
because
I
have
no
comment
to
make
It
was
all
strange
to
me
strange
rather
than
wonderful
and
it
may
be
some
dream
of
beauty
died
for
ever
in
those
furtive
meetings
it
happened
to
me
and
I
could
scarcely
have
been
more
irresponsible
in
the
matter
or
controlled
events
less
if
I
had
been
suddenly
pushed
over
a
cliff
into
water
I
swam
of
course
finding
myself
in
it
Things
tested
me
and
I
reacted
as
I
have
told
The
bloom
of
my
innocence
if
ever
there
had
been
such
a
thing
was
gone
And
here
is
the
remarkable
thing
about
it
at
the
time
and
for
some
days
I
was
over
weeningly
proud
I
have
never
been
so
proud
before
or
since
I
felt
I
had
been
promoted
to
virility
I
was
unable
to
conceal
my
exultation
from
Willersley
It
was
a
mood
of
shining
shameless
ungracious
self
approval
As
he
and
I
went
along
in
the
cool
morning
sunshine
by
the
rice
fields
in
the
throat
of
the
Val
Maggia
a
silence
fell
between
us
You
know
I
said
abruptly
about
that
woman
Willersley
did
not
answer
for
a
moment
He
looked
at
me
over
the
corner
of
his
spectacles
Things
went
pretty
far
he
asked
Oh
all
the
way
and
I
had
a
twinge
of
fatuous
pride
in
my
unpremeditated
achievement
She
came
to
your
room
I
nodded
I
heard
her
I
heard
her
whispering
The
whispering
and
rustling
and
so
on
I
was
in
my
room
yesterday
Any
one
might
have
heard
you
I
went
on
with
my
head
in
the
air
You
might
have
been
caught
and
that
would
have
meant
endless
trouble
You
might
have
incurred
all
sorts
of
consequences
What
did
you
know
about
her
We
have
wasted
four
days
in
that
hot
close
place
When
we
found
that
League
of
Social
Service
we
were
talking
about
he
said
with
a
determined
eye
upon
me
chastity
will
be
first
among
the
virtues
prescribed
I
shall
form
a
rival
league
I
said
a
little
damped
Im
hanged
if
I
give
up
a
single
desire
in
me
until
I
know
why
He
lifted
his
chin
and
stared
before
him
through
his
glasses
at
nothing
There
are
some
things
he
said
that
a
man
who
means
to
work
to
do
great
public
services
MUST
turn
his
back
upon
Im
not
discussing
the
rights
or
wrongs
of
this
sort
of
thing
It
happens
to
be
the
conditions
we
work
under
It
will
probably
always
be
so
If
you
want
to
experiment
in
that
way
if
you
want
even
to
discuss
it
out
you
go
from
political
life
You
must
know
thats
so
Youre
a
strange
man
Remington
with
a
kind
of
kink
in
you
Youve
a
sort
of
force
You
might
happen
to
do
immense
things
Only
He
stopped
He
had
said
all
that
he
had
forced
himself
to
say
I
mean
to
take
myself
as
I
am
I
said
Im
going
to
get
experience
for
humanity
out
of
all
my
talents
and
bury
nothing
Willersley
twisted
his
face
to
its
humorous
expression
I
doubt
if
sexual
proclivities
he
said
drily
come
within
the
scope
of
the
parable
I
let
that
go
for
a
little
while
Then
I
broke
out
Sex
said
I
is
a
fundamental
thing
in
life
We
went
through
all
this
at
Trinity
Im
going
to
look
at
it
experience
it
think
about
it
and
get
it
square
with
the
rest
of
life
Career
and
Politics
must
take
their
chances
of
that
Its
part
of
the
general
English
slackness
that
they
wont
look
this
in
the
face
Gods
what
a
muffled
time
were
coming
out
of
Sex
means
breeding
and
breeding
is
a
necessary
function
in
a
nation
The
Romans
broke
up
upon
that
The
Americans
fade
out
amidst
their
successes
Eugenics
THAT
wasnt
Eugenics
said
Willersley
It
was
a
woman
I
said
after
a
little
interval
feeling
oddly
that
I
had
failed
altogether
to
answer
him
and
yet
had
a
strong
dumb
case
against
him
BOOK
THE
SECOND
MARGARET
CHAPTER
THE
FIRST
MARGARET
IN
STAFFORDSHIRE
1
I
must
go
back
a
little
way
with
my
story
In
the
previous
book
I
have
described
the
kind
of
education
that
happens
to
a
man
of
my
class
nowadays
and
it
has
been
convenient
to
leap
a
phase
in
my
experience
that
I
must
now
set
out
at
length
I
want
to
tell
in
this
second
hook
how
I
came
to
marry
and
to
do
that
I
must
give
something
of
the
atmosphere
in
which
I
first
met
my
wife
and
some
intimations
of
the
forces
that
went
to
her
making
I
met
her
in
Staffordshire
while
I
was
staying
with
that
uncle
of
whom
I
have
already
spoken
the
uncle
who
sold
my
fathers
houses
and
settled
my
mother
in
Penge
Margaret
was
twenty
then
and
I
was
twenty
two
It
was
just
before
the
walking
tour
in
Switzerland
that
opened
up
so
much
of
the
world
to
me
I
saw
her
once
for
an
afternoon
and
circumstances
so
threw
her
up
in
relief
that
I
formed
a
very
vivid
memory
of
her
She
was
in
the
sharpest
contrast
with
the
industrial
world
about
her
she
impressed
me
as
a
dainty
blue
flower
might
do
come
upon
suddenly
on
a
clinker
heap
She
remained
in
my
mind
at
once
a
perplexing
interrogation
and
a
symbol
But
first
I
must
tell
of
my
Staffordshire
cousins
and
the
world
that
served
as
a
foil
for
her
2
I
first
went
to
stay
with
my
cousins
when
I
was
an
awkward
youth
of
sixteen
wearing
deep
mourning
for
my
mother
My
uncle
wanted
to
talk
things
over
with
me
he
said
and
if
he
could
to
persuade
me
to
go
into
business
instead
of
going
up
to
Cambridge
I
remember
that
visit
on
account
of
all
sorts
of
novel
things
but
chiefly
I
think
because
it
was
the
first
time
I
encountered
anything
that
deserves
to
be
spoken
of
as
wealth
For
the
first
time
in
my
life
I
had
to
do
with
people
who
seemed
to
have
endless
supplies
of
money
unlimited
good
clothes
numerous
servants
whose
daily
life
was
made
up
of
things
that
I
had
hitherto
considered
to
be
treats
or
exceptional
extravagances
My
cousins
of
eighteen
and
nineteen
took
cabs
for
instance
with
the
utmost
freedom
and
travelled
first
class
in
the
local
trains
that
run
up
and
down
the
district
of
the
Five
Towns
with
an
entire
unconsciousness
of
the
magnificence
as
it
seemed
to
me
of
such
a
proceeding
The
family
occupied
a
large
villa
in
Newcastle
with
big
lawns
before
it
and
behind
a
shrubbery
with
quite
a
lot
of
shrubs
a
coach
house
and
stable
and
subordinate
dwelling
places
for
the
gardener
and
the
coachman
Every
bedroom
contained
a
gas
heater
and
a
canopied
brass
bedstead
and
had
a
little
bathroom
attached
equipped
with
the
porcelain
baths
and
fittings
my
uncle
manufactured
bright
and
sanitary
and
stamped
with
his
name
and
the
house
was
furnished
throughout
with
chairs
and
tables
in
bright
shining
wood
soft
and
prevalently
red
Turkish
carpets
cosy
corners
curtained
archways
gold
framed
landscapes
overmantels
a
dining
room
sideboard
like
a
palace
with
a
large
Tantalus
and
electric
light
fittings
of
a
gay
and
expensive
quality
There
was
a
fine
billiard
room
on
the
ground
floor
with
three
comfortable
sofas
and
a
rotating
bookcase
containing
an
excellent
collection
of
the
English
and
American
humorists
from
THREE
MEN
IN
A
BOAT
to
the
penultimate
Mark
Twain
There
was
also
a
conservatory
opening
out
of
the
dining
room
to
which
the
gardener
brought
potted
flowers
in
their
season
My
aunt
was
a
little
woman
with
a
scared
look
and
a
cap
that
would
get
over
one
eye
not
very
like
my
mother
and
nearly
eight
years
her
junior
she
was
very
much
concerned
with
keeping
everything
nice
and
unmercifully
bullied
by
my
two
cousins
who
took
after
their
father
and
followed
the
imaginations
of
their
own
hearts
They
were
tall
dark
warmly
flushed
girls
handsome
rather
than
pretty
Gertrude
the
eldest
and
tallest
had
eyes
that
were
almost
black
Sibyl
was
of
a
stouter
build
and
her
eyes
of
which
she
was
shamelessly
proud
were
dark
blue
Sibyls
hair
waved
and
Gertrudes
was
severely
straight
They
treated
me
on
my
first
visit
with
all
the
contempt
of
the
adolescent
girl
for
a
boy
a
little
younger
and
infinitely
less
expert
in
the
business
of
life
than
herself
They
were
very
busy
with
the
writings
of
notes
and
certain
mysterious
goings
and
comings
of
their
own
and
left
me
very
much
to
my
own
devices
Their
speech
in
my
presence
was
full
of
unfathomable
allusions
They
were
the
sort
of
girls
who
will
talk
over
and
through
an
uninitiated
stranger
with
the
pleasantest
sense
of
superiority
I
met
them
at
breakfast
and
at
lunch
and
at
the
half
past
six
oclock
high
tea
that
formed
the
third
chief
meal
of
the
day
I
heard
them
rattling
off
the
compositions
of
Chaminade
and
Moskowski
with
great
decision
and
effect
and
hovered
on
the
edge
of
tennis
foursomes
where
it
was
manifest
to
the
dullest
intelligence
that
my
presence
was
unnecessary
Then
I
went
off
to
find
some
readable
book
in
the
place
but
apart
from
miscellaneous
popular
novels
some
veterinary
works
a
number
of
comic
books
old
bound
volumes
of
THE
ILLUSTRATED
LONDON
NEWS
and
a
large
popular
illustrated
History
of
England
there
was
very
little
to
be
found
My
anut
talked
to
me
in
a
casual
feeble
way
chiefly
about
my
motbers
last
illness
The
two
bad
seen
very
little
of
each
other
for
many
years
she
made
no
secret
of
it
that
the
ineligible
qualities
of
my
father
were
the
cause
of
the
estrangement
The
only
other
society
in
the
house
during
the
day
was
an
old
and
rather
decayed
Skye
terrier
in
constant
conflict
with
what
were
no
doubt
imaginary
fleas
I
took
myself
off
for
a
series
of
walks
and
acquired
a
considerable
knowledge
of
the
scenery
and
topography
of
the
Potteries
It
puzzled
my
aunt
that
I
did
not
go
westward
where
it
was
country
side
and
often
quite
pretty
with
hedgerows
and
fields
and
copses
and
flowers
But
always
I
went
eastward
where
in
a
long
valley
industrialism
smokes
and
sprawls
That
was
the
stuff
to
which
I
turned
by
nature
to
the
human
effort
and
the
accumulation
and
jar
of
mens
activities
And
in
such
a
country
as
that
valley
social
and
economic
relations
were
simple
and
manifest
Instead
of
the
limitless
confusion
of
Londons
population
in
which
no
man
can
trace
any
but
the
most
slender
correlation
between
rich
and
poor
in
which
everyone
seems
disconnected
and
adrift
from
everyone
you
can
see
here
the
works
the
potbank
or
the
ironworks
or
what
not
and
here
close
at
hand
the
congested
meanly
housed
workers
and
at
a
little
distance
a
small
middle
class
quarter
and
again
remoter
the
big
house
of
the
employer
It
was
like
a
very
simplified
diagram
after
the
untraceable
confusion
of
London
I
prowled
alone
curious
and
interested
through
shabby
back
streets
of
mean
little
homes
I
followed
canals
sometimes
canals
of
mysteriously
heated
waters
with
ghostly
wisps
of
steam
rising
against
blackened
walls
or
a
distant
prospect
of
dustbin
fed
vegetable
gardens
I
saw
the
women
pouring
out
from
the
potbanks
heard
the
hooters
summoning
the
toilers
to
work
lost
my
way
upon
slag
heaps
as
big
as
the
hills
of
the
south
country
dodged
trains
at
manifestly
dangerous
level
crossings
and
surveyed
across
dark
intervening
spaces
the
flaming
uproar
the
gnome
like
activities
of
iron
foundries
I
heard
talk
of
strikes
and
rumours
of
strikes
and
learnt
from
the
columns
of
some
obscure
labour
paper
I
bought
one
day
of
the
horrors
of
the
lead
poisoning
that
was
in
those
days
one
of
the
normal
risks
of
certain
sorts
of
pottery
workers
Then
back
I
came
by
the
ugly
groaning
and
clanging
steam
tram
of
that
period
to
my
uncles
house
and
lavish
abundance
of
money
and
more
or
less
furtive
flirtations
and
the
tinkle
of
Moskowski
and
Chaminade
It
was
I
say
diagrammatic
One
saw
the
expropriator
and
the
expropriated
as
if
Marx
had
arranged
the
picture
It
was
as
jumbled
and
far
more
dingy
and
disastrous
than
any
of
the
confusions
of
building
and
development
that
had
surrounded
my
youth
at
Bromstead
and
Penge
but
it
had
a
novel
quality
of
being
explicable
I
found
great
virtue
in
the
word
exploitation
There
stuck
in
my
mind
as
if
it
was
symbolical
of
the
whole
thing
the
twisted
figure
of
a
man
whose
face
had
been
horribly
scalded
I
cant
describe
how
except
that
one
eye
was
just
expressionless
white
and
he
ground
at
an
organ
bearing
a
card
which
told
in
weak
and
bitterly
satirical
phrasing
that
he
had
been
scalded
by
the
hot
water
from
the
tuyeres
of
the
blast
furnace
of
Lord
Pandrams
works
He
had
been
scalded
and
quite
inadequately
compensated
and
dismissed
And
Lord
Pandram
was
worth
half
a
million
That
upturned
sightless
white
eye
of
his
took
possession
of
my
imagination
I
dont
think
that
even
then
I
was
swayed
by
any
crude
melodramatic
conception
of
injustice
I
was
quite
prepared
to
believe
the
card
wasnt
a
punctiliously
accurate
statement
of
fact
and
that
a
case
could
be
made
out
for
Lord
Pandram
Still
there
in
the
muddy
gutter
painfully
and
dreadfully
was
the
man
and
he
was
smashed
and
scalded
and
wretched
and
he
ground
his
dismal
hurdygurdy
with
a
weary
arm
calling
upon
Heaven
and
the
passer
by
for
help
for
help
and
some
sort
of
righting
one
could
not
imagine
quite
what
There
he
was
as
a
fact
as
a
by
product
of
the
system
that
heaped
my
cousins
with
trinkets
and
provided
the
comic
novels
and
the
abundant
cigars
and
spacious
billiard
room
of
my
uncles
house
I
couldnt
disconnect
him
and
them
My
uncle
on
his
part
did
nothing
to
conceal
the
state
of
war
that
existed
between
himself
and
his
workers
and
the
mingled
contempt
and
animosity
he
felt
from
them
3
Prosperity
had
overtaken
my
uncle
So
quite
naturally
he
believed
that
every
man
who
was
not
as
prosperous
as
he
was
had
only
himself
to
blame
He
was
rich
and
he
had
left
school
and
gone
into
his
fathers
business
at
fifteen
and
that
seemed
to
him
the
proper
age
at
which
everyones
education
should
terminate
He
was
very
anxious
to
dissuade
me
from
going
up
to
Cambridge
and
we
argued
intermittently
through
all
my
visit
I
had
remembered
him
as
a
big
and
buoyant
man
striding
destructively
about
the
nursery
floor
of
my
childhood
and
saluting
my
existence
by
slaps
loud
laughter
and
questions
about
half
herrings
and
half
eggs
subtly
framed
to
puzzle
and
confuse
my
mind
I
didnt
see
him
for
some
years
until
my
fathers
death
and
then
he
seemed
rather
smaller
though
still
a
fair
size
yellow
instead
of
red
and
much
less
radiantly
aggressive
This
altered
effect
was
due
not
so
much
to
my
own
changed
perspectives
I
fancy
as
to
the
facts
that
he
was
suffering
for
continuous
cigar
smoking
and
being
taken
in
hand
by
his
adolescent
daughters
who
had
just
returned
from
school
During
my
first
visit
there
was
a
perpetual
series
of
the
only
word
is
rows
between
them
and
him
Up
to
the
age
of
fifteen
or
thereabouts
he
had
maintamed
his
ascendancy
over
them
by
simple
old
fashioned
physical
chastisement
Then
after
an
interlude
of
a
year
it
had
dawned
upon
them
that
power
had
mysteriously
departed
from
him
He
had
tried
stopping
their
pocket
money
but
they
found
their
mother
financially
amenable
besides
which
it
was
fundamental
to
my
uncles
attitude
that
he
should
give
them
money
freely
Not
to
do
so
would
seem
like
admitting
a
difficulty
in
making
it
So
that
after
he
had
stopped
their
allowances
for
the
fourth
time
Sybil
and
Gertrude
were
prepared
to
face
beggary
without
a
qualm
It
had
been
his
pride
to
give
them
the
largest
allowance
of
any
girls
at
the
school
not
even
excepting
the
granddaughter
of
Fladden
the
Borax
King
and
his
soul
recoiled
from
this
discipline
as
it
had
never
recoiled
from
the
ruder
method
of
the
earlier
phase
Both
girls
had
developed
to
a
high
pitch
in
their
mutual
recriminations
a
gift
for
damaging
retort
and
he
found
it
an
altogether
deadlier
thing
than
the
power
of
the
raised
voice
that
had
always
cowed
my
aunt
Whenever
he
became
heated
with
them
they
frowned
as
if
involuntarily
drew
in
their
breath
sharply
said
Daddy
you
really
must
not
say
and
corrected
his
pronunciation
Then
at
a
great
advantage
they
resumed
the
discussion
My
uncles
views
about
Cambridge
however
were
perfectly
clear
and
definite
It
was
waste
of
time
and
money
It
was
all
damned
foolery
Did
they
make
a
man
a
better
business
man
Not
a
bit
of
it
He
gave
instances
It
spoilt
a
man
for
business
by
giving
him
false
ideas
Some
men
said
that
at
college
a
man
formed
useful
friendships
What
use
were
friendships
to
a
business
man
He
might
get
to
know
lords
but
as
my
uncle
pointed
out
a
lords
requirements
in
his
line
of
faience
were
little
greater
than
a
common
mans
If
college
introduced
him
to
hotel
proprietors
there
might
be
something
in
it
Perhaps
it
helped
a
man
into
Parliament
Parliament
still
being
a
confused
retrogressive
corner
in
the
world
where
lawyers
and
suchlike
sheltered
themselves
from
the
onslaughts
of
common
sense
behind
a
fog
of
Latin
and
Greek
and
twaddle
and
tosh
but
I
wasnt
the
sort
to
go
into
Parliament
unless
I
meant
to
be
a
lawyer
Did
I
mean
to
be
a
lawyer
It
cost
no
end
of
money
and
was
full
of
uncertainties
and
there
were
no
judges
nor
great
solicitors
among
my
relations
Young
chaps
think
they
get
on
by
themselves
said
my
uncle
It
isnt
so
Not
unless
they
take
their
coats
off
I
took
mine
off
before
I
was
your
age
by
nigh
a
year
We
were
at
cross
purposes
from
the
outset
because
I
did
not
think
men
lived
to
make
money
and
I
was
obtuse
to
the
hints
he
was
throwing
out
at
the
possibilities
of
his
own
potbank
not
willfully
obtuse
but
just
failing
to
penetrate
his
meaning
Whatever
City
Merchants
had
or
had
not
done
for
me
Flack
Topham
and
old
Gates
had
certainly
barred
my
mistaking
the
profitable
production
and
sale
of
lavatory
basins
and
bathroom
fittings
for
the
highest
good
It
was
only
upon
reflection
that
it
dawned
upon
me
that
the
splendid
chance
for
a
young
fellow
with
my
uncle
me
having
no
son
of
my
own
was
anything
but
an
illustration
for
comparison
with
my
own
chosen
career
I
still
remember
very
distinctly
my
uncles
talk
he
loved
to
speak
reet
Staffordshire
his
rather
flabby
face
with
the
mottled
complexion
that
told
of
crude
ill
regulated
appetites
his
clumsy
gestures
he
kept
emphasising
his
points
by
prodding
at
me
with
his
finger
the
ill
worn
costly
grey
tweed
clothes
the
watch
chain
of
plain
solid
gold
and
soft
felt
hat
thrust
back
from
his
head
He
tackled
me
first
in
the
garden
after
lunch
and
then
tried
to
raise
me
to
enthusiasm
by
taking
me
to
his
potbank
and
showing
me
its
organisation
from
the
dusty
grinding
mills
in
which
whitened
men
worked
and
coughed
through
the
highly
ventilated
glazing
room
in
which
strangely
masked
girls
looked
ashamed
of
themselves
Theyll
risk
death
the
fools
to
show
their
faces
to
a
man
said
my
uncle
quite
audibly
to
the
firing
kilns
and
the
glazing
kilns
and
so
round
the
whole
place
to
the
railway
siding
and
the
gratifying
spectacle
of
three
trucks
laden
with
executed
orders
Then
we
went
up
a
creaking
outside
staircase
to
his
little
office
and
he
showed
off
before
me
for
a
while
with
one
or
two
subordinates
and
the
telephone
None
of
your
Gas
he
said
all
this
Its
Real
every
bit
of
it
Hard
cash
and
hard
glaze
Yes
I
said
with
memories
of
a
carelessly
read
pamphlet
in
my
mind
and
without
any
satirical
intention
I
suppose
you
MUST
use
lead
in
your
glazes
Whereupon
I
found
I
had
tapped
the
ruling
grievance
of
my
uncles
life
He
hated
leadless
glazes
more
than
he
hated
anything
except
the
benevolent
people
who
had
organised
the
agitation
for
their
use
Leadless
glazes
aint
only
fit
for
buns
he
said
Let
me
tell
you
my
boy
He
began
in
a
voice
of
bland
persuasiveness
that
presently
warmed
to
anger
to
explain
the
whole
matter
I
hadnt
the
rights
of
the
matter
at
all
Firstly
there
was
practically
no
such
thing
as
lead
poisoning
Secondly
not
everyone
was
liable
to
lead
poisoning
and
it
would
be
quite
easy
to
pick
out
the
susceptible
types
as
soon
as
they
had
it
and
put
them
to
other
work
Thirdly
the
evil
effects
of
lead
poisoning
were
much
exaggerated
Fourthly
and
this
was
in
a
particularly
confidential
undertone
many
of
the
people
liked
to
get
lead
poisoning
especially
the
women
because
it
caused
abortion
I
might
not
believe
it
but
he
knew
it
for
a
fact
Fifthly
the
work
people
simply
would
not
learn
the
gravity
of
the
danger
and
would
eat
with
unwashed
hands
and
incur
all
sorts
of
risks
so
that
as
my
uncle
put
it
the
fools
deserve
what
they
get
Sixthly
he
and
several
associated
firms
had
organised
a
simple
and
generous
insurance
scheme
against
lead
poisoning
risks
Seventhly
he
never
wearied
in
rational
as
distinguished
from
excessive
futile
and
expensive
precautions
against
the
disease
Eighthly
in
the
ill
equipped
shops
of
his
minor
competitors
lead
poisoning
was
a
frequent
and
virulent
evil
and
people
had
generalised
from
these
exceptional
cases
The
small
shops
he
hazarded
looking
out
of
the
cracked
and
dirty
window
at
distant
chimneys
might
be
advantageously
closed
But
whats
the
good
of
talking
said
my
uncle
getting
off
the
table
on
which
he
had
been
sitting
Seems
to
me
therell
come
a
time
when
a
master
will
get
fined
if
he
dont
run
round
the
works
blowing
his
girls
noses
for
them
Thats
about
what
itll
come
to
He
walked
to
the
black
mantelpiece
and
stood
on
the
threadbare
rug
and
urged
me
not
to
be
misled
by
the
stories
of
prejudiced
and
interested
enemies
of
our
national
industries
Theyll
get
a
strike
one
of
these
days
of
employers
and
then
well
see
a
bit
he
said
Theyll
drive
Capital
abroad
and
then
theyll
whistle
to
get
it
back
again
He
led
the
way
down
the
shaky
wooden
steps
and
cheered
up
to
tell
me
of
his
way
of
checking
his
coal
consumption
He
exchanged
a
ferocious
greeting
with
one
or
two
workpeople
and
so
we
came
out
of
the
factory
gates
into
the
ugly
narrow
streets
paved
with
a
peculiarly
hard
diapered
brick
of
an
unpleasing
inky
blue
colour
and
bordered
with
the
mean
and
squalid
homes
of
his
workers
Doors
stood
open
and
showed
grimy
interiors
and
dirty
ill
clad
children
played
in
the
kennel
We
passed
a
sickly
looking
girl
with
a
sallow
face
who
dragged
her
limbs
and
peered
at
us
dimly
with
painful
eyes
She
stood
back
as
partly
blinded
people
will
do
to
allow
us
to
pass
although
there
was
plenty
of
room
for
us
I
glanced
back
at
her
THATS
ploombism
said
my
uncle
casually
What
said
I
Ploombism
And
the
other
day
I
saw
a
fool
of
a
girl
and
what
dyou
think
Shed
got
a
basin
that
hadnt
been
fired
a
cracked
piece
of
biscuit
it
was
up
on
the
shelf
over
her
head
just
all
over
glaze
killing
glaze
man
and
she
was
putting
up
her
hand
if
you
please
and
eating
her
dinner
out
of
it
Got
her
dinner
in
it
Eating
her
dinner
out
of
it
he
repeated
in
loud
and
bitter
tones
and
punched
me
hard
in
the
ribs
And
then
they
comes
to
THAT
and
grumbles
And
the
fools
up
in
Westminster
want
you
to
put
in
fans
here
and
fans
there
the
Longton
fools
have
And
then
eating
their
dinners
out
of
it
all
the
time
At
high
tea
that
night
my
uncle
was
still
holding
out
against
evening
dinner
Sibyl
and
Gertrude
made
what
was
evidently
a
concerted
demand
for
a
motorcar
Youve
got
your
mothers
brougham
he
said
thats
good
enough
for
you
But
he
seemed
shaken
by
the
fact
that
some
Burslem
rival
was
launching
out
with
the
new
invention
He
spoils
his
girls
he
remarked
Hes
a
fool
and
became
thoughtful
Afterwards
he
asked
me
to
come
to
him
into
his
study
it
was
a
room
with
a
writing
desk
and
full
of
pieces
of
earthenware
and
suchlike
litter
and
we
had
our
great
row
about
Cambridge
Have
you
thought
things
over
Dick
he
said
I
think
Ill
go
to
Trinity
Uncle
I
said
firmly
I
want
to
go
to
Trinity
It
is
a
great
college
He
was
manifestly
chagrined
Youre
a
fool
he
said
I
made
no
answer
Youre
a
damned
fool
he
said
But
I
suppose
youve
got
to
do
it
You
could
have
come
here
That
dont
matter
though
now
Youll
have
your
time
and
spend
your
money
and
be
a
poor
half
starved
clergyman
mucking
about
with
the
women
all
the
day
and
afraid
to
have
one
of
your
own
ever
or
youll
be
a
schoolmaster
or
some
such
fool
for
the
rest
of
your
life
Or
some
newspaper
chap
Thats
what
youll
get
from
Cambridge
Im
half
a
mind
not
to
let
you
Eh
More
than
half
a
mind
Youve
got
to
do
the
thing
you
can
he
said
after
a
pause
and
likely
its
what
youre
fitted
for
4
I
paid
several
short
visits
to
Staffordshire
during
my
Cambridge
days
and
always
these
relations
of
mine
produced
the
same
effect
of
hardness
My
uncles
thoughts
had
neither
atmosphere
nor
mystery
He
lived
in
a
different
universe
from
the
dreams
of
scientific
construction
that
filled
my
mind
He
could
as
easily
have
understood
Chinese
poetry
His
motives
were
made
up
of
intense
rivalries
with
other
men
of
his
class
and
kind
a
few
vindictive
hates
springing
from
real
and
fancied
slights
a
habit
of
acquisition
that
had
become
a
second
nature
a
keen
love
both
of
efficiency
and
display
in
his
own
affairs
He
seemed
to
me
to
have
no
sense
of
the
state
no
sense
and
much
less
any
love
of
beauty
no
charity
and
no
sort
of
religious
feeling
whatever
He
had
strong
bodily
appetites
he
ate
and
drank
freely
smoked
a
great
deal
and
occasionally
was
carried
off
by
his
passions
for
a
bit
of
a
spree
to
Birmingham
or
Liverpool
or
Manchester
The
indulgences
of
these
occasions
were
usually
followed
by
a
period
of
reaction
when
he
was
urgent
for
the
suppression
of
nudity
in
the
local
Art
Gallery
and
a
harsh
and
forcible
elevation
of
the
superficial
morals
of
the
valley
And
he
spoke
of
the
ladies
who
ministered
to
the
delights
of
his
jolly
dog
period
when
he
spoke
of
them
at
all
by
the
unprintable
feminine
equivalent
My
aunt
he
treated
with
a
kindly
contempt
and
considerable
financial
generosity
but
his
daughters
tore
his
heart
he
was
so
proud
of
them
so
glad
to
find
them
money
to
spend
so
resolved
to
own
them
so
instinctively
jealous
of
every
man
who
came
near
them
My
uncle
has
been
the
clue
to
a
great
number
of
men
for
me
He
was
an
illuminating
extreme
I
have
learnt
what
not
to
expect
from
them
through
him
and
to
comprehend
resentments
and
dangerous
sudden
antagonisms
I
should
have
found
incomprehensible
in
their
more
complex
forms
if
I
had
not
first
seen
them
in
him
in
their
feral
state
With
his
soft
felt
hat
at
the
back
of
his
head
his
rather
heavy
rather
mottled
face
his
rationally
thick
boots
and
slouching
tweed
clad
form
a
little
round
shouldered
and
very
obstinate
looking
he
strolls
through
all
my
speculations
sucking
his
teeth
audibly
and
occasionally
throwing
out
a
shrewd
aphorism
the
intractable
unavoidable
ore
of
the
new
civilisation
Essentially
he
was
simple
Generally
speaking
he
hated
and
despised
in
equal
measure
whatever
seemed
to
suggest
that
he
personally
was
not
the
most
perfect
human
being
conceivable
He
hated
all
education
after
fifteen
because
he
had
had
no
education
after
fifteen
he
hated
all
people
who
did
not
have
high
tea
until
he
himself
under
duress
gave
up
high
tea
he
hated
every
game
except
football
which
he
had
played
and
could
judge
he
hated
all
people
who
spoke
foreign
languages
because
he
knew
no
language
but
Staffordshire
he
hated
all
foreigners
because
he
was
English
and
all
foreign
ways
because
they
were
not
his
ways
Also
he
hated
particularly
and
in
this
order
Londoners
Yorkshiremen
Scotch
Welch
and
Irish
because
they
were
not
reet
Staffordshire
and
he
hated
all
other
Staffordshire
men
as
insufficiently
reet
He
wanted
to
have
all
his
own
women
inviolate
and
to
fancy
he
had
a
call
upon
every
other
woman
in
the
world
He
wanted
to
have
the
best
cigars
and
the
best
brandy
in
the
world
to
consume
or
give
away
magnificently
and
every
one
else
to
have
inferior
ones
His
billiard
table
was
an
extra
large
size
specially
made
and
very
inconvenient
And
he
hated
Trade
Unions
because
they
interfered
with
his
autocratic
direction
of
his
works
and
his
workpeople
because
they
were
not
obedient
and
untiring
mechanisms
to
do
his
bidding
He
was
in
fact
a
very
naive
vigorous
human
being
He
was
about
as
much
civilised
about
as
much
tamed
to
the
ideas
of
collective
action
and
mutual
consideration
as
a
Central
African
negro
There
are
hordes
of
such
men
as
he
throughout
all
the
modern
industrial
world
You
will
find
the
same
type
with
the
slightest
modifications
in
the
Pas
de
Calais
or
Rhenish
Prussia
or
New
Jersey
or
North
Italy
No
doubt
you
would
find
it
in
New
Japan
These
men
have
raised
themselves
up
from
the
general
mass
of
untrained
uncultured
poorish
people
in
a
hard
industrious
selfish
struggle
To
drive
others
they
have
had
first
to
drive
themselves
They
have
never
yet
had
occasion
nor
leisure
to
think
of
the
state
or
social
life
as
a
whole
and
as
for
dreams
or
beauty
it
was
a
condition
of
survival
that
they
should
ignore
such
cravings
All
the
distinctive
qualities
of
my
uncle
can
be
thought
of
as
dictated
by
his
conditions
his
success
and
harshness
the
extravagances
that
expressed
his
pride
in
making
money
the
uncongenial
luxury
that
sprang
from
rivalry
and
his
self
reliance
his
contempt
for
broad
views
his
contempt
for
everything
that
he
could
not
understand
His
daughters
were
the
inevitable
children
of
his
life
Queer
girls
they
were
Curiously
spirited
as
people
phrase
it
and
curiously
limited
During
my
Cambridge
days
I
went
down
to
Staffordshire
several
times
My
uncle
though
he
still
resented
my
refusal
to
go
into
his
business
was
also
in
his
odd
way
proud
of
me
I
was
his
nephew
and
poor
relation
and
yet
there
I
was
a
young
gentleman
learning
all
sorts
of
unremunerative
things
in
the
grandest
manner
Latin
and
mook
while
the
sons
of
his
neighhours
not
nephews
merely
but
sons
stayed
unpolished
in
their
native
town
Every
time
I
went
down
I
found
extensive
changes
and
altered
relations
and
before
I
had
settled
down
to
them
off
I
went
again
I
dont
think
I
was
one
person
to
them
I
was
a
series
of
visitors
There
is
a
gulf
of
ages
between
a
gaunt
schoolboy
of
sixteen
in
unbecoming
mourning
and
two
vividly
self
conscious
girls
of
eighteen
and
nineteen
but
a
Cambridge
man
of
two
and
twenty
with
a
first
and
good
tennis
and
a
growing
social
experience
is
a
fair
contemporary
for
two
girls
of
twenty
three
and
twenty
four
A
motor
car
appeared
I
think
in
my
second
visit
a
bottle
green
affair
that
opened
behind
had
dark
purple
cushions
and
was
controlled
mysteriously
by
a
man
in
shiny
black
costume
and
a
flat
cap
The
high
tea
had
been
shifted
to
seven
and
rechristened
dinner
but
my
uncle
would
not
dress
nor
consent
to
have
wine
and
after
one
painful
experiment
I
gathered
and
a
scene
he
put
his
foot
down
and
prohibited
any
but
high
necked
dresses
Daddys
perfectly
impossible
Sybil
told
me
The
foot
had
descended
vehemently
My
own
daughters
he
had
said
dressed
up
like
and
had
arrested
himself
and
fumbled
and
decided
to
say
actresses
and
showin
their
fat
arms
for
every
fool
to
stare
at
Nor
would
he
have
any
people
invited
to
dinner
He
didnt
he
had
explained
want
strangers
poking
about
in
his
house
when
he
came
home
tired
So
such
calling
as
occurred
went
on
during
his
absence
in
the
afternoon
One
of
the
peculiarities
of
the
life
of
these
ascendant
families
of
the
industrial
class
to
which
wealth
has
come
is
its
tremendous
insulations
There
were
no
customs
of
intercourse
in
the
Five
Towns
All
the
isolated
prosperities
of
the
district
sprang
from
economising
hard
driven
homes
in
which
there
was
neither
time
nor
means
for
hospitality
Social
intercourse
centred
very
largely
upon
the
church
or
chapel
and
the
chapels
were
better
at
bringing
people
together
than
the
Establishment
to
which
my
cousins
belonged
Their
chief
outlet
to
the
wider
world
lay
therefore
through
the
acquaintances
they
had
formed
at
school
and
through
two
much
less
prosperous
families
of
relations
who
lived
at
Longton
and
Hanley
A
number
of
gossiping
friendships
with
old
school
mates
were
kept
up
and
my
cousins
would
spend
the
afternoon
or
even
spend
the
day
with
these
such
occasions
led
to
other
encounters
and
interlaced
with
the
furtive
correspondences
and
snatched
meetings
that
formed
the
emotional
thread
of
their
lives
When
the
billiard
table
had
been
new
my
uncle
had
taken
to
asking
in
a
few
approved
friends
for
an
occasional
game
but
mostly
the
billiard
room
was
for
glory
and
the
girls
Both
of
them
played
very
well
They
never
so
far
as
I
know
dined
out
and
when
at
last
after
bitter
domestic
conflicts
they
began
to
go
to
dances
they
went
with
the
quavering
connivance
of
my
aunt
and
changed
into
ball
frocks
at
friends
houses
on
the
way
There
was
a
tennis
club
that
formed
a
convenient
afternoon
rendezvous
and
I
recall
that
in
the
period
of
my
earlier
visits
the
young
bloods
of
the
district
found
much
satisfaction
in
taking
girls
for
drives
in
dog
carts
and
suchlike
high
wheeled
vehicles
a
disposition
that
died
in
tangled
tandems
at
the
apparition
of
motor
cars
My
aunt
and
uncle
had
conceived
no
plans
in
life
for
their
daughters
at
all
In
the
undifferentiated
industrial
community
from
which
they
had
sprung
girls
got
married
somehow
and
it
did
not
occur
to
them
that
the
concentration
of
property
that
had
made
them
wealthy
had
cut
their
children
off
from
the
general
social
sea
in
which
their
own
awkward
meeting
had
occurred
without
necessarily
opening
any
other
world
in
exchange
My
uncle
was
too
much
occupied
with
the
works
and
his
business
affairs
and
his
private
vices
to
philosophise
about
his
girls
he
wanted
them
just
to
keep
girls
preferably
about
sixteen
and
to
be
a
sort
of
animated
flowers
and
make
home
bright
and
be
given
things
He
was
irritated
that
they
would
not
remain
at
this
and
still
more
irritated
that
they
failed
to
suppress
altogether
their
natural
interest
in
young
men
The
tandems
would
be
steered
by
weird
and
devious
routes
to
evade
the
bare
chance
of
his
bloodshot
eye
My
aunt
seemed
to
have
no
ideas
whatever
about
what
was
likely
to
happen
to
her
children
She
had
indeed
no
ideas
about
anything
she
took
her
husband
and
the
days
as
they
came
I
can
see
now
the
pathetic
difficulty
of
my
cousins
position
in
life
the
absence
of
any
guidance
or
instruction
or
provision
for
their
development
They
supplemented
the
silences
of
home
by
the
conversation
of
schoolfellows
and
the
suggestions
of
popular
fiction
They
had
to
make
what
they
could
out
of
life
with
such
hints
as
these
The
church
was
far
too
modest
to
offer
them
any
advice
It
was
obtruded
upon
my
mind
upon
my
first
visit
that
they
were
both
carrying
on
correspondences
and
having
little
furtive
passings
and
seeings
and
meetings
with
the
mysterious
owners
of
certain
initials
S
and
L
K
and
if
I
remember
rightly
the
R
N
brothers
and
cousins
I
suppose
of
their
friends
The
same
thing
was
going
on
with
a
certain
intensification
at
my
next
visit
excepting
only
that
the
initials
were
different
But
when
I
came
again
their
methods
were
maturer
or
I
was
no
longer
a
negligible
quantity
and
the
notes
and
the
initials
were
no
longer
flaunted
quite
so
openly
in
my
face
My
cousins
had
worked
it
out
from
the
indications
of
their
universe
that
the
end
of
life
is
to
have
a
good
time
They
used
the
phrase
That
and
the
drives
in
dog
carts
were
only
the
first
of
endless
points
of
resemblance
between
them
and
the
commoner
sort
of
American
girl
When
some
years
ago
I
paid
my
first
and
only
visit
to
America
I
seemed
to
recover
my
cousins
atmosphere
as
soon
as
I
entered
the
train
at
Euston
There
were
three
girls
in
my
compartment
supplied
with
huge
decorated
cases
of
sweets
and
being
seen
off
by
a
company
of
friends
noisily
arch
and
eager
about
the
steamer
letters
they
would
get
at
Liverpool
they
were
the
very
soul
sisters
of
my
cousins
The
chief
elements
of
a
good
time
as
my
cousins
judged
it
as
these
countless
thousands
of
rich
young
women
judge
it
are
a
petty
eventfulness
laughter
and
to
feel
that
you
are
looking
well
and
attracting
attention
Shopping
is
one
of
its
leading
joys
You
buy
things
clothes
and
trinkets
for
yourself
and
presents
for
your
friends
Presents
always
seemed
to
be
flying
about
in
that
circle
flowers
and
boxes
of
sweets
were
common
currency
My
cousins
were
always
getting
and
giving
my
uncle
caressed
them
with
parcels
and
cheques
They
kissed
him
and
he
exuded
sovereigns
as
a
stroked
APHIS
exudes
honey
It
was
like
the
new
language
of
the
Academy
of
Lagado
to
me
and
I
never
learnt
how
to
express
myself
in
it
for
nature
and
training
make
me
feel
encumbered
to
receive
presents
and
embarrassed
in
giving
them
But
then
like
my
father
I
hate
and
distrust
possessions
Of
the
quality
of
their
private
imagination
I
never
learnt
anything
I
suppose
it
followed
the
lines
of
the
fiction
they
read
and
was
romantic
and
sentimental
So
far
as
marriage
went
the
married
state
seemed
at
once
very
attractive
and
dreadfully
serious
to
them
composed
in
equal
measure
of
becoming
important
and
becoming
old
I
dont
know
what
they
thought
about
children
I
doubt
if
they
thought
about
them
at
all
It
was
very
secret
if
they
did
As
for
the
poor
and
dingy
people
all
about
them
my
cousins
were
always
ready
to
take
part
in
a
Charitable
Bazaar
They
were
unaware
of
any
economic
correlation
of
their
own
prosperity
and
that
circumambient
poverty
and
they
knew
of
Trade
Unions
simply
as
disagreeable
external
things
that
upset
my
uncles
temper
They
knew
of
nothing
wrong
in
social
life
at
all
except
that
there
were
Agitators
It
surprised
them
a
little
I
think
that
Agitators
were
not
more
drastically
put
down
But
they
had
a
sort
of
instinctive
dread
of
social
discussion
as
of
something
that
might
breach
the
happiness
of
their
ignorance
5
My
cousins
did
more
than
illustrate
Marx
for
me
they
also
undertook
a
stage
of
my
emotional
education
Their
method
in
that
as
in
everything
else
was
extremely
simple
but
it
took
my
inexperience
by
surprise
It
must
have
been
on
my
third
visit
that
Sybil
took
me
in
hand
Hitherto
I
seemed
to
have
seen
her
only
in
profile
but
now
she
became
almost
completely
full
face
manifestly
regarded
me
with
those
violet
eyes
of
hers
She
passed
me
things
I
needed
at
breakfast
it
was
the
first
morning
of
my
visit
before
I
asked
for
them
When
young
men
are
looked
at
by
pretty
cousins
they
become
intensely
aware
of
those
cousins
It
seemed
to
me
that
I
had
always
admired
Sybils
eyes
very
greatly
and
that
there
was
something
in
her
temperament
congenial
to
mine
It
was
odd
I
had
not
noted
it
on
my
previous
visits
We
walked
round
the
garden
somewhen
that
morning
and
talked
about
Cambridge
She
asked
quite
a
lot
of
questions
about
my
work
and
my
ambitions
She
said
she
had
always
felt
sure
I
was
clever
The
conversation
languished
a
little
and
we
picked
some
flowers
for
the
house
Then
she
asked
if
I
could
run
I
conceded
her
various
starts
and
we
raced
up
and
down
the
middle
garden
path
Then
a
little
breathless
we
went
into
the
new
twenty
five
guinea
summer
house
at
the
end
of
the
herbaceous
border
We
sat
side
by
side
pleasantly
hidden
from
the
house
and
she
became
anxious
about
her
hair
which
was
slightly
and
prettily
disarranged
and
asked
me
to
help
her
with
the
adjustment
of
a
hairpin
I
had
never
in
my
life
been
so
near
the
soft
curly
hair
and
the
dainty
eyebrow
and
eyelid
and
warm
soft
cheek
of
a
girl
and
I
was
stirred
It
stirs
me
now
to
recall
it
I
became
a
battleground
of
impulses
and
inhibitions
Thank
you
said
my
cousin
and
moved
a
little
away
from
me
She
began
to
talk
about
friendship
and
lost
her
thread
and
forgot
the
little
electric
stress
between
us
in
a
rather
meandering
analysis
of
her
principal
girl
friends
But
afterwards
she
resumed
her
purpose
I
went
to
bed
that
night
with
one
propostion
overshadowing
everything
else
in
my
mind
namely
that
kissing
my
cousin
Sybil
was
a
difficult
but
not
impossible
achievement
I
do
not
recall
any
shadow
of
a
doubt
whether
on
the
whole
it
was
worth
doing
The
thing
had
come
into
my
existence
disturbing
and
interrupting
its
flow
exactly
as
a
fever
does
Sybil
had
infected
me
with
herself
The
next
day
matters
came
to
a
crisis
in
the
little
upstairs
sitting
room
which
had
been
assigned
me
as
a
study
during
my
visit
I
was
working
up
there
or
rather
trying
to
work
in
spite
of
the
outrageous
capering
of
some
very
primitive
elements
in
my
brain
when
she
came
up
to
me
under
a
transparent
pretext
of
looking
for
a
book
I
turned
round
and
then
got
up
at
the
sight
of
her
I
quite
forget
what
our
conversation
was
about
but
I
know
she
led
me
to
believe
I
might
kiss
her
Then
when
I
attempted
to
do
so
she
averted
her
face
How
COULD
you
she
said
I
didnt
mean
that
That
remained
the
state
of
our
relations
for
two
days
I
developed
a
growing
irritation
with
and
resentment
against
cousin
Sybil
combined
with
an
intense
desire
to
get
that
kiss
for
which
I
hungered
and
thirsted
Cousin
Sybil
went
about
in
the
happy
persuasion
that
I
was
madly
in
love
with
her
and
her
game
so
far
as
she
was
concerned
was
played
and
won
It
wasnt
until
I
had
fretted
for
two
days
that
I
realised
that
I
was
being
used
for
the
commonest
form
of
excitement
possible
to
a
commonplace
girl
that
dozens
perhaps
of
young
men
had
played
the
part
of
Tantalus
at
cousin
Sybils
lips
I
walked
about
my
room
at
nights
damning
her
and
calling
her
by
terms
which
on
the
whole
she
rather
deserved
while
Sybil
went
to
sleep
pitying
poor
old
Dick
Damn
it
I
said
I
WILL
be
equal
with
you
But
I
never
did
equalise
the
disadvantage
and
perhaps
its
as
well
for
I
fancy
that
sort
of
revenge
cuts
both
people
too
much
for
a
rational
man
to
seek
it
Why
are
men
so
silly
said
cousin
Sybil
next
morning
wriggling
back
with
down
bent
head
to
release
herself
from
what
should
have
been
a
compelling
embrace
Confound
it
I
said
with
a
flash
of
clear
vision
You
STARTED
this
game
Oh
She
stood
back
against
a
hedge
of
roses
a
little
flushed
and
excited
and
interested
and
ready
for
the
delightful
defensive
if
I
should
renew
my
attack
Beastly
hot
for
scuffling
I
said
white
with
anger
I
dont
know
whether
Im
so
keen
on
kissing
you
Sybil
after
all
I
just
thought
you
wanted
me
to
I
could
have
whipped
her
and
my
voice
stung
more
than
my
words
Our
eyes
met
a
real
hatred
in
hers
leaping
up
to
meet
mine
Lets
play
tennis
I
said
after
a
moments
pause
No
she
answered
shortly
Im
going
indoors
Very
well
And
that
ended
the
affair
with
Sybil
I
was
still
in
the
full
glare
of
this
disillusionment
when
Gertrude
awoke
from
some
preoccupation
to
an
interest
in
my
existence
She
developed
a
disposition
to
touch
my
hand
by
accident
and
let
her
fingers
rest
in
contact
with
it
for
a
moment
she
had
pleasant
soft
hands
she
began
to
drift
into
summer
houses
with
me
to
let
her
arm
rest
trustfully
against
mine
to
ask
questions
about
Cambridge
They
were
much
the
same
questions
that
Sybil
had
asked
But
I
controlled
myself
and
maintained
a
profile
of
intelligent
and
entirely
civil
indifference
to
her
blandishments
What
Gertrude
made
of
it
came
out
one
evening
in
some
talk
I
forget
about
what
with
Sybil
Oh
Dick
said
Gertrude
a
little
impatiently
Dicks
Pi
And
I
never
disillusioned
her
by
any
subsequent
levity
from
this
theory
of
my
innate
and
virginal
piety
6
It
was
against
this
harsh
and
crude
Staffordshire
background
that
I
think
I
must
have
seen
Margaret
for
the
first
time
I
say
I
think
because
it
is
quite
possible
that
we
had
passed
each
other
in
the
streets
of
Cambridge
no
doubt
with
that
affectation
of
mutual
disregard
which
was
once
customary
between
undergraduates
and
Newnham
girls
But
if
that
was
so
I
had
noted
nothing
of
the
slender
graciousness
that
shone
out
so
pleasingly
against
the
bleaker
midland
surroundings
She
was
a
younger
schoolfellow
of
my
cousins
and
the
step
daughter
of
Seddon
a
prominent
solicitor
of
Burslem
She
was
not
only
not
in
my
cousins
generation
but
not
in
their
set
she
was
one
of
a
small
hardworking
group
who
kept
immaculate
note
books
and
did
as
much
as
is
humanly
possible
of
that
insensate
pile
of
written
work
that
the
Girls
Public
School
movement
has
inflicted
upon
school
girls
She
really
learnt
French
and
German
admirably
and
thoroughly
she
got
as
far
in
mathematics
as
an
unflinching
industry
can
carry
any
one
with
no
great
natural
aptitude
and
she
went
up
to
Bennett
Hall
Newnham
after
the
usual
conflict
with
her
family
to
work
for
the
History
Tripos
There
in
her
third
year
she
made
herself
thoroughly
ill
through
overwork
so
ill
that
she
had
to
give
up
Newnham
altogether
and
go
abroad
with
her
stepmother
She
made
herself
ill
as
so
many
girls
do
in
those
university
colleges
through
the
badness
of
her
home
and
school
training
She
thought
study
must
needs
be
a
hard
straining
of
the
mind
She
worried
her
work
she
gave
herself
no
leisure
to
see
it
as
a
whole
she
felt
herself
not
making
headway
and
she
cut
her
games
and
exercise
in
order
to
increase
her
hours
of
toil
and
worked
into
the
night
She
carried
a
knack
of
laborious
thoroughness
into
the
blind
alleys
and
inessentials
of
her
subject
It
didnt
need
the
badness
of
the
food
for
which
Bennett
Hall
is
celebrated
and
the
remarkable
dietary
of
nocturnal
cocoa
cakes
and
soft
biscuits
with
which
the
girls
have
supplemented
it
to
ensure
her
collapse
Her
mother
brought
her
home
fretting
and
distressed
and
then
finding
her
hopelessly
unhappy
at
home
took
her
and
her
half
brother
a
rather
ailing
youngster
of
ten
who
died
three
years
later
for
a
journey
to
Italy
Italy
did
much
to
assuage
Margarets
chagrin
I
think
all
three
of
them
had
a
very
good
time
there
At
home
Mr
Seddon
her
step
father
played
the
part
of
a
well
meaning
blight
by
reason
of
the
moods
that
arose
from
nervous
dyspepsia
They
went
to
Florence
equipped
with
various
introductions
and
much
sound
advice
from
sympathetic
Cambridge
friends
and
having
acquired
an
ease
in
Italy
there
went
on
to
Siena
Orvieto
and
at
last
Rome
They
returned
if
I
remember
rightly
by
Pisa
Genoa
Milan
and
Paris
Six
months
or
more
they
had
had
abroad
and
now
Margaret
was
back
in
Burslem
in
health
again
and
consciously
a
very
civilised
person
New
ideas
were
abroad
it
was
Maytime
and
a
spring
of
abundant
flowers
daffodils
were
particularly
good
that
year
and
Mrs
Seddon
celebrated
her
return
by
giving
an
afternoon
reception
at
short
notice
with
the
clear
intention
of
letting
every
one
out
into
the
garden
if
the
weather
held
The
Seddons
had
a
big
old
farmhouse
modified
to
modern
ideas
of
comfort
on
the
road
out
towards
Misterton
with
an
orchard
that
had
been
rather
pleasantly
subdued
from
use
to
ornament
It
had
rich
blossoming
cherry
and
apple
trees
Large
patches
of
grass
full
of
nodding
yellow
trumpets
had
been
left
amidst
the
not
too
precisely
mown
grass
which
was
as
it
were
grass
path
with
an
occasional
lapse
into
lawn
or
glade
And
Margaret
hatless
with
the
fair
hair
above
her
thin
delicately
pink
face
very
simply
done
came
to
meet
our
rather
too
consciously
dressed
party
we
had
come
in
the
motor
four
strong
with
my
aunt
in
grey
silk
Margaret
wore
a
soft
flowing
flowered
blue
dress
of
diaphanous
material
all
unconnected
with
the
fashion
and
tied
with
pretty
ribbons
like
a
slenderer
unbountiful
Primavera
It
was
one
of
those
May
days
that
ape
the
light
and
heat
of
summer
and
I
remember
disconnectedly
quite
a
number
of
brightly
lit
figures
and
groups
walking
about
and
a
white
gate
between
orchard
and
garden
and
a
large
lawn
with
an
oak
tree
and
a
red
Georgian
house
with
a
verandah
and
open
French
windows
through
which
the
tea
drinking
had
come
out
upon
the
moss
edged
flagstones
even
as
Mrs
Seddon
had
planned
The
party
was
almost
entirely
feminine
except
for
a
little
curate
with
a
large
head
a
good
voice
and
a
radiant
manner
who
was
obviously
attracted
by
Margaret
and
two
or
three
young
husbands
still
sufficiently
addicted
to
their
wives
to
accompany
them
One
of
them
I
recall
as
a
quite
romantic
figure
with
abundant
blond
curly
hair
on
which
was
poised
a
grey
felt
hat
encircled
by
a
refined
black
band
He
wore
moreover
a
loose
rich
shot
silk
tie
of
red
and
purple
a
long
frock
coat
grey
trousers
and
brown
shoes
and
presently
he
removed
his
hat
and
carried
it
in
one
hand
There
were
two
tennis
playing
youths
besides
myself
There
was
also
one
father
with
three
daughters
in
anxious
control
a
father
of
the
old
school
scarcely
half
broken
in
reluctant
rebellious
and
consciously
and
conscientiously
reet
Staffordshire
The
daughters
were
all
alert
to
suppress
the
possible
plungings
the
undesirable
humorous
impulses
of
this
almost
feral
guest
They
nipped
his
very
gestures
in
the
bud
The
rest
of
the
people
were
mainly
mothers
with
daughters
daughters
of
all
ages
and
a
scattering
of
aunts
and
there
was
a
tendency
to
clotting
parties
kept
together
and
regarded
parties
suspiciously
Mr
Seddon
was
in
hiding
I
think
all
the
time
though
not
formally
absent
Matters
centred
upon
the
tea
in
the
long
room
of
the
French
windows
where
four
trim
maids
went
to
and
fro
busily
between
the
house
and
the
clumps
of
people
seated
or
standing
before
it
and
tennis
and
croquet
were
intermittently
visible
and
audible
beyond
a
bank
of
rockwork
rich
with
the
spikes
and
cups
and
bells
of
high
spring
Mrs
Seddon
presided
at
the
tea
urn
and
Margaret
partly
assisted
and
partly
talked
to
me
and
my
cousin
Sibyl
Gertrude
had
found
a
disused
and
faded
initial
and
was
partnering
him
at
tennis
in
a
state
of
gentle
revival
while
their
mother
exercised
a
divided
chaperonage
from
a
seat
near
Mrs
Seddon
The
little
curate
stirring
a
partially
empty
cup
of
tea
mingled
with
our
party
and
preluded
I
remember
every
observation
he
made
by
a
vigorous
resumption
of
stirring
We
talked
of
Cambridge
and
Margaret
kept
us
to
it
The
curate
was
a
Selwyn
man
and
had
taken
a
pass
degree
in
theology
but
Margaret
had
come
to
Gaylords
lecturers
in
Trinity
for
a
term
before
her
breakdown
and
understood
these
differences
She
had
the
eagerness
of
an
exile
to
hear
the
old
familiar
names
of
places
and
personalities
We
capped
familiar
anecdotes
and
were
enthusiastic
about
Kings
Chapel
and
the
Backs
and
the
curate
addressing
himself
more
particularly
to
Sibyl
told
a
long
confused
story
illustrative
of
his
disposition
to
reckless
devilry
of
a
pure
minded
kindly
sort
about
upsetting
two
canoes
quite
needlessly
on
the
way
to
Grantchester
I
can
still
see
Margaret
as
I
saw
her
that
afternoon
see
her
fresh
fair
face
with
the
little
obliquity
of
the
upper
lip
and
her
brow
always
slightly
knitted
and
her
manner
as
of
one
breathlessly
shy
but
determined
She
had
rather
open
blue
eyes
and
she
spoke
in
an
even
musical
voice
with
the
gentlest
of
stresses
and
the
ghost
of
a
lisp
And
it
was
true
she
gathered
that
Cambridge
still
existed
I
went
to
Grantchester
she
said
last
year
and
had
tea
under
the
apple
blossom
I
didnt
think
then
I
should
have
to
come
down
It
was
that
started
the
curate
upon
his
anecdote
Ive
seen
a
lot
of
pictures
and
learnt
a
lot
about
them
at
the
Pitti
and
the
Brera
the
Brera
is
wonderful
wonderful
places
but
it
isnt
like
real
study
she
was
saying
presently
We
bought
bales
of
photographs
she
said
I
thought
the
bales
a
little
out
of
keeping
But
fair
haired
and
quite
simply
and
yet
graciously
and
fancifully
dressed
talking
of
art
and
beautiful
things
and
a
beautiful
land
and
with
so
much
manifest
regret
for
learning
denied
she
seemed
a
different
kind
of
being
altogether
from
my
smart
hard
high
coloured
black
haired
and
resolutely
hatted
cousin
she
seemed
translucent
beside
Gertrude
Even
the
little
twist
and
droop
of
her
slender
body
was
a
grace
to
me
I
liked
her
from
the
moment
I
saw
her
and
set
myself
to
interest
and
please
her
as
well
as
I
knew
how
We
recalled
a
case
of
ragging
that
had
rustled
the
shrubs
of
Newnham
and
then
Chris
Robinsons
visit
he
had
given
a
talk
to
Bennett
Hall
also
and
our
impression
of
him
He
disappointed
me
too
said
Margaret
I
was
moved
to
tell
Margaret
something
of
my
own
views
in
the
matter
of
social
progress
and
she
listened
oh
with
a
kind
of
urged
attention
and
her
brow
a
little
more
knitted
very
earnestly
The
little
curate
desisted
from
the
appendices
and
refuse
heaps
and
general
debris
of
his
story
and
made
himself
look
very
alert
and
intelligent
We
did
a
lot
of
that
when
I
was
up
in
the
eighties
he
said
Im
glad
Imperialism
hasnt
swamped
you
fellows
altogether
Gertrude
looking
bright
and
confident
came
to
join
our
talk
from
the
shrubbery
the
initial
a
little
flushed
and
evidently
in
a
state
of
refreshed
relationship
came
with
her
and
a
cheerful
lady
in
pink
and
more
particularly
distinguished
by
a
pink
bonnet
joined
our
little
group
Gertrude
had
been
sipping
admiration
and
was
not
disposed
to
play
a
passive
part
in
the
talk
Socialism
she
cried
catching
the
word
Its
well
Pa
isnt
here
He
has
Fits
when
people
talk
of
socialism
Fits
The
initial
laughed
in
a
general
kind
of
way
The
curate
said
there
was
socialism
AND
socialism
and
looked
at
Margaret
to
gauge
whether
he
had
been
too
bold
in
this
utterance
But
she
was
all
he
perceived
for
broad
mindness
and
he
stirred
himself
and
incidentally
his
tea
to
still
more
liberality
of
expression
He
said
the
state
of
the
poor
was
appalling
simply
appalling
that
there
were
times
when
he
wanted
to
shatter
the
whole
system
only
he
said
turning
to
me
appealingly
What
have
we
got
to
put
in
its
place
The
thing
that
exists
is
always
the
more
evident
alternative
I
said
The
little
curate
looked
at
it
for
a
moment
Precisely
he
said
explosively
and
turned
stirring
and
with
his
head
a
little
on
one
side
to
hear
what
Margaret
was
saying
Margaret
was
saying
with
a
swift
blush
and
an
effect
of
daring
that
she
had
no
doubt
she
was
a
socialist
And
wearing
a
gold
chain
said
Gertrude
And
drinking
out
of
eggshell
I
like
that
I
came
to
Margarets
rescue
It
doesnt
follow
that
because
ones
a
socialist
one
ought
to
dress
in
sackcloth
and
ashes
The
initial
coloured
deeply
and
having
secured
my
attention
by
prodding
me
slightly
with
the
wrist
of
the
hand
that
held
his
teacup
cleared
his
throat
and
suggested
that
one
ought
to
be
consistent
I
perceived
we
were
embarked
upon
a
discussion
of
the
elements
We
began
an
interesting
little
wrangle
one
of
those
crude
discussions
of
general
ideas
that
are
dear
to
the
heart
of
youth
I
and
Margaret
supported
one
another
as
socialists
Gertrude
and
Sybil
and
the
initial
maintained
an
anti
socialist
position
the
curate
attempted
a
cross
bench
position
with
an
air
of
intending
to
come
down
upon
us
presently
with
a
casting
vote
He
reminded
us
of
a
number
of
useful
principles
too
often
overlooked
in
argument
that
in
a
big
question
like
this
there
was
much
to
be
said
on
both
sides
that
if
every
one
did
his
or
her
duty
to
every
one
about
them
there
would
be
no
difficulty
with
social
problems
at
all
that
over
and
above
all
enactments
we
needed
moral
changes
in
people
themselves
My
cousin
Gertrude
was
a
difficult
controversialist
to
manage
being
unconscious
of
inconsistency
in
statement
and
absolutely
impervious
to
reply
Her
standpoint
was
essentially
materialistic
she
didnt
see
why
she
shouldnt
have
a
good
time
because
other
people
didnt
they
would
have
a
good
time
she
was
sure
if
she
didnt
She
said
that
if
we
did
give
up
everything
we
had
to
other
people
they
wouldnt
very
likely
know
what
to
do
with
it
She
asked
if
we
were
so
fond
of
work
people
why
we
didnt
go
and
live
among
them
and
expressed
the
inflexible
persuasion
that
if
we
HAD
socialism
everything
would
be
just
the
same
again
in
ten
years
time
She
also
threw
upon
us
the
imputation
of
ingratitude
for
a
beautiful
world
by
saying
that
so
far
as
she
was
concerned
she
didnt
want
to
upset
everything
She
was
contented
with
things
as
they
were
thank
you
The
discussion
led
in
some
way
that
I
dont
in
the
least
recall
now
and
possibly
by
abrupt
transitions
to
a
croquet
foursome
in
which
Margaret
involved
the
curate
without
involving
herself
and
then
stood
beside
me
on
the
edge
of
the
lawn
while
the
others
played
We
watched
silently
for
a
moment
I
HATE
that
sort
of
view
she
said
suddenly
in
a
confidential
undertone
with
her
delicate
pink
flush
returning
Its
want
of
imagination
I
said
To
think
we
are
just
to
enjoy
ourselves
she
went
on
just
to
go
on
dressing
and
playing
and
having
meals
and
spending
money
She
seemed
to
be
referring
not
simply
to
my
cousins
but
to
the
whole
world
of
industry
and
property
about
us
But
what
is
one
to
do
she
asked
I
do
wish
I
had
not
had
to
come
down
Its
all
so
pointless
here
There
seems
to
be
nothing
going
forward
no
ideas
no
dreams
No
one
here
seems
to
feel
quite
what
I
feel
the
sort
of
need
there
is
for
MEANING
in
things
I
hate
things
without
meaning
Dont
you
do
local
work
I
suppose
I
shall
I
suppose
I
must
find
something
Do
you
think
if
one
were
to
attempt
some
sort
of
propaganda
Could
you
I
began
a
little
doubtfully
I
suppose
I
couldnt
she
answered
after
a
thoughtful
moment
I
suppose
it
would
come
to
nothing
And
yet
I
feel
there
is
so
much
to
be
done
for
the
world
so
much
one
ought
to
be
doing
I
want
to
do
something
for
the
world
I
can
see
her
now
as
she
stood
there
with
her
brows
nearly
frowning
her
blue
eyes
looking
before
her
her
mouth
almost
petulant
One
feels
that
there
are
so
many
things
going
on
out
of
ones
reach
she
said
I
went
back
in
the
motor
car
with
my
mind
full
of
her
the
quality
of
delicate
discontent
the
suggestion
of
exile
Even
a
kind
of
weakness
in
her
was
sympathetic
She
told
tremendously
against
her
background
She
was
I
say
like
a
protesting
blue
flower
upon
a
cinder
heap
It
is
curious
too
how
she
connects
and
mingles
with
the
furious
quarrel
I
had
with
my
uncle
that
very
evening
That
came
absurdly
Indirectly
Margaret
was
responsible
My
mind
was
running
on
ideas
she
had
revived
and
questions
she
had
set
clamouring
and
quite
inadvertently
in
my
attempt
to
find
solutions
I
talked
so
as
to
outrage
his
profoundest
feelings
7
What
a
preposterous
shindy
that
was
I
sat
with
him
in
the
smoking
room
propounding
what
I
considered
to
be
the
most
indisputable
and
non
contentious
propositions
conceivable
until
to
my
infinite
amazement
he
exploded
and
called
me
a
damned
young
puppy
It
was
seismic
Tremendously
interesting
time
I
said
just
in
the
beginning
of
making
a
civilisation
Ah
he
said
with
an
averted
face
and
nodded
leaning
forward
over
his
cigar
I
had
not
the
remotest
thought
of
annoying
him
Monstrous
muddle
of
things
we
have
got
I
said
jumbled
streets
ugly
population
ugly
factories
Youd
do
a
sight
better
if
you
had
to
do
with
it
said
my
uncle
regarding
me
askance
Not
me
But
a
world
that
had
a
collective
plan
and
knew
where
it
meant
to
be
going
would
do
a
sight
better
anyhow
Were
all
swimming
in
a
flood
of
ill
calculated
chances
Youll
be
making
out
I
organised
that
business
down
there
by
chance
next
said
my
uncle
his
voice
thick
with
challenge
I
went
on
as
though
I
was
back
in
Trinity
Theres
a
lot
of
chance
in
the
making
of
all
great
businesses
I
said
My
uncle
remarked
that
that
showed
how
much
I
knew
about
businesses
If
chance
made
businesses
why
was
it
that
he
always
succeeded
and
grew
while
those
fools
Ackroyd
and
Sons
always
took
second
place
He
showed
a
disposition
to
tell
the
glorious
history
of
how
once
Ackroyds
overshadowed
him
and
how
now
he
could
buy
up
Ackroyds
three
times
over
But
I
wanted
to
get
out
what
was
in
my
mind
Oh
I
said
as
between
man
and
man
and
business
and
business
some
of
course
get
the
pull
by
this
quality
or
that
but
its
forces
quite
outside
the
individual
case
that
make
the
big
part
of
any
success
under
modern
conditions
YOU
never
invented
pottery
nor
any
process
in
pottery
that
matters
a
rap
in
your
works
it
wasnt
YOUR
foresight
that
joined
all
England
up
with
railways
and
made
it
possible
to
organise
production
on
an
altogether
different
scale
You
really
at
the
utmost
cant
take
credit
for
much
more
than
being
the
sort
of
man
who
happened
to
fit
what
happened
to
be
the
requirements
of
the
time
and
who
happened
to
be
in
a
position
to
take
advantage
of
them
It
was
then
my
uncle
cried
out
and
called
me
a
damned
young
puppy
and
became
involved
in
some
unexpected
trouble
of
his
own
I
woke
up
as
it
were
from
my
analysis
of
the
situation
to
discover
him
bent
over
a
splendid
spittoon
cursing
incoherently
retching
a
little
and
spitting
out
the
end
of
his
cigar
which
he
had
bitten
off
in
his
last
attempt
at
self
control
and
withal
fully
prepared
as
soon
as
he
had
cleared
for
action
to
give
me
just
all
that
he
considered
to
be
the
contents
of
his
mind
upon
the
condition
of
mine
Well
why
shouldnt
I
talk
my
mind
to
him
Hed
never
had
an
outside
view
of
himself
for
years
and
I
resolved
to
stand
up
to
him
We
went
at
it
hammer
and
tongs
It
became
clear
that
he
supposed
me
to
be
a
Socialist
a
zealous
embittered
hater
of
all
ownership
and
also
an
educated
man
of
the
vilest
most
pretentiously
superior
description
His
principal
grievance
was
that
I
thought
I
knew
everything
to
that
he
recurred
again
and
again
We
had
been
maintaining
an
armed
truce
with
each
other
since
my
resolve
to
go
up
to
Cambridge
and
now
we
had
out
all
that
had
accumulated
between
us
There
had
been
stupendous
accumulations
The
particular
things
we
said
and
did
in
that
bawlmg
encounter
matter
nothing
at
all
in
this
story
I
cant
now
estimate
how
near
we
came
to
fisticuffs
It
ended
with
my
saying
after
a
pungent
reminder
of
benefits
conferred
and
remembered
that
I
didnt
want
to
stay
another
hour
in
his
house
I
went
upstairs
in
a
state
of
puerile
fury
to
pack
and
go
off
to
the
Railway
Hotel
while
he
with
ironical
civility
telephoned
for
a
cab
Good
riddance
shouted
my
uncle
seeing
me
off
into
the
night
On
the
face
of
it
our
row
was
preposterous
but
the
underlying
reality
of
our
quarrel
was
the
essential
antagonism
it
seemed
to
me
in
all
human
affairs
the
antagonism
between
ideas
and
the
established
method
that
is
to
say
between
ideas
and
the
rule
of
thumb
The
world
I
hate
is
the
rule
of
thumb
world
the
thing
I
and
my
kind
of
people
exist
for
primarily
is
to
battle
with
that
to
annoy
it
disarrange
it
reconstruct
it
We
question
everything
disturb
anything
that
cannot
give
a
clear
justification
to
our
questioning
because
we
believe
inherently
that
our
sense
of
disorder
implies
the
possibility
of
a
better
order
Of
course
we
are
detestable
My
uncle
was
of
that
other
vaster
mass
who
accept
everything
for
the
thing
it
seems
to
be
hate
enquiry
and
analysis
as
a
tramp
hates
washing
dread
and
resist
change
oppose
experiment
despise
science
The
world
is
our
battleground
and
all
history
all
literature
that
matters
all
science
deals
with
this
conflict
of
the
thing
that
is
and
the
speculative
if
that
will
destroy
it
But
that
is
why
I
did
not
see
Margaret
Seddon
again
for
five
years
CHAPTER
THE
SECOND
MARGARET
IN
LONDON
1
I
was
twenty
seven
when
I
met
Margaret
again
and
the
intervening
five
years
had
been
years
of
vigorous
activity
for
me
if
not
of
very
remarkable
growth
When
I
saw
her
again
I
could
count
myself
a
grown
man
I
think
indeed
I
counted
myself
more
completely
grown
than
I
was
At
any
rate
by
all
ordinary
standards
I
had
got
on
very
well
and
my
ideas
if
they
had
not
changed
very
greatly
had
become
much
more
definite
and
my
ambitions
clearer
and
bolder
I
had
long
since
abandoned
my
fellowship
and
come
to
London
I
had
published
two
books
that
had
been
talked
about
written
several
articles
and
established
a
regular
relationship
with
the
WEEKLY
REVIEW
and
the
EVENING
GAZETTE
I
was
a
member
of
the
Eighty
Club
and
learning
to
adapt
the
style
of
the
Cambridge
Union
to
larger
uses
The
London
world
had
opened
out
to
me
very
readily
I
had
developed
a
pleasant
variety
of
social
connections
I
had
made
the
acquaintance
of
Mr
Evesham
who
had
been
attracted
by
my
NEW
RULER
and
who
talked
about
it
and
me
and
so
did
a
very
great
deal
to
make
a
way
for
me
into
the
company
of
prominent
and
amusing
people
I
dined
out
quite
frequently
The
glitter
and
interest
of
good
London
dinner
parties
became
a
common
experience
I
liked
the
sort
of
conversation
one
got
at
them
extremely
the
little
glow
of
duologues
burning
up
into
more
general
discussions
the
closing
in
of
the
men
after
the
going
of
the
women
the
sage
substantial
masculine
gossiping
the
later
resumption
of
effective
talk
with
some
pleasant
woman
graciously
at
her
best
I
had
a
wide
range
of
houses
Cambridge
had
linked
me
to
one
or
two
correlated
sets
of
artistic
and
literary
people
and
my
books
and
Mr
Evesham
and
opened
to
me
the
big
vague
world
of
society
I
wasnt
aggressive
nor
particularly
snobbish
nor
troublesome
sometimes
I
talked
well
and
if
I
had
nothing
interesting
to
say
I
said
as
little
as
possible
and
I
had
a
youthful
gravity
of
manner
that
was
liked
by
hostesses
And
the
other
side
of
my
nature
that
first
flared
through
the
cover
of
restraints
at
Locarno
that
too
had
had
opportunity
to
develop
along
the
line
London
renders
practicable
I
had
had
my
experiences
and
secrets
and
adventures
among
that
fringe
of
ill
mated
or
erratic
or
discredited
women
the
London
world
possesses
The
thing
had
long
ago
ceased
to
be
a
matter
of
magic
or
mystery
and
had
become
a
question
of
appetites
and
excitement
and
among
other
things
the
excitement
of
not
being
found
out
I
write
rather
doubtfully
of
my
growing
during
this
period
Indeed
I
find
it
hard
to
judge
whether
I
can
say
that
I
grew
at
all
in
any
real
sense
of
the
word
between
three
and
twenty
and
twenty
seven
It
seems
to
me
now
to
have
been
rather
a
phase
of
realisation
and
clarification
All
the
broad
lines
of
my
thought
were
laid
down
I
am
sure
by
the
date
of
my
Locarno
adventure
but
in
those
five
years
I
discussed
things
over
and
over
again
with
myself
and
others
filled
out
with
concrete
fact
forms
I
had
at
first
apprehended
sketchily
and
conversationally
measured
my
powers
against
my
ideals
and
the
forces
in
the
world
about
me
It
was
evident
that
many
men
no
better
than
myself
and
with
no
greater
advantages
than
mine
had
raised
themselves
to
influential
and
even
decisive
positions
in
the
worlds
of
politics
and
thought
I
was
gathering
the
confidence
and
knowledge
necessary
to
attack
the
world
in
the
large
manner
I
found
I
could
write
and
that
people
would
let
me
write
if
I
chose
as
one
having
authority
and
not
as
the
scribes
Socially
and
politically
and
intellectually
I
knew
myself
for
an
honest
man
and
that
quite
without
any
deliberation
on
my
part
this
showed
and
made
things
easy
for
me
People
trusted
my
good
faith
from
the
beginning
for
all
that
I
came
from
nowhere
and
had
no
better
position
than
any
adventurer
But
the
growth
process
was
arrested
I
was
nothing
bigger
at
twenty
seven
than
at
twenty
two
however
much
saner
and
stronger
and
any
one
looking
closely
into
my
mind
during
that
period
might
well
have
imagined
growth
finished
altogether
It
is
particularly
evident
to
me
now
that
I
came
no
nearer
to
any
understanding
of
women
during
that
time
That
Locarno
affair
was
infinitely
more
to
me
than
I
had
supposed
It
ended
something
nipped
something
in
the
bud
perhaps
took
me
at
a
stride
from
a
vague
fine
ignorant
closed
world
of
emotion
to
intrigue
and
a
perfectly
definite
and
limited
sensuality
It
ended
my
youth
and
for
a
time
it
prevented
my
manhood
I
had
never
yet
even
peeped
at
the
sweetest
profoundest
thing
in
the
world
the
heart
and
meaning
of
a
girl
or
dreamt
with
any
quality
of
reality
of
a
wife
or
any
such
thing
as
a
friend
among
womanhood
My
vague
anticipation
of
such
things
in
life
had
vanished
altogether
I
turned
away
from
their
possibility
It
seemed
to
me
I
knew
what
had
to
be
known
about
womankind
I
wanted
to
work
hard
to
get
on
to
a
position
in
which
I
could
develop
and
forward
my
constructive
projects
Women
I
thought
had
nothing
to
do
with
that
It
seemed
clear
I
could
not
marry
for
some
years
I
was
attractive
to
certain
types
of
women
I
had
vanity
enough
to
give
me
an
agreeable
confidence
in
love
making
and
I
went
about
seeking
a
convenient
mistress
quite
deliberately
some
one
who
should
serve
my
purpose
and
say
in
the
end
like
that
kindly
first
mistress
of
mine
Ive
done
you
no
harm
and
so
release
me
It
seemed
the
only
wise
way
of
disposing
of
urgencies
that
might
otherwise
entangle
and
wreck
the
career
I
was
intent
upon
I
dont
apologise
for
or
defend
my
mental
and
moral
phases
So
it
was
I
appraised
life
and
prepared
to
take
it
and
so
it
is
a
thousand
ambitious
men
see
it
to
day
For
the
rest
these
five
years
were
a
period
of
definition
My
political
conceptions
were
perfectly
plain
and
honest
I
had
one
constant
desire
ruling
my
thoughts
I
meant
to
leave
England
and
the
empire
better
ordered
than
I
found
it
to
organise
and
discipline
to
build
up
a
constructive
and
controlling
State
out
of
my
worlds
confusions
We
had
I
saw
to
suffuse
education
with
public
intention
to
develop
a
new
better
living
generation
with
a
collectivist
habit
of
thought
to
link
now
chaotic
activities
in
every
human
affair
and
particularly
to
catch
that
escaped
world
making
world
ruining
dangerous
thing
industrial
and
financial
enterprise
and
bring
it
back
to
the
service
of
the
general
good
I
had
then
the
precise
image
that
still
serves
me
as
a
symbol
for
all
I
wish
to
bring
about
the
image
of
an
engineer
building
a
lock
in
a
swelling
torrent
with
water
pressure
as
his
only
source
of
power
My
thoughts
and
acts
were
habitually
turned
to
that
enterprise
it
gave
shape
and
direction
to
all
my
life
The
problem
that
most
engaged
my
mind
during
those
years
was
the
practical
and
personal
problem
of
just
where
to
apply
myself
to
serve
this
almost
innate
purpose
How
was
I
a
child
of
this
confusion
struggling
upward
through
the
confusion
to
take
hold
of
things
Somewhere
between
politics
and
literature
my
grip
must
needs
be
found
but
where
Always
I
seem
to
have
been
looking
for
that
in
those
opening
years
and
disregarding
everything
else
to
discover
it
2
The
Baileys
under
whose
auspices
I
met
Margaret
again
were
in
the
sharpest
contrast
with
the
narrow
industrialism
of
the
Staffordshire
world
They
were
indeed
at
the
other
extreme
of
the
scale
two
active
self
centred
people
excessively
devoted
to
the
public
service
It
was
natural
I
should
gravitate
to
them
for
they
seemed
to
stand
for
the
maturer
more
disciplined
better
informed
expression
of
all
I
was
then
urgent
to
attempt
to
do
The
bulk
of
their
friends
were
politicians
or
public
officials
they
described
themselves
as
publicists
a
vague
yet
sufficiently
significant
term
They
lived
and
worked
in
a
hard
little
house
in
Chambers
Street
Westminster
and
made
a
centre
for
quite
an
astonishing
amount
of
political
and
social
activity
Willersley
took
me
there
one
evening
The
place
was
almost
pretentiously
matter
of
fact
and
unassuming
The
narrow
passage
hall
papered
with
some
ancient
yellowish
paper
grained
to
imitate
wood
was
choked
with
hats
and
cloaks
and
an
occasional
feminine
wrap
Motioned
rather
than
announced
by
a
tall
Scotch
servant
woman
the
only
domestic
I
ever
remember
seeing
there
we
made
our
way
up
a
narrow
staircase
past
the
open
door
of
a
small
study
packed
with
blue
books
to
discover
Altiora
Bailey
receiving
before
the
fireplace
in
her
drawing
room
She
was
a
tall
commanding
figure
splendid
but
a
little
untidy
in
black
silk
and
red
beads
with
dark
eyes
that
had
no
depths
with
a
clear
hard
voice
that
had
an
almost
visible
prominence
aquiline
features
and
straight
black
hair
that
was
apt
to
get
astray
that
was
now
astray
like
the
head
feathers
of
an
eagle
in
a
gale
She
stood
with
her
hands
behind
her
back
and
talked
in
a
high
tenor
of
a
projected
Town
Planning
Bill
with
Blupp
who
was
practically
in
those
days
the
secretary
of
the
local
Government
Board
A
very
short
broad
man
with
thick
ears
and
fat
white
hands
writhing
intertwined
behind
him
stood
with
his
back
to
us
eager
to
bark
interruptions
into
Altioras
discourse
A
slender
girl
in
pale
blue
manifestly
a
young
political
wife
stood
with
one
foot
on
the
fender
listening
with
an
expression
of
entirely
puzzled
propitiation
A
tall
sandy
bearded
bishop
with
the
expression
of
a
man
in
a
trance
completed
this
central
group
The
room
was
one
of
those
long
apartments
once
divided
by
folding
doors
and
reaching
from
back
to
front
that
are
common
upon
the
first
floors
of
London
houses
Its
walls
were
hung
with
two
or
three
indifferent
water
colours
there
was
scarcely
any
furniture
but
a
sofa
or
so
and
a
chair
and
the
floor
severely
carpeted
with
matting
was
crowded
with
a
curious
medley
of
people
men
predominating
Several
were
in
evening
dress
but
most
had
the
morning
garb
of
the
politician
the
women
were
either
severely
rational
or
radiantly
magnificent
Willersley
pointed
out
to
me
the
wife
of
the
Secretary
of
State
for
War
and
I
recognised
the
Duchess
of
Clynes
who
at
that
time
cultivated
intellectuality
I
looked
round
identifying
a
face
here
or
there
and
stepping
back
trod
on
some
ones
toe
and
turned
to
find
it
belonged
to
the
Right
Hon
G
B
Mottisham
dear
to
the
PUNCH
caricaturists
He
received
my
apology
with
that
intentional
charm
that
is
one
of
his
most
delightful
traits
and
resumed
his
discussion
Beside
him
was
Esmeer
of
Trinity
whom
I
had
not
seen
since
my
Cambridge
days
Willersley
found
an
ex
member
of
the
School
Board
for
whom
he
had
affinities
and
left
me
to
exchange
experiences
and
comments
upon
the
company
with
Esmeer
Esmeer
was
still
a
don
but
he
was
nibbling
he
said
at
certain
negotiations
with
the
TIMES
that
might
bring
him
down
to
London
He
wanted
to
come
to
London
We
peep
at
things
from
Cambridge
he
said
This
sort
of
thing
I
said
makes
London
necessary
Its
the
oddest
gathering
Every
one
comes
here
said
Esmeer
Mostly
we
hate
them
like
poison
jealousy
and
little
irritations
Altiora
can
be
a
horror
at
times
but
we
HAVE
to
come
Things
are
being
done
Oh
no
doubt
of
it
Its
one
of
the
parts
of
the
British
machinery
that
doesnt
show
But
nobody
else
could
do
it
Two
people
said
Esmeer
whove
planned
to
be
a
power
in
an
original
way
And
by
Jove
theyve
done
it
I
did
not
for
some
time
pick
out
Oscar
Bailey
and
then
Esmeer
showed
him
to
me
in
elaborately
confidential
talk
in
a
corner
with
a
distinguished
looking
stranger
wearing
a
ribbon
Oscar
had
none
of
the
fine
appearance
of
his
wife
he
was
a
short
sturdy
figure
with
a
rounded
protruding
abdomen
and
a
curious
broad
flattened
clean
shaven
face
that
seemed
nearly
all
forehead
He
was
of
Anglo
Hungarian
extraction
and
I
have
always
fancied
something
Mongolian
in
his
type
He
peered
up
with
reddish
swollen
looking
eyes
over
gilt
edged
glasses
that
were
divided
horizontally
into
portions
of
different
refractive
power
and
he
talking
in
an
ingratiating
undertone
with
busy
thin
lips
an
eager
lisp
and
nervous
movements
of
the
hand
People
say
that
thirty
years
before
at
Oxford
he
was
almost
exactly
the
same
eager
clever
little
man
he
was
when
I
first
met
him
He
had
come
up
to
Balliol
bristling
with
extraordinary
degrees
and
prizes
capturned
in
provincial
and
Irish
and
Scotch
universities
and
had
made
a
name
for
himself
as
the
most
formidable
dealer
in
exact
fact
the
rhetoricians
of
the
Union
had
ever
had
to
encounter
From
Oxford
he
had
gone
on
to
a
position
in
the
Higher
Division
of
the
Civil
Service
I
think
in
the
War
Office
and
had
speedily
made
a
place
for
himself
as
a
political
journalist
He
was
a
particularly
neat
controversialist
and
very
full
of
political
and
sociological
ideas
He
had
a
quite
astounding
memory
for
facts
and
a
mastery
of
detailed
analysis
and
the
time
afforded
scope
for
these
gifts
The
later
eighties
were
full
of
politico
social
discussion
and
he
became
a
prominent
name
upon
the
contents
list
of
the
NINETEENTH
CENTURY
the
FORTNIGHTLY
and
CONTEMPORARY
chiefly
as
a
half
sympathetic
but
frequently
very
damaging
critic
of
the
socialism
of
that
period
He
won
the
immense
respect
of
every
one
specially
interested
in
social
and
political
questions
he
soon
achieved
the
limited
distinction
that
is
awarded
such
capacity
and
at
that
I
think
he
would
have
remained
for
the
rest
of
his
life
if
he
had
not
encountered
Altiora
But
Altiora
Macvitie
was
an
altogether
exceptional
woman
an
extraordinary
mixture
of
qualities
the
one
woman
in
the
world
who
could
make
something
more
out
of
Bailey
than
that
She
had
much
of
the
vigour
and
handsomeness
of
a
slender
impudent
young
man
and
an
unscrupulousness
altogether
feminine
She
was
one
of
those
women
who
are
waiting
in
what
is
the
word
muliebrity
She
had
courage
and
initiative
and
a
philosophical
way
of
handling
questions
and
she
could
be
bored
by
regular
work
like
a
man
She
was
entirely
unfitted
for
her
sexs
sphere
She
was
neither
uncertain
coy
nor
hard
to
please
and
altogether
too
stimulating
and
aggressive
for
any
gentlemans
hours
of
ease
Her
cookery
would
have
been
about
as
sketchy
as
her
handwriting
which
was
generally
quite
illegible
and
she
would
have
made
I
feel
sure
a
shocking
bad
nurse
Yet
you
mustnt
imagine
she
was
an
inelegant
or
unbeautiful
woman
and
she
is
inconceivable
to
me
in
high
collars
or
any
sort
of
masculine
garment
But
her
soul
was
bony
and
at
the
base
of
her
was
a
vanity
gaunt
and
greedy
When
she
wasnt
in
a
state
of
personal
untidiness
that
was
partly
a
protest
against
the
waste
of
hours
exacted
by
the
toilet
and
partly
a
natural
disinclination
she
had
a
gypsy
splendour
of
black
and
red
and
silver
all
her
own
And
somewhen
in
the
early
nineties
she
met
and
married
Bailey
I
know
very
little
about
her
early
years
She
was
the
only
daughter
of
Sir
Deighton
Macvitie
who
applied
the
iodoform
process
to
cotton
and
only
his
subsequent
unfortunate
attempts
to
become
a
Cotton
King
prevented
her
being
a
very
rich
woman
As
it
was
she
had
a
tolerable
independence
She
came
into
prominence
as
one
of
the
more
able
of
the
little
shoal
of
young
women
who
were
led
into
politico
philanthropic
activities
by
the
influence
of
the
earlier
novels
of
Mrs
Humphry
Ward
the
Marcella
crop
She
went
slumming
with
distinguished
vigour
which
was
quite
usual
in
those
days
and
returned
from
her
experiences
as
an
amateur
flower
girl
with
clear
and
original
views
about
the
problem
which
is
and
always
had
been
unusual
She
had
not
married
I
suppose
because
her
standards
were
high
and
men
are
cowards
and
with
an
instinctive
appetite
for
muliebrity
She
had
kept
house
for
her
father
by
speaking
occasionally
to
the
housekeeper
butler
and
cook
her
mother
had
left
her
and
gathering
the
most
interesting
dinner
parties
she
could
and
had
married
off
four
orphan
nieces
in
a
harsh
and
successful
manner
After
her
fathers
smash
and
death
she
came
out
as
a
writer
upon
social
questions
and
a
scathing
critic
of
the
Charity
Organisation
Society
and
she
was
three
and
thirty
and
a
little
at
loose
ends
when
she
met
Oscar
Bailey
so
to
speak
in
the
CONTEMPORARY
REVIEW
The
lurking
woman
in
her
nature
was
fascinated
by
the
ease
and
precision
with
which
the
little
man
rolled
over
all
sorts
of
important
and
authoritative
people
she
was
the
first
to
discover
a
sort
of
imaginative
bigness
in
his
still
growing
mind
the
forehead
perhaps
carried
him
off
physically
and
she
took
occasion
to
meet
and
subjugate
him
and
so
soon
as
he
had
sufficiently
recovered
from
his
abject
humility
and
a
certain
panic
at
her
attentions
marry
him
This
had
opened
a
new
phase
in
the
lives
of
Bailey
and
herself
The
two
supplemented
each
other
to
an
extraordinary
extent
Their
subsequent
career
was
I
think
almost
entirely
her
invention
She
was
aggressive
imaginative
and
had
a
great
capacity
for
ideas
while
he
was
almost
destitute
of
initiative
and
could
do
nothing
with
ideas
except
remember
and
discuss
them
She
was
if
not
exact
at
least
indolent
with
a
strong
disposition
to
save
energy
by
sketching
even
her
handwriting
showed
that
while
he
was
inexhaustibly
industrious
with
a
relentless
invariable
caligraphy
that
grew
larger
and
clearer
as
the
years
passed
by
She
had
a
considerable
power
of
charming
she
could
be
just
as
nice
to
people
and
incidentally
just
as
nasty
as
she
wanted
to
be
He
was
always
just
the
same
a
little
confidential
and
SOTTO
VOCE
artlessly
rude
and
egoistic
in
an
undignified
way
She
had
considerable
social
experience
good
social
connections
and
considerable
social
ambition
while
he
had
none
of
these
things
She
saw
in
a
flash
her
opportunity
to
redeem
his
defects
use
his
powers
and
do
large
novel
rather
startling
things
She
ran
him
Her
marriage
which
shocked
her
friends
and
relations
beyond
measure
for
a
time
they
would
only
speak
of
Bailey
as
that
gnome
was
a
stroke
of
genius
and
forthwith
they
proceeded
to
make
themselves
the
most
formidable
and
distinguished
couple
conceivable
P
B
P
she
boasted
was
engraved
inside
their
wedding
rings
Pro
Bono
Publico
and
she
meant
it
to
be
no
idle
threat
She
had
discovered
very
early
that
the
last
thing
influential
people
will
do
is
to
work
Everything
in
their
lives
tends
to
make
them
dependent
upon
a
supply
of
confidently
administered
detail
Their
business
is
with
the
window
and
not
the
stock
behind
and
in
the
end
they
are
dependent
upon
the
stock
behind
for
what
goes
into
the
window
She
linked
with
that
the
fact
that
Bailey
had
a
mind
as
orderly
as
a
museum
and
an
invincible
power
over
detail
She
saw
that
if
two
people
took
the
necessary
pains
to
know
the
facts
of
government
and
administration
with
precision
to
gather
together
knowledge
that
was
dispersed
and
confused
to
be
able
to
say
precisely
what
had
to
be
done
and
what
avoided
in
this
eventuality
or
that
they
would
necessarily
become
a
centre
of
reference
for
all
sorts
of
legislative
proposals
and
political
expedients
and
she
went
unhesitatingly
upon
that
Bailey
under
her
vigorous
direction
threw
up
his
post
in
the
Civil
Service
and
abandoned
sporadic
controversies
and
they
devoted
themselves
to
the
elaboration
and
realisation
of
this
centre
of
public
information
she
had
conceived
as
their
role
They
set
out
to
study
the
methods
and
organisation
and
realities
of
government
in
the
most
elaborate
manner
They
did
the
work
as
no
one
had
ever
hitherto
dreamt
of
doing
it
They
planned
the
research
on
a
thoroughly
satisfying
scale
and
arranged
their
lives
almost
entirely
for
it
They
took
that
house
in
Chambers
Street
and
furnished
it
with
severe
economy
they
discovered
that
Scotch
domestic
who
is
destined
to
be
the
guardian
and
tyrant
of
their
declining
years
and
they
set
to
work
Their
first
book
The
Permanent
Official
fills
three
plump
volumes
and
took
them
and
their
two
secretaries
upwards
of
four
years
to
do
It
is
an
amazingly
good
book
an
enduring
achievement
In
a
hundred
directions
the
history
and
the
administrative
treatment
of
the
public
service
was
clarified
for
all
time
They
worked
regularly
every
morning
from
nine
to
twelve
they
lunched
lightly
but
severely
in
the
afternoon
they
took
exercise
or
Bailey
attended
meetings
of
the
London
School
Board
on
which
he
served
he
said
for
the
purposes
of
study
he
also
became
a
railway
director
for
the
same
end
In
the
late
afternoon
Altiora
was
at
home
to
various
callers
and
in
the
evening
came
dinner
or
a
reception
or
both
Her
dinners
and
gatherings
were
a
very
important
feature
in
their
scheme
She
got
together
all
sorts
of
interesting
people
in
or
about
the
public
service
she
mixed
the
obscurely
efficient
with
the
ill
instructed
famous
and
the
rudderless
rich
got
together
in
one
room
more
of
the
factors
in
our
strange
jumble
of
a
public
life
than
had
ever
met
easily
before
She
fed
them
with
a
shameless
austerity
that
kept
the
conversation
brilliant
on
a
soup
a
plain
fish
and
mutton
or
boiled
fowl
and
milk
pudding
with
nothing
to
drink
but
whisky
and
soda
and
hot
and
cold
water
and
milk
and
lemonade
Everybody
was
soon
very
glad
indeed
to
come
to
that
She
boasted
how
little
her
housekeeping
cost
her
and
sought
constantly
for
fresh
economies
that
would
enable
her
she
said
to
sustain
an
additional
private
secretary
Secretaries
were
the
Baileys
one
extravagance
they
loved
to
think
of
searches
going
on
in
the
British
Museum
and
letters
being
cleared
up
and
precis
made
overhead
while
they
sat
in
the
little
study
and
worked
together
Bailey
with
a
clockwork
industry
and
Altiora
in
splendid
flashes
between
intervals
of
cigarettes
and
meditation
All
efficient
public
careers
said
Altiora
consist
in
the
proper
direction
of
secretaries
If
everything
goes
well
I
shall
have
another
secretary
next
year
Altiora
told
me
I
wish
I
could
refuse
people
dinner
napkins
Imagine
what
it
means
in
washing
I
dare
most
things
But
as
it
is
they
stand
a
lot
of
hardship
here
Theres
something
of
the
miser
in
both
these
people
said
Esmeer
and
the
thing
was
perfectly
true
For
after
all
the
miser
is
nothing
more
than
a
man
who
either
through
want
of
imagination
or
want
of
suggestion
misapplies
to
a
base
use
a
natural
power
of
concentration
upon
one
end
The
concentration
itself
is
neither
good
nor
evil
but
a
power
that
can
be
used
in
either
way
And
the
Baileys
gathered
and
reinvested
usuriously
not
money
but
knowledge
of
the
utmost
value
in
human
affairs
They
produced
an
effect
of
having
found
themselves
completely
One
envied
them
at
times
extraordinarily
I
was
attracted
I
was
dazzled
and
at
the
same
time
there
was
something
about
Baileys
big
wrinkled
forehead
his
lisping
broad
mouth
the
gestures
of
his
hands
and
an
uncivil
preoccupation
I
could
not
endure
3
Their
effect
upon
me
was
from
the
outset
very
considerable
Both
of
them
found
occasion
on
that
first
visit
of
mine
to
talk
to
me
about
my
published
writings
and
particularly
about
my
then
just
published
book
THE
NEW
RULER
which
had
interested
them
very
much
It
fell
in
indeed
so
closely
with
their
own
way
of
thinking
that
I
doubt
if
they
ever
understood
how
independently
I
had
arrived
at
my
conclusions
It
was
their
weakness
to
claim
excessively
That
irritation
however
came
later
We
discovered
each
other
immensely
for
a
time
it
produced
a
tremendous
sense
of
kindred
and
cooperation
Altiora
I
remember
maintained
that
there
existed
a
great
army
of
such
constructive
minded
people
as
ourselves
as
yet
undiscovered
by
one
another
Its
like
boring
a
tunnel
through
a
mountain
said
Oscar
and
presently
hearing
the
tapping
of
the
workers
from
the
other
end
If
you
didnt
know
of
them
beforehand
I
said
it
might
be
a
rather
badly
joined
tunnel
Exactly
said
Altiora
with
a
high
note
and
thats
why
we
all
want
to
find
out
each
other
They
didnt
talk
like
that
on
our
first
encounter
but
they
urged
me
to
lunch
with
them
next
day
and
then
it
was
we
went
into
things
A
woman
Factory
Inspector
and
the
Educational
Minister
for
New
Banksland
and
his
wife
were
also
there
but
I
dont
remember
they
made
any
contribution
to
the
conversation
The
Baileys
saw
to
that
They
kept
on
at
me
in
an
urgent
litigious
way
We
have
read
your
book
each
began
as
though
it
had
been
a
joint
function
And
we
consider
Yes
I
protested
I
think

That
was
a
secondary
matter
They
did
not
consider
said
Altiora
raising
her
voice
and
going
right
over
me
that
I
had
allowed
sufficiently
for
the
inevitable
development
of
an
official
administrative
class
in
the
modern
state
Nor
of
its
importance
echoed
Oscar
That
they
explained
in
a
sort
of
chorus
was
the
cardinal
idea
of
their
lives
what
they
were
up
to
what
they
stood
for
We
want
to
suggest
to
you
they
said
and
I
found
this
was
a
stock
opening
of
theirs
that
from
the
mere
necessities
of
convenience
elected
bodies
MUST
avail
themselves
more
and
more
of
the
services
of
expert
officials
We
have
that
very
much
in
mind
The
more
complicated
and
technical
affairs
become
the
less
confidence
will
the
elected
official
have
in
himself
We
want
to
suggest
that
these
expert
officials
must
necessarily
develop
into
a
new
class
and
a
very
powerful
class
in
the
community
We
want
to
organise
that
It
may
be
THE
power
of
the
future
They
will
necessarily
have
to
have
very
much
of
a
common
training
We
consider
ourselves
as
amateur
unpaid
precursors
of
such
a
class
The
vision
they
displayed
for
my
consideration
as
the
aim
of
public
spirited
endeavour
seemed
like
a
harder
narrower
more
specialised
version
of
the
idea
of
a
trained
and
disciplined
state
that
Willersley
and
I
had
worked
out
in
the
Alps
They
wanted
things
more
organised
more
correlated
with
government
and
a
collective
purpose
just
as
we
did
but
they
saw
it
not
in
terms
of
a
growing
collective
understanding
but
in
terms
of
functionaries
legislative
change
and
methods
of
administration
It
wasnt
clear
at
first
how
we
differed
The
Baileys
were
very
anxious
to
win
me
to
co
operation
and
I
was
quite
prepared
at
first
to
identify
their
distinctive
expressions
with
phrases
of
my
own
and
so
we
came
very
readily
into
an
alliance
that
was
to
last
some
years
and
break
at
last
very
painfully
Altiora
manifestly
liked
me
I
was
soon
discussing
with
her
the
perplexity
I
found
in
placing
myself
efficiently
in
the
world
the
problem
of
how
to
take
hold
of
things
that
occupied
my
thoughts
and
she
was
sketching
out
careers
for
my
consideration
very
much
as
an
architect
on
his
first
visit
sketches
houses
considers
requirements
and
puts
before
you
this
example
and
that
of
the
more
or
less
similar
thing
already
done
4
It
is
easy
to
see
how
much
in
common
there
was
between
the
Baileys
and
me
and
how
natural
it
was
that
I
should
become
a
constant
visitor
at
their
house
and
an
ally
of
theirs
in
many
enterprises
It
is
not
nearly
so
easy
to
define
the
profound
antagonism
of
spirit
that
also
held
between
us
There
was
a
difference
in
texture
a
difference
in
quality
How
can
I
express
it
The
shapes
of
our
thoughts
were
the
same
but
the
substance
quite
different
It
was
as
if
they
had
made
in
china
or
cast
iron
what
I
had
made
in
transparent
living
matter
The
comparison
is
manifestly
from
my
point
of
view
Certain
things
never
seemed
to
show
through
their
ideas
that
were
visible
refracted
perhaps
and
distorted
but
visible
always
through
mine
I
thought
for
a
time
the
essential
difference
lay
in
our
relation
to
beauty
With
me
beauty
is
quite
primary
in
life
I
like
truth
order
and
goodness
wholly
because
they
are
beautiful
or
lead
straight
to
beautiful
consequences
The
Baileys
either
hadnt
got
that
or
they
didnt
see
it
They
seemed
at
times
to
prefer
things
harsh
and
ugly
That
puzzled
me
extremely
The
esthetic
quality
of
many
of
their
proposals
the
manners
of
their
work
so
to
speak
were
at
times
as
dreadful
as
well
War
Office
barrack
architecture
A
caricature
by
its
exaggerated
statements
will
sometimes
serve
to
point
a
truth
by
antagonising
falsity
and
falsity
I
remember
talking
to
a
prominent
museum
official
in
need
of
more
public
funds
for
the
work
he
had
in
hand
I
mentioned
the
possibility
of
enlisting
Baileys
influence
Oh
we
dont
want
Philistines
like
that
infernal
Bottle
Imp
running
us
he
said
hastily
and
would
hear
of
no
concerted
action
for
the
end
he
had
in
view
Id
rather
not
have
the
extension
You
see
he
went
on
to
explain
Baileys
wanting
in
the
essentials
What
essentials
said
I
Oh
hed
be
like
a
nasty
oily
efficient
little
machine
for
some
merely
subordinate
necessity
among
all
my
delicate
stuff
Hed
do
all
we
wanted
no
doubt
in
the
way
of
money
and
powers
and
hed
do
it
wrong
and
mess
the
place
for
ever
Hands
all
black
you
know
Hes
just
a
means
Just
a
very
aggressive
and
unmanageable
means
This
isnt
a
plumbers
job
I
stuck
to
my
argument
I
dont
LIKE
him
said
the
official
conclusively
and
it
seemed
to
me
at
the
time
he
was
just
blind
prejudice
speaking
I
came
nearer
the
truth
of
the
matter
as
I
came
to
realise
that
our
philosophies
differed
profoundly
That
isnt
a
very
curable
difference
once
people
have
grown
up
Theirs
was
a
philosophy
devoid
of
FINESSE
Temperamentally
the
Baileys
were
specialised
concentrated
accurate
while
I
am
urged
either
by
some
Inner
force
or
some
entirely
assimilated
influence
in
my
training
always
to
round
off
and
shadow
my
outlines
I
hate
them
hard
I
would
sacrifice
detail
to
modelling
always
and
the
Baileys
it
seemed
to
me
loved
a
world
as
flat
and
metallic
as
Sidney
Coopers
cows
If
they
had
the
universe
in
hand
I
know
they
would
take
down
all
the
trees
and
put
up
stamped
tin
green
shades
and
sunlight
accumulators
Altiora
thought
trees
hopelessly
irregular
and
sea
cliffs
a
great
mistake
I
got
things
clearer
as
time
went
on
Though
it
was
an
Hegelian
mess
of
which
I
had
partaken
at
Codgers
table
by
way
of
a
philosophical
training
my
sympathies
have
always
been
Pragmatist
I
belong
almost
by
nature
to
that
school
of
Pragmatism
that
following
the
medieval
Nominalists
bases
itself
upon
a
denial
of
the
reality
of
classes
and
of
the
validity
of
general
laws
The
Baileys
classified
everything
They
were
in
the
scholastic
sense
which
so
oddly
contradicts
the
modern
use
of
the
word—Realists
They
believed
classes
were
REAL
and
independent
of
their
individuals
This
is
the
common
habit
of
all
so
called
educated
people
who
have
no
metaphysical
aptitude
and
no
metaphysical
training
It
leads
them
to
a
progressive
misunderstanding
of
the
world
It
was
a
favourite
trick
of
Altioras
to
speak
of
everybody
as
a
type
she
saw
men
as
samples
moving
her
dining
room
became
a
chamber
of
representatives
It
gave
a
tremendously
scientific
air
to
many
of
their
generalisations
using
scientific
in
its
nineteenth
century
uncritical
Herbert
Spencer
sense
an
air
that
only
began
to
disappear
when
you
thought
them
over
again
in
terms
of
actuality
and
the
people
one
knew
At
the
Baileys
one
always
seemed
to
be
getting
ones
hands
on
the
very
strings
that
guided
the
world
You
heard
legislation
projected
to
affect
this
type
and
that
statistics
marched
by
you
with
sin
and
shame
and
injustice
and
misery
reduced
to
quite
manageable
percentages
you
found
men
who
were
to
frame
or
amend
bills
in
grave
and
intimate
exchange
with
Baileys
omniscience
you
heard
Altiora
canvassing
approaching
resignations
and
possible
appointments
that
might
make
or
mar
a
revolution
in
administrative
methods
and
doing
it
with
a
vigorous
directness
that
manifestly
swayed
the
decision
and
you
felt
you
were
in
a
sort
of
signal
box
with
levers
all
about
you
and
the
world
outside
there
albeit
a
little
dark
and
mysterious
beyond
the
window
running
on
its
lines
in
ready
obedience
to
these
unhesitating
lights
true
and
steady
to
trim
termini
And
then
with
all
this
administrative
fizzle
this
pseudo
scientific
administrative
chatter
dying
away
in
your
head
out
you
went
into
the
limitless
grimy
chaos
of
London
streets
and
squares
roads
and
avenues
lined
with
teeming
houses
each
larger
than
the
Chambers
Street
house
and
at
least
equally
alive
you
saw
the
chaotic
clamour
of
hoardings
the
jumble
of
traffic
the
coming
and
going
of
mysterious
myriads
you
heard
the
rumble
of
traffic
like
the
noise
of
a
torrent
a
vague
incessant
murmur
of
cries
and
voices
wanton
crimes
and
accidents
bawled
at
you
from
the
placards
imperative
unaccountable
fashions
swaggered
triumphant
in
dazzling
windows
of
the
shops
and
you
found
yourself
swaying
back
to
the
opposite
conviction
that
the
huge
formless
spirit
of
the
world
it
was
that
held
the
strings
and
danced
the
puppets
on
the
Bailey
stage
Under
the
lamps
you
were
jostled
by
people
like
my
Staffordshire
uncle
out
for
a
spree
you
saw
shy
youths
conversing
with
prostitutes
you
passed
young
lovers
pairing
with
an
entire
disregard
of
the
social
suitability
of
the
types
they
might
blend
or
create
you
saw
men
leaning
drunken
against
lamp
posts
whom
you
knew
for
the
type
that
will
charge
with
fixed
bayonets
into
the
face
of
death
and
you
found
yourself
unable
to
imagine
little
Bailey
achieving
either
drunkenness
or
the
careless
defiance
of
annihilation
You
realised
that
quite
a
lot
of
types
were
underrepresented
in
Chambers
Street
that
feral
and
obscure
and
altogether
monstrous
forces
must
be
at
work
as
yet
altogether
unassimilated
by
those
neat
administrative
reorganisations
5
Altiora
I
remember
preluded
Margarets
reappearance
by
announcing
her
as
a
new
type
I
was
accustomed
to
go
early
to
the
Baileys
dinners
in
those
days
for
a
preliminary
gossip
with
Altiora
in
front
of
her
drawing
room
fire
One
got
her
alone
and
that
early
arrival
was
a
little
sign
of
appreciation
she
valued
She
had
every
womans
need
of
followers
and
servants
Im
going
to
send
you
down
to
night
she
said
with
a
very
interesting
type
indeed
one
of
the
new
generation
of
serious
gals
Middle
class
origin
and
quite
well
off
Rich
in
fact
Her
step
father
was
a
solicitor
and
something
of
an
ENTREPRENEUR
towards
the
end
I
fancy
in
the
Black
Country
There
was
a
little
brother
died
and
shes
lost
her
mother
quite
recently
Quite
on
her
own
so
to
speak
Shes
never
been
out
into
society
very
much
and
doesnt
seem
really
very
anxious
to
go
Not
exactly
an
intellectual
person
you
know
but
quiet
and
great
force
of
character
Came
up
to
London
on
her
own
and
came
to
us
someone
had
told
her
we
were
the
sort
of
people
to
advise
her
to
ask
what
to
do
Im
sure
shell
interest
you
What
CAN
people
of
that
sort
do
I
asked
Is
she
capable
of
investigation
Altiora
compressed
her
lips
and
shook
her
head
She
always
did
shake
her
head
when
you
asked
that
of
anyone
Of
course
what
she
ought
to
do
said
Altiora
with
her
silk
dress
pulled
back
from
her
knee
before
the
fire
and
with
a
lift
of
her
voice
towards
a
chuckle
at
her
daring
way
of
putting
things
is
to
marry
a
member
of
Parliament
and
see
he
does
his
work
Perhaps
she
will
Its
a
very
exceptional
gal
who
can
do
anything
by
herself
quite
exceptional
The
more
serious
they
are
without
being
exceptional
the
more
we
want
them
to
marry
Her
exposition
was
truncated
by
the
entry
of
the
type
in
question
Well
cried
Altiora
turning
and
with
a
high
note
of
welcome
HERE
you
are
Margaret
had
gained
in
dignity
and
prettiness
by
the
lapse
of
five
years
and
she
was
now
very
beautifully
and
richly
and
simply
dressed
Her
fair
hair
had
been
done
in
some
way
that
made
it
seem
softer
and
more
abundant
than
it
was
in
my
memory
and
a
gleam
of
purple
velvet
set
diamonds
showed
amidst
its
mist
of
little
golden
and
brown
lines
Her
dress
was
of
white
and
violet
the
last
trace
of
mourning
for
her
mother
and
confessed
the
gracious
droop
of
her
tall
and
slender
body
She
did
not
suggest
Staffordshire
at
all
and
I
was
puzzled
for
a
moment
to
think
where
I
had
met
her
Her
sweetly
shaped
mouth
with
the
slight
obliquity
of
the
lip
and
the
little
kink
in
her
brow
were
extraordinarily
familiar
to
me
But
she
had
either
been
prepared
by
Altiora
or
she
remembered
my
name
We
met
she
said
while
my
step
father
was
alive
at
Misterton
You
came
to
see
us
and
instantly
I
recalled
the
sunshine
between
the
apple
blossom
and
a
slender
pale
blue
girlish
shape
among
the
daffodils
like
something
that
had
sprung
from
a
bulb
itself
I
recalled
at
once
that
I
had
found
her
very
interesting
though
I
did
not
clearly
remember
how
it
was
she
had
interested
me
Other
guests
arrived
it
was
one
of
Altioras
boldly
blended
mixtures
of
people
with
ideas
and
people
with
influence
or
money
who
might
perhaps
be
expected
to
resonate
to
them
Bailey
came
down
late
with
an
air
of
hurry
and
was
introduced
to
Margaret
and
said
absolutely
nothing
to
her
there
being
no
information
either
to
receive
or
impart
and
nothing
to
do
but
stood
snatching
his
left
cheek
until
I
rescued
him
and
her
and
left
him
free
to
congratulate
the
new
Lady
Snape
on
her
husbands
K
C
B
I
took
Margaret
down
We
achieved
no
feats
of
mutual
expression
except
that
it
was
abundantly
clear
we
were
both
very
pleased
and
interested
to
meet
again
and
that
we
had
both
kept
memories
of
each
other
We
made
that
Misterton
tea
party
and
the
subsequent
marriages
of
my
cousins
and
the
world
of
Burslem
generally
matter
for
quite
an
agreeable
conversation
until
at
last
Altiora
following
her
invariable
custom
called
me
by
name
imperatively
out
of
our
duologue
Mr
Remington
she
said
we
want
your
opinion
in
her
entirely
characteristic
effort
to
get
all
the
threads
of
conversation
into
her
own
hands
for
the
climax
that
always
wound
up
her
dinners
How
the
other
women
used
to
hate
those
concluding
raids
of
hers
I
forget
most
of
the
other
people
at
that
dinner
nor
can
I
recall
what
the
crowning
rally
was
about
It
didnt
in
any
way
join
on
to
my
impression
of
Margaret
In
the
drawing
room
of
the
matting
floor
I
rejoined
her
with
Altioras
manifest
connivance
and
in
the
interval
I
had
been
thinking
of
our
former
meeting
Do
you
find
London
I
asked
give
you
more
opportunity
for
doing
things
and
learning
things
than
Burslem
She
showed
at
once
she
appreciated
my
allusion
to
her
former
confidences
I
was
very
discontented
then
she
said
and
paused
Ive
really
only
been
in
London
for
a
few
months
Its
so
different
In
Burslem
life
seems
all
business
and
getting
without
any
reason
One
went
on
and
it
didnt
seem
to
mean
anything
At
least
anything
that
mattered
London
seems
to
be
so
full
of
meanings
all
mixed
up
together
She
knitted
her
brows
over
her
words
and
smiled
appealingly
at
the
end
as
if
for
consideration
for
her
inadequate
expression
appealingly
and
almost
humorously
I
looked
understandingly
at
her
We
have
all
I
agreed
to
come
to
London
One
sees
so
much
distress
she
added
as
if
she
felt
she
had
completely
omitted
something
and
needed
a
codicil
What
are
you
doing
in
London
Im
thinking
of
studying
Some
social
question
I
thought
perhaps
I
might
go
and
study
social
conditions
as
Mrs
Bailey
did
go
perhaps
as
a
work
girl
or
see
the
reality
of
living
in
but
Mrs
Bailey
thought
perhaps
it
wasnt
quite
my
work
Are
you
studying
Im
going
to
a
good
many
lectures
and
perhaps
I
shall
take
up
a
regular
course
at
the
Westminster
School
of
Politics
and
Sociology
But
Mrs
Bailey
doesnt
seem
to
believe
very
much
in
that
either
Her
faintly
whimsical
smile
returned
I
seem
rather
indefinite
she
apologised
but
one
does
not
want
to
get
entangled
in
things
one
cant
do
One
one
has
so
many
advantages
ones
life
seems
to
be
such
a
trust
and
such
a
responsibility
She
stopped
A
man
gets
driven
into
work
I
said
It
must
be
splendid
to
be
Mrs
Bailey
she
replied
with
a
glance
of
envious
admiration
across
the
room
SHE
has
no
doubts
anyhow
I
remarked
She
HAD
said
Margaret
with
the
pride
of
one
who
has
received
great
confidences
6
Youve
met
before
said
Altiora
a
day
or
so
later
I
explained
when
You
find
her
interesting
I
saw
in
a
flash
that
Altiora
meant
to
marry
me
to
Margaret
Her
intention
became
much
clearer
as
the
year
developed
Altiora
was
systematic
even
in
matters
that
evade
system
I
was
to
marry
Margaret
and
freed
from
the
need
of
making
an
income
I
was
to
come
into
politics
as
an
exponent
of
Baileyism
She
put
it
down
with
the
other
excellent
and
advantageous
things
that
should
occupy
her
summer
holiday
It
was
her
pride
and
glory
to
put
things
down
and
plan
them
out
in
detail
beforehand
and
Im
not
quite
sure
that
she
did
not
even
mark
off
the
day
upon
which
the
engagement
was
to
be
declared
If
she
did
I
disappointed
her
We
didnt
come
to
an
engagement
in
spite
of
the
broadest
hints
and
the
glaring
obviousness
of
everything
that
summer
Every
summer
the
Baileys
went
out
of
London
to
some
house
they
hired
or
borrowed
leaving
their
secretaries
toiling
behind
and
they
went
on
working
hard
in
the
mornings
and
evenings
and
taking
exercise
in
the
open
air
in
the
afternoon
They
cycled
assiduously
and
went
for
long
walks
at
a
trot
and
raided
and
studied
and
incidentally
explained
themselves
to
any
social
types
that
lived
in
the
neighbourhood
One
invaded
type
resentful
under
research
described
them
with
a
dreadful
aptness
as
Donna
Quixote
and
Sancho
Panza
and
himself
as
a
harmless
windmill
hurting
no
one
and
signifying
nothing
She
did
rather
tilt
at
things
This
particular
summer
they
were
at
a
pleasant
farmhouse
in
level
country
near
Pangbourne
belonging
to
the
Hon
Wilfrid
Winchester
and
they
asked
me
to
come
down
to
rooms
in
the
neighbourhood
Altiora
took
them
for
a
month
for
me
in
August
and
board
with
them
upon
extremely
reasonable
terms
and
when
I
got
there
I
found
Margaret
sitting
in
a
hammock
at
Altioras
feet
Lots
of
people
I
gathered
were
coming
and
going
in
the
neighbourhood
the
Ponts
were
in
a
villa
on
the
river
and
the
Rickhams
houseboat
was
to
moor
for
some
days
but
these
irruptions
did
not
impede
a
great
deal
of
duologue
between
Margaret
and
myself
Altiora
was
efficient
rather
than
artistic
in
her
match
making
She
sent
us
off
for
long
walks
together
Margaret
was
a
fairly
good
walker
she
exhumed
some
defective
croquet
things
and
incited
us
to
croquet
not
understanding
that
detestable
game
is
the
worst
stimulant
for
lovers
in
the
world
And
Margaret
and
I
were
always
getting
left
about
and
finding
ourselves
for
odd
half
hours
in
the
kitchen
garden
with
nothing
to
do
except
talk
or
we
were
told
with
a
wave
of
the
hand
to
run
away
and
amuse
each
other
Altiora
even
tried
a
picnic
in
canoes
knowing
from
fiction
rather
than
imagination
or
experience
the
conclusive
nature
of
such
excursions
But
there
she
fumbled
at
the
last
moment
and
elected
at
the
rivers
brink
to
share
a
canoe
with
me
Bailey
showed
so
much
zeal
and
so
little
skill
his
hat
fell
off
and
he
became
miraculously
nothing
but
paddle
clutching
hands
and
a
vast
wrinkled
brow
that
at
last
he
had
to
be
paddled
ignominiously
by
Margaret
while
Altiora
after
a
phase
of
rigid
discretion
as
nearly
as
possible
drowned
herself
and
me
no
doubt
into
the
bargain
with
a
sudden
lateral
gesture
of
the
arm
to
emphasise
the
high
note
with
which
she
dismissed
the
efficiency
of
the
Charity
Organisation
Society
We
shipped
about
an
inch
of
water
and
sat
in
it
for
the
rest
of
the
time
an
inconvenience
she
disregarded
heroically
We
had
difficulties
in
landing
Oscar
from
his
frail
craft
upon
the
ait
of
our
feasting
he
didnt
balance
sideways
and
was
much
alarmed
and
afterwards
as
Margaret
had
a
pain
in
her
back
I
took
him
in
my
canoe
let
him
hide
his
shame
with
an
ineffectual
but
not
positively
harmful
paddle
and
towed
the
other
by
means
of
the
joined
painters
Still
it
was
the
fault
of
the
inadequate
information
supplied
in
the
books
and
not
of
Altiora
that
that
was
not
the
date
of
my
betrothal
I
find
it
not
a
little
difficult
to
state
what
kept
me
back
from
proposing
marriage
to
Margaret
that
summer
and
what
urged
me
forward
at
last
to
marry
her
It
is
so
much
easier
to
remember
ones
resolutions
than
to
remember
the
moods
and
suggestions
that
produced
them
Marrying
and
getting
married
was
I
think
a
pretty
simple
affair
to
Altiora
it
was
something
that
happened
to
the
adolescent
and
unmarried
when
you
threw
them
together
under
the
circumstances
of
health
warmth
and
leisure
It
happened
with
the
kindly
and
approving
smiles
of
the
more
experienced
elders
who
had
organised
these
proximities
The
young
people
married
settled
down
children
ensued
and
father
and
mother
turned
their
minds
now
decently
and
properly
disillusioned
to
other
things
That
to
Altiora
was
the
normal
sexual
life
and
she
believed
it
to
be
the
quality
of
the
great
bulk
of
the
life
about
her
One
of
the
great
barriers
to
human
understanding
is
the
wide
temperamental
difference
one
finds
in
the
values
of
things
relating
to
sex
It
is
the
issue
upon
which
people
most
need
training
in
charity
and
imaginative
sympathy
Here
are
no
universal
standards
at
all
and
indeed
for
no
single
man
nor
woman
does
there
seem
to
be
any
fixed
standard
so
much
do
the
accidents
of
circumstances
and
ones
physical
phases
affect
ones
interpretations
There
is
nothing
in
the
whole
range
of
sexual
fact
that
may
not
seem
supremely
beautiful
or
humanly
jolly
or
magnificently
wicked
or
disgusting
or
trivial
or
utterly
insignificant
according
to
the
eye
that
sees
or
the
mood
that
colours
Here
is
something
that
may
fill
the
skies
and
every
waking
hour
or
be
almost
completely
banished
from
a
life
It
may
be
everything
on
Monday
and
less
than
nothing
on
Saturday
And
we
make
our
laws
and
rules
as
though
in
these
matters
all
men
and
women
were
commensurable
one
with
another
with
an
equal
steadfast
passion
and
an
equal
constant
duty
I
dont
know
what
dreams
Altiora
may
have
had
in
her
schoolroom
days
I
always
suspected
her
of
suppressed
and
forgotten
phases
but
certainly
her
general
effect
now
was
of
an
entirely
passionless
worldliness
in
these
matters
Indeed
so
far
as
I
could
get
at
her
she
regarded
sexual
passion
as
being
hardly
more
legitimate
in
a
civilised
person
than
let
us
say
homicidal
mania
She
must
have
forgotten
and
Bailey
too
I
suspect
she
forgot
before
she
married
him
I
dont
suppose
either
of
them
had
the
slightest
intimation
of
the
dimensions
sexual
love
can
take
in
the
thoughts
of
the
great
majority
of
people
with
whom
they
come
in
contact
They
loved
in
their
way
an
intellectual
way
it
was
and
a
fond
way
but
it
had
no
relation
to
beauty
and
physical
sensation
except
that
there
seemed
a
decree
of
exile
against
these
things
They
got
their
glow
in
high
moments
of
altruistic
ambition
and
in
moments
of
vivid
worldly
success
They
sat
at
opposite
ends
of
their
dinner
table
with
so
and
so
captured
and
so
and
so
flushed
with
a
mutual
approval
They
saw
people
in
love
forgetful
and
distraught
about
them
and
just
put
it
down
to
forgetfulness
and
distraction
At
any
rate
Altiora
manifestly
viewed
my
situation
and
Margarets
with
an
abnormal
and
entirely
misleading
simplicity
There
was
the
girl
rich
with
an
acceptable
claim
to
be
beautiful
shiningly
virtuous
quite
capable
of
political
interests
and
there
was
I
talented
ambitious
and
full
of
political
and
social
passion
in
need
of
just
the
money
devotion
and
regularisation
Margaret
could
provide
We
were
both
unmarried
white
sheets
of
uninscribed
paper
Was
there
ever
a
simpler
situation
What
more
could
we
possibly
want
She
was
even
a
little
offended
at
the
inconclusiveness
that
did
not
settle
things
at
Pangbourne
I
seemed
to
her
I
suspect
to
reflect
upon
her
judgment
and
good
intentions
7
I
didnt
see
things
with
Altioras
simplicity
I
admired
Margaret
very
much
I
was
fully
aware
of
all
that
she
and
I
might
give
each
other
indeed
so
far
as
Altiora
went
we
were
quite
in
agreement
But
what
seemed
solid
ground
to
Altiora
and
the
ultimate
footing
of
her
emasculated
world
was
to
me
just
the
superficial
covering
of
a
gulf
oh
abysses
of
vague
and
dim
and
yet
stupendously
significant
things
I
couldnt
dismiss
the
interests
and
the
passion
of
sex
as
Altiora
did
Work
I
agreed
was
important
career
and
success
but
deep
unanalysable
instincts
told
me
this
preoccupation
was
a
thing
quite
as
important
dangerous
interfering
destructive
indeed
but
none
the
less
a
dominating
interest
in
life
I
have
told
how
flittingly
and
uninvited
it
came
like
a
moth
from
the
outer
twilight
into
my
life
how
it
grew
in
me
with
my
manhood
how
it
found
its
way
to
speech
and
grew
daring
and
led
me
at
last
to
experience
After
that
adventure
at
Locarno
sex
and
the
interests
and
desires
of
sex
never
left
me
for
long
at
peace
I
went
on
with
my
work
and
my
career
and
all
the
time
it
was
like
like
someone
talking
ever
and
again
in
a
room
while
one
tries
to
write
There
were
times
when
I
could
have
wished
the
world
a
world
all
of
men
so
greatly
did
this
unassimilated
series
of
motives
and
curiosities
hamper
me
and
times
when
I
could
have
wished
the
world
all
of
women
I
seemed
always
to
be
seeking
something
in
women
in
girls
and
I
was
never
clear
what
it
was
I
was
seeking
But
never
even
at
my
coarsest
was
I
moved
by
physical
desire
alone
Was
I
seeking
help
and
fellowship
Was
I
seeking
some
intimacy
with
beauty
It
was
a
thing
too
formless
to
state
that
I
seemed
always
desiring
to
attain
and
never
attaining
Waves
of
gross
sensuousness
arose
out
of
this
preoccupation
carried
me
to
a
crisis
of
gratification
or
disappointment
that
was
clearly
not
the
needed
thing
they
passed
and
left
my
mind
free
again
for
a
time
to
get
on
with
the
permanent
pursuits
of
my
life
And
then
presently
this
solicitude
would
have
me
again
an
irrelevance
as
it
seemed
and
yet
a
constantly
recurring
demand
I
dont
want
particularly
to
dwell
upon
things
that
are
disagreeable
for
others
to
read
but
I
cannot
leave
them
out
of
my
story
and
get
the
right
proportions
of
the
forces
I
am
balancing
I
was
no
abnormal
man
and
that
world
of
order
we
desire
to
make
must
be
built
of
such
stuff
as
I
was
and
am
and
can
beget
You
cannot
have
a
world
of
Baileys
it
would
end
in
one
orderly
generation
Humanity
is
begotten
in
Desire
lives
by
Desire

Love
which
is
lust
is
the
Lamp
in
the
Tomb

Love
which
is
lust
is
the
Call
from
the
Gloom
I
echo
Henley
I
suppose
the
life
of
celibacy
which
the
active
well
fed
well
exercised
and
imaginatively
stirred
young
man
of
the
educated
classes
is
supposed
to
lead
from
the
age
of
nineteen
or
twenty
when
Nature
certainly
meant
him
to
marry
to
thirty
or
more
when
civilisation
permits
him
to
do
so
is
the
most
impossible
thing
in
the
world
We
deal
here
with
facts
that
are
kept
secret
and
obscure
but
I
doubt
for
my
own
part
if
more
than
one
man
out
of
five
in
our
class
satisfies
that
ideal
demand
The
rest
are
even
as
I
was
and
Hatherleigh
and
Esmeer
and
all
the
men
I
knew
I
draw
no
lessons
and
offer
no
panacea
I
have
to
tell
the
quality
of
life
and
this
is
how
it
is
This
is
how
it
will
remain
until
men
and
women
have
the
courage
to
face
the
facts
of
life
I
was
no
systematic
libertine
you
must
understand
things
happened
to
me
and
desire
drove
me
Any
young
man
would
have
served
for
that
Locarno
adventure
and
after
that
what
had
been
a
mystic
and
wonderful
thing
passed
rapidly
into
a
gross
manifestly
misdirected
and
complicating
one
I
can
count
a
meagre
tale
of
five
illicit
loves
in
the
days
of
my
youth
to
include
that
first
experience
and
of
them
all
only
two
were
sustained
relationships
Besides
these
five
affairs
on
one
or
two
occasions
I
dipped
so
low
as
the
inky
dismal
sensuality
of
the
streets
and
made
one
of
those
pairs
of
correlated
figures
the
woman
in
her
squalid
finery
sailing
homeward
the
man
modestly
aloof
and
behind
that
every
night
in
the
London
year
flit
by
the
score
of
thousands
across
the
sight
of
the
observant
How
ugly
it
is
to
recall
ugly
and
shameful
now
without
qualification
Yet
at
the
time
there
was
surely
something
not
altogether
ugly
in
it
something
that
has
vanished
some
fine
thing
mortally
ailing
One
such
occasion
I
recall
as
if
it
were
a
vision
deep
down
in
a
pit
as
if
it
had
happened
in
another
state
of
existence
to
someone
else
And
yet
it
is
the
sort
of
thing
that
has
happened
once
or
twice
at
least
to
half
the
men
in
London
who
have
been
in
a
position
to
make
it
possible
Let
me
try
and
give
you
its
peculiar
effect
Man
or
woman
you
ought
to
know
of
it
Figure
to
yourself
a
dingy
room
somewhere
in
that
network
of
streets
that
lies
about
Tottenham
Court
Road
a
dingy
bedroom
lit
by
a
solitary
candle
and
carpeted
with
scraps
and
patches
with
curtains
of
cretonne
closing
the
window
and
a
tawdry
ornament
of
paper
in
the
grate
I
sit
on
a
bed
beside
a
weary
eyed
fair
haired
sturdy
young
woman
half
undressed
who
is
telling
me
in
broken
German
something
that
my
knowledge
of
German
is
at
first
inadequate
to
understand
I
thought
she
was
boasting
about
her
family
and
then
slowly
the
meaning
came
to
me
She
was
a
Lett
from
near
Libau
in
Courland
and
she
was
telling
me
just
as
one
tells
something
too
strange
for
comment
or
emotion
how
her
father
had
been
shot
and
her
sister
outraged
and
murdered
before
her
eyes
It
was
as
if
one
had
dipped
into
something
primordial
and
stupendous
beneath
the
smooth
and
trivial
surfaces
of
life
There
was
I
you
know
the
promising
young
don
from
Cambridge
who
wrote
quite
brilliantly
about
politics
and
might
presently
get
into
Parliament
with
my
collar
and
tie
in
my
hand
and
a
certain
sense
of
shameful
adventure
fading
out
of
my
mind
Ach
Gott
she
sighed
by
way
of
comment
and
mused
deeply
for
a
moment
before
she
turned
her
face
to
me
as
to
something
forgotten
and
remembered
and
assumed
the
half
hearted
meretricious
smile
Bin
ich
eine
hubsche
she
asked
like
one
who
repeats
a
lesson
I
was
moved
to
crave
her
pardon
and
come
away
Bin
ich
eine
hubsche
she
asked
a
little
anxiously
laying
a
detaining
hand
upon
me
and
evidently
not
understanding
a
word
of
what
I
was
striving
to
say
8
I
find
it
extraordinarily
difficult
to
recall
the
phases
by
which
I
passed
from
my
first
admiration
of
Margarets
earnestness
and
unconscious
daintiness
to
an
intimate
acquaintance
The
earlier
encounters
stand
out
clear
and
hard
but
then
the
impressions
become
crowded
and
mingle
not
only
with
each
other
but
with
all
the
subsequent
developments
of
relationship
the
enormous
evolutions
of
interpretation
and
comprehension
between
husband
and
wife
Dipping
into
my
memories
is
like
dipping
into
a
ragbag
one
brings
out
this
memory
or
that
with
no
intimation
of
how
they
came
in
time
or
what
led
to
them
and
joined
them
together
And
they
are
all
mixed
up
with
subsequent
associations
with
sympathies
and
discords
habits
of
intercourse
surprises
and
disappointments
and
discovered
misunderstandings
I
know
only
that
always
my
feelings
for
Margaret
were
complicatel
feelings
woven
of
many
and
various
strands
It
is
one
of
the
curious
neglected
aspects
of
life
how
at
the
same
time
and
in
relation
to
the
same
reality
we
can
have
in
our
minds
streams
of
thought
at
quite
different
levels
We
can
be
at
the
same
time
idealising
a
person
and
seeing
and
criticising
that
person
quite
coldly
and
clearly
and
we
slip
unconsciously
from
level
to
level
and
produce
all
sorts
of
inconsistent
acts
In
a
sense
I
had
no
illusions
about
Margaret
in
a
sense
my
conception
of
Margaret
was
entirely
poetic
illusion
I
dont
think
I
was
ever
blind
to
certain
defects
of
hers
and
quite
as
certainly
they
didnt
seem
to
matter
in
the
slightest
degree
Her
mind
had
a
curious
want
of
vigour
flatness
is
the
only
word
she
never
seemed
to
escape
from
her
phrase
her
way
of
thinking
her
way
of
doing
was
indecisive
she
remained
in
her
attitude
it
did
not
flow
out
to
easy
confirmatory
action
I
saw
this
quite
clearly
and
when
we
walked
and
talked
together
I
seemed
always
trying
for
animation
in
her
and
never
finding
it
I
would
state
my
ideas
I
know
she
would
say
I
know
I
talked
about
myself
and
she
listened
wonderfully
but
she
made
no
answering
revelations
I
talked
politics
and
she
remarked
with
her
blue
eyes
wide
and
earnest
Every
WORD
you
say
seems
so
just
I
admired
her
appearance
tremendously
but
I
can
only
express
it
by
saying
I
didnt
want
to
touch
her
Her
fair
hair
was
always
delectably
done
It
flowed
beautifully
over
her
pretty
small
ears
and
she
would
tie
its
fair
coilings
with
fillets
of
black
or
blue
velvet
that
carried
pretty
buckles
of
silver
and
paste
The
light
the
faint
down
on
her
brow
and
cheek
was
delightful
And
it
was
clear
to
me
that
I
made
her
happy
My
sense
of
her
deficiencies
didnt
stand
in
the
way
of
my
falling
at
last
very
deeply
in
love
with
her
Her
very
shortcomings
seemed
to
offer
me
something
She
stood
in
my
mind
for
goodness
and
for
things
from
which
it
seemed
to
me
my
hold
was
slipping
She
seemed
to
promise
a
way
of
escape
from
the
deepening
opposition
in
me
between
physical
passions
and
the
constructive
career
the
career
of
wide
aims
and
human
service
upon
which
I
had
embarked
All
the
time
that
I
was
seeing
her
as
a
beautiful
fragile
rather
ineffective
girl
I
was
also
seeing
her
just
as
consciously
as
a
shining
slender
figure
a
radiant
reconciliation
coming
into
my
darkling
disorders
of
lust
and
impulse
I
could
understand
clearly
that
she
was
incapable
of
the
most
necessary
subtleties
of
political
thought
and
yet
I
could
contemplate
praying
to
her
and
putting
all
the
intricate
troubles
of
my
life
at
her
feet
Before
the
reappearance
of
Margaret
in
my
world
at
all
an
unwonted
disgust
with
the
consequences
and
quality
of
my
passions
had
arisen
in
my
mind
Among
other
things
that
moment
with
the
Lettish
girl
haunted
me
persistently
I
would
see
myself
again
and
again
sitting
amidst
those
sluttish
surroundings
collar
and
tie
in
hand
while
her
heavy
German
words
grouped
themselves
to
a
slowly
apprehended
meaning
I
would
feel
again
with
a
fresh
stab
of
remorse
that
this
was
not
a
flash
of
adventure
this
was
not
seeing
life
in
any
permissible
sense
but
a
dip
into
tragedy
dishonour
hideous
degradation
and
the
pitiless
cruelty
of
a
world
as
yet
uncontrolled
by
any
ordered
will
Good
God
I
put
it
to
myself
that
I
should
finish
the
work
those
Cossacks
had
begun
I
who
want
order
and
justice
before
everything
Theres
no
way
out
of
it
no
decent
excuse
If
I
didnt
think
I
ought
to
have
thought
How
did
I
get
to
it
I
would
ransack
the
phases
of
my
development
from
the
first
shy
unveiling
of
a
hidden
wonder
to
the
last
extremity
as
a
man
will
go
through
muddled
account
books
to
find
some
disorganising
error
I
was
also
involved
at
that
time
I
find
it
hard
to
place
these
things
in
the
exact
order
of
their
dates
because
they
were
so
disconnected
with
the
regular
progress
of
my
work
and
life
in
an
intrigue
a
clumsy
sensuous
pretentious
artificially
stimulated
intrigue
with
a
Mrs
Larrimer
a
woman
living
separated
from
her
husband
I
will
not
go
into
particulars
of
that
episode
nor
how
we
quarrelled
and
chafed
one
another
She
was
at
once
unfaithful
and
jealous
and
full
of
whims
about
our
meetings
she
was
careless
of
our
secret
and
vulgarised
our
relationship
by
intolerable
interpretations
except
for
some
glowing
moments
of
gratification
except
for
the
recurrent
and
essentially
vicious
desire
that
drew
us
back
to
each
other
again
we
both
fretted
at
a
vexatious
and
unexpectedly
binding
intimacy
The
interim
was
full
of
the
quality
of
work
delayed
of
time
and
energy
wasted
of
insecure
precautions
against
scandal
and
exposure
Disappointment
is
almost
inherent
in
illicit
love
I
had
and
perhaps
it
was
part
of
her
recurrent
irritation
also
a
feeling
as
though
one
had
followed
something
fine
and
beautiful
into
a
net
into
bird
lime
These
furtive
scuffles
this
sneaking
into
shabby
houses
of
assignation
was
what
we
had
made
out
of
the
suggestion
of
pagan
beauty
this
was
the
reality
of
our
vision
of
nymphs
and
satyrs
dancing
for
the
joy
of
life
amidst
incessant
sunshine
We
had
laid
hands
upon
the
wonder
and
glory
of
bodily
love
and
wasted
them
It
was
the
sense
of
waste
of
finely
beautiful
possibilities
getting
entangled
and
marred
for
ever
that
oppressed
me
I
had
missed
I
had
lost
I
did
not
turn
from
these
things
after
the
fashion
of
the
Baileys
as
one
turns
from
something
low
and
embarrassing
I
felt
that
these
great
organic
forces
were
still
to
be
wrought
into
a
harmony
with
my
constructive
passion
I
felt
too
that
I
was
not
doing
it
I
had
not
understood
the
forces
in
this
struggle
nor
its
nature
and
as
I
learnt
I
failed
I
had
been
started
wrong
I
had
gone
on
wrong
in
a
world
that
was
muddled
and
confused
full
of
false
counsel
and
erratic
shames
and
twisted
temptations
I
learnt
to
see
it
so
by
failures
that
were
perhaps
destroying
any
chance
of
profit
in
my
lessons
Moods
of
clear
keen
industry
alternated
with
moods
of
relapse
and
indulgence
and
moods
of
dubiety
and
remorse
I
was
not
going
on
as
the
Baileys
thought
I
was
going
on
There
were
times
when
the
blindness
of
the
Baileys
irritated
me
intensely
Beneath
the
ostensible
success
of
those
years
between
twenty
three
and
twenty
eight
this
rottenness
known
to
scarcely
any
one
but
myself
grew
and
spread
My
sense
of
the
probability
of
a
collapse
intensified
I
knew
indeed
now
even
as
Willersley
had
prophesied
five
years
before
that
I
was
entangling
myself
in
something
that
might
smother
all
my
uses
in
the
world
Down
there
among
those
incommunicable
difficulties
I
was
puzzled
and
blundering
I
was
losing
my
hold
upon
things
the
chaotic
and
adventurous
element
in
life
was
spreading
upward
and
getting
the
better
of
me
over
mastering
me
and
all
my
will
to
rule
and
make
And
the
strength
the
drugging
urgency
of
the
passion
Margaret
shone
at
times
in
my
imagination
like
a
radiant
angel
in
a
world
of
mire
and
disorder
in
a
world
of
cravings
hot
and
dull
red
like
scars
inflamed
I
suppose
it
was
because
I
had
so
great
a
need
of
such
help
as
her
whiteness
proffered
that
I
could
ascribe
impossible
perfections
to
her
a
power
of
intellect
a
moral
power
and
patience
to
which
she
poor
fellow
mortal
had
indeed
no
claim
If
only
a
few
of
us
WERE
angels
and
freed
from
the
tangle
of
effort
how
easy
life
might
be
I
wanted
her
so
badly
so
very
badly
to
be
what
I
needed
I
wanted
a
woman
to
save
me
I
forced
myself
to
see
her
as
I
wished
to
see
her
Her
tepidities
became
infinite
delicacies
her
mental
vagueness
an
atmospheric
realism
The
harsh
precisions
of
the
Baileys
and
Altioras
blunt
directness
threw
up
her
fineness
into
relief
and
made
a
grace
of
every
weakness
Mixed
up
with
the
memory
of
times
when
I
talked
with
Margaret
as
one
talks
politely
to
those
who
are
hopelessly
inferior
in
mental
quality
explaining
with
a
false
lucidity
welcoming
and
encouraging
the
feeblest
response
when
possible
moulding
and
directing
are
times
when
I
did
indeed
as
the
old
phrase
goes
worship
the
ground
she
trod
on
I
was
equally
honest
and
unconscious
of
inconsistency
at
each
extreme
But
in
neither
phase
could
I
find
it
easy
to
make
love
to
Margaret
For
in
the
first
I
did
not
want
to
though
I
talked
abundantly
to
her
of
marriage
and
so
forth
and
was
a
little
puzzled
at
myself
for
not
going
on
to
some
personal
application
and
in
the
second
she
seemed
inaccessible
I
felt
I
must
make
confessions
and
put
things
before
her
that
would
be
the
grossest
outrage
upon
the
noble
purity
I
attributed
to
her
9
I
went
to
Margaret
at
last
to
ask
her
to
marry
me
wrought
up
to
the
mood
of
one
who
stakes
his
life
on
a
cast
Separated
from
her
and
with
the
resonance
of
an
evening
of
angry
recriminations
with
Mrs
Larrimer
echoing
in
my
mind
I
discovered
myself
to
be
quite
passionately
in
love
with
Margaret
Last
shreds
of
doubt
vanished
It
has
always
been
a
feature
of
our
relationship
that
Margaret
absent
means
more
to
me
than
Margaret
present
her
memory
distils
from
its
dross
and
purifies
in
me
All
my
criticisms
and
qualifications
of
her
vanished
into
some
dark
corner
of
my
mind
She
was
the
lady
of
my
salvation
I
must
win
my
way
to
her
or
perish
I
went
to
her
at
last
for
all
that
I
knew
she
loved
me
in
passionate
self
abasement
white
and
a
tremble
She
was
staying
with
the
Rockleys
at
Woking
for
Shena
Rockley
had
been
at
Bennett
Hall
with
her
and
they
had
resumed
a
close
intimacy
and
I
went
down
to
her
on
an
impulse
unheralded
I
was
kept
waiting
for
some
minutes
I
remember
in
a
little
room
upon
which
a
conservatory
opened
a
conservatory
full
of
pots
of
large
mauve
edged
white
cyclamens
in
flower
And
there
was
a
big
lacquer
cabinet
a
Chinese
thing
I
suppose
of
black
and
gold
against
the
red
toned
wall
To
this
day
the
thought
of
Margaret
is
inseparably
bound
up
with
the
sight
of
a
cyclamens
back
turned
petals
She
came
in
looking
pale
and
drooping
rather
more
than
usual
I
suddenly
realised
that
Altioras
hint
of
a
disappointment
leading
to
positive
illness
was
something
more
than
a
vindictive
comment
She
closed
the
door
and
came
across
to
me
and
took
and
dropped
my
hand
and
stood
still
What
is
it
you
want
with
me
she
asked
The
speech
I
had
been
turning
over
and
over
in
my
mind
on
the
way
vanished
at
the
sight
of
her
I
want
to
talk
to
you
I
answered
lamely
For
some
seconds
neither
of
us
said
a
word
I
want
to
tell
you
things
about
my
life
I
began
She
answered
with
a
scarcely
audible
yes
I
almost
asked
you
to
marry
me
at
Pangbourne
I
plunged
I
didnt
I
didnt
because
because
you
had
too
much
to
give
me
Too
much
she
echoed
to
give
you
She
had
lifted
her
eyes
to
my
face
and
the
colour
was
coming
into
her
cheeks
Dont
misunderstand
me
I
said
hastily
I
want
to
tell
you
things
things
you
dont
know
Dont
answer
me
I
want
to
tell
you
She
stood
before
the
fireplace
with
her
ultimate
answer
shining
through
the
quiet
of
her
face
Go
on
she
said
very
softly
It
was
so
pitilessly
manifest
she
was
resolved
to
idealise
the
situation
whatever
I
might
say
I
began
walking
up
and
down
the
room
between
those
cyclamens
and
the
cabinet
There
were
little
gold
fishermen
on
the
cabinet
fishing
from
little
islands
that
each
had
a
pagoda
and
a
tree
and
there
were
also
men
in
boats
or
something
I
couldnt
determine
what
and
some
obscure
sub
office
in
my
mind
concerned
itself
with
that
quite
intently
Yet
I
seem
to
have
been
striving
with
all
my
being
to
get
words
for
the
truth
of
things
You
see
I
emerged
you
make
everything
possible
to
me
You
can
give
me
help
and
sympathy
support
understanding
You
know
my
political
ambitions
You
know
all
that
I
might
do
in
the
world
I
do
so
intensely
want
to
do
constructive
things
big
things
perhaps
in
this
wild
jumble
Only
you
dont
know
a
bit
what
I
am
I
want
to
tell
you
what
I
am
Im
complex
Im
streaked
I
glanced
at
her
and
she
was
regarding
me
with
an
expression
of
blissful
disregard
for
any
meaning
I
was
seeking
to
convey
You
see
I
said
Im
a
bad
man
She
sounded
a
note
of
valiant
incredulity
Everything
seemed
to
be
slipping
away
from
me
I
pushed
on
to
the
ugly
facts
that
remained
over
from
the
wreck
of
my
interpretation
What
has
held
me
back
I
said
is
the
thought
that
you
could
not
possibly
understand
certain
things
in
my
life
Men
are
not
pure
as
women
are
I
have
had
love
affairs
I
mean
I
have
had
affairs
Passion
desire
You
see
I
have
had
a
mistress
I
have
been
entangled
She
seemed
about
to
speak
but
I
interrupted
Im
not
telling
you
I
said
what
I
meant
to
tell
you
I
want
you
to
know
clearly
that
there
is
another
side
to
my
life
a
dirty
side
Deliberately
I
say
dirty
It
didnt
seem
so
at
first
I
stopped
blankly
Dirty
I
thought
was
the
most
idiotic
choice
of
words
to
have
made
I
had
never
in
any
tolerable
sense
of
the
word
been
dirty
I
drifted
into
this
as
men
do
I
said
after
a
little
pause
and
stopped
again
She
was
looking
at
me
with
her
wide
blue
eyes
Did
you
imagine
she
began
that
I
thought
you
that
I
expected
But
how
can
you
know
I
know
I
do
know
But
I
began
I
know
she
persisted
dropping
her
eyelids
Of
course
I
know
and
nothing
could
have
convinced
me
more
completely
that
she
did
not
know
All
men
she
generalised
A
woman
does
not
understand
these
temptations
I
was
astonished
beyond
measure
at
her
way
of
taking
my
confession
Of
course
she
said
hesitating
a
little
over
a
transparent
difficulty
it
is
all
over
and
past
Its
all
over
and
past
I
answered
There
was
a
little
pause
I
dont
want
to
know
she
said
None
of
that
seems
to
matter
now
in
the
slightest
degree
She
looked
up
and
smiled
as
though
we
had
exchanged
some
acceptable
commonplaces
Poor
dear
she
said
dismissing
everything
and
put
out
her
arms
and
it
seemed
to
me
that
I
could
hear
the
Lettish
girl
in
the
background
doomed
safety
valve
of
purity
in
this
intolerable
world
telling
something
in
indistinguishable
German
I
know
not
what
nor
why
I
took
Margaret
in
my
arms
and
kissed
her
Her
eyes
were
wet
with
tears
She
clung
to
me
and
was
near
I
felt
to
sobbing
I
have
loved
you
she
whispered
presently
Oh
ever
since
we
met
in
Misterton
six
years
and
more
ago
CHAPTER
THE
THIRD
MARGARET
IN
VENICE
1
There
comes
into
my
mind
a
confused
memory
of
conversations
with
Margaret
we
must
have
had
dozens
altogether
and
they
mix
in
now
for
the
most
part
inextricably
not
only
with
one
another
but
with
later
talks
and
with
things
we
discussed
at
Pangbourne
We
had
the
immensest
anticipations
of
the
years
and
opportunities
that
lay
before
us
I
was
now
very
deeply
in
love
with
her
indeed
I
felt
not
that
I
had
cleaned
up
my
life
but
that
she
had
We
called
each
other
confederate
I
remember
and
made
during
our
brief
engagement
a
series
of
visits
to
the
various
legislative
bodies
in
London
the
County
Council
the
House
of
Commons
where
we
dined
with
Villiers
and
the
St
Pancras
Vestry
where
we
heard
Shaw
speaking
I
was
full
of
plans
and
so
was
she
of
the
way
in
which
we
were
to
live
and
work
We
were
to
pay
back
in
public
service
whatever
excess
of
wealth
beyond
his
merits
old
Seddons
economic
advantage
had
won
for
him
from
the
toiling
people
in
the
potteries
The
end
of
the
Boer
War
was
so
recent
that
that
blessed
word
efficiency
echoed
still
in
peoples
minds
and
thoughts
Lord
Roseberry
in
a
memorable
oration
had
put
it
into
the
heads
of
the
big
outer
public
but
the
Baileys
with
a
certain
show
of
justice
claimed
to
have
set
it
going
in
the
channels
that
took
it
to
him
if
as
a
matter
of
fact
it
was
taken
to
him
But
then
it
was
their
habit
to
make
claims
of
that
sort
They
certainly
did
their
share
to
keep
efficient
going
Altioras
highest
praise
was
thoroughly
efficient
We
were
to
be
a
thoroughly
efficient
political
couple
of
the
new
type
She
explained
us
to
herself
and
Oscar
she
explained
us
to
ourselves
she
explained
us
to
the
people
who
came
to
her
dinners
and
afternoons
until
the
world
was
highly
charged
with
explanation
and
expectation
and
the
proposal
that
I
should
be
the
Liberal
candidate
for
the
Kinghamstead
Division
seemed
the
most
natural
development
in
the
world
I
was
full
of
the
ideal
of
hard
restrained
living
and
relentless
activity
and
throughout
a
beautiful
November
at
Venice
where
chiefly
we
spent
our
honeymoon
we
turned
over
and
over
again
and
discussed
in
every
aspect
our
conception
of
a
life
tremendously
focussed
upon
the
ideal
of
social
service
Most
clearly
there
stands
out
a
picture
of
ourselves
talking
in
a
gondola
on
our
way
to
Torcella
Far
away
behind
us
the
smoke
of
Murano
forms
a
black
stain
upon
an
immense
shining
prospect
of
smooth
water
water
as
unruffled
and
luminous
as
the
sky
above
a
mirror
on
which
rows
of
posts
and
distant
black
high
stemmed
swan
necked
boats
with
their
minutely
clear
swinging
gondoliers
float
aerially
Remote
and
low
before
us
rises
the
little
tower
of
our
destination
Our
men
swing
together
and
their
oars
swirl
leisurely
through
the
water
hump
back
in
the
rowlocks
splash
sharply
and
go
swishing
back
again
Margaret
lies
back
on
cushions
with
her
face
shaded
by
a
holland
parasol
and
I
sit
up
beside
her
You
see
I
say
and
in
spite
of
Margarets
note
of
perfect
acquiescence
I
feel
myself
reasoning
against
an
indefinable
antagonism
it
is
so
easy
to
fall
into
a
slack
way
with
life
There
may
seem
to
be
something
priggish
in
a
meticulous
discipline
but
otherwise
it
is
so
easy
to
slip
into
indolent
habits
and
to
be
distracted
from
ones
purpose
The
country
the
world
wants
men
to
serve
its
constructive
needs
to
work
out
and
carry
out
plans
For
a
man
who
has
to
make
a
living
the
enemy
is
immediate
necessity
for
people
like
ourselves
its
its
the
constant
small
opportunity
of
agreeable
things
Frittering
away
she
says
time
and
strength
That
is
what
I
feel
Its
so
pleasant
to
pretend
one
is
simply
modest
it
looks
so
foolish
at
times
to
take
ones
self
too
seriously
Weve
GOT
to
take
ourselves
seriously
She
endorses
my
words
with
her
eyes
I
feel
I
can
do
great
things
with
life
I
KNOW
you
can
But
thats
only
to
be
done
by
concentrating
ones
life
upon
one
main
end
We
have
to
plan
our
days
to
make
everything
subserve
our
scheme
I
feel
she
answers
softly
we
ought
to
give
every
hour
Her
face
becomes
dreamy
I
WANT
to
give
every
hour
she
adds
2
That
holiday
in
Venice
is
set
in
my
memory
like
a
little
artificial
lake
in
uneven
confused
country
as
something
very
bright
and
skylike
and
discontinuous
with
all
about
it
The
faded
quality
of
the
very
sunshine
of
that
season
the
mellow
discoloured
palaces
and
places
the
huge
time
ripened
paintings
of
departed
splendours
the
whispering
nearly
noiseless
passage
of
hearse
black
gondolas
for
the
horrible
steam
launch
had
not
yet
ruined
Venice
the
stilled
magnificences
of
the
depopulated
lagoons
the
universal
autumn
made
me
feel
altogether
in
recess
from
the
teeming
uproars
of
reality
There
was
not
a
dozen
people
all
told
no
Americans
and
scarcely
any
English
to
dine
in
the
big
cavern
of
a
dining
room
with
its
vistas
of
separate
tables
its
distempered
walls
and
its
swathed
chandeliers
We
went
about
seeing
beautiful
things
accepting
beauty
on
every
hand
and
taking
it
for
granted
that
all
was
well
with
ourselves
and
the
world
It
was
ten
days
or
a
fortnight
before
I
became
fretful
and
anxious
for
action
a
long
tranquillity
for
such
a
temperament
as
mine
Our
pleasures
were
curiously
impersonal
a
succession
of
shared
aesthetic
appreciation
threads
all
that
time
Our
honeymoon
was
no
exultant
coming
together
no
mutual
shout
of
YOU
We
were
almost
shy
with
one
another
and
felt
the
relief
of
even
a
picture
to
help
us
out
It
was
entirely
in
my
conception
of
things
that
I
should
be
very
watchful
not
to
shock
or
distress
Margaret
or
press
the
sensuous
note
Our
love
making
had
much
of
the
tepid
smoothness
of
the
lagoons
We
talked
in
delicate
innuendo
of
what
should
be
glorious
freedoms
Margaret
had
missed
Verona
and
Venice
in
her
previous
Italian
journey
fear
of
the
mosquito
had
driven
her
mother
across
Italy
to
the
westward
route
and
now
she
could
fill
up
her
gaps
and
see
the
Titians
and
Paul
Veroneses
she
already
knew
in
colourless
photographs
the
Carpaccios
the
St
George
series
delighted
her
beyond
measure
the
Basaitis
and
that
great
statue
of
Bartolomeo
Colleoni
that
Ruskin
praised
But
since
I
am
not
a
man
to
look
at
pictures
and
architectural
effects
day
after
day
I
did
watch
Margaret
very
closely
and
store
a
thousand
memories
of
her
I
can
see
her
now
her
long
body
drooping
a
little
forward
her
sweet
face
upraised
to
some
discovered
familiar
masterpiece
and
shining
with
a
delicate
enthusiasm
I
can
hear
again
the
soft
cadences
of
her
voice
murmuring
commonplace
comments
for
she
had
no
gift
of
expressing
the
shapeless
satisfaction
these
things
gave
her
Margaret
I
perceived
was
a
cultivated
person
the
first
cultivated
person
with
whom
I
had
ever
come
into
close
contact
She
was
cultivated
and
moral
and
I
I
now
realise
was
never
either
of
these
things
She
was
passive
and
I
am
active
She
did
not
simply
and
naturally
look
for
beauty
but
she
had
been
incited
to
look
for
it
at
school
and
took
perhaps
a
keener
interest
in
books
and
lectures
and
all
the
organisation
of
beautiful
things
than
she
did
in
beauty
itself
she
found
much
of
her
delight
in
being
guided
to
it
Now
a
thing
ceases
to
be
beautiful
to
me
when
some
finger
points
me
out
its
merits
Beauty
is
the
salt
of
life
but
I
take
my
beauty
as
a
wild
beast
gets
its
salt
as
a
constituent
of
the
meal
And
besides
there
was
that
between
us
that
should
have
seemed
more
beautiful
than
any
picture
So
we
went
about
Venice
tracking
down
pictures
and
spiral
staircases
and
such
like
things
and
my
brains
were
busy
all
the
time
with
such
things
as
a
comparison
of
Venice
and
its
nearest
modern
equivalent
New
York
with
the
elaboration
of
schemes
of
action
when
we
returned
to
London
with
the
development
of
a
theory
of
Margaret
Our
marriage
had
done
this
much
at
least
that
it
had
fused
and
destroyed
those
two
independent
ways
of
thinking
about
her
that
had
gone
on
in
my
mind
hitherto
Suddenly
she
had
become
very
near
to
me
and
a
very
big
thing
a
sort
of
comprehensive
generalisation
behind
a
thousand
questions
like
the
sky
or
England
The
judgments
and
understandings
that
had
worked
when
she
was
so
to
speak
miles
away
from
my
life
had
now
to
be
altogether
revised
Trifling
things
began
to
matter
enormously
that
she
had
a
weak
and
easily
fatigued
back
for
example
or
that
when
she
knitted
her
brows
and
stammered
a
little
in
talking
it
didnt
really
mean
that
an
exquisite
significance
struggled
for
utterance
We
visited
pictures
in
the
mornings
chiefly
In
the
afternoon
unless
we
were
making
a
day
long
excursion
in
a
gondola
Margaret
would
rest
for
an
hour
while
I
prowled
about
in
search
of
English
newspapers
and
then
we
would
go
to
tea
in
the
Piazza
San
Marco
and
watch
the
drift
of
people
feeding
the
pigeons
and
going
into
the
little
doors
beneath
the
sunlit
arches
and
domes
of
Saint
Marks
Then
perhaps
we
would
stroll
on
the
Piazzetta
or
go
out
into
the
sunset
in
a
gondola
Margaret
became
very
interested
in
the
shops
that
abound
under
the
colonnades
and
decided
at
last
to
make
an
extensive
purchase
of
table
glass
These
things
she
said
are
quite
beautiful
and
far
cheaper
than
anything
but
the
most
ordinary
looking
English
ware
I
was
interested
in
her
idea
and
a
good
deal
charmed
by
the
delightful
qualities
of
tinted
shape
slender
handle
and
twisted
stem
I
suggested
we
should
get
not
simply
tumblers
and
wineglasses
but
bedroom
waterbottles
fruit
and
sweet
dishes
water
jugs
and
in
the
end
we
made
quite
a
business
like
afternoon
of
it
I
was
beginning
now
to
long
quite
definitely
for
events
Energy
was
accumulating
in
me
and
worrying
me
for
an
outlet
I
found
the
TIMES
and
the
DAILY
TELEGRAPH
and
the
other
papers
I
managed
to
get
hold
of
more
and
more
stimulating
I
nearly
wrote
to
the
former
paper
one
day
in
answer
to
a
letter
by
Lord
Grimthorpe
I
forget
now
upon
what
point
I
chafed
secretly
against
this
life
of
tranquil
appreciations
more
and
more
I
found
my
attitudes
of
restrained
and
delicate
affection
for
Margaret
increasingly
difficult
to
sustain
I
surprised
myself
and
her
by
little
gusts
of
irritability
gusts
like
the
catspaws
before
a
gale
I
was
alarmed
at
these
symptoms
One
night
when
Margaret
had
gone
up
to
her
room
I
put
on
a
light
overcoat
went
out
into
the
night
and
prowled
for
a
long
time
through
the
narrow
streets
smoking
and
thinking
I
returned
and
went
and
sat
on
the
edge
of
her
bed
to
talk
to
her
Look
here
Margaret
I
said
this
is
all
very
well
but
Im
restless
Restless
she
said
with
a
faint
surprise
in
her
voice
Yes
I
think
I
want
exercise
Ive
got
a
sort
of
feeling
Ive
never
had
it
before
as
though
I
was
getting
fat
My
dear
she
cried
I
want
to
do
things
ride
horses
climb
mountains
take
the
devil
out
of
myself
She
watched
me
thoughtfully
Couldnt
we
DO
something
she
said
Do
what
I
dont
know
Couldnt
we
perhaps
go
away
from
here
soon
and
walk
in
the
mountains
on
our
way
home
I
thought
There
seems
to
be
no
exercise
at
all
in
this
place
Isnt
there
some
walk
I
wonder
I
answered
We
might
walk
to
Chioggia
perhaps
along
the
Lido
And
we
tried
that
but
the
long
stretch
of
beach
fatigued
Margarets
back
and
gave
her
blisters
and
we
never
got
beyond
Malamocco
A
day
or
so
after
we
went
out
to
those
pleasant
black
robed
bearded
Armenians
in
their
monastery
at
Saint
Lazzaro
and
returned
towards
sundown
We
fell
into
silence
PIU
LENTO
said
Margaret
to
the
gondolier
and
released
my
accumulated
resolution
Let
us
go
back
to
London
I
said
abruptly
Margaret
looked
at
me
with
surprised
blue
eyes
This
is
beautiful
beyond
measure
you
know
I
said
sticking
to
my
point
but
I
have
work
to
do
She
was
silent
for
some
seconds
I
had
forgotten
she
said
So
had
I
I
sympathised
and
took
her
hand
Suddenly
I
have
remembered
She
remained
quite
still
There
is
so
much
to
be
done
I
said
almost
apologetically
She
looked
long
away
from
me
across
the
lagoon
and
at
last
sighed
like
one
who
has
drunk
deeply
and
turned
to
me
I
suppose
one
ought
not
to
be
so
happy
she
said
Everything
has
been
so
beautiful
and
so
simple
and
splendid
And
clean
It
has
been
just
With
You
the
time
of
my
life
Its
a
pity
such
things
must
end
But
the
world
is
calling
you
dear
I
ought
not
to
have
forgotten
it
I
thought
you
were
resting
and
thinking
But
if
you
are
rested
Would
you
like
us
to
start
to
morrow
She
looked
at
once
so
fragile
and
so
devoted
that
on
the
spur
of
the
moment
I
relented
and
we
stayed
in
Venice
four
more
days
CHAPTER
THE
FOURTH
THE
HOUSE
IN
WESTMINSTER
1
Margaret
had
already
taken
a
little
house
in
Radnor
Square
Westminster
before
our
marriage
a
house
that
seemed
particularly
adaptable
to
our
needs
as
public
spirited
efficients
it
had
been
very
pleasantly
painted
and
papered
under
Margarets
instructions
white
paint
and
clean
open
purples
and
green
predominating
and
now
we
set
to
work
at
once
upon
the
interesting
business
of
arranging
and
with
our
Venetian
glass
as
a
beginning
furnishing
it
We
had
been
fairly
fortunate
with
our
wedding
presents
and
for
the
most
part
it
was
open
to
us
to
choose
just
exactly
what
we
would
have
and
just
precisely
where
we
would
put
it
Margaret
had
a
sense
of
form
and
colour
altogether
superior
to
mine
and
so
quite
apart
from
the
fact
that
it
was
her
money
equipped
us
I
stood
aside
from
all
these
matters
and
obeyed
her
summons
to
a
consultation
only
to
endorse
her
judgment
very
readily
Until
everything
was
settled
I
went
every
day
to
my
old
rooms
in
Vincent
Square
and
worked
at
a
series
of
papers
that
were
originally
intended
for
the
FORTNIGHTLY
REVIEW
the
papers
that
afterwards
became
my
fourth
book
New
Aspects
of
Liberalism
I
still
remember
as
delightful
most
of
the
circumstances
of
getting
into
79
Radnor
Square
The
thin
flavour
of
indecision
about
Margaret
disappeared
altogether
in
a
shop
she
had
the
precisest
ideas
of
what
she
wanted
and
the
devices
of
the
salesman
did
not
sway
her
It
was
very
pleasant
to
find
her
taking
things
out
of
my
hands
with
a
certain
masterfulness
and
showing
the
distinctest
determination
to
make
a
house
in
which
I
should
be
able
to
work
in
that
great
project
of
doing
something
for
the
world
And
I
do
want
to
make
things
pretty
about
us
she
said
You
dont
think
it
wrong
to
have
things
pretty
I
want
them
so
Altiora
has
things
hard
Altiora
I
answered
takes
a
pride
in
standing
ugly
and
uncomfortable
things
But
I
dont
see
that
they
help
her
Anyhow
they
wont
help
me
So
Margaret
went
to
the
best
shops
and
got
everything
very
simple
and
very
good
She
bought
some
pictures
very
well
indeed
there
was
a
little
Sussex
landscape
full
of
wind
and
sunshine
by
Nicholson
for
my
study
that
hit
my
taste
far
better
than
if
I
had
gone
out
to
get
some
such
expression
for
myself
We
will
buy
a
picture
just
now
and
then
she
said
sometimes
when
we
see
one
I
would
come
back
through
the
January
mire
or
fog
from
Vincent
Square
to
the
door
of
79
and
reach
it
at
last
with
a
quite
childish
appreciation
of
the
fact
that
its
solid
Georgian
proportions
and
its
fine
brass
furnishings
belonged
to
MY
home
I
would
use
my
latchkey
and
discover
Margaret
in
the
warm
lit
spacious
hall
with
a
partially
opened
packing
case
fatigued
but
happy
or
go
up
to
have
tea
with
her
out
of
the
right
tea
things
come
at
last
or
be
told
to
notice
what
was
fresh
there
It
wasnt
simply
that
I
had
never
had
a
house
before
but
I
had
really
never
been
except
in
the
most
transitory
way
in
any
house
that
was
nearly
so
delightful
as
mine
promised
to
be
Everything
was
fresh
and
bright
and
softly
and
harmoniously
toned
Downstairs
we
had
a
green
dining
room
with
gleaming
silver
dark
oak
and
English
colour
prints
above
was
a
large
drawing
room
that
could
be
made
still
larger
by
throwing
open
folding
doors
and
it
was
all
carefully
done
in
greys
and
blues
for
the
most
part
with
real
Sheraton
supplemented
by
Sheraton
so
skilfully
imitated
by
an
expert
Margaret
had
discovered
as
to
be
indistinguishable
except
to
a
minute
scrutiny
And
for
me
above
this
and
next
to
my
bedroom
there
was
a
roomy
study
with
specially
thick
stair
carpet
outside
and
thick
carpets
in
the
bedroom
overhead
and
a
big
old
desk
for
me
to
sit
at
and
work
between
fire
and
window
and
another
desk
specially
made
for
me
by
that
expert
if
I
chose
to
stand
and
write
and
open
bookshelves
and
bookcases
and
every
sort
of
convenient
fitting
There
were
electric
heaters
beside
the
open
fire
and
everything
was
put
for
me
to
make
tea
at
any
time
electric
kettle
infuser
biscuits
and
fresh
butter
so
that
I
could
get
up
and
work
at
any
hour
of
the
day
or
night
I
could
do
no
work
in
this
apartment
for
a
long
time
I
was
so
interested
in
the
perfection
of
its
arrangements
And
when
I
brought
in
my
books
and
papers
from
Vincent
Square
Margaret
seized
upon
all
the
really
shabby
volumes
and
had
them
re
bound
in
a
fine
official
looking
leather
I
can
remember
sitting
down
at
that
desk
and
looking
round
me
and
feeling
with
a
queer
effect
of
surprise
that
after
all
even
a
place
in
the
Cabinet
though
infinitely
remote
was
nevertheless
in
the
same
large
world
with
these
fine
and
quietly
expensive
things
On
the
same
floor
Margaret
had
a
den
a
very
neat
and
pretty
den
with
good
colour
prints
of
Botticellis
and
Carpaccios
and
there
was
a
third
apartment
for
sectarial
purposes
should
the
necessity
for
them
arise
with
a
severe
looking
desk
equipped
with
patent
files
And
Margaret
would
come
flitting
into
the
room
to
me
or
appear
noiselessly
standing
a
tall
gracefully
drooping
form
in
the
wide
open
doorway
Is
everything
right
dear
she
would
ask
Come
in
I
would
say
Im
sorting
out
papers
She
would
come
to
the
hearthrug
I
mustnt
disturb
you
she
would
remark
Im
not
busy
yet
Things
are
getting
into
order
Then
we
must
make
out
a
time
table
as
the
Baileys
do
and
BEGIN
Altiora
came
in
to
see
us
once
or
twice
and
a
number
of
serious
young
wives
known
to
Altiora
called
and
were
shown
over
the
house
and
discussed
its
arrangements
with
Margaret
They
were
all
tremendously
keen
on
efficient
arrangements
A
little
pretty
said
Altiora
with
the
faintest
disapproval
still
It
was
clear
she
thought
we
should
grow
out
of
that
From
the
day
of
our
return
we
found
other
peoples
houses
open
to
us
and
eager
for
us
We
went
out
of
London
for
week
ends
and
dined
out
and
began
discussing
our
projects
for
reciprocating
these
hospitalities
As
a
single
man
unattached
I
had
had
a
wide
and
miscellaneous
social
range
but
now
I
found
myself
falling
into
place
in
a
set
For
a
time
I
acquiesced
in
this
I
went
very
little
to
my
clubs
the
Climax
and
the
National
Liberal
and
participated
in
no
bachelor
dinners
at
all
For
a
time
too
I
dropped
out
of
the
garrulous
literary
and
journalistic
circles
I
had
frequented
I
put
up
for
the
Reform
not
so
much
for
the
use
of
the
club
as
a
sign
of
serious
and
substantial
political
standing
I
didnt
go
up
to
Cambridge
I
remember
for
nearly
a
year
so
occupied
was
I
with
my
new
adjustments
The
people
we
found
ourselves
among
at
this
time
were
people
to
put
it
roughly
of
the
Parliamentary
candidate
class
or
people
already
actually
placed
in
the
political
world
They
ranged
between
very
considerable
wealth
and
such
a
hard
bare
independence
as
old
Willersley
and
the
sister
who
kept
house
for
him
possessed
There
were
quite
a
number
of
young
couples
like
ourselves
a
little
younger
and
more
artless
or
a
little
older
and
more
established
Among
the
younger
men
I
had
a
sort
of
distinction
because
of
my
Cambridge
reputation
and
my
writing
and
because
unlike
them
I
was
an
adventurer
and
had
won
and
married
my
way
into
their
circles
instead
of
being
naturally
there
They
couldnt
quite
reckon
upon
what
I
should
do
they
felt
I
had
reserves
of
experience
and
incalculable
traditions
Close
to
us
were
the
Cramptons
Willie
Crampton
who
has
since
been
Postmaster
General
rich
and
very
important
in
Rockshire
and
his
younger
brother
Edward
who
has
specialised
in
history
and
become
one
of
those
unimaginative
men
of
letters
who
are
the
glory
of
latter
day
England
Then
there
was
Lewis
further
towards
Kensington
where
his
cousins
the
Solomons
and
the
Hartsteins
lived
a
brilliant
representative
of
his
race
able
industrious
and
invariably
uninspired
with
a
wife
a
little
in
revolt
against
the
racial
tradition
of
feminine
servitude
and
inclined
to
the
suffragette
point
of
view
and
Bunting
Harblow
an
old
blue
and
with
an
erratic
disposition
well
under
the
control
of
the
able
little
cousin
he
had
married
I
had
known
all
these
men
but
now
with
Altiora
floating
angelically
in
benediction
they
opened
their
hearts
to
me
and
took
me
into
their
order
They
were
all
like
myself
prospective
Liberal
candidates
with
a
feeling
that
the
period
of
wandering
in
the
wilderness
of
opposition
was
drawing
near
its
close
They
were
all
tremendously
keen
upon
social
and
political
service
and
all
greatly
under
the
sway
of
the
ideal
of
a
simple
strenuous
life
a
life
finding
its
satisfactions
in
political
achievements
and
distinctions
The
young
wives
were
as
keen
about
it
as
the
young
husbands
Margaret
most
of
all
and
I
whatever
elements
in
me
didnt
march
with
the
attitudes
and
habits
of
this
set
were
very
much
in
the
background
during
that
time
We
would
give
little
dinners
and
have
evening
gatherings
at
which
everything
was
very
simple
and
very
good
with
a
slight
but
perceptible
austerity
and
there
was
more
good
fruit
and
flowers
and
less
perhaps
in
the
way
of
savouries
patties
and
entrees
than
was
customary
Sherry
we
banished
and
Marsala
and
liqueurs
and
there
was
always
good
home
made
lemonade
available
No
men
waited
but
very
expert
parlourmaids
Our
meat
was
usually
Welsh
mutton
I
dont
know
why
unless
that
mountains
have
ever
been
the
last
refuge
of
the
severer
virtues
And
we
talked
politics
and
books
and
ideas
and
Bernard
Shaw
who
was
a
department
by
himself
and
supposed
in
those
days
to
be
ethically
sound
at
bottom
and
mingled
with
the
intellectuals
I
myself
was
as
it
were
a
promoted
intellectual
The
Cramptons
had
a
tendency
to
read
good
things
aloud
on
their
less
frequented
receptions
but
I
have
never
been
able
to
participate
submissively
in
this
hyper
digestion
of
written
matter
and
generally
managed
to
provoke
a
disruptive
debate
We
were
all
very
earnest
to
make
the
most
of
ourselves
and
to
be
and
do
and
I
wonder
still
at
times
with
an
unassuaged
perplexity
how
it
is
that
in
that
phase
of
utmost
earnestness
I
have
always
seemed
to
myself
to
be
most
remote
from
reality
2
I
look
back
now
across
the
detaching
intervention
of
sixteen
crowded
years
critically
and
I
fancy
almost
impartially
to
those
beginnings
of
my
married
life
I
try
to
recall
something
near
to
their
proper
order
the
developing
phases
of
relationship
I
am
struck
most
of
all
by
the
immense
unpremeditated
generous
spirited
insincerities
upon
which
Margaret
and
I
were
building
It
seems
to
me
that
here
I
have
to
tell
perhaps
the
commonest
experience
of
all
among
married
educated
people
the
deliberate
shy
complex
effort
to
fill
the
yawning
gaps
in
temperament
as
they
appear
the
sustained
failing
attempt
to
bridge
abysses
level
barriers
evade
violent
pressures
I
have
come
these
latter
years
of
my
life
to
believe
that
it
is
possible
for
a
man
and
woman
to
be
absolutely
real
with
one
another
to
stand
naked
souled
to
each
other
unashamed
and
unafraid
because
of
the
natural
all
glorifying
love
between
them
It
is
possible
to
love
and
be
loved
untroubling
as
a
bird
flies
through
the
air
But
it
is
a
rare
and
intricate
chance
that
brings
two
people
within
sight
of
that
essential
union
and
for
the
majority
marriage
must
adjust
itself
on
other
terms
Most
coupled
people
never
really
look
at
one
another
They
look
a
little
away
to
preconceived
ideas
And
each
from
the
first
days
of
love
making
HIDES
from
the
other
is
afraid
of
disappointing
afraid
of
offending
afraid
of
discoveries
in
either
sense
They
build
not
solidly
upon
the
rock
of
truth
but
upon
arches
and
pillars
and
queer
provisional
supports
that
are
needed
to
make
a
common
foundation
and
below
in
the
imprisoned
darknesses
below
the
fine
fabric
they
sustain
together
begins
for
each
of
them
a
cavernous
hidden
life
Down
there
things
may
be
prowling
that
scarce
ever
peep
out
to
consciousness
except
in
the
grey
half
light
of
sleepless
nights
passions
that
flash
out
for
an
instant
in
an
angry
glance
and
are
seen
no
more
starved
victims
and
beautiful
dreams
bricked
up
to
die
For
the
most
of
us
there
is
no
jail
delivery
of
those
inner
depths
and
the
life
above
goes
on
to
its
honourable
end
I
have
told
how
I
loved
Margaret
and
how
I
came
to
marry
her
Perhaps
already
unintentionally
I
have
indicated
the
quality
of
the
injustice
our
marriage
did
us
both
There
was
no
kindred
between
us
and
no
understanding
We
were
drawn
to
one
another
by
the
unlikeness
of
our
quality
by
the
things
we
misunderstood
in
each
other
I
know
a
score
of
couples
who
have
married
in
that
fashion
Modern
conditions
and
modern
ideas
and
in
particular
the
intenser
and
subtler
perceptions
of
modern
life
press
more
and
more
heavily
upon
a
marriage
tie
whose
fashion
comes
from
an
earlier
and
less
discriminating
time
When
the
wife
was
her
husbands
subordinate
meeting
him
simply
and
uncritically
for
simple
ends
when
marriage
was
a
purely
domestic
relationship
leaving
thought
and
the
vivid
things
of
life
almost
entirely
to
the
unencumbered
man
mental
and
temperamental
incompatibilities
mattered
comparatively
little
But
now
the
wife
and
particularly
the
loving
childless
wife
unpremeditatedly
makes
a
relentless
demand
for
a
complete
association
and
the
husband
exacts
unthought
of
delicacies
of
understanding
and
co
operation
These
are
stupendous
demands
People
not
only
think
more
fully
and
elaborately
about
life
than
they
ever
did
before
but
marriage
obliges
us
to
make
that
ever
more
accidented
progress
a
three
legged
race
of
carelessly
assorted
couples
Our
very
mental
texture
was
different
I
was
rough
minded
to
use
the
phrase
of
William
James
primary
and
intuitive
and
illogical
she
was
tender
minded
logical
refined
and
secondary
She
was
loyal
to
pledge
and
persons
sentimental
and
faithful
I
am
loyal
to
ideas
and
instincts
emotional
and
scheming
My
imagination
moves
in
broad
gestures
hers
was
delicate
with
a
real
dread
of
extravagance
My
quality
is
sensuous
and
ruled
by
warm
impulses
hers
was
discriminating
and
essentially
inhibitory
I
like
the
facts
of
the
case
and
to
mention
everything
I
like
naked
bodies
and
the
jolly
smells
of
things
She
abounded
in
reservations
in
circumlocutions
and
evasions
in
keenly
appreciated
secondary
points
Perhaps
the
reader
knows
that
Tintoretto
in
the
National
Gallery
the
Origin
of
the
Milky
Way
It
is
an
admirable
test
of
tempera
mental
quality
In
spite
of
my
early
training
I
have
come
to
regard
that
picture
as
altogether
delightful
to
Margaret
it
has
always
been
needlessly
offensive
In
that
you
have
our
fundamental
breach
She
had
a
habit
by
no
means
rare
of
damning
what
she
did
not
like
or
find
sympathetic
in
me
on
the
score
that
it
was
not
my
true
self
and
she
did
not
so
much
accept
the
universe
as
select
from
it
and
do
her
best
to
ignore
the
rest
And
also
I
had
far
more
initiative
than
had
she
This
is
no
catalogue
of
rights
and
wrongs
or
superiorities
and
inferiorities
it
is
a
catalogue
of
differences
between
two
people
linked
in
a
relationship
that
constantly
becomes
more
intolerant
of
differences
This
is
how
we
stood
to
each
other
and
none
of
it
was
clear
to
either
of
us
at
the
outset
To
begin
with
I
found
myself
reserving
myself
from
her
then
slowly
apprehending
a
jarring
between
our
minds
and
what
seemed
to
me
at
first
a
queer
little
habit
of
misunderstanding
in
her
It
did
not
hinder
my
being
very
fond
of
her
Where
our
system
of
reservation
became
at
once
most
usual
and
most
astounding
was
in
our
personal
relations
It
is
not
too
much
to
say
that
in
that
regard
we
never
for
a
moment
achieved
sincerity
with
one
another
during
the
first
six
years
of
our
life
together
It
goes
even
deeper
than
that
for
in
my
effort
to
realise
the
ideal
of
my
marriage
I
ceased
even
to
attempt
to
be
sincere
with
myself
I
would
not
admit
my
own
perceptions
and
interpretations
I
tried
to
fit
myself
to
her
thinner
and
finer
determinations
There
are
people
who
will
say
with
a
note
of
approval
that
I
was
learning
to
conquer
myself
I
record
that
much
without
any
note
of
approval
For
some
years
I
never
deceived
Margaret
about
any
concrete
fact
nor
except
for
the
silence
about
my
earlier
life
that
she
had
almost
forced
upon
me
did
I
hide
any
concrete
fact
that
seemed
to
affect
her
but
from
the
outset
I
was
guilty
of
immense
spiritual
concealments
my
very
marriage
was
based
I
see
now
on
a
spiritual
subterfuge
I
hid
moods
from
her
pretended
feelings
3
The
interest
and
excitement
of
setting
up
a
house
of
walking
about
it
from
room
to
room
and
from
floor
to
floor
or
sitting
at
ones
own
dinner
table
and
watching
ones
wife
control
conversation
with
a
pretty
timid
resolution
of
taking
a
place
among
the
secure
and
free
people
of
our
world
passed
almost
insensibly
into
the
interest
and
excitement
of
my
Parliamentary
candidature
for
the
Kinghamstead
Division
that
shapeless
chunk
of
agricultural
midland
between
the
Great
Western
and
the
North
Western
railways
I
was
going
to
take
hold
at
last
the
Kinghamstead
Division
was
my
appointed
handle
I
was
to
find
my
place
in
the
rather
indistinctly
sketched
constructions
that
were
implicit
in
the
minds
of
all
our
circle
The
precise
place
I
had
to
fill
and
the
precise
functions
I
had
to
discharge
were
not
as
yet
very
clear
but
all
that
we
felt
sure
would
become
plain
as
things
developed
A
few
brief
months
of
vague
activities
of
nursing
gave
place
to
the
excitements
of
the
contest
that
followed
the
return
of
Mr
Camphell
Bannerman
to
power
in
1905
So
far
as
the
Kinghamstead
Division
was
concerned
it
was
a
depressed
and
tepid
battle
I
went
about
the
constituency
making
three
speeches
that
were
soon
threadbare
and
an
odd
little
collection
of
people
worked
for
me
two
solicitors
a
cheap
photographer
a
democratic
parson
a
number
of
dissenting
ministers
the
Mayor
of
Kinghamstead
a
Mrs
Bulger
the
widow
of
an
old
Chartist
who
had
grown
rich
through
electric
traction
patents
Sir
Roderick
Newton
a
Jew
who
had
bought
Calersham
Castle
and
old
Sir
Graham
Rivers
that
sturdy
old
soldier
were
among
my
chief
supporters
We
had
headquarters
in
each
town
and
village
mostly
there
were
empty
shops
we
leased
temporarily
and
there
at
least
a
sort
of
fuss
and
a
coming
and
going
were
maintained
The
rest
of
the
population
stared
in
a
state
of
suspended
judgment
as
we
went
about
the
business
The
country
was
supposed
to
be
in
a
state
of
intellectual
conflict
and
deliberate
decision
in
history
it
will
no
doubt
figure
as
a
momentous
conflict
Yet
except
for
an
occasional
flare
of
bill
sticking
or
a
bill
in
a
window
or
a
placard
plastered
motor
car
or
an
argumentative
group
of
people
outside
a
public
house
or
a
sluggish
movement
towards
the
schoolroom
or
village
hall
there
was
scarcely
a
sign
that
a
great
empire
was
revising
its
destinies
Now
and
then
one
saw
a
canvasser
on
a
doorstep
For
the
most
part
people
went
about
their
business
with
an
entirely
irresponsible
confidence
in
the
stability
of
the
universe
At
times
one
felt
a
little
absurd
with
ones
flutter
of
colours
and
ones
air
of
saving
the
country
My
opponent
was
a
quite
undistinguished
Major
General
who
relied
upon
his
advocacy
of
Protection
and
was
particularly
anxious
we
should
avoid
personalities
and
fight
the
constituency
in
a
gentlemanly
spirit
He
was
always
writing
me
notes
apologising
for
excesses
on
the
part
of
his
supporters
or
pointing
out
the
undesirability
of
some
course
taken
by
mine
My
speeches
had
been
planned
upon
broad
lines
but
they
lost
touch
with
these
as
the
polling
approached
To
begin
with
I
made
a
real
attempt
to
put
what
was
in
my
mind
before
the
people
I
was
to
supply
with
a
political
voice
I
spoke
of
the
greatness
of
our
empire
and
its
destinies
of
the
splendid
projects
and
possibilities
of
life
and
order
that
lay
before
the
world
of
all
that
a
resolute
and
constructive
effort
might
do
at
the
present
time
We
are
building
a
state
I
said
secure
and
splendid
we
are
in
the
dawn
of
the
great
age
of
mankind
Sometimes
that
would
get
a
solitary
Ear
ear
Then
having
created
as
I
imagined
a
fine
atmosphere
I
turned
upon
the
history
of
the
last
Conservative
administration
and
brought
it
into
contrast
with
the
wide
occasions
of
the
age
discussed
its
failure
to
control
the
grasping
financiers
in
South
Africa
its
failure
to
release
public
education
from
sectarian
squabbles
its
misconduct
of
the
Boer
War
its
waste
of
the
worlds
resources
It
soon
became
manifest
that
my
opening
and
my
general
spaciousness
of
method
bored
my
audiences
a
good
deal
The
richer
and
wider
my
phrases
the
thinner
sounded
my
voice
in
these
non
resonating
gatherings
Even
the
platform
supporters
grew
restive
unconsciously
and
stirred
and
coughed
They
did
not
recognise
themselves
as
mankind
Building
an
empire
preparing
a
fresh
stage
in
the
history
of
humanity
had
no
appeal
for
them
They
were
mostly
everyday
toiling
people
full
of
small
personal
solicitudes
and
they
came
to
my
meetings
I
think
very
largely
as
a
relaxation
This
stuff
was
not
relaxing
They
did
not
think
politics
was
a
great
constructive
process
they
thought
it
was
a
kind
of
dog
fight
They
wanted
fun
they
wanted
spice
they
wanted
hits
they
wanted
also
a
chance
to
say
Ear
ear
in
an
intelligent
and
honourable
manner
and
clap
their
hands
and
drum
with
their
feet
The
great
constructive
process
in
history
gives
so
little
scope
for
clapping
and
drumming
and
saying
Ear
ear
One
might
as
well
think
of
hounding
on
the
solar
system
So
after
one
or
two
attempts
to
lift
my
audiences
to
the
level
of
the
issues
involved
I
began
to
adapt
myself
to
them
I
cut
down
my
review
of
our
imperial
outlook
and
destinies
more
and
more
and
developed
a
series
of
hits
and
anecdotes
and
what
shall
I
call
them
crudifications
of
the
issue
My
helpers
congratulated
me
on
the
rapid
improvement
of
my
platform
style
I
ceased
to
speak
of
the
late
Prime
Minister
with
the
respect
I
bore
him
and
began
to
fall
in
with
the
popular
caricature
of
him
as
an
artful
rabbit
witted
person
intent
only
on
keeping
his
leadership
in
spite
of
the
vigorous
attempts
of
Mr
Joseph
Chamberlain
to
oust
him
therefrom
I
ceased
to
qualify
my
statement
that
Protection
would
make
food
dearer
for
the
agricultural
labourer
I
began
to
speak
of
Mr
Alfred
Lyttelton
as
an
influence
at
once
insane
and
diabolical
as
a
man
inspired
by
a
passionate
desire
to
substitute
manacled
but
still
criminal
Chinese
for
honest
British
labourers
throughout
the
world
And
when
it
came
to
the
mention
of
our
own
kindly
leader
of
Mr
John
Burns
or
any
one
else
of
any
prominence
at
all
on
our
side
I
fell
more
and
more
into
the
intonation
of
one
who
mentions
the
high
gods
And
I
had
my
reward
in
brighter
meetings
and
readier
and
readier
applause
One
goes
on
from
phase
to
phase
in
these
things
After
all
I
told
myself
if
one
wants
to
get
to
Westminster
one
must
follow
the
road
that
leads
there
but
I
found
the
road
nevertheless
rather
unexpectedly
distasteful
When
one
gets
there
I
said
then
it
is
one
begins
But
I
would
lie
awake
at
nights
with
that
sore
throat
and
headache
and
fatigue
which
come
from
speaking
in
ill
ventilated
rooms
and
wondering
how
far
it
was
possible
to
educate
a
whole
people
to
great
political
ideals
Why
should
political
work
always
rot
down
to
personalities
and
personal
appeals
in
this
way
Life
is
I
suppose
to
begin
with
and
end
with
a
matter
of
personalities
from
personalities
all
our
broader
interests
arise
and
to
personalities
they
return
All
our
social
and
political
effort
all
of
it
is
like
trying
to
make
a
crowd
of
people
fall
into
formation
The
broader
lines
appear
but
then
come
a
rush
and
excitement
and
irrelevancy
and
forthwith
the
incipient
order
has
vanished
and
the
marshals
must
begin
the
work
over
again
My
memory
of
all
that
time
is
essentially
confusion
There
was
a
frightful
lot
of
tiresome
locomotion
in
it
for
the
Kinghamstead
Division
is
extensive
abounding
in
ill
graded
and
badly
metalled
cross
roads
and
vicious
little
hills
and
singularly
unpleasing
to
the
eye
in
a
muddy
winter
It
is
sufficiently
near
to
London
to
have
undergone
the
same
process
of
ill
regulated
expansion
that
made
Bromstead
the
place
it
is
Several
of
its
overgrown
villages
have
developed
strings
of
factories
and
sidings
along
the
railway
lines
and
there
is
an
abundance
of
petty
villas
There
seemed
to
be
no
place
at
which
one
could
take
hold
of
more
than
this
or
that
element
of
the
population
Now
we
met
in
a
meeting
house
now
in
a
Masonic
Hall
or
Drill
Hall
I
also
did
a
certain
amount
of
open
air
speaking
in
the
dinner
hour
outside
gas
works
and
groups
of
factories
Some
special
sort
of
people
was
as
it
were
secreted
in
response
to
each
special
appeal
One
said
things
carefully
adjusted
to
the
distinctive
limitations
of
each
gathering
Jokes
of
an
incredible
silliness
and
shallowness
drifted
about
us
Our
advisers
made
us
declare
that
if
we
were
elected
we
would
live
in
the
district
and
one
hasty
agent
had
bills
printed
If
Mr
Remington
is
elected
he
will
live
here
The
enemy
obtained
a
number
of
these
bills
and
stuck
them
on
outhouses
pigstyes
dog
kennels
you
cannot
imagine
how
irksome
the
repetition
of
that
jest
became
The
vast
drifting
indifference
in
between
my
meetings
impressed
me
more
and
more
I
realised
the
vagueness
of
my
own
plans
as
I
had
never
done
before
I
brought
them
to
the
test
of
this
experience
I
was
perplexed
by
the
riddle
of
just
how
far
I
was
in
any
sense
of
the
word
taking
hold
at
all
how
far
I
wasnt
myself
flowing
into
an
accepted
groove
Margaret
was
troubled
by
no
such
doubts
She
was
clear
I
had
to
go
into
Parliament
on
the
side
of
Liberalism
and
the
light
as
against
the
late
Government
and
darkness
Essential
to
the
memory
of
my
first
contest
is
the
memory
of
her
clear
bright
face
very
resolute
and
grave
helping
me
consciously
steadfastly
with
all
her
strength
Her
quiet
confidence
while
I
was
so
dissatisfied
worked
curiously
towards
the
alienation
of
my
sympathies
I
felt
she
had
no
business
to
be
so
sure
of
me
I
had
moments
of
vivid
resentment
at
being
thus
marched
towards
Parliament
I
seemed
now
always
to
be
discovering
alien
forces
of
character
in
her
Her
way
of
taking
life
diverged
from
me
more
and
more
She
sounded
amazing
independent
notes
She
bought
some
particularly
costly
furs
for
the
campaign
that
roused
enthusiasm
whenever
she
appeared
She
also
made
me
a
birthday
present
in
November
of
a
heavily
fur
trimmed
coat
and
this
she
would
make
me
remove
as
I
went
on
to
the
platform
and
hold
over
her
arm
until
I
was
ready
to
resume
it
It
was
fearfully
heavy
for
her
and
she
liked
it
to
be
heavy
for
her
That
act
of
servitude
was
in
essence
a
towering
self
assertion
I
would
glance
sideways
while
some
chairman
floundered
through
his
introduction
and
see
the
clear
blue
eye
with
which
she
regarded
the
audience
which
existed
so
far
as
she
was
concerned
merely
to
return
me
to
Parliament
It
was
a
friendly
eye
provided
they
were
not
silly
or
troublesome
But
it
kindled
a
little
at
the
hint
of
a
hostile
question
After
we
had
come
so
far
and
taken
so
much
trouble
She
constituted
herself
the
dragoman
of
our
political
travels
In
hotels
she
was
serenely
resolute
for
the
quietest
and
the
best
she
rejected
all
their
proposals
for
meals
and
substituted
a
severely
nourishing
dietary
of
her
own
and
even
in
private
houses
she
astonished
me
by
her
tranquil
insistence
upon
special
comforts
and
sustenance
I
can
see
her
face
now
as
it
would
confront
a
hostess
a
little
intent
but
sweetly
resolute
and
assured
Since
our
marriage
she
had
read
a
number
of
political
memoirs
and
she
had
been
particularly
impressed
by
the
career
of
Mrs
Gladstone
I
dont
think
it
occurred
to
her
to
compare
and
contrast
my
quality
with
that
of
Mrs
Gladstones
husband
I
suspect
her
of
a
deliberate
intention
of
achieving
parallel
results
by
parallel
methods
I
was
to
be
Gladstonised
Gladstone
it
appeared
used
to
lubricate
his
speeches
with
a
mixture
if
my
memory
serves
me
right
of
egg
beaten
up
in
sherry
and
Margaret
was
very
anxious
I
should
take
a
leaf
from
that
celebrated
book
She
wanted
I
know
to
hold
the
glass
in
her
hand
while
I
was
speaking
But
here
I
was
firm
No
I
said
very
decisively
simply
I
wont
stand
that
Its
a
matter
of
conscience
I
shouldnt
feel
democratic
Ill
take
my
chance
of
the
common
water
in
the
carafe
on
the
chairmans
table
I
DO
wish
you
wouldnt
she
said
distressed
It
was
absurd
to
feel
irritated
it
was
so
admirable
of
her
a
little
childish
infinitely
womanly
and
devoted
and
fine
and
I
see
now
how
pathetic
But
I
could
not
afford
to
succumb
to
her
I
wanted
to
follow
my
own
leading
to
see
things
clearly
and
this
reassuring
pose
of
a
high
destiny
of
an
almost
terribly
efficient
pursuit
of
a
fixed
end
when
as
a
matter
of
fact
I
had
a
very
doubtful
end
and
an
aim
as
yet
by
no
means
fixed
was
all
too
seductive
for
dalliance
4
And
into
all
these
things
with
the
manner
of
a
trifling
and
casual
incident
comes
the
figure
of
Isabel
Rivers
My
first
impressions
of
her
were
of
a
rather
ugly
and
ungainly
extraordinarily
interesting
schoolgirl
with
a
beautiful
quick
flush
under
her
warm
brown
skin
who
said
and
did
amusing
and
surprising
things
When
first
I
saw
her
she
was
riding
a
very
old
bicycle
downhill
with
her
feet
on
the
fork
of
the
frame
it
seemed
to
me
to
the
public
danger
but
afterwards
I
came
to
understand
the
quality
of
her
nerve
better
and
on
the
third
occasion
she
was
for
her
own
private
satisfaction
climbing
a
tree
On
the
intervening
occasion
we
had
what
seems
now
to
have
been
a
long
sustained
conversation
about
the
political
situation
and
the
books
and
papers
I
had
written
I
wonder
if
it
was
What
a
delightful
mixture
of
child
and
grave
woman
she
was
at
that
time
and
how
little
I
reckoned
on
the
part
she
would
play
in
my
life
And
since
she
has
played
that
part
how
impossible
it
is
to
tell
now
of
those
early
days
Since
I
wrote
that
opening
paragraph
to
this
section
my
idle
pen
has
been
as
it
were
playing
by
itself
and
sketching
faces
on
the
blotting
pad
one
impish
wizened
visage
is
oddly
like
little
Bailey
and
I
have
been
thinking
cheek
on
fist
amidst
a
limitless
wealth
of
memories
She
sits
below
me
on
the
low
wall
under
the
olive
trees
with
our
little
child
in
her
arms
She
is
now
the
central
fact
in
my
life
It
still
seems
a
little
incredible
that
that
should
be
so
She
has
destroyed
me
as
a
politician
brought
me
to
this
belated
rebeginning
of
life
When
I
sit
down
and
try
to
make
her
a
girl
again
I
feel
like
the
Arabian
fisherman
who
tried
to
put
the
genius
back
into
the
pot
from
which
it
had
spread
gigantic
across
the
skies
I
have
a
very
clear
vision
of
her
rush
downhill
past
our
labouring
ascendant
car
my
colours
fluttered
from
handle
bar
and
shoulder
knot
and
her
waving
hand
and
the
sharp
note
of
her
voice
She
cried
out
something
I
dont
know
what
some
greeting
What
a
pretty
girl
said
Margaret
Parvill
the
cheap
photographer
that
industrious
organiser
for
whom
by
way
of
repayment
I
got
those
magic
letters
that
knighthood
of
the
underlings
J
P
was
in
the
car
with
us
and
explained
her
to
us
One
of
the
best
workers
you
have
he
said
And
then
after
a
toilsome
troubled
morning
we
came
rather
cross
from
the
strain
of
sustained
amiability
to
Sir
Graham
Rivers
house
It
seemed
all
softness
and
quiet
I
recall
dead
white
panelling
and
oval
mirrors
horizontally
set
and
a
marble
fireplace
between
white
marble
blind
Homer
and
marble
blind
Virgil
very
grave
and
fine
and
how
Isabel
came
in
to
lunch
in
a
shapeless
thing
like
a
blue
smock
that
made
her
bright
quick
changing
face
seem
yellow
under
her
cloud
of
black
hair
Her
step
sister
was
there
Miss
Gamer
to
whom
the
house
was
to
descend
a
well
dressed
lady
of
thirty
amiably
disavowing
responsibility
for
Isabel
in
every
phrase
and
gesture
And
there
was
a
very
pleasant
doctor
an
Oxford
man
who
seemed
on
excellent
terms
with
every
one
It
was
manifest
that
he
was
in
the
habit
of
sparring
with
the
girl
but
on
this
occasion
she
wasnt
sparring
and
refused
to
be
teased
into
a
display
in
spite
of
the
taunts
of
either
him
or
her
father
She
was
they
discovered
with
rising
eyebrows
shy
It
seemed
an
opportunity
too
rare
for
them
to
miss
They
proclaimed
her
enthusiasm
for
me
in
a
way
that
brought
a
flush
to
her
cheek
and
a
look
into
her
eye
between
appeal
and
defiance
They
declared
she
had
read
my
books
which
I
thought
at
the
time
was
exaggeration
their
dry
political
quality
was
so
distinctly
not
what
one
was
accustomed
to
regard
as
schoolgirl
reading
Miss
Gamer
protested
to
protect
her
When
once
in
a
blue
moon
Isabel
is
well
behaved
Except
for
these
attacks
I
do
not
remember
much
of
the
conversation
at
table
it
was
I
know
discursive
and
concerned
with
the
sort
of
topographical
and
social
and
electioneering
fact
natural
to
such
a
visit
Old
Rivers
struck
me
as
a
delightful
person
modestly
unconscious
of
his
doubly
earned
V
C
and
the
plucky
defence
of
Kardin
Bergat
that
won
his
baronetcy
He
was
that
excellent
type
the
soldier
radical
and
we
began
that
day
a
friendship
that
was
only
ended
by
his
death
in
the
hunting
field
three
years
later
He
interested
Margaret
into
a
disregard
of
my
plate
and
the
fact
that
I
had
secured
the
illegal
indulgence
of
Moselle
After
lunch
we
went
for
coffee
into
another
low
room
this
time
brown
panelled
and
looking
through
French
windows
on
a
red
walled
garden
graceful
even
in
its
winter
desolation
And
there
the
conversation
suddenly
picked
up
and
became
good
It
had
fallen
to
a
pause
and
the
doctor
with
an
air
of
definitely
throwing
off
a
mask
and
wrecking
an
established
tranquillity
remarked
Very
probably
you
Liberals
will
come
in
though
Im
not
sure
youll
come
in
so
mightily
as
you
think
but
what
you
do
when
you
do
come
in
passes
my
comprehension
Theres
good
work
sometimes
said
Sir
Graham
in
undoing
You
cant
govern
a
great
empire
by
amending
and
repealing
the
Acts
of
your
predecessors
said
the
doctor
There
came
that
kind
of
pause
that
happens
when
a
subject
is
broached
too
big
and
difficult
for
the
gathering
Margarets
blue
eyes
regarded
the
speaker
with
quiet
disapproval
for
a
moment
and
then
came
to
me
in
the
not
too
confident
hope
that
I
would
snub
him
out
of
existence
with
some
prompt
rhetorical
stroke
A
voice
spoke
out
of
the
big
arm
chair
Well
do
things
said
Isabel
The
doctors
eye
lit
with
the
joy
of
the
fisherman
who
strikes
his
fish
at
last
What
will
you
do
he
asked
her
Every
one
knows
were
a
mixed
lot
said
Isabel
Poor
old
chaps
like
me
interjected
the
general
But
thats
not
a
programme
said
the
doctor
But
Mr
Remington
has
published
a
programme
said
Isabel
The
doctor
cocked
half
an
eye
at
me
In
some
review
the
girl
went
on
After
all
were
not
going
to
elect
the
whole
Liberal
party
in
the
Kinghamstead
Division
Im
a
Remington
ite
But
the
programme
said
the
doctor
the
programme
In
front
of
Mr
Remington
Scandal
always
comes
home
at
last
said
the
doctor
Let
him
hear
the
worst
Id
like
to
hear
I
said
Electioneering
shatters
convictions
and
enfeebles
the
mind
Not
mine
said
Isabel
stoutly
I
mean
Well
anyhow
I
take
it
Mr
Remington
stands
for
constructing
a
civilised
state
out
of
this
muddle
THIS
muddle
protested
the
doctor
with
an
appeal
of
the
eye
to
the
beautiful
long
room
and
the
ordered
garden
outside
the
bright
clean
windows
Well
THAT
muddle
if
you
like
Theres
a
slum
within
a
mile
of
us
already
The
dust
and
blacks
get
worse
and
worse
Sissie
They
do
agreed
Miss
Gamer
Mr
Remington
stands
for
construction
order
education
discipline
And
you
said
the
doctor
Im
a
good
Remington
ite
Discipline
said
the
doctor
Oh
said
Isabel
At
times
one
has
to
be
Napoleonic
They
want
to
libel
me
Mr
Remington
A
political
worker
cant
always
be
in
time
for
meals
can
she
At
times
one
has
to
make
splendid
cuts
Miss
Gamer
said
something
indistinctly
Order
education
discipline
said
Sir
Graham
Excellent
things
But
Ive
a
sort
of
memory
in
my
young
days
we
talked
about
something
called
liberty
Liberty
under
the
law
I
said
with
an
unexpected
approving
murmur
from
Margaret
and
took
up
the
defence
The
old
Liberal
definition
of
liberty
was
a
trifle
uncritical
Privilege
and
legal
restrictions
are
not
the
only
enemies
of
liberty
An
uneducated
underbred
and
underfed
propertyless
man
is
a
man
who
has
lost
the
possibility
of
liberty
Theres
no
liberty
worth
a
rap
for
him
A
man
who
is
swimming
hopelessly
for
life
wants
nothing
but
the
liberty
to
get
out
of
the
water
hell
give
every
other
liberty
for
it
until
he
gets
out
Sir
Graham
took
me
up
and
we
fell
into
a
discussion
of
the
changing
qualities
of
Liberalism
It
was
a
good
give
and
take
talk
extraordinarily
refreshing
after
the
nonsense
and
crowding
secondary
issues
of
the
electioneering
outside
We
all
contributed
more
or
less
except
Miss
Gamer
Margaret
followed
with
knitted
brows
and
occasional
interjections
People
wont
SEE
that
for
example
and
It
all
seems
so
plain
to
me
The
doctor
showed
himself
clever
but
unsubstantial
and
inconsistent
Isabel
sat
back
with
her
black
mop
of
hair
buried
deep
in
the
chair
looking
quickly
from
face
to
face
Her
colour
came
and
went
with
her
vivid
intellectual
excitement
occasionally
she
would
dart
a
word
usually
a
very
apt
word
like
a
lizards
tongue
into
the
discussion
I
remember
chiefly
that
a
chance
illustration
betrayed
that
she
had
read
Bishop
Burnet
After
that
it
was
not
surprising
that
Isabel
should
ask
for
a
lift
in
our
car
as
far
as
the
Lurky
Committee
Room
and
that
she
should
offer
me
quite
sound
advice
EN
ROUTE
upon
the
intellectual
temperament
of
the
Lurky
gasworkers
On
the
third
occasion
that
I
saw
Isabel
she
was
as
I
have
said
climbing
a
tree
and
a
very
creditable
tree
for
her
own
private
satisfaction
It
was
a
lapse
from
the
high
seriousness
of
politics
and
I
perceived
she
felt
that
I
might
regard
it
as
such
and
attach
too
much
importance
to
it
I
had
some
difficulty
in
reassuring
her
And
its
odd
to
note
now
it
has
never
occurred
to
me
before
that
from
that
day
to
this
I
do
not
think
I
have
ever
reminded
Isabel
of
that
encounter
And
after
that
memory
she
seems
to
be
flickering
about
always
in
the
election
an
inextinguishable
flame
now
she
flew
by
on
her
bicycle
now
she
dashed
into
committee
rooms
now
she
appeared
on
doorsteps
in
animated
conversation
with
dubious
voters
I
took
every
chance
I
could
to
talk
to
her
I
had
never
met
anything
like
her
before
in
the
world
and
she
interested
me
immensely
and
before
the
polling
day
she
and
I
had
become
in
the
frankest
simplicity
fast
friends
That
I
think
sets
out
very
fairly
the
facts
of
our
early
relationship
But
it
is
hard
to
get
it
true
either
in
form
or
texture
because
of
the
bright
translucent
coloured
and
refracting
memories
that
come
between
One
forgets
not
only
the
tint
and
quality
of
thoughts
and
impressions
through
that
intervening
haze
one
forgets
them
altogether
I
dont
remember
now
that
I
ever
thought
in
those
days
of
passionate
love
or
the
possibility
of
such
love
between
us
I
may
have
done
so
again
and
again
But
I
doubt
it
very
strongly
I
dont
think
I
ever
thought
of
such
aspects
I
had
no
more
sense
of
any
danger
between
us
seeing
the
years
and
things
that
separated
us
than
I
could
have
had
if
she
had
been
an
intelligent
bright
eyed
bird
Isabel
came
into
my
life
as
a
new
sort
of
thing
she
didnt
join
on
at
all
to
my
previous
experiences
of
womanhood
They
were
not
as
I
have
laboured
to
explain
either
very
wide
or
very
penetrating
experiences
on
the
whole
strangled
dinginess
expresses
them
but
I
do
not
believe
they
were
narrower
or
shallower
than
those
of
many
other
men
of
my
class
I
thought
of
women
as
pretty
things
and
beautiful
things
pretty
rather
than
beautiful
attractive
and
at
times
disconcertingly
attractive
often
bright
and
witty
but
because
of
the
vast
reservations
that
hid
them
from
me
wanting
subtly
and
inevitably
wanting
in
understanding
My
idealisation
of
Margaret
had
evaporated
insensibly
after
our
marriage
The
shrine
I
had
made
for
her
in
my
private
thoughts
stood
at
last
undisguisedly
empty
But
Isabel
did
not
for
a
moment
admit
of
either
idealisation
or
interested
contempt
She
opened
a
new
sphere
of
womanhood
to
me
With
her
steady
amber
brown
eyes
her
unaffected
interest
in
impersonal
things
her
upstanding
waistless
blue
body
her
energy
decision
and
courage
she
seemed
rather
some
new
and
infinitely
finer
form
of
boyhood
than
a
feminine
creature
as
I
had
come
to
measure
femininity
She
was
my
perfect
friend
Could
I
have
foreseen
had
my
world
been
more
wisely
planned
to
this
day
we
might
have
been
such
friends
She
seemed
at
that
time
unconscious
of
sex
though
she
has
told
me
since
how
full
she
was
of
protesting
curiosities
and
restrained
emotions
She
spoke
as
indeed
she
has
always
spoken
simply
clearly
and
vividly
schoolgirl
slang
mingled
with
words
that
marked
ample
voracious
reading
and
she
moved
quickly
with
the
free
directness
of
some
graceful
young
animal
She
took
many
of
the
easy
freedoms
a
man
or
a
sister
might
have
done
with
me
She
would
touch
my
arm
lay
a
hand
on
my
shoulder
as
I
sat
adjust
the
lapel
of
a
breast
pocket
as
she
talked
to
me
She
says
now
she
loved
me
always
from
the
beginning
I
doubt
if
there
was
a
suspicion
of
that
in
her
mind
those
days
I
used
to
find
her
regarding
me
with
the
clearest
steadiest
gaze
in
the
world
exactly
like
the
gaze
of
some
nice
healthy
innocent
animal
in
a
forest
interested
inquiring
speculative
but
singularly
untroubled
5
Polling
day
came
after
a
last
hoarse
and
dingy
crescendo
The
excitement
was
not
of
the
sort
that
makes
one
forget
one
is
tired
out
The
waiting
for
the
end
of
the
count
has
left
a
long
blank
mark
on
my
memory
and
then
everyone
was
shaking
my
hand
and
repeating
Nine
hundred
and
seventy
six
My
success
had
been
a
foregone
conclusion
since
the
afternoon
but
we
all
behaved
as
though
we
had
not
been
anticipating
this
result
for
hours
as
though
any
other
figures
but
nine
hundred
and
seventy
six
would
have
meant
something
entirely
different
Nine
hundred
and
seventy
six
said
Margaret
They
didnt
expect
three
hundred
Nine
hundred
and
seventy
six
said
a
little
short
man
with
a
paper
It
means
a
big
turnover
Two
dozen
short
of
a
thousand
you
know
A
tremendous
hullaboo
began
outside
and
a
lot
of
fresh
people
came
into
the
room
Isabel
flushed
but
not
out
of
breath
Heaven
knows
where
she
had
sprung
from
at
that
time
of
night
was
running
her
hand
down
my
sleeve
almost
caressingly
with
the
innocent
bold
affection
of
a
girl
Got
you
in
she
said
Its
been
no
end
of
a
lark
And
now
said
I
I
must
go
and
be
constructive
Now
you
must
go
and
be
constructive
she
said
Youve
got
to
live
here
she
added
By
Jove
yes
I
said
Well
have
to
house
hunt
I
shall
read
all
your
speeches
She
hesitated
I
wish
I
was
you
she
said
and
said
it
as
though
it
was
not
exactly
the
thing
she
was
meaning
to
say
They
want
you
to
speak
said
Margaret
with
something
unsaid
in
her
face
You
must
come
out
with
me
I
answered
putting
my
arm
through
hers
and
felt
someone
urging
me
to
the
French
windows
that
gave
on
the
balcony
If
you
think
she
said
yielding
gladly
Oh
RATHER
said
I
The
Mayor
of
Kinghamstead
a
managing
little
man
with
no
great
belief
in
my
oratorical
powers
was
sticking
his
face
up
to
mine
Its
all
over
he
said
and
youve
won
Say
all
the
nice
things
you
can
and
say
them
plainly
I
turned
and
handed
Margaret
out
through
the
window
and
stood
looking
over
the
Market
place
which
was
more
than
half
filled
with
swaying
people
The
crowd
set
up
a
roar
of
approval
at
the
sight
of
us
tempered
by
a
little
booing
Down
in
one
corner
of
the
square
a
fight
was
going
on
for
a
flag
a
fight
that
even
the
prospect
of
a
speech
could
not
instantly
check
Speech
cried
voices
Speech
and
then
a
brief
boo
oo
oo
that
was
drowned
in
a
cascade
of
shouts
and
cheers
The
conflict
round
the
flag
culminated
in
the
smashing
of
a
pane
of
glass
in
the
chemists
window
and
instantly
sank
to
peace
Gentlemen
voters
of
the
Kinghamstead
Division
I
began
Votes
for
Women
yelled
a
voice
amidst
laughter
the
first
time
I
remember
hearing
that
memorable
war
cry
Three
cheers
for
Mrs
Remington
Mrs
Remington
asks
me
to
thank
you
I
said
amidst
further
uproar
and
reiterated
cries
of
Speech
Then
silence
came
with
a
startling
swiftness
Isabel
was
still
in
my
mind
I
suppose
I
shall
go
to
Westminster
I
began
I
sought
for
some
compelling
phrase
and
could
not
find
one
To
do
my
share
I
went
on
in
building
up
a
great
and
splendid
civilisation
I
paused
and
there
was
a
weak
gust
of
cheering
and
then
a
renewal
of
booing
This
election
I
said
has
been
the
end
and
the
beginning
of
much
New
ideas
are
abroad
Chinese
labour
yelled
a
voice
and
across
the
square
swept
a
wildfire
of
booting
and
bawling
It
is
one
of
the
few
occasions
when
I
quite
lost
my
hold
on
a
speech
I
glanced
sideways
and
saw
the
Mayor
of
Kinghamstead
speaking
behind
his
hand
to
Parvill
By
a
happy
chance
Parvill
caught
my
eye
What
do
they
want
I
asked
Eh
What
do
they
want
Say
something
about
general
fairness
the
other
side
prompted
Parvill
flattered
but
a
little
surprised
by
my
appeal
I
pulled
myself
hastily
into
a
more
popular
strain
with
a
gross
eulogy
of
my
opponents
good
taste
Chinese
labour
cried
the
voice
again
Youve
given
that
notice
to
quit
I
answered
The
Market
place
roared
delight
but
whether
that
delight
expressed
hostility
to
Chinamen
or
hostility
to
their
practical
enslavement
no
student
of
the
General
Election
of
1906
has
ever
been
able
to
determine
Certainly
one
of
the
most
effective
posters
on
our
side
displayed
a
hideous
yellow
face
just
that
and
nothing
more
There
was
not
even
a
legend
to
it
How
it
impressed
the
electorate
we
did
not
know
but
that
it
impressed
the
electorate
profoundly
there
can
be
no
disputing
6
Kinghamstead
was
one
of
the
earliest
constituencies
fought
and
we
came
back
it
must
have
been
Saturday
triumphant
but
very
tired
to
our
house
in
Radnor
Square
In
the
train
we
read
the
first
intimations
that
the
victory
of
our
party
was
likely
to
be
a
sweeping
one
Then
came
a
period
when
one
was
going
about
receiving
and
giving
congratulations
and
watching
the
other
men
arrive
very
like
a
boy
who
has
returned
to
school
with
the
first
batch
after
the
holidays
The
London
world
reeked
with
the
General
Election
it
had
invaded
the
nurseries
All
the
children
of
ones
friends
had
got
big
maps
of
England
cut
up
into
squares
to
represent
constituencies
and
were
busy
sticking
gummed
blue
labels
over
the
conquered
red
of
Unionism
that
had
hitherto
submerged
the
country
And
there
were
also
orange
labels
if
I
remember
rightly
to
represent
the
new
Labour
party
and
green
for
the
Irish
I
engaged
myself
to
speak
at
one
or
two
London
meetings
and
lunched
at
the
Reform
which
was
fairly
tepid
and
dined
and
spent
one
or
two
tumultuous
evenings
at
the
National
Liberal
Club
which
was
in
active
eruption
The
National
Liberal
became
feverishly
congested
towards
midnight
as
the
results
of
the
counting
came
dropping
in
A
big
green
baize
screen
had
been
fixed
up
at
one
end
of
the
large
smoking
room
with
the
names
of
the
constituencies
that
were
voting
that
day
and
directly
the
figures
came
to
hand
up
they
went
amidst
cheers
that
at
last
lost
their
energy
through
sheer
repetition
whenever
there
was
record
of
a
Liberal
gain
I
dont
remember
what
happened
when
there
was
a
Liberal
loss
I
dont
think
that
any
were
announced
while
I
was
there
How
packed
and
noisy
the
place
was
and
what
a
reek
of
tobacco
and
whisky
fumes
we
made
Everybody
was
excited
and
talking
making
waves
of
harsh
confused
sound
that
beat
upon
ones
ears
and
every
now
and
then
hoarse
voices
would
shout
for
someone
to
speak
Our
little
set
was
much
in
evidence
Both
the
Cramptons
were
in
Lewis
Bunting
Harblow
We
gave
brief
addresses
attuned
to
this
excitement
and
the
late
hour
amidst
much
enthusiasm
Now
we
can
DO
things
I
said
amidst
a
rapture
of
applause
Men
I
did
not
know
from
Adam
held
up
glasses
and
nodded
to
me
in
solemn
fuddled
approval
as
I
came
down
past
them
into
the
crowd
again
Men
were
betting
whether
the
Unionists
would
lose
more
or
less
than
two
hundred
seats
I
wonder
just
what
we
shall
do
with
it
all
I
heard
one
sceptic
speculating
After
these
orgies
I
would
get
home
very
tired
and
excited
and
find
it
difficult
to
get
to
sleep
I
would
lie
and
speculate
about
what
it
was
we
WERE
going
to
do
One
hadnt
anticipated
quite
such
a
tremendous
accession
to
power
for
ones
party
Liberalism
was
swirling
in
like
a
flood
I
found
the
next
few
weeks
very
unsatisfactory
and
distressing
I
dont
clearly
remember
what
it
was
I
had
expected
I
suppose
the
fuss
and
strain
of
the
General
Election
had
built
up
a
feeling
that
my
return
would
in
some
way
put
power
into
my
hands
and
instead
I
found
myself
a
mere
undistinguished
unit
in
a
vast
but
rather
vague
majority
There
were
moments
when
I
felt
very
distinctly
that
a
majority
could
be
too
big
a
crowd
altogether
I
had
all
my
work
still
before
me
I
had
achieved
nothing
as
yet
but
opportunity
and
a
very
crowded
opportunity
it
was
at
that
Everyone
about
me
was
chatting
Parliament
and
appointments
one
breathed
distracting
and
irritating
speculations
as
to
what
would
be
done
and
who
would
be
asked
to
do
it
I
was
chiefly
impressed
by
what
was
unlikely
to
be
done
and
by
the
absence
of
any
general
plan
of
legislation
to
hold
us
all
together
I
found
the
talk
about
Parliamentary
procedure
and
etiquette
particularly
trying
We
dined
with
the
elder
Cramptons
one
evening
and
old
Sir
Edward
was
lengthily
sage
about
what
the
House
liked
what
it
didnt
like
what
made
a
good
impression
and
what
a
bad
one
A
man
shouldnt
speak
more
than
twice
in
his
first
session
and
not
at
first
on
too
contentious
a
topic
said
Sir
Edward
No
Very
much
depends
on
manner
The
House
hates
a
lecturer
Theres
a
sort
of
airy
earnestness
He
waved
his
cigar
to
eke
out
his
words
Little
peculiarities
of
costume
count
for
a
great
deal
I
could
name
one
man
who
spent
three
years
living
down
a
pair
of
spatterdashers
On
the
other
hand
a
thing
like
that
if
it
catches
the
eye
of
the
PUNCH
man
for
example
may
be
your
making
He
went
off
into
a
lengthy
speculation
of
why
the
House
had
come
to
like
an
originally
unpopular
Irishman
named
Biggar
The
opening
of
Parliament
gave
me
some
peculiar
moods
I
began
to
feel
more
and
more
like
a
branded
sheep
We
were
sworn
in
in
batches
dozens
and
scores
of
fresh
men
trying
not
to
look
too
fresh
under
the
inspection
of
policemen
and
messengers
all
of
us
carrying
new
silk
hats
and
wearing
magisterial
coats
It
is
one
of
my
vivid
memories
from
this
period
the
sudden
outbreak
of
silk
hats
in
the
smoking
room
of
the
National
Liberal
Club
At
first
I
thought
there
must
have
been
a
funeral
Familiar
faces
that
one
had
grown
to
know
under
soft
felt
hats
under
bowlers
under
liberal
minded
wide
brims
and
above
artistic
ties
and
tweed
jackets
suddenly
met
one
staring
with
the
stern
gaze
of
self
consciousness
from
under
silk
hats
of
incredible
glossiness
There
was
a
disposition
to
wear
the
hat
much
too
forward
I
thought
for
a
good
Parliamentary
style
There
was
much
play
with
the
hats
all
through
a
tremendous
competition
to
get
in
first
and
put
hats
on
coveted
seats
A
memory
hangs
about
me
of
the
House
in
the
early
afternoon
an
inhumane
desolation
inhabited
almost
entirely
by
silk
hats
The
current
use
of
cards
to
secure
seats
came
later
There
were
yards
and
yards
of
empty
green
benches
with
hats
and
hats
and
hats
distributed
along
them
resolute
looking
top
hats
lax
top
hats
with
a
kind
of
shadowy
grin
under
them
sensible
top
bats
brim
upward
and
one
scandalous
incontinent
that
had
rolled
from
the
front
Opposition
bench
right
to
the
middle
of
the
floor
A
headless
hat
is
surely
the
most
soulless
thing
in
the
world
far
worse
even
than
a
skull
At
last
in
a
leisurely
muddled
manner
we
got
to
the
Address
and
I
found
myself
packed
in
a
dense
elbowing
crowd
to
the
right
of
the
Speakers
chair
while
the
attenuated
Opposition
nearly
leaderless
after
the
massacre
tilted
its
brim
to
its
nose
and
sprawled
at
its
ease
amidst
its
empty
benches
There
was
a
tremendous
hullaboo
about
something
and
I
craned
to
see
over
the
shoulder
of
the
man
in
front
Order
order
order
Whats
it
about
I
asked
The
man
in
front
of
me
was
clearly
no
better
informed
and
then
I
gathered
from
a
slightly
contemptuous
Scotchman
beside
me
that
it
was
Chris
Robinson
had
walked
between
the
bonourable
member
in
possession
of
the
house
and
the
Speaker
I
caught
a
glimpse
of
him
blushingly
whispering
about
his
misadventure
to
a
colleague
He
was
just
that
same
little
figure
I
had
once
assisted
to
entertain
at
Cambridge
but
grey
haired
now
and
still
it
seemed
with
the
same
knitted
muffler
he
had
discarded
for
a
reckless
half
hour
while
he
talked
to
us
in
Hatherleighs
rooms
It
dawned
upon
me
that
I
wasnt
particularly
wanted
in
the
House
and
that
I
should
get
all
I
needed
of
the
opening
speeches
next
day
from
the
TIMES
I
made
my
way
out
and
was
presently
walking
rather
aimlessly
through
the
outer
lobby
I
caught
myself
regarding
the
shadow
that
spread
itself
out
before
me
multiplied
itself
in
blue
tints
of
various
intensity
shuffled
itself
like
a
pack
of
cards
under
the
many
lights
the
square
shoulders
the
silk
hat
already
worn
with
a
parliamentary
tilt
backward
I
found
I
was
surveying
this
statesmanlike
outline
with
a
weak
approval
A
MEMBER
I
felt
the
little
cluster
of
people
that
were
scattered
about
the
lobby
must
be
saying
Good
God
I
said
in
hot
reaction
what
am
I
doing
here
It
was
one
of
those
moments
infinitely
trivial
in
themselves
that
yet
are
cardinal
in
a
mans
life
It
came
to
me
with
extreme
vividness
that
it
wasnt
so
much
that
I
had
got
hold
of
something
as
that
something
had
got
hold
of
me
I
distinctly
recall
the
rebound
of
my
mind
Whatever
happened
in
this
Parliament
I
at
least
would
attempt
something
By
God
I
said
I
wont
be
overwhelmed
I
am
here
to
do
something
and
do
something
I
will
But
I
felt
that
for
the
moment
I
could
not
remain
in
the
House
I
went
out
by
myself
with
my
thoughts
into
the
night
It
was
a
chilling
night
and
rare
spots
of
rain
were
falling
I
glanced
over
my
shoulder
at
the
lit
windows
of
the
Lords
I
walked
I
remember
westward
and
presently
came
to
the
Grosvenar
Embankment
and
followed
it
watching
the
glittering
black
rush
of
the
river
and
the
dark
dimly
lit
barges
round
which
the
water
swirled
Across
the
river
was
the
hunched
sky
line
of
Doultons
potteries
and
a
kiln
flared
redly
Dimly
luminous
trams
were
gliding
amidst
a
dotted
line
of
lamps
and
two
little
trains
crawled
into
Waterloo
station
Mysterious
black
figures
came
by
me
and
were
suddenly
changed
to
the
commonplace
at
the
touch
of
the
nearer
lamps
It
was
a
big
confused
world
I
felt
for
a
man
to
lay
his
hands
upon
I
remember
I
crossed
Vauxhall
Bridge
and
stood
for
a
time
watching
the
huge
black
shapes
in
the
darkness
under
the
gas
works
A
shoal
of
coal
barges
lay
indistinctly
on
the
darkly
shining
mud
and
water
below
and
a
colossal
crane
was
perpetually
hauling
up
coal
into
mysterious
blacknesses
above
and
dropping
the
empty
clutch
back
to
the
barges
Just
one
or
two
minute
black
featureless
figures
of
men
toiled
amidst
these
monster
shapes
They
did
not
seem
to
be
controlling
them
but
only
moving
about
among
them
These
gas
works
have
a
big
chimney
that
belches
a
lurid
flame
into
the
night
a
livid
shivering
bluish
flame
shot
with
strange
crimson
streaks
On
the
other
side
of
Lambeth
Bridge
broad
stairs
go
down
to
the
lapping
water
of
the
river
the
lower
steps
are
luminous
under
the
lamps
and
one
treads
unwarned
into
thick
soft
Thames
mud
They
seem
to
be
purely
architectural
steps
they
lead
nowhere
they
have
an
air
of
absolute
indifference
to
mortal
ends
Those
shapes
and
large
inhuman
places
for
all
of
mankind
that
one
sees
at
night
about
Lambeth
is
minute
and
pitiful
beside
the
industrial
monsters
that
snort
and
toil
there
mix
up
inextricably
with
my
memories
of
my
first
days
as
a
legislator
Black
figures
drift
by
me
heavy
vans
clatter
a
newspaper
rough
tears
by
on
a
motor
bicycle
and
presently
on
the
Albert
Embankment
every
seat
has
its
one
or
two
outcasts
huddled
together
and
slumbering
These
things
come
these
things
go
a
whispering
voice
urged
upon
me
as
once
those
vast
unmeaning
Saurians
whose
bones
encumber
museums
came
and
went
rejoicing
noisily
in
fruitless
lives
Fruitless
lives
was
that
the
truth
of
it
all
Later
I
stood
within
sight
of
the
Houses
of
Parliament
in
front
of
the
colonnades
of
St
Thomass
Hospital
I
leant
on
the
parapet
close
by
a
lamp
stand
of
twisted
dolphins
and
I
prayed
I
remember
the
swirl
of
the
tide
upon
the
water
and
how
a
string
of
barges
presently
came
swinging
and
bumping
round
as
high
water
turned
to
ebb
That
sudden
change
of
position
and
my
brief
perplexity
at
it
sticks
like
a
paper
pin
through
the
substance
of
my
thoughts
It
was
then
I
was
moved
to
prayer
I
prayed
that
night
that
life
might
not
be
in
vain
that
in
particular
I
might
not
live
in
vain
I
prayed
for
strength
and
faith
that
the
monstrous
blundering
forces
in
life
might
not
overwhelm
me
might
not
beat
me
back
to
futility
and
a
meaningless
acquiescence
in
existent
things
I
knew
myself
for
the
weakling
I
was
I
knew
that
nevertheless
it
was
set
for
me
to
make
such
order
as
I
could
out
of
these
disorders
and
my
task
cowed
me
gave
me
at
the
thought
of
it
a
sense
of
yielding
feebleness
Break
me
O
God
I
prayed
at
last
disgrace
me
torment
me
destroy
me
as
you
will
but
save
me
from
self
complacency
and
little
interests
and
little
successes
and
the
life
that
passes
like
the
shadow
of
a
dream
BOOK
THE
THIRD
THE
HEART
OF
POLITICS
CHAPTER
THE
FIRST
THE
RIDDLE
FOR
THE
STATESMAN
1
I
have
been
planning
and
replanning
writing
and
rewriting
this
next
portion
of
my
book
for
many
days
I
perceive
I
must
leave
it
raw
edged
and
ill
joined
I
have
learnt
something
of
the
impossibility
of
History
For
all
I
have
had
to
tell
is
the
story
of
one
mans
convictions
and
aims
and
how
they
reacted
upon
his
life
and
I
find
it
too
subtle
and
involved
and
intricate
for
the
doing
I
find
it
taxes
all
my
powers
to
convey
even
the
main
forms
and
forces
in
that
development
It
is
like
looking
through
moving
media
of
changing
hue
and
variable
refraction
at
something
vitally
unstable
Broad
theories
and
generalisations
are
mingled
with
personal
influences
with
prevalent
prejudices
and
not
only
coloured
but
altered
by
phases
of
hopefulness
and
moods
of
depression
The
web
is
made
up
of
the
most
diverse
elements
beyond
treatment
multitudinous
For
a
week
or
so
I
desisted
altogether
and
walked
over
the
mountains
and
returned
to
sit
through
the
warm
soft
mornings
among
the
shaded
rocks
above
this
little
perched
up
house
of
ours
discussing
my
difficulties
with
Isabel
and
I
think
on
the
whole
complicating
them
further
in
the
effort
to
simplify
them
to
manageable
and
stateable
elements
Let
me
nevertheless
attempt
a
rough
preliminary
analysis
of
this
confused
process
A
main
strand
is
quite
easily
traceable
This
main
strand
is
the
story
of
my
obvious
life
my
life
as
it
must
have
looked
to
most
of
my
acquaintances
It
presents
you
with
a
young
couple
bright
hopeful
and
energetic
starting
out
under
Altioras
auspices
to
make
a
career
You
figure
us
well
dressed
and
active
running
about
in
motor
cars
visiting
in
great
peoples
houses
dining
amidst
brilliant
companies
going
to
the
theatre
meeting
in
the
lobby
Margaret
wore
hundreds
of
beautiful
dresses
We
must
have
had
an
air
of
succeeding
meritoriously
during
that
time
We
did
very
continually
and
faithfully
serve
our
joint
career
I
thought
about
it
a
great
deal
and
did
and
refrained
from
doing
ten
thousand
things
for
the
sake
of
it
I
kept
up
a
solicitude
for
it
as
it
were
by
inertia
long
after
things
had
happened
and
changes
occurred
in
me
that
rendered
its
completion
impossible
Under
certain
very
artless
pretences
we
wanted
steadfastly
to
make
a
handsome
position
in
the
world
achieve
respect
SUCCEED
Enormous
unseen
changes
had
been
in
progress
for
years
in
my
mind
and
the
realities
of
my
life
before
our
general
circle
could
have
had
any
inkling
of
their
existence
or
suspected
the
appearances
of
our
life
Then
suddenly
our
proceedings
began
to
be
deflected
our
outward
unanimity
visibly
strained
and
marred
by
the
insurgence
of
these
so
long
hidden
developments
That
career
had
its
own
hidden
side
of
course
but
when
I
write
of
these
unseen
factors
I
do
not
mean
that
but
something
altogether
broader
I
do
not
mean
the
everyday
pettinesses
which
gave
the
cynical
observer
scope
and
told
of
a
narrower
baser
aspect
of
the
fair
but
limited
ambitions
of
my
ostensible
self
This
sub
careerist
element
noted
little
things
that
affected
the
career
made
me
suspicious
of
the
rivalry
of
so
and
so
propitiatory
to
so
and
so
whom
as
a
matter
of
fact
I
didnt
respect
or
feel
in
the
least
sympathetic
towards
guarded
with
that
man
who
for
all
his
charm
and
interest
wasnt
helpful
and
a
little
touchy
at
the
appearance
of
neglect
from
that
No
I
mean
something
greater
and
not
something
smaller
when
I
write
of
a
hidden
life
In
the
ostensible
self
who
glowed
under
the
approbation
of
Altiora
Bailey
and
was
envied
and
discussed
praised
and
depreciated
in
the
House
and
in
smoking
room
gossip
you
really
have
as
much
of
a
man
as
usually
figures
in
a
novel
or
an
obituary
notice
But
I
am
tremendously
impressed
now
in
the
retrospect
by
the
realisation
of
how
little
that
frontage
represented
me
and
just
how
little
such
frontages
do
represent
the
complexities
of
the
intelligent
contemporary
Behind
it
yet
struggling
to
disorganise
and
alter
it
altogether
was
a
far
more
essential
reality
a
self
less
personal
less
individualised
and
broader
in
its
references
Its
aims
were
never
simply
to
get
on
it
had
an
altogether
different
system
of
demands
and
satisfactions
It
was
critical
curious
more
than
a
little
unfeeling
and
relentlessly
illuminating
It
is
just
the
existence
and
development
of
this
more
generalised
self
behind
the
frontage
that
is
making
modern
life
so
much
more
subtle
and
intricate
to
render
and
so
much
more
hopeful
in
its
relations
to
the
perplexities
of
the
universe
I
see
this
mental
and
spiritual
hinterland
vary
enormously
in
the
people
about
me
from
a
type
which
seems
to
keep
as
people
say
all
its
goods
in
the
window
to
others
who
like
myself
come
to
regard
the
ostensible
existence
more
and
more
as
a
mere
experimental
feeder
and
agent
for
that
greater
personality
behind
And
this
back
self
has
its
history
of
phases
its
crises
and
happy
accidents
and
irrevocable
conclusions
more
or
less
distinct
from
the
adventures
and
achievements
of
the
ostensible
self
It
meets
persons
and
phrases
it
assimilates
the
spirit
of
a
book
it
is
startled
into
new
realisations
by
some
accident
that
seems
altogether
irrelevant
to
the
general
tenor
of
ones
life
Its
increasing
independence
of
the
ostensible
career
makes
it
the
organ
of
corrective
criticism
it
accumulates
disturbing
energy
Then
it
breaks
our
overt
promises
and
repudiates
our
pledges
coming
down
at
last
like
an
overbearing
mentor
upon
the
small
engagements
of
the
pupil
In
the
life
of
the
individual
it
takes
the
role
that
the
growth
of
philosophy
science
and
creative
literature
may
play
in
the
development
of
mankind
2
It
is
curious
to
recall
how
Britten
helped
shatter
that
obvious
lucidly
explicable
presentation
of
myself
upon
which
I
had
embarked
with
Margaret
He
returned
to
revive
a
memory
of
adolescent
dreams
and
a
habit
of
adolescent
frankness
he
reached
through
my
shallow
frontage
as
no
one
else
seemed
capable
of
doing
and
dragged
that
back
self
into
relation
with
it
I
remember
very
distinctly
a
dinner
and
a
subsequent
walk
with
him
which
presents
itself
now
as
altogether
typical
of
the
quality
of
his
influence
I
had
come
upon
him
one
day
while
lunching
with
Somers
and
Sutton
at
the
Playwrights
Club
and
had
asked
him
to
dinner
on
the
spur
of
the
moment
He
was
oddly
the
same
curly
headed
red
faced
ventriloquist
and
oddly
different
rather
seedy
as
well
as
untidy
and
at
first
a
little
inclined
to
make
comparisons
with
my
sleek
successfulness
But
that
disposition
presently
evaporated
and
his
talk
was
good
and
fresh
and
provocative
And
something
that
had
long
been
straining
at
its
checks
in
my
mind
flapped
over
and
he
and
I
found
ourselves
of
one
accord
Altiora
wasnt
at
this
dinner
When
she
came
matters
were
apt
to
become
confusedly
strenuous
There
was
always
a
slight
and
ineffectual
struggle
at
the
end
on
the
part
of
Margaret
to
anticipate
Altioras
overpowering
tendency
to
a
rally
and
the
establishment
of
some
entirely
unjustifiable
conclusion
by
a
COUP
DE
MAIN
When
however
Altiora
was
absent
the
quieter
influence
of
the
Cramptons
prevailed
temperance
and
information
for
its
own
sake
prevailed
excessively
over
dinner
and
the
play
of
thought
Good
Lord
what
bores
the
Cramptons
were
I
wonder
I
endured
them
as
I
did
They
had
all
of
them
the
trick
of
lying
in
wait
conversationally
they
had
no
sense
of
the
self
exposures
the
gallant
experiments
in
statement
that
are
necessary
for
good
conversation
They
would
watch
one
talking
with
an
expression
exactly
like
peeping
through
bushes
Then
they
would
as
it
were
dash
out
dissent
succinctly
contradict
some
secondary
fact
and
back
to
cover
They
gave
one
twilight
nerves
Their
wives
were
easier
but
still
difficult
at
a
stretch
they
talked
a
good
deal
about
children
and
servants
but
with
an
air
caught
from
Altiora
of
making
observations
upon
sociological
types
Lewis
gossiped
about
the
House
in
an
entirely
finite
manner
He
never
raised
a
discussion
nobody
ever
raised
a
discussion
He
would
ask
what
we
thought
of
Eveshams
question
that
afternoon
and
Edward
would
say
it
was
good
and
Mrs
Willie
who
had
been
behind
the
grille
would
think
it
was
very
good
and
then
Willie
parting
the
branches
would
say
rather
conclusively
that
he
didnt
think
it
was
very
much
good
and
I
would
deny
hearing
the
question
in
order
to
evade
a
profitless
statement
of
views
in
that
vacuum
and
then
we
would
cast
about
in
our
minds
for
some
other
topic
of
equal
interest
On
this
occasion
Altiora
was
absent
and
to
qualify
our
Young
Liberal
bleakness
we
had
Mrs
Millingham
with
her
white
hair
and
her
fresh
mind
and
complexion
and
Esmeer
Willie
Crampton
was
with
us
but
not
his
wife
who
was
having
her
third
baby
on
principle
his
brother
Edward
was
present
and
the
Lewises
and
of
course
the
Bunting
Harblows
There
was
also
some
other
lady
I
remember
her
as
pale
blue
but
for
the
life
of
me
I
cannot
remember
her
name
Quite
early
there
was
a
little
breeze
between
Edward
Crampton
and
Esmeer
who
had
ventured
an
opinion
about
the
partition
of
Poland
Edward
was
at
work
then
upon
the
seventh
volume
of
his
monumental
Life
of
Kosciusko
and
a
little
impatient
with
views
perhaps
not
altogether
false
but
betraying
a
lamentable
ignorance
of
accessible
literature
At
any
rate
his
correction
of
Esmeer
was
magisterial
After
that
there
was
a
distinct
and
not
altogether
delightful
pause
and
then
some
one
it
may
have
been
the
pale
blue
lady
asked
Mrs
Lewis
whether
her
aunt
Lady
Carmixter
had
returned
from
her
rest
and
sun
cure
in
Italy
That
led
to
a
rather
anxiously
sustained
talk
about
regimen
and
Willie
told
us
how
he
had
profited
by
the
no
breakfast
system
It
had
increased
his
power
of
work
enormously
He
could
get
through
ten
hours
a
day
now
without
inconvenience
What
do
you
do
said
Esmeer
abruptly
Oh
no
end
of
work
Theres
all
the
estate
and
looking
after
things
But
publicly
I
asked
three
questions
yesterday
And
for
one
of
them
I
had
to
consult
nine
books
We
were
drifting
I
could
see
towards
Doctor
Haigs
system
of
dietary
and
whether
the
exclusion
or
inclusion
of
fish
and
chicken
were
most
conducive
to
high
efficiency
when
Britten
who
had
refused
lemonade
and
claret
and
demanded
Burgundy
broke
out
and
was
discovered
to
be
demanding
in
his
throat
just
what
we
Young
Liberals
thought
we
were
up
to
I
want
said
Britten
repeating
his
challenge
a
little
louder
to
hear
just
exactly
what
you
think
you
are
doing
in
Parliament
Lewis
laughed
nervously
and
thought
we
were
Seeking
the
Good
of
the
Community
HOW
Beneficient
Legislation
said
Lewis
Beneficient
in
what
direction
insisted
Britten
I
want
to
know
where
you
think
you
are
going
Amelioration
of
Social
Conditions
said
Lewis
Thats
only
a
phrase
You
wouldnt
have
me
sketch
bills
at
dinner
Id
like
you
to
indicate
directions
said
Britten
and
waited
Upward
and
On
said
Lewis
with
conscious
neatness
and
turned
to
ask
Mrs
Bunting
Harblow
about
her
little
boys
French
For
a
time
talk
frothed
over
Brittens
head
but
the
natural
mischief
in
Mrs
Millingham
had
been
stirred
and
she
was
presently
echoing
his
demand
in
lisping
quasi
confidential
undertones
What
ARE
we
Liberals
doing
Then
Esmeer
fell
in
with
the
revolutionaries
To
begin
with
I
was
a
little
shocked
by
this
clamour
for
fundamentals
and
a
little
disconcerted
I
had
the
experience
that
I
suppose
comes
to
every
one
at
times
of
discovering
oneself
together
with
two
different
sets
of
people
with
whom
one
has
maintained
two
different
sets
of
attitudes
It
had
always
been
I
perceived
an
instinctive
suppression
in
our
circle
that
we
shouldnt
be
more
than
vague
about
our
political
ideals
It
had
almost
become
part
of
my
morality
to
respect
this
convention
It
was
understood
we
were
all
working
hard
and
keeping
ourselves
fit
tremendously
fit
under
Altioras
inspiration
Pro
Bono
Publico
Bunting
Harblow
had
his
under
secretaryship
and
Lewis
was
on
the
verge
of
the
Cabinet
and
these
things
we
considered
to
be
in
the
nature
of
confirmations
It
added
to
tbe
discomfort
of
the
situation
that
these
plunging
enquiries
were
being
made
in
the
presence
of
our
wives
The
rebel
section
of
our
party
forced
the
talk
Edward
Crampton
was
presently
declaring
I
forget
in
what
relation
The
country
is
with
us
My
long
controlled
hatred
of
the
Cramptons
stereotyped
phrases
about
the
Country
and
the
House
got
the
better
of
me
I
showed
my
cloven
hoof
to
my
friends
for
the
first
time
We
dont
respect
the
Country
as
we
used
to
do
I
said
We
havent
the
same
belief
we
used
to
have
in
the
will
of
the
people
Its
no
good
Crampton
trying
to
keep
that
up
We
Liberals
know
as
a
matter
of
fact
nowadays
every
one
knows
that
the
monster
that
brought
us
into
power
has
among
other
deficiencies
no
head
Weve
got
to
give
it
one
if
possible
with
brains
and
a
will
That
lies
in
the
future
For
the
present
if
the
country
is
with
us
it
means
merely
that
we
happen
to
have
hold
of
its
tether
Lewis
was
shocked
A
mandate
from
the
Country
was
sacred
to
his
system
of
pretences
Britten
wasnt
subdued
by
his
first
rebuff
presently
he
was
at
us
again
There
were
several
attempts
to
check
his
outbreak
of
interrogation
I
remember
the
Cramptons
asked
questions
about
the
welfare
of
various
cousins
of
Lewis
who
were
unknown
to
the
rest
of
us
and
Margaret
tried
to
engage
Britten
in
a
sympathetic
discussion
of
the
Arts
and
Crafts
exhibition
But
Britten
and
Esmeer
were
persistent
Mrs
Millingham
was
mischievous
and
in
the
end
our
rising
hopes
of
Young
Liberalism
took
to
their
thickets
for
good
while
we
talked
all
over
them
of
the
prevalent
vacuity
of
political
intentions
Margaret
was
perplexed
by
me
It
is
only
now
I
perceive
just
how
perplexing
I
must
have
been
Of
course
she
said
with
that
faint
stress
of
apprehension
in
her
eyes
one
must
have
aims
And
it
isnt
always
easy
to
put
everything
into
phrases
Dont
be
long
said
Mrs
Edward
Crampton
to
her
hsuband
as
the
wives
trooped
out
And
afterwards
when
we
went
upstairs
I
had
an
indefinable
persuasion
that
the
ladies
had
been
criticising
Brittens
share
in
our
talk
in
an
altogether
unfavourable
spirit
Mrs
Edward
evidently
thought
him
aggressive
and
impertinent
and
Margaret
with
a
quiet
firmness
that
brooked
no
resistance
took
him
at
once
into
a
corner
and
showed
him
Italian
photographs
by
Coburn
We
dispersed
early
I
walked
with
Britten
along
the
Chelsea
back
streets
towards
Battersea
Bridge
he
lodged
on
the
south
side
Mrs
Millinghams
a
dear
he
began
Shes
a
dear
I
liked
her
demand
for
a
hansom
because
a
four
wheeler
was
too
safe
She
was
worked
up
I
said
Shes
a
woman
of
faultless
character
but
her
instincts
as
Altiora
would
say
are
anarchistic
when
she
gives
them
a
chance
So
she
takes
it
out
in
hansom
cabs
Hansom
cabs
Shes
wise
said
Britten
I
hope
Remington
he
went
on
after
a
pause
I
didnt
rag
your
other
guests
too
much
Ive
a
sort
of
feeling
at
moments
Remington
those
chaps
are
so
infernally
not
not
bloody
Its
part
of
a
mans
duty
sometimes
at
least
to
eat
red
beef
and
get
drunk
How
is
he
to
understand
government
if
he
doesnt
It
scares
me
to
think
of
your
lot
by
a
sort
of
misapprehension
being
in
power
A
kind
of
neuralgia
in
the
head
by
way
of
government
I
dont
understand
where
YOU
come
in
Those
others
theyve
no
lusts
Their
ideal
is
anaemia
You
and
I
we
had
at
least
a
lust
to
take
hold
of
life
and
make
something
of
it
They
they
want
to
take
hold
of
life
and
make
nothing
of
it
They
want
to
cut
out
all
the
stimulants
Just
as
though
life
was
anything
else
but
a
reaction
to
stimulation
He
began
to
talk
of
his
own
life
He
had
had
ill
fortune
through
most
of
it
He
was
poor
and
unsuccessful
and
a
girl
he
had
been
very
fond
of
had
been
attacked
and
killed
by
a
horse
in
a
field
in
a
very
horrible
manner
These
things
had
wounded
and
tortured
him
but
they
hadnt
broken
him
They
had
it
seemed
to
me
made
a
kind
of
crippled
and
ugly
demigod
of
him
He
was
I
began
to
perceive
so
much
better
than
I
had
any
right
to
expect
At
first
I
had
been
rather
struck
by
his
unkempt
look
and
it
made
my
reaction
all
the
stronger
There
was
about
him
something
a
kind
of
raw
and
bleeding
faith
in
the
deep
things
of
life
that
stirred
me
profoundly
as
he
showed
it
My
set
of
people
had
irritated
him
and
disappointed
him
I
discovered
at
his
touch
how
they
irritated
him
He
reproached
me
boldly
He
made
me
feel
ashamed
of
my
easy
acquiescences
as
I
walked
in
my
sleek
tall
neatness
beside
his
rather
old
coat
his
rather
battered
hat
his
sturdier
shorter
shape
and
listened
to
his
denunciations
of
our
self
satisfied
New
Liberalism
and
Progressivism
It
has
the
same
relation
to
progress
the
reality
of
progress
that
the
things
they
paint
on
door
panels
in
the
suburbs
have
to
art
and
beauty
Theres
a
sort
of
filiation
Your
Altioras
just
the
political
equivalent
of
the
ladies
who
sell
traced
cloth
for
embroidery
shes
a
dealer
in
Refined
Social
Reform
for
the
Parlour
The
real
progress
Remington
is
a
graver
thing
and
a
painfuller
thing
and
a
slower
thing
altogether
Look
THAT
and
he
pointed
to
where
under
a
boarding
in
the
light
of
a
gas
lamp
a
dingy
prostitute
stood
lurking
was
in
Babylon
and
Nineveh
Your
little
lot
make
believe
there
wont
be
anything
of
the
sort
after
this
Parliament
Theyre
going
to
vanish
at
a
few
top
notes
from
Altiora
Bailey
Remington
its
foolery
Its
prigs
at
play
Its
make
believe
make
believe
Your
people
there
havent
got
hold
of
things
arent
beginning
to
get
hold
of
things
dont
know
anything
of
life
at
all
shirk
life
avoid
life
get
in
little
bright
clean
rooms
and
talk
big
over
your
bumpers
of
lemonade
while
the
Night
goes
by
outside
untouched
Those
Crampton
fools
slink
by
all
this
he
waved
at
the
woman
again
pretend
it
doesnt
exist
or
is
going
to
be
banished
root
and
branch
by
an
Act
to
keep
children
in
the
wet
outside
public
houses
Do
you
think
they
really
care
Remington
I
dont
Its
make
believe
What
they
want
to
do
what
Lewis
wants
to
do
what
Mrs
Bunting
Harblow
wants
her
husband
to
do
is
to
sit
and
feel
very
grave
and
necessary
and
respected
on
the
Government
benches
They
think
of
putting
their
feet
out
like
statesmen
and
tilting
shiny
hats
with
becoming
brims
down
over
their
successful
noses
Presentation
portrait
to
a
club
at
fifty
Thats
their
Reality
Thats
their
scope
They
dont
its
manifest
WANT
to
think
beyond
that
The
things
there
ARE
Remington
theyll
never
face
the
wonder
and
the
depth
of
life
lust
and
the
night
sky
pain
But
the
good
intention
I
pleaded
the
Good
Will
Sentimentality
said
Britten
No
Good
Will
is
anything
but
dishonesty
unless
it
frets
and
burns
and
hurts
and
destroys
a
man
That
lot
of
yours
have
nothing
but
a
good
will
to
think
they
have
good
will
Do
you
think
they
lie
awake
of
nights
searching
their
hearts
as
we
do
Lewis
Crampton
Or
those
neat
admiring
satisfied
little
wives
See
how
they
shrank
from
the
probe
We
all
I
said
shrink
from
the
probe
God
help
us
said
Britten
We
are
but
vermin
at
the
best
Remington
he
broke
out
and
the
greatest
saint
only
a
worm
that
has
lifted
its
head
for
a
moment
from
the
dust
We
are
damned
we
are
meant
to
be
damned
coral
animalculae
building
upward
upward
in
a
sea
of
damnation
But
of
all
the
damned
things
that
ever
were
damned
your
damned
shirking
temperate
sham
efficient
self
satisfied
respectable
make
believe
Fabian
spirited
Young
Liberal
is
tbe
utterly
damnedest
He
paused
for
a
moment
and
resumed
in
an
entirely
different
note
Which
is
why
I
was
so
surprised
Remington
to
find
YOU
in
this
set
Youre
just
the
old
plunger
you
used
to
be
Britten
I
said
Youre
going
too
far
with
all
your
might
for
the
sake
of
the
damns
Like
a
donkey
that
drags
its
cart
up
a
bank
to
get
thistles
Theres
depths
in
Liberalism
We
were
talking
about
Liberals
Liberty
Liberty
What
do
YOOR
little
lot
know
of
liberty
What
does
any
little
lot
know
of
liberty
It
waits
outside
too
big
for
our
understanding
Like
the
night
and
the
stars
And
lust
Remington
lust
and
bitterness
Dont
I
know
them
with
all
the
sweetness
and
hope
of
life
bitten
and
trampled
the
dear
eyes
and
the
brain
that
loved
and
understood
and
my
poor
mumble
of
a
life
going
on
Im
within
sight
of
being
a
drunkard
Remington
Im
a
failure
by
most
standards
Life
has
cut
me
to
the
bone
But
Im
not
afraid
of
it
any
more
Ive
paid
something
of
the
price
Ive
seen
something
of
the
meaning
He
flew
off
at
a
tangent
Id
rather
die
in
Delirium
Tremens
he
cried
than
be
a
Crampton
or
a
Lewis
Make
believe
Make
believe
The
phrase
and
Brittens
squat
gestures
haunted
me
as
I
walked
homeward
alone
I
went
to
my
room
and
stood
before
my
desk
and
surveyed
papers
and
files
and
Margarets
admirable
equipment
of
me
I
perceived
in
the
lurid
light
of
Brittens
suggestions
that
so
it
was
Mr
George
Alexander
would
have
mounted
a
statesmans
private
room
3
I
was
never
at
any
stage
a
loyal
party
man
I
doubt
if
party
will
ever
again
be
the
force
it
was
during
the
eighteenth
and
nineteenth
centuries
Men
are
becoming
increasingly
constructive
and
selective
less
patient
under
tradition
and
the
bondage
of
initial
circumstances
As
education
becomes
more
universal
and
liberating
men
will
sort
themselves
more
and
more
by
their
intellectual
temperaments
and
less
and
less
by
their
accidental
associations
The
past
will
rule
them
less
the
future
more
It
is
not
simply
party
but
school
and
college
and
county
and
country
that
lose
their
glamour
One
does
not
hear
nearly
as
much
as
our
forefathers
did
of
the
old
Harrovian
old
Arvonian
old
Etonian
claim
to
this
or
that
unfair
advantage
or
unearnt
sympathy
Even
the
Scotch
and
the
Devonians
weaken
a
little
in
their
clannishness
A
widening
sense
of
fair
play
destroys
such
things
They
follow
freemasonry
down
freemasonry
of
which
one
is
chiefly
reminded
nowadays
in
England
by
propitiatory
symbols
outside
shady
public
houses
There
is
of
course
a
type
of
man
which
clings
very
obstinately
to
party
ties
These
are
the
men
with
strong
reproductive
imaginations
and
no
imaginative
initiative
such
men
as
Cladingbowl
for
example
or
Dayton
They
are
the
scholars
at
large
in
life
For
them
the
fact
that
the
party
system
has
been
essential
in
the
history
of
England
for
two
hundred
years
gives
it
an
overwhelming
glamour
They
have
read
histories
and
memoirs
they
see
the
great
grey
pile
of
Westminster
not
so
much
for
what
it
is
as
for
what
it
was
rich
with
dramatic
memories
populous
with
glorious
ghosts
phrasing
itself
inevitably
in
anecdotes
and
quotations
It
seems
almost
scandalous
that
new
things
should
continue
to
happen
swamping
with
strange
qualities
the
savour
of
these
old
associations
That
Mr
Ramsay
Macdonald
should
walk
through
Westminster
Hall
thrust
himself
it
may
be
through
the
very
piece
of
space
that
once
held
Charles
the
Martyr
pleading
for
his
life
seems
horrible
profanation
to
Dayton
a
last
posthumous
outrage
and
he
would
I
think
like
to
have
the
front
benches
left
empty
now
for
ever
or
at
most
adorned
with
laureated
ivory
tablets
Here
Dizzy
sat
and
On
this
Spot
William
Ewart
Gladstone
made
his
First
Budget
Speech
Failing
this
he
demands
if
only
as
signs
of
modesty
and
respect
on
the
part
of
the
survivors
meticulous
imitation
Mr
G
he
murmurs
would
not
have
done
that
and
laments
a
vanished
subtlety
even
while
Mr
Evesham
is
speaking
He
is
always
gloomily
disposed
to
lapse
into
wonderings
about
what
things
are
coming
to
wonderings
that
have
no
grain
of
curiosity
His
conception
of
perfect
conduct
is
industrious
persistence
along
the
worn
down
well
marked
grooves
of
the
great
recorded
days
So
infinitely
more
important
to
him
is
the
documented
respected
thing
than
the
elusive
present
Cladingbowl
and
Dayton
do
not
shine
in
the
House
though
Cladingbowl
is
a
sound
man
on
a
committee
and
Dayton
keeps
the
OLD
COUNTRY
GAZETTE
the
most
gentlemanly
paper
in
London
They
prevail
however
in
their
clubs
at
lunch
time
There
with
the
pleasant
consciousness
of
a
mornings
work
free
from
either
zeal
or
shirking
they
mingle
with
permanent
officials
prominent
lawyers
even
a
few
of
the
soberer
type
of
business
men
and
relax
their
minds
in
the
discussion
of
the
morning
paper
of
the
architecture
of
the
West
End
and
of
the
latest
public
appointments
of
golf
of
holiday
resorts
of
the
last
judicial
witticisms
and
forensic
crushers
The
New
Year
and
Birthday
honours
lists
are
always
very
sagely
and
exhaustively
considered
and
anecdotes
are
popular
and
keenly
judged
They
do
not
talk
of
the
things
that
are
really
active
in
their
minds
but
in
the
formal
and
habitual
manner
they
suppose
to
be
proper
to
intelligent
but
still
honourable
men
Socialism
individual
money
matters
and
religion
are
forbidden
topics
and
sex
and
women
only
in
so
far
as
they
appear
in
the
law
courts
It
is
to
me
the
strangest
of
conventions
this
assumption
of
unreal
loyalties
and
traditional
respects
this
repudiation
and
concealment
of
passionate
interests
It
is
like
wearing
gloves
in
summer
fields
or
bathing
in
a
gown
or
falling
in
love
with
the
heroine
of
a
novel
or
writing
under
a
pseudonym
or
becoming
a
masked
Tuareg
It
is
not
I
think
that
men
of
my
species
are
insensitive
to
the
great
past
that
is
embodied
in
Westminster
and
its
traditions
we
are
not
so
much
wanting
in
the
historical
sense
as
alive
to
the
greatness
of
our
present
opportunities
and
the
still
vaster
future
that
is
possible
to
us
London
is
the
most
interesting
beautiful
and
wonderful
city
in
the
world
to
me
delicate
in
her
incidental
and
multitudinous
littleness
and
stupendous
in
her
pregnant
totality
I
cannot
bring
myself
to
use
her
as
a
museum
or
an
old
bookshop
When
I
think
of
Whitehall
that
little
affair
on
the
scaffold
outside
the
Banqueting
Hall
seems
trivial
and
remote
in
comparison
with
the
possibilities
that
offer
themselves
to
my
imagination
within
the
great
grey
Government
buildings
close
at
hand
It
gives
me
a
qualm
of
nostalgia
even
to
name
those
places
now
I
think
of
St
Stephens
tower
streaming
upwards
into
the
misty
London
night
and
the
great
wet
quadrangle
of
New
Palace
Yard
from
which
the
hansom
cabs
of
my
first
experiences
were
ousted
more
and
more
by
taxicabs
as
the
second
Parliament
of
King
Edward
the
Seventh
aged
I
think
of
the
Admiralty
and
War
office
with
their
tall
Marconi
masts
sending
out
invisible
threads
of
direction
to
the
armies
in
the
camps
to
great
fleets
about
the
world
The
crowded
darkly
shining
river
goes
flooding
through
my
memory
once
again
on
to
those
narrow
seas
that
part
us
from
our
rival
nations
I
see
quadrangles
and
corridors
of
spacious
grey
toned
offices
in
which
undistinguished
little
men
and
little
files
of
papers
link
us
to
islands
in
the
tropics
to
frozen
wildernesses
gashed
for
gold
to
vast
temple
studded
plains
to
forest
worlds
and
mountain
worlds
to
ports
and
fortresses
and
lighthouses
and
watch
towers
and
grazing
lands
and
corn
lands
all
about
the
globe
Once
more
I
traverse
Victoria
Street
grimy
and
dark
where
the
Agents
of
the
Empire
jostle
one
another
pass
the
big
embassies
in
the
West
End
with
their
flags
and
scutcheons
follow
the
broad
avenue
that
leads
to
Buckingham
Palace
witness
the
coming
and
going
of
troops
and
officials
and
guests
along
it
from
every
land
on
earth
Interwoven
in
the
texture
of
it
all
mocking
perplexing
stimulating
beyond
measure
is
the
gleaming
consciousness
the
challenging
knowledge
You
and
your
kind
might
still
if
you
could
but
grasp
it
here
mould
all
the
destiny
of
Man
4
My
first
three
years
in
Parliament
were
years
of
active
discontent
The
little
group
of
younger
Liberals
to
which
I
belonged
was
very
ignorant
of
the
traditions
and
qualities
of
our
older
leaders
and
quite
out
of
touch
with
the
mass
of
the
party
For
a
time
Parliament
was
enormously
taken
up
with
moribund
issues
and
old
quarrels
The
early
Educational
legislation
was
sectarian
and
unenterprising
and
the
Licensing
Bill
went
little
further
than
the
attempted
rectification
of
a
Conservative
mistake
I
was
altogether
for
the
nationalisation
of
the
public
houses
and
of
this
end
the
Bill
gave
no
intimations
It
was
just
beer
baiting
I
was
recalcitrant
almost
from
the
beginning
and
spoke
against
the
Government
so
early
as
the
second
reading
of
the
first
Education
Bill
the
one
the
Lords
rejected
in
1906
I
went
a
little
beyond
my
intention
in
the
heat
of
speaking
it
is
a
way
with
inexperienced
man
I
called
the
Bill
timid
narrow
a
mere
sop
to
the
jealousies
of
sects
and
little
minded
people
I
contrasted
its
aim
and
methods
with
the
manifest
needs
of
the
time
I
am
not
a
particularly
good
speaker
after
the
manner
of
a
writer
I
worry
to
find
my
meaning
too
much
but
this
was
one
of
my
successes
I
spoke
after
dinner
and
to
a
fairly
full
House
for
people
were
already
a
little
curious
about
me
because
of
my
writings
Several
of
the
Conservative
leaders
were
present
and
stayed
and
Mr
Evesham
I
remember
came
ostentatiously
to
hear
me
with
that
engaging
friendliness
of
his
and
gave
me
at
the
first
chance
an
approving
Hear
Hear
I
can
still
recall
quite
distinctly
my
two
futile
attempts
to
catch
the
Speakers
eye
before
I
was
able
to
begin
the
nervous
quiver
of
my
rather
too
prepared
opening
the
effect
of
hearing
my
own
voice
and
my
subconscious
wonder
as
to
what
I
could
possibly
be
talking
about
the
realisation
that
I
was
getting
on
fairly
well
the
immense
satisfaction
afterwards
of
having
on
the
whole
brought
it
off
and
the
absurd
gratitude
I
felt
for
that
encouraging
cheer
Addressing
the
House
of
Commons
is
like
no
other
public
speaking
in
the
world
Its
semi
colloquial
methods
give
it
an
air
of
being
easy
but
its
shifting
audience
the
comings
and
goings
and
hesitations
of
members
behind
the
chair
not
mere
audience
units
but
men
who
matter
the
desolating
emptiness
that
spreads
itself
round
the
man
who
fails
to
interest
the
little
compact
disciplined
crowd
in
the
strangers
gallery
the
light
elusive
flickering
movements
high
up
behind
the
grill
the
wigged
attentive
weary
Speaker
the
table
and
the
mace
and
the
chapel
like
Gothic
background
with
its
sombre
shadows
conspire
together
produce
a
confused
uncertain
feeling
in
me
as
though
I
was
walking
upon
a
pavement
full
of
trap
doors
and
patches
of
uncovered
morass
A
misplaced
well
meant
Hear
Hear
is
apt
to
be
extraordinarily
disconcerting
and
under
no
other
circumstances
have
I
had
to
speak
with
quite
the
same
sideways
twist
that
the
arrangement
of
the
House
imposes
One
does
not
recognise
ones
own
voice
threading
out
into
the
stirring
brown
Unless
I
was
excited
or
speaking
to
the
mind
of
some
particular
person
in
the
house
I
was
apt
to
lose
my
feeling
of
an
auditor
I
had
no
sense
of
whither
my
sentences
were
going
such
as
one
has
with
a
public
meeting
well
under
ones
eye
And
to
lose
ones
sense
of
an
auditor
is
for
a
man
of
my
temperament
to
lose
ones
sense
of
the
immediate
and
to
become
prolix
and
vague
with
qualifications
5
My
discontents
with
the
Liberal
party
and
my
mental
exploration
of
the
quality
of
party
generally
is
curiously
mixed
up
with
certain
impressions
of
things
and
people
in
the
National
Liberal
Club
The
National
Liberal
Club
is
Liberalism
made
visible
in
the
flesh
and
Doultonware
It
is
an
extraordinary
big
club
done
in
a
bold
wholesale
shiny
marbled
style
richly
furnished
with
numerous
paintings
steel
engravings
busts
and
full
length
statues
of
the
late
Mr
Gladstone
and
its
spacious
dining
rooms
its
long
hazy
crowded
smoking
room
with
innumerable
little
tables
and
groups
of
men
in
armchairs
its
magazine
room
and
library
upstairs
have
just
that
undistinguished
and
unconcentrated
diversity
which
is
for
me
the
Liberal
note
The
pensive
member
sits
and
hears
perplexing
dialects
and
even
fragments
of
foreign
speech
and
among
the
clustering
masses
of
less
insistent
whites
his
roving
eye
catches
profiles
and
complexions
that
send
his
mind
afield
to
Calcutta
or
Rangoon
or
the
West
Indies
or
Sierra
Leone
or
the
Cape
I
was
not
infrequently
that
pensive
member
I
used
to
go
to
the
Club
to
doubt
about
Liberalism
About
two
oclock
in
the
day
the
great
smoking
room
is
crowded
with
countless
little
groups
They
sit
about
small
round
tables
or
in
circles
of
chairs
and
the
haze
of
tobacco
seems
to
prolong
the
great
narrow
place
with
its
pillars
and
bays
to
infinity
Some
of
the
groups
are
big
as
many
as
a
dozen
men
talk
in
loud
tones
some
are
duologues
and
there
is
always
a
sprinkling
of
lonely
dissociated
men
At
first
one
gets
an
impression
of
men
going
from
group
to
group
and
as
it
were
linking
them
but
as
one
watches
closely
one
finds
that
these
men
just
visit
three
or
four
groups
at
the
outside
and
know
nothing
of
the
others
One
begins
to
perceive
more
and
more
distinctly
that
one
is
dealing
with
a
sort
of
human
mosaic
that
each
patch
in
that
great
place
is
of
a
different
quality
and
colour
from
the
next
and
never
to
be
mixed
with
it
Most
clubs
have
a
common
link
a
lowest
common
denominator
in
the
Club
Bore
who
spares
no
one
but
even
the
National
Liberal
bores
are
specialised
and
sectional
As
one
looks
round
one
sees
here
a
clump
of
men
from
the
North
Country
or
the
Potteries
here
an
island
of
South
London
politicians
here
a
couple
of
young
Jews
ascendant
from
Whitechapel
here
a
circle
of
journalists
and
writers
here
a
group
of
Irish
politicians
here
two
East
Indians
here
a
priest
or
so
here
a
clump
of
old
fashioned
Protestants
here
a
little
knot
of
eminent
Rationalists
indulging
in
a
blasphemous
story
SOTTO
VOCE
Next
them
are
a
group
of
anglicised
Germans
and
highly
specialised
chess
players
and
then
two
of
the
oddest
looking
persons
bulging
with
documents
and
intent
upon
extraordinary
business
transactions
over
long
cigars
I
would
listen
to
a
stormy
sea
of
babblement
and
try
to
extract
some
constructive
intimations
Every
now
and
then
I
got
a
whiff
of
politics
It
was
clear
they
were
against
the
Lords
against
plutocrats
against
Cossingtons
newspapers
against
the
brewers
It
was
tremendously
clear
what
they
were
against
The
trouble
was
to
find
out
what
on
earth
they
were
for
As
I
sat
and
thought
the
streaked
and
mottled
pillars
and
wall
the
various
views
aspects
and
portraits
of
Mr
and
Mrs
Gladstone
the
partitions
of
polished
mahogany
the
yellow
vested
waiters
would
dissolve
and
vanish
and
I
would
have
a
vision
of
this
sample
of
miscellaneous
men
of
limited
diverse
interests
and
a
universal
littleness
of
imagination
enlarged
unlimited
no
longer
a
sample
but
a
community
spreading
stretching
out
to
infinity
all
in
little
groups
and
duologues
and
circles
all
with
their
special
and
narrow
concerns
all
with
their
backs
to
most
of
the
others
What
but
a
common
antagonism
would
ever
keep
these
multitudes
together
I
understood
why
modern
electioneering
is
more
than
half
of
it
denunciation
Let
us
condemn
if
possible
let
us
obstruct
and
deprive
but
not
let
us
do
There
is
no
real
appeal
to
the
commonplace
mind
in
Let
us
do
That
calls
for
the
creative
imagination
and
few
have
been
accustomed
to
respond
to
that
call
The
other
merely
needs
jealousy
and
bate
of
which
there
are
great
and
easily
accessible
reservoirs
in
every
human
heart
I
remember
that
vision
of
endless
narrow
jealous
individuality
very
vividly
A
seething
limitlessness
it
became
at
last
like
a
waste
place
covered
by
crawling
locusts
that
men
sweep
up
by
the
sackload
and
drown
by
the
million
in
ditches
Grotesquely
against
it
came
the
lean
features
the
sidelong
shy
movements
of
Edward
Crampton
seated
in
a
circle
of
talkers
close
at
hand
I
had
a
whiff
of
his
strained
unmusical
voice
and
behold
he
was
saying
something
about
the
Will
of
the
People
The
immense
and
wonderful
disconnectednesses
of
human
life
I
forgot
the
smoke
and
jabber
of
the
club
altogether
I
became
a
lonely
spirit
flung
aloft
by
some
queer
accident
a
stone
upon
a
ledge
in
some
high
and
rocky
wilderness
and
below
as
far
as
the
eye
could
reach
stretched
the
swarming
infinitesimals
of
humanity
like
grass
upon
the
field
like
pebbles
upon
unbounded
beaches
Was
there
ever
to
be
in
human
life
more
than
that
endless
struggling
individualism
Was
there
indeed
some
giantry
some
immense
valiant
synthesis
still
to
come
or
present
it
might
be
and
still
unseen
by
me
or
was
this
the
beginning
and
withal
the
last
phase
of
mankind
I
glimpsed
for
a
while
the
stupendous
impudence
of
our
ambitions
the
tremendous
enterprise
to
which
the
modern
statesman
is
implicitly
addressed
I
was
as
it
were
one
of
a
little
swarm
of
would
be
reef
builders
looking
back
at
the
teeming
slime
upon
the
ocean
floor
All
the
history
of
mankind
all
the
history
of
life
has
been
and
will
be
the
story
of
something
struggling
out
of
the
indiscriminated
abyss
struggling
to
exist
and
prevail
over
and
comprehend
individual
lives
an
effort
of
insidious
attraction
an
idea
of
invincible
appeal
That
something
greater
than
ourselves
which
does
not
so
much
exist
as
seek
existence
palpitating
between
being
and
not
being
how
marvellous
it
is
It
has
worn
the
form
and
visage
of
ten
thousand
different
gods
sought
a
shape
for
itself
in
stone
and
ivory
and
music
and
wonderful
words
spoken
more
and
more
clearly
of
a
mystery
of
love
a
mystery
of
unity
dabbling
meanwhile
in
blood
and
cruelty
beyond
the
common
impulses
of
men
It
is
something
that
comes
and
goes
like
a
light
that
shines
and
is
withdrawn
withdrawn
so
completely
that
one
doubts
if
it
has
ever
been
6
I
would
mark
with
a
curious
interest
the
stray
country
member
of
the
club
up
in
town
for
a
night
or
so
My
mind
would
be
busy
with
speculations
about
him
about
his
home
his
family
his
reading
his
horizons
his
innumerable
fellows
who
didnt
belong
and
never
came
up
I
would
fill
in
the
outline
of
him
with
memories
of
my
uncle
and
his
Staffordshire
neighbours
He
was
perhaps
Alderman
This
or
Councillor
That
down
there
a
great
man
in
his
ward
J
P
within
seven
miles
of
the
boundary
of
the
borough
and
a
God
in
his
home
Here
he
was
nobody
and
very
shy
and
either
a
little
too
arrogant
or
a
little
too
meek
towards
our
very
democratic
mannered
but
still
livened
waiters
Was
he
perhaps
the
backbone
of
England
He
over
ate
himself
lest
he
should
appear
mean
went
through
our
Special
Dinner
conscientiously
drank
unless
he
was
teetotal
of
unfamiliar
wines
and
did
his
best
in
spite
of
the
rules
to
tip
Afterwards
in
a
state
of
flushed
repletion
he
would
have
old
brandy
black
coffee
and
a
banded
cigar
or
in
the
name
of
temperance
omit
the
brandy
and
have
rather
more
coffee
in
the
smoking
room
I
would
sit
and
watch
that
stiff
dignity
of
self
indulgence
and
wonder
wonder
An
infernal
clairvoyance
would
come
to
me
I
would
have
visions
of
him
in
relation
to
his
wife
checking
always
sometimes
bullying
sometimes
being
ostentatiously
kind
I
would
see
him
glance
furtively
at
his
domestic
servants
upon
his
staircase
or
stiffen
his
upper
lip
against
the
reluctant
protesting
business
employee
We
imaginative
people
are
base
enough
heaven
knows
but
it
is
only
in
rare
moods
of
bitter
penetration
that
we
pierce
down
to
the
baser
lusts
the
viler
shames
the
everlasting
lying
and
muddle
headed
self
justification
of
the
dull
I
would
turn
my
eyes
down
the
crowded
room
and
see
others
of
him
and
others
What
did
he
think
he
was
up
to
Did
he
for
a
moment
realise
that
his
presence
under
that
ceramic
glory
of
a
ceiling
with
me
meant
if
it
had
any
rational
meaning
at
all
that
we
were
jointly
doing
something
with
the
nation
and
the
empire
and
mankind
How
on
earth
could
any
one
get
hold
of
him
make
any
noble
use
of
him
He
didnt
read
beyond
his
newspaper
He
never
thought
but
only
followed
imaginings
in
his
heart
He
never
discussed
At
the
first
hint
of
discussion
his
temper
gave
way
He
was
I
knew
a
deep
thinly
covered
tank
of
resentments
and
quite
irrational
moral
rages
Yet
withal
I
would
have
to
resist
an
impulse
to
go
over
to
him
and
nudge
him
and
say
to
him
Look
here
What
indeed
do
you
think
we
are
doing
with
the
nation
and
the
empire
and
mankind
You
know
MANKIND
I
wonder
what
reply
I
should
have
got
So
far
as
any
average
could
be
struck
and
so
far
as
any
backbone
could
be
located
it
seemed
to
me
that
this
silent
shy
replete
sub
angry
middle
class
sentimentalist
was
in
his
endless
species
and
varieties
and
dialects
the
backbone
of
our
party
So
far
as
I
could
be
considered
as
representing
anything
in
the
House
I
pretended
to
sit
for
the
elements
of
HIM
7
For
a
time
I
turned
towards
the
Socialists
They
at
least
had
an
air
of
coherent
intentions
At
that
time
Socialism
had
come
into
politics
again
after
a
period
of
depression
and
obscurity
with
a
tremendous
ECLAT
There
was
visibly
a
following
of
Socialist
members
to
Chris
Robinson
mysteriously
uncommunicative
gentlemen
in
soft
felt
hats
and
short
coats
and
square
toed
boots
who
replied
to
casual
advances
a
little
surprisingly
in
rich
North
Country
dialects
Members
became
aware
of
a
seagreen
incorruptible
as
Colonel
Marlow
put
it
to
me
speaking
on
the
Address
a
slender
twisted
figure
supporting
itself
on
a
stick
and
speaking
with
a
fire
that
was
altogether
revolutionary
This
was
Philip
Snowden
the
member
for
Blackburn
They
had
come
in
nearly
forty
strong
altogether
and
with
an
air
of
presently
meaning
to
come
in
much
stronger
They
were
only
one
aspect
of
what
seemed
at
that
time
a
big
national
movement
Socialist
societies
we
gathered
were
springing
up
all
over
the
country
and
every
one
was
inquiring
about
Socialism
and
discussing
Socialism
It
had
taken
the
Universities
with
particular
force
and
any
youngster
with
the
slightest
intellectual
pretension
was
either
actively
for
or
brilliantly
against
For
a
time
our
Young
Liberal
group
was
ostentatiously
sympathetic
When
I
think
of
the
Socialists
there
comes
a
vivid
memory
of
certain
evening
gatherings
at
our
house
These
gatherings
had
been
organised
by
Margaret
as
the
outcome
of
a
discussion
at
the
Baileys
Altiora
had
been
very
emphatic
and
uncharitable
upon
the
futility
of
the
Socialist
movement
It
seemed
that
even
the
leaders
fought
shy
of
dinner
parties
They
never
meet
each
other
said
Altiora
much
less
people
on
the
other
side
How
can
they
begin
to
understand
politics
until
they
do
that
Most
of
them
have
totally
unpresentable
wives
said
Altiora
totally
and
quoted
instances
and
they
WILL
bring
them
Or
they
wont
come
Some
of
the
poor
creatures
have
scarcely
learnt
their
table
manners
They
just
make
holes
in
the
talk
I
thought
there
was
a
great
deal
of
truth
beneath
Altioras
outburst
The
presentation
of
the
Socialist
case
seemed
very
greatly
crippled
by
the
want
of
a
common
intimacy
in
its
leaders
the
want
of
intimacy
didnt
at
first
appear
to
be
more
than
an
accident
and
our
talk
led
to
Margarets
attempt
to
get
acquaintance
and
easy
intercourse
afoot
among
them
and
between
them
and
the
Young
Liberals
of
our
group
She
gave
a
series
of
weekly
dinners
planned
I
think
a
little
too
accurately
upon
Altioras
model
and
after
each
we
had
as
catholic
a
reception
as
we
could
contrive
Our
receptions
were
indeed
I
should
think
about
as
catholic
as
receptions
could
be
Margaret
found
herself
with
a
weekly
houseful
of
insoluble
problems
in
intercourse
One
did
ones
best
but
one
got
a
nightmare
feeling
as
the
evening
wore
on
It
was
one
of
the
few
unanimities
of
these
parties
that
every
one
should
be
a
little
odd
in
appearance
funny
about
the
hair
or
the
tie
or
the
shoes
or
more
generally
and
that
bursts
of
violent
aggression
should
alternate
with
an
attitude
entirely
defensive
A
number
of
our
guests
had
an
air
of
waiting
for
a
clue
that
never
came
and
stood
and
sat
about
silently
mildly
amused
but
not
a
bit
surprised
that
we
did
not
discover
their
distinctive
Open
Sesames
There
was
a
sprinkling
of
manifest
seers
and
prophetesses
in
shapeless
garments
far
too
many
I
thought
for
really
easy
social
intercourse
and
any
conversation
at
any
moment
was
liable
to
become
oracular
One
was
in
a
state
of
tension
from
first
to
last
the
most
innocent
remark
seemed
capable
of
exploding
resentment
and
replies
came
out
at
the
most
unexpected
angles
We
Young
Liberals
went
about
puzzled
but
polite
to
the
gathering
we
had
evoked
The
Young
Liberals
tradition
is
on
the
whole
wonderfully
discreet
superfluous
steam
is
let
out
far
away
from
home
in
the
Balkans
or
Africa
and
the
neat
stiff
figures
of
the
Cramptons
Bunting
Harblow
and
Lewis
either
in
extremely
well
cut
morning
coats
indicative
of
the
House
or
in
what
is
sometimes
written
of
as
faultless
evening
dress
stood
about
on
those
evenings
they
and
their
very
quietly
and
simply
and
expensively
dressed
little
wives
like
a
datum
line
amidst
lakes
and
mountains
I
didnt
at
first
see
the
connection
between
systematic
social
reorganisation
and
arbitrary
novelties
in
dietary
and
costume
just
as
I
didnt
realise
why
the
most
comprehensive
constructive
projects
should
appear
to
be
supported
solely
by
odd
and
exceptional
personalities
On
one
of
these
evenings
a
little
group
of
rather
jolly
looking
pretty
young
people
seated
themselves
for
no
particular
reason
in
a
large
circle
on
the
floor
of
my
study
and
engaged
so
far
as
I
could
judge
in
the
game
of
Hunt
the
Meaning
the
intellectual
equivalent
of
Hunt
the
Slipper
It
must
have
been
that
same
evening
I
came
upon
an
unbleached
young
gentleman
before
the
oval
mirror
on
the
landing
engaged
in
removing
the
remains
of
an
anchovy
sandwich
from
his
protruded
tongue
visible
ends
of
cress
having
misled
him
into
the
belief
that
he
was
dealing
with
doctrinally
permissible
food
It
was
not
unusual
to
be
given
hand
bills
and
printed
matter
by
our
guests
but
there
I
had
the
advantage
over
Lewis
who
was
too
tactful
to
refuse
the
stuff
too
neatly
dressed
to
pocket
it
and
had
no
writing
desk
available
upon
which
he
could
relieve
himself
in
a
manner
flattering
to
the
giver
So
that
his
hands
got
fuller
and
fuller
A
relentless
compact
little
woman
in
what
Margaret
declared
to
be
an
extremely
expensive
black
dress
has
also
printed
herself
on
my
memory
she
had
set
her
heart
upon
my
contributing
to
a
weekly
periodical
in
the
lentil
interest
with
which
she
was
associated
and
I
spent
much
time
and
care
in
evading
her
Mingling
with
the
more
hygienic
types
were
a
number
of
Anti
Puritan
Socialists
bulging
with
bias
against
temperance
and
breaking
out
against
austere
methods
of
living
all
over
their
faces
Their
manner
was
packed
with
heartiness
They
were
apt
to
choke
the
approaches
to
the
little
buffet
Margaret
had
set
up
downstairs
and
there
engage
in
discussions
of
Determinism
it
always
seemed
to
be
Determinism
which
became
heartier
and
noisier
but
never
acrimonious
even
in
the
small
hours
It
seemed
impossible
to
settle
about
this
Determinism
of
theirs
ever
And
there
were
worldly
Socialists
also
I
particularly
recall
a
large
active
buoyant
lady
killing
individual
with
an
eyeglass
borne
upon
a
broad
black
ribbon
who
swam
about
us
one
evening
He
might
have
been
a
slightly
frayed
actor
in
his
large
frock
coat
his
white
waistcoat
and
the
sort
of
black
and
white
check
trousers
that
twinkle
He
had
a
high
pitched
voice
with
aristocratic
intonations
and
he
seemed
to
be
in
a
perpetual
state
of
interrogation
What
are
we
all
he
a
for
he
would
ask
only
too
audibly
What
are
we
doing
he
a
Whats
the
connection
What
WAS
the
connection
We
made
a
special
effort
with
our
last
assembly
in
June
1907
We
tried
to
get
something
like
a
representative
collection
of
the
parliamentary
leaders
of
Socialism
the
various
exponents
of
Socialist
thought
and
a
number
of
Young
Liberal
thinkers
into
one
room
Dorvil
came
and
Horatio
Bulch
Featherstonehaugh
appeared
for
ten
minutes
and
talked
charmingly
to
Margaret
and
then
vanished
again
there
was
Wilkins
the
novelist
and
Toomer
and
Dr
Tumpany
Chris
Robinson
stood
about
for
a
time
in
a
new
comforter
and
Magdeberg
and
Will
Pipes
and
five
or
six
Labour
members
And
on
our
side
we
had
our
particular
little
group
Bunting
Harblow
Crampton
Lewis
all
looking
as
broad
minded
and
open
to
conviction
as
they
possibly
could
and
even
occasionally
talking
out
from
their
bushes
almost
boldly
But
the
gathering
as
a
whole
refused
either
to
mingle
or
dispute
and
as
an
experiment
in
intercourse
the
evening
was
a
failure
Unexpected
dissociations
appeared
between
Socialists
one
had
supposed
friendly
I
could
not
have
imagined
it
was
possible
for
half
so
many
people
to
turn
their
backs
on
everybody
else
in
such
small
rooms
as
ours
But
the
unsaid
things
those
backs
expressed
broke
out
I
remarked
with
refreshed
virulence
in
the
various
organs
of
the
various
sections
of
the
party
next
week
I
talked
I
rememher
with
Dr
Tumpany
a
large
young
man
in
a
still
larger
professional
frock
coat
and
with
a
great
shock
of
very
fair
hair
who
was
candidate
for
some
North
Country
constituency
We
discussed
the
political
outlook
and
like
so
many
Socialists
at
that
time
he
was
full
of
vague
threatenings
against
the
Liberal
party
I
was
struck
by
a
thing
in
him
that
I
had
already
observed
less
vividly
in
many
others
of
these
Socialist
leaders
and
which
gave
me
at
last
a
clue
to
the
whole
business
He
behaved
exactly
like
a
man
in
possession
of
valuable
patent
rights
who
wants
to
be
dealt
with
He
had
an
air
of
having
a
corner
in
ideas
Then
it
flashed
into
my
head
that
the
whole
Socialist
movement
was
an
attempted
corner
in
ideas
8
Late
that
night
I
found
myself
alone
with
Margaret
amid
the
debris
of
the
gathering
I
sat
before
the
fire
hands
in
pockets
and
Margaret
looking
white
and
weary
came
and
leant
upon
the
mantel
Oh
Lord
said
Margaret
I
agreed
Then
I
resumed
my
meditation
Ideas
I
said
count
for
more
than
I
thought
in
the
world
Margaret
regarded
me
with
that
neutral
expression
behind
which
she
was
accustomed
to
wait
for
clues
When
you
think
of
the
height
and
depth
and
importance
and
wisdom
of
the
Socialist
ideas
and
see
the
men
who
are
running
them
I
explained
A
big
system
of
ideas
like
Socialism
grows
up
out
of
the
obvious
common
sense
of
our
present
conditions
Its
as
impersonal
as
science
All
these
men
Theyve
given
nothing
to
it
Theyre
just
people
who
have
pegged
out
claims
upon
a
big
intellectual
No
Mans
Land
and
dont
feel
quite
sure
of
the
law
Theres
a
sort
of
quarrelsome
uneasiness
If
we
professed
Socialism
do
you
think
theyd
welcome
us
Not
a
man
of
them
Theyd
feel
it
was
burglary
Yes
said
Margaret
looking
into
the
fire
That
is
just
what
I
felt
about
them
all
the
evening
Particularly
Dr
Tumpany
We
mustnt
confuse
Socialism
with
the
Socialists
I
said
thats
the
moral
of
it
I
suppose
if
God
were
to
find
He
had
made
a
mistake
in
dates
or
something
and
went
back
and
annihilated
everybody
from
Owen
onwards
who
was
in
any
way
known
as
a
Socialist
leader
or
teacher
Socialism
would
be
exactly
where
it
is
and
what
it
is
to
day
a
growing
realisation
of
constructive
needs
in
every
mans
mind
and
a
little
corner
in
party
politics
So
I
suppose
it
will
always
be
But
they
WERE
a
damned
lot
Margaret
I
looked
up
at
the
little
noise
she
made
TWICE
she
said
smiling
indulgently
to
day
Even
the
smile
was
Altioras
I
returned
to
my
thoughts
They
WERE
a
damned
human
lot
It
was
an
excellent
word
in
that
connection
But
the
ideas
marched
on
the
ideas
marched
on
just
as
though
mens
brains
were
no
more
than
stepping
stones
just
as
though
some
great
brain
in
which
we
are
all
little
cells
and
corpuscles
was
thinking
them
I
dont
think
there
is
a
man
among
them
who
makes
me
feel
he
is
trustworthy
said
Margaret
unless
it
is
Featherstonehaugh
I
sat
taking
in
this
proposition
Theyll
never
help
us
I
feel
said
Margaret
Us
The
Liberals
Oh
damn
the
Liberals
I
said
Theyll
never
even
help
themselves
I
dont
think
I
could
possibly
get
on
with
any
of
those
people
said
Margaret
after
a
pause
She
remained
for
a
time
looking
down
at
me
and
I
could
feel
perplexed
by
me
but
I
wanted
to
go
on
with
my
thinking
and
so
I
did
not
look
up
and
presently
she
stooped
to
my
forehead
and
kissed
me
and
went
rustling
softly
to
her
room
I
remained
in
my
study
for
a
long
time
with
my
thoughts
crystallising
out
It
was
then
I
think
that
I
first
apprehended
clearly
how
that
opposition
to
which
I
have
already
alluded
of
the
immediate
life
and
the
mental
hinterland
of
a
man
can
be
applied
to
public
and
social
affairs
The
ideas
go
on
and
no
person
or
party
succeeds
in
embodying
them
The
reality
of
human
progress
never
comes
to
the
surface
it
is
a
power
in
the
deeps
an
undertow
It
goes
on
in
silence
while
men
think
in
studies
where
they
write
self
forgetfully
in
laboratories
under
the
urgency
of
an
impersonal
curiosity
in
the
rare
illumination
of
honest
talk
in
moments
of
emotional
insight
in
thoughtful
reading
but
not
in
everyday
affairs
Everyday
affairs
and
whatever
is
made
an
everyday
affair
are
transactions
of
the
ostensible
self
the
being
of
habits
interests
usage
Temper
vanity
hasty
reaction
to
imitation
personal
feeling
are
their
substance
No
man
can
abolish
his
immediate
self
and
specialise
in
the
depths
if
he
attempt
that
he
simply
turns
himself
into
something
a
little
less
than
the
common
man
He
may
have
an
immense
hinterland
but
that
does
not
absolve
him
from
a
frontage
That
is
the
essential
error
of
the
specialist
philosopher
the
specialist
teacher
the
specialist
publicist
They
repudiate
frontage
claim
to
be
pure
hinterland
That
is
what
bothered
me
about
Codger
about
those
various
schoolmasters
who
had
prepared
me
for
life
about
the
Baileys
and
their
dream
of
an
official
ruling
class
A
human
being
who
is
a
philosopher
in
the
first
place
a
teacher
in
the
first
place
or
a
statesman
in
the
first
place
is
thereby
and
inevitably
though
he
bring
God
like
gifts
to
the
pretence
a
quack
These
are
attempts
to
live
deep
side
shallow
inside
out
They
produce
merely
a
new
pettiness
To
understand
Socialism
again
is
to
gain
a
new
breadth
of
outlook
to
join
a
Socialist
organisation
is
to
join
a
narrow
cult
which
is
not
even
tolerably
serviceable
in
presenting
or
spreading
the
ideas
for
which
it
stands
I
perceived
I
had
got
something
quite
fundamental
here
It
had
taken
me
some
years
to
realise
the
true
relation
of
the
great
constructive
ideas
that
swayed
me
not
only
to
political
parties
but
to
myself
I
had
been
disposed
to
identify
the
formulae
of
some
one
party
with
social
construction
and
to
regard
the
other
as
necessarily
anti
constructive
just
as
I
had
been
inclined
to
follow
the
Baileys
in
the
self
righteousness
of
supposing
myself
to
be
wholly
constructive
But
I
saw
now
that
every
man
of
intellectual
freedom
and
vigour
is
necessarily
constructive
minded
nowadays
and
that
no
man
is
disinterestedly
so
Each
one
of
us
repeats
in
himself
the
conflict
of
the
race
between
the
splendour
of
its
possibilities
and
its
immediate
associations
We
may
be
shaping
immortal
things
but
we
must
sleep
and
answer
the
dinner
gong
and
have
our
salt
of
flattery
and
self
approval
In
politics
a
man
counts
not
for
what
he
is
in
moments
of
imaginative
expansion
but
for
his
common
workaday
selfish
self
and
political
parties
are
held
together
not
by
a
community
of
ultimate
aims
but
by
the
stabler
bond
of
an
accustomed
life
Everybody
almost
is
for
progress
in
general
and
nearly
everybody
is
opposed
to
any
change
except
in
so
far
as
gross
increments
are
change
in
his
particular
method
of
living
and
behaviour
Every
party
stands
essentially
for
the
interests
and
mental
usages
of
some
definite
class
or
group
of
classes
in
the
exciting
community
and
every
party
has
its
scientific
minded
and
constructive
leading
section
with
well
defined
hinterlands
formulating
its
social
functions
in
a
public
spirited
form
and
its
superficial
minded
following
confessing
its
meannesses
and
vanities
and
prejudices
No
class
will
abolish
itself
materially
alter
its
way
of
life
or
drastically
reconstruct
itself
albeit
no
class
is
indisposed
to
co
operate
in
the
unlimited
socialisation
of
any
other
class
In
that
capacity
for
aggression
upon
other
classes
lies
the
essential
driving
force
of
modern
affairs
The
instincts
the
persons
the
parties
and
vanities
sway
and
struggle
The
ideas
and
understandings
march
on
and
achieve
themselves
for
all
in
spite
of
every
one
The
methods
and
traditions
of
British
politics
maintain
the
form
of
two
great
parties
with
rider
groups
seeking
to
gain
specific
ends
in
the
event
of
a
small
Government
majority
These
two
main
parties
are
more
or
less
heterogeneous
in
composition
Each
however
has
certain
necessary
characteristics
The
Conservative
Party
has
always
stood
quite
definitely
for
the
established
propertied
interests
The
land
owner
the
big
lawyer
the
Established
Church
and
latterly
the
huge
private
monopoly
of
the
liquor
trade
which
has
been
created
by
temperance
legislation
are
the
essential
Conservatives
Interwoven
now
with
the
native
wealthy
are
the
families
of
the
great
international
usurers
and
a
vast
miscellaneous
mass
of
financial
enterprise
Outside
the
range
of
resistance
implied
by
these
interests
the
Conservative
Party
has
always
shown
itself
just
as
constructive
and
collectivist
as
any
other
party
The
great
landowners
have
been
as
well
disposed
towards
the
endowment
of
higher
education
and
as
willing
to
co
operate
with
the
Church
in
protective
and
mildly
educational
legislation
for
children
and
the
working
class
as
any
political
section
The
financiers
too
are
adventurous
spirited
and
eager
for
mechanical
progress
and
technical
efficiency
They
are
prepared
to
spend
public
money
upon
research
upon
ports
and
harbours
and
public
communications
upon
sanitation
and
hygienic
organisation
A
certain
rude
benevolence
of
public
intention
is
equally
characteristic
of
the
liquor
trade
Provided
his
comfort
leads
to
no
excesses
of
temperance
the
liquor
trade
is
quite
eager
to
see
the
common
man
prosperous
happy
and
with
money
to
spend
in
a
bar
All
sections
of
the
party
are
aggressively
patriotic
and
favourably
inclined
to
the
idea
of
an
upstanding
well
fed
and
well
exercised
population
in
uniform
Of
course
there
are
reactionary
landowners
and
old
fashioned
country
clergy
full
of
localised
self
importance
jealous
even
of
the
cottager
who
can
read
but
they
have
neither
the
power
nor
the
ability
to
retard
the
constructive
forces
in
the
party
as
a
whole
On
the
other
hand
when
matters
point
to
any
definitely
confiscatory
proposal
to
the
public
ownership
and
collective
control
of
land
for
example
or
state
mining
and
manufactures
or
the
nationalisation
of
the
so
called
public
house
or
extended
municipal
enterprise
or
even
to
an
increase
of
the
taxation
of
property
then
the
Conservative
Party
presents
a
nearly
adamantine
bar
It
does
not
stand
for
it
IS
the
existing
arrangement
in
these
affairs
Even
more
definitely
a
class
party
is
the
Labour
Party
whose
immediate
interest
is
to
raise
wages
shorten
hours
of
labor
increase
employment
and
make
better
terms
for
the
working
man
tenant
and
working
man
purchaser
Its
leaders
are
no
doubt
constructive
minded
but
the
mass
of
the
following
is
naturally
suspicious
of
education
and
discipline
hostile
to
the
higher
education
and
except
for
an
obvious
antagonism
to
employers
and
property
owners
almost
destitute
of
ideas
What
else
can
it
be
It
stands
for
the
expropriated
multitude
whose
whole
situation
and
difficulty
arise
from
its
individual
lack
of
initiative
and
organising
power
It
favours
the
nationalisation
of
land
and
capital
with
no
sense
of
the
difficulties
involved
in
the
process
but
on
the
other
hand
the
equally
reasonable
socialisation
of
individuals
which
is
implied
by
military
service
is
steadily
and
quite
naturally
and
quite
illogically
opposed
by
it
It
is
only
in
recent
years
that
Labour
has
emerged
as
a
separate
party
from
the
huge
hospitable
caravanserai
of
Liberalism
and
there
is
still
a
very
marked
tendency
to
step
back
again
into
that
multitudinous
assemblage
For
multitudinousness
has
always
been
the
Liberal
characteristic
Liberalism
never
has
been
nor
ever
can
be
anything
but
a
diversified
crowd
Liberalism
has
to
voice
everything
that
is
left
out
by
these
other
parties
It
is
the
party
against
the
predominating
interests
It
is
at
once
the
party
of
the
failing
and
of
the
untried
it
is
the
party
of
decadence
and
hope
From
its
nature
it
must
be
a
vague
and
planless
association
in
comparison
with
its
antagonist
neither
so
constructive
on
the
one
hand
nor
on
the
other
so
competent
to
hinder
the
inevitable
constructions
of
the
civilised
state
Essentially
it
is
the
party
of
criticism
the
Anti
party
It
is
a
system
of
hostilities
and
objections
that
somehow
achieves
at
times
an
elusive
common
soul
It
is
a
gathering
together
of
all
the
smaller
interests
which
find
themselves
at
a
disadvantage
against
the
big
established
classes
the
leasehold
tenant
as
against
the
landowner
the
retail
tradesman
as
against
the
merchant
and
the
moneylender
the
Nonconformist
as
against
the
Churchman
the
small
employer
as
against
the
demoralising
hospitable
publican
the
man
without
introductions
and
broad
connections
against
the
man
who
has
these
things
It
is
the
party
of
the
many
small
men
against
the
fewer
prevailing
men
It
has
no
more
essential
reason
for
loving
the
Collectivist
state
than
the
Conservatives
the
small
dealer
is
doomed
to
absorption
in
that
just
as
much
as
the
large
owner
but
it
resorts
to
the
state
against
its
antagonists
as
in
the
middle
ages
common
men
pitted
themselves
against
the
barons
by
siding
with
the
king
The
Liberal
Party
is
the
party
against
class
privilege
because
it
represents
no
class
advantages
but
it
is
also
the
party
that
is
on
the
whole
most
set
against
Collective
control
because
it
represents
no
established
responsilibity
It
is
constructive
only
so
far
as
its
antagonism
to
the
great
owner
is
more
powerful
than
its
jealousy
of
the
state
It
organises
only
because
organisation
is
forced
upon
it
by
the
organisation
of
its
adversaries
It
lapses
in
and
out
of
alliance
with
Labour
as
it
sways
between
hostility
to
wealth
and
hostility
to
public
expenditure
Every
modern
European
state
will
have
in
some
form
or
other
these
three
parties
the
resistent
militant
authoritative
dull
and
unsympathetic
party
of
establishment
and
success
the
rich
party
the
confused
sentimental
spasmodic
numerous
party
of
the
small
struggling
various
undisciplined
men
the
poor
mans
party
and
a
third
party
sometimes
detaching
itself
from
the
second
and
sometimes
reuniting
with
it
the
party
of
the
altogether
expropriated
masses
the
proletarians
Labour
Change
Conservative
and
Liberal
to
Republican
and
Democrat
for
example
and
you
have
the
conditions
in
the
United
States
The
Crown
or
a
dethroned
dynasty
the
Established
Church
or
a
dispossessed
church
nationalist
secessions
the
personalities
of
party
leaders
may
break
up
complicate
and
confuse
the
self
expression
of
these
three
necessary
divisions
in
the
modern
social
drama
the
analyst
will
make
them
out
none
the
less
for
that
And
then
I
came
back
as
if
I
came
back
to
a
refrain
the
ideas
go
on
as
though
we
are
all
no
more
than
little
cells
and
corpuscles
in
some
great
brain
beyond
our
understanding
So
it
was
I
sat
and
thought
my
problem
out
I
still
remember
my
satisfaction
at
seeing
things
plainly
at
last
It
was
like
clouds
dispersing
to
show
the
sky
Constructive
ideas
of
course
couldnt
hold
a
party
together
alone
interests
and
habits
not
ideas
I
had
that
now
and
so
the
great
constructive
scheme
of
Socialism
invading
and
inspiring
all
parties
was
necessarily
claimed
only
by
this
collection
of
odds
and
ends
this
residuum
of
disconnected
and
exceptional
people
This
was
true
not
only
of
the
Socialist
idea
but
of
the
scientific
idea
the
idea
of
veracity
of
human
confidence
in
humanity
of
all
that
mattered
in
human
life
outside
the
life
of
individuals
The
only
real
party
that
would
ever
profess
Socialism
was
the
Labour
Party
and
that
in
the
entirely
one
sided
form
of
an
irresponsible
and
non
constructive
attack
on
property
Socialism
in
that
mutilated
form
the
teeth
and
claws
without
the
eyes
and
brain
I
wanted
as
little
as
I
wanted
anything
in
the
world
Perfectly
clear
it
was
perfectly
clear
and
why
hadnt
I
seen
it
before
I
looked
at
my
watch
and
it
was
half
past
two
I
yawned
stretched
got
up
and
went
to
bed
9
My
ideas
about
statecraft
have
passed
through
three
main
phases
to
the
final
convictions
that
remain
There
was
the
first
immediacy
of
my
dream
of
ports
and
harbours
and
cities
railways
roads
and
administered
territories
the
vision
I
had
seen
in
the
haze
from
that
little
church
above
Locarno
Slowly
that
had
passed
into
a
more
elaborate
legislative
constructiveness
which
had
led
to
my
uneasy
association
with
the
Baileys
and
the
professedly
constructive
Young
Liberals
To
get
that
ordered
life
I
had
realised
the
need
of
organisation
knowledge
expertness
a
wide
movement
of
co
ordinated
methods
On
the
individual
side
I
thought
that
a
life
of
urgent
industry
temperance
and
close
attention
was
indicated
by
my
perception
of
these
ends
I
married
Margaret
and
set
to
work
But
something
in
my
mind
refused
from
the
outset
to
accept
these
determinations
as
final
There
was
always
a
doubt
lurking
below
always
a
faint
resentment
a
protesting
criticism
a
feeling
of
vitally
important
omissions
I
arrived
at
last
at
the
clear
realisation
that
my
political
associates
and
I
in
my
association
with
them
were
oddly
narrow
priggish
and
unreal
that
the
Socialists
with
whom
we
were
attempting
co
operation
were
preposterously
irrelevant
to
their
own
theories
that
my
political
life
didnt
in
some
way
comprehend
more
than
itself
that
rather
perplexingly
I
was
missing
the
thing
I
was
seeking
Brittens
footnotes
to
Altioras
self
assertions
her
fits
of
energetic
planning
her
quarrels
and
rallies
and
vanities
his
illuminating
attacks
on
Cramptonism
and
the
heavy
spirited
triviality
of
such
Liberalism
as
the
Childrens
Charter
served
to
point
my
way
to
my
present
conclusions
I
had
been
trying
to
deal
all
along
with
human
progress
as
something
immediate
in
life
something
to
be
immediately
attacked
by
political
parties
and
groups
pointing
primarily
to
that
end
I
now
began
to
see
that
just
as
in
my
own
being
there
was
the
rather
shallow
rather
vulgar
self
seeking
careerist
who
wore
an
admirable
silk
hat
and
bustled
self
consciously
through
the
lobby
and
a
much
greater
and
indefinitely
growing
unpublished
personality
behind
him
my
hinterland
I
have
called
it
so
in
human
affairs
generally
the
permanent
reality
is
also
a
hinterland
which
is
never
really
immediate
which
draws
continually
upon
human
experience
and
influences
human
action
more
and
more
but
which
is
itself
never
the
actual
player
upon
the
stage
It
is
the
unseen
dramatist
who
never
takes
a
call
Now
it
was
just
through
the
fact
that
our
group
about
the
Baileys
didnt
understand
this
that
with
a
sort
of
frantic
energy
they
were
trying
to
develop
that
sham
expert
officialdom
of
theirs
to
plan
regulate
and
direct
the
affairs
of
humanity
that
the
perplexing
note
of
silliness
and
shallowness
that
I
had
always
felt
and
felt
now
most
acutely
under
Brittens
gibes
came
in
They
were
neglecting
human
life
altogether
in
social
organisation
In
the
development
of
intellectual
modesty
lies
the
growth
of
statesmanship
It
has
been
the
chronic
mistake
of
statecraft
and
all
organising
spirits
to
attempt
immediately
to
scheme
and
arrange
and
achieve
Priests
schools
of
thought
political
schemers
leaders
of
men
have
always
slipped
into
the
error
of
assuming
that
they
can
think
out
the
whole
or
at
any
rate
completely
think
out
definite
parts
of
the
purpose
and
future
of
man
clearly
and
finally
they
have
set
themselves
to
legislate
and
construct
on
that
assumption
and
experiencing
the
perplexing
obduracy
and
evasions
of
reality
they
have
taken
to
dogma
persecution
training
pruning
secretive
education
and
all
the
stupidities
of
self
sufficient
energy
In
the
passion
of
their
good
intentions
they
have
not
hesitated
to
conceal
fact
suppress
thought
crush
disturbing
initiatives
and
apparently
detrimental
desires
And
so
it
is
blunderingly
and
wastefully
destroying
with
the
making
that
any
extension
of
social
organisation
is
at
present
achieved
Directly
however
this
idea
of
an
emancipation
from
immediacy
is
grasped
directly
the
dominating
importance
of
this
critical
less
personal
mental
hinterland
in
the
individual
and
of
the
collective
mind
in
the
race
is
understood
the
whole
problem
of
the
statesman
and
his
attitude
towards
politics
gain
a
new
significance
and
becomes
accessible
to
a
new
series
of
solutions
He
wants
no
longer
to
fix
up
as
people
say
human
affairs
but
to
devote
his
forces
to
the
development
of
that
needed
intellectual
life
without
which
all
his
shallow
attempts
at
fixing
up
are
futile
He
ceases
to
build
on
the
sands
and
sets
himself
to
gather
foundations
You
see
I
began
in
my
teens
by
wanting
to
plan
and
build
cities
and
harbours
for
mankind
I
ended
in
the
middle
thirties
by
desiring
only
to
serve
and
increase
a
general
process
of
thought
a
process
fearless
critical
real
spirited
that
would
in
its
own
time
give
cities
harbours
air
happiness
everything
at
a
scale
and
quality
and
in
a
light
altogether
beyond
the
match
striking
imaginations
of
a
contemporary
mind
I
wanted
freedom
of
speech
and
suggestion
vigour
of
thought
and
the
cultivation
of
that
impulse
of
veracity
that
lurks
more
or
less
discouraged
in
every
man
With
that
I
felt
there
must
go
an
emotion
I
hit
upon
a
phrase
that
became
at
last
something
of
a
refrain
in
my
speech
and
writings
to
convey
the
spirit
that
I
felt
was
at
the
very
heart
of
real
human
progress
love
and
fine
thinking
I
suppose
that
nowadays
no
newspaper
in
England
gets
through
a
week
without
the
repetition
of
that
phrase
My
convictions
crystallised
more
and
more
definitely
upon
this
The
more
of
love
and
fine
thinking
the
better
for
men
I
said
the
less
the
worse
And
upon
this
fresh
basis
I
set
myself
to
examine
what
I
as
a
politician
might
do
I
perceived
I
was
at
last
finding
an
adequate
expression
for
all
that
was
in
me
for
those
forces
that
had
rebelled
at
the
crude
presentations
of
Bromstead
at
the
secrecies
and
suppressions
of
my
youth
at
the
dull
unrealities
of
City
Merchants
at
the
conventions
and
timidities
of
the
Pinky
Dinkys
at
the
philosophical
recluse
of
Trinity
and
the
phrases
and
tradition
worship
of
my
political
associates
None
of
these
things
were
half
alive
and
I
wanted
life
to
be
intensely
alive
and
awake
I
wanted
thought
like
an
edge
of
steel
and
desire
like
a
flame
The
real
work
before
mankind
now
I
realised
once
and
for
all
is
the
enlargement
of
human
expression
the
release
and
intensification
of
human
thought
the
vivider
utilisation
of
experience
and
the
invigoration
of
research
and
whatever
one
does
in
human
affairs
has
or
lacks
value
as
it
helps
or
hinders
that
With
that
I
had
got
my
problem
clear
and
the
solution
so
far
as
I
was
concerned
lay
in
finding
out
the
point
in
the
ostensible
life
of
politics
at
which
I
could
most
subserve
these
ends
I
was
still
against
the
muddles
of
Bromstead
but
I
had
hunted
them
down
now
to
their
essential
form
The
jerry
built
slums
the
roads
that
went
nowhere
the
tarred
fences
litigious
notice
boards
and
barbed
wire
fencing
the
litter
and
the
heaps
of
dump
were
only
the
outward
appearances
whose
ultimate
realities
were
jerry
built
conclusions
hasty
purposes
aimless
habits
of
thought
and
imbecile
bars
and
prohibitions
in
the
thoughts
and
souls
of
men
How
are
we
through
politics
to
get
at
that
confusion
We
want
to
invigorate
and
reinvigorate
education
We
want
to
create
a
sustained
counter
effort
to
the
perpetual
tendency
of
all
educational
organisations
towards
classicalism
secondary
issues
and
the
evasion
of
life
We
want
to
stimulate
the
expression
of
life
through
art
and
literature
and
its
exploration
through
research
We
want
to
make
the
best
and
finest
thought
accessible
to
every
one
and
more
particularly
to
create
and
sustain
an
enormous
free
criticism
without
which
art
literature
and
research
alike
degenerate
into
tradition
or
imposture
Then
all
the
other
problems
which
are
now
so
insoluble
destitution
disease
the
difficulty
of
maintaining
international
peace
the
scarcely
faced
possibility
of
making
life
generally
and
continually
beautiful
become
EASY
It
was
clear
to
me
that
the
most
vital
activities
in
which
I
could
engage
would
be
those
which
most
directly
affected
the
Church
public
habits
of
thought
education
organised
research
literature
and
the
channels
of
general
discussion
I
had
to
ask
myself
how
my
position
as
Liberal
member
for
Kinghamstead
squared
with
and
conduced
to
this
essential
work
CHAPTER
THE
SECOND
SEEKING
ASSOCIATES
1
I
have
told
of
my
gradual
abandonment
of
the
pretensions
and
habits
of
party
Liberalism
In
a
sense
I
was
moving
towards
aristocracy
Regarding
the
development
of
the
social
and
individual
mental
hinterland
as
the
essential
thing
in
human
progress
I
passed
on
very
naturally
to
the
practical
assumption
that
we
wanted
what
I
may
call
hinterlanders
Of
course
I
do
not
mean
by
aristocracy
the
changing
unorganised
medley
of
rich
people
and
privileged
people
who
dominate
the
civilised
world
of
to
day
but
as
opposed
to
this
a
possibility
of
co
ordinating
the
will
of
the
finer
individuals
by
habit
and
literature
into
a
broad
common
aim
We
must
have
an
aristocracy
not
of
privilege
but
of
understanding
and
purpose
or
mankind
will
fail
I
find
this
dawning
more
and
more
clearly
when
I
look
through
my
various
writings
of
the
years
between
1903
and
1910
I
was
already
emerging
to
plain
statements
in
1908
I
reasoned
after
this
fashion
The
line
of
human
improvement
and
the
expansion
of
human
life
lies
in
the
direction
of
education
and
finer
initiatives
If
humanity
cannot
develop
an
education
far
beyond
anything
that
is
now
provided
if
it
cannot
collectively
invent
devices
and
solve
problems
on
a
much
richer
broader
scale
than
it
does
at
the
present
time
it
cannot
hope
to
achieve
any
very
much
finer
order
or
any
more
general
happiness
than
it
now
enjoys
We
must
believe
therefore
that
it
CAN
develop
such
a
training
and
education
or
we
must
abandon
secular
constructive
hope
And
here
my
peculiar
difficulty
as
against
crude
democracy
comes
in
If
humanity
at
large
is
capable
of
that
high
education
and
those
creative
freedoms
our
hope
demands
much
more
must
its
better
and
more
vigorous
types
be
so
capable
And
if
those
who
have
power
and
leisure
now
and
freedom
to
respond
to
imaginative
appeals
cannot
be
won
to
the
idea
of
collective
self
development
then
the
whole
of
humanity
cannot
be
won
to
that
From
that
one
passes
to
what
has
become
my
general
conception
in
politics
the
conception
of
the
constructive
imagination
working
upon
the
vast
complex
of
powerful
people
clever
people
enterprising
people
influential
people
amidst
whom
power
is
diffused
to
day
to
produce
that
self
conscious
highly
selective
open
minded
devoted
aristocratic
culture
which
seems
to
me
to
be
the
necessary
next
phase
in
the
development
of
human
affairs
I
see
human
progress
not
as
the
spontaneous
product
of
crowds
of
raw
minds
swayed
by
elementary
needs
but
as
a
natural
but
elaborate
result
of
intricate
human
interdependencies
of
human
energy
and
curiosity
liberated
and
acting
at
leisure
of
human
passions
and
motives
modified
and
redirected
by
literature
and
art
But
now
the
reader
will
understand
how
it
came
about
that
disappointed
by
the
essential
littleness
of
Liberalism
and
disillusioned
about
the
representative
quality
of
the
professed
Socialists
I
turned
my
mind
more
and
more
to
a
scrutiny
of
the
big
people
the
wealthy
and
influential
people
against
whom
Liberalism
pits
its
forces
I
was
asking
myself
definitely
whether
after
all
it
was
not
my
particular
job
to
work
through
them
and
not
against
them
Was
I
not
altogether
out
of
my
element
as
an
Anti
Werent
there
big
bold
qualities
about
these
people
that
common
men
lack
and
the
possibility
of
far
more
splendid
dreams
Were
they
really
the
obstacles
might
they
not
be
rather
the
vehicles
of
the
possible
new
braveries
of
life
2
The
faults
of
the
Imperialist
movement
were
obvious
enough
The
conception
of
the
Boer
War
had
been
clumsy
and
puerile
the
costly
errors
of
that
struggle
appalling
and
the
subsequent
campaign
of
Mr
Chamberlain
for
Tariff
Reform
seemed
calculated
to
combine
the
financial
adventurers
of
the
Empire
in
one
vast
conspiracy
against
the
consumer
The
cant
of
Imperialism
was
easy
to
learn
and
use
it
was
speedily
adopted
by
all
sorts
of
base
enterprises
and
turned
to
all
sorts
of
base
ends
But
a
big
child
is
permitted
big
mischief
and
my
mind
was
now
continually
returning
to
the
persuasion
that
after
all
in
some
development
of
the
idea
of
Imperial
patriotism
might
be
found
that
wide
rough
politically
acceptable
expression
of
a
constructive
dream
capable
of
sustaining
a
great
educational
and
philosophical
movement
such
as
no
formula
of
Liberalism
supplied
The
fact
that
it
readily
took
vulgar
forms
only
witnessed
to
its
strong
popular
appeal
Mixed
in
with
the
noisiness
and
humbug
of
the
movement
there
appeared
a
real
regard
for
social
efficiency
a
real
spirit
of
animation
and
enterprise
There
suddenly
appeared
in
my
world
I
saw
them
first
I
think
in
1908
a
new
sort
of
little
boy
a
most
agreeable
development
of
the
slouching
cunning
cigarette
smoking
town
bred
youngster
a
small
boy
in
a
khaki
hat
and
with
bare
knees
and
athletic
bearing
earnestly
engaged
in
wholesome
and
invigorating
games
up
to
and
occasionally
a
little
beyond
his
strength
the
Boy
Scout
I
liked
the
Boy
Scout
and
I
find
it
difficult
to
express
how
much
it
mattered
to
me
with
my
growing
bias
in
favour
of
deliberate
national
training
that
Liberalism
hadnt
been
able
to
produce
and
had
indeed
never
attempted
to
produce
anything
of
this
kind
3
In
those
days
there
existed
a
dining
club
called
there
was
some
lost
allusion
to
the
exorcism
of
party
feeling
in
its
title
the
Pentagram
Circle
It
included
Bailey
and
Dayton
and
myself
Sir
Herbert
Thorns
Lord
Charles
Kindling
Minns
the
poet
Gerbault
the
big
railway
man
Lord
Gane
fresh
from
the
settlement
of
Framboya
and
Rumbold
who
later
became
Home
Secretary
and
left
us
We
were
men
of
all
parties
and
very
various
experiences
and
our
object
was
to
discuss
the
welfare
of
the
Empire
in
a
disinterested
spirit
We
dined
monthly
at
the
Mermaid
in
Westminster
and
for
a
couple
of
years
we
kept
up
an
average
attendance
of
ten
out
of
fourteen
The
dinner
time
was
given
up
to
desultory
conversation
and
it
is
odd
how
warm
and
good
the
social
atmosphere
of
that
little
gathering
became
as
time
went
on
then
over
the
dessert
so
soon
as
the
waiters
had
swept
away
the
crumbs
and
ceased
to
fret
us
one
of
us
would
open
with
perhaps
fifteen
or
twenty
minutes
exposition
of
some
specially
prepared
question
and
after
him
we
would
deliver
ourselves
in
turn
each
for
three
or
four
minutes
When
every
one
present
had
spoken
once
talk
became
general
again
and
it
was
rare
we
emerged
upon
Hendon
Street
before
midnight
Sometimes
as
my
house
was
conveniently
near
a
knot
of
men
would
come
home
with
me
and
go
on
talking
and
smoking
in
my
dining
room
until
two
or
three
We
had
Fred
Neal
that
wild
Irish
journalist
among
us
towards
the
end
and
his
stupendous
flow
of
words
materially
prolonged
our
closing
discussions
and
made
our
continuance
impossible
I
learned
very
much
and
very
many
things
at
those
dinners
but
more
particularly
did
I
become
familiarised
with
the
habits
of
mind
of
such
men
as
Neal
Crupp
Gane
and
the
one
or
two
other
New
Imperialists
who
belonged
to
us
They
were
nearly
all
like
Bailey
Oxford
men
though
mostly
of
a
younger
generation
and
they
were
all
mysteriously
and
inexplicably
advocates
of
Tariff
Reform
as
if
it
were
the
principal
instead
of
at
best
a
secondary
aspect
of
constructive
policy
They
seemed
obsessed
by
the
idea
that
streams
of
trade
could
be
diverted
violently
so
as
to
link
the
parts
of
the
Empire
by
common
interests
and
they
were
persuaded
I
still
think
mistakenly
that
Tariff
Reform
would
have
an
immense
popular
appeal
They
were
also
very
keen
on
military
organisation
and
with
a
curious
little
martinet
twist
in
their
minds
that
boded
ill
for
that
side
of
public
liberty
So
much
against
them
But
they
were
disposed
to
spend
money
much
more
generously
on
education
and
research
of
all
sorts
than
our
formless
host
of
Liberals
seemed
likely
to
do
and
they
were
altogether
more
accessible
than
the
Young
Liberals
to
bold
constructive
ideas
affecting
the
universities
and
upper
classes
The
Liberals
are
abjectly
afraid
of
the
universities
I
found
myself
constantly
falling
into
line
with
these
men
in
our
discussions
and
more
and
more
hostile
to
Daytons
sentimentalising
evasions
of
definite
schemes
and
Minns
trust
in
such
things
as
the
Spirit
of
our
People
and
the
General
Trend
of
Progress
It
wasnt
that
I
thought
them
very
much
righter
than
their
opponents
I
believe
all
definite
party
sides
at
any
time
are
bound
to
be
about
equally
right
and
equally
lop
sided
but
that
I
thought
I
could
get
more
out
of
them
and
what
was
more
important
to
me
more
out
of
myself
if
I
co
operated
with
them
By
1908
I
had
already
arrived
at
a
point
where
I
could
be
definitely
considering
a
transfer
of
my
political
allegiance
These
abstract
questions
are
inseparably
interwoven
with
my
memory
of
a
shining
long
white
table
and
our
hock
bottles
and
burgundy
bottles
and
bottles
of
Perrier
and
St
Galmier
and
the
disturbed
central
trophy
of
dessert
and
scattered
glasses
and
nut
shells
and
cigarette
ends
and
menu
cards
used
for
memoranda
I
see
old
Dayton
sitting
back
and
cocking
his
eye
to
the
ceiling
in
a
way
he
had
while
he
threw
warmth
into
the
ancient
platitudes
of
Liberalism
and
Minns
leaning
forward
and
a
little
like
a
cockatoo
with
a
taste
for
confidences
telling
us
in
a
hushed
voice
of
his
faith
in
the
Destiny
of
Mankind
Thorns
lounges
rolling
his
round
face
and
round
eyes
from
speaker
to
speaker
and
sounding
the
visible
depths
of
misery
whenever
Neal
begins
Gerbault
and
Gane
were
given
to
conversation
in
undertones
and
Bailey
pursued
mysterious
purposes
in
lisping
whispers
It
was
Crupp
attracted
me
most
He
had
as
people
say
his
eye
on
me
from
the
beginning
He
used
to
speak
at
me
and
drifted
into
a
custom
of
coming
home
with
me
very
regularly
for
an
after
talk
He
opened
his
heart
to
me
Neither
of
us
he
said
are
dukes
and
neither
of
us
are
horny
handed
sons
of
toil
We
want
to
get
hold
of
the
handles
and
to
do
that
one
must
go
where
the
power
is
and
give
it
just
as
constructive
a
twist
as
we
can
Thats
MY
Toryism
Is
it
Kindlings
or
Gerbaults
No
But
theirs
is
soft
and
mines
hard
Mine
will
wear
theirs
out
You
and
I
and
Bailey
are
all
after
the
same
thing
and
why
arent
we
working
together
Are
you
a
Confederate
I
asked
suddenly
Thats
a
secret
nobody
tells
he
said
What
are
the
Confederates
after
Making
aristocracy
work
I
suppose
Just
as
I
gather
you
want
to
do
The
Confederates
were
being
heard
of
at
that
time
They
were
at
once
attractive
and
repellent
to
me
an
odd
secret
society
whose
membership
nobody
knew
pledged
it
was
said
to
impose
Tariff
Reform
and
an
ample
constructive
policy
upon
the
Conservatives
In
the
press
at
any
rate
they
had
an
air
of
deliberately
organised
power
I
have
no
doubt
the
rumour
of
them
greatly
influenced
my
ideas
In
the
end
I
made
some
very
rapid
decisions
but
for
nearly
two
years
I
was
hesitating
Hesitations
were
inevitable
in
such
a
matter
I
was
not
dealing
with
any
simple
question
of
principle
but
with
elusive
and
fluctuating
estimates
of
the
trend
of
diverse
forces
and
of
the
nature
of
my
own
powers
All
through
that
period
I
was
asking
over
and
over
again
how
far
are
these
Confederates
mere
dreamers
How
far
and
this
was
more
vital
are
they
rendering
lip
service
to
social
organisations
Is
it
true
they
desire
war
because
it
confirms
the
ascendency
of
their
class
How
far
can
Conservatism
be
induced
to
plan
and
construct
before
it
resists
the
thrust
towards
change
Is
it
really
in
bulk
anything
more
than
a
mass
of
prejudice
and
conceit
cynical
indulgence
and
a
hard
suspicion
of
and
hostility
to
the
expropriated
classes
in
the
community
That
is
a
research
which
yields
no
statistics
an
enquiry
like
asking
what
is
the
ruling
colour
of
a
chameleon
The
shadowy
answer
varied
with
my
health
varied
with
my
mood
and
the
conduct
of
the
people
I
was
watching
How
fine
can
people
be
How
generous
not
incidentally
but
all
round
How
far
can
you
educate
sons
beyond
the
outlook
of
their
fathers
and
how
far
lift
a
rich
proud
self
indulgent
class
above
the
protests
of
its
business
agents
and
solicitors
and
its
own
habits
and
vanity
Is
chivalry
in
a
class
possible
was
it
ever
indeed
or
will
it
ever
indeed
be
possible
Is
the
progress
that
seems
attainable
in
certain
directions
worth
the
retrogression
that
may
be
its
price
4
It
was
to
the
Pentagram
Circle
that
I
first
broached
the
new
conceptions
that
were
developing
in
my
mind
I
count
the
evening
of
my
paper
the
beginning
of
the
movement
that
created
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
and
our
wing
of
the
present
New
Tory
party
I
do
that
without
any
excessive
egotism
because
my
essay
was
no
solitary
mans
production
it
was
my
reaction
to
forces
that
had
come
to
me
very
large
through
my
fellow
members
its
quick
reception
by
them
showed
that
I
was
so
to
speak
merely
the
first
of
the
chestnuts
to
pop
The
atmospheric
quality
of
the
evening
stands
out
very
vividly
in
my
memory
The
night
I
remember
was
warmly
foggy
when
after
midnight
we
went
to
finish
our
talk
at
my
house
We
had
recently
changed
the
rules
of
the
club
to
admit
visitors
and
so
it
happened
that
I
had
brought
Britten
and
Crupp
introduced
Arnold
Shoesmith
my
former
schoolfellow
at
City
Merchants
and
now
the
wealthy
successor
of
his
father
and
elder
brother
I
remember
his
heavy
inexpressively
handsome
face
lighting
to
his
rare
smile
at
the
sight
of
me
and
how
little
I
dreamt
of
the
tragic
entanglement
that
was
destined
to
involve
us
both
Gane
was
present
and
Esmeer
a
newly
added
member
but
I
think
Bailey
was
absent
Either
he
was
absent
or
he
said
something
so
entirely
characteristic
and
undistinguished
that
it
has
left
no
impression
on
my
mind
I
had
broken
a
little
from
the
traditions
of
the
club
even
in
my
title
which
was
deliberately
a
challenge
to
the
liberal
idea
it
was
The
World
Exists
for
Exceptional
People
It
is
not
the
title
I
should
choose
now
for
since
that
time
I
have
got
my
phrase
of
mental
hinterlander
into
journalistic
use
I
should
say
now
The
World
Exists
for
Mental
Hinterland
The
notes
I
made
of
that
opening
have
long
since
vanished
with
a
thousand
other
papers
but
some
odd
chance
has
preserved
and
brought
with
me
to
Italy
the
menu
for
the
evening
its
back
black
with
the
scrawled
notes
I
made
of
the
discussion
for
my
reply
I
found
it
the
other
day
among
some
letters
from
Margaret
and
a
copy
of
the
1909
Report
of
the
Poor
Law
Commission
also
rich
with
pencilled
marginalia
My
opening
was
a
criticism
of
the
democratic
idea
and
method
upon
lines
such
as
I
have
already
sufficiently
indicated
in
the
preceding
sections
I
remember
how
old
Dayton
fretted
in
his
chair
and
tushed
and
pished
at
that
even
as
I
gave
it
and
afterwards
we
were
treated
to
one
of
his
platitudinous
harangues
he
sitting
back
in
his
chair
with
that
small
obstinate
eye
of
his
fixed
on
the
ceiling
and
a
sort
of
cadaverous
glow
upon
his
face
repeating
quite
regardless
of
all
my
reasoning
and
all
that
had
been
said
by
others
in
the
debate
the
sacred
empty
phrases
that
were
his
souls
refuge
from
reality
You
may
think
it
very
clever
he
said
with
a
nod
of
his
head
to
mark
his
sense
of
his
point
not
to
Trust
in
the
People
I
do
And
so
on
Nothing
in
his
life
or
work
had
ever
shown
that
he
did
trust
in
the
people
but
that
was
beside
the
mark
He
was
the
party
Liberal
and
these
were
the
party
incantations
After
my
preliminary
attack
on
vague
democracy
I
went
on
to
show
that
all
human
life
was
virtually
aristocratic
people
must
either
recognise
aristocracy
in
general
or
else
follow
leaders
which
is
aristocracy
in
particular
and
so
I
came
to
my
point
that
the
reality
of
human
progress
lay
necessarily
through
the
establishment
of
freedoms
for
the
human
best
and
a
collective
receptivity
and
understanding
There
was
a
disgusted
grunt
from
Dayton
Superman
rubbish
Nietzsche
Shaw
Ugh
I
sailed
on
over
him
to
my
next
propositions
The
prime
essential
in
a
progressive
civilisation
was
the
establishment
of
a
more
effective
selective
process
for
the
privilege
of
higher
education
and
the
very
highest
educational
opportunity
for
the
educable
We
were
too
apt
to
patronise
scholarship
winners
as
though
a
scholarship
was
toffee
given
as
a
reward
for
virtue
It
wasnt
any
reward
at
all
it
was
an
invitation
to
capacity
We
had
no
more
right
to
drag
in
virtue
or
any
merit
but
quality
than
we
had
to
involve
it
in
a
search
for
the
tallest
man
We
didnt
want
a
mere
process
for
the
selection
of
good
as
distinguished
from
gifted
and
able
boys
No
you
DONT
from
Dayton
we
wanted
all
the
brilliant
stuff
in
the
world
concentrated
upon
the
development
of
the
world
Just
to
exasperate
Dayton
further
I
put
in
a
plea
for
gifts
as
against
character
in
educational
artistic
and
legislative
work
Good
teaching
I
said
is
better
than
good
conduct
We
are
becoming
idiotic
about
character
Dayton
was
too
moved
to
speak
He
slewed
round
upon
me
an
eye
of
agonised
aversion
I
expatiated
on
the
small
proportion
of
the
available
ability
that
is
really
serving
humanity
to
day
I
suppose
to
day
all
the
thought
all
the
art
all
the
increments
of
knowledge
that
matter
are
supplied
so
far
as
the
English
speaking
community
is
concerned
by
how
many
by
three
or
four
thousand
individuals
Less
said
Thorns
To
be
more
precise
by
the
mental
hinterlands
of
three
or
four
thousand
individuals
We
who
know
some
of
the
band
entertain
no
illusions
as
to
their
innate
rarity
We
know
that
they
are
just
the
few
out
of
many
the
few
who
got
in
our
world
of
chance
and
confusion
the
timely
stimulus
the
apt
suggestion
at
the
fortunate
moment
the
needed
training
the
leisure
The
rest
are
lost
in
the
crowd
fail
through
the
defects
of
their
qualities
become
commonplace
workmen
and
second
rate
professional
men
marry
commonplace
wives
are
as
much
waste
as
the
driftage
of
superfluous
pollen
in
a
pine
forest
is
waste
Decent
honest
lives
said
Dayton
to
his
bread
crumbs
with
his
chin
in
his
necktie
WASTE
And
the
people
who
do
get
what
we
call
opportunity
get
it
usually
in
extremely
limited
and
cramping
forms
No
man
lives
a
life
of
intellectual
productivity
alone
he
needs
not
only
material
and
opportunity
but
helpers
resonators
Round
and
about
what
I
might
call
the
REAL
men
you
want
the
sympathetic
cooperators
who
help
by
understanding
It
isnt
that
our
SALT
of
three
or
four
thousand
is
needlessly
rare
it
is
sustained
by
far
too
small
and
undifferentiated
a
public
Most
of
the
good
men
we
know
are
not
really
doing
the
very
best
work
of
their
gifts
nearly
all
are
a
little
adapted
most
are
shockingly
adapted
to
some
second
best
use
Now
I
take
it
this
is
the
very
centre
and
origin
of
the
muddle
futility
and
unhappiness
that
distresses
us
its
the
cardinal
problem
of
the
state
to
discover
develop
and
use
the
exceptional
gifts
of
men
And
I
see
that
best
done
I
drift
more
and
more
away
from
the
common
stuff
of
legislative
and
administrative
activity
by
a
quite
revolutionary
development
of
the
educational
machinery
but
by
a
still
more
unprecedented
attempt
to
keep
science
going
to
keep
literature
going
and
to
keep
what
is
the
necessary
spur
of
all
science
and
literature
an
intelligent
and
appreciative
criticism
going
You
know
none
of
these
things
have
ever
been
kept
going
hitherto
theyve
come
unexpectedly
and
inexplicably
Hear
hear
from
Dayton
cough
nodding
of
the
head
and
an
expression
of
mystical
profundity
Theyve
lit
up
a
civilisation
and
vanished
to
give
place
to
darkness
again
Now
the
modern
state
doesnt
mean
to
go
back
to
darkness
again
and
so
its
got
to
keep
its
light
burning
I
went
on
to
attack
the
present
organisation
of
our
schools
and
universities
which
seemed
elaborately
designed
to
turn
the
well
behaved
uncritical
and
uncreative
men
of
each
generation
into
the
authoritative
leaders
of
the
next
and
I
suggested
remedies
upon
lines
that
I
have
already
indicated
in
the
earlier
chapters
of
this
story
So
far
I
had
the
substance
of
the
club
with
me
but
I
opened
new
ground
and
set
Crupp
agog
by
confessing
my
doubt
from
which
party
or
combination
of
groups
these
developments
of
science
and
literature
and
educational
organisation
could
most
reasonably
be
expected
I
looked
up
to
find
Crupps
dark
little
eye
intent
upon
me
There
I
left
it
to
them
We
had
an
astonishingly
good
discussion
Neal
burst
once
but
we
emerged
from
his
flood
after
a
time
and
Dayton
had
his
interlude
The
rest
was
all
close
keen
examination
of
my
problem
I
see
Crupp
now
with
his
arm
bent
before
him
on
the
table
in
a
way
we
had
as
though
it
was
jointed
throughout
its
length
like
a
lobsters
antenna
his
plump
short
fingered
hand
crushing
up
a
walnut
shell
into
smaller
and
smaller
fragments
Remington
he
said
has
given
us
the
data
for
a
movement
a
really
possible
movement
Its
not
only
possible
but
necessary
urgently
necessary
I
think
if
the
Empire
is
to
go
on
Were
working
altogether
too
much
at
the
social
basement
in
education
and
training
said
Gane
Remington
is
right
about
our
neglect
of
the
higher
levels
Britten
made
a
good
contribution
with
an
analysis
of
what
he
called
the
spirit
of
a
country
and
what
made
it
The
modern
community
needs
its
serious
men
to
be
artistic
and
its
artists
to
be
taken
seriously
I
remember
his
saying
The
day
has
gone
by
for
either
dull
responsibility
or
merely
witty
art
I
remember
very
vividly
how
Shoesmith
harped
on
an
idea
I
had
thrown
out
of
using
some
sort
of
review
or
weekly
to
express
and
elaborate
these
conceptions
of
a
new
severer
aristocratic
culture
It
would
have
to
be
done
amazingly
well
said
Britten
and
my
mind
went
back
to
my
school
days
and
that
ancient
enterprise
of
ours
and
how
Cossington
had
rushed
it
Well
Cossington
had
too
many
papers
nowadays
to
interfere
with
us
and
we
perhaps
had
learnt
some
defensive
devices
But
this
thing
has
to
be
linked
to
some
political
party
said
Crupp
with
his
eye
on
me
You
cant
get
away
from
that
The
Liberals
he
added
have
never
done
anything
for
research
or
literature
They
had
a
Royal
Commission
on
the
Dramatic
Censorship
said
Thorns
with
a
note
of
minute
fairness
It
shows
what
they
were
made
of
he
added
Its
what
Ive
told
Remington
again
and
again
said
Crupp
weve
got
to
pick
up
the
tradition
of
aristocracy
reorganise
it
and
make
it
work
But
hes
certainly
suggested
a
method
There
wont
be
much
aristocracy
to
pick
up
said
Dayton
darkly
to
the
ceiling
if
the
House
of
Lords
throws
out
the
Budget
All
the
more
reason
for
picking
it
up
said
Neal
For
we
cant
do
without
it
Will
they
go
to
the
bad
or
will
they
rise
from
the
ashes
aristocrats
indeed
if
the
Liberals
come
in
overwhelmingly
said
Britten
Its
we
who
might
decide
that
said
Crupp
insidiously
I
agree
said
Gane
No
one
can
tell
said
Thorns
I
doubt
if
they
will
get
beaten
It
was
an
odd
fragmentary
discussion
that
night
We
were
all
with
ideas
in
our
minds
at
once
fine
and
imperfect
We
threw
out
suggestions
that
showed
themselves
at
once
far
inadequate
and
we
tried
to
qualify
them
by
minor
self
contradictions
Britten
I
think
got
more
said
than
any
one
You
all
seem
to
think
you
want
to
organise
people
particular
groups
and
classes
of
individuals
he
insisted
It
isnt
that
Thats
the
standing
error
of
politicians
You
want
to
organise
a
culture
Civilisation
isnt
a
matter
of
concrete
groupings
its
a
matter
of
prevailing
ideas
The
problem
is
how
to
make
bold
clear
ideas
prevail
The
question
for
Remington
and
us
is
just
what
groups
of
people
will
most
help
this
culture
forward
Yes
but
how
are
the
Lords
going
to
behave
said
Crupp
You
yourself
were
asking
that
a
little
while
ago
If
they
win
or
if
they
lose
Gane
maintained
there
will
be
a
movement
to
reorganise
aristocracy
Reform
of
the
House
of
Lords
theyll
call
the
political
form
of
it
Bailey
thinks
that
said
some
one
The
labour
people
want
abolition
said
some
one
Let
em
said
Thorns
He
became
audible
sketching
a
possibility
of
action
Suppose
all
of
us
were
able
to
work
together
Its
just
one
of
those
indeterminate
confused
eventful
times
ahead
when
a
steady
jet
of
ideas
might
produce
enormous
results
Leave
me
out
of
it
said
Dayton
IF
you
please
We
should
said
Thorns
under
his
breath
I
took
up
Crupps
initiative
I
remember
and
expanded
it
I
believe
we
could
do
extensive
things
I
insisted
Revivals
and
revisions
of
Toryism
have
been
tried
so
often
said
Thorns
from
the
Young
England
movement
onward
Not
one
but
has
produced
its
enduring
effects
I
said
Its
the
peculiarity
of
English
conservatism
that
its
persistently
progressive
and
rejuvenescent
I
think
it
must
have
been
about
that
point
that
Dayton
fled
our
presence
after
some
clumsy
sentence
that
I
decided
upon
reflection
was
intended
to
remind
me
of
my
duty
to
my
party
Then
I
remember
Thorns
firing
doubts
at
me
obliquely
across
the
table
You
cant
run
a
country
through
its
spoilt
children
he
said
What
you
call
aristocrats
are
really
spoilt
children
Theyve
had
too
much
of
everything
except
bracing
experience
Children
can
always
be
educated
said
Crupp
I
said
SPOILT
children
said
Thorns
Look
here
Thorns
said
I
If
this
Budget
row
leads
to
a
storm
and
these
big
people
get
their
power
clipped
whats
going
to
happen
Have
you
thought
of
that
When
they
go
out
lock
stock
and
barrel
who
comes
in
Nature
abhors
a
Vacuum
said
Crupp
supporting
me
Baileys
trained
officials
suggested
Gane
Quacks
with
a
certificate
of
approval
from
Altiora
said
Thorns
I
admit
the
horrors
of
the
alternative
Thered
be
a
massacre
in
three
years
One
may
go
on
trying
possibilities
for
ever
I
said
One
thing
emerges
Whatever
accidents
happen
our
civilisation
needs
and
almost
consciously
needs
a
culture
of
fine
creative
minds
and
all
the
necessary
tolerances
opennesses
considerations
that
march
with
that
For
my
own
part
I
think
that
is
the
Most
Vital
Thing
Build
your
ship
of
state
as
you
will
get
your
men
as
you
will
I
concentrate
on
what
is
clearly
the
affair
of
my
sort
of
man
I
want
to
ensure
the
quality
of
the
quarter
deck
Hear
hear
said
Shoesmith
suddenly
his
first
remark
for
a
long
time
A
first
rate
figure
said
Shoesmith
gripping
it
Our
danger
is
in
missing
that
I
went
on
Muddle
isnt
ended
by
transferring
power
from
the
muddle
headed
few
to
the
muddle
headed
many
and
then
cheating
the
many
out
of
it
again
in
the
interests
of
a
bureaucracy
of
sham
experts
But
that
seems
the
limit
of
the
liberal
imagination
There
is
no
real
progress
in
a
country
except
a
rise
in
the
level
of
its
free
intellectual
activity
All
other
progress
is
secondary
and
dependant
If
you
take
on
Baileys
dreams
of
efficient
machinery
and
a
sort
of
fanatical
discipline
with
no
free
moving
brains
behind
it
confused
ugliness
becomes
rigid
ugliness
thats
all
No
doubt
things
are
moving
from
looseness
to
discipline
and
from
irresponsible
controls
to
organised
controls
and
also
and
rather
contrariwise
everything
is
becoming
as
people
say
democratised
but
all
the
more
need
in
that
for
an
ark
in
which
the
living
element
may
be
saved
Hear
hear
said
Shoesmith
faint
but
pursuing
It
must
have
been
in
my
house
afterwards
that
Shoesmith
became
noticeable
He
seemed
trying
to
say
something
vague
and
difficult
that
he
didnt
get
said
at
all
on
that
occasion
We
could
do
immense
things
with
a
weekly
he
repeated
echoing
Neal
I
think
And
there
he
left
off
and
became
a
mute
expressiveness
and
it
was
only
afterwards
when
I
was
in
bed
that
I
saw
we
had
our
capitalist
in
our
hands
We
parted
that
night
on
my
doorstep
in
a
tremendous
glow
but
in
that
sort
of
glow
one
doesnt
act
upon
without
much
reconsideration
and
it
was
some
months
before
I
made
my
decision
to
follow
up
the
indications
of
that
opening
talk
5
I
find
my
thoughts
lingering
about
the
Pentagram
Circle
In
my
developments
it
played
a
large
part
not
so
much
by
starting
new
trains
of
thought
as
by
confirming
the
practicability
of
things
I
had
already
hesitatingly
entertained
Discussion
with
these
other
men
so
prominently
involved
in
current
affairs
endorsed
views
that
otherwise
would
have
seemed
only
a
little
less
remote
from
actuality
than
the
guardians
of
Plato
or
the
labour
laws
of
More
Among
other
questions
that
were
never
very
distant
from
our
discussions
that
came
apt
to
every
topic
was
the
true
significance
of
democracy
Tariff
Reform
as
a
method
of
international
hostility
and
the
imminence
of
war
On
the
first
issue
I
can
still
recall
little
Bailey
glib
and
winking
explaining
that
democracy
was
really
just
a
dodge
for
getting
assent
to
the
ordinances
of
the
expert
official
by
means
of
the
polling
booth
If
they
dont
like
things
said
he
they
can
vote
for
the
opposition
candidate
and
see
what
happens
then
and
that
you
see
is
why
we
dont
want
proportional
representation
to
let
in
the
wild
men
I
opened
my
eyes
the
lids
had
dropped
for
a
moment
under
the
caress
of
those
smooth
sounds
to
see
if
Baileys
artful
forefinger
wasnt
at
the
side
of
his
predominant
nose
The
international
situation
exercised
us
greatly
Our
meetings
were
pervaded
by
the
feeling
that
all
things
moved
towards
a
day
of
reckoning
with
Germany
and
I
was
largely
instrumental
in
keeping
up
the
suggestion
that
India
was
in
a
state
of
unstable
equilibrium
that
sooner
or
later
something
must
happen
there
something
very
serious
to
our
Empire
Dayton
frankly
detested
these
topics
He
was
full
of
that
old
Middle
Victorian
persuasion
that
whatever
is
inconvenient
or
disagreeable
to
the
English
mind
could
be
annihilated
by
not
thinking
about
it
He
used
to
sit
low
in
his
chair
and
look
mulish
Militarism
he
would
declare
in
a
tone
of
the
utmost
moral
fervour
is
a
curse
Its
an
unmitigated
curse
Then
he
would
cough
shortly
and
twitch
his
head
back
and
frown
and
seem
astonished
beyond
measure
that
after
this
conclusive
statement
we
could
still
go
on
talking
of
war
All
our
Imperialists
were
obsessed
by
the
thought
of
international
conflict
and
their
influence
revived
for
a
time
those
uneasinesses
that
had
been
aroused
in
me
for
the
first
time
by
my
continental
journey
with
Willersley
and
by
Merediths
One
of
Our
Conquerors
That
quite
justifiable
dread
of
a
punishment
for
all
the
slackness
mental
dishonesty
presumption
mercenary
respectability
and
sentimentalised
commercialism
of
the
Victorian
period
at
the
hands
of
the
better
organised
more
vigorous
and
now
far
more
highly
civilised
peoples
of
Central
Europe
seemed
to
me
to
have
both
a
good
and
bad
series
of
consequences
It
seemed
the
only
thing
capable
of
bracing
English
minds
to
education
sustained
constructive
effort
and
research
but
on
the
other
hand
it
produced
the
quality
of
a
panic
hasty
preparation
impatience
of
thought
a
wasteful
and
sometimes
quite
futile
immediacy
In
1909
for
example
there
was
a
vast
clamour
for
eight
additional
Dreadnoughts

We
want
eight

And
we
wont
wait
but
no
clamour
at
all
about
our
national
waste
of
inventive
talent
our
mean
standard
of
intellectual
attainment
our
disingenuous
criticism
and
the
consequent
failure
to
distinguish
men
of
the
quality
needed
to
carry
on
the
modern
type
of
war
Almost
universally
we
have
the
wrong
men
in
our
places
of
responsibility
and
the
right
men
in
no
place
at
all
almost
universally
we
have
poorly
qualified
hesitating
and
resentful
subordinates
because
our
criticism
is
worthless
and
so
habitually
as
to
be
now
almost
unconsciously
dishonest
Germany
is
beating
England
in
every
matter
upon
which
competition
is
possible
because
she
attended
sedulously
to
her
collective
mind
for
sixty
pregnant
years
because
in
spite
of
tremendous
defects
she
is
still
far
more
anxious
for
quality
in
achievement
than
we
are
I
remember
saying
that
in
my
paper
From
that
I
remember
I
went
on
to
an
image
that
had
flashed
into
my
mind
The
British
Empire
I
said
is
like
some
of
those
early
vertebrated
monsters
the
Brontosaurus
and
the
Atlantosaurus
and
such
like
it
sacrifices
intellect
to
character
its
backbone
that
is
to
say
especially
in
the
visceral
region
is
bigger
than
its
cranium
Its
no
accident
that
things
are
so
Weve
worked
for
backbone
We
brag
about
backbone
and
if
the
joints
are
anchylosed
so
much
the
better
Were
still
but
only
half
awake
to
our
error
You
cant
change
that
suddenly
Turn
it
round
and
make
it
go
backwards
interjected
Thorns
Its
trying
to
do
that
I
said
in
places
And
afterwards
Crupp
declared
I
had
begotten
a
nightmare
which
haunted
him
of
nights
he
was
trying
desperately
and
belatedly
to
blow
a
brain
as
one
blows
soap
bubbles
on
such
a
mezoroic
saurian
as
I
had
conjured
up
while
the
clumsy
monsters
fate
all
teeth
and
brains
crept
nearer
and
nearer
Ive
grown
I
think
since
those
days
out
of
the
urgency
of
that
apprehension
I
still
think
a
European
war
and
conceivably
a
very
humiliating
war
for
England
may
occur
at
no
very
distant
date
but
I
do
not
think
there
is
any
such
heroic
quality
in
our
governing
class
as
will
make
that
war
catastrophic
The
prevailing
spirit
in
English
life
it
is
one
of
the
essential
secrets
of
our
imperial
endurance
is
one
of
underbred
aggression
in
prosperity
and
diplomatic
compromise
in
moments
of
danger
we
bully
haughtily
where
we
can
and
assimilate
where
we
must
It
is
not
for
nothing
that
our
upper
and
middle
class
youth
is
educated
by
teachers
of
the
highest
character
scholars
and
gentlemen
men
who
can
pretend
quite
honestly
that
Darwinism
hasnt
upset
the
historical
fall
of
man
that
cricket
is
moral
training
and
that
Socialism
is
an
outrage
upon
the
teachings
of
Christ
A
sort
of
dignified
dexterity
of
evasion
is
the
national
reward
Germany
with
a
larger
population
a
vigorous
and
irreconcilable
proletariat
a
bolder
intellectual
training
a
harsher
spirit
can
scarcely
fail
to
drive
us
at
last
to
a
realisation
of
intolerable
strain
So
we
may
never
fight
at
all
The
war
of
preparations
that
has
been
going
on
for
thirty
years
may
end
like
a
sham
fight
at
last
in
an
umpires
decision
We
shall
proudly
but
very
firmly
take
the
second
place
For
my
own
part
since
I
love
England
as
much
as
I
detest
her
present
lethargy
of
soul
I
pray
for
a
chastening
war
I
wouldnt
mind
her
flag
in
the
dirt
if
only
her
spirit
would
come
out
of
it
So
I
was
able
to
shake
off
that
earlier
fear
of
some
final
and
irrevocable
destruction
truncating
all
my
schemes
At
the
most
a
European
war
would
be
a
dramatic
episode
in
the
reconstruction
I
had
in
view
In
India
too
I
no
longer
foresee
as
once
I
was
inclined
to
see
disaster
The
English
rule
in
India
is
surely
one
of
the
most
extraordinary
accidents
that
has
ever
happened
in
history
We
are
there
like
a
man
who
has
fallen
off
a
ladder
on
to
the
neck
of
an
elephant
and
doesnt
know
what
to
do
or
how
to
get
down
Until
something
happens
he
remains
Our
functions
in
India
are
absurd
We
English
do
not
own
that
country
do
not
even
rule
it
We
make
nothing
happen
at
the
most
we
prevent
things
happening
We
suppress
our
own
literature
there
Most
English
people
cannot
even
go
to
this
land
they
possess
the
authorities
would
prevent
it
If
Messrs
Perowne
or
Cook
organised
a
cheap
tour
of
Manchester
operatives
it
would
be
stopped
No
one
dare
bring
the
average
English
voter
face
to
face
with
the
reality
of
India
or
let
the
Indian
native
have
a
glimpse
of
the
English
voter
In
my
time
I
have
talked
to
English
statesmen
Indian
officials
and
ex
officials
viceroys
soldiers
every
one
who
might
be
supposed
to
know
what
India
signifies
and
I
have
prayed
them
to
tell
me
what
they
thought
we
were
up
to
there
I
am
not
writing
without
my
book
in
these
matters
And
beyond
a
phrase
or
so
about
even
handed
justice
and
look
at
our
sedition
trials
they
told
me
nothing
Time
after
time
I
have
heard
of
that
apocryphal
native
ruler
in
the
north
west
who
when
asked
what
would
happen
if
we
left
India
replied
that
in
a
week
his
men
would
be
in
the
saddle
and
in
six
months
not
a
rupee
nor
a
virgin
would
he
left
in
Lower
Bengal
That
is
always
given
as
our
conclusive
justification
But
is
it
our
business
to
preserve
the
rupees
and
virgins
of
Lower
Bengal
in
a
sort
of
magic
inconclusiveness
Better
plunder
than
paralysis
better
fire
and
sword
than
futility
Our
flag
is
spread
over
the
peninsula
without
plans
without
intentions
a
vast
preventive
The
sum
total
of
our
policy
is
to
arrest
any
discussion
any
conferences
that
would
enable
the
Indians
to
work
out
a
tolerable
scheme
of
the
future
for
themselves
But
that
does
not
arrest
the
resentment
of
men
held
back
from
life
Consider
what
it
must
be
for
the
educated
Indian
sitting
at
the
feast
of
contemporary
possibilities
with
his
mouth
gagged
and
his
hands
bound
behind
him
The
spirit
of
insurrection
breaks
out
in
spite
of
espionage
and
seizures
Our
conflict
for
inaction
develops
stupendous
absurdities
The
other
day
the
British
Empire
was
taking
off
and
examining
printed
cotton
stomach
wraps
for
seditious
emblems
and
inscriptions
In
some
manner
we
shall
have
to
come
out
of
India
We
have
had
our
chance
and
we
have
demonstrated
nothing
but
the
appalling
dulness
of
our
national
imagination
We
are
not
good
enough
to
do
anything
with
India
Codger
and
Flack
and
Gates
and
Dayton
Cladingbowl
in
the
club
and
the
HOME
CHURCHMAN
in
the
home
cant
about
character
worship
of
strenuous
force
and
contempt
of
truth
for
the
sake
of
such
men
and
things
as
these
we
must
abandon
in
fact
if
not
in
appearance
that
empty
domination
Had
we
great
schools
and
a
powerful
teaching
could
we
boast
great
men
had
we
the
spirit
of
truth
and
creation
in
our
lives
then
indeed
it
might
be
different
But
a
race
that
bears
a
sceptre
must
carry
gifts
to
justify
it
It
does
not
follow
that
we
shall
be
driven
catastrophically
from
India
That
was
my
earlier
mistake
We
are
not
proud
enough
in
our
bones
to
be
ruined
by
India
as
Spain
was
by
her
empire
We
may
be
able
to
abandon
India
with
an
air
of
still
remaining
there
It
is
our
new
method
We
train
our
future
rulers
in
the
public
schools
to
have
a
very
wholesome
respect
for
strength
and
as
soon
as
a
power
arises
in
India
in
spite
of
us
be
it
a
man
or
a
culture
or
a
native
state
we
shall
he
willing
to
deal
with
it
We
may
or
may
not
have
a
war
but
our
governing
class
will
be
quick
to
learn
when
we
are
beaten
Then
they
will
repeat
our
South
African
diplomacy
and
arrange
for
some
settlement
that
will
abandon
the
reality
such
as
it
is
and
preserve
the
semblance
of
power
The
conqueror
DE
FACTO
will
become
the
new
loyal
Briton
and
the
democracy
at
home
will
be
invited
to
celebrate
our
recession
triumphantly
I
am
no
believer
in
the
imminent
dissolution
of
our
Empire
I
am
less
and
less
inclined
to
see
in
either
India
or
Germany
the
probability
of
an
abrupt
truncation
of
those
slow
intellectual
and
moral
constructions
which
are
the
essentials
of
statecraft
6
I
sit
writing
in
this
little
loggia
to
the
sound
of
dripping
water
this
morning
we
had
rain
and
the
roof
of
our
little
casa
is
still
not
dry
there
are
pools
in
the
rocks
under
the
sweet
chestnuts
and
the
torrent
that
crosses
the
salita
is
full
and
boastful
and
I
try
to
recall
the
order
of
my
impressions
during
that
watching
dubious
time
before
I
went
over
to
the
Conservative
Party
I
was
trying
chaotic
task
to
gauge
the
possibilities
inherent
in
the
quality
of
the
British
aristocracy
There
comes
a
broad
spectacular
effect
of
wide
parks
diversified
by
woods
and
bracken
valleys
and
dappled
with
deer
of
great
smooth
lawns
shaded
by
ancient
trees
of
big
facades
of
sunlit
buildings
dominating
the
country
side
of
large
fine
rooms
full
of
handsome
easy
mannered
people
As
a
sort
of
representative
picture
to
set
off
against
those
other
pictures
of
Liberals
and
of
Socialists
I
have
given
I
recall
one
of
those
huge
assemblies
the
Duchess
of
Clynes
inaugurated
at
Stamford
House
The
place
itself
is
one
of
the
vastest
private
houses
in
London
a
huge
clustering
mass
of
white
and
gold
saloons
with
polished
floors
and
wonderful
pictures
and
staircases
and
galleries
on
a
Gargantuan
scale
And
there
she
sought
to
gather
all
that
was
most
representative
of
English
activities
and
did
in
fact
in
those
brilliant
nocturnal
crowds
get
samples
of
nearly
every
section
of
our
social
and
intellectual
life
with
a
marked
predominance
upon
the
political
and
social
side
I
remember
sitting
in
one
of
the
recesses
at
the
end
of
the
big
saloon
with
Mrs
Redmondson
one
of
those
sharp
minded
beautiful
rich
women
one
meets
so
often
in
London
who
seem
to
have
done
nothing
and
to
be
capable
of
everything
and
we
watched
the
crowd
uniforms
and
splendours
were
streaming
in
from
a
State
ball
and
exchanged
information
I
told
her
about
the
politicians
and
intellectuals
and
she
told
me
about
the
aristocrats
and
we
sharpened
our
wit
on
them
and
counted
the
percentage
of
beautiful
people
among
the
latter
and
wondered
if
the
general
effect
of
tallness
was
or
was
not
an
illusion
They
were
we
agreed
for
the
most
part
bigger
than
the
average
of
people
in
London
and
a
handsome
lot
even
when
they
were
not
subtly
individualised
They
look
so
well
nurtured
I
said
well
cared
for
I
like
their
quiet
well
trained
movements
their
pleasant
consideration
for
each
other
Kindly
good
tempered
and
at
bottom
utterly
selfish
she
said
like
big
rather
carefully
trained
rather
pampered
children
What
else
can
you
expect
from
them
They
are
good
tempered
anyhow
I
witnessed
and
thats
an
achievement
I
dont
think
I
could
ever
be
content
under
a
bad
tempered
sentimentalism
strenuous
Government
Thats
why
I
couldnt
stand
the
Roosevelt
REGIME
in
America
Ones
chief
surprise
when
one
comes
across
these
big
people
for
the
first
time
is
their
admirable
easiness
and
a
real
personal
modesty
I
confess
I
admire
them
Oh
I
like
them
I
wouldnt
at
all
mind
I
believe
giving
over
the
country
to
this
aristocracy
given
SOMETHING
Which
they
havent
got
Which
they
havent
got
or
theyd
be
the
finest
sort
of
people
in
the
world
That
something
she
inquired
I
dont
know
Ive
been
puzzling
my
wits
to
know
Theyve
done
all
sorts
of
things
Thats
Lord
Wrassleton
she
interrupted
whose
leg
was
broken
you
remember
at
Spion
Kop
Its
healed
very
well
I
like
the
gold
lace
and
the
white
glove
resting
with
quite
a
nice
awkwardness
on
the
sword
When
I
was
a
little
boy
I
wanted
to
wear
clothes
like
that
And
the
stars
Hes
got
the
V
C
Most
of
these
people
here
have
at
any
rate
shown
pluck
you
know
brought
something
off
Not
quite
enough
she
suggested
I
think
thats
it
I
said
Not
quite
enough
not
quite
hard
enough
I
added
She
laughed
and
looked
at
me
Youd
like
to
make
us
she
said
What
Hard
I
dont
think
youll
go
on
if
you
dont
get
hard
We
shant
be
so
pleasant
if
we
do
Well
there
my
puzzled
wits
come
in
again
I
dont
see
why
an
aristocracy
shouldnt
be
rather
hard
trained
and
yet
kindly
Im
not
convinced
that
the
resources
of
education
are
exhausted
I
want
to
better
this
because
it
already
looks
so
good
How
are
we
to
do
it
asked
Mrs
Redmondson
Oh
there
you
have
me
Ive
been
spending
my
time
lately
in
trying
to
answer
that
It
makes
me
quarrel
with
I
held
up
my
fingers
and
ticked
the
items
off
the
public
schools
the
private
tutors
the
army
exams
the
Universities
the
Church
the
general
attitude
of
the
country
towards
science
and
literature
We
all
do
said
Mrs
Redmondson
We
cant
begin
again
at
the
beginning
she
added
Couldnt
one
I
nodded
at
the
assembly
in
general
start
a
movement
Theres
the
Confederates
she
said
with
a
faint
smile
that
masked
a
gleam
of
curiosity
You
want
she
said
to
say
to
the
aristocracy
Be
aristocrats
NOBLESSE
OBLIGE
Do
you
remember
what
happened
to
the
monarch
who
was
told
to
Be
a
King
Well
I
said
I
want
an
aristocracy
This
she
said
smiling
is
the
pick
of
them
The
backwoodsmen
are
off
the
stage
These
are
the
brilliant
ones
the
smart
and
the
blues
They
cost
a
lot
of
money
you
know
So
far
Mrs
Redmondson
but
the
picture
remained
full
of
things
not
stated
in
our
speech
They
were
on
the
whole
handsome
people
charitable
minded
happy
and
easy
They
led
spacious
lives
and
there
was
something
free
and
fearless
about
their
bearing
that
I
liked
extremely
The
women
particularly
were
wide
reading
fine
thinking
Mrs
Redmondson
talked
as
fully
and
widely
and
boldly
as
a
man
and
with
those
flashes
of
intuition
those
startling
sudden
delicacies
of
perception
few
men
display
I
liked
too
the
relations
that
held
between
women
and
men
their
general
tolerance
their
antagonism
to
the
harsh
jealousies
that
are
the
essence
of
the
middle
class
order
After
all
if
ones
aim
resolved
itself
into
the
development
of
a
type
and
culture
of
men
why
shouldnt
one
begin
at
this
end
It
is
very
easy
indeed
to
generalise
about
a
class
or
human
beings
but
much
harder
to
produce
a
sample
Was
old
Lady
Forthundred
for
instance
fairly
a
sample
I
remember
her
as
a
smiling
magnificent
presence
a
towering
accumulation
of
figure
and
wonderful
shimmering
blue
silk
and
black
lace
and
black
hair
and
small
fine
features
and
chins
and
chins
and
chins
disposed
in
a
big
cane
chair
with
wraps
and
cushions
upon
the
great
terrace
of
Champneys
Her
eye
was
blue
and
hard
and
her
accent
and
intonation
were
exactly
what
you
would
expect
from
a
rather
commonplace
dressmaker
pretending
to
be
aristocratic
I
was
I
am
afraid
posing
a
little
as
the
intelligent
but
respectful
inquirer
from
below
investigating
the
great
world
and
she
was
certainly
posing
as
my
informant
She
affected
a
cynical
coarseness
She
developed
a
theory
on
the
governance
of
England
beautifully
frank
and
simple
Give
um
all
a
peerage
when
they
get
twenty
thousand
a
year
she
maintained
Thats
my
remedy
In
my
new
role
of
theoretical
aristocrat
I
felt
a
little
abashed
Twenty
thousand
she
repeated
with
conviction
It
occurred
to
me
that
I
was
in
the
presence
of
the
aristocratic
theory
currently
working
as
distinguished
from
my
as
yet
unformulated
intentions
Youll
get
a
lot
of
loafers
and
scamps
among
um
said
Lady
Forthundred
You
get
loafers
and
scamps
everywhere
but
youll
get
a
lot
of
men
wholl
work
hard
to
keep
things
together
and
thats
what
were
all
after
isnt
ut
Its
not
an
ideal
arrangement
Tell
me
anything
better
said
Lady
Forthundred
On
the
whole
and
because
she
refused
emphatically
to
believe
in
education
Lady
Forthundred
scored
We
had
been
discussing
Cossingtons
recent
peerage
for
Cossington
my
old
schoolfellow
at
City
Merchants
and
my
victor
in
the
affair
of
the
magazine
had
clambered
to
an
amazing
wealth
up
a
piled
heap
of
energetically
pushed
penny
and
halfpenny
magazines
and
a
group
of
daily
newspapers
I
had
expected
to
find
the
great
lady
hostile
to
the
new
comer
but
she
accepted
him
she
gloried
in
him
Were
a
peerage
she
said
but
none
of
us
have
ever
had
any
nonsense
about
nobility
She
turned
and
smiled
down
on
me
We
English
she
said
are
a
practical
people
We
assimilate
um
Then
I
suppose
they
dont
give
trouble
Then
they
dont
give
trouble
They
learn
to
shoot
And
all
that
said
Lady
Forthundred
Yes
And
things
go
on
Sometimes
better
than
others
but
they
go
on
somehow
It
depends
very
much
on
the
sort
of
butler
who
pokes
um
about
I
suggested
that
it
might
be
possible
to
get
a
secure
twenty
thousand
a
year
by
at
least
detrimental
methods
socially
speaking
We
must
take
the
bad
and
the
good
of
um
said
Lady
Forthundred
courageously
Now
was
she
a
sample
It
happened
she
talked
What
was
there
in
the
brains
of
the
multitude
of
her
first
second
third
fourth
and
fifth
cousins
who
didnt
talk
who
shone
tall
and
bearing
themselves
finely
against
a
background
of
deft
attentive
maids
and
valets
on
every
spacious
social
scene
How
did
things
look
to
them
7
Side
by
side
with
Lady
Forthundred
it
is
curious
to
put
Evesham
with
his
tall
bent
body
his
little
featured
almost
elvish
face
his
unequal
mild
brown
eyes
his
gentle
manner
his
sweet
amazing
oratory
He
led
all
these
people
wonderfully
He
was
always
curious
and
interested
about
life
wary
beneath
a
pleasing
frankness
and
I
tormented
my
brain
to
get
to
the
bottom
of
him
For
a
long
time
he
was
the
most
powerful
man
in
England
under
the
throne
he
had
the
Lords
in
his
hand
and
a
great
majority
in
the
Commons
and
the
discontents
and
intrigues
that
are
the
concomitants
of
an
overwhelming
party
advantage
broke
against
him
as
waves
break
against
a
cliff
He
foresaw
so
far
in
these
matters
that
it
seemed
he
scarcely
troubled
to
foresee
He
brought
political
art
to
the
last
triumph
of
naturalness
Always
for
me
he
has
been
the
typical
aristocrat
so
typical
and
above
the
mere
forms
of
aristocracy
that
he
remained
a
commoner
to
the
end
of
his
days
I
had
met
him
at
the
beginning
of
my
career
he
read
some
early
papers
of
mine
and
asked
to
see
me
and
I
conceived
a
flattered
liking
for
him
that
strengthened
to
a
very
strong
feeling
indeed
He
seemed
to
me
to
stand
alone
without
an
equal
the
greatest
man
in
British
political
life
Some
men
one
sees
through
and
understands
some
one
cannot
see
into
or
round
because
they
are
of
opaque
clay
but
about
Evesham
I
had
a
sense
of
things
hidden
as
it
were
by
depth
and
mists
because
he
was
so
big
and
atmospheric
a
personality
No
other
contemporary
has
had
that
effect
upon
me
Ive
sat
beside
him
at
dinners
stayed
in
houses
with
him
he
was
in
the
big
house
party
at
Champneys
talked
to
him
sounded
him
watching
him
as
I
sat
beside
him
I
could
talk
to
him
with
extraordinary
freedom
and
a
rare
sense
of
being
understood
Other
men
have
to
be
treated
in
a
special
manner
approached
through
their
own
mental
dialect
flattered
by
a
minute
regard
for
what
they
have
said
and
done
Evesham
was
as
widely
and
charitably
receptive
as
any
man
I
have
ever
met
The
common
politicians
beside
him
seemed
like
rows
of
stuffy
little
rooms
looking
out
upon
the
sea
And
what
was
he
up
to
What
did
HE
think
we
were
doing
with
Mankind
That
I
thought
worth
knowing
I
remember
his
talking
on
one
occasion
at
the
Hartsteins
at
a
dinner
so
tremendously
floriferous
and
equipped
that
we
were
almost
forced
into
duologues
about
the
possible
common
constructive
purpose
in
politics
I
feel
so
much
he
said
that
the
best
people
in
every
party
converge
We
dont
differ
at
Westminster
as
they
do
in
the
country
towns
Theres
a
sort
of
extending
common
policy
that
goes
on
under
every
government
because
on
the
whole
its
the
right
thing
to
do
and
people
know
it
Things
that
used
to
be
matters
of
opinion
become
matters
of
science
and
cease
to
be
party
questions
He
instanced
education
Apart
said
I
from
the
religious
question
Apart
from
the
religious
question
He
dropped
that
aspect
with
an
easy
grace
and
went
on
with
his
general
theme
that
political
conflict
was
the
outcome
of
uncertainty
Directly
you
get
a
thing
established
so
that
people
can
say
Now
this
is
Right
with
the
same
conviction
that
people
can
say
water
is
a
combination
of
oxygen
and
hydrogen
theres
no
more
to
be
said
The
thing
has
to
be
done
And
to
put
against
this
effect
of
Evesham
broad
and
humanely
tolerant
posing
as
the
minister
of
a
steadily
developing
constructive
conviction
there
are
other
memories
Have
I
not
seen
him
in
the
House
persistent
persuasive
indefatigable
and
by
all
my
standards
wickedly
perverse
leaning
over
the
table
with
those
insistent
movements
of
his
hand
upon
it
or
swaying
forward
with
a
grip
upon
his
coat
lapel
fighting
with
a
diabolical
skill
to
preserve
what
are
in
effect
religious
tests
tests
he
must
have
known
would
outrage
and
humiliate
and
injure
the
consciences
of
a
quarter
and
that
perhaps
the
best
quarter
of
the
youngsters
who
come
to
the
work
of
elementary
education
In
playing
for
points
in
the
game
of
party
advantage
Evesham
displayed
at
times
a
quite
wicked
unscrupulousness
in
the
use
of
his
subtle
mind
I
would
sit
on
the
Liberal
benches
and
watch
him
and
listen
to
his
urbane
voice
fascinated
by
him
Did
he
really
care
Did
anything
matter
to
him
And
if
it
really
mattered
nothing
why
did
he
trouble
to
serve
the
narrowness
and
passion
of
his
side
Or
did
he
see
far
beyond
my
scope
so
that
this
petty
iniquity
was
justified
by
greater
remoter
ends
of
which
I
had
no
intimation
They
accused
him
of
nepotism
His
friends
and
family
were
certainly
well
cared
for
In
private
life
he
was
full
of
an
affectionate
intimacy
he
pleased
by
being
charmed
and
pleased
One
might
think
at
times
there
was
no
more
of
him
than
a
clever
man
happily
circumstanced
and
finding
an
interest
and
occupation
in
politics
And
then
came
a
glimpse
of
thought
of
imagination
like
the
sight
of
a
soaring
eagle
through
a
staircase
skylight
Oh
beyond
question
he
was
great
No
other
contemporary
politician
had
his
quality
In
no
man
have
I
perceived
so
sympathetically
the
great
contrast
between
warm
personal
things
and
the
white
dream
of
statecraft
Except
that
he
had
it
seemed
no
hot
passions
but
only
interests
and
fine
affections
and
indolences
he
paralleled
the
conflict
of
my
life
He
saw
and
thought
widely
and
deeply
but
at
times
it
seemed
to
me
his
greatness
stood
over
and
behind
the
reality
of
his
life
like
some
splendid
servant
thinking
his
own
thoughts
who
waits
behind
a
lesser
masters
chair
8
Of
course
when
Evesham
talked
of
this
ideal
of
the
organised
state
becoming
so
finely
true
to
practicability
and
so
clearly
stated
as
to
have
the
compelling
conviction
of
physical
science
he
spoke
quite
after
my
heart
Had
he
really
embodied
the
attempt
to
realise
that
I
could
have
done
no
more
than
follow
him
blindly
But
neither
he
nor
I
embodied
that
and
there
lies
the
gist
of
my
story
And
when
it
came
to
a
study
of
others
among
the
leading
Tories
and
Imperialists
the
doubt
increased
until
with
some
at
last
it
was
possible
to
question
whether
they
had
any
imaginative
conception
of
constructive
statecraft
at
all
whether
they
didnt
opaquely
accept
the
world
for
what
it
was
and
set
themselves
single
mindedly
to
make
a
place
for
themselves
and
cut
a
figure
in
it
There
were
some
very
fine
personalities
among
them
there
were
the
great
peers
who
had
administered
Egypt
India
South
Africa
Framboya
Cromer
Kitchener
Curzon
Milner
Gane
for
example
So
far
as
that
easier
task
of
holding
sword
and
scales
had
gone
they
had
shown
the
finest
qualities
but
they
had
returned
to
the
perplexing
and
exacting
problem
of
the
home
country
a
little
glorious
a
little
too
simply
bold
They
wanted
to
arm
and
they
wanted
to
educate
but
the
habit
of
immediate
necessity
made
them
far
more
eager
to
arm
than
to
educate
and
their
experience
of
heterogeneous
controls
made
them
overrate
the
need
for
obedience
in
a
homogeneous
country
They
didnt
understand
raw
men
ill
trained
men
uncertain
minds
and
intelligent
women
and
these
are
the
things
that
matter
in
England
There
were
also
the
great
business
adventurers
from
Cranber
to
Cossington
who
was
now
Lord
Paddockhurst
My
mind
remained
unsettled
and
went
up
and
down
the
scale
between
a
belief
in
their
far
sighted
purpose
and
the
perception
of
crude
vanities
coarse
ambitions
vulgar
competitiveness
and
a
mere
habitual
persistence
in
the
pursuit
of
gain
For
a
time
I
saw
a
good
deal
of
Cossington
I
wish
I
had
kept
a
diary
of
his
talk
and
gestures
to
mark
how
he
could
vary
from
day
to
day
between
a
POSEUR
a
smart
tradesman
and
a
very
bold
and
wide
thinking
political
schemer
He
had
a
vanity
of
sweeping
actions
motor
car
pounces
Napoleonic
rushes
that
led
to
violent
ineffectual
changes
in
the
policy
of
his
papers
and
a
haunting
pursuit
by
parallel
columns
in
the
liberal
press
that
never
abashed
him
in
the
slightest
degree
By
an
accident
I
plumbed
the
folly
in
him
but
I
feel
I
never
plumbed
his
wisdom
I
remember
him
one
day
after
a
lunch
at
the
Barhams
saying
suddenly
out
of
profound
meditation
over
the
end
of
a
cigar
one
of
those
sentences
that
seem
to
light
the
whole
interior
being
of
a
man
Some
day
he
said
softly
rather
to
himself
than
to
me
and
A
PROPOS
of
nothing
some
day
I
will
raise
the
country
Why
not
I
said
after
a
pause
and
leant
across
him
for
the
little
silver
spirit
lamp
to
light
my
cigarette
Then
the
Tories
had
for
another
section
the
ancient
creations
and
again
there
were
the
financial
peers
men
accustomed
to
reserve
and
their
big
lawyers
accustomed
to
well
qualified
statement
And
below
the
giant
personalities
of
the
party
were
the
young
bloods
young
adventurous
men
of
the
type
of
Lord
Tarvrille
who
had
seen
service
in
South
Africa
who
had
travelled
and
hunted
explorers
keen
motorists
interested
in
aviation
active
in
army
organisation
Good
brown
faced
stuff
they
were
but
impervious
to
ideas
outside
the
range
of
their
activities
more
ignorant
of
science
than
their
chaffeurs
and
of
the
quality
of
English
people
than
welt
politicians
contemptuous
of
school
and
university
by
reason
of
the
Gateses
and
Flacks
and
Codgers
who
had
come
their
way
witty
light
hearted
patriotic
at
the
Kipling
level
with
a
certain
aptitude
for
bullying
They
varied
in
insensible
gradations
between
the
noble
sportsmen
on
the
one
hand
and
men
like
Gane
and
the
Tories
of
our
Pentagram
club
on
the
other
You
perceive
how
a
man
might
exercise
his
mind
in
the
attempt
to
strike
an
average
of
public
serviceability
in
this
miscellany
And
mixed
up
with
these
mixed
up
sometimes
in
the
same
man
was
the
pure
reactionary
whose
predominant
idea
was
that
the
village
schools
should
confine
themselves
to
teaching
the
catechism
hat
touching
and
courtesying
and
be
given
a
holiday
whenever
beaters
were
in
request
I
find
now
in
my
mind
as
a
sort
of
counterpoise
to
Evesham
the
figure
of
old
Lord
Wardingham
asleep
in
the
largest
armchair
in
the
library
of
Stamford
Court
after
lunch
One
foot
rested
on
one
of
those
things
I
think
they
are
called
gout
stools
He
had
been
playing
golf
all
the
morning
and
wearied
a
weak
instep
at
lunch
he
had
sat
at
my
table
and
talked
in
the
overbearing
manner
permitted
to
irascible
important
men
whose
insteps
are
painful
Among
other
things
he
had
flouted
the
idea
that
women
would
ever
understand
statecraft
or
be
more
than
a
nuisance
in
politics
denied
flatly
that
Hindoos
were
capable
of
anything
whatever
except
excesses
in
population
regretted
he
could
not
censor
picture
galleries
and
circulating
libraries
and
declared
that
dissenters
were
people
who
pretended
to
take
theology
seriously
with
the
express
purpose
of
upsetting
the
entirely
satisfactory
compromise
of
the
Established
Church
No
sensible
people
with
anything
to
gain
or
lose
argue
about
religion
he
said
They
mean
mischief
Having
delivered
his
soul
upon
these
points
and
silenced
the
little
conversation
to
the
left
of
him
from
which
they
had
arisen
he
became
after
an
appreciative
encounter
with
a
sanguinary
woodcock
more
amiable
responded
to
some
respectful
initiatives
of
Crupps
and
related
a
number
of
classical
anecdotes
of
those
blighting
snubs
vindictive
retorts
and
scandalous
miscarriages
of
justice
that
are
so
dear
to
the
forensic
mind
Now
he
reposed
He
was
breathing
heavily
with
his
mouth
a
little
open
and
his
head
on
one
side
One
whisker
was
turned
back
against
the
comfortable
padding
His
plump
strong
hands
gripped
the
arms
of
his
chair
and
his
frown
was
a
little
assuaged
How
tremendously
fed
up
he
looked
Honours
wealth
influence
respect
he
had
them
all
How
scornful
and
hard
it
had
made
his
unguarded
expression
I
note
without
comment
that
it
didnt
even
occur
to
me
then
to
wake
him
up
and
ask
him
what
HE
was
up
to
with
mankind
9
One
countervailing
influence
to
my
drift
to
Toryism
in
those
days
was
Margarets
quite
religious
faith
in
the
Liberals
I
realised
that
slowly
and
with
a
mild
astonishment
It
set
me
indeed
even
then
questioning
my
own
change
of
opinion
We
came
at
last
incidentally
as
our
way
was
to
an
exchange
of
views
It
was
as
nearly
a
quarrel
as
we
had
before
I
came
over
to
the
Conservative
side
It
was
at
Champneys
and
I
think
during
the
same
visit
that
witnessed
my
exploration
of
Lady
Forthundred
It
arose
indirectly
I
think
out
of
some
comments
of
mine
upon
our
fellow
guests
but
it
is
one
of
those
memories
of
which
the
scene
and
quality
remain
more
vivid
than
the
things
said
a
memory
without
any
very
definite
beginning
or
end
It
was
afternoon
in
the
pause
between
tea
and
the
dressing
bell
and
we
were
in
Margarets
big
silver
adorned
chintz
bright
room
looking
out
on
the
trim
Italian
garden
Yes
the
beginning
of
it
has
escaped
me
altogether
but
I
remember
it
as
an
odd
exceptional
little
wrangle
At
first
we
seem
to
have
split
upon
the
moral
quality
of
the
aristocracy
and
I
had
an
odd
sense
that
in
some
way
too
feminine
for
me
to
understand
our
hostess
had
aggrieved
her
She
said
I
know
that
Champneys
distressed
her
made
her
eager
for
work
and
reality
again
But
arent
these
people
real
Theyre
so
superficial
so
extravagant
I
said
I
was
not
shocked
by
their
unreality
They
seemed
the
least
affected
people
I
had
ever
met
And
are
they
really
so
extravagant
I
asked
and
put
it
to
her
that
her
dresses
cost
quite
as
much
as
any
other
womans
in
the
house
Its
not
only
their
dresses
Margaret
parried
Its
the
scale
and
spirit
of
things
I
questioned
that
Theyre
cynical
said
Margaret
staring
before
her
out
of
the
window
I
challenged
her
and
she
quoted
the
Brabants
about
whom
there
had
been
an
ancient
scandal
Shed
heard
of
it
from
Altiora
and
it
was
also
Altiora
whod
given
her
a
horror
of
Lord
Carnaby
who
was
also
with
us
You
know
his
reputation
said
Margaret
That
Normandy
girl
Every
one
knows
about
it
I
shiver
when
I
look
at
him
He
seems
oh
like
something
not
of
OUR
civilisation
He
WILL
come
and
say
little
things
to
me
Offensive
things
No
politenesses
and
things
Of
course
his
manners
are
quite
right
That
only
makes
it
worse
I
think
It
shows
he
might
have
helped
all
that
happened
I
do
all
I
can
to
make
him
see
I
dont
like
him
But
none
of
the
others
make
the
slightest
objection
to
him
Perhaps
these
people
imagine
something
might
be
said
for
him
Thats
just
it
said
Margaret
Charity
I
suggested
I
dont
like
that
sort
of
toleration
I
was
oddly
annoyed
Like
eating
with
publicans
and
sinners
I
said
No
But
scandals
and
the
contempt
for
rigid
standards
their
condonation
displayed
werent
more
than
the
sharp
edge
of
the
trouble
Its
their
whole
position
their
selfish
predominance
their
class
conspiracy
against
the
mass
of
people
said
Margaret
When
I
sit
at
dinner
in
that
splendid
room
with
its
glitter
and
white
reflections
and
candlelight
and
its
flowers
and
its
wonderful
service
and
its
candelabra
of
solid
gold
I
seem
to
feel
the
slums
and
the
mines
and
the
over
crowded
cottages
stuffed
away
under
the
table
I
reminded
Margaret
that
she
was
not
altogether
innocent
of
unearned
increment
But
arent
we
doing
our
best
to
give
it
back
she
said
I
was
moved
to
question
her
Do
you
really
think
I
asked
that
the
Tories
and
peers
and
rich
people
are
to
blame
for
social
injustice
as
we
have
it
to
day
Do
you
really
see
politics
as
a
struggle
of
light
on
the
Liberal
side
against
darkness
on
the
Tory
They
MUST
know
said
Margaret
I
found
myself
questioning
that
I
see
now
that
to
Margaret
it
must
have
seemed
the
perversest
carping
against
manifest
things
but
at
the
time
I
was
concentrated
simply
upon
the
elucidation
of
her
view
and
my
own
I
wanted
to
get
at
her
conception
in
the
sharpest
hardest
lines
that
were
possible
It
was
perfectly
clear
that
she
saw
Toryism
as
the
diabolical
element
in
affairs
The
thing
showed
in
its
hopeless
untruth
all
the
clearer
for
the
fine
clean
emotion
with
which
she
gave
it
out
to
me
My
sleeping
peer
in
the
library
at
Stamford
Court
and
Evesham
talking
luminously
behind
the
Hartstein
flowers
embodied
the
devil
and
my
replete
citizen
sucking
at
his
cigar
in
the
National
Liberal
Club
Willie
Crampton
discussing
the
care
and
management
of
the
stomach
over
a
specially
hygienic
lemonade
and
Dr
Tumpany
in
his
aggressive
frock
coat
pegging
out
a
sort
of
copyright
in
Socialism
were
the
centre
and
wings
of
the
angelic
side
It
was
nonsense
But
how
was
I
to
put
the
truth
to
her
I
dont
see
things
at
all
as
you
do
I
said
I
dont
see
things
in
the
same
way
Think
of
the
poor
said
Margaret
going
off
at
a
tangent
Think
of
every
one
I
said
We
Liberals
have
done
more
mischief
through
well
intentioned
benevolence
than
all
the
selfishness
in
the
world
could
have
done
We
built
up
the
liquor
interest
WE
cried
Margaret
How
can
you
say
that
Its
against
us
Naturally
But
we
made
it
a
monopoly
in
our
clumsy
efforts
to
prevent
people
drinking
what
they
liked
because
it
interfered
with
industrial
regularity
Oh
cried
Margaret
stung
and
I
could
see
she
thought
I
was
talking
mere
wickedness
Thats
it
I
said
But
would
you
have
people
drink
whatever
they
pleased
Certainly
What
right
have
I
to
dictate
to
other
men
and
women
But
think
of
the
children
Ah
there
you
have
the
folly
of
modern
Liberalism
its
half
cunning
half
silly
way
of
getting
at
everything
in
a
roundabout
fashion
If
neglecting
children
is
an
offence
and
it
IS
an
offence
then
deal
with
it
as
such
but
dont
go
badgering
and
restricting
people
who
sell
something
that
may
possibly
in
some
cases
lead
to
a
neglect
of
children
If
drunkenness
is
an
offence
punish
it
but
dont
punish
a
man
for
selling
honest
drink
that
perhaps
after
all
wont
make
any
one
drunk
at
all
Dont
intensify
the
viciousness
of
the
public
house
by
assuming
the
place
isnt
fit
for
women
and
children
Thats
either
spite
or
folly
Make
the
public
house
FIT
for
women
and
children
Make
it
a
real
public
house
If
we
Liberals
go
on
as
we
are
going
we
shall
presently
want
to
stop
the
sale
of
ink
and
paper
because
those
things
tempt
men
to
forgery
We
do
already
threaten
the
privacy
of
the
post
because
of
betting
touts
letters
The
drift
of
all
that
kind
of
thing
is
narrow
unimaginative
mischievous
stupid
I
stopped
short
and
walked
to
the
window
and
surveyed
a
pretty
fountain
facsimile
of
one
in
Verona
amidst
trim
cut
borderings
of
yew
Beyond
and
seen
between
the
stems
of
ilex
trees
was
a
great
blaze
of
yellow
flowers
But
prevention
I
heard
Margaret
behind
me
is
the
essence
of
our
work
I
turned
Theres
no
prevention
but
education
Theres
no
antiseptics
in
life
but
love
and
fine
thinking
Make
people
fine
make
fine
people
Dont
be
afraid
These
Tory
leaders
are
better
people
individually
than
the
average
why
cast
them
for
the
villains
of
the
piece
The
real
villain
in
the
piece
in
the
whole
human
drama
is
the
muddle
headedness
and
it
matters
very
little
if
its
virtuous
minded
or
wicked
I
want
to
get
at
muddle
headedness
If
I
could
do
that
I
could
let
all
that
you
call
wickedness
in
the
world
run
about
and
do
what
it
jolly
well
pleased
It
would
matter
about
as
much
as
a
slightly
neglected
dog
in
an
otherwise
well
managed
home
My
thoughts
had
run
away
with
me
I
cant
understand
you
said
Margaret
in
the
profoundest
distress
I
cant
understand
how
it
is
you
are
coming
to
see
things
like
this
10
The
moods
of
a
thinking
man
in
politics
are
curiously
evasive
and
difficult
to
describe
Neither
the
public
nor
the
historian
will
permit
the
statesman
moods
He
has
from
the
first
to
assume
he
has
an
Aim
a
definite
Aim
and
to
pretend
to
an
absolute
consistency
with
that
Those
subtle
questionings
about
the
very
fundamentals
of
life
which
plague
us
all
so
relentlessly
nowadays
are
supposed
to
be
silenced
He
lifts
his
chin
and
pursues
his
Aim
explicitly
in
the
sight
of
all
men
Those
who
have
no
real
political
experience
can
scarcely
imagine
the
immense
mental
and
moral
strain
there
is
between
ones
everyday
acts
and
utterances
on
the
one
hand
and
the
thinking
out
process
on
the
other
It
is
perplexingly
difficult
to
keep
in
your
mind
fixed
and
firm
a
scheme
essentially
complex
to
keep
balancing
a
swaying
possibility
while
at
the
same
time
under
jealous
hostile
and
stupid
observation
you
tread
your
part
in
the
platitudinous
quarrelsome
ill
presented
march
of
affairs
The
most
impossible
of
all
autobiographies
is
an
intellectual
autobiography
I
have
thrown
together
in
the
crudest
way
the
elements
of
the
problem
I
struggled
with
but
I
can
give
no
record
of
the
subtle
details
I
can
tell
nothing
of
the
long
vacillations
between
Protean
values
the
talks
and
re
talks
the
meditations
the
bleak
lucidities
of
sleepless
nights
And
yet
these
things
I
have
struggled
with
must
be
thought
out
and
to
begin
with
they
must
be
thought
out
in
this
muddled
experimenting
way
To
go
into
a
study
to
think
about
statecraft
is
to
turn
your
back
on
the
realities
you
are
constantly
needing
to
feel
and
test
and
sound
if
your
thinking
is
to
remain
vital
to
choose
an
aim
and
pursue
it
in
despite
of
all
subsequent
questionings
is
to
bury
the
talent
of
your
mind
It
is
no
use
dealing
with
the
intricate
as
though
it
were
simple
to
leap
haphazard
at
the
first
course
of
action
that
presents
itself
the
whole
world
of
politicians
is
far
too
like
a
man
who
snatches
a
poker
to
a
failing
watch
It
is
easy
to
say
he
wants
to
get
something
done
but
the
only
sane
thing
to
do
for
the
moment
is
to
put
aside
that
poker
and
take
thought
and
get
a
better
implement
One
of
the
results
of
these
fundamental
preoccupations
of
mine
was
a
curious
irritability
towards
Margaret
that
I
found
difficult
to
conceal
It
was
one
of
the
incidental
cruelties
of
our
position
that
this
should
happen
I
was
in
such
doubt
myself
that
I
had
no
power
to
phrase
things
for
her
in
a
form
she
could
use
Hitherto
I
had
stage
managed
our
serious
conversations
Now
I
was
too
much
in
earnest
and
too
uncertain
to
go
on
doing
this
I
avoided
talk
with
her
Her
serene
sustained
confidence
in
vague
formulae
and
sentimental
aspirations
exasperated
me
her
want
of
sympathetic
apprehension
made
my
few
efforts
to
indicate
my
changing
attitudes
distressing
and
futile
It
wasnt
that
I
was
always
thinking
right
and
that
she
was
always
saying
wrong
It
was
that
I
was
struggling
to
get
hold
of
a
difficult
thing
that
was
at
any
rate
half
true
I
could
not
gauge
how
true
and
that
Margarets
habitual
phrasing
ignored
these
elusive
elements
of
truth
and
without
premeditation
fitted
into
the
weaknesses
of
my
new
intimations
as
though
they
had
nothing
but
weaknesses
It
was
for
example
obvious
that
these
big
people
who
were
the
backbone
of
Imperialism
and
Conservatism
were
temperamentally
lax
much
more
indolent
much
more
sensuous
than
our
deliberately
virtuous
Young
Liberals
I
didnt
want
to
be
reminded
of
that
just
when
I
was
in
full
effort
to
realise
the
finer
elements
in
their
composition
Margaret
classed
them
and
disposed
of
them
It
was
our
incurable
differences
in
habits
and
gestures
of
thought
coming
between
us
again
The
desert
of
misunderstanding
widened
I
was
forced
back
upon
myself
and
my
own
secret
councils
For
a
time
I
went
my
way
alone
an
unmixed
evil
for
both
of
us
Except
for
that
Pentagram
evening
a
series
of
talks
with
Isabel
Rivers
who
was
now
becoming
more
and
more
important
in
my
intellectual
life
and
the
arguments
I
maintained
with
Crupp
I
never
really
opened
my
mind
at
all
during
that
period
of
indecisions
slow
abandonments
and
slow
acquisitions
CHAPTER
THE
THIRD
SECESSION
1
At
last
out
of
a
vast
accumulation
of
impressions
decision
distilled
quite
suddenly
I
succumbed
to
Evesham
and
that
dream
of
the
right
thing
triumphant
through
expression
I
determined
I
would
go
over
to
the
Conservatives
and
use
my
every
gift
and
power
on
the
side
of
such
forces
on
that
side
as
made
for
educational
reorganisation
scientific
research
literature
criticism
and
intellectual
development
That
was
in
1909
I
judged
the
Tories
were
driving
straight
at
a
conflict
with
the
country
and
I
thought
them
bound
to
incur
an
electoral
defeat
I
under
estimated
their
strength
in
the
counties
There
would
follow
I
calculated
a
period
of
profound
reconstruction
in
method
and
policy
alike
I
was
entirely
at
one
with
Crupp
in
perceiving
in
this
an
immense
opportunity
for
the
things
we
desired
An
aristocracy
quickened
by
conflict
and
on
the
defensive
and
full
of
the
idea
of
justification
by
reconstruction
might
prove
altogether
more
apt
for
thought
and
high
professions
than
Mrs
Redmondsons
spoilt
children
Behind
the
now
inevitable
struggle
for
a
reform
of
the
House
of
Lords
there
would
be
great
heart
searchings
and
educational
endeavour
On
that
we
reckoned
At
last
we
talked
it
out
to
the
practical
pitch
and
Crupp
and
Shoesmith
and
I
and
Gane
made
our
definite
agreement
together
I
emerged
from
enormous
silences
upon
Margaret
one
evening
She
was
just
back
from
the
display
of
some
new
musicians
at
the
Hartsteins
I
remember
she
wore
a
dress
of
golden
satin
very
rich
looking
and
splendid
About
her
slender
neck
there
was
a
rope
of
gold
set
amber
beads
Her
hair
caught
up
and
echoed
and
returned
these
golden
notes
I
too
was
in
evening
dress
but
where
I
had
been
escapes
me
some
forgotten
dinner
I
suppose
I
went
into
her
room
I
remember
I
didnt
speak
for
some
moments
I
went
across
to
the
window
and
pulled
the
blind
aside
and
looked
out
upon
the
railed
garden
of
the
square
with
its
shrubs
and
shadowed
turf
gleaming
pallidly
and
irregularly
in
the
light
of
the
big
electric
standard
in
the
corner
Margaret
I
said
I
think
I
shall
break
with
the
party
She
made
no
answer
I
turned
presently
a
movement
of
enquiry
I
was
afraid
you
meant
to
do
that
she
said
Im
out
of
touch
I
explained
Altogether
Oh
I
know
It
places
me
in
a
difficult
position
I
said
Margaret
stood
at
her
dressing
table
looking
steadfastly
at
herself
in
the
glass
and
with
her
fingers
playing
with
a
litter
of
stoppered
bottles
of
tinted
glass
I
was
afraid
it
was
coming
to
this
she
said
In
a
way
I
said
weve
been
allies
I
owe
my
seat
to
you
I
couldnt
have
gone
into
Parliament
I
dont
want
considerations
like
that
to
affect
us
she
interrupted
There
was
a
pause
She
sat
down
in
a
chair
by
her
dressing
table
lifted
an
ivory
hand
glass
and
put
it
down
again
I
wish
she
said
with
something
like
a
sob
in
her
voice
it
were
possible
that
you
shouldnt
do
this
She
stopped
abruptly
and
I
did
not
look
at
her
because
I
could
feel
the
effort
she
was
making
to
control
herself
I
thought
she
began
again
when
you
came
into
Parliament
There
came
another
silence
Its
all
gone
so
differently
she
said
Everything
has
gone
so
differently
I
had
a
sudden
memory
of
her
shining
triumphant
after
the
Kinghampstead
election
and
for
the
first
time
I
realised
just
how
perplexing
and
disappointing
my
subsequent
career
must
have
been
to
her
Im
not
doing
this
without
consideration
I
said
I
know
she
said
in
a
voice
of
despair
Ive
seen
it
coming
But
I
still
dont
understand
it
I
dont
understand
how
you
can
go
over
My
ideas
have
changed
and
developed
I
said
I
walked
across
to
her
bearskin
hearthrug
and
stood
by
the
mantel
To
think
that
you
she
said
you
who
might
have
been
leader
She
could
not
finish
it
All
the
forces
of
reaction
she
threw
out
I
dont
think
they
are
the
forces
of
reaction
I
said
I
think
I
can
find
work
to
do
better
work
on
that
side
Against
us
she
said
As
if
progress
wasnt
hard
enough
As
if
it
didnt
call
upon
every
able
man
I
dont
think
Liberalism
has
a
monopoly
of
progress
She
did
not
answer
that
She
sat
quite
still
looking
in
front
of
her
WHY
have
you
gone
over
she
asked
abruptly
as
though
I
had
said
nothing
There
came
a
silence
that
I
was
impelled
to
end
I
began
a
stiff
dissertation
from
the
hearthrug
I
am
going
over
because
I
think
I
may
join
in
an
intellectual
renascence
on
the
Conservative
side
I
think
that
in
the
coming
struggle
there
will
be
a
partial
and
altogether
confused
and
demoralising
victory
for
democracy
that
will
stir
the
classes
which
now
dominate
the
Conservative
party
into
an
energetic
revival
They
will
set
out
to
win
back
and
win
back
Even
if
my
estimate
of
con
temporary
forces
is
wrong
and
they
win
they
will
still
be
forced
to
reconstruct
their
outlook
A
war
abroad
will
supply
the
chastening
if
home
politics
fail
The
effort
at
renascence
is
bound
to
come
by
either
alternative
I
believe
I
can
do
more
in
relation
to
that
effort
than
in
any
other
connexion
in
the
world
of
politics
at
the
present
time
Thats
my
case
Margaret
She
certainly
did
not
grasp
what
I
said
And
so
you
will
throw
aside
all
the
beginnings
all
the
beliefs
and
pledges
Again
her
sentence
remained
incomplete
I
doubt
if
even
once
you
have
gone
over
they
will
welcome
you
That
hardly
matters
I
made
an
effort
to
resume
my
speech
I
came
into
Parliament
Margaret
I
said
a
little
prematurely
Still
I
suppose
it
was
only
by
coming
into
Parliament
that
I
could
see
things
as
I
do
now
in
terms
of
personality
and
imaginative
range
I
stopped
Her
stiff
unhappy
unlistening
silence
broke
up
my
disquisition
After
all
I
remarked
most
of
this
has
been
implicit
in
my
writings
She
made
no
sign
of
admission
What
are
you
going
to
do
she
asked
Keep
my
seat
for
a
time
and
make
the
reasons
of
my
breach
clear
Then
either
I
must
resign
or
probably
this
new
Budget
will
lead
to
a
General
Election
Its
evidently
meant
to
strain
the
Lords
and
provoke
a
quarrel
You
might
I
think
have
stayed
to
fight
for
the
Budget
Im
not
I
said
so
keen
against
the
Lords
On
that
we
halted
But
what
are
you
going
to
do
she
asked
I
shall
make
my
quarrel
over
some
points
in
the
Budget
I
cant
quite
tell
you
yet
where
my
chance
will
come
Then
I
shall
either
resign
my
seat
or
if
things
drift
to
dissolution
I
shall
stand
again
Its
political
suicide
Not
altogether
I
cant
imagine
you
out
of
Parliament
again
Its
just
like
like
undoing
all
we
have
done
What
will
you
do
Write
Make
a
new
more
definite
place
for
myself
You
know
of
course
theres
already
a
sort
of
group
about
Crupp
and
Gane
Margaret
seemed
lost
for
a
time
in
painful
thought
For
me
she
said
at
last
our
political
work
has
been
a
religion
it
has
been
more
than
a
religion
I
heard
in
silence
I
had
no
form
of
protest
available
against
the
implications
of
that
And
then
I
find
you
turning
against
all
we
aimed
to
do
talking
of
going
over
almost
lightly
to
those
others
She
was
white
lipped
as
she
spoke
In
the
most
curious
way
she
had
captured
the
moral
values
of
the
situation
I
found
myself
protesting
ineffectually
against
her
fixed
conviction
Its
because
I
think
my
duty
lies
in
this
change
that
I
make
it
I
said
I
dont
see
how
you
can
say
that
she
replied
quietly
There
was
another
pause
between
us
Oh
she
said
and
clenched
her
hand
upon
the
table
That
it
should
have
come
to
this
She
was
extraordinarily
dignified
and
extraordinarily
absurd
She
was
hurt
and
thwarted
beyond
measure
She
had
no
place
in
her
ideas
I
thought
for
me
I
could
see
how
it
appeared
to
her
but
I
could
not
make
her
see
anything
of
the
intricate
process
that
had
brought
me
to
this
divergence
The
opposition
of
our
intellectual
temperaments
was
like
a
gag
in
my
mouth
What
was
there
for
me
to
say
A
flash
of
intuition
told
me
that
behind
her
white
dignity
was
a
passionate
disappointment
a
shattering
of
dreams
that
needed
before
everything
else
the
relief
of
weeping
Ive
told
you
I
said
awkwardly
as
soon
as
I
could
There
was
another
long
silence
So
that
is
how
we
stand
I
said
with
an
air
of
having
things
defined
I
walked
slowly
to
the
door
She
had
risen
and
stood
now
staring
in
front
of
her
Good
night
I
said
making
no
movement
towards
our
habitual
kiss
Good
night
she
answered
in
a
tragic
note
I
closed
the
door
softly
I
remained
for
a
moment
or
so
on
the
big
landing
hesitating
between
my
bedroom
and
my
study
As
I
did
so
I
heard
the
soft
rustle
of
her
movement
and
the
click
of
the
key
in
her
bedroom
door
Then
everything
was
still
She
hid
her
tears
from
me
Something
gripped
my
heart
at
the
thought
Damnation
I
said
wincing
Why
the
devil
cant
people
at
least
THINK
in
the
same
manner
2
And
that
insufficient
colloquy
was
the
beginning
of
a
prolonged
estrangement
between
us
It
was
characteristic
of
our
relations
that
we
never
reopened
the
discussion
The
thing
had
been
in
the
air
for
some
time
we
had
recognised
it
now
the
widening
breach
between
us
was
confessed
My
own
feelings
were
curiously
divided
It
is
remarkable
that
my
very
real
affection
for
Margaret
only
became
evident
to
me
with
this
quarrel
The
changes
of
the
heart
are
very
subtle
changes
I
am
quite
unaware
how
or
when
my
early
romantic
love
for
her
purity
and
beauty
and
high
principled
devotion
evaporated
from
my
life
but
I
do
know
that
quite
early
in
my
parliamentary
days
there
had
come
a
vague
unconfessed
resentment
at
the
tie
that
seemed
to
hold
me
in
servitude
to
her
standards
of
private
living
and
public
act
I
felt
I
was
caught
and
none
the
less
so
because
it
had
been
my
own
act
to
rivet
on
my
shackles
So
long
as
I
still
held
myself
bound
to
her
that
resentment
grew
Now
since
I
had
broken
my
bonds
and
taken
my
line
it
withered
again
and
I
could
think
of
Margaret
with
a
returning
kindliness
But
I
still
felt
embarrassment
with
her
I
felt
myself
dependent
upon
her
for
house
room
and
food
and
social
support
as
it
were
under
false
pretences
I
would
have
liked
to
have
separated
our
financial
affairs
altogether
But
I
knew
that
to
raise
the
issue
would
have
seemed
a
last
brutal
indelicacy
So
I
tried
almost
furtively
to
keep
my
personal
expenditure
within
the
scope
of
the
private
income
I
made
by
writing
and
we
went
out
together
in
her
motor
brougham
dined
and
made
appearances
met
politely
at
breakfast
parted
at
night
with
a
kiss
upon
her
cheek
The
locking
of
her
door
upon
me
which
at
that
time
I
quite
understood
which
I
understand
now
became
for
a
time
in
my
mind
through
some
obscure
process
of
the
soul
an
offence
I
never
crossed
the
landing
to
her
room
again
In
all
this
matter
and
indeed
in
all
my
relations
with
Margaret
I
perceive
now
I
behaved
badly
and
foolishly
My
manifest
blunder
is
that
I
who
was
several
years
older
than
she
much
subtler
and
in
many
ways
wiser
never
in
any
measure
sought
to
guide
and
control
her
After
our
marriage
I
treated
her
always
as
an
equal
and
let
her
go
her
way
held
her
responsible
for
all
the
weak
and
ineffective
and
unfortunate
things
she
said
and
did
to
me
She
wasnt
clever
enough
to
justify
that
It
wasnt
fair
to
expect
her
to
sympathise
anticipate
and
understand
I
ought
to
have
taken
care
of
her
roped
her
to
me
when
it
came
to
crossing
the
difficult
places
If
I
had
loved
her
more
and
wiselier
and
more
tenderly
if
there
had
not
been
the
consciousness
of
my
financial
dependence
on
her
always
stiffening
my
pride
I
think
she
would
have
moved
with
me
from
the
outset
and
left
the
Liberals
with
me
But
she
did
not
get
any
inkling
of
the
ends
I
sought
in
my
change
of
sides
It
must
have
seemed
to
her
inexplicable
perversity
She
had
I
knew
for
surely
I
knew
it
then
an
immense
capacity
for
loyalty
and
devotion
There
she
was
with
these
treasures
untouched
neglected
and
perplexed
A
woman
who
loves
wants
to
give
It
is
the
duty
and
business
of
the
man
she
has
married
for
love
to
help
her
to
help
and
give
But
I
was
stupid
My
eyes
had
never
been
opened
I
was
stiff
with
her
and
difficult
to
her
because
even
on
my
wedding
morning
there
had
been
deep
down
in
my
soul
voiceless
though
present
something
weakly
protesting
a
faint
perception
of
wrong
doing
the
infinitesimally
small
slow
multiplying
germs
of
shame
3
I
made
my
breach
with
the
party
on
the
Budget
In
many
ways
I
was
disposed
to
regard
the
1909
Budget
as
a
fine
piece
of
statecraft
Its
production
was
certainly
a
very
unexpected
display
of
vigour
on
the
Liberal
side
But
on
the
whole
this
movement
towards
collectivist
organisation
on
the
part
of
the
Liberals
rather
strengthened
than
weakened
my
resolve
to
cross
the
floor
of
the
house
It
made
it
more
necessary
I
thought
to
leaven
the
purely
obstructive
and
reactionary
elements
that
were
at
once
manifest
in
the
opposition
I
assailed
the
land
taxation
proposals
in
one
main
speech
and
a
series
of
minor
speeches
in
committee
The
line
of
attack
I
chose
was
that
the
land
was
a
great
public
service
that
needed
to
be
controlled
on
broad
and
far
sighted
lines
I
had
no
objection
to
its
nationalisation
but
I
did
object
most
strenuously
to
the
idea
of
leaving
it
in
private
hands
and
attempting
to
produce
beneficial
social
results
through
the
pressure
of
taxation
upon
the
land
owning
class
That
might
break
it
up
in
an
utterly
disastrous
way
The
drift
of
the
government
proposals
was
all
in
the
direction
of
sweating
the
landowner
to
get
immediate
values
from
his
property
and
such
a
course
of
action
was
bound
to
give
us
an
irritated
and
vindictive
land
owning
class
the
class
upon
which
we
had
hitherto
relied
not
unjustifiably
for
certain
broad
patriotic
services
and
an
influence
upon
our
collective
judgments
that
no
other
class
seemed
prepared
to
exercise
Abolish
landlordism
if
you
will
I
said
buy
it
out
but
do
not
drive
it
to
a
defensive
fight
and
leave
it
still
sufficiently
strong
and
wealthy
to
become
a
malcontent
element
in
your
state
You
have
taxed
and
controlled
the
brewer
and
the
publican
until
the
outraged
Liquor
Interest
has
become
a
national
danger
You
now
propose
to
do
the
same
thing
on
a
larger
scale
You
turn
a
class
which
has
many
fine
and
truly
aristocratic
traditions
towards
revolt
and
there
is
nothing
in
these
or
any
other
of
your
proposals
that
shows
any
sense
of
the
need
for
leadership
to
replace
these
traditional
leaders
you
are
ousting
This
was
the
substance
of
my
case
and
I
hammered
at
it
not
only
in
the
House
but
in
the
press
The
Kinghampstead
division
remained
for
some
time
insensitive
to
my
defection
Then
it
woke
up
suddenly
and
began
in
the
columns
of
the
KINGSHAMPSTEAD
GUARDIAN
an
indignant
confused
outcry
I
was
treated
to
an
open
letter
signed
Junius
Secundus
and
I
replied
in
provocative
terms
There
were
two
thinly
attended
public
meetings
at
different
ends
of
the
constituency
and
then
I
had
a
correspondence
with
my
old
friend
Parvill
the
photographer
which
ended
in
my
seeing
a
deputation
My
impression
is
that
it
consisted
of
about
eighteen
or
twenty
people
They
had
had
to
come
upstairs
to
me
and
they
were
manifestly
full
of
indignation
and
a
little
short
of
breath
There
was
Parvill
himself
JP
dressed
wholly
in
black
I
think
to
mark
his
sense
of
the
occasion
and
curiously
suggestive
in
his
respect
for
my
character
and
his
concern
for
the
honourableness
of
the
KINGHAMPSTEAD
GUARDIAN
editor
of
Mark
Antony
at
the
funeral
of
Cesar
There
was
Mrs
Bulger
also
in
mourning
she
had
never
abandoned
the
widows
streamers
since
the
death
of
her
husband
ten
years
ago
and
her
loyalty
to
Liberalism
of
the
severest
type
was
part
as
it
were
of
her
weeds
There
was
a
nephew
of
Sir
Roderick
Newton
a
bright
young
Hebrew
of
the
graver
type
and
a
couple
of
dissenting
ministers
in
high
collars
and
hats
that
stopped
halfway
between
the
bowler
of
this
world
and
the
shovel
hat
of
heaven
There
was
also
a
young
solicitor
from
Lurky
done
in
the
horsey
style
and
there
was
a
very
little
nervous
man
with
a
high
brow
and
a
face
contracting
below
as
though
the
jawbones
and
teeth
had
been
taken
out
and
the
features
compressed
The
rest
of
the
deputation
which
included
two
other
public
spirited
ladies
and
several
ministers
of
religion
might
have
been
raked
out
of
any
omnibus
going
Strandward
during
the
May
meetings
They
thrust
Parvill
forward
as
spokesman
and
manifested
a
strong
disposition
to
say
Hear
hear
to
his
more
strenuous
protests
provided
my
eye
wasnt
upon
them
at
the
time
I
regarded
this
appalling
deputation
as
Parvills
apologetic
but
quite
definite
utterances
drew
to
an
end
I
had
a
moment
of
vision
Behind
them
I
saw
the
wonderful
array
of
skeleton
forces
that
stand
for
public
opinion
that
are
as
much
public
opinion
as
exists
indeed
at
the
present
time
The
whole
process
of
politics
which
bulks
so
solidly
in
history
seemed
for
that
clairvoyant
instant
but
a
froth
of
petty
motives
above
abysms
of
indifference
Some
one
had
finished
I
perceived
I
had
to
speak
Very
well
I
said
I
wont
keep
you
long
in
replying
Ill
resign
if
there
isnt
a
dissolution
before
next
February
and
if
there
is
I
shant
stand
again
You
dont
want
the
bother
and
expense
of
a
bye
election
approving
murmurs
if
it
can
be
avoided
But
I
may
tell
you
plainly
now
that
I
dont
think
it
will
be
necessary
for
me
to
resign
and
the
sooner
you
find
my
successor
the
better
for
the
party
The
Lords
are
in
a
corner
theyve
got
to
fight
now
or
never
and
I
think
they
will
throw
out
the
Budget
Then
they
will
go
on
fighting
It
is
a
fight
that
will
last
for
years
They
have
a
sort
of
social
discipline
and
you
havent
You
Liberals
will
find
yourselves
with
a
country
behind
you
vaguely
indignant
perhaps
but
totally
unprepared
with
any
ideas
whatever
in
the
matter
face
to
face
with
the
problem
of
bringing
the
British
constitution
up
to
date
Anything
may
happen
provided
only
that
it
is
sufficiently
absurd
If
the
King
backs
the
Lords
and
I
dont
see
why
he
shouldnt
you
have
no
Republican
movement
whatever
to
fall
back
upon
You
lost
it
during
the
Era
of
Good
Taste
The
country
I
say
is
destitute
of
ideas
and
you
have
no
ideas
to
give
it
I
dont
see
what
you
will
do
For
my
own
part
I
mean
to
spend
a
year
or
so
between
a
window
and
my
writingdesk
I
paused
I
think
gentlemen
began
Parvill
that
we
hear
all
this
with
very
great
regret
4
My
estrangement
from
Margaret
stands
in
my
memory
now
as
something
that
played
itself
out
within
the
four
walls
of
our
house
in
Radnor
Square
which
was
indeed
confined
to
those
limits
I
went
to
and
fro
between
my
house
and
the
House
of
Commons
and
the
dining
rooms
and
clubs
and
offices
in
which
we
were
preparing
our
new
developments
in
a
state
of
aggressive
and
energetic
dissociation
in
the
nascent
state
as
a
chemist
would
say
I
was
free
now
and
greedy
for
fresh
combination
I
had
a
tremendous
sense
of
released
energies
I
had
got
back
to
the
sort
of
thing
I
could
do
and
to
the
work
that
had
been
shaping
itself
for
so
long
in
my
imagination
Our
purpose
now
was
plain
bold
and
extraordinarily
congenial
We
meant
no
less
than
to
organise
a
new
movement
in
English
thought
and
life
to
resuscitate
a
Public
Opinion
and
prepare
the
ground
for
a
revised
and
renovated
ruling
culture
For
a
time
I
seemed
quite
wonderfully
able
to
do
whatever
I
wanted
to
do
Shoesmith
responded
to
my
first
advances
We
decided
to
create
a
weekly
paper
as
our
nucleus
and
Crupp
and
I
set
to
work
forthwith
to
collect
a
group
of
writers
and
speakers
including
Esmeer
Britten
Lord
Gane
Neal
and
one
or
two
younger
men
which
should
constitute
a
more
or
less
definite
editorial
council
about
me
and
meet
at
a
weekly
lunch
on
Tuesday
to
sustain
our
general
co
operations
We
marked
our
claim
upon
Toryism
even
in
the
colour
of
our
wrapper
and
spoke
of
ourselves
collectively
as
the
Blue
Weeklies
But
our
lunches
were
open
to
all
sorts
of
guests
and
our
deliberations
were
never
of
a
character
to
control
me
effectively
in
my
editorial
decisions
My
only
influential
councillor
at
first
was
old
Britten
who
became
my
sub
editor
It
was
curious
how
we
two
had
picked
up
our
ancient
intimacy
again
and
resumed
the
easy
give
and
take
of
our
speculative
dreaming
schoolboy
days
For
a
time
my
life
centred
altogether
upon
this
journalistic
work
Britten
was
an
experienced
journalist
and
I
had
most
of
the
necessary
instincts
for
the
business
We
meant
to
make
the
paper
right
and
good
down
to
the
smallest
detail
and
we
set
ourselves
at
this
with
extraordinary
zeal
It
wasnt
our
intention
to
show
our
political
motives
too
markedly
at
first
and
through
all
the
dust
storm
and
tumult
and
stress
of
the
political
struggle
of
1910
we
made
a
little
intellectual
oasis
of
good
art
criticism
and
good
writing
It
was
the
firm
belief
of
nearly
all
of
us
that
the
Lords
were
destined
to
be
beaten
badly
in
1910
and
our
game
was
the
longer
game
of
reconstruction
that
would
begin
when
the
shouting
and
tumult
of
that
immediate
conflict
were
over
Meanwhile
we
had
to
get
into
touch
with
just
as
many
good
minds
as
possible
As
we
felt
our
feet
I
developed
slowly
and
carefully
a
broadly
conceived
and
consistent
political
attitude
As
I
will
explain
later
we
were
feminist
from
the
outset
though
that
caused
Shoesmith
and
Gane
great
searching
of
heart
we
developed
Esmeers
House
of
Lords
reform
scheme
into
a
general
cult
of
the
aristocratic
virtues
and
we
did
much
to
humanise
and
liberalise
the
narrow
excellencies
of
that
Break
up
of
the
Poor
Law
agitation
which
had
been
organised
originally
by
Beatrice
and
Sidney
Webb
In
addition
without
any
very
definite
explanation
to
any
one
but
Esmeer
and
Isabel
Rivers
and
as
if
it
was
quite
a
small
matter
I
set
myself
to
secure
a
uniform
philosophical
quality
in
our
columns
That
indeed
was
the
peculiar
virtue
and
characteristic
of
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
I
was
now
very
definitely
convinced
that
much
of
the
confusion
and
futility
of
contemporary
thought
was
due
to
the
general
need
of
metaphysical
training
The
great
mass
of
people
and
not
simply
common
people
but
people
active
and
influential
in
intellectual
things
are
still
quite
untrained
in
the
methods
of
thought
and
absolutely
innocent
of
any
criticism
of
method
it
is
scarcely
a
caricature
to
call
their
thinking
a
crazy
patchwork
discontinuous
and
chaotic
They
arrive
at
conclusions
by
a
kind
of
accident
and
do
not
suspect
any
other
way
may
be
found
to
their
attainment
A
stage
above
this
general
condition
stands
that
minority
of
people
who
have
at
some
time
or
other
discovered
general
terms
and
a
certain
use
for
generalisations
They
are
to
fall
back
on
the
ancient
technicality
Realists
of
a
crude
sort
When
I
say
Realist
of
course
I
mean
Realist
as
opposed
to
Nominalist
and
not
Realist
in
the
almost
diametrically
different
sense
of
opposition
to
Idealist
Such
are
the
Baileys
such
to
take
their
great
prototype
was
Herbert
Spencer
who
couldnt
read
Kant
such
are
whole
regiments
of
prominent
and
entirely
self
satisfied
contemporaries
They
go
through
queer
little
processes
of
definition
and
generalisation
and
deduction
with
the
completest
belief
in
the
validity
of
the
intellectual
instrument
they
are
using
They
are
Realists
Cocksurists
in
matter
of
fact
sentimentalists
in
behaviour
The
Baileys
having
got
to
this
glorious
stage
in
mental
development
it
is
glorious
because
it
has
no
doubts
were
always
talking
about
training
Experts
to
apply
the
same
simple
process
to
all
the
affairs
of
mankind
Well
Realism
isnt
the
last
word
of
human
wisdom
Modest
minded
people
doubtful
people
subtle
people
and
the
like
the
kind
of
people
William
James
writes
of
as
tough
minded
go
on
beyond
this
methodical
happiness
and
are
forever
after
critical
of
premises
and
terms
They
are
truer
and
less
confident
They
have
reached
scepticism
and
the
artistic
method
They
have
emerged
into
the
new
Nominalism
Both
Isabel
and
I
believe
firmly
that
these
differences
of
intellectual
method
matter
profoundly
in
the
affairs
of
mankind
that
the
collective
mind
of
this
intricate
complex
modern
state
can
only
function
properly
upon
neo
Nominalist
lines
This
has
always
been
her
side
of
our
mental
co
operation
rather
than
mine
Her
mind
has
the
light
movement
that
goes
so
often
with
natural
mental
power
she
has
a
wonderful
art
in
illustration
and
as
the
reader
probably
knows
already
she
writes
of
metaphysical
matters
with
a
rare
charm
and
vividness
So
far
there
has
been
no
collection
of
her
papers
published
but
they
are
to
be
found
not
only
in
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
columns
but
scattered
about
the
monthlies
many
people
must
be
familiar
with
her
style
It
was
an
intention
we
did
much
to
realise
before
our
private
downfall
that
we
would
use
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
to
maintain
a
stream
of
suggestion
against
crude
thinking
and
at
last
scarcely
a
week
passed
but
some
popular
distinction
some
large
imposing
generalisation
was
touched
to
flaccidity
by
her
pen
or
mine
I
was
at
great
pains
to
give
my
philosophical
political
and
social
matter
the
best
literary
and
critical
backing
we
could
get
in
London
I
hunted
sedulously
for
good
descriptive
writing
and
good
criticism
I
was
indefatigable
in
my
readiness
to
hear
and
consider
if
not
to
accept
advice
I
watched
every
corner
of
the
paper
and
had
a
dozen
men
alert
to
get
me
special
matter
of
the
sort
that
draws
in
the
unattached
reader
The
chief
danger
on
the
literary
side
of
a
weekly
is
that
it
should
fall
into
the
hands
of
some
particular
school
and
this
I
watched
for
closely
It
seems
impossible
to
get
vividness
of
apprehension
and
breadth
of
view
together
in
the
same
critic
So
it
falls
to
the
wise
editor
to
secure
the
first
and
impose
the
second
Directly
I
detected
the
shrill
partisan
note
in
our
criticism
the
attempt
to
puff
a
poor
thing
because
it
was
in
the
right
direction
or
damn
a
vigorous
piece
of
work
because
it
wasnt
I
tackled
the
man
and
had
it
out
with
him
Our
pay
was
good
enough
for
that
to
matter
a
good
deal
Our
distinctive
little
blue
and
white
poster
kept
up
its
neat
persistent
appeal
to
the
public
eye
and
before
1911
was
out
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
was
printing
twenty
pages
of
publishers
advertisements
and
went
into
all
the
clubs
in
London
and
three
quarters
of
the
country
houses
where
week
end
parties
gather
together
Its
sale
by
newsagents
and
bookstalls
grew
steadily
One
got
more
and
more
the
reassuring
sense
of
being
discussed
and
influencing
discussion
5
Our
office
was
at
the
very
top
of
a
big
building
near
the
end
of
Adelphi
Terrace
the
main
window
beside
my
desk
a
big
undivided
window
of
plate
glass
looked
out
upon
Cleopatras
Needle
the
corner
of
the
Hotel
Cecil
the
fine
arches
of
Waterloo
Bridge
and
the
long
sweep
of
south
bank
with
its
shot
towers
and
chimneys
past
Bankside
to
the
dimly
seen
piers
of
the
great
bridge
below
the
Tower
The
dome
of
St
Pauls
just
floated
into
view
on
the
left
against
the
hotel
facade
By
night
and
day
in
every
light
and
atmosphere
it
was
a
beautiful
and
various
view
alive
as
a
throbbing
heart
a
perpetual
flow
of
traffic
ploughed
and
splashed
the
streaming
silver
of
the
river
and
by
night
the
shapes
of
things
became
velvet
black
and
grey
and
the
water
a
shining
mirror
of
steel
wearing
coruscating
gems
of
light
In
the
foreground
the
Embankment
trams
sailed
glowing
by
across
the
water
advertisements
flashed
and
flickered
trains
went
and
came
and
a
rolling
drift
of
smoke
reflected
unseen
fires
By
day
that
spectacle
was
sometimes
a
marvel
of
shining
wet
and
wind
cleared
atmosphere
sometimes
a
mystery
of
drifting
fog
sometimes
a
miracle
of
crowded
details
minutely
fine
As
I
think
of
that
view
so
variously
spacious
in
effect
I
am
back
there
and
this
sunlit
paper
might
be
lamp
lit
and
lying
on
my
old
desk
I
see
it
all
again
feel
it
all
again
In
the
foreground
is
a
green
shaded
lamp
and
crumpled
galley
slips
and
paged
proofs
and
letters
two
or
three
papers
in
manuscript
and
so
forth
In
the
shadows
are
chairs
and
another
table
bearing
papers
and
books
a
rotating
bookcase
dimly
seen
a
long
window
seat
black
in
the
darkness
and
then
the
cool
unbroken
spectacle
of
the
window
How
often
I
would
watch
some
tram
car
some
string
of
barges
go
from
me
slowly
out
of
sight
The
people
were
black
animalculae
by
day
clustering
collecting
dispersing
by
night
they
were
phantom
face
specks
coming
vanishing
stirring
obscurely
between
light
and
shade
I
recall
many
hours
at
my
desk
in
that
room
before
the
crisis
came
hours
full
of
the
peculiar
happiness
of
effective
strenuous
work
Once
some
piece
of
writing
went
on
holding
me
intent
and
forgetful
of
time
until
I
looked
up
from
the
warm
circle
of
my
electric
lamp
to
see
the
eastward
sky
above
the
pale
silhouette
of
the
Tower
Bridge
flushed
and
banded
brightly
with
the
dawn
CHAPTER
THE
FOURTH
THE
BESETTING
OF
SEX
1
Art
is
selection
and
so
is
most
autobiography
But
I
am
concerned
with
a
more
tangled
business
than
selection
I
want
to
show
a
contemporary
man
in
relation
to
the
state
and
social
usage
and
the
social
organism
in
relation
to
that
man
To
tell
my
story
at
all
I
have
to
simplify
I
have
given
now
the
broad
lines
of
my
political
development
and
how
I
passed
from
my
initial
liberal
socialism
to
the
conception
of
a
constructive
aristocracy
I
have
tried
to
set
that
out
in
the
form
of
a
man
discovering
himself
Incidentally
that
self
development
led
to
a
profound
breach
with
my
wife
One
has
read
stories
before
of
husband
and
wife
speaking
severally
two
different
languages
and
coming
to
an
understanding
But
Margaret
and
I
began
in
her
dialect
and
as
I
came
more
and
more
to
use
my
own
diverged
I
had
thought
when
I
married
that
the
matter
of
womankind
had
ended
for
me
I
have
tried
to
tell
all
that
sex
and
women
had
been
to
me
up
to
my
married
life
with
Margaret
and
our
fatal
entanglement
tried
to
show
the
queer
crippled
embarrassed
and
limited
way
in
which
these
interests
break
upon
the
life
of
a
young
man
under
contemporary
conditions
I
do
not
think
my
lot
was
a
very
exceptional
one
I
missed
the
chance
of
sisters
and
girl
playmates
but
that
is
not
an
uncommon
misadventure
in
an
age
of
small
families
I
never
came
to
know
any
woman
at
all
intimately
until
I
was
married
to
Margaret
My
earlier
love
affairs
were
encounters
of
sex
under
conditions
of
furtiveness
and
adventure
that
made
them
things
in
themselves
restricted
and
unilluminating
From
a
boyish
disposition
to
be
mystical
and
worshipping
towards
women
I
had
passed
into
a
disregardful
attitude
as
though
women
were
things
inferior
or
irrelevant
disturbers
in
great
affairs
For
a
time
Margaret
had
blotted
out
all
other
women
she
was
so
different
and
so
near
she
was
like
a
person
who
stands
suddenly
in
front
of
a
little
window
through
which
one
has
been
surveying
a
crowd
She
didnt
become
womankind
for
me
so
much
as
eliminate
womankind
from
my
world
And
then
came
this
secret
separation
Until
this
estrangement
and
the
rapid
and
uncontrollable
development
of
my
relations
with
Isabel
which
chanced
to
follow
it
I
seemed
to
have
solved
the
problem
of
women
by
marriage
and
disregard
I
thought
these
things
were
over
I
went
about
my
career
with
Margaret
beside
me
her
brow
slightly
knit
her
manner
faintly
strenuous
helping
helping
and
if
we
had
not
altogether
abolished
sex
we
had
at
least
so
circumscribed
and
isolated
it
that
it
would
not
have
affected
the
general
tenor
of
our
lives
in
the
slightest
degree
if
we
had
And
then
clothing
itself
more
and
more
in
the
form
of
Isabel
and
her
problems
this
old
this
fundamental
obsession
of
my
life
returned
The
thing
stole
upon
my
mind
so
that
I
was
unaware
of
its
invasion
and
how
it
was
changing
our
long
intimacy
I
have
already
compared
the
lot
of
the
modern
publicist
to
Machiavelli
writing
in
his
study
in
his
day
women
and
sex
were
as
disregarded
in
these
high
affairs
as
let
us
say
the
chemistry
of
air
or
the
will
of
the
beasts
in
the
fields
in
ours
the
case
has
altogether
changed
and
woman
has
come
now
to
stand
beside
the
tall
candles
half
in
the
light
half
in
the
mystery
of
the
shadows
besetting
interrupting
demanding
unrelentingly
an
altogether
unprecedented
attention
I
feel
that
in
these
matters
my
life
has
been
almost
typical
of
my
time
Woman
insists
upon
her
presence
She
is
no
longer
a
mere
physical
need
an
aesthetic
bye
play
a
sentimental
background
she
is
a
moral
and
intellectual
necessity
in
a
mans
life
She
comes
to
the
politician
and
demands
Is
she
a
child
or
a
citizen
Is
she
a
thing
or
a
soul
She
comes
to
the
individual
man
as
she
came
to
me
and
asks
Is
she
a
cherished
weakling
or
an
equal
mate
an
unavoidable
helper
Is
she
to
be
tried
and
trusted
or
guarded
and
controlled
bond
or
free
For
if
she
is
a
mate
one
must
at
once
trust
more
and
exact
more
exacting
toil
courage
and
the
hardest
most
necessary
thing
of
all
the
clearest
most
shameless
explicitness
of
understanding
2
In
all
my
earlier
imaginings
of
statecraft
I
had
tacitly
assumed
either
that
the
relations
of
the
sexes
were
all
right
or
that
anyhow
they
didnt
concern
the
state
It
was
a
matter
they
whoever
they
were
had
to
settle
among
themselves
That
sort
of
disregard
was
possible
then
But
even
before
1906
there
were
endless
intimations
that
the
dams
holding
back
great
reservoirs
of
discussion
were
crumbling
We
political
schemers
were
ploughing
wider
than
any
one
had
ploughed
before
in
the
field
of
social
reconstruction
We
had
also
we
realised
to
plough
deeper
We
had
to
plough
down
at
last
to
the
passionate
elements
of
sexual
relationship
and
examine
and
decide
upon
them
The
signs
multiplied
In
a
year
or
so
half
the
police
of
the
metropolis
were
scarce
sufficient
to
protect
the
House
from
one
clamorous
aspect
of
the
new
problem
The
members
went
about
Westminster
with
an
odd
new
sense
of
being
beset
A
good
proportion
of
us
kept
up
the
pretence
that
the
Vote
for
Women
was
an
isolated
fad
and
the
agitation
an
epidemic
madness
that
would
presently
pass
But
it
was
manifest
to
any
one
who
sought
more
than
comfort
in
the
matter
that
the
streams
of
women
and
sympathisers
and
money
forthcoming
marked
far
deeper
and
wider
things
than
an
idle
fancy
for
the
franchise
The
existing
laws
and
conventions
of
relationship
between
Man
and
Woman
were
just
as
unsatisfactory
a
disorder
as
anything
else
in
our
tumbled
confusion
of
a
world
and
that
also
was
coming
to
bear
upon
statecraft
My
first
parliament
was
the
parliament
of
the
Suffragettes
I
dont
propose
to
tell
here
of
that
amazing
campaign
with
its
absurdities
and
follies
its
courage
and
devotion
There
were
aspects
of
that
unquenchable
agitation
that
were
absolutely
heroic
and
aspects
that
were
absolutely
pitiful
It
was
unreasonable
unwise
and
except
for
its
one
central
insistence
astonishingly
incoherent
It
was
amazingly
effective
The
very
incoherence
of
the
demand
witnessed
I
think
to
the
forces
that
lay
behind
it
It
wasnt
a
simple
argument
based
on
a
simple
assumption
it
was
the
first
crude
expression
of
a
great
mass
and
mingling
of
convergent
feelings
of
a
widespread
confused
persuasion
among
modern
educated
women
that
the
conditions
of
their
relations
with
men
were
oppressive
ugly
dishonouring
and
had
to
be
altered
They
had
not
merely
adopted
the
Vote
as
a
symbol
of
equality
it
was
fairly
manifest
to
me
that
given
it
they
meant
to
use
it
and
to
use
it
perhaps
even
vindictively
and
blindly
as
a
weapon
against
many
things
they
had
every
reason
to
hate
I
remember
with
exceptional
vividness
that
great
night
early
in
the
session
of
1909
when
I
think
it
was
fifty
or
sixty
women
went
to
prison
I
had
been
dining
at
the
Barhams
and
Lord
Barham
and
I
came
down
from
the
direction
of
St
Jamess
Park
into
a
crowd
and
a
confusion
outside
the
Caxton
Hall
We
found
ourselves
drifting
with
an
immense
multitude
towards
Parliament
Square
and
parallel
with
a
silent
close
packed
column
of
girls
and
women
for
the
most
part
white
faced
and
intent
I
still
remember
the
effect
of
their
faces
upon
me
It
was
quite
different
from
the
general
effect
of
staring
about
and
divided
attention
one
gets
in
a
political
procession
of
men
There
was
an
expression
of
heroic
tension
There
had
been
a
pretty
deliberate
appeal
on
the
part
of
the
womens
organisers
to
the
Unemployed
who
had
been
demonstrating
throughout
that
winter
to
join
forces
with
the
movement
and
the
result
was
shown
in
the
quality
of
the
crowd
upon
the
pavement
It
was
an
ugly
dangerous
looking
crowd
but
as
yet
good
tempered
and
sympathetic
When
at
last
we
got
within
sight
of
the
House
the
square
was
a
seething
seat
of
excited
people
and
the
array
of
police
on
horse
and
on
foot
might
have
been
assembled
for
a
revolutionary
outbreak
There
were
dense
masses
of
people
up
Whitehall
and
right
on
to
Westminster
Bridge
The
scuffle
that
ended
in
the
arrests
was
the
poorest
explosion
to
follow
such
stupendous
preparations
3
Later
on
in
that
year
the
women
began
a
new
attack
Day
and
night
and
all
through
the
long
nights
of
the
Budget
sittings
at
all
the
piers
of
the
gates
of
New
Palace
Yard
and
at
St
Stephens
Porch
stood
women
pickets
and
watched
us
silently
and
reproachfully
as
we
went
to
and
fro
They
were
women
of
all
sorts
though
of
course
the
independent
worker
class
predominated
There
were
grey
headed
old
ladies
standing
there
sturdily
charming
in
the
rain
battered
looking
ambiguous
women
with
something
of
the
desperate
bitterness
of
battered
women
showing
in
their
eyes
north
country
factory
girls
cheaply
dressed
suburban
women
trim
comfortable
mothers
of
families
valiant
eyed
girl
graduates
and
undergraduates
lank
hungry
looking
creatures
who
stirred
ones
imagination
one
very
dainty
little
woman
in
deep
mourning
I
recall
grave
and
steadfast
with
eyes
fixed
on
distant
things
Some
of
those
women
looked
defiant
some
timidly
aggressive
some
full
of
the
stir
of
adventure
some
drooping
with
cold
and
fatigue
The
supply
never
ceased
I
had
a
mortal
fear
that
somehow
the
supply
might
halt
or
cease
I
found
that
continual
siege
of
the
legislature
extraordinarily
impressive
infinitely
more
impressive
than
the
feeble
forcible
ragging
of
the
more
militant
section
I
thought
of
the
appeal
that
must
be
going
through
the
country
summoning
the
women
from
countless
scattered
homes
rooms
colleges
to
Westminster
I
remember
too
the
petty
little
difficulty
I
felt
whether
I
should
ignore
these
pickets
altogether
or
lift
a
hat
as
I
hurried
past
with
averted
eyes
or
look
them
in
the
face
as
I
did
so
Towards
the
end
the
House
evoked
an
etiquette
of
salutation
4
There
was
a
tendency
even
on
the
part
of
its
sympathisers
to
treat
the
whole
suffrage
agitation
as
if
it
were
a
disconnected
issue
irrelevant
to
all
other
broad
developments
of
social
and
political
life
We
struggled
all
of
us
to
ignore
the
indicating
finger
it
thrust
out
before
us
Your
schemes
for
all
their
bigness
it
insisted
to
our
reluctant
averted
minds
still
dont
go
down
to
the
essential
things
We
have
to
go
deeper
or
our
inadequate
childrens
insufficient
children
will
starve
amidst
harvests
of
earless
futility
That
conservatism
which
works
in
every
class
to
preserve
in
its
essentials
the
habitual
daily
life
is
all
against
a
profounder
treatment
of
political
issues
The
politician
almost
as
absurdly
as
the
philosopher
tends
constantly
in
spite
of
magnificent
preludes
vast
intimations
to
specialise
himself
out
of
the
reality
he
has
so
stupendously
summoned
he
bolts
back
to
littleness
The
world
has
to
be
moulded
anew
he
continues
to
admit
but
without
he
adds
any
risk
of
upsetting
his
week
end
visits
his
morning
cup
of
tea
The
discussion
of
the
relations
of
men
and
women
disturbs
every
one
It
reacts
upon
the
private
life
of
every
one
who
attempts
it
And
at
any
particular
time
only
a
small
minority
have
a
personal
interest
in
changing
the
established
state
of
affairs
Habit
and
interest
are
in
a
constantly
recruited
majority
against
conscious
change
and
adjustment
in
these
matters
Drift
rules
us
The
great
mass
of
people
and
an
overwhelming
proportion
of
influential
people
are
people
who
have
banished
their
dreams
and
made
their
compromise
Wonderful
and
beautiful
possibilities
are
no
longer
to
be
thought
about
They
have
given
up
any
aspirations
for
intense
love
their
splendid
offspring
for
keen
delights
have
accepted
a
cultivated
kindliness
and
an
uncritical
sense
of
righteousness
as
their
compensation
Its
a
settled
affair
with
them
a
settled
dangerous
affair
Most
of
them
fear
and
many
hate
the
slightest
reminder
of
those
abandoned
dreams
As
Dayton
once
said
to
the
Pentagram
Circle
when
we
were
discussing
the
problem
of
a
universal
marriage
and
divorce
law
throughout
the
Empire
I
am
for
leaving
all
these
things
alone
And
then
with
a
groan
in
his
voice
Leave
them
alone
Leave
them
all
alone
That
was
his
whole
speech
for
the
evening
in
a
note
of
suppressed
passion
and
presently
against
all
our
etiquette
he
got
up
and
went
out
For
some
years
after
my
marriage
I
too
was
for
leaving
them
alone
I
developed
a
dread
and
dislike
for
romance
for
emotional
music
for
the
human
figure
in
art
turning
my
heart
to
landscape
I
wanted
to
sneer
at
lovers
and
their
ecstasies
and
was
uncomfortable
until
I
found
the
effective
sneer
In
matters
of
private
morals
these
were
my
most
uncharitable
years
I
didnt
want
to
think
of
these
things
any
more
for
ever
I
hated
the
people
whose
talk
or
practice
showed
they
were
not
of
my
opinion
I
wanted
to
believe
that
their
views
were
immoral
and
objectionable
and
contemptible
because
I
had
decided
to
treat
them
as
at
that
level
I
was
in
fact
falling
into
the
attitude
of
the
normal
decent
man
And
yet
one
cannot
help
thinking
The
sensible
moralised
man
finds
it
hard
to
escape
the
stream
of
suggestion
that
there
are
still
dreams
beyond
these
commonplace
acquiescences
the
appeal
of
beauty
suddenly
shining
upon
one
the
mothlike
stirrings
of
serene
summer
nights
the
sweetness
of
distant
music
It
is
one
of
the
paradoxical
factors
in
our
public
life
at
the
present
time
which
penalises
abandonment
to
love
so
abundantly
and
so
heavily
that
power
influence
and
control
fall
largely
to
unencumbered
people
and
sterile
people
and
people
who
have
married
for
passionless
purposes
people
whose
very
deficiency
in
feeling
has
left
them
free
to
follow
ambition
people
beautyblind
who
dont
understand
what
it
is
to
fall
in
love
what
it
is
to
desire
children
or
have
them
what
it
is
to
feel
in
their
blood
and
bodies
the
supreme
claim
of
good
births
and
selective
births
above
all
other
affairs
in
life
people
almost
of
necessity
averse
from
this
most
fundamental
aspect
of
existence
5
It
wasnt
however
my
deepening
sympathy
with
and
understanding
of
the
position
of
women
in
general
or
the
change
in
my
ideas
about
all
these
intimate
things
my
fast
friendship
with
Isabel
was
bringing
about
that
led
me
to
the
heretical
views
I
have
in
the
last
five
years
dragged
from
the
region
of
academic
and
timid
discussion
into
the
field
of
practical
politics
Those
influences
no
doubt
have
converged
to
the
same
end
and
given
me
a
powerful
emotional
push
upon
my
road
but
it
was
a
broader
and
colder
view
of
things
that
first
determined
me
in
my
attempt
to
graft
the
Endowment
of
Motherhood
in
some
form
or
other
upon
British
Imperialism
Now
that
I
am
exiled
from
the
political
world
it
is
possible
to
estimate
just
how
effectually
that
grafting
has
been
done
I
have
explained
how
the
ideas
of
a
trained
aristocracy
and
a
universal
education
grew
to
paramount
importance
in
my
political
scheme
It
is
but
a
short
step
from
this
to
the
question
of
the
quantity
and
quality
of
births
in
the
community
and
from
that
again
to
these
forbidden
and
fear
beset
topics
of
marriage
divorce
and
the
family
organisation
A
sporadic
discussion
of
these
aspects
had
been
going
on
for
years
a
Eugenic
society
existed
and
articles
on
the
Falling
Birth
Rate
and
the
Rapid
Multiplication
of
the
Unfit
were
staples
of
the
monthly
magazines
But
beyond
an
intermittent
scolding
of
prosperous
childless
people
in
general
one
never
addressed
them
in
particular
nothing
was
done
towards
arresting
those
adverse
processes
Almost
against
my
natural
inclination
I
found
myself
forced
to
go
into
these
things
I
came
to
the
conclusion
that
under
modern
conditions
the
isolated
private
family
based
on
the
existing
marriage
contract
was
failing
in
its
work
It
wasnt
producing
enough
children
and
children
good
enough
and
well
trained
enough
for
the
demands
of
the
developing
civilised
state
Our
civilisation
was
growing
outwardly
and
decaying
in
its
intimate
substance
and
unless
it
was
presently
to
collapse
some
very
extensive
and
courageous
reorganisation
was
needed
The
old
haphazard
system
of
pairing
qualified
more
and
more
by
worldly
discretions
no
longer
secures
a
young
population
numerous
enough
or
good
enough
for
the
growing
needs
and
possibilities
of
our
Empire
Statecraft
sits
weaving
splendid
garments
no
doubt
but
with
a
puny
ugly
insufficient
baby
in
the
cradle
No
one
so
far
has
dared
to
take
up
this
problem
as
a
present
question
for
statecraft
but
it
comes
unheralded
unadvocated
and
sits
at
every
legislative
board
Every
improvement
is
provisional
except
the
improvement
of
the
race
and
it
became
more
and
more
doubtful
to
me
if
we
were
improving
the
race
at
all
Splendid
and
beautiful
and
courageous
people
must
come
together
and
have
children
women
with
their
fine
senses
and
glorious
devotion
must
be
freed
from
the
net
that
compels
them
to
be
celibate
compels
them
to
be
childless
and
useless
or
to
bear
children
ignobly
to
men
whom
need
and
ignorance
and
the
treacherous
pressure
of
circumstances
have
forced
upon
them
We
all
know
that
and
so
few
dare
even
to
whisper
it
for
fear
that
they
should
seem
in
seeking
to
save
the
family
to
threaten
its
existence
It
is
as
if
a
party
of
pigmies
in
a
not
too
capacious
room
had
been
joined
by
a
carnivorous
giant
and
decided
to
go
on
living
happily
by
cutting
him
dead
The
problem
the
developing
civilised
state
has
to
solve
is
how
it
can
get
the
best
possible
increase
under
the
best
possible
conditions
I
became
more
and
more
convinced
that
the
independent
family
unit
of
to
day
in
which
the
man
is
master
of
the
wife
and
owner
of
the
children
in
which
all
are
dependent
upon
him
subordinated
to
his
enterprises
and
liable
to
follow
his
fortunes
up
or
down
does
not
supply
anything
like
the
best
conceivable
conditions
We
want
to
modernise
the
family
footing
altogether
An
enormous
premium
both
in
pleasure
and
competitive
efficiency
is
put
upon
voluntary
childlessness
and
enormous
inducements
are
held
out
to
women
to
subordinate
instinctive
and
selective
preferences
to
social
and
material
considerations
The
practical
reaction
of
modern
conditions
upon
the
old
tradition
of
the
family
is
this
that
beneath
the
pretence
that
nothing
is
changing
secretly
and
with
all
the
unwholesomeness
of
secrecy
everything
is
changed
Offspring
fall
away
the
birth
rate
falls
and
falls
most
among
just
the
most
efficient
and
active
and
best
adapted
classes
in
the
community
The
species
is
recruited
from
among
its
failures
and
from
among
less
civilised
aliens
Contemporary
civilisations
are
in
effect
burning
the
best
of
their
possible
babies
in
the
furnaces
that
run
the
machinery
In
the
United
States
the
native
Anglo
American
strain
has
scarcely
increased
at
all
since
1830
and
in
most
Western
European
countries
the
same
is
probably
true
of
the
ablest
and
most
energetic
elements
in
the
community
The
women
of
these
classes
still
remain
legally
and
practically
dependent
and
protected
with
the
only
natural
excuse
for
their
dependence
gone
The
modern
world
becomes
an
immense
spectacle
of
unsatisfactory
groupings
here
childless
couples
bored
to
death
in
the
hopeless
effort
to
sustain
an
incessant
honeymoon
here
homes
in
which
a
solitary
child
grows
unsocially
here
small
two
or
three
child
homes
that
do
no
more
than
continue
the
culture
of
the
parents
at
a
great
social
cost
here
numbers
of
unhappy
educated
but
childless
married
women
here
careless
decivilised
fecund
homes
here
orphanages
and
asylums
for
the
heedlessly
begotten
It
is
just
the
disorderly
proliferation
of
Bromstead
over
again
in
lives
instead
of
in
houses
What
is
the
good
what
is
the
common
sense
of
rectifying
boundaries
pushing
research
and
discovery
building
cities
improving
all
the
facilities
of
life
making
great
fleets
waging
wars
while
this
aimless
decadence
remains
the
quality
of
the
biological
outlook
It
is
difficult
now
to
trace
how
I
changed
from
my
early
aversion
until
I
faced
this
mass
of
problems
But
so
far
back
as
1910
I
had
it
clear
in
my
mind
that
I
would
rather
fail
utterly
than
participate
in
all
the
surrenders
of
mind
and
body
that
are
implied
in
Daytons
snarl
of
Leave
it
alone
leave
it
all
alone
Marriage
and
the
begetting
and
care
of
children
is
the
very
ground
substance
in
the
life
of
the
community
In
a
world
in
which
everything
changes
in
which
fresh
methods
fresh
adjustments
and
fresh
ideas
perpetually
renew
the
circumstances
of
life
it
is
preposterous
that
we
should
not
even
examine
into
these
matters
should
rest
content
to
be
ruled
by
the
uncriticised
traditions
of
a
barbaric
age
Now
it
seems
to
me
that
the
solution
of
this
problem
is
also
the
solution
of
the
womans
individual
problem
The
two
go
together
are
right
and
left
of
one
question
The
only
conceivable
way
out
from
our
IMPASSE
lies
in
the
recognition
of
parentage
that
is
to
say
of
adequate
mothering
as
no
longer
a
chance
product
of
individual
passions
but
a
service
rendered
to
the
State
Women
must
become
less
and
less
subordinated
to
individual
men
since
this
works
out
in
a
more
or
less
complete
limitation
waste
and
sterilisation
of
their
essentially
social
function
they
must
become
more
and
more
subordinated
as
individually
independent
citizens
to
the
collective
purpose
Or
to
express
the
thing
by
a
familiar
phrase
the
highly
organised
scientific
state
we
desire
must
if
it
is
to
exist
at
all
base
itself
not
upon
the
irresponsible
man
ruled
family
but
upon
the
matriarchal
family
the
citizen
ship
and
freedom
of
women
and
the
public
endowment
of
motherhood
After
two
generations
of
confused
and
experimental
revolt
it
grows
clear
to
modern
women
that
a
conscious
deliberate
motherhood
and
mothering
is
their
special
function
in
the
State
and
that
a
personal
subordination
to
an
individual
man
with
an
unlimited
power
of
control
over
this
intimate
and
supreme
duty
is
a
degradation
No
contemporary
woman
of
education
put
to
the
test
is
willing
to
recognise
any
claim
a
man
can
make
upon
her
but
the
claim
of
her
freely
given
devotion
to
him
She
wants
the
reality
of
her
choice
and
she
means
family
while
a
man
too
often
means
only
possession
This
alters
the
spirit
of
the
family
relationships
fundamentally
Their
form
remains
just
what
it
was
when
woman
was
esteemed
a
pretty
desirable
and
incidentally
a
child
producing
chattel
Against
these
time
honoured
ideas
the
new
spirit
of
womanhood
struggles
in
shame
astonishment
bitterness
and
tears
I
confess
myself
altogether
feminist
I
have
no
doubts
in
the
matter
I
want
this
coddling
and
browbeating
of
women
to
cease
I
want
to
see
women
come
in
free
and
fearless
to
a
full
participation
in
the
collective
purpose
of
mankind
Women
I
am
convinced
are
as
fine
as
men
they
can
be
as
wise
as
men
they
are
capable
of
far
greater
devotion
than
men
I
want
to
see
them
citizens
with
a
marriage
law
framed
primarily
for
them
and
for
their
protection
and
the
good
of
the
race
and
not
for
mens
satisfactions
I
want
to
see
them
bearing
and
rearing
good
children
in
the
State
as
a
generously
rewarded
public
duty
and
service
choosing
their
husbands
freely
and
discerningly
and
in
no
way
enslaved
by
or
subordinated
to
the
men
they
have
chosen
The
social
consciousness
of
women
seems
to
me
an
unworked
an
almost
untouched
mine
of
wealth
for
the
constructive
purpose
of
the
world
I
want
to
change
the
respective
values
of
the
family
group
altogether
and
make
the
home
indeed
the
womens
kingdom
and
the
mother
the
owner
and
responsible
guardian
of
her
children
It
is
no
use
pretending
that
this
is
not
novel
and
revolutionary
it
is
The
Endowment
of
Motherhood
implies
a
new
method
of
social
organization
a
rearrangement
of
the
social
unit
untried
in
human
expericnce
as
untried
as
electric
traction
was
or
flying
in
1800
Of
course
it
may
work
out
to
modify
mens
ideas
of
marriage
profoundly
To
me
that
is
a
secondary
consideration
I
do
not
believe
that
particular
assertion
myself
because
I
am
convinced
that
a
practical
monogamy
is
a
psychological
necessity
to
the
mass
of
civilised
people
But
even
if
I
did
believe
it
I
should
still
keep
to
my
present
line
because
it
is
the
only
line
that
will
prevent
a
highly
organised
civilisation
from
ending
in
biological
decay
The
public
Endowment
of
Motherhood
is
the
only
possible
way
which
will
ensure
the
permanently
developing
civilised
state
at
which
all
constructive
minds
are
aiming
A
point
is
reached
in
the
life
history
of
a
civilisation
when
either
this
reconstruction
must
be
effected
or
the
quality
and
MORALE
of
the
population
prove
insufficient
for
the
needs
of
the
developing
organisation
It
is
not
so
much
moral
decadence
that
will
destroy
us
as
moral
inadaptability
The
old
code
fails
under
the
new
needs
The
only
alternative
to
this
profound
reconstruction
is
a
decay
in
human
quality
and
social
collapse
Either
this
unprecedented
rearrangement
must
be
achieved
by
our
civilisation
or
it
must
presently
come
upon
a
phase
of
disorder
and
crumble
and
perish
as
Rome
perished
as
France
declines
as
the
strain
of
the
Pilgrim
Fathers
dwindles
out
of
America
Whatever
hope
there
may
be
in
the
attempt
therefore
there
is
no
alternative
to
the
attempt
6
I
wanted
political
success
now
dearly
enough
but
not
at
the
price
of
constructive
realities
These
questions
were
no
doubt
monstrously
dangerous
in
the
political
world
there
wasnt
a
politician
alive
who
didnt
look
scared
at
the
mention
of
The
Family
but
if
raising
these
issues
were
essential
to
the
social
reconstructions
on
which
my
life
was
set
that
did
not
matter
It
only
implied
that
I
should
take
them
up
with
deliberate
caution
There
was
no
release
because
of
risk
or
difficulty
The
question
of
whether
I
should
commit
myself
to
some
open
project
in
this
direction
was
going
on
in
my
mind
concurrently
with
my
speculations
about
a
change
of
party
like
bass
and
treble
in
a
complex
piece
of
music
The
two
drew
to
a
conclusion
together
I
would
not
only
go
over
to
Imperialism
but
I
would
attempt
to
biologise
Imperialism
I
thought
at
first
that
I
was
undertaking
a
monstrous
uphill
task
But
as
I
came
to
look
into
the
possibilities
of
the
matter
a
strong
persuasion
grew
up
in
my
mind
that
this
panic
fear
of
legislative
proposals
affecting
the
family
basis
was
excessive
that
things
were
much
riper
for
development
in
this
direction
than
old
experienced
people
out
of
touch
with
the
younger
generation
imagined
that
to
phrase
the
thing
in
a
parliamentary
fashion
something
might
be
done
in
the
constituencies
with
the
Endowment
of
Motherhood
forthwith
provided
only
that
it
was
made
perfectly
clear
that
anything
a
sane
person
could
possibly
intend
by
morality
was
left
untouched
by
these
proposals
I
went
to
work
very
carefully
I
got
Roper
of
the
DAILY
TELEPHONE
and
Burkett
of
the
DIAL
to
try
over
a
silly
season
discussion
of
State
Help
for
Mothers
and
I
put
a
series
of
articles
on
eugenics
upon
the
fall
in
the
birth
rate
and
similar
topics
in
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
leading
up
to
a
tentative
and
generalised
advocacy
of
the
public
endowment
of
the
nations
children
I
was
more
and
more
struck
by
the
acceptance
won
by
a
sober
and
restrained
presentation
of
this
suggestion
And
then
in
the
fourth
year
of
the
BLUE
WEEKLYS
career
came
the
Handitch
election
and
I
was
forced
by
the
clamour
of
my
antagonist
and
very
willingly
forced
to
put
my
convictions
to
the
test
I
returned
triumphantly
to
Westminster
with
the
Public
Endowment
of
Motherhood
as
part
of
my
open
profession
and
with
the
full
approval
of
the
party
press
Applauding
benches
of
Imperialists
cheered
me
on
my
way
to
the
table
between
the
whips
That
second
time
I
took
the
oath
I
was
not
one
of
a
crowd
of
new
members
but
salient
an
event
a
symbol
of
profound
changes
and
new
purposes
in
the
national
life
Here
it
is
my
political
book
comes
to
an
end
and
in
a
sense
my
book
ends
altogether
For
the
rest
is
but
to
tell
how
I
was
swept
out
of
this
great
world
of
political
possibilities
I
close
this
Third
Book
as
I
opened
it
with
an
admission
of
difficulties
and
complexities
but
now
with
a
pile
of
manuscript
before
me
I
have
to
confess
them
unsurmounted
and
still
entangled
Yet
my
aim
was
a
final
simplicity
I
have
sought
to
show
my
growing
realisation
that
the
essential
quality
of
all
political
and
social
effort
is
the
development
of
a
great
race
mind
behind
the
interplay
of
individual
lives
That
is
the
collective
human
reality
the
basis
of
morality
the
purpose
of
devotion
To
that
our
lives
must
be
given
from
that
will
come
the
perpetual
fresh
release
and
further
ennoblement
of
individual
lives
I
have
wanted
to
make
that
idea
of
a
collective
mind
play
in
this
book
the
part
United
Italy
plays
in
Machiavellis
PRINCE
I
have
called
it
the
hinterland
of
reality
shown
it
accumulating
a
dominating
truth
and
rightness
which
must
force
mens
now
sporadic
motives
more
and
more
into
a
disciplined
and
understanding
relation
to
a
plan
And
I
have
tried
to
indicate
how
I
sought
to
serve
this
great
clarification
of
our
confusions
Now
I
come
back
to
personality
and
the
story
of
my
self
betrayal
and
how
it
is
I
have
had
to
leave
all
that
far
reaching
scheme
of
mine
a
mere
project
and
beginning
for
other
men
to
take
or
leave
as
it
pleases
them
BOOK
THE
FOURTH
ISABEL
CHAPTER
THE
FIRST
LOVE
AND
SUCCESS
1
I
come
to
the
most
evasive
and
difficult
part
of
my
story
which
is
to
tell
how
Isabel
and
I
have
made
a
common
wreck
of
our
joint
lives
It
is
not
the
telling
of
one
simple
disastrous
accident
There
was
a
vein
in
our
natures
that
led
to
this
collapse
gradually
and
at
this
point
and
that
it
crept
to
the
surface
One
may
indeed
see
our
destruction
for
indeed
politically
we
could
not
be
more
extinct
if
we
had
been
shot
dead
in
the
form
of
a
catastrophe
as
disconnected
and
conclusive
as
a
meteoric
stone
falling
out
of
heaven
upon
two
friends
and
crushing
them
both
But
I
do
not
think
that
is
true
to
our
situation
or
ourselves
We
were
not
taken
by
surprise
The
thing
was
in
us
and
not
from
without
it
was
akin
to
our
way
of
thinking
and
our
habitual
attitudes
it
had
for
all
its
impulsive
effect
a
certain
necessity
We
might
have
escaped
no
doubt
as
two
men
at
a
hundred
yards
may
shoot
at
each
other
with
pistols
for
a
considerable
time
and
escape
But
it
isnt
particularly
reasonable
to
talk
of
the
contrariety
of
fate
if
they
both
get
hit
Isabel
and
I
were
dangerous
to
each
other
for
several
years
of
friendship
and
not
quite
unwittingly
so
In
writing
this
moreover
there
is
a
very
great
difficulty
in
steering
my
way
between
two
equally
undesirable
tones
in
the
telling
In
the
first
place
I
do
not
want
to
seem
to
confess
my
sins
with
a
penitence
I
am
very
doubtful
if
I
feel
Now
that
I
have
got
Isabel
we
can
no
doubt
count
the
cost
of
it
and
feel
unquenchable
regrets
but
I
am
not
sure
whether
if
we
could
be
put
back
now
into
such
circumstances
as
we
were
in
a
year
ago
or
two
years
ago
whether
with
my
eyes
fully
open
I
should
not
do
over
again
very
much
as
I
did
And
on
the
other
hand
I
do
not
want
to
justify
the
things
we
have
done
We
are
two
bad
people
if
there
is
to
be
any
classification
of
good
and
bad
at
all
we
have
acted
badly
and
quite
apart
from
any
other
considerations
weve
largely
wasted
our
own
very
great
possibilities
But
it
is
part
of
a
queer
humour
that
underlies
all
this
that
I
find
myself
slipping
again
and
again
into
a
sentimental
treatment
of
our
case
that
is
as
unpremeditated
as
it
is
insincere
When
I
am
a
little
tired
after
a
mornings
writing
I
find
the
faint
suggestion
getting
into
every
other
sentence
that
our
blunders
and
misdeeds
embodied
after
the
fashion
of
the
prophet
Hosea
profound
moral
truths
Indeed
I
feel
so
little
confidence
in
my
ability
to
keep
this
altogether
out
of
my
book
that
I
warn
the
reader
here
that
in
spite
of
anything
he
may
read
elsewhere
in
the
story
intimating
however
shyly
an
esoteric
and
exalted
virtue
in
our
proceedings
the
plain
truth
of
this
business
is
that
Isabel
and
I
wanted
each
other
with
a
want
entirely
formless
inconsiderate
and
overwhelming
And
though
I
could
tell
you
countless
delightful
and
beautiful
things
about
Isabel
were
this
a
book
in
her
praise
I
cannot
either
analyse
that
want
or
account
for
its
extreme
intensity
I
will
confess
that
deep
in
my
mind
there
is
a
belief
in
a
sort
of
wild
rightness
about
any
love
that
is
fraught
with
beauty
but
that
eludes
me
and
vanishes
again
and
is
not
I
feel
to
be
put
with
the
real
veracities
and
righteousnesses
and
virtues
in
the
paddocks
and
menageries
of
human
reason
We
have
already
a
child
and
Margaret
was
childless
and
I
find
myself
prone
to
insist
upon
that
as
if
it
was
a
justification
But
indeed
when
we
became
lovers
there
was
small
thought
of
Eugenics
between
us
Ours
was
a
mutual
and
not
a
philoprogenitive
passion
Old
Nature
behind
us
may
have
had
such
purposes
with
us
but
it
is
not
for
us
to
annex
her
intentions
by
a
moralising
afterthought
There
isnt
in
fact
any
decent
justification
for
us
whatever
at
that
the
story
must
stand
But
if
there
is
no
justification
there
is
at
least
a
very
effective
excuse
in
the
mental
confusedness
of
our
time
The
evasion
of
that
passionately
thorough
exposition
of
belief
and
of
the
grounds
of
morality
which
is
the
outcome
of
the
mercenary
religious
compromises
of
the
late
Vatican
period
the
stupid
suppression
of
anything
but
the
most
timid
discussion
of
sexual
morality
in
our
literature
and
drama
the
pervading
cultivated
and
protected
muddle
headedness
leaves
mentally
vigorous
people
with
relatively
enormous
possibilities
of
destruction
and
little
effective
help
They
find
themselves
confronted
by
the
habits
and
prejudices
of
manifestly
commonplace
people
and
by
that
extraordinary
patched
up
Christianity
the
cult
of
a
Bromsteadised
deity
diffused
scattered
and
aimless
which
hides
from
examination
and
any
possibility
of
faith
behind
the
plea
of
good
taste
A
god
about
whom
there
is
delicacy
is
far
worse
than
no
god
at
all
We
are
FORCED
to
be
laws
unto
ourselves
and
to
live
experimentally
It
is
inevitable
that
a
considerable
fraction
of
just
that
bolder
more
initiatory
section
of
the
intellectual
community
the
section
that
can
least
be
spared
from
the
collective
life
in
a
period
of
trial
and
change
will
drift
into
such
emotional
crises
and
such
disaster
as
overtook
us
Most
perhaps
will
escape
but
many
will
go
down
many
more
than
the
world
can
spare
It
is
the
unwritten
law
of
all
our
public
life
and
the
same
holds
true
of
America
that
an
honest
open
scandal
ends
a
career
England
in
the
last
quarter
of
a
century
has
wasted
half
a
dozen
statesmen
on
this
score
she
would
I
believe
reject
Nelson
now
if
he
sought
to
serve
her
Is
it
wonderful
that
to
us
fretting
here
in
exile
this
should
seem
the
cruellest
as
well
as
the
most
foolish
elimination
of
a
necessary
social
element
It
destroys
no
vice
for
vice
hides
by
nature
It
not
only
rewards
dullness
as
if
it
were
positive
virtue
but
sets
an
enormous
premium
upon
hypocrisy
That
is
my
case
and
that
is
why
I
am
telling
this
side
of
my
story
with
so
much
explicitness
2
Ever
since
the
Kinghamstead
election
I
had
maintained
what
seemed
a
desultory
friendship
with
Isabel
At
first
it
was
rather
Isabel
kept
it
up
than
I
Whenever
Margaret
and
I
went
down
to
that
villa
with
its
three
or
four
acres
of
garden
and
shrubbery
about
it
which
fulfilled
our
election
promise
to
live
at
Kinghamstead
Isabel
would
turn
up
in
a
state
of
frank
cheerfulness
rejoicing
at
us
and
talk
all
she
was
reading
and
thinking
to
me
and
stay
for
all
the
rest
of
the
day
In
her
shameless
liking
for
me
she
was
as
natural
as
a
savage
She
would
exercise
me
vigorously
at
tennis
while
Margaret
lay
and
rested
her
back
in
the
afternoon
or
guide
me
for
some
long
ramble
that
dodged
the
suburban
and
congested
patches
of
the
constituency
with
amazing
skill
She
took
possession
of
me
in
that
unabashed
straight
minded
way
a
girl
will
sometimes
adopt
with
a
man
chose
my
path
or
criticised
my
game
with
a
motherly
solicitude
for
my
welfare
that
was
absurd
and
delightful
And
we
talked
We
discussed
and
criticised
the
stories
of
novels
scraps
of
history
pictures
social
questions
socialism
the
policy
of
the
Government
She
was
young
and
most
unevenly
informed
but
she
was
amazingly
sharp
and
quick
and
good
Never
before
in
my
life
had
I
known
a
girl
of
her
age
or
a
woman
of
her
quality
I
had
never
dreamt
there
was
such
talk
in
the
world
Kinghamstead
became
a
lightless
place
when
she
went
to
Oxford
Heaven
knows
how
much
that
may
not
have
precipitated
my
abandonment
of
the
seat
She
went
to
Ridout
College
Oxford
and
that
certainly
weighed
with
me
when
presently
after
my
breach
with
the
Liberals
various
little
undergraduate
societies
began
to
ask
for
lectures
and
discussions
I
favoured
Oxford
I
declared
openly
I
did
so
because
of
her
At
that
time
I
think
we
neither
of
us
suspected
the
possibility
of
passion
that
lay
like
a
coiled
snake
in
the
path
before
us
It
seemed
to
us
that
we
had
the
quaintest
most
delightful
friendship
in
the
world
she
was
my
pupil
and
I
was
her
guide
philosopher
and
friend
People
smiled
indulgently
even
Margaret
smiled
indulgently
at
our
attraction
for
one
another
Such
friendships
are
not
uncommon
nowadays
among
easy
going
liberal
minded
people
For
the
most
part
theres
no
sort
of
harm
as
people
say
in
them
The
two
persons
concerned
are
never
supposed
to
think
of
the
passionate
love
that
hovers
so
close
to
the
friendship
or
if
they
do
then
they
banish
the
thought
I
think
we
kept
the
thought
as
permanently
in
exile
as
any
one
could
do
If
it
did
in
odd
moments
come
into
our
heads
we
pretended
elaborately
it
wasnt
there
Only
we
were
both
very
easily
jealous
of
each
others
attention
and
tremendously
insistent
upon
each
others
preference
I
remember
once
during
the
Oxford
days
an
intimation
that
should
have
set
me
thinking
and
I
suppose
discreetly
disentangling
myself
It
was
one
Sunday
afternoon
and
it
must
have
been
about
May
for
the
trees
and
shrubs
of
Ridout
College
were
gay
with
blossom
and
fresh
with
the
new
sharp
greens
of
spring
I
had
walked
talking
with
Isabel
and
a
couple
of
other
girls
through
the
wide
gardens
of
the
place
seen
and
criticised
the
new
brick
pond
nodded
to
the
daughter
of
this
friend
and
that
in
the
hammocks
under
the
trees
and
picked
a
way
among
the
scattered
tea
parties
on
the
lawn
to
our
own
circle
on
the
grass
under
a
Siberian
crab
near
the
great
bay
window
There
I
sat
and
ate
great
quantities
of
cake
and
discussed
the
tactics
of
the
Suffragettes
I
had
made
some
comments
upon
the
spirit
of
the
movement
in
an
address
to
the
men
in
Pembroke
and
it
had
got
abroad
and
a
group
of
girls
and
women
dons
were
now
having
it
out
with
me
I
forget
the
drift
of
the
conversation
or
what
it
was
made
Isabel
interrupt
me
She
did
interrupt
me
She
bad
been
lying
prone
on
the
ground
at
my
right
hand
chin
on
fists
listening
thoughtfully
and
I
was
sitting
beside
old
Lady
Evershead
on
a
garden
seat
I
turned
to
Isabels
voice
and
saw
her
face
uplifted
and
her
dear
cheeks
and
nose
and
forehead
all
splashed
and
barred
with
sunlight
and
the
shadows
of
the
twigs
of
the
trees
behind
me
And
something
an
infinite
tenderness
stabbed
me
It
was
a
keen
physical
feeling
like
nothing
I
had
ever
felt
before
It
had
a
quality
of
tears
in
it
For
the
first
time
in
my
narrow
and
concentrated
life
another
human
being
had
really
thrust
into
my
being
and
gripped
my
very
heart
Our
eyes
met
perplexed
for
an
extraordinary
moment
Then
I
turned
back
and
addressed
myself
a
little
stiffly
to
the
substance
of
her
intervention
For
some
time
I
couldnt
look
at
her
again
From
that
time
forth
I
knew
I
loved
Isabel
beyond
measure
Yet
it
is
curious
that
it
never
occurred
to
me
for
a
year
or
so
that
this
was
likely
to
be
a
matter
of
passion
between
us
I
have
told
how
definitely
I
put
my
imagination
into
harness
in
those
matters
at
my
marriage
and
I
was
living
now
in
a
world
of
big
interests
where
there
is
neither
much
time
nor
inclination
for
deliberate
love
making
I
suppose
there
is
a
large
class
of
men
who
never
meet
a
girl
or
a
woman
without
thinking
of
sex
who
meet
a
friends
daughter
and
decide
Mustnt
get
friendly
with
her
wouldnt
DO
and
set
invisible
bars
between
themselves
and
all
the
wives
in
the
world
Perhaps
that
is
the
way
to
live
Perhaps
there
is
no
other
method
than
this
effectual
annihilation
of
half
and
the
most
sympathetic
and
attractive
half
of
the
human
beings
in
the
world
so
far
as
any
frank
intercourse
is
concerned
I
am
quite
convinced
anyhow
that
such
a
qualified
intimacy
as
ours
such
a
drifting
into
the
sense
of
possession
such
untrammeled
conversation
with
an
invisible
implacable
limit
set
just
where
the
intimacy
glows
it
is
no
kind
of
tolerable
compromise
If
men
and
women
are
to
go
so
far
together
they
must
be
free
to
go
as
far
as
they
may
want
to
go
without
the
vindictive
destruction
that
has
come
upon
us
On
the
basis
of
the
accepted
codes
the
jealous
people
are
right
and
the
liberal
minded
ones
are
playing
with
fire
If
people
are
not
to
love
then
they
must
be
kept
apart
If
they
are
not
to
be
kept
apart
then
we
must
prepare
for
an
unprecedented
toleration
of
lovers
Isabel
was
as
unforeseeing
as
I
to
begin
with
but
sex
marches
into
the
life
of
an
intelligent
girl
with
demands
and
challenges
far
more
urgent
than
the
mere
call
of
curiosity
and
satiable
desire
that
comes
to
a
young
man
No
woman
yet
has
dared
to
tell
the
story
of
that
unfolding
She
attracted
men
and
she
encouraged
them
and
watched
them
and
tested
them
and
dismissed
them
and
concealed
the
substance
of
her
thoughts
about
them
in
the
way
that
seems
instinctive
in
a
natural
minded
girl
There
was
even
an
engagement
amidst
the
protests
and
disapproval
of
the
college
authorities
I
never
saw
the
man
though
she
gave
me
a
long
history
of
the
affair
to
which
I
listened
with
a
forced
and
insincere
sympathy
She
struck
me
oddly
as
taking
the
relationship
for
a
thing
in
itself
and
regardless
of
its
consequences
After
a
time
she
became
silent
about
him
and
then
threw
him
over
and
by
that
time
I
think
for
all
that
she
was
so
much
my
junior
she
knew
more
about
herself
and
me
than
I
was
to
know
for
several
years
to
come
We
didnt
see
each
other
for
some
months
after
my
resignation
but
we
kept
up
a
frequent
correspondence
She
said
twice
over
that
she
wanted
to
talk
to
me
that
letters
didnt
convey
what
one
wanted
to
say
and
I
went
up
to
Oxford
pretty
definitely
to
see
her
though
I
combined
it
with
one
or
two
other
engagements
somewhere
in
February
Insensibly
she
had
become
important
enough
for
me
to
make
journeys
for
her
But
we
didnt
see
very
much
of
one
another
on
that
occasion
There
was
something
in
the
air
between
us
that
made
a
faint
embarrassment
the
mere
fact
perhaps
that
she
had
asked
me
to
come
up
A
year
before
she
would
have
dashed
off
with
me
quite
unscrupulously
to
talk
alone
carried
me
off
to
her
room
for
an
hour
with
a
minute
of
chaperonage
to
satisfy
the
rules
Now
there
was
always
some
one
or
other
near
us
that
it
seemed
impossible
to
exorcise
We
went
for
a
walk
on
the
Sunday
afternoon
with
old
Fortescue
K
C
whod
come
up
to
see
his
two
daughters
both
great
friends
of
Isabels
and
some
mute
inglorious
don
whose
name
I
forget
but
who
was
in
a
state
of
marked
admiration
for
her
The
six
of
us
played
a
game
of
conversational
entanglements
throughout
and
mostly
I
was
impressing
the
Fortescue
girls
with
the
want
of
mental
concentration
possible
in
a
rising
politician
We
went
down
Carfex
I
remember
to
Folly
Bridge
and
inspected
the
Barges
and
then
back
by
way
of
Merton
to
the
Botanic
Gardens
and
Magdalen
Bridge
And
in
the
Botanic
Gardens
she
got
almost
her
only
chance
with
me
Last
months
at
Oxford
she
said
And
then
I
asked
Im
coming
to
London
she
said
To
write
She
was
silent
for
a
moment
Then
she
said
abruptly
with
that
quick
flush
of
hers
and
a
sudden
boldness
in
her
eyes
Im
going
to
work
with
you
Why
shouldnt
I
3
Here
again
I
suppose
I
had
a
fair
warning
of
the
drift
of
things
I
seem
to
remember
myself
in
the
train
to
Paddington
sitting
with
a
handful
of
papers
galley
proofs
for
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
I
suppose
on
my
lap
and
thinking
about
her
and
that
last
sentence
of
hers
and
all
that
it
might
mean
to
me
It
is
very
hard
to
recall
even
the
main
outline
of
anything
so
elusive
as
a
meditation
I
know
that
the
idea
of
working
with
her
gripped
me
fascinated
me
That
my
value
in
her
life
seemed
growing
filled
me
with
pride
and
a
kind
of
gratitude
I
was
already
in
no
doubt
that
her
value
in
my
life
was
tremendous
It
made
it
none
the
less
that
in
those
days
I
was
obsessed
by
the
idea
that
she
was
transitory
and
bound
to
go
out
of
my
life
again
It
is
no
good
trying
to
set
too
fine
a
face
upon
this
complex
business
there
is
gold
and
clay
and
sunlight
and
savagery
in
every
love
story
and
a
multitude
of
elvish
elements
peeped
out
beneath
the
fine
rich
curtain
of
affection
that
masked
our
future
Ive
never
properly
weighed
how
immensely
my
vanity
was
gratified
by
her
clear
preference
for
me
Nor
can
I
for
a
moment
determine
how
much
deliberate
intention
I
hide
from
myself
in
this
affair
Certainly
I
think
some
part
of
me
must
have
been
saying
in
the
train
Leave
go
of
her
Get
away
from
her
End
this
now
I
cant
have
been
so
stupid
as
not
to
have
had
that
in
my
mind
If
she
had
been
only
a
beautiful
girl
in
love
with
me
I
think
I
could
have
managed
the
situation
Once
or
twice
since
my
marriage
and
before
Isabel
became
of
any
significance
in
my
life
there
had
been
incidents
with
other
people
flashes
of
temptation
no
telling
is
possible
of
the
thing
resisted
I
think
that
mere
beauty
and
passion
would
not
have
taken
me
But
between
myself
and
Isabel
things
were
incurably
complicated
by
the
intellectual
sympathy
we
had
the
jolly
march
of
our
minds
together
That
has
always
mattered
enormously
I
should
have
wanted
her
company
nearly
as
badly
if
she
had
been
some
crippled
old
lady
we
would
have
hunted
shoulder
to
shoulder
as
two
men
Only
two
men
would
never
have
had
the
patience
and
readiness
for
one
another
we
two
had
I
had
never
for
years
met
any
one
with
whom
I
could
be
so
carelessly
sure
of
understanding
or
to
whom
I
could
listen
so
easily
and
fully
She
gave
me
with
an
extraordinary
completeness
that
rare
precious
effect
of
always
saying
something
fresh
and
yet
saying
it
so
that
it
filled
into
and
folded
about
all
the
little
recesses
and
corners
of
my
mind
with
an
infinite
soft
familiarity
It
is
impossible
to
explain
that
It
is
like
trying
to
explain
why
her
voice
her
voice
heard
speaking
to
any
one
heard
speaking
in
another
room
pleased
my
ears
She
was
the
only
Oxford
woman
who
took
a
first
that
year
She
spent
the
summer
in
Scotland
and
Yorkshire
writing
to
me
continually
of
all
she
now
meant
to
do
and
stirring
my
imagination
She
came
to
London
for
the
autumn
session
For
a
time
she
stayed
with
old
Lady
Colbeck
but
she
fell
out
with
her
hostess
when
it
became
clear
she
wanted
to
write
not
novels
but
journalism
and
then
she
set
every
one
talking
by
taking
a
flat
near
Victoria
and
installing
as
her
sole
protector
an
elderly
German
governess
she
had
engaged
through
a
scholastic
agency
She
began
writing
not
in
that
copious
flood
the
undisciplined
young
woman
of
gifts
is
apt
to
produce
but
in
exactly
the
manner
of
an
able
young
man
experimenting
with
forms
developing
the
phrasing
of
opinions
taking
a
definite
line
She
was
of
course
tremendously
discussed
She
was
disapproved
of
but
she
was
invited
out
to
dinner
She
got
rather
a
reputation
for
the
management
of
elderly
distinguished
men
It
was
an
odd
experience
to
follow
Margarets
soft
rustle
of
silk
into
some
big
drawing
room
and
discover
my
snub
nosed
girl
in
the
blue
sack
transformed
into
a
shining
creature
in
the
soft
splendour
of
pearls
and
ivory
white
and
lace
and
with
a
silver
band
about
her
dusky
hair
For
a
time
we
did
not
meet
very
frequently
though
always
she
professed
an
unblushing
preference
for
my
company
and
talked
my
views
and
sought
me
out
Then
her
usefulness
upon
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
began
to
link
us
closelier
She
would
come
up
to
the
office
and
sit
by
the
window
and
talk
over
the
proofs
of
the
next
weeks
articles
going
through
my
intentions
with
a
keen
investigatory
scalpel
Her
talk
always
puts
me
in
mind
of
a
steel
blade
Her
writing
became
rapidly
very
good
she
had
a
wit
and
a
turn
of
the
phrase
that
was
all
her
own
We
seemed
to
have
forgotten
the
little
shadow
of
embarrassment
that
had
fallen
over
our
last
meeting
at
Oxford
Everything
seemed
natural
and
easy
between
us
in
those
days
a
little
unconventional
but
that
made
it
all
the
brighter
We
developed
something
like
a
custom
of
walks
about
once
a
week
or
so
and
letters
and
notes
became
frequent
I
wont
pretend
things
were
not
keenly
personal
between
us
but
they
had
an
air
of
being
innocently
mental
She
used
to
call
me
Master
in
our
talks
a
monstrous
and
engaging
flattery
and
I
was
inordinately
proud
to
have
her
as
my
pupil
Who
wouldnt
have
been
And
we
went
on
at
that
distance
for
a
long
time
until
within
a
year
of
the
Handitch
election
After
Lady
Colbeck
threw
her
up
as
altogether
too
intellectual
for
comfortable
control
Isabel
was
taken
up
by
the
Balfes
in
a
less
formal
and
compromising
manner
and
week
ended
with
them
and
their
cousin
Leonora
Sparling
and
spent
large
portions
of
her
summer
with
them
in
Herefordshire
There
was
a
lover
or
so
in
that
time
men
who
came
a
little
timidly
at
this
brilliant
young
person
with
the
frank
manner
and
the
Amazonian
mind
and
she
declared
received
her
kindly
refusals
with
manifest
relief
And
Arnold
Shoesmith
struck
up
a
sort
of
friendship
that
oddly
imitated
mine
She
took
a
liking
to
him
because
he
was
clumsy
and
shy
and
inexpressive
she
embarked
upon
the
dangerous
interest
of
helping
him
to
find
his
soul
I
had
some
twinges
of
jealousy
about
that
I
didnt
see
the
necessity
of
him
He
invaded
her
time
and
I
thought
that
might
interfere
with
her
work
If
their
friendship
stole
some
hours
from
Isabels
writing
it
did
not
for
a
long
while
interfere
with
our
walks
or
our
talks
or
the
close
intimacy
we
had
together
4
Then
suddenly
Isabel
and
I
found
ourselves
passionately
in
love
The
change
came
so
entirely
without
warning
or
intention
that
I
find
it
impossible
now
to
tell
the
order
of
its
phases
What
disturbed
pebble
started
the
avalanche
I
cannot
trace
Perhaps
it
was
simply
that
the
barriers
between
us
and
this
masked
aspect
of
life
had
been
wearing
down
unperceived
And
there
came
a
change
in
Isabel
It
was
like
some
change
in
the
cycle
of
nature
like
the
onset
of
spring
a
sharp
brightness
an
uneasiness
She
became
restless
with
her
work
little
encounters
with
men
began
to
happen
encounters
not
quite
in
the
quality
of
the
earlier
proposals
and
then
came
an
odd
incident
of
which
she
told
me
but
somehow
I
felt
didnt
tell
me
completely
She
told
me
all
she
was
able
to
tell
me
She
had
been
at
a
dance
at
the
Ropers
and
a
man
rather
well
known
in
London
had
kissed
her
The
thing
amazed
her
beyond
measure
It
was
the
sort
of
thing
immediately
possible
between
any
man
and
any
woman
that
one
never
expects
to
happen
until
it
happens
It
had
the
surprising
effect
of
a
judge
generally
known
to
be
bald
suddenly
whipping
off
his
wig
in
court
No
absolutely
unexpected
revelation
could
have
quite
the
same
quality
of
shock
She
went
through
the
whole
thing
to
me
with
a
remarkable
detachment
told
me
how
she
had
felt
and
the
odd
things
it
seemed
to
open
to
her
I
WANT
to
be
kissed
and
all
that
sort
of
thing
she
avowed
I
suppose
every
woman
does
She
added
after
a
pause
And
I
dont
want
any
one
to
do
it
This
struck
me
as
queerly
expressive
of
the
womans
attitude
to
these
things
Some
one
presently
will
solve
that
I
said
Some
one
will
perhaps
I
was
silent
Some
one
will
she
said
almost
viciously
And
then
well
have
to
stop
these
walks
and
talks
of
ours
dear
Master
Ill
be
sorry
to
give
them
up
Its
part
of
the
requirements
of
the
situation
I
said
that
he
should
be
oh
very
interesting
Hell
start
no
doubt
all
sorts
of
new
topics
and
open
no
end
of
attractive
vistas
You
cant
you
know
always
go
about
in
a
state
of
pupillage
I
dont
think
I
can
said
Isabel
But
its
only
just
recently
Ive
begun
to
doubt
about
it
I
remember
these
things
being
said
but
just
how
much
we
saw
and
understood
and
just
how
far
we
were
really
keeping
opaque
to
each
other
then
I
cannot
remember
But
it
must
have
been
quite
soon
after
this
that
we
spent
nearly
a
whole
day
together
at
Kew
Gardens
with
the
curtains
up
and
the
barriers
down
and
the
thing
that
had
happened
plain
before
our
eyes
I
dont
remember
we
ever
made
any
declaration
We
just
assumed
the
new
footing
It
was
a
day
early
in
that
year
I
think
in
January
because
there
was
thin
crisp
snow
on
the
grass
and
we
noted
that
only
two
other
people
had
been
to
the
Pagoda
that
day
Ive
a
curious
impression
of
greenish
colour
hot
moist
air
and
huge
palm
fronds
about
very
much
of
our
talk
as
though
we
were
nearly
all
the
time
in
the
Tropical
House
But
I
also
remember
very
vividly
looking
at
certain
orange
and
red
spray
like
flowers
from
Patagonia
which
could
not
have
been
there
It
is
a
curious
thing
that
I
do
not
remember
we
made
any
profession
of
passionate
love
for
one
another
we
talked
as
though
the
fact
of
our
intense
love
for
each
other
had
always
been
patent
between
us
There
was
so
long
and
frank
an
intimacy
between
us
that
we
talked
far
more
like
brother
and
sister
or
husband
and
wife
than
two
people
engaged
in
the
war
of
the
sexes
We
wanted
to
know
what
we
were
going
to
do
and
whatever
we
did
we
meant
to
do
in
the
most
perfect
concert
We
both
felt
an
extraordinary
accession
of
friendship
and
tenderness
then
and
what
again
is
curious
very
little
passion
But
there
was
also
in
spite
of
the
perplexities
we
faced
an
immense
satisfaction
about
that
day
It
was
as
if
we
had
taken
off
something
that
had
hindered
our
view
of
each
other
like
people
who
unvizard
to
talk
more
easily
at
a
masked
ball
Ive
had
since
to
view
our
relations
from
the
standpoint
of
the
ordinary
observer
I
find
that
vision
in
the
most
preposterous
contrast
with
all
that
really
went
on
between
us
I
suppose
there
I
should
figure
as
a
wicked
seducer
while
an
unprotected
girl
succumbed
to
my
fascinations
As
a
matter
of
fact
it
didnt
occur
to
us
that
there
was
any
personal
inequality
between
us
I
knew
her
for
my
equal
mentally
in
so
many
things
she
was
beyond
comparison
cleverer
than
I
her
courage
outwent
mine
The
quick
leap
of
her
mind
evoked
a
flash
of
joy
in
mine
like
the
response
of
an
induction
wire
her
way
of
thinking
was
like
watching
sunlight
reflected
from
little
waves
upon
the
side
of
a
boat
it
was
so
bright
so
mobile
so
variously
and
easily
true
to
its
law
In
the
back
of
our
minds
we
both
had
a
very
definite
belief
that
making
love
is
full
of
joyous
splendid
tender
and
exciting
possibilities
and
we
had
to
discuss
why
we
shouldnt
be
to
the
last
degree
lovers
Now
what
I
should
like
to
print
here
if
it
were
possible
in
all
the
screaming
emphasis
of
red
ink
is
this
that
the
circumstances
of
my
upbringing
and
the
circumstances
of
Isabels
upbringing
had
left
not
a
shadow
of
belief
or
feeling
that
the
utmost
passionate
love
between
us
was
in
itself
intrinsically
WRONG
Ive
told
with
the
fullest
particularity
just
all
that
I
was
taught
or
found
out
for
myself
in
these
matters
and
Isabels
reading
and
thinking
and
the
fierce
silences
of
her
governesses
and
the
breathless
warnings
of
teachers
and
all
the
social
and
religious
influences
that
had
been
brought
to
bear
upon
her
had
worked
out
to
the
same
void
of
conviction
The
code
had
failed
with
us
altogether
We
didnt
for
a
moment
consider
anything
but
the
expediency
of
what
we
both
for
all
our
quiet
faces
and
steady
eyes
wanted
most
passionately
to
do
Well
here
you
have
the
state
of
mind
of
whole
brigades
of
people
and
particularly
of
young
people
nowadays
The
current
morality
hasnt
gripped
them
they
dont
really
believe
in
it
at
all
They
may
render
it
lip
service
but
that
is
quite
another
thing
There
are
scarcely
any
tolerable
novels
to
justify
its
prohibitions
its
prohibitions
do
in
fact
remain
unjustified
amongst
these
ugly
suppressions
You
may
if
you
choose
silence
the
admission
of
this
in
literature
and
current
discussion
you
will
not
prevent
it
working
out
in
lives
People
come
up
to
the
great
moments
of
passion
crudely
unaware
astoundingly
unprepared
as
no
really
civilised
and
intelligently
planned
community
would
let
any
one
be
unprepared
They
find
themselves
hedged
about
with
customs
that
have
no
organic
hold
upon
them
and
mere
discretions
all
generous
spirits
are
disposed
to
despise
Consider
the
infinite
absurdities
of
it
Multitudes
of
us
are
trying
to
run
this
complex
modern
community
on
a
basis
of
Hush
without
explaining
to
our
children
or
discussing
with
them
anything
about
love
and
marriage
at
all
Doubt
and
knowledge
creep
about
in
enforced
darknesses
and
silences
We
are
living
upon
an
ancient
tradition
which
everybody
doubts
and
nobody
has
ever
analysed
We
affect
a
tremendous
and
cultivated
shyness
and
delicacy
about
imperatives
of
the
most
arbitrary
appearance
What
ensues
What
did
ensue
with
us
for
example
On
the
one
hand
was
a
great
desire
robbed
of
any
appearance
of
shame
and
grossness
by
the
power
of
love
and
on
the
other
hand
the
possible
jealousy
of
so
and
so
the
disapproval
of
so
and
so
material
risks
and
dangers
It
is
only
in
the
retrospect
that
we
have
been
able
to
grasp
something
of
the
effectual
case
against
us
The
social
prohibition
lit
by
the
intense
glow
of
our
passion
presented
itself
as
preposterous
irrational
arbitrary
and
ugly
a
monster
fit
only
for
mockery
We
might
be
ruined
Well
there
is
a
phase
in
every
love
affair
a
sort
of
heroic
hysteria
when
death
and
ruin
are
agreeable
additions
to
the
prospect
It
gives
the
business
a
gravity
a
solemnity
Timid
people
may
hesitate
and
draw
back
with
a
vague
instinctive
terror
of
the
immensity
of
the
oppositions
they
challenge
but
neither
Isabel
nor
I
are
timid
people
We
weighed
what
was
against
us
We
decided
just
exactly
as
scores
of
thousands
of
people
have
decided
in
this
very
matter
that
if
it
were
possible
to
keep
this
thing
to
ourselves
there
was
nothing
against
it
And
so
we
took
our
first
step
With
the
hunger
of
love
in
us
it
was
easy
to
conclude
we
might
be
lovers
and
still
keep
everything
to
ourselves
That
cleared
our
minds
of
the
one
persistent
obstacle
that
mattered
to
us
the
haunting
presence
of
Margaret
And
then
we
found
as
all
those
scores
of
thousands
of
people
scattered
about
us
have
found
that
we
could
not
keep
it
to
ourselves
Love
will
out
All
the
rest
of
this
story
is
the
chronicle
of
that
Love
with
sustained
secrecy
cannot
be
love
It
is
just
exactly
the
point
people
do
not
understand
5
But
before
things
came
to
that
pass
some
months
and
many
phases
and
a
sudden
journey
to
America
intervened
This
thing
spells
disaster
I
said
You
are
too
big
and
I
am
too
big
to
attempt
this
secrecy
Think
of
the
intolerable
possibility
of
being
found
out
At
any
cost
we
have
to
stop
even
at
the
cost
of
parting
Just
because
we
may
be
found
out
Just
because
we
may
be
found
out
Master
I
shouldnt
in
the
least
mind
being
found
out
with
you
Im
afraid
Id
be
proud
Wait
till
it
happens
There
followed
a
struggle
of
immense
insincerity
between
us
It
is
hard
to
tell
who
urged
and
who
resisted
She
came
to
me
one
night
to
the
editorial
room
of
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
and
argued
and
kissed
me
with
wet
salt
lips
and
wept
in
my
arms
she
told
me
that
now
passionate
longing
for
me
and
my
intimate
life
possessed
her
so
that
she
could
not
work
could
not
think
could
not
endure
other
people
for
the
love
of
me
I
fled
absurdly
That
is
the
secret
of
the
futile
journey
to
America
that
puzzled
all
my
friends
I
ran
away
from
Isabel
I
took
hold
of
the
situation
with
all
my
strength
put
in
Britten
with
sketchy
hasty
instructions
to
edit
the
paper
and
started
headlong
and
with
luggage
from
which
among
other
things
my
shaving
things
were
omitted
upon
a
tour
round
the
world
Preposterous
flight
that
was
I
remember
as
a
thing
almost
farcical
my
explanations
to
Margaret
and
how
frantically
anxious
I
was
to
prevent
the
remote
possibility
of
her
coming
with
me
and
how
I
crossed
in
the
TUSCAN
a
bad
wet
boat
and
mixed
seasickness
with
ungovernable
sorrow
I
wept
tears
It
was
inexpressibly
queer
and
ridiculous
and
good
God
how
I
hated
my
fellow
passengers
New
York
inflamed
and
excited
me
for
a
time
and
when
things
slackened
I
whirled
westward
to
Chicago
eating
and
drinking
I
remember
in
the
train
from
shoals
of
little
dishes
with
a
sort
of
desperate
voracity
I
did
the
queerest
things
to
distract
myself
no
novelist
would
dare
to
invent
my
mental
and
emotional
muddle
Chicago
also
held
me
at
first
amazing
lapse
from
civilisation
that
the
place
is
and
then
abruptly
with
hosts
expecting
me
and
everything
settled
for
some
days
in
Denver
I
found
myself
at
the
end
of
my
renunciations
and
turned
and
came
back
headlong
to
London
Let
me
confess
it
wasnt
any
sense
of
perfect
and
incurable
trust
and
confidence
that
brought
me
back
or
any
idea
that
now
I
had
strength
to
refrain
It
was
a
sudden
realisation
that
after
all
the
separation
might
succeed
some
careless
phrasing
in
one
of
her
jealously
read
letters
set
that
idea
going
in
my
mind
the
haunting
perception
that
I
might
return
to
London
and
find
it
empty
of
the
Isabel
who
had
pervaded
it
Honour
discretion
the
careers
of
both
of
us
became
nothing
at
the
thought
I
couldnt
conceive
my
life
resuming
there
without
Isabel
I
couldnt
in
short
stand
it
I
dont
even
excuse
my
return
It
is
inexcusable
I
ought
to
have
kept
upon
my
way
westward
and
held
out
I
couldnt
I
wanted
Isabel
and
I
wanted
her
so
badly
now
that
everything
else
in
the
world
was
phantom
like
until
that
want
was
satisfied
Perhaps
you
have
never
wanted
anything
like
that
I
went
straight
to
her
But
here
I
come
to
untellable
things
There
is
no
describing
the
reality
of
love
The
shapes
of
things
are
nothing
the
actual
happenings
are
nothing
except
that
somehow
there
falls
a
light
upon
them
and
a
wonder
Of
how
we
met
and
the
thrill
of
the
adventure
the
curious
bright
sense
of
defiance
the
joy
of
having
dared
I
cant
tell
I
can
but
hint
of
just
one
aspect
of
what
an
amazing
LARK
its
the
only
word
it
seemed
to
us
The
beauty
which
was
the
essence
of
it
which
justifies
it
so
far
as
it
will
bear
justification
eludes
statement
What
can
a
record
of
contrived
meetings
of
sundering
difficulties
evaded
and
overcome
signify
here
Or
what
can
it
convey
to
say
that
one
looked
deep
into
two
dear
steadfast
eyes
or
felt
a
heart
throb
and
beat
or
gripped
soft
hair
softly
in
a
trembling
hand
Robbed
of
encompassing
love
these
things
are
of
no
more
value
than
the
taste
of
good
wine
or
the
sight
of
good
pictures
or
the
hearing
of
music
just
sensuality
and
no
more
No
one
can
tell
love
we
can
only
tell
the
gross
facts
of
love
and
its
consequences
Given
love
given
mutuality
and
one
has
effected
a
supreme
synthesis
and
come
to
a
new
level
of
life
but
only
those
who
know
can
know
This
business
has
brought
me
more
bitterness
and
sorrow
than
I
had
ever
expected
to
bear
but
even
now
I
will
not
say
that
I
regret
that
wilful
home
coming
altogether
We
loved
to
the
uttermost
Neither
of
us
could
have
loved
any
one
else
as
we
did
and
do
love
one
another
It
was
ours
that
beauty
it
existed
only
between
us
when
we
were
close
together
for
no
one
in
the
world
ever
to
know
save
ourselves
My
return
to
the
office
sticks
out
in
my
memory
with
an
extreme
vividness
because
of
the
wild
eagle
of
pride
that
screamed
within
me
It
was
Tuesday
morning
and
though
not
a
soul
in
London
knew
of
it
yet
except
Isabel
I
had
been
back
in
England
a
week
I
came
in
upon
Britten
and
stood
in
the
doorway
GOD
he
said
at
the
sight
of
me
Im
back
I
said
He
looked
at
my
excited
face
with
those
red
brown
eyes
of
his
Silently
I
defied
him
to
speak
his
mind
Where
did
you
turn
back
he
said
at
last
6
I
had
to
tell
what
were
so
far
as
I
can
remember
my
first
positive
lies
to
Margaret
in
explaining
that
return
I
had
written
to
her
from
Chicago
and
again
from
New
York
saying
that
I
felt
I
ought
to
be
on
the
spot
in
England
for
the
new
session
and
that
I
was
coming
back
presently
I
concealed
the
name
of
my
boat
from
her
and
made
a
calculated
prevarication
when
I
announced
my
presence
in
London
I
telephoned
before
I
went
back
for
my
rooms
to
be
prepared
She
was
I
knew
with
the
Bunting
Harblows
in
Durham
and
when
she
came
back
to
Radnor
Square
I
had
been
at
home
a
day
I
remember
her
return
so
well
My
going
away
and
the
vivid
secret
of
the
present
had
wiped
out
from
my
mind
much
of
our
long
estrangement
Something
too
had
changed
in
her
I
had
had
some
hint
of
it
in
her
letters
but
now
I
saw
it
plainly
I
came
out
of
my
study
upon
the
landing
when
I
heard
the
turmoil
of
her
arrival
below
and
she
came
upstairs
with
a
quickened
gladness
It
was
a
cold
March
and
she
was
dressed
in
unfamiliar
dark
furs
that
suited
her
extremely
and
reinforced
the
delicate
flush
of
her
sweet
face
She
held
out
both
her
hands
to
me
and
drew
me
to
her
unhesitatingly
and
kissed
me
So
glad
you
are
back
dear
she
said
Oh
so
very
glad
you
are
back
I
returned
her
kiss
with
a
queer
feeling
at
my
heart
too
undifferentiated
to
be
even
a
definite
sense
of
guilt
or
meanness
I
think
it
was
chiefly
amazement
at
the
universe
at
myself
I
never
knew
what
it
was
to
be
away
from
you
she
said
I
perceived
suddenly
that
she
had
resolved
to
end
our
estrangement
She
put
herself
so
that
my
arm
came
caressingly
about
her
These
are
jolly
furs
I
said
I
got
them
for
you
The
parlourmaid
appeared
below
dealing
with
the
maid
and
the
luggage
cab
Tell
me
all
about
America
said
Margaret
I
feel
as
though
youd
been
away
six
years
We
went
arm
in
arm
into
our
little
sitting
room
and
I
took
off
the
furs
for
her
and
sat
down
upon
the
chintz
covered
sofa
by
the
fire
She
had
ordered
tea
and
came
and
sat
by
me
I
dont
know
what
I
had
expected
but
of
all
things
I
had
certainly
not
expected
this
sudden
abolition
of
our
distances
I
want
to
know
all
about
America
she
repeated
with
her
eyes
scrutinising
me
Why
did
you
come
back
I
repeated
the
substance
of
my
letters
rather
lamely
and
she
sat
listening
But
why
did
you
turn
back
without
going
to
Denver
I
wanted
to
come
back
I
was
restless
Restlessness
she
said
and
thought
You
were
restless
in
Venice
You
said
it
was
restlessness
took
you
to
America
Again
she
studied
me
She
turned
a
little
awkwardly
to
her
tea
things
and
poured
needless
water
from
the
silver
kettle
into
the
teapot
Then
she
sat
still
for
some
moments
looking
at
the
equipage
with
expressionless
eyes
I
saw
her
hand
upon
the
edge
of
the
table
tremble
slightly
I
watched
her
closely
A
vague
uneasiness
possessed
me
What
might
she
not
know
or
guess
She
spoke
at
last
with
an
effort
I
wish
you
were
in
Parliament
again
she
said
Life
doesnt
give
you
events
enough
If
I
was
in
Parliament
again
I
should
be
on
the
Conservative
side
I
know
she
said
and
was
still
more
thoughtful
Lately
she
began
and
paused
Lately
Ive
been
reading
you
I
didnt
help
her
out
with
what
she
had
to
say
I
waited
I
didnt
understand
what
you
were
after
I
had
misjudged
I
didnt
know
I
think
perhaps
I
was
rather
stupid
Her
eyes
were
suddenly
shining
with
tears
You
didnt
give
me
much
chance
to
understand
She
turned
upon
me
suddenly
with
a
voice
full
of
tears
Husband
she
said
abruptly
holding
her
two
hands
out
to
me
I
want
to
begin
over
again
I
took
her
hands
perplexed
beyond
measure
My
dear
I
said
I
want
to
begin
over
again
I
bowed
my
head
to
hide
my
face
and
found
her
hand
in
mine
and
kissed
it
Ah
she
said
and
slowly
withdrew
her
hand
She
leant
forward
with
her
arm
on
the
sofa
back
and
looked
very
intently
into
my
face
I
felt
the
most
damnable
scoundrel
in
the
world
as
I
returned
her
gaze
The
thought
of
Isabels
darkly
shining
eyes
seemed
like
a
physical
presence
between
us
Tell
me
I
said
presently
to
break
the
intolerable
tension
tell
me
plainly
what
you
mean
by
this
I
sat
a
little
away
from
her
and
then
took
my
teacup
in
hand
with
an
odd
effect
of
defending
myself
Have
you
been
reading
that
old
book
of
mine
I
asked
That
and
the
paper
I
took
a
complete
set
from
the
beginning
down
to
Durham
with
me
I
have
read
it
over
thought
it
over
I
didnt
understand
what
you
were
teaching
There
was
a
little
pause
It
all
seems
so
plain
to
me
now
she
said
and
so
true
I
was
profoundly
disconcerted
I
put
down
my
teacup
stood
up
in
the
middle
of
the
hearthrug
and
began
talking
Im
tremendously
glad
Margaret
that
youve
come
to
see
Im
not
altogether
perverse
I
began
I
launched
out
into
a
rather
trite
and
windy
exposition
of
my
views
and
she
sat
close
to
me
on
the
sofa
looking
up
into
my
face
hanging
on
my
words
a
deliberate
and
invincible
convert
Yes
she
said
yes
I
had
never
doubted
my
new
conceptions
before
now
I
doubted
them
profoundly
But
I
went
on
talking
Its
the
grim
irony
in
the
lives
of
all
politicians
writers
public
teachers
that
once
the
audience
is
at
their
feet
a
new
loyalty
has
gripped
them
It
isnt
their
business
to
admit
doubt
and
imperfections
They
have
to
go
on
talking
And
I
was
now
so
accustomed
to
Isabels
vivid
interruptions
qualifications
restatements
and
confirmations
Margaret
and
I
dined
together
at
home
She
made
me
open
out
my
political
projects
to
her
I
have
been
foolish
she
said
I
want
to
help
And
by
some
excuse
I
have
forgotten
she
made
me
come
to
her
room
I
think
it
was
some
book
I
had
to
take
her
some
American
book
I
had
brought
back
with
me
and
mentioned
in
our
talk
I
walked
in
with
it
and
put
it
down
on
the
table
and
turned
to
go
Husband
she
cried
and
held
out
her
slender
arms
to
me
I
was
compelled
to
go
to
her
and
kiss
her
and
she
twined
them
softly
about
my
neck
and
drew
me
to
her
and
kissed
me
I
disentangled
them
very
gently
and
took
each
wrist
and
kissed
it
and
the
backs
of
her
hands
Good
night
I
said
There
came
a
little
pause
Good
night
Margaret
I
repeated
and
walked
very
deliberately
and
with
a
kind
of
sham
preoccupation
to
the
door
I
did
not
look
at
her
but
I
could
feel
her
standing
watching
me
If
I
had
looked
up
she
would
I
knew
have
held
out
her
arms
to
me
At
the
very
outset
that
secret
which
was
to
touch
no
one
but
Isabel
and
myself
had
reached
out
to
stab
another
human
being
7
The
whole
world
had
changed
for
Isabel
and
me
and
we
tried
to
pretend
that
nothing
had
changed
except
a
small
matter
between
us
We
believed
quite
honestly
at
that
time
that
it
was
possible
to
keep
this
thing
that
had
happened
from
any
reaction
at
all
save
perhaps
through
some
magically
enhanced
vigour
in
our
work
upon
the
world
about
us
Seen
in
retrospect
one
can
realise
the
absurdity
of
this
belief
within
a
week
I
realised
it
but
that
does
not
alter
the
fact
that
we
did
believe
as
much
and
that
people
who
are
deeply
in
love
and
unable
to
marry
will
continue
to
believe
so
to
the
very
end
of
time
They
will
continue
to
believe
out
of
existence
every
consideration
that
separates
them
until
they
have
come
together
Then
they
will
count
the
cost
as
we
two
had
to
do
I
am
telling
a
story
and
not
propounding
theories
in
this
book
and
chiefly
I
am
telling
of
the
ideas
and
influences
and
emotions
that
have
happened
to
me
me
as
a
sort
of
sounding
board
for
my
world
The
moralist
is
at
liberty
to
go
over
my
conduct
with
his
measure
and
say
At
this
point
or
at
that
you
went
wrong
and
you
ought
to
have
done
so
and
so
The
point
of
interest
to
the
statesman
is
that
it
didnt
for
a
moment
occur
to
us
to
do
so
and
so
when
the
time
for
doing
it
came
It
amazes
me
now
to
think
how
little
either
of
us
troubled
about
the
established
rights
or
wrongs
of
the
situation
We
hadnt
an
atom
of
respect
for
them
innate
or
acquired
The
guardians
of
public
morals
will
say
we
were
very
bad
people
I
submit
in
defence
that
they
are
very
bad
guardians
provocative
guardians
And
when
at
last
there
came
a
claim
against
us
that
had
an
effective
validity
for
us
we
were
in
the
full
tide
of
passionate
intimacy
I
had
a
night
of
nearly
sleepless
perplexity
after
Margarets
return
She
had
suddenly
presented
herself
to
me
like
something
dramatically
recalled
fine
generous
infinitely
capable
of
feeling
I
was
amazed
how
much
I
had
forgotten
her
In
my
contempt
for
vulgarised
and
conventionalised
honour
I
had
forgotten
that
for
me
there
was
such
a
reality
as
honour
And
here
it
was
warm
and
near
to
me
living
breathing
unsuspecting
Margarets
pride
was
my
honour
that
I
had
had
no
right
even
to
imperil
I
do
not
now
remember
if
I
thought
at
that
time
of
going
to
Isabel
and
putting
this
new
aspect
of
the
case
before
her
Perhaps
I
did
Perhaps
I
may
have
considered
even
then
the
possibility
of
ending
what
had
so
freshly
and
passionately
begun
If
I
did
it
vanished
next
day
at
the
sight
of
her
Whatever
regrets
came
in
the
darkness
the
daylight
brought
an
obstinate
confidence
in
our
resolution
again
We
would
we
declared
pull
the
thing
off
Margaret
must
not
know
Margaret
should
not
know
If
Margaret
did
not
know
then
no
harm
whatever
would
be
done
We
tried
to
sustain
that
For
a
brief
time
we
had
been
like
two
people
in
a
magic
cell
magically
cut
off
from
the
world
and
full
of
a
light
of
its
own
and
then
we
began
to
realise
that
we
were
not
in
the
least
cut
off
that
the
world
was
all
about
us
and
pressing
in
upon
us
limiting
us
threatening
us
resuming
possession
of
us
I
tried
to
ignore
the
injury
to
Margaret
of
her
unreciprocated
advances
I
tried
to
maintain
to
myself
that
this
hidden
love
made
no
difference
to
the
now
irreparable
breach
between
husband
and
wife
But
I
never
spoke
of
it
to
Isabel
or
let
her
see
that
aspect
of
our
case
How
could
I
The
time
for
that
had
gone
Then
in
new
shapes
and
relations
came
trouble
Distressful
elements
crept
in
by
reason
of
our
unavoidable
furtiveness
we
ignored
them
hid
them
from
each
other
and
attempted
to
hide
them
from
ourselves
Successful
love
is
a
thing
of
abounding
pride
and
we
had
to
be
secret
It
was
delightful
at
first
to
be
secret
a
whispering
warm
conspiracy
then
presently
it
became
irksome
and
a
little
shameful
Her
essential
frankness
of
soul
was
all
against
the
masks
and
falsehoods
that
many
women
would
have
enjoyed
Together
in
our
secrecy
we
relaxed
then
in
the
presence
of
other
people
again
it
was
tiresome
to
have
to
watch
for
the
careless
too
easy
phrase
to
snatch
back
ones
hand
from
the
limitless
betrayal
of
a
light
familiar
touch
Love
becomes
a
poor
thing
at
best
a
poor
beautiful
thing
if
it
develops
no
continuing
and
habitual
intimacy
We
were
always
meeting
and
most
gloriously
loving
and
beginning
and
then
we
had
to
snatch
at
remorseless
ticking
watches
hurry
to
catch
trains
and
go
back
to
this
or
that
That
is
all
very
well
for
the
intrigues
of
idle
people
perhaps
but
not
for
an
intense
personal
relationship
It
is
like
lighting
a
candle
for
the
sake
of
lighting
it
over
and
over
again
and
each
time
blowing
it
out
That
no
doubt
must
be
very
amusing
to
children
playing
with
the
matches
but
not
to
people
who
love
warm
light
and
want
it
in
order
to
do
fine
and
honourable
things
together
We
had
achieved
I
give
the
ugly
phrase
that
expresses
the
increasing
discolouration
in
my
mind
illicit
intercourse
To
end
at
that
we
now
perceived
wasnt
in
our
style
But
where
were
we
to
end
Perhaps
we
might
at
this
stage
have
given
it
up
I
think
if
we
could
have
seen
ahead
and
around
us
we
might
have
done
so
But
the
glow
of
our
cell
blinded
us
I
wonder
what
might
have
happened
if
at
that
time
we
had
given
it
up
We
propounded
it
we
met
again
in
secret
to
discuss
it
and
our
overpowering
passion
for
one
another
reduced
that
meeting
to
absurdity
Presently
the
idea
of
children
crept
between
us
It
came
in
from
all
our
conceptions
of
life
and
public
service
it
was
we
found
in
the
quality
of
our
minds
that
physical
love
without
children
is
a
little
weak
timorous
more
than
a
little
shameful
With
imaginative
people
there
very
speedily
comes
a
time
when
that
realisation
is
inevitable
We
hadnt
thought
of
that
before
it
isnt
natural
to
think
of
that
before
We
hadnt
known
There
is
no
literature
in
English
dealing
with
such
things
There
is
a
necessary
sequence
of
phases
in
love
These
came
in
their
order
and
with
them
unanticipated
tarnishings
on
the
first
bright
perfection
of
our
relations
For
a
time
these
developing
phases
were
no
more
than
a
secret
and
private
trouble
between
us
little
shadows
spreading
by
imperceptible
degrees
across
that
vivid
and
luminous
cell
8
The
Handitch
election
flung
me
suddenly
into
prominence
It
is
still
only
two
years
since
that
struggle
and
I
will
not
trouble
the
reader
with
a
detailed
history
of
events
that
must
be
quite
sufficiently
present
in
his
mind
for
my
purpose
already
Huge
stacks
of
journalism
have
dealt
with
Handitch
and
its
significance
For
the
reader
very
probably
as
for
most
people
outside
a
comparatively
small
circle
it
meant
my
emergence
from
obscurity
We
obtruded
no
editors
name
in
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
I
had
never
as
yet
been
on
the
London
hoardings
Before
Handitch
I
was
a
journalist
and
writer
of
no
great
public
standing
after
Handitch
I
was
definitely
a
person
in
the
little
group
of
persons
who
stood
for
the
Young
Imperialist
movement
Handitch
was
to
a
very
large
extent
my
affair
I
realised
then
as
a
man
comes
to
do
how
much
one
can
still
grow
after
seven
and
twenty
In
the
second
election
I
was
a
man
taking
hold
of
things
at
Kinghamstead
I
had
been
simply
a
young
candidate
a
party
unit
led
about
the
constituency
told
to
do
this
and
that
and
finally
washed
in
by
the
great
Anti
Imperialist
flood
like
a
starfish
rolling
up
a
beach
My
feminist
views
had
earnt
the
mistrust
of
the
party
and
I
do
not
think
I
should
have
got
the
chance
of
Handitch
or
indeed
any
chance
at
all
of
Parliament
for
a
long
time
if
it
had
not
been
that
the
seat
with
its
long
record
of
Liberal
victories
and
its
Liberal
majority
of
3642
at
the
last
election
offered
a
hopeless
contest
The
Liberal
dissensions
and
the
belated
but
by
no
means
contemptible
Socialist
candidate
were
providential
interpositions
I
think
however
the
conduct
of
Gane
Crupp
and
Tarvrille
in
coming
down
to
fight
for
me
did
count
tremendously
in
my
favour
We
arent
going
to
win
perhaps
said
Crupp
but
we
are
going
to
talk
And
until
the
very
eve
of
victory
we
treated
Handitch
not
so
much
as
a
battlefield
as
a
hoarding
And
so
it
was
the
Endowment
of
Motherhood
as
a
practical
form
of
Eugenics
got
into
English
politics
Plutus
our
agent
was
scared
out
of
his
wits
when
the
thing
began
Theyre
ascribing
all
sorts
of
queer
ideas
to
you
about
the
Family
he
said
I
think
the
Family
exists
for
the
good
of
the
children
I
said
is
that
queer
Not
when
you
explain
it
but
they
wont
let
you
explain
it
And
about
marriage
Im
all
right
about
marriage
trust
me
Of
course
if
YOU
had
children
said
Plutus
rather
inconsiderately
They
opened
fire
upon
me
in
a
little
electioneering
rag
call
the
HANDITCH
SENTINEL
with
a
string
of
garbled
quotations
and
misrepresentations
that
gave
me
an
admirable
text
for
a
speech
I
spoke
for
an
hour
and
ten
minutes
with
a
more
and
more
crumpled
copy
of
the
SENTINEL
in
my
hand
and
I
made
the
fullest
and
completest
exposition
of
the
idea
of
endowing
motherhood
that
I
think
had
ever
been
made
up
to
that
time
in
England
Its
effect
on
the
press
was
extraordinary
The
Liberal
papers
gave
me
quite
unprecedented
space
under
the
impression
that
I
had
only
to
be
given
rope
to
hang
myself
the
Conservatives
cut
me
down
or
tried
to
justify
me
the
whole
country
was
talking
I
had
had
a
pamphlet
in
type
upon
the
subject
and
I
revised
this
carefully
and
put
it
on
the
book
stalls
within
three
days
It
sold
enormously
and
brought
me
bushels
of
letters
We
issued
over
three
thousand
in
Handitch
alone
At
meeting
after
meeting
I
was
heckled
upon
nothing
else
Long
before
polling
day
Plutus
was
converted
Its
catching
on
like
old
age
pensions
he
said
Weve
dished
the
Liberals
To
think
that
such
a
project
should
come
from
our
side
But
it
was
only
with
the
declaration
of
the
poll
that
my
battle
was
won
No
one
expected
more
than
a
snatch
victory
and
I
was
in
by
over
fifteen
hundred
At
one
bound
Cossingtons
papers
passed
from
apologetics
varied
by
repudiation
to
triumphant
praise
A
renascent
England
breeding
men
said
the
leader
in
his
chief
daily
on
the
morning
after
the
polling
and
claimed
that
the
Conservatives
had
been
ever
the
pioneers
in
sanely
bold
constructive
projects
I
came
up
to
London
with
a
weary
but
rejoicing
Margaret
by
the
night
train
CHAPTER
THE
SECOND
THE
IMPOSSIBLE
POSITION
1
To
any
one
who
did
not
know
of
that
glowing
secret
between
Isabel
and
myself
I
might
well
have
appeared
at
that
time
the
most
successful
and
enviable
of
men
I
had
recovered
rapidly
from
an
uncongenial
start
in
political
life
I
had
become
a
considerable
force
through
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
and
was
shaping
an
increasingly
influential
body
of
opinion
I
had
re
entered
Parliament
with
quite
dramatic
distinction
and
in
spite
of
a
certain
faltering
on
the
part
of
the
orthodox
Conservatives
towards
the
bolder
elements
in
our
propaganda
I
had
loyal
and
unenvious
associates
who
were
making
me
a
power
in
the
party
People
were
coming
to
our
group
understandings
were
developing
It
was
clear
we
should
play
a
prominent
part
in
the
next
general
election
and
that
given
a
Conservative
victory
I
should
be
assured
of
office
The
world
opened
out
to
me
brightly
and
invitingly
Great
schemes
took
shape
in
my
mind
always
more
concrete
always
more
practicable
the
years
ahead
seemed
falling
into
order
shining
with
the
credible
promise
of
immense
achievement
And
at
the
heart
of
it
all
unseen
and
unsuspected
was
the
secret
of
my
relations
with
Isabel
like
a
seed
that
germinates
and
thrusts
thrusts
relentlessly
From
the
onset
of
the
Handitch
contest
onward
my
meetings
with
her
had
been
more
and
more
pervaded
by
the
discussion
of
our
situation
It
had
innumerable
aspects
It
was
very
present
to
us
that
we
wanted
to
be
together
as
much
as
possible
we
were
beginning
to
long
very
much
for
actual
living
together
in
the
same
house
so
that
one
could
come
as
it
were
carelessly
unawares
upon
the
other
busy
perhaps
about
some
trivial
thing
We
wanted
to
feel
each
other
in
the
daily
atmosphere
Preceding
our
imperatively
sterile
passion
you
must
remember
outside
it
altogether
greater
than
it
so
far
as
our
individual
lives
were
concerned
there
had
grown
and
still
grew
an
enormous
affection
and
intellectual
sympathy
between
us
We
brought
all
our
impressions
and
all
our
ideas
to
each
other
to
see
them
in
each
others
light
It
is
hard
to
convey
that
quality
of
intellectual
unison
to
any
one
who
has
not
experienced
it
I
thought
more
and
more
in
terms
of
conversation
with
Isabel
her
possible
comments
upon
things
would
flash
into
my
mind
oh
with
the
very
sound
of
her
voice
I
remember
too
the
odd
effect
of
seeing
her
in
the
distance
going
about
Handitch
like
any
stranger
canvasser
the
queer
emotion
of
her
approach
along
the
street
the
greeting
as
she
passed
The
morning
of
the
polling
she
vanished
from
the
constituency
I
saw
her
for
an
instant
in
the
passage
behind
our
Committee
rooms
Going
said
I
She
nodded
Stay
it
out
I
want
you
to
see
the
fun
I
remember
the
other
time
She
didnt
answer
for
a
moment
or
so
and
stood
with
face
averted
Its
Margarets
show
she
said
abruptly
If
I
see
her
smiling
there
like
a
queen
by
your
side
She
did
last
time
I
remember
She
caught
at
a
sob
and
dashed
her
hand
across
her
face
impatiently
Jealous
fool
mean
and
petty
jealous
fool
Good
luck
old
man
to
you
Youre
going
to
win
But
I
dont
want
to
see
the
end
of
it
all
the
same
Good
bye
said
I
clasping
her
hand
as
some
supporter
appeared
in
the
passage
I
came
back
to
London
victorious
and
a
little
flushed
and
coarse
with
victory
and
so
soon
as
I
could
break
away
I
went
to
Isabels
flat
and
found
her
white
and
worn
with
the
stain
of
secret
weeping
about
her
eyes
I
came
into
the
room
to
her
and
shut
the
door
You
said
Id
win
I
said
and
held
out
my
arms
She
hugged
me
closely
for
a
moment
My
dear
I
whispered
its
nothing
without
you
nothing
We
didnt
speak
for
some
seconds
Then
she
slipped
from
my
hold
Look
she
said
smiling
like
winter
sunshine
Ive
had
in
all
the
morning
papers
the
pile
of
them
and
you
resounding
Its
more
than
I
dared
hope
Or
I
She
stood
for
a
moment
still
smiling
bravely
and
then
she
was
sobbing
in
my
arms
The
bigger
you
are
the
more
you
show
she
said
the
more
we
are
parted
I
know
I
know
I
held
her
close
to
me
making
no
answer
Presently
she
became
still
Oh
well
she
said
and
wiped
her
eyes
and
sat
down
on
the
little
sofa
by
the
fire
and
I
sat
down
beside
her
I
didnt
know
all
there
was
in
love
she
said
staring
at
the
coals
when
we
went
love
making
I
put
my
arm
behind
her
and
took
a
handful
of
her
dear
soft
hair
in
my
hand
and
kissed
it
Youve
done
a
great
thing
this
time
she
said
Handitch
will
make
you
It
opens
big
chances
I
said
But
why
are
you
weeping
dear
one
Envy
she
said
and
love
Youre
not
lonely
Ive
plenty
to
do
and
lots
of
people
Well
I
want
you
Youve
got
me
She
put
her
arm
about
me
and
kissed
me
I
want
you
she
said
just
as
if
I
had
nothing
of
you
You
dont
understand
how
a
woman
wants
a
man
I
thought
once
if
I
just
gave
myself
to
you
it
would
be
enough
It
was
nothing
it
was
just
a
step
across
the
threshold
My
dear
every
moment
you
are
away
I
ache
for
you
ache
I
want
to
be
about
when
it
isnt
love
making
or
talk
I
want
to
be
doing
things
for
you
and
watching
you
when
youre
not
thinking
of
me
All
those
safe
careless
intimate
things
And
something
else
She
stopped
Dear
I
dont
want
to
bother
you
I
just
want
you
to
know
I
love
you
She
caught
my
head
in
her
hands
and
kissed
it
then
stood
up
abruptly
I
looked
up
at
her
a
little
perplexed
Dear
heart
said
I
isnt
this
enough
Youre
my
councillor
my
colleague
my
right
hand
the
secret
soul
of
my
life
And
I
want
to
darn
your
socks
she
said
smiling
back
at
me
Youre
insatiable
She
smiled
No
she
said
Im
not
insatiable
Master
But
Im
a
woman
in
love
And
Im
finding
out
what
I
want
and
what
is
necessary
to
me
and
what
I
cant
have
Thats
all
We
get
a
lot
We
want
a
lot
You
and
I
are
greedy
people
for
the
things
we
like
Master
Its
very
evident
weve
got
nearly
all
we
can
ever
have
of
one
another
and
Im
not
satisfied
What
more
is
there
For
you
very
little
I
wonder
For
me
every
thing
Yes
everything
You
didnt
mean
it
Master
you
didnt
know
any
more
than
I
did
when
I
began
but
love
between
a
man
and
a
woman
is
sometimes
very
one
sided
Fearfully
one
sided
Thats
all
Dont
YOU
ever
want
children
she
said
abruptly
I
suppose
I
do
You
dont
I
havent
thought
of
them
A
man
doesnt
perhaps
But
I
have
I
want
them
like
hunger
YOUR
children
and
home
with
you
Really
continually
you
Thats
the
trouble
I
cant
have
em
Master
and
I
cant
have
you
She
was
crying
and
through
her
tears
she
laughed
Im
going
to
make
a
scene
she
said
and
get
this
over
Im
so
discontented
and
miserable
Ive
got
to
tell
you
It
would
come
between
us
if
I
didnt
Im
in
love
with
you
with
everything
with
all
my
brains
Ill
pull
through
all
right
Ill
be
good
Master
never
you
fear
But
to
day
Im
crying
out
with
all
my
being
This
election
Youre
going
up
youre
going
on
In
these
papers
youre
a
great
big
fact
Its
suddenly
come
home
to
me
At
the
back
of
my
mind
Ive
always
had
the
idea
I
was
going
to
have
you
somehow
presently
for
myself
I
mean
to
have
you
to
go
long
tramps
with
to
keep
house
for
to
get
meals
for
to
watch
for
of
an
evening
Its
a
sort
of
habitual
background
to
my
thought
of
you
And
its
nonsense
utter
nonsense
She
stopped
She
was
crying
and
choking
And
the
child
you
know
the
child
I
was
troubled
beyond
measure
but
Handitch
and
its
intimations
were
clear
and
strong
We
cant
have
that
I
said
No
she
said
we
cant
have
that
Weve
got
our
own
things
to
do
YOUR
things
she
said
Arent
they
yours
too
Because
of
you
she
said
Arent
they
your
very
own
things
Women
dont
have
that
sort
of
very
own
thing
Indeed
its
true
And
think
Youve
been
down
there
preaching
the
goodness
of
children
telling
them
the
only
good
thing
in
a
state
is
happy
hopeful
children
working
to
free
mothers
and
children
And
we
give
our
own
children
to
do
it
I
said
Yes
she
said
And
sometimes
I
think
its
too
much
to
give
too
much
altogether
Children
get
into
a
womans
brain
when
she
mustnt
have
them
especially
when
she
must
never
hope
for
them
Think
of
the
child
we
might
have
now
the
little
creature
with
soft
tender
skin
and
little
hands
and
little
feet
At
times
it
haunts
me
It
comes
and
says
Why
wasnt
I
given
life
I
can
hear
it
in
the
night
The
world
is
full
of
such
little
ghosts
dear
lover
little
things
that
asked
for
life
and
were
refused
They
clamour
to
me
Its
like
a
little
fist
beating
at
my
heart
Love
children
beautiful
children
Little
cold
hands
that
tear
at
my
heart
Oh
my
heart
and
my
lord
She
was
holding
my
arm
with
both
her
hands
and
weeping
against
it
and
now
she
drew
herself
to
my
shoulder
and
wept
and
sobbed
in
my
embrace
I
shall
never
sit
with
your
child
on
my
knee
and
you
beside
me
never
and
I
am
a
woman
and
your
lover
2
But
the
profound
impossibility
of
our
relation
was
now
becoming
more
and
more
apparent
to
us
We
found
ourselves
seeking
justification
clinging
passionately
to
a
situation
that
was
coldly
pitilessly
impossible
and
fated
We
wanted
quite
intensely
to
live
together
and
have
a
child
but
also
we
wanted
very
many
other
things
that
were
incompatible
with
these
desires
It
was
extraordinarily
difficult
to
weigh
our
political
and
intellectual
ambitions
against
those
intimate
wishes
The
weights
kept
altering
according
as
one
found
oneself
grasping
this
valued
thing
or
that
It
wasnt
as
if
we
could
throw
everything
aside
for
our
love
and
have
that
as
we
wanted
it
Love
such
as
we
bore
one
another
isnt
altogether
or
even
chiefly
a
thing
in
itself
it
is
for
the
most
part
a
value
set
upon
things
Our
love
was
interwoven
with
all
our
other
interests
to
go
out
of
the
world
and
live
in
isolation
seemed
to
us
like
killing
the
best
parts
of
each
other
we
loved
the
sight
of
each
other
engaged
finely
and
characteristically
we
knew
each
other
best
as
activities
We
had
no
delusions
about
material
facts
we
didnt
want
each
other
alive
or
dead
we
wanted
each
other
fully
alive
We
wanted
to
do
big
things
together
and
for
us
to
take
each
other
openly
and
desperately
would
leave
us
nothing
in
the
world
to
do
We
wanted
children
indeed
passionately
but
children
with
every
helpful
chance
in
the
world
and
children
born
in
scandal
would
be
handicapped
at
every
turn
We
wanted
to
share
a
home
and
not
a
solitude
And
when
we
were
at
this
stage
of
realisation
began
the
intimations
that
we
were
found
out
and
that
scandal
was
afoot
against
us
I
heard
of
it
first
from
Esmeer
who
deliberately
mentioned
it
with
that
steady
grey
eye
of
his
watching
me
as
an
instance
of
the
preposterous
falsehoods
people
will
circulate
It
came
to
Isabel
almost
simultaneously
through
a
married
college
friend
who
made
it
her
business
to
demand
either
confirmation
or
denial
It
filled
us
both
with
consternation
In
the
surprise
of
the
moment
Isabel
admitted
her
secret
and
her
friend
went
off
reserving
her
freedom
of
action
Discovery
broke
out
in
every
direction
Friends
with
grave
faces
and
an
atmosphere
of
infinite
tact
invaded
us
both
Other
friends
ceased
to
invade
either
of
us
It
was
manifest
we
had
become
we
knew
not
how
a
private
scandal
a
subject
for
duologues
an
amazement
a
perplexity
a
vivid
interest
In
a
few
brief
weeks
it
seemed
London
passed
from
absolute
unsuspiciousness
to
a
chattering
exaggeration
of
its
knowledge
of
our
relations
It
was
just
the
most
inappropriate
time
for
that
disclosure
The
long
smouldering
antagonism
to
my
endowment
of
motherhood
ideas
had
flared
up
into
an
active
campaign
in
the
EXPURGATOR
and
it
would
be
altogether
disastrous
to
us
if
I
should
be
convicted
of
any
personal
irregularity
It
was
just
because
of
the
manifest
and
challenging
respectability
of
my
position
that
I
had
been
able
to
carry
the
thing
as
far
as
I
had
done
Now
suddenly
my
fortunes
had
sprung
a
leak
and
scandal
was
pouring
in
It
chanced
too
that
a
wave
of
moral
intolerance
was
sweeping
through
London
one
of
those
waves
in
which
the
bitterness
of
the
consciously
just
finds
an
ally
in
the
panic
of
the
undiscovered
A
certain
Father
Blodgett
had
been
preaching
against
social
corruption
with
extraordinary
force
and
had
roused
the
Church
of
England
people
to
a
kind
of
competition
in
denunciation
The
old
methods
of
the
Anti
Socialist
campaign
had
been
renewed
and
had
offered
far
too
wide
a
scope
and
too
tempting
an
opportunity
for
private
animosity
to
be
restricted
to
the
private
affairs
of
the
Socialists
I
had
intimations
of
an
extensive
circulation
of
private
and
confidential
letters
I
think
there
can
be
nothing
else
in
life
quite
like
the
unnerving
realisation
that
rumour
and
scandal
are
afoot
about
one
Abruptly
ones
confidence
in
the
solidity
of
the
universe
disappears
One
walks
silenced
through
a
world
that
one
feels
to
be
full
of
inaudible
accusations
One
cannot
challenge
the
assault
get
it
out
into
the
open
separate
truth
and
falsehood
It
slinks
from
you
turns
aside
its
face
Old
acquaintances
suddenly
evaded
me
made
extraordinary
excuses
men
who
had
presumed
on
the
verge
of
my
world
and
pestered
me
with
an
intrusive
enterprise
now
took
the
bold
step
of
flat
repudiation
I
became
doubtful
about
the
return
of
a
nod
retracted
all
those
tentacles
of
easy
civility
that
I
had
hitherto
spread
to
the
world
I
still
grow
warm
with
amazed
indignation
when
I
recall
that
Edward
Crampton
meeting
me
full
on
the
steps
of
the
Climax
Club
cut
me
dead
By
God
I
cried
and
came
near
catching
him
by
the
throat
and
wringing
out
of
him
what
of
all
good
deeds
and
bad
could
hearten
him
a
younger
man
than
I
and
empty
beyond
comparison
to
dare
to
play
the
judge
to
me
And
then
I
had
an
open
slight
from
Mrs
Millingham
whom
I
had
counted
on
as
one
counts
upon
the
sunrise
I
had
not
expected
things
of
that
sort
they
were
disconcerting
beyond
measure
it
was
as
if
the
world
were
giving
way
beneath
my
feet
as
though
something
failed
in
the
essential
confidence
of
life
as
though
a
hand
of
wet
ice
had
touched
my
heart
Similar
things
were
happening
to
Isabel
Yet
we
went
on
working
visiting
meeting
trying
to
ignore
this
gathering
of
implacable
forces
against
us
For
a
time
I
was
perplexed
beyond
measure
to
account
for
this
campaign
Then
I
got
a
clue
The
centre
of
diffusion
was
the
Bailey
household
The
Baileys
had
never
forgiven
me
my
abandonment
of
the
young
Liberal
group
they
had
done
so
much
to
inspire
and
organise
their
dinner
table
had
long
been
a
scene
of
hostile
depreciation
of
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
and
all
its
allies
week
after
week
Altiora
proclaimed
that
I
was
doing
nothing
and
found
other
causes
for
our
bye
election
triumphs
I
counted
Chambers
Street
a
dangerous
place
for
me
Yet
nevertheless
I
was
astonished
to
find
them
using
a
private
scandal
against
me
They
did
I
think
Handitch
had
filled
up
the
measure
of
their
bitterness
for
I
had
not
only
abandoned
them
but
I
was
succeeding
beyond
even
their
power
of
misrepresentation
Always
I
had
been
a
wasp
in
their
spiders
web
difficult
to
claim
as
a
tool
uncritical
antagonistic
I
admired
their
work
and
devotion
enormously
but
I
had
never
concealed
my
contempt
for
a
certain
childish
vanity
they
displayed
and
for
the
frequent
puerility
of
their
political
intrigues
I
suppose
contempt
galls
more
than
injuries
and
anyhow
they
had
me
now
They
had
me
Bailey
I
found
was
warning
fathers
of
girls
against
me
as
a
reckless
libertine
and
Altiora
flushed
roguish
and
dishevelled
was
sitting
on
her
fender
curb
after
dinner
and
pledging
little
parties
of
five
or
six
women
at
a
time
with
infinite
gusto
not
to
let
the
matter
go
further
Our
cell
was
open
to
the
world
and
a
bleak
distressful
daylight
streaming
in
I
had
a
gleam
of
a
more
intimate
motive
in
Altiora
from
the
reports
that
came
to
me
Isabel
had
been
doing
a
series
of
five
or
six
articles
in
the
POLITICAL
REVIEW
in
support
of
our
campaign
the
POLITICAL
REVIEW
which
had
hitherto
been
loyally
Baileyite
Quite
her
best
writing
up
to
the
present
at
any
rate
is
in
those
papers
and
no
doubt
Altiora
had
had
not
only
to
read
her
in
those
invaded
columns
but
listen
to
her
praises
in
the
mouths
of
the
tactless
influential
Altiora
like
so
many
people
who
rely
on
gesture
and
vocal
insistence
in
conversation
writes
a
poor
and
slovenly
prose
and
handles
an
argument
badly
Isabel
has
her
University
training
behind
her
and
wrote
from
the
first
with
the
stark
power
of
a
clear
headed
man
Now
we
know
said
Altiora
with
just
a
gleam
of
malice
showing
through
her
brightness
now
we
know
who
helps
with
the
writing
She
revealed
astonishing
knowledge
For
a
time
I
couldnt
for
the
life
of
me
discover
her
sources
I
had
indeed
a
desperate
intention
of
challenging
her
and
then
I
bethought
me
of
a
youngster
named
Curmain
who
had
been
my
supplemental
typist
and
secretary
for
a
time
and
whom
I
had
sent
on
to
her
before
the
days
of
our
breach
Of
course
said
I
Curmain
He
was
a
tall
drooping
sidelong
youth
with
sandy
hair
a
little
forward
head
and
a
long
thin
neck
He
stole
stamps
and
I
suspected
rifled
my
private
letter
drawer
and
I
found
him
one
day
on
a
turn
of
the
stairs
looking
guilty
and
ruffled
with
a
pretty
Irish
housemaid
of
Margarets
manifestly
in
a
state
of
hot
indignation
I
saw
nothing
but
I
felt
everything
in
the
air
between
them
I
hate
this
pestering
of
servants
but
at
the
same
time
I
didnt
want
Curmain
wiped
out
of
existence
so
I
had
packed
him
off
without
unnecessary
discussion
to
Altiora
He
was
quick
and
cheap
anyhow
and
I
thought
her
general
austerity
ought
to
redeem
him
if
anything
could
the
Chambers
Street
housemaid
wasnt
for
any
mans
kissing
and
showed
it
and
the
stamps
and
private
letters
were
looked
after
with
an
efficiency
altogether
surpassing
mine
And
Altiora
Ive
no
doubt
left
now
whatever
pumped
this
young
undesirable
about
me
and
scenting
a
story
had
him
to
dinner
alone
one
evening
to
get
to
the
bottom
of
the
matter
She
got
quite
to
the
bottom
of
it
it
must
have
been
a
queer
duologue
She
read
Isabels
careless
intimate
letters
to
me
so
to
speak
by
this
proxy
and
she
wasnt
ashamed
to
use
this
information
in
the
service
of
the
bitterness
that
had
sprung
up
in
her
since
our
political
breach
It
was
essentially
a
personal
bitterness
it
helped
no
public
purpose
of
theirs
to
get
rid
of
me
My
downfall
in
any
public
sense
was
sheer
waste
the
loss
of
a
man
She
knew
she
was
behaving
badly
and
so
when
it
came
to
remonstrance
she
behaved
worse
Shed
got
names
and
dates
and
places
the
efficiency
of
her
information
was
irresistible
And
she
set
to
work
at
it
marvellously
Never
before
in
all
her
pursuit
of
efficient
ideals
had
Altiora
achieved
such
levels
of
efficiency
I
wrote
a
protest
that
was
perhaps
ill
advised
and
angry
I
went
to
her
and
tried
to
stop
her
She
wouldnt
listen
she
wouldnt
think
she
denied
and
lied
she
behaved
like
a
naughty
child
of
six
years
old
which
has
made
up
its
mind
to
be
hurtful
It
wasnt
only
I
think
that
she
couldnt
bear
our
political
and
social
influence
she
also
I
realised
at
that
interview
couldnt
bear
our
loving
It
seemed
to
her
the
sickliest
thing
a
thing
quite
unendurable
While
such
things
were
the
virtue
had
gone
out
of
her
world
Ive
the
vividest
memory
of
that
call
of
mine
Shed
just
come
in
and
taken
off
her
hat
and
she
was
grey
and
dishevelled
and
tired
and
in
a
business
like
dress
of
black
and
crimson
that
didnt
suit
her
and
was
muddy
about
the
skirts
shed
a
cold
in
her
head
and
sniffed
penetratingly
she
avoided
my
eye
as
she
talked
and
interrupted
everything
I
had
to
say
she
kept
stabbing
fiercely
at
the
cushions
of
her
sofa
with
a
long
hat
pin
and
pretending
she
was
overwhelmed
with
grief
at
the
DEBACLE
she
was
deliberately
organising
Then
part
she
cried
part
If
you
dont
want
a
smashing
up
part
You
two
have
got
to
be
parted
Youve
got
never
to
see
each
other
ever
never
to
speak
There
was
a
zest
in
her
voice
Were
not
circulating
stories
she
denied
No
And
Curmain
never
told
us
anything
Curmain
is
an
EXCELLENT
young
man
oh
a
quite
excellent
young
man
You
misjudged
him
altogether
I
was
equally
unsuccessful
with
Bailey
I
caught
the
little
wretch
in
the
League
Club
and
he
wriggled
and
lied
He
wouldnt
say
where
he
had
got
his
facts
he
wouldnt
admit
he
had
told
any
one
When
I
gave
him
the
names
of
two
men
who
had
come
to
me
astonished
and
incredulous
he
attempted
absurdly
to
make
me
think
they
had
told
HIM
He
did
his
horrible
little
best
to
suggest
that
honest
old
Quackett
who
had
just
left
England
for
the
Cape
was
the
real
scandalmonger
That
struck
me
as
mean
even
for
Bailey
Ive
still
the
odd
vivid
impression
of
his
fluting
voice
excusing
the
inexcusable
his
big
shifty
face
evading
me
his
perspiration
beaded
forehead
the
shrugging
shoulders
and
the
would
be
exculpatory
gestures
Houndsditch
gestures
of
his
enormous
ugly
hands
I
can
assure
you
my
dear
fellow
he
said
I
can
assure
you
weve
done
everything
to
shield
you
everything
3
Isabel
came
after
dinner
one
evening
and
talked
in
the
office
She
made
a
white
robed
dusky
figure
against
the
deep
blues
of
my
big
window
I
sat
at
my
desk
and
tore
a
quill
pen
to
pieces
as
I
talked
The
Baileys
dont
intend
to
let
this
drop
I
said
They
mean
that
every
one
in
London
is
to
know
about
it
I
know
Well
I
said
Dear
heart
said
Isabel
facing
it
its
no
good
waiting
for
things
to
overtake
us
were
at
the
parting
of
the
ways
What
are
we
to
do
They
wont
let
us
go
on
Damn
them
They
are
ORGANISING
scandal
Its
no
good
waiting
for
things
to
overtake
us
I
echoed
they
have
overtaken
us
I
turned
on
her
What
do
you
want
to
do
Everything
she
said
Keep
you
and
have
our
work
Arent
we
Mates
We
cant
And
we
cant
Ive
got
to
tell
Margaret
I
said
Margaret
I
cant
bear
the
idea
of
any
one
else
getting
in
front
with
it
Ive
been
wincing
about
Margaret
secretly
I
know
Youll
have
to
tell
her
and
make
your
peace
with
her
She
leant
back
against
the
bookcases
under
the
window
Weve
had
some
good
times
Master
she
said
with
a
sigh
in
her
voice
And
then
for
a
long
time
we
stared
at
one
another
in
silence
We
havent
much
time
left
she
said
Shall
we
bolt
I
said
And
leave
all
this
she
asked
with
her
eyes
going
round
the
room
And
that
And
her
head
indicated
Westminster
No
I
said
no
more
of
bolting
Weve
got
to
screw
ourselves
up
to
surrender
she
said
Something
A
lot
Master
she
said
it
isnt
all
sex
and
stuff
between
us
No
I
cant
give
up
the
work
Our
works
my
life
We
came
upon
another
long
pause
No
one
will
believe
weve
ceased
to
be
lovers
if
we
simply
do
she
said
We
shouldnt
Weve
got
to
do
something
more
parting
than
that
I
nodded
and
again
we
paused
She
was
coming
to
something
I
could
marry
Shoesmith
she
said
abruptly
But
I
objected
He
knows
It
wasnt
fair
I
told
him
Oh
that
explains
I
said
Theres
been
a
kind
of
sulkiness
But
you
told
him
She
nodded
Hes
rather
badly
hurt
she
said
Hes
been
a
good
friend
to
me
Hes
curiously
loyal
But
something
something
he
said
one
day
forced
me
to
let
him
know
Thats
been
the
beastliness
of
all
this
secrecy
Thats
the
beastliness
of
all
secrecy
You
have
to
spring
surprises
on
people
But
he
keeps
on
Hes
steadfast
Hed
already
suspected
He
wants
me
very
badly
to
marry
him
But
you
dont
want
to
marry
him
Im
forced
to
think
of
it
But
does
he
want
to
marry
you
at
that
Take
you
as
a
present
from
the
world
at
large
against
your
will
and
desire
I
dont
understand
him
He
cares
for
me
How
He
thinks
this
is
a
fearful
mess
for
me
He
wants
to
pull
it
straight
We
sat
for
a
time
in
silence
with
imaginations
that
obstinately
refused
to
take
up
the
realities
of
this
proposition
I
dont
want
you
to
marry
Shoesmith
I
said
at
last
Dont
you
like
him
Not
as
your
husband
Hes
a
very
clever
and
sturdy
person
and
very
generous
and
devoted
to
me
And
me
You
cant
expect
that
He
thinks
you
are
wonderful
and
naturally
that
you
ought
not
to
have
started
this
Ive
a
curious
dislike
to
any
one
thinking
that
but
myself
Im
quite
ready
to
think
it
myself
Hed
let
us
be
friends
and
meet
Let
us
be
friends
I
cried
after
a
long
pause
You
and
me
He
wants
me
to
be
engaged
soon
Then
he
says
he
can
go
round
fighting
these
rumours
defending
us
both
and
force
a
quarrel
on
the
Baileys
I
dont
understand
him
I
said
and
added
I
dont
understand
you
I
was
staring
at
her
face
It
seemed
white
and
set
in
the
dimness
Do
you
really
mean
this
Isabel
I
asked
What
else
is
there
to
do
my
dear
what
else
is
there
to
do
at
all
Ive
been
thinking
day
and
night
You
cant
go
away
with
me
You
cant
smash
yourself
suddenly
in
the
sight
of
all
men
Id
rather
die
than
that
should
happen
Look
what
you
are
becoming
in
the
country
Look
at
all
youve
built
up
me
helping
I
wouldnt
let
you
do
it
if
you
could
I
wouldnt
let
you
if
it
were
only
for
Margarets
sake
THIS
closes
the
scandal
closes
everything
It
closes
all
our
life
together
I
cried
She
was
silent
It
never
ought
to
have
begun
I
said
She
winced
Then
abruptly
she
was
on
her
knees
before
me
with
her
hands
upon
my
shoulder
and
her
eyes
meeting
mine
My
dear
she
said
very
earnestly
dont
misunderstand
me
Dont
think
Im
retreating
from
the
things
weve
done
Our
love
is
the
best
thing
I
could
ever
have
had
from
life
Nothing
can
ever
equal
it
nothing
could
ever
equal
the
beauty
and
delight
you
and
I
have
had
together
Never
You
have
loved
me
you
do
love
me
No
one
could
ever
know
how
to
love
you
as
I
have
loved
you
no
one
could
ever
love
me
as
you
have
loved
me
my
king
And
its
just
because
its
been
so
splendid
dear
its
just
because
Id
die
rather
than
have
a
tithe
of
all
this
wiped
out
of
my
life
again
for
its
made
me
its
all
I
am
dear
its
years
since
I
began
loving
you
its
just
because
of
its
goodness
that
I
want
not
to
end
in
wreckage
now
not
to
end
in
the
smashing
up
of
all
the
big
things
I
understand
in
you
and
love
in
you
What
is
there
for
us
if
we
keep
on
and
go
away
she
went
on
All
the
big
interests
in
our
lives
will
vanish
everything
We
shall
become
specialised
people
people
overshadowed
by
a
situation
We
shall
be
an
elopement
a
romance
all
our
breadth
and
meaning
gone
People
will
always
think
of
it
first
when
they
think
of
us
all
our
work
and
aims
will
be
warped
by
it
and
subordinated
to
it
Is
it
good
enough
dear
Just
to
specialise
I
think
of
you
Weve
got
a
case
a
passionate
case
the
best
of
cases
but
do
we
want
to
spend
all
our
lives
defending
it
and
justifying
it
And
theres
that
other
life
I
know
now
you
care
for
Margaret
you
care
more
than
you
think
you
do
You
have
said
fine
things
of
her
Ive
watched
you
about
her
Little
things
have
dropped
from
you
Shes
given
her
life
for
you
shes
nothing
without
you
You
feel
that
to
your
marrow
all
the
time
you
are
thinking
about
these
things
Oh
Im
not
jealous
dear
I
love
you
for
loving
her
I
love
you
in
relation
to
her
But
there
it
is
an
added
weight
against
us
another
thing
worth
saving
Presently
I
remember
she
sat
back
on
her
heels
and
looked
up
into
my
face
Weve
done
wrong
and
partings
paying
Its
time
to
pay
We
neednt
have
paid
if
wed
kept
to
the
track
You
and
I
Master
weve
got
to
be
men
Yes
I
said
weve
got
to
be
men
4
I
was
driven
to
tell
Margaret
about
our
situation
by
my
intolerable
dread
that
otherwise
the
thing
might
come
to
her
through
some
stupid
and
clumsy
informant
She
might
even
meet
Altiora
and
have
it
from
her
I
can
still
recall
the
feeling
of
sitting
at
my
desk
that
night
in
that
large
study
of
mine
in
Radnor
Square
waiting
for
Margaret
to
come
home
It
was
oddly
like
the
feeling
of
a
dentists
reception
room
only
it
was
for
me
to
do
the
dentistry
with
clumsy
cruel
hands
I
had
left
the
door
open
so
that
she
would
come
in
to
me
I
heard
her
silken
rustle
on
the
stairs
at
last
and
then
she
was
in
the
doorway
May
I
come
in
she
said
Do
I
said
and
turned
round
to
her
Working
she
said
Hard
I
answered
Where
have
YOU
been
At
the
Vallerys
Mr
Evesham
was
talking
about
you
They
were
all
talking
I
dont
think
everybody
knew
who
I
was
Just
Mrs
Mumble
Id
been
to
them
Lord
Wardenham
doesnt
like
you
He
doesnt
But
they
all
feel
youre
rather
big
anyhow
Then
I
went
on
to
Park
Lane
to
hear
a
new
pianist
and
some
other
music
at
Evas
Yes
Then
I
looked
in
at
the
Brabants
for
some
midnight
tea
before
I
came
on
here
Theyd
got
some
writers
and
Grant
was
there
You
HAVE
been
flying
round
There
was
a
little
pause
between
us
I
looked
at
her
pretty
unsuspecting
face
and
at
the
slender
grace
of
her
golden
robed
body
What
gulfs
there
were
between
us
Youve
been
amused
I
said
Its
been
amusing
Youve
been
at
the
House
The
Medical
Education
Bill
kept
me
After
all
why
should
I
tell
her
Shed
got
to
a
way
of
living
that
fulfilled
her
requirements
Perhaps
shed
never
hear
But
all
that
day
and
the
day
before
Id
been
making
up
my
mind
to
do
the
thing
I
want
to
tell
you
something
I
said
I
wish
youd
sit
down
for
a
moment
or
so
Once
I
had
begun
it
seemed
to
me
I
had
to
go
through
with
it
Something
in
the
quality
of
my
voice
gave
her
an
intimation
of
unusual
gravity
She
looked
at
me
steadily
for
a
moment
and
sat
down
slowly
in
my
armchair
What
is
it
she
said
I
went
on
awkwardly
Ive
got
to
tell
you
something
extraordinarily
distressing
I
said
She
was
manifestly
altogether
unaware
There
seems
to
be
a
good
deal
of
scandal
abroad
Ive
only
recently
heard
of
it
about
myself
and
Isabel
Isabel
I
nodded
What
do
they
say
she
asked
It
was
difficult
I
found
to
speak
They
say
shes
my
mistress
Oh
How
abominable
She
spoke
with
the
most
natural
indignation
Our
eyes
met
Weve
been
great
friends
I
said
Yes
And
to
make
THAT
of
it
My
poor
dear
But
how
can
they
She
paused
and
looked
at
me
Its
so
incredible
How
can
any
one
believe
it
I
couldnt
She
stopped
with
her
distressed
eyes
regarding
me
Her
expression
changed
to
dread
There
was
a
tense
stillness
for
a
second
perhaps
I
turned
my
face
towards
the
desk
and
took
up
and
dropped
a
handful
of
paper
fasteners
Margaret
I
said
Im
afraid
youll
have
to
believe
it
5
Margaret
sat
very
still
When
I
looked
at
her
again
her
face
was
very
white
and
her
distressed
eyes
scrutinised
me
Her
lips
quivered
as
she
spoke
You
really
mean
THAT
she
said
I
nodded
I
never
dreamt
I
never
meant
you
to
dream
And
that
is
why
weve
been
apart
I
thought
I
suppose
it
is
Why
have
you
told
me
now
Those
rumours
I
didnt
want
any
one
else
to
tell
you
Or
else
it
wouldnt
have
mattered
No
She
turned
her
eyes
from
me
to
the
fire
Then
for
a
moment
she
looked
about
the
room
she
had
made
for
me
and
then
quite
silently
with
a
childish
quivering
of
her
lips
with
a
sort
of
dismayed
distress
upon
her
face
she
was
weeping
She
sat
weeping
in
her
dress
of
cloth
of
gold
with
her
bare
slender
arms
dropped
limp
over
the
arms
of
her
chair
and
her
eyes
averted
from
me
making
no
effort
to
stay
or
staunch
her
tears
I
am
sorry
Margaret
I
said
I
was
in
love
I
did
not
understand
Presently
she
asked
What
are
you
going
to
do
You
see
Margaret
now
its
come
to
be
your
affair
I
want
to
know
what
you
what
you
want
You
want
to
leave
me
If
you
want
me
to
I
must
Leave
Parliament
leave
all
the
things
you
are
doing
all
this
fine
movement
of
yours
No
I
spoke
sullenly
I
dont
want
to
leave
anything
I
want
to
stay
on
Ive
told
you
because
I
think
we
Isabel
and
I
I
mean
have
got
to
drive
through
a
storm
of
scandal
anyhow
I
dont
know
how
far
things
may
go
how
much
people
may
feel
and
I
cant
I
cant
have
you
unconscious
unarmed
open
to
any
revelation
She
made
no
answer
When
the
thing
began
I
knew
it
was
stupid
but
I
thought
it
was
a
thing
that
wouldnt
change
wouldnt
be
anything
but
itself
wouldnt
unfold
consequences
People
have
got
hold
of
these
vague
rumours
Directly
it
reached
any
one
else
but
but
us
two
I
saw
it
had
to
come
to
you
I
stopped
I
had
that
distressful
feeling
I
have
always
had
with
Margaret
of
not
being
altogether
sure
she
heard
of
being
doubtful
if
she
understood
I
perceived
that
once
again
I
had
struck
at
her
and
shattered
a
thousand
unsubstantial
pinnacles
And
I
couldnt
get
at
her
to
help
her
or
touch
her
mind
I
stood
up
and
at
my
movement
she
moved
She
produced
a
dainty
little
handkerchief
and
made
an
effort
to
wipe
her
face
with
it
and
held
it
to
her
eyes
Oh
my
Husband
she
sobbed
What
do
you
mean
to
do
she
said
with
her
voice
muffled
by
her
handkerchief
Were
going
to
end
it
I
said
Something
gripped
me
tormentingly
as
I
said
that
I
drew
a
chair
beside
her
and
sat
down
You
and
I
Margaret
have
been
partners
I
began
Weve
built
up
this
life
of
ours
together
I
couldnt
have
done
it
without
you
Weve
made
a
position
created
a
work
She
shook
her
head
You
she
said
You
helping
I
dont
want
to
shatter
it
if
you
dont
want
it
shattered
I
cant
leave
my
work
I
cant
leave
you
I
want
you
to
have
all
that
you
have
ever
had
Ive
never
meant
to
rob
you
Ive
made
an
immense
and
tragic
blunder
You
dont
know
how
things
took
us
how
different
they
seemed
My
character
and
accident
have
conspired
Well
pay
in
ourselves
not
in
our
public
service
I
halted
again
Margaret
remained
very
still
I
want
you
to
understand
that
the
thing
is
at
an
end
It
is
definitely
at
an
end
We
we
talked
yesterday
We
mean
to
end
it
altogether
I
clenched
my
hands
Shes
shes
going
to
marry
Arnold
Shoesmith
I
wasnt
looking
now
at
Margaret
any
more
but
I
heard
the
rustle
of
her
movement
as
she
turned
on
me
Its
all
right
I
said
clinging
to
my
explanation
Were
doing
nothing
shabby
He
knows
He
will
Its
all
as
right
as
things
can
be
now
Were
not
cheating
any
one
Margaret
Were
doing
things
straight
now
Of
course
you
know
We
shall
we
shall
have
to
make
sacrifices
Give
things
up
pretty
completely
Very
completely
We
shall
have
not
to
see
each
other
for
a
time
you
know
Perhaps
not
a
long
time
Two
or
three
years
Or
write
or
just
any
of
that
sort
of
thing
ever
Some
subconscious
barrier
gave
way
in
me
I
found
myself
crying
uncontrollably
as
I
have
never
cried
since
I
was
a
little
child
I
was
amazed
and
horrified
at
myself
And
wonderfully
Margaret
was
on
her
knees
beside
me
with
her
arms
about
me
mingling
her
weeping
with
mine
Oh
my
Husband
she
cried
my
poor
Husband
Does
it
hurt
you
so
I
would
do
anything
Oh
the
fool
I
am
Dear
I
love
you
I
love
you
over
and
away
and
above
all
these
jealous
little
things
She
drew
down
my
head
to
her
as
a
mother
might
draw
down
the
head
of
a
son
She
caressed
me
weeping
bitterly
with
me
Oh
my
dear
she
sobbed
my
dear
Ive
never
seen
you
cry
Ive
never
seen
you
cry
Ever
I
didnt
know
you
could
Oh
my
dear
Cant
you
have
her
my
dear
if
you
want
her
I
cant
bear
it
Let
me
help
you
dear
Oh
my
Husband
My
Man
I
cant
bear
to
have
you
cry
For
a
time
she
held
me
in
silence
Ive
thought
this
might
happen
I
dreamt
it
might
happen
You
two
I
mean
It
was
dreaming
put
it
into
my
head
When
Ive
seen
you
together
so
glad
with
each
other
Oh
Husband
mine
believe
me
believe
me
Im
stupid
Im
cold
Im
only
beginning
to
realise
how
stupid
and
cold
but
all
I
want
in
all
the
world
is
to
give
my
life
to
you
6
We
cant
part
in
a
room
said
Isabel
Well
have
one
last
talk
together
I
said
and
planned
that
we
should
meet
for
a
half
a
day
between
Dover
and
Walmer
and
talk
ourselves
out
I
still
recall
that
day
very
well
recall
even
the
curious
exaltation
of
grief
that
made
our
mental
atmosphere
distinctive
and
memorable
We
had
seen
so
much
of
one
another
had
become
so
intimate
that
we
talked
of
parting
even
as
we
parted
with
a
sense
of
incredible
remoteness
We
went
together
up
over
the
cliffs
and
to
a
place
where
they
fall
towards
the
sea
past
the
white
quaint
lanterned
lighthouses
of
the
South
Foreland
There
in
a
kind
of
niche
below
the
crest
we
sat
talking
It
was
a
spacious
day
serenely
blue
and
warm
and
on
the
wrinkled
water
remotely
below
a
black
tender
and
six
hooded
submarines
came
presently
and
engaged
in
mysterious
manoeuvers
Shrieking
gulls
and
chattering
jackdaws
circled
over
us
and
below
us
and
dived
and
swooped
and
a
skerry
of
weedy
fallen
chalk
appeared
and
gradually
disappeared
again
as
the
tide
fell
and
rose
We
talked
and
thought
that
afternoon
on
every
aspect
of
our
relations
It
seems
to
me
now
we
talked
so
wide
and
far
that
scarcely
an
issue
in
the
life
between
man
and
woman
can
arise
that
we
did
not
at
least
touch
upon
Lying
there
at
Isabels
feet
I
have
become
for
myself
a
symbol
of
all
this
world
wide
problem
between
duty
and
conscious
passionate
love
the
world
has
still
to
solve
Because
it
isnt
solved
theres
a
wrong
in
it
either
way

The
sky
the
wide
horizon
seemed
to
lift
us
out
of
ourselves
until
we
were
something
representative
and
general
She
was
womanhood
become
articulate
talking
to
her
lover
I
ought
I
said
never
to
have
loved
you
It
wasnt
a
thing
planned
she
said
I
ought
never
to
have
let
our
talk
slip
to
that
never
to
have
turned
back
from
America
Im
glad
we
did
it
she
said
Dont
think
I
repent
I
looked
at
her
I
will
never
repent
she
said
Never
as
though
she
clung
to
her
life
in
saying
it
I
remember
we
talked
for
a
long
time
of
divorce
It
seemed
to
us
then
and
it
seems
to
us
still
that
it
ought
to
have
been
possible
for
Margaret
to
divorce
me
and
for
me
to
marry
without
the
scandalous
and
ugly
publicity
the
taint
and
ostracism
that
follow
such
a
readjustment
We
went
on
to
the
whole
perplexing
riddle
of
marriage
We
criticised
the
current
code
how
muddled
and
conventionalised
it
had
become
how
modified
by
subterfuges
and
concealments
and
new
necessities
and
the
increasing
freedom
of
women
Its
all
like
Bromstead
when
the
building
came
I
said
for
I
had
often
talked
to
her
of
that
early
impression
of
purpose
dissolving
again
into
chaotic
forces
There
is
no
clear
right
in
the
world
any
more
The
world
is
Byzantine
The
justest
man
to
day
must
practise
a
tainted
goodness
These
questions
need
discussion
a
magnificent
frankness
of
discussion
if
any
standards
are
again
to
establish
an
effective
hold
upon
educated
people
Discretions
as
I
have
said
already
will
never
hold
any
one
worth
holding
longer
than
they
held
us
Against
every
shalt
not
there
must
be
a
why
not
plainly
put
the
why
not
largest
and
plainest
the
law
deduced
from
its
purpose
You
and
I
Isabel
I
said
have
always
been
a
little
disregardful
of
duty
partly
at
least
because
the
idea
of
duty
comes
to
us
so
ill
clad
Oh
I
know
theres
an
extravagant
insubordinate
strain
in
us
but
that
wasnt
all
I
wish
humbugs
would
leave
duty
alone
I
wish
all
duty
wasnt
covered
with
slime
Thats
where
the
real
mischief
comes
in
Passion
can
always
contrive
to
clothe
itself
in
beauty
strips
itself
splendid
That
carried
us
But
for
all
its
mean
associations
there
is
this
duty
Dont
we
come
rather
late
to
it
Not
so
late
that
it
wont
be
atrociously
hard
to
do
Its
queer
to
think
of
now
said
Isabel
Who
could
believe
we
did
all
we
have
done
honestly
Well
in
a
manner
honestly
Who
could
believe
we
thought
this
might
be
hidden
Who
could
trace
it
all
step
by
step
from
the
time
when
we
found
that
a
certain
boldness
in
our
talk
was
pleasing
We
talked
of
love
Master
theres
not
much
for
us
to
do
in
the
way
of
Apologia
that
any
one
will
credit
And
yet
if
it
were
possible
to
tell
the
very
heart
of
our
story
Does
Margaret
really
want
to
go
on
with
you
she
asked
shield
you
knowing
of
THIS
Im
certain
I
dont
understand
just
as
I
dont
understand
Shoesmith
but
she
does
These
people
walk
on
solid
ground
which
is
just
thin
air
to
us
Theyve
got
something
we
havent
got
Assurances
I
wonder
Then
it
was
or
later
we
talked
of
Shoesmith
and
what
her
life
might
be
with
him
Hes
good
she
said
hes
kindly
Hes
everything
but
magic
Hes
the
very
image
of
the
decent
sober
honourable
life
You
cant
say
a
thing
against
him
or
I
except
that
something
something
in
his
imagination
something
in
the
tone
of
his
voice
fails
for
me
Why
dont
I
love
him
hes
a
better
man
than
you
Why
dont
you
IS
he
a
better
man
than
you
Hes
usage
hes
honour
hes
the
right
thing
hes
the
breed
and
the
tradition
a
gentleman
Youre
your
erring
incalculable
self
I
suppose
we
women
will
trust
this
sort
and
love
your
sort
to
the
very
end
of
time
We
lay
side
by
side
and
nibbled
at
grass
stalks
as
we
talked
It
seemed
enormously
unreasonable
to
us
that
two
people
who
had
come
to
the
pitch
of
easy
and
confident
affection
and
happiness
that
held
between
us
should
be
obliged
to
part
and
shun
one
another
or
murder
half
the
substance
of
their
lives
We
felt
ourselves
crushed
and
beaten
by
an
indiscriminating
machine
which
destroys
happiness
in
the
service
of
jealousy
The
mass
of
people
dont
feel
these
things
in
quite
the
same
manner
as
we
feel
them
she
said
Is
it
because
theyre
different
in
grain
or
educated
out
of
some
primitive
instinct
Its
because
weve
explored
love
a
little
and
they
know
no
more
than
the
gateway
I
said
Lust
and
then
jealousy
their
simple
conception
and
we
have
gone
past
all
that
and
wandered
hand
in
hand
I
remember
that
for
a
time
we
watched
two
of
that
larger
sort
of
gull
whose
wings
are
brownish
white
circle
and
hover
against
the
blue
And
then
we
lay
and
looked
at
a
band
of
water
mirror
clear
far
out
to
sea
and
wondered
why
the
breeze
that
rippled
all
the
rest
should
leave
it
so
serene
And
in
this
State
of
ours
I
resumed
Eh
said
Isabel
rolling
over
into
a
sitting
posture
and
looking
out
at
the
horizon
Lets
talk
no
more
of
things
we
can
never
see
Talk
to
me
of
the
work
you
are
doing
and
all
we
shall
do
after
we
have
parted
Weve
said
too
little
of
that
Weve
had
our
red
life
and
its
over
Thank
Heaven
though
we
stole
it
Talk
about
your
work
dear
and
the
things
well
go
on
doing
just
as
though
we
were
still
together
Well
still
be
together
in
a
sense
through
all
these
things
we
have
in
common
And
so
we
talked
of
politics
and
our
outlook
We
were
interested
to
the
pitch
of
self
forgetfulness
We
weighed
persons
and
forces
discussed
the
probabilities
of
the
next
general
election
the
steady
drift
of
public
opinion
in
the
north
and
west
away
from
Liberalism
towards
us
It
was
very
manifest
that
in
spite
of
Wardenham
and
the
EXPURGATOR
we
should
come
into
the
new
Government
strongly
The
party
had
no
one
else
all
the
young
men
were
formally
or
informally
with
us
Esmeer
would
have
office
Lord
Tarvrille
I
and
very
probably
there
would
be
something
for
Shoesmith
And
for
my
own
part
I
said
I
count
on
backing
on
the
Liberal
side
For
the
last
two
years
weve
been
forcing
competition
in
constructive
legislation
between
the
parties
The
Liberals
have
not
been
long
in
following
up
our
Endowment
of
Motherhood
lead
Theyll
have
to
give
votes
and
lip
service
anyhow
Half
the
readers
of
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
they
say
are
Liberals
I
remember
talking
about
things
of
this
sort
with
old
Willersley
I
said
ever
so
many
years
ago
It
was
some
place
near
Locarno
and
we
looked
down
the
lake
that
shone
weltering
just
as
now
we
look
over
the
sea
And
then
we
dreamt
in
an
indistinct
featureless
way
of
all
that
you
and
I
are
doing
now
I
said
Isabel
and
laughed
Well
of
some
such
thing
I
said
and
remained
for
awhile
silent
thinking
of
Locarno
I
recalled
once
more
the
largeness
the
release
from
small
personal
things
that
I
had
felt
in
my
youth
statecraft
became
real
and
wonderful
again
with
the
memory
the
gigantic
handling
of
gigantic
problems
I
began
to
talk
out
my
thoughts
sitting
up
beside
her
as
I
could
never
talk
of
them
to
any
one
but
Isabel
began
to
recover
again
the
purpose
that
lay
under
all
my
political
ambitions
and
adjustments
and
anticipations
I
saw
the
State
splendid
and
wide
as
I
had
seen
it
in
that
first
travel
of
mine
but
now
it
was
no
mere
distant
prospect
of
spires
and
pinnacles
but
populous
with
fine
trained
bold
thinking
bold
doing
people
It
was
as
if
I
had
forgotten
for
a
long
time
and
now
remembered
with
amazement
At
first
I
told
her
I
had
been
altogether
at
a
loss
how
I
could
do
anything
to
battle
against
the
aimless
muddle
of
our
world
I
had
wanted
a
clue
until
she
had
come
into
my
life
questioning
suggesting
unconsciously
illuminating
But
I
have
done
nothing
she
protested
I
declared
she
had
done
everything
in
growing
to
education
under
my
eyes
in
reflecting
again
upon
all
the
processes
that
had
made
myself
so
that
instead
of
abstractions
and
blue
books
and
bills
and
devices
I
had
realised
the
world
of
mankind
as
a
crowd
needing
before
all
things
fine
women
and
men
Wed
spoilt
ourselves
in
learning
that
but
anyhow
we
had
our
lesson
Before
her
I
was
in
a
nineteenth
century
darkness
dealing
with
the
nation
as
if
it
were
a
crowd
of
selfish
men
forgetful
of
women
and
children
and
that
shy
wild
thing
in
the
hearts
of
men
love
which
must
be
drawn
upon
as
it
has
never
been
drawn
upon
before
if
the
State
is
to
live
I
saw
now
how
it
is
possible
to
bring
the
loose
factors
of
a
great
realm
together
to
create
a
mind
of
literature
and
thought
in
it
and
the
expression
of
a
purpose
to
make
it
self
conscious
and
fine
I
had
it
all
clear
before
me
so
that
at
a
score
of
points
I
could
presently
begin
The
BLUE
WEEKLY
was
a
centre
of
force
Already
we
had
given
Imperialism
a
criticism
and
leavened
half
the
press
from
our
columns
Our
movement
consolidated
and
spread
We
should
presently
come
into
power
Everything
moved
towards
our
hands
We
should
be
able
to
get
at
the
schools
the
services
the
universities
the
church
enormously
increase
the
endowment
of
research
and
organise
what
was
sorely
wanted
a
criticism
of
research
contrive
a
closer
contact
between
the
press
and
creative
intellectual
life
foster
literature
clarify
strengthen
the
public
consciousness
develop
social
organisation
and
a
sense
of
the
State
Men
were
coming
to
us
every
day
brilliant
young
peers
like
Lord
Dentonhill
writers
like
Carnot
and
Cresswell
It
filled
me
with
pride
to
win
such
men
We
stand
for
so
much
more
than
we
seem
to
stand
for
I
said
I
opened
my
heart
to
her
so
freely
that
I
hesitate
to
open
my
heart
even
to
the
reader
telling
of
projects
and
ambitions
I
cherished
of
my
consciousness
of
great
powers
and
widening
opportunities
Isabel
watched
me
as
I
talked
She
too
I
think
had
forgotten
these
things
for
a
while
For
it
is
curious
and
I
think
a
very
significant
thing
that
since
we
had
become
lovers
we
had
talked
very
little
of
the
broader
things
that
had
once
so
strongly
gripped
our
imaginations
Its
good
I
said
to
talk
like
this
to
you
to
get
back
to
youth
and
great
ambitions
with
you
There
have
been
times
lately
when
politics
has
seemed
the
pettiest
game
played
with
mean
tools
for
mean
ends
and
none
the
less
so
that
the
happiness
of
three
hundred
million
people
might
be
touched
by
our
follies
I
talk
to
no
one
else
like
this
And
now
I
think
of
parting
I
think
but
of
how
much
more
I
might
have
talked
to
you
Things
drew
to
an
end
at
last
but
after
we
had
spoken
of
a
thousand
things
Weve
talked
away
our
last
half
day
I
said
staring
over
my
shoulder
at
the
blazing
sunset
sky
behind
us
Dear
its
been
the
last
day
of
our
lives
for
us
It
doesnt
seem
like
the
last
day
of
our
lives
Or
any
day
I
wonder
how
it
will
feel
said
Isabel
It
will
be
very
strange
at
first
not
to
be
able
to
tell
you
things
Ive
a
superstition
that
after
after
weve
parted
if
ever
I
go
into
my
room
and
talk
youll
hear
Youll
be
somewhere
I
shall
be
in
the
world
yes
I
dont
feel
as
though
these
days
ahead
were
real
Here
we
are
here
we
remain
Yes
I
feel
that
As
though
you
and
I
were
two
immortals
who
didnt
live
in
time
and
space
at
all
who
never
met
who
couldnt
part
and
here
we
lie
on
Olympus
And
those
two
poor
creatures
who
did
meet
poor
little
Richard
Remington
and
Isabel
Rivers
who
met
and
loved
too
much
and
had
to
part
they
part
and
go
their
ways
and
we
lie
here
and
watch
them
you
and
I
Shell
cry
poor
dear
Shell
cry
Shes
crying
now
Poor
little
beasts
I
think
hell
cry
too
He
winces
He
could
for
tuppence
I
didnt
know
he
had
lachrymal
glands
at
all
until
a
little
while
ago
I
suppose
all
love
is
hysterical
and
a
little
foolish
Poor
mites
Silly
little
pitiful
creatures
How
we
have
blundered
Think
how
we
must
look
to
God
Well
well
pity
them
and
then
well
inspire
him
to
stiffen
up
again
and
do
as
weve
determined
he
shall
do
Well
see
it
through
we
who
lie
here
on
the
cliff
Theyll
be
mean
at
times
and
horrid
at
times
we
know
them
Do
you
see
her
a
poor
little
fine
lady
in
a
great
house
she
sometimes
goes
to
her
room
and
writes
She
writes
for
his
BLUE
WEEKLY
still
Yes
Sometimes
I
hope
And
hes
there
in
the
office
with
a
bit
of
her
copy
in
his
hand
Is
it
as
good
as
if
she
still
talked
it
over
with
him
before
she
wrote
it
Is
it
Better
I
think
Lets
play
its
better
anyhow
It
may
be
that
talking
over
was
rather
mixed
with
love
making
After
all
love
making
is
joy
rather
than
magic
Dont
lets
pretend
about
that
even
Lets
go
on
watching
him
I
dont
see
why
her
writing
shouldnt
be
better
Indeed
I
dont
See
There
he
goes
down
along
the
Embankment
to
Westminster
just
like
a
real
man
for
all
that
hes
smaller
than
a
grain
of
dust
What
is
running
round
inside
that
speck
of
a
head
of
his
Look
at
him
going
past
the
Policemen
specks
too
selected
large
ones
from
the
country
I
think
hes
going
to
dinner
with
the
Speaker
some
old
thing
like
that
Is
his
face
harder
or
commoner
or
stronger
I
cant
quite
see
And
now
hes
up
and
speaking
in
the
House
Hope
hell
hold
on
to
the
thread
Hell
have
to
plan
his
speeches
to
the
very
end
of
his
days
and
learn
the
headings
Isnt
she
up
in
the
womens
gallery
to
hear
him
No
Unless
its
by
accident
Shes
there
she
said
Well
by
accident
it
happens
Not
too
many
accidents
Isabel
Never
any
more
adventures
for
us
dear
now
No
They
play
the
game
you
know
Theyve
begun
late
but
now
theyve
got
to
You
see
its
not
so
very
hard
for
them
since
you
and
I
my
dear
are
here
always
always
faithfully
here
on
this
warm
cliff
of
love
accomplished
watching
and
helping
them
under
high
heaven
It
isnt
so
VERY
hard
Rather
good
in
some
ways
Some
people
HAVE
to
be
broken
a
little
Can
you
see
Altiora
down
there
by
any
chance
Shes
too
little
to
be
seen
she
said
Can
you
see
the
sins
they
once
committed
I
can
only
see
you
here
beside
me
dear
for
ever
For
all
my
life
dear
till
I
die
Was
that
the
sin
I
took
her
to
the
station
and
after
she
had
gone
I
was
to
drive
to
Dover
and
cross
to
Calais
by
the
night
boat
I
couldnt
I
felt
return
to
London
We
walked
over
the
crest
and
down
to
the
little
station
of
Martin
Mill
side
by
side
talking
at
first
in
broken
fragments
for
the
most
part
of
unimportant
things
None
of
this
she
said
abruptly
seems
in
the
slightest
degree
real
to
me
Ive
got
no
sense
of
things
ending
Were
parting
I
said
Were
parting
as
people
part
in
a
play
Its
distressing
But
I
dont
feel
as
though
you
and
I
were
really
never
to
see
each
other
again
for
years
Do
you
I
thought
No
I
said
After
weve
parted
I
shall
look
to
talk
it
over
with
you
So
shall
I
Thats
absurd
Absurd
I
feel
as
if
youd
always
he
there
just
about
where
you
are
now
Invisible
perhaps
but
there
Weve
spent
so
much
of
our
lives
joggling
elbows
Yes
Yes
I
dont
in
the
least
realise
it
I
suppose
I
shall
begin
to
when
the
train
goes
out
of
the
station
Are
we
wanting
in
imagination
Isabel
I
dont
know
Weve
always
assumed
it
was
the
other
way
about
Even
when
the
train
goes
out
of
the
station
Ive
seen
you
into
so
many
trains
I
shall
go
on
thinking
of
things
to
say
to
you
things
to
put
in
your
letters
For
years
to
come
How
can
I
ever
stop
thinking
in
that
way
now
Weve
got
into
each
others
brains
It
isnt
real
I
said
nothing
is
real
The
worlds
no
more
than
a
fantastic
dream
Why
are
we
parting
Isabel
I
dont
know
It
seems
now
supremely
silly
I
suppose
we
have
to
Cant
we
meet
dont
you
think
we
shall
meet
even
in
dreams
Well
meet
a
thousand
times
in
dreams
I
said
I
wish
we
could
dream
at
the
same
time
said
Isabel
Dream
walks
I
cant
believe
dear
I
shall
never
have
a
walk
with
you
again
If
Id
stayed
six
months
in
America
I
said
we
might
have
walked
long
walks
and
talked
long
talks
for
all
our
lives
Not
in
a
world
of
Baileys
said
Isabel
And
anyhow
She
stopped
short
I
looked
interrogation
Weve
loved
she
said
I
took
her
ticket
saw
to
her
luggage
and
stood
by
the
door
of
the
compartment
Good
bye
I
said
a
little
stiffly
conscious
of
the
people
upon
the
platform
She
bent
above
me
white
and
dusky
looking
at
me
very
steadfastly
Come
here
she
whispered
Never
mind
the
porters
What
can
they
know
Just
one
time
more
I
must
She
rested
her
hand
against
the
door
of
the
carriage
and
bent
down
upon
me
and
put
her
cold
moist
lips
to
mine
CHAPTER
THE
THIRD
THE
BREAKING
POINT
1
And
then
we
broke
down
We
broke
our
faith
with
both
Margaret
and
Shoesmith
flung
career
and
duty
out
of
our
lives
and
went
away
together
It
is
only
now
almost
a
year
after
these
events
that
I
can
begin
to
see
what
happened
to
me
At
the
time
it
seemed
to
me
I
was
a
rational
responsible
creature
but
indeed
I
had
not
parted
from
her
two
days
before
I
became
a
monomaniac
to
whom
nothing
could
matter
but
Isabel
Every
truth
had
to
be
squared
to
that
obsession
every
duty
It
astounds
me
to
think
how
I
forgot
Margaret
forgot
my
work
forgot
everything
but
that
we
two
were
parted
I
still
believe
that
with
better
chances
we
might
have
escaped
the
consequences
of
the
emotional
storm
that
presently
seized
us
both
But
we
had
no
foresight
of
that
and
no
preparation
for
it
and
our
circumstances
betrayed
us
It
was
partly
Shoesmiths
unwisdom
in
delaying
his
marriage
until
after
the
end
of
the
session
partly
my
own
amazing
folly
in
returning
within
four
days
to
Westminster
But
we
were
all
of
us
intent
upon
the
defeat
of
scandal
and
the
complete
restoration
of
appearances
It
seemed
necessary
that
Shoesmiths
marriage
should
not
seem
to
be
hurried
still
more
necessary
that
I
should
not
vanish
inexplicably
I
had
to
be
visible
with
Margaret
in
London
just
as
much
as
possible
we
went
to
restaurants
we
visited
the
theatre
we
could
even
contemplate
the
possibility
of
my
presence
at
the
wedding
For
that
however
we
had
schemed
a
weekend
visit
to
Wales
and
a
fictitious
sprained
ankle
at
the
last
moment
which
would
justify
my
absence
I
cannot
convey
to
you
the
intolerable
wretchedness
and
rebellion
of
my
separation
from
Isabel
It
seemed
that
in
the
past
two
years
all
my
thoughts
had
spun
commisures
to
Isabels
brain
and
I
could
think
of
nothing
that
did
not
lead
me
surely
to
the
need
of
the
one
intimate
I
had
found
in
the
world
I
came
back
to
the
House
and
the
office
and
my
home
I
filled
all
my
days
with
appointments
and
duty
and
it
did
not
save
me
in
the
least
from
a
lonely
emptiness
such
as
I
had
never
felt
before
in
all
my
life
I
had
little
sleep
In
the
daytime
I
did
a
hundred
things
I
even
spoke
in
the
House
on
two
occasions
and
by
my
own
low
standards
spoke
well
and
it
seemed
to
me
that
I
was
going
about
in
my
own
brain
like
a
hushed
survivor
in
a
house
whose
owner
lies
dead
upstairs
I
came
to
a
crisis
after
that
wild
dinner
of
Tarvrilles
Something
in
that
stripped
my
soul
bare
It
was
an
occasion
made
absurd
and
strange
by
the
odd
accident
that
the
house
caught
fire
upstairs
while
we
were
dining
below
It
was
a
mens
dinner
A
dinner
of
all
sorts
said
Tarvrille
when
he
invited
me
everything
from
Evesham
and
Gane
to
Wilkins
the
author
and
Heaven
knows
what
will
happen
I
remember
that
afterwards
Tarvrille
was
accused
of
having
planned
the
fire
to
make
his
dinner
a
marvel
and
a
memory
It
was
indeed
a
wonderful
occasion
and
I
suppose
if
I
had
not
been
altogether
drenched
in
misery
I
should
have
found
the
same
wild
amusement
in
it
that
glowed
in
all
the
others
There
were
one
or
two
university
dons
Lord
George
Fester
the
racing
man
Panmure
the
artist
two
or
three
big
City
men
Weston
Massinghay
and
another
prominent
Liberal
whose
name
I
cant
remember
the
three
men
Tarvrille
had
promised
and
Esmeer
Lord
Wrassleton
Waulsort
the
member
for
Monckton
Neal
and
several
others
We
began
a
little
coldly
with
duologues
but
the
conversation
was
already
becoming
general
so
far
as
such
a
long
table
permitted
when
the
fire
asserted
itself
It
asserted
itself
first
as
a
penetrating
and
emphatic
smell
of
burning
rubber
it
was
caused
by
the
fusing
of
an
electric
wire
The
reek
forced
its
way
into
the
discussion
of
the
Pekin
massacres
that
had
sprung
up
between
Evesham
Waulsort
and
the
others
at
the
end
of
the
table
Something
burning
said
the
man
next
to
me
Something
must
be
burning
said
Panmure
Tarvrille
hated
undignified
interruptions
He
had
a
particularly
imperturbable
butler
with
a
cadaverous
sad
face
and
an
eye
of
rigid
disapproval
He
spoke
to
this
individual
over
his
shoulder
Just
see
will
you
he
said
and
caught
up
the
pause
in
the
talk
to
his
left
Wilkins
was
asking
questions
and
I
too
was
curious
The
story
of
the
siege
of
the
Legations
in
China
in
the
year
1900
and
all
that
followed
upon
that
is
just
one
of
those
disturbing
interludes
in
history
that
refuse
to
join
on
to
that
general
scheme
of
protestation
by
which
civilisation
is
maintained
It
is
a
break
in
the
general
flow
of
experience
as
disconcerting
to
statecraft
as
the
robbery
of
my
knife
and
the
scuffle
that
followed
it
had
been
to
me
when
I
was
a
boy
at
Penge
It
is
like
a
tear
in
a
curtain
revealing
quite
unexpected
backgrounds
I
had
never
given
the
business
a
thought
for
years
now
this
talk
brought
back
a
string
of
pictures
to
my
mind
how
the
reliefs
arrived
and
the
plundering
began
how
section
after
section
of
the
International
Army
was
drawn
into
murder
and
pillage
how
the
infection
spread
upward
until
the
wives
of
Ministers
were
busy
looting
and
the
very
sentinels
stripped
and
crawled
like
snakes
into
the
Palace
they
were
set
to
guard
It
did
not
stop
at
robbery
men
were
murdered
women
being
plundered
were
outraged
children
were
butchered
strong
men
had
found
themselves
with
arms
in
a
lawless
defenceless
city
and
this
had
followed
Now
it
was
all
recalled
Respectable
ladies
addicted
to
district
visiting
at
home
were
as
bad
as
any
one
said
Panmure
Glazebrook
told
me
of
one
flushed
like
a
woman
at
a
bargain
sale
he
said
and
when
he
pointed
out
to
her
that
the
silk
shed
got
was
bloodstained
she
just
said
Oh
bother
and
threw
it
aside
and
went
back
We
became
aware
that
Tarvrilles
butler
had
returned
We
tried
not
to
seem
to
listen
Beg
pardon
mlord
he
said
The
house
IS
on
fire
mlord
Upstairs
mlord
Just
overhead
mlord
The
maids
are
throwing
water
mlord
and
Ive
telephoned
FIRE
No
mlord
no
immediate
danger
Its
all
right
said
Tarvrille
to
the
table
generally
Go
on
Its
not
a
general
conflagration
and
the
fire
brigade
wont
be
five
minutes
Dont
see
that
its
our
affair
The
stuffs
insured
They
say
old
Lady
Paskershortly
was
dreadful
Like
a
harpy
The
Dowager
Empress
had
shown
her
some
little
things
of
hers
Pet
things
hidden
away
Susan
went
straight
for
them
used
to
take
an
umbrella
for
the
silks
Born
shoplifter
It
was
evident
he
didnt
want
his
dinner
spoilt
and
we
played
up
loyally
This
is
recorded
history
said
Wilkins
practically
It
makes
one
wonder
about
unrecorded
history
In
India
for
example
But
nobody
touched
that
Thompson
said
Tarvrille
to
the
imperturbable
butler
and
indicating
the
table
generally
champagne
Champagne
Keep
it
going
Mlord
and
Thompson
marshalled
his
assistants
Some
man
I
didnt
know
began
to
remember
things
about
Mandalay
Its
queer
he
said
how
people
break
out
at
times
and
told
his
story
of
an
army
doctor
brave
public
spirited
and
as
it
happened
deeply
religious
who
was
caught
one
evening
by
the
excitement
of
plundering
and
stole
and
hid
twisted
the
wrist
of
a
boy
until
it
broke
and
was
afterwards
overcome
by
wild
remorse
I
watched
Evesham
listening
intently
Strange
he
said
very
strange
We
are
such
stuff
as
thieves
are
made
of
And
in
China
too
they
murdered
people
for
the
sake
of
murdering
Apart
so
to
speak
from
mercenary
considerations
Im
afraid
theres
no
doubt
of
it
in
certain
cases
No
doubt
at
all
Young
soldiers
fresh
from
German
high
schools
and
English
homes
Did
OUR
people
asked
some
patriot
Not
so
much
But
Im
afraid
there
were
cases
Some
of
the
Indian
troops
were
pretty
bad
Gane
picked
up
the
tale
with
confirmations
It
is
all
printed
in
the
vividest
way
as
a
picture
upon
my
memory
so
that
were
I
a
painter
I
think
I
could
give
the
deep
rich
browns
and
warm
greys
beyond
the
brightly
lit
table
the
various
distinguished
faces
strongly
illuminated
interested
and
keen
above
the
black
and
white
of
evening
dress
the
alert
menservants
with
their
heavier
clean
shaved
faces
indistinctly
seen
in
the
dimness
behind
Then
this
was
coloured
emotionally
for
me
by
my
aching
sense
of
loss
and
sacrifice
and
by
the
chance
trend
of
our
talk
to
the
breaches
and
unrealities
of
the
civilised
scheme
We
seemed
a
little
transitory
circle
of
light
in
a
universe
of
darkness
and
violence
an
effect
to
which
the
diminishing
smell
of
burning
rubber
the
trampling
of
feet
overhead
the
swish
of
water
added
enormously
Everybody
unless
perhaps
it
was
Evesham
drank
rather
carelessly
because
of
the
suppressed
excitement
of
our
situation
and
talked
the
louder
and
more
freely
But
what
a
flimsy
thing
our
civilisation
is
said
Evesham
a
mere
thin
net
of
habits
and
associations
I
suppose
those
men
came
back
said
Wilkins
Lady
Paskershortly
did
chuckled
Evesham
How
do
they
fit
it
in
with
the
rest
of
their
lives
Wilkins
speculated
I
suppose
theres
Pekin
stained
police
officers
Pekin
stained
J
Ps
trying
petty
pilferers
in
the
severest
manner
Then
for
a
time
things
became
preposterous
There
was
a
sudden
cascade
of
water
by
the
fireplace
and
then
absurdly
the
ceiling
began
to
rain
upon
us
first
at
this
point
and
then
that
My
new
suit
cried
some
one
Perrrrrr
up
pe
rr
a
new
vertical
line
of
blackened
water
would
establish
itself
and
form
a
spreading
pool
upon
the
gleaming
cloth
The
men
nearest
would
arrange
catchment
areas
of
plates
and
flower
bowls
Draw
up
said
Tarvrille
draw
up
Thats
the
bad
end
of
the
table
He
turned
to
the
imperturbable
butler
Take
round
bath
towels
he
said
and
presently
the
men
behind
us
were
offering
with
inflexible
dignity
Port
wine
Sir
Bath
towel
Sir
Waulsort
with
streaks
of
blackened
water
on
his
forehead
was
suddenly
reminded
of
a
wet
year
when
he
had
followed
the
French
army
manoeuvres
An
animated
dispute
sprang
up
between
him
and
Neal
about
the
relative
efficiency
of
the
new
French
and
German
field
guns
Wrassleton
joined
in
and
a
little
drunken
shrivelled
Oxford
don
of
some
sort
with
a
black
splashed
shirt
front
who
presently
silenced
them
all
by
the
immensity
and
particularity
of
his
knowledge
of
field
artillery
Then
the
talk
drifted
to
Sedan
and
the
effect
of
dead
horses
upon
drinking
water
which
brought
Wrassleton
and
Weston
Massinghay
into
a
dispute
of
great
vigour
and
emphasis
The
trouble
in
South
Africa
said
Weston
Massinghay
wasnt
that
we
didnt
boil
our
water
It
was
that
we
didnt
boil
our
men
The
Boers
drank
the
same
stuff
we
did
THEY
didnt
get
dysentery
That
argument
went
on
for
some
time
I
was
attacked
across
the
table
by
a
man
named
Burshort
about
my
Endowment
of
Motherhood
schemes
but
in
the
gaps
of
that
debate
I
could
still
hear
Weston
Massinghay
at
intervals
repeat
in
a
rather
thickened
voice
THEY
didnt
get
dysentery
I
think
Evesham
went
early
The
rest
of
us
clustered
more
and
more
closely
towards
the
drier
end
of
the
room
the
table
was
pushed
along
and
the
area
beneath
the
extinguished
conflagration
abandoned
to
a
tinkling
splashing
company
of
pots
and
pans
and
bowls
and
baths
Everybody
was
now
disposed
to
be
hilarious
and
noisy
to
say
startling
and
aggressive
things
we
must
have
sounded
a
queer
clamour
to
a
listener
in
the
next
room
The
devil
inspired
them
to
begin
baiting
me
Ours
isnt
the
Tory
party
any
more
said
Burshort
Remington
has
made
it
the
Obstetric
Party
Thats
good
said
Weston
Massinghay
with
all
his
teeth
gleaming
I
shall
use
that
against
you
in
the
House
I
shall
denounce
you
for
abusing
private
confidences
if
you
do
said
Tarvrille
Remington
wants
us
to
give
up
launching
Dreadnoughts
and
launch
babies
instead
Burshort
urged
For
the
price
of
one
Dreadnought
The
little
shrivelled
don
who
had
been
omniscient
about
guns
joined
in
the
baiting
and
displayed
himself
a
venomous
creature
Something
in
his
eyes
told
me
he
knew
Isabel
and
hated
me
for
it
Love
and
fine
thinking
he
began
a
little
thickly
and
knocking
over
a
wine
glass
with
a
too
easy
gesture
Love
and
fine
thinking
Two
things
dont
go
together
No
philosophy
worth
a
damn
ever
came
out
of
excesses
of
love
Salt
Lake
City
Piggott
Ag
Agapemone
again
no
works
to
matter
Everybody
laughed
Got
to
recnise
these
facts
said
my
assailant
Love
and
fine
thinkn
pretty
phrase
attractive
Suitable
for
plitical
decrations
Postcard
Christmas
gilt
lets
in
a
wreath
of
white
flows
Not
othwise
valuble
I
made
some
remark
I
forget
what
but
he
overbore
me
Real
things
we
want
are
Hate
Hate
and
COARSE
thinkn
I
blong
to
the
school
of
Mrs
Fs
Aunt
What
said
some
one
intent
In
Little
Dorrit
explained
Tarvrille
go
on
Hate
a
fool
said
my
assailant
Tarvrille
glanced
at
me
I
smiled
to
conceal
the
loss
of
my
temper
Hate
said
the
little
man
emphasising
his
point
with
a
clumsy
fist
Hates
the
driving
force
Whats
mrality
hate
of
rotten
goings
on
Whats
patriotism
hate
of
intloping
foreigners
Whats
Radicalism
hate
of
lords
Whats
Toryism
hate
of
disturbance
Its
all
hate
hate
from
top
to
bottom
Hate
of
a
mess
Remington
owned
it
the
other
day
said
he
hated
a
mull
There
you
are
If
you
couldnt
get
hate
into
an
election
damn
it
hic
people
wount
poll
Poll
for
love
no
me
He
paused
but
before
any
one
could
speak
he
had
resumed
Then
this
about
fine
thinking
Like
going
into
a
bear
pit
armed
with
a
tagle
talgent
talgent
galvnometer
Like
going
to
fight
a
mad
dog
with
Shasepear
and
the
Bible
Fine
thinking
what
we
want
is
the
thickes
thinking
we
can
get
Thinking
that
stands
up
alone
Taf
Reform
means
work
for
all
thassort
of
thing
The
gentleman
from
Cambridge
paused
YOU
a
flag
he
said
Id
as
soon
go
to
baell
und
wet
tissue
paper
My
best
answer
on
the
spur
of
the
moment
was
The
Japanese
did
Which
was
absurd
I
went
on
to
some
other
reply
I
forget
exactly
what
and
the
talk
of
the
whole
table
drew
round
me
It
was
an
extraordinary
revelation
to
me
Every
one
was
unusually
careless
and
outspoken
and
it
was
amazing
how
manifestly
they
echoed
the
feeling
of
this
old
Tory
spokesman
They
were
quite
friendly
to
me
they
regarded
me
and
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
as
valuable
party
assets
for
Toryism
but
it
was
clear
they
attached
no
more
importance
to
what
were
my
realities
than
they
did
to
the
remarkable
therapeutic
claims
of
Mrs
Eddy
They
were
flushed
and
amused
perhaps
they
went
a
little
too
far
in
their
resolves
to
draw
me
but
they
left
the
impression
on
my
mind
of
men
irrevocably
set
upon
narrow
and
cynical
views
of
political
life
For
them
the
political
struggle
was
a
game
whose
counters
were
human
hate
and
human
credulity
their
real
aim
was
just
every
ones
aim
the
preservation
of
the
class
and
way
of
living
to
which
their
lives
were
attuned
They
did
not
know
how
tired
I
was
how
exhausted
mentally
and
morally
nor
how
cruel
their
convergent
attack
on
me
chanced
to
be
But
my
temper
gave
way
I
became
tart
and
fierce
perhaps
my
replies
were
a
trifle
absurd
and
Tarvrille
with
that
quick
eye
and
sympathy
of
his
came
to
the
rescue
Then
for
a
time
I
sat
silent
and
drank
port
wine
while
the
others
talked
The
disorder
of
the
room
the
still
dripping
ceiling
the
noise
the
displaced
ties
and
crumpled
shirts
of
my
companions
jarred
on
my
tormented
nerves
It
was
long
past
midnight
when
we
dispersed
I
remember
Tarvrille
coming
with
me
into
the
hall
and
then
suggesting
we
should
go
upstairs
to
see
the
damage
A
manservant
carried
up
two
flickering
candles
for
us
One
end
of
the
room
was
gutted
curtains
hangings
several
chairs
and
tables
were
completely
burnt
the
panelling
was
scorched
and
warped
three
smashed
windows
made
the
candles
flare
and
gutter
and
some
scraps
of
broken
china
still
lay
on
the
puddled
floor
As
we
surveyed
this
Lady
Tarvrille
appeared
back
from
some
party
a
slender
white
cloaked
satin
footed
figure
with
amazed
blue
eyes
beneath
her
golden
hair
I
remember
how
stupidly
we
laughed
at
her
surprise
2
I
parted
from
Panmure
at
the
corner
of
Aldington
Street
and
went
my
way
alone
But
I
did
not
go
home
I
turned
westward
and
walked
for
a
long
way
and
then
struck
northward
aimlessly
I
was
too
miserable
to
go
to
my
house
I
wandered
about
that
night
like
a
man
who
has
discovered
his
Gods
are
dead
I
can
look
back
now
detached
yet
sympathetic
upon
that
wild
confusion
of
moods
and
impulses
and
by
it
I
think
I
can
understand
oh
half
the
wrongdoing
and
blundering
in
the
world
I
do
not
feel
now
the
logical
force
of
the
process
that
must
have
convinced
me
then
that
I
had
made
my
sacrifice
and
spent
my
strength
in
vain
At
no
time
had
I
been
under
any
illusion
that
the
Tory
party
had
higher
ideals
than
any
other
party
yet
it
came
to
me
like
a
thing
newly
discovered
that
the
men
I
had
to
work
with
had
for
the
most
part
no
such
dreams
no
sense
of
any
collective
purpose
no
atom
of
the
faith
I
held
They
were
just
as
immediately
intent
upon
personal
ends
just
as
limited
by
habits
of
thought
as
the
men
in
any
other
group
or
party
Perhaps
I
had
slipped
unawares
for
a
time
into
the
delusions
of
a
party
man
but
I
do
not
think
so
No
it
was
the
mood
of
profound
despondency
that
had
followed
upon
the
abrupt
cessation
of
my
familiar
intercourse
with
Isabel
that
gave
this
fact
that
had
always
been
present
in
my
mind
its
quality
of
devastating
revelation
It
seemed
as
though
I
had
never
seen
before
nor
suspected
the
stupendous
gap
between
the
chaotic
aims
the
routine
the
conventional
acquiescences
the
vulgarisations
of
the
personal
life
and
that
clearly
conscious
development
and
service
of
a
collective
thought
and
purpose
at
which
my
efforts
aimed
I
had
thought
them
but
a
little
way
apart
and
now
I
saw
they
were
separated
by
all
the
distance
between
earth
and
heaven
I
saw
now
in
myself
and
every
one
around
me
a
concentration
upon
interests
close
at
hand
an
inability
to
detach
oneself
from
the
provocations
tendernesses
instinctive
hates
dumb
lusts
and
shy
timidities
that
touched
one
at
every
point
and
save
for
rare
exalted
moments
a
regardlessness
of
broader
aims
and
remoter
possibilities
that
made
the
white
passion
of
statecraft
seem
as
unearthly
and
irrelevant
to
human
life
as
the
story
an
astronomer
will
tell
half
proven
but
altogether
incredible
of
habitable
planets
and
answering
intelligences
suns
distances
uncounted
across
the
deep
It
seemed
to
me
I
had
aspired
too
high
and
thought
too
far
had
mocked
my
own
littleness
by
presumption
had
given
the
uttermost
dear
reality
of
life
for
a
theorisers
dream
All
through
that
wandering
agony
of
mine
that
night
a
dozen
threads
of
thought
interwove
now
I
was
a
soul
speaking
in
protest
to
God
against
a
task
too
cold
and
high
for
it
and
now
I
was
an
angry
man
scorned
and
pointed
upon
who
had
let
life
cheat
him
of
the
ultimate
pride
of
his
soul
Now
I
was
the
fool
of
ambition
who
opened
his
box
of
gold
to
find
blank
emptiness
and
now
I
was
a
spinner
of
flimsy
thoughts
whose
web
tore
to
rags
at
a
touch
I
realised
for
the
first
time
how
much
I
had
come
to
depend
upon
the
mind
and
faith
of
Isabel
how
she
had
confirmed
me
and
sustained
me
how
little
strength
I
had
to
go
on
with
our
purposes
now
that
she
had
vanished
from
my
life
She
had
been
the
incarnation
of
those
great
abstractions
the
saving
reality
the
voice
that
answered
back
There
was
no
support
that
night
in
the
things
that
had
been
We
were
alone
together
on
the
cliff
for
ever
more
that
was
very
pretty
in
its
way
but
it
had
no
truth
whatever
that
could
help
me
now
no
ounce
of
sustaining
value
I
wanted
Isabel
that
night
no
sentiment
or
memory
of
her
but
Isabel
alive
to
talk
to
me
to
touch
me
to
hold
me
together
I
wanted
unendurably
the
dusky
gentleness
of
her
presence
the
consolation
of
her
voice
We
were
alone
together
on
the
cliff
I
startled
a
passing
cabman
into
interest
by
laughing
aloud
at
that
magnificent
and
characteristic
sentimentality
What
a
lie
it
was
and
how
satisfying
it
had
been
That
was
just
where
we
shouldnt
remain
We
of
all
people
had
no
distinction
from
that
humanity
whose
lot
is
to
forget
We
should
go
out
to
other
interests
new
experiences
new
demands
That
tall
and
intricate
fabric
of
ambitious
understandings
we
had
built
up
together
in
our
intimacy
would
be
the
first
to
go
and
last
perhaps
to
endure
with
us
would
be
a
few
gross
memories
of
sights
and
sounds
and
trivial
incidental
excitements
I
had
a
curious
feeling
that
night
that
I
had
lost
touch
with
life
for
a
long
time
and
had
now
been
reminded
of
its
quality
That
infernal
little
dons
parody
of
my
ruling
phrase
Hate
and
coarse
thinking
stuck
in
my
thoughts
like
a
poisoned
dart
a
centre
of
inflammation
Just
as
a
man
who
is
debilitated
has
no
longer
the
vitality
to
resist
an
infection
so
my
mind
slackened
by
the
crisis
of
my
separation
from
Isabel
could
find
no
resistance
to
his
emphatic
suggestion
It
seemed
to
me
that
what
he
had
said
was
overpoweringly
true
not
only
of
contemporary
life
but
of
all
possible
human
life
Love
is
the
rare
thing
the
treasured
thing
you
lock
it
away
jealously
and
watch
and
well
you
may
hate
and
aggression
and
force
keep
the
streets
and
rule
the
world
And
fine
thinking
is
in
the
rough
issues
of
life
weak
thinking
is
a
balancing
indecisive
process
discovers
with
disloyal
impartiality
a
justice
and
a
defect
on
each
disputing
side
Good
honest
men
as
Dayton
calls
them
rule
the
world
with
a
way
of
thinking
out
decisions
like
shooting
cartloads
of
bricks
and
with
a
steadfast
pleasure
in
hostility
Dayton
liked
to
call
his
antagonists
blaggards
and
scoundrels
it
justified
his
opposition
the
Lords
were
scoundrels
all
people
richer
than
be
were
scoundrels
all
Socialists
all
troublesome
poor
people
he
liked
to
think
of
jails
and
justice
being
done
His
public
spirit
was
saturated
with
the
sombre
joys
of
conflict
and
the
pleasant
thought
of
condign
punishment
for
all
recalcitrant
souls
That
was
the
way
of
it
I
perceived
That
had
survival
value
as
the
biologists
say
He
was
fool
enough
in
politics
to
be
a
consistent
and
happy
politician
Hate
and
coarse
thinking
how
the
infernal
truth
of
the
phrase
beat
me
down
that
night
I
couldnt
remember
that
I
had
known
this
all
along
and
that
it
did
not
really
matter
in
the
slightest
degree
I
had
worked
it
all
out
long
ago
in
other
terms
when
I
had
seen
how
all
parties
stood
for
interests
inevitably
and
how
the
purpose
in
life
achieves
itself
if
it
achieves
itself
at
all
as
a
bye
product
of
the
war
of
individuals
and
classes
Hadnt
I
always
known
that
science
and
philosophy
elaborate
themselves
in
spite
of
all
the
passion
and
narrowness
of
men
in
spite
of
the
vanities
and
weakness
of
their
servants
in
spite
of
all
the
heated
disorder
of
contemporary
things
Wasnt
it
my
own
phrase
to
speak
of
that
greater
mind
in
men
in
which
we
are
but
moments
and
transitorily
lit
cells
Hadnt
I
known
that
the
spirit
of
man
still
speaks
like
a
thing
that
struggles
out
of
mud
and
slime
and
that
the
mere
effort
to
speak
means
choking
and
disaster
Hadnt
I
known
that
we
who
think
without
fear
and
speak
without
discretion
will
not
come
to
our
own
for
the
next
two
thousand
years
It
was
the
last
was
most
forgotten
of
all
that
faith
mislaid
Before
mankind
in
my
vision
that
night
stretched
new
centuries
of
confusion
vast
stupid
wars
hastily
conceived
laws
foolish
temporary
triumphs
of
order
lapses
set
backs
despairs
catastrophes
new
beginnings
a
multitudinous
wilderness
of
time
a
nigh
plotless
drama
of
wrong
headed
energies
In
order
to
assuage
my
parting
from
Isabel
we
had
set
ourselves
to
imagine
great
rewards
for
our
separation
great
personal
rewards
we
had
promised
ourselves
success
visible
and
shining
in
our
lives
To
console
ourselves
in
our
separation
we
had
made
out
of
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
and
our
young
Tory
movement
preposterously
enormous
things
as
though
those
poor
fertilising
touches
at
the
soil
were
indeed
the
germinating
seeds
of
the
millennium
as
though
a
million
lives
such
as
ours
had
not
to
contribute
before
the
beginning
of
the
beginning
That
poor
pretence
had
failed
That
magnificent
proposition
shrivelled
to
nothing
in
the
black
loneliness
of
that
night
I
saw
that
there
were
to
be
no
such
compensations
So
far
as
my
real
services
to
mankind
were
concerned
I
had
to
live
an
unrecognised
and
unrewarded
life
If
I
made
successes
it
would
be
by
the
way
Our
separation
would
alter
nothing
of
that
My
scandal
would
cling
to
me
now
for
all
my
life
a
thing
affecting
relationships
embarrassing
and
hampering
my
spirit
I
should
follow
the
common
lot
of
those
who
live
by
the
imagination
and
follow
it
now
in
infinite
loneliness
of
soul
the
one
good
comforter
the
one
effectual
familiar
was
lost
to
me
for
ever
I
should
do
good
and
evil
together
no
one
caring
to
understand
I
should
produce
much
weary
work
much
bad
spirited
work
much
absolute
evil
the
good
in
me
would
be
too
often
ill
expressed
and
missed
or
misinterpreted
In
the
end
I
might
leave
one
gleaming
flake
or
so
amidst
the
slag
heaps
for
a
moment
of
postmortem
sympathy
I
was
afraid
beyond
measure
of
my
derelict
self
Because
I
believed
with
all
my
soul
in
love
and
fine
thinking
that
did
not
mean
that
I
should
necessarily
either
love
steadfastly
or
think
finely
I
remember
how
I
fell
talking
to
God
I
think
I
talked
out
loud
Why
do
I
care
for
these
things
I
cried
when
I
can
do
so
little
Why
am
I
apart
from
the
jolly
thoughtless
fighting
life
of
men
These
dreams
fade
to
nothingness
and
leave
me
bare
I
scolded
Why
dont
you
speak
to
a
man
show
yourself
I
thought
I
had
a
gleam
of
you
in
Isabel
and
then
you
take
her
away
Do
you
really
think
I
can
carry
on
this
game
alone
doing
your
work
in
darkness
and
silence
living
in
muddled
conflict
half
living
half
dying
Grotesque
analogies
arose
in
my
mind
I
discovered
a
strange
parallelism
between
my
now
tattered
phrase
of
Love
and
fine
thinking
and
the
Love
and
the
Word
of
Christian
thought
Was
it
possible
the
Christian
propaganda
had
at
the
outset
meant
just
that
system
of
attitudes
I
had
been
feeling
my
way
towards
from
the
very
beginning
of
my
life
Had
I
spent
a
lifetime
making
my
way
back
to
Christ
It
mocks
humanity
to
think
how
Christ
has
been
overlaid
I
went
along
now
recalling
long
neglected
phrases
and
sentences
I
had
a
new
vision
of
that
great
central
figure
preaching
love
with
hate
and
coarse
thinking
even
in
the
disciples
about
Him
rising
to
a
tidal
wave
at
last
in
that
clamour
for
Barabbas
and
the
public
satisfaction
in
His
fate
Its
curious
to
think
that
hopeless
love
and
a
noisy
disordered
dinner
should
lead
a
man
to
these
speculations
but
they
did
He
DID
mean
that
I
said
and
suddenly
thought
of
what
a
bludgeon
theyd
made
of
His
Christianity
Athwart
that
perplexing
patient
enigma
sitting
inaudibly
among
publicans
and
sinners
danced
and
gibbered
a
long
procession
of
the
champions
of
orthodoxy
He
wasnt
human
I
said
and
remembered
that
last
despairing
cry
My
God
My
God
why
hast
Thou
forsaken
Me
Oh
HE
forsakes
every
one
I
said
flying
out
as
a
tired
mind
will
with
an
obvious
repartee
I
passed
at
a
bound
from
such
monstrous
theology
to
a
towering
rage
against
the
Baileys
In
an
instant
and
with
no
sense
of
absurdity
I
wanted
in
the
intervals
of
love
and
fine
thinking
to
fling
about
that
strenuously
virtuous
couple
I
wanted
to
kick
Keyhole
of
the
PEEPSHOW
into
the
gutter
and
make
a
common
massacre
of
all
the
prosperous
rascaldom
that
makes
a
trade
and
rule
of
virtue
I
can
still
feel
that
transition
In
a
moment
I
had
reached
that
phase
of
weakly
decisive
anger
which
is
for
people
of
my
temperament
the
concomitant
of
exhaustion
I
will
have
her
I
cried
By
Heaven
I
WILL
have
her
Life
mocks
me
and
cheats
me
Nothing
can
be
made
good
to
me
again
Why
shouldnt
I
save
what
I
can
I
cant
save
myself
without
her
I
remember
myself
as
a
sort
of
anti
climax
to
that
rather
tediously
asking
my
way
home
I
was
somewhere
in
the
neighbourhood
of
Holland
Park
It
was
then
between
one
and
two
I
felt
that
I
could
go
home
now
without
any
risk
of
meeting
Margaret
It
had
been
the
thought
of
returning
to
Margaret
that
had
sent
me
wandering
that
night
It
is
one
of
the
ugliest
facts
I
recall
about
that
time
of
crisis
the
intense
aversion
I
felt
for
Margaret
No
sense
of
her
goodness
her
injury
and
nobility
and
the
enormous
generosity
of
her
forgiveness
sufficed
to
mitigate
that
I
hope
now
that
in
this
book
I
am
able
to
give
something
of
her
silvery
splendour
but
all
through
this
crisis
I
felt
nothing
of
that
There
was
a
triumphant
kindliness
about
her
that
I
found
intolerable
She
meant
to
be
so
kind
to
me
to
offer
unstinted
consolation
to
meet
my
needs
to
supply
just
all
she
imagined
Isabel
had
given
me
When
I
left
Tarvrilles
I
felt
I
could
anticipate
exactly
how
she
would
meet
my
homecoming
She
would
be
perplexed
by
my
crumpled
shirt
front
on
which
I
had
spilt
some
drops
of
wine
she
would
overlook
that
by
an
effort
explain
it
sentimentally
resolve
it
should
make
no
difference
to
her
She
would
want
to
know
who
had
been
present
what
we
had
talked
about
show
the
alertest
interest
in
whatever
it
was
it
didnt
matter
what
No
I
couldnt
face
her
So
I
did
not
reach
my
study
until
two
oclock
There
I
remember
stood
the
new
and
very
beautiful
old
silver
candlesticks
that
she
had
set
there
two
days
since
to
please
me
the
foolish
kindliness
of
it
But
in
her
search
for
expression
Margaret
heaped
presents
upon
me
She
had
fitted
these
candlesticks
with
electric
lights
and
I
must
I
suppose
have
lit
them
to
write
my
note
to
Isabel
Give
me
a
word
the
world
aches
without
you
was
all
I
scrawled
though
I
fully
meant
that
she
should
come
to
me
I
knew
though
I
ought
not
to
have
known
that
now
she
had
left
her
flat
she
was
with
the
Balfes
she
was
to
have
been
married
from
the
Balfes
and
I
sent
my
letter
there
And
I
went
out
into
the
silent
square
and
posted
the
note
forthwith
because
I
knew
quite
clearly
that
if
I
left
it
until
morning
I
should
never
post
it
at
all
3
I
had
a
curious
revulsion
of
feeling
that
morning
of
our
meeting
Of
all
places
for
such
a
clandestine
encounter
she
had
chosen
the
bridge
opposite
Buckingham
Palace
Overnight
I
had
been
full
of
self
pity
and
eager
for
the
comfort
of
Isabels
presence
But
the
ill
written
scrawl
in
which
she
had
replied
had
been
full
of
the
suggestion
of
her
own
weakness
and
misery
And
when
I
saw
her
my
own
selfish
sorrows
were
altogether
swept
away
by
a
wave
of
pitiful
tenderness
Something
had
happened
to
her
that
I
did
not
understand
She
was
manifestly
ill
She
came
towards
me
wearily
she
who
had
always
borne
herself
so
bravely
her
shoulders
seemed
bent
and
her
eyes
were
tired
and
her
face
white
and
drawn
All
my
life
has
been
a
narrow
self
centred
life
no
brothers
no
sisters
or
children
or
weak
things
had
ever
yet
made
any
intimate
appeal
to
me
and
suddenly
I
verily
believe
for
the
first
time
in
my
life
I
felt
a
great
passion
of
protective
ownership
I
felt
that
here
was
something
that
I
could
die
to
shelter
something
that
meant
more
than
joy
or
pride
or
splendid
ambitions
or
splendid
creation
to
me
a
new
kind
of
hold
upon
me
a
new
power
in
the
world
Some
sealed
fountain
was
opened
in
my
breast
I
knew
that
I
could
love
Isabel
broken
Isabel
beaten
Isabel
ugly
and
in
pain
more
than
I
could
love
any
sweet
or
delightful
or
glorious
thing
in
life
I
didnt
care
any
more
for
anything
in
the
world
but
Isabel
and
that
I
should
protect
her
I
trembled
as
I
came
near
her
and
could
scarcely
speak
to
her
for
the
emotion
that
filled
me
I
had
your
letter
I
said
I
had
yours
Where
can
we
talk
I
remember
my
lame
sentences
Well
have
a
boat
Thats
best
here
I
took
her
to
the
little
boat
house
and
there
we
hired
a
boat
and
I
rowed
in
silence
under
the
bridge
and
into
the
shade
of
a
tree
The
square
grey
stone
masses
of
the
Foreign
Office
loomed
through
the
twigs
I
remember
and
a
little
space
of
grass
separated
us
from
the
pathway
and
the
scrutiny
of
passers
by
And
there
we
talked
I
had
to
write
to
you
I
said
I
had
to
come
When
are
you
to
be
married
Thursday
week
Well
I
said
But
can
we
She
leant
forward
and
scrutinised
my
face
with
eyes
wide
open
What
do
you
mean
she
said
at
last
in
a
whisper
Can
we
stand
it
After
all
I
looked
at
her
white
face
Can
you
I
said
She
whispered
Your
career
Then
suddenly
her
face
was
contorted
she
wept
silently
exactly
as
a
child
tormented
beyond
endurance
might
suddenly
weep
Oh
I
dont
care
I
cried
now
I
dont
care
Damn
the
whole
system
of
things
Damn
all
this
patching
of
the
irrevocable
I
want
to
take
care
of
you
Isabel
and
have
you
with
me
I
cant
stand
it
she
blubbered
You
neednt
stand
it
I
thought
it
was
best
for
you
I
thought
indeed
it
was
best
for
you
I
thought
even
you
wanted
it
like
that
Couldnt
I
live
alone
as
I
meant
to
do
No
I
said
you
couldnt
Youre
not
strong
enough
Ive
thought
of
that
Ive
got
to
shelter
you
And
I
want
you
I
went
on
Im
not
strong
enough
I
cant
stand
life
without
you
She
stopped
weeping
she
made
a
great
effort
to
control
herself
and
looked
at
me
steadfastly
for
a
moment
I
was
going
to
kill
myself
she
whispered
I
was
going
to
kill
myself
quietly
somehow
I
meant
to
wait
a
bit
and
have
an
accident
I
thought
you
didnt
understand
You
were
a
man
and
couldnt
understand
People
cant
do
as
we
thought
we
could
do
I
said
Weve
gone
too
far
together
Yes
she
said
and
I
stared
into
her
eyes
The
horror
of
it
she
whispered
The
horror
of
being
handed
over
Its
just
only
begun
to
dawn
upon
me
seeing
him
now
as
I
do
He
tries
to
be
kind
to
me
I
didnt
know
I
felt
adventurous
before
It
makes
me
feel
like
all
the
women
in
the
world
who
have
ever
been
owned
and
subdued
Its
not
that
he
isnt
the
best
of
men
its
because
Im
a
part
of
you
I
cant
go
through
with
it
If
I
go
through
with
it
I
shall
be
left
robbed
of
pride
outraged
a
woman
beaten
I
know
I
said
I
know
I
want
to
live
alone
I
dont
care
for
anything
now
but
just
escape
If
you
can
help
me
I
must
take
you
away
Theres
nothing
for
us
but
to
go
away
together
But
your
work
she
said
your
career
Margaret
Our
promises
Weve
made
a
mess
of
things
Isabel
or
things
have
made
a
mess
of
us
I
dont
know
which
Our
flags
are
in
the
mud
anyhow
Its
too
late
to
save
those
other
things
They
have
to
go
You
cant
make
terms
with
defeat
I
thought
it
was
Margaret
needed
me
most
But
its
you
And
I
need
you
I
didnt
think
of
that
either
I
havent
a
doubt
left
in
the
world
now
Weve
got
to
leave
everything
rather
than
leave
each
other
Im
sure
of
it
Now
we
have
gone
so
far
Weve
got
to
go
right
down
to
earth
and
begin
again
Dear
I
WANT
disgrace
with
you
So
I
whispered
to
her
as
she
sat
crumpled
together
on
the
faded
cushions
of
the
boat
this
white
and
weary
young
woman
who
had
been
so
valiant
and
careless
a
girl
I
dont
care
I
said
I
dont
care
for
anything
if
I
can
save
you
out
of
the
wreckage
we
have
made
together
4
The
next
day
I
went
to
the
office
of
the
BLUE
WEEKLY
in
order
to
get
as
much
as
possible
of
its
affairs
in
working
order
before
I
left
London
with
Isabel
I
just
missed
Shoesmith
in
the
lower
office
Upstairs
I
found
Britten
amidst
a
pile
of
outside
articles
methodically
reading
the
title
of
each
and
sometimes
the
first
half
dozen
lines
and
either
dropping
them
in
a
growing
heap
on
the
floor
for
a
clerk
to
return
or
putting
them
aside
for
consideration
I
interrupted
him
squatted
on
the
window
sill
of
the
open
window
and
sketched
out
my
ideas
for
the
session
Youre
far
sighted
he
remarked
at
something
of
mine
which
reached
out
ahead
I
like
to
see
things
prepared
I
answered
Yes
he
said
and
ripped
open
the
envelope
of
a
fresh
aspirant
I
was
silent
while
he
read
Youre
going
away
with
Isabel
Rivers
he
said
abruptly
Well
I
said
amazed
I
know
he
said
and
lost
his
breath
Not
my
business
Only
It
was
queer
to
find
Britten
afraid
to
say
a
thing
Its
not
playing
the
game
he
said
What
do
you
know
Everything
that
matters
Some
games
I
said
are
too
hard
to
play
There
came
a
pause
between
us
I
didnt
know
you
were
watching
all
this
I
said
Yes
he
answered
after
a
pause
Ive
watched
Sorry
sorry
you
dont
approve
It
means
smashing
such
an
infernal
lot
of
things
Remington
I
did
not
answer
Youre
going
away
then
Yes
Soon
Right
away
Theres
vour
wife
I
know
Shoesmith
whom
youre
pledged
to
in
a
manner
Youve
just
picked
him
out
and
made
him
conspicuous
Every
one
will
know
Oh
of
course
its
nothing
to
you
Honour
I
know
Common
decency
I
nodded
All
this
movement
of
ours
Thats
what
I
care
for
most
Its
come
to
be
a
big
thing
Remington
That
will
go
on
We
have
a
use
for
you
no
one
else
quite
fills
it
No
one
Im
not
sure
it
will
go
on
Do
you
think
I
havent
thought
of
all
these
things
He
shrugged
his
shoulders
and
rejected
two
papers
unread
I
knew
he
remarked
when
you
came
back
from
America
You
were
alight
with
it
Then
he
let
his
bitterness
gleam
for
a
moment
But
I
thought
you
would
stick
to
your
bargain
Its
not
so
much
choice
as
you
think
I
said
Theres
always
a
choice
No
I
said
He
scrutinised
my
face
I
cant
live
without
her
I
cant
work
Shes
all
mixed
up
with
this
and
everything
And
besides
theres
things
you
cant
understand
Theres
feelings
youve
never
felt
You
dont
understand
how
much
weve
been
to
one
another
Britten
frowned
and
thought
Some
things
ones
GOT
to
do
he
threw
out
Some
things
one
cant
do
These
infernal
institutions
Some
one
must
begin
I
said
He
shook
his
head
Not
YOU
he
said
No
He
stretched
out
his
hands
on
the
desk
before
him
and
spoke
again
Remington
he
said
Ive
thought
of
this
business
day
and
night
too
It
matters
to
me
It
matters
immensely
to
me
In
a
way
its
a
thing
one
doesnt
often
say
to
a
man
Ive
loved
you
Im
the
sort
of
man
who
leads
a
narrow
life
But
youve
been
something
fine
and
good
for
me
since
that
time
do
you
remember
when
we
talked
about
Mecca
together
I
nodded
Yes
And
youll
always
be
something
fine
and
good
for
me
anyhow
I
know
things
about
you
qualities
no
mere
act
can
destroy
them

Well
I
can
tell
you
youre
doing
wrong
Youre
going
on
now
like
a
man
who
is
hypnotised
and
cant
turn
round
Youre
piling
wrong
on
wrong
It
was
wrong
for
you
two
people
ever
to
be
lovers
He
paused
It
gripped
us
hard
I
said
Yes
but
in
your
position
And
hers
It
was
vile
Youve
not
been
tempted
How
do
you
know
Anyhow
having
done
that
you
ought
to
have
stood
the
consequences
and
thought
of
other
people
You
could
have
ended
it
at
the
first
pause
for
reflection
You
didnt
You
blundered
again
You
kept
on
You
owed
a
certain
secrecy
to
all
of
us
You
didnt
keep
it
You
were
careless
You
made
things
worse
This
engagement
and
this
publicity
Damn
it
Remington
I
know
I
said
with
smarting
eyes
Damn
it
with
all
my
heart
It
came
of
trying
to
patch
You
CANT
patch
And
now
as
I
care
for
anything
under
heaven
Remington
you
two
ought
to
stand
these
last
consequences
and
part
You
ought
to
part
Other
people
have
to
stand
things
Other
people
have
to
part
You
ought
to
You
say
what
do
you
say
Its
loss
of
so
much
life
to
lose
each
other
So
is
losing
a
hand
or
a
leg
But
its
what
youve
incurred
Amputate
Take
your
punishment
After
all
you
chose
it
Oh
damn
I
said
standing
up
and
going
to
the
window
Damn
by
all
means
I
never
knew
a
topic
so
full
of
justifiable
damns
But
you
two
did
choose
it
You
ought
to
stick
to
your
undertaking
I
turned
upon
him
with
a
snarl
in
my
voice
My
dear
Britten
I
cried
Dont
I
KNOW
Im
doing
wrong
Arent
I
in
a
net
Suppose
I
dont
go
Is
there
any
right
in
that
Do
you
think
were
going
to
be
much
to
ourselves
or
any
one
after
this
parting
Ive
been
thinking
all
last
night
of
this
business
trying
it
over
and
over
again
from
the
beginning
How
was
it
we
went
wrong
Since
I
came
back
from
America
I
grant
you
THAT
but
SINCE
theres
never
been
a
step
that
wasnt
forced
that
hadnt
as
much
right
in
it
or
more
as
wrong
You
talk
as
though
I
was
a
thing
of
steel
that
could
bend
this
way
or
that
and
never
change
You
talk
as
though
Isabel
was
a
cat
one
could
give
to
any
kind
of
owner
We
two
are
things
that
change
and
grow
and
alter
all
the
time
Were
so
interwoven
that
being
parted
now
will
leave
us
just
misshapen
cripples
You
dont
know
the
motives
you
dont
know
the
rush
and
feel
of
things
you
dont
know
how
it
was
with
us
and
how
it
is
with
us
You
dont
know
the
hunger
for
the
mere
sight
of
one
another
you
dont
know
anything
Britten
looked
at
his
finger
nails
closely
His
red
face
puckered
to
a
wry
frown
Havent
we
all
at
times
wanted
the
world
put
back
he
grunted
and
looked
hard
and
close
at
one
particular
nail
There
was
a
long
pause
I
want
her
I
said
and
Im
going
to
have
her
Im
too
tired
for
balancing
the
right
or
wrong
of
it
any
more
You
cant
separate
them
I
saw
her
yesterday
Shes
ill
Id
take
her
now
if
death
were
just
outside
the
door
waiting
for
us
Torture
I
thought
Yes
For
her
There
isnt
I
said
If
there
was
I
made
no
answer
Its
blind
Want
And
theres
nothing
ever
been
put
into
you
to
stand
against
it
What
are
you
going
to
do
with
the
rest
of
your
lives
No
end
of
things
Nothing
I
dont
believe
you
are
right
I
said
I
believe
we
can
save
something
Britten
shook
his
head
Some
scraps
of
salvage
wont
excuse
you
he
said
His
indignation
rose
In
the
middle
of
life
he
said
No
man
has
a
right
to
take
his
hand
from
the
plough
He
leant
forward
on
his
desk
and
opened
an
argumentative
palm
You
know
Remington
he
said
and
I
know
that
if
this
could
be
fended
off
for
six
months
if
you
could
be
clapped
in
prison
or
got
out
of
the
way
somehow
until
this
marriage
was
all
over
and
settled
down
for
a
year
say
you
know
then
you
two
could
meet
curious
happy
as
friends
Saved
You
KNOW
it
I
turned
and
stared
at
him
Youre
wrong
Britten
I
said
And
does
it
matter
if
we
could
I
found
that
in
talking
to
him
I
could
frame
the
apologetics
I
had
not
been
able
to
find
for
myself
alone
I
am
certain
of
one
thing
Britten
It
is
our
duty
not
to
hush
up
this
scandal
He
raised
his
eyebrows
I
perceived
now
the
element
of
absurdity
in
me
but
at
the
time
I
was
as
serious
as
a
man
who
is
burning
Its
our
duty
I
went
on
to
smash
now
openly
in
the
sight
of
every
one
Yes
Ive
got
that
as
clean
and
plain
as
prison
whitewash
I
am
convinced
that
we
have
got
to
be
public
to
the
uttermost
now
I
mean
it
until
every
corner
of
our
world
knows
this
story
knows
it
fully
adds
it
to
the
Parnell
story
and
the
Ashton
Dean
story
and
the
Carmel
story
and
the
Witterslea
story
and
all
the
other
stories
that
have
picked
man
after
man
out
of
English
public
life
the
men
with
active
imaginations
the
men
of
strong
initiative
To
think
this
tottering
old
woman
ridden
Empire
should
dare
to
waste
a
man
on
such
a
score
You
say
I
ought
to
be
penitent
Britten
shook
his
head
and
smiled
very
faintly
Im
boiling
with
indignation
I
said
I
lay
in
bed
last
night
and
went
through
it
all
What
in
Gods
name
was
to
be
expected
of
us
but
what
has
happened
I
went
through
my
life
bit
by
bit
last
night
I
recalled
all
Ive
had
to
do
with
virtue
and
women
and
all
I
was
told
and
how
I
was
prepared
I
was
born
into
cowardice
and
debasement
We
all
are
Our
generations
grimy
with
hypocrisy
I
came
to
the
most
beautiful
things
in
life
like
peeping
Tom
of
Coventry
I
was
never
given
a
light
never
given
a
touch
of
natural
manhood
by
all
this
dingy
furtive
canting
humbugging
English
world
Thank
God
Ill
soon
be
out
of
it
The
shame
of
it
The
very
savages
in
Australia
initiate
their
children
better
than
the
English
do
to
day
Neither
of
us
was
ever
given
a
view
of
what
they
call
morality
that
didnt
make
it
show
as
shabby
subservience
as
the
meanest
discretion
an
abject
submission
to
unreasonable
prohibitions
meek
surrender
of
mind
and
body
to
the
dictation
of
pedants
and
old
women
and
fools
We
werent
taught
we
were
mumbled
at
And
when
we
found
that
the
thing
they
called
unclean
unclean
was
Pagan
beauty
God
it
was
a
glory
to
sin
Britten
it
was
a
pride
and
splendour
like
bathing
in
the
sunlight
after
dust
and
grime
Yes
said
Britten
Thats
all
very
well
I
interrupted
him
I
know
theres
a
case
Im
beginning
to
think
it
a
valid
case
against
us
but
we
never
met
it
Theres
a
steely
pride
in
self
restraint
a
nobility
of
chastity
but
only
for
those
who
see
and
think
and
act
untrammeled
and
unafraid
The
other
thing
the
current
thing
why
its
worth
as
much
as
the
chastity
of
a
monkey
kept
in
a
cage
by
itself
I
put
my
foot
in
a
chair
and
urged
my
case
upon
him
This
is
a
dirty
world
Britten
simply
because
it
is
a
muddled
world
and
the
thing
you
call
morality
is
dirtier
now
than
the
thing
you
call
immorality
Why
dont
the
moralists
pick
their
stuff
out
of
the
slime
if
they
care
for
it
and
wipe
it
damn
them
I
am
burning
now
to
say
Yes
we
did
this
and
this
to
all
the
world
All
the
world
I
will
Britten
rubbed
the
palm
of
his
hand
on
the
corner
of
his
desk
Thats
all
very
well
Remington
he
said
You
mean
to
go
He
stopped
and
began
again
If
you
didnt
know
you
were
in
the
wrong
you
wouldnt
be
so
damned
rhetorical
Youre
in
the
wrong
Its
as
plain
to
you
as
it
is
to
me
Youre
leaving
a
big
work
youre
leaving
a
wife
who
trusted
you
to
go
and
live
with
your
jolly
mistress
You
wont
see
youre
a
statesman
that
matters
that
no
single
man
maybe
might
come
to
such
influence
as
you
in
the
next
ten
years
Youre
throwing
yourself
away
and
accusing
your
country
of
rejecting
you
He
swung
round
upon
his
swivel
at
me
Remington
he
said
have
you
forgotten
the
immense
things
our
movement
means
I
thought
Perhaps
I
am
rhetorical
I
said
But
the
things
we
might
achieve
If
youd
only
stay
now
even
now
Oh
youd
suffer
a
little
socially
but
what
of
that
Youd
be
able
to
go
on
perhaps
all
the
better
for
hostility
of
the
kind
youd
get
You
know
Remington
you
KNOW
I
thought
and
went
back
to
his
earlier
point
If
I
am
rhetorical
at
any
rate
its
a
living
feeling
behind
it
Yes
I
remember
all
the
implications
of
our
aims
very
splendid
very
remote
But
just
now
its
rather
like
offering
to
give
a
freezing
man
the
sunlit
Himalayas
from
end
to
end
in
return
for
his
camp
fire
When
you
talk
of
me
and
my
jolly
mistress
it
isnt
fair
That
misrepresents
everything
Im
not
going
out
of
this
for
delights
Thats
the
sort
of
thing
men
like
Snuffles
and
Keyhole
imagine
that
excites
them
When
I
think
of
the
things
these
creatures
think
Ugh
But
YOU
know
better
You
know
that
physical
passion
that
burns
like
a
fire
ends
clean
Im
going
for
love
Britten
if
I
sinned
for
passion
Im
going
Britten
because
when
I
saw
her
the
other
day
she
HURT
me
She
hurt
me
damnably
Britten
Ive
been
a
cold
man
Ive
led
a
rhetorical
life
you
hit
me
with
that
word
I
put
things
in
a
windy
way
I
know
but
what
has
got
hold
of
me
at
last
is
her
pain
Shes
ill
Dont
you
understand
Shes
a
sick
thing
a
weak
thing
Shes
no
more
a
goddess
than
Im
a
god
Im
not
in
love
with
her
now
Im
RAW
with
love
for
her
I
feel
like
a
man
thats
been
flayed
I
have
been
flayed
You
dont
begin
to
imagine
the
sort
of
helpless
solicitude
Shes
not
going
to
do
things
easily
shes
ill
Her
courage
fails
Its
hard
to
put
things
when
one
isnt
rhetorical
but
its
this
Britten
there
are
distresses
that
matter
more
than
all
the
delights
or
achievements
in
the
world
I
made
her
what
she
is
as
I
never
made
Margaret
Ive
made
her
Ive
broken
her
Im
going
with
my
own
woman
The
rest
of
my
life
and
England
and
so
forth
must
square
itself
to
that
For
a
long
time
as
it
seemed
we
remained
silent
and
motionless
Wed
said
all
we
had
to
say
My
eyes
caught
a
printed
slip
upon
the
desk
before
him
and
I
came
back
abruptly
to
the
paper
I
picked
up
this
galley
proof
It
was
one
of
Winters
essays
This
man
goes
on
doing
first
rate
stuff
I
said
I
hope
you
will
keep
him
going
He
did
not
answer
for
a
moment
or
so
Ill
keep
him
going
he
said
at
last
with
a
sigh
5
I
have
a
letter
Margaret
wrote
me
within
a
week
of
our
flight
I
cannot
resist
transcribing
some
of
it
here
because
it
lights
things
as
no
word
of
mine
can
do
It
is
a
string
of
nearly
inconsecutive
thoughts
written
in
pencil
in
a
fine
tall
sprawling
hand
Its
very
inconsecutiveness
is
essential
Many
words
are
underlined
It
was
in
answer
to
one
from
me
but
what
I
wrote
has
passed
utterly
from
my
mind
Certainly
she
says
I
want
to
hear
from
you
but
I
do
not
want
to
see
you
Theres
a
sort
of
abstract
YOU
that
I
want
to
go
on
with
Something
Ive
made
out
of
you
I
want
to
know
things
about
you
but
I
dont
want
to
see
or
feel
or
imagine
When
some
day
I
have
got
rid
of
my
intolerable
sense
of
proprietorship
it
may
be
different
Then
perhaps
we
may
meet
again
I
think
it
is
even
more
the
loss
of
our
political
work
and
dreams
that
I
am
feeling
than
the
loss
of
your
presence
Aching
loss
I
thought
so
much
of
the
things
we
were
DOING
for
the
world
had
given
myself
so
unreservedly
Youve
left
me
with
nothing
to
DO
I
am
suddenly
at
loose
ends
We
women
are
trained
to
be
so
dependent
on
a
man
Ive
got
no
life
of
my
own
at
all
It
seems
now
to
me
that
I
wore
my
clothes
even
for
you
and
your
schemes
After
I
have
told
myself
a
hundred
times
why
this
has
happened
I
ask
again
Why
did
he
give
things
up
Why
did
he
give
things
up
It
is
just
as
though
you
were
wilfully
dead
Then
I
ask
again
and
again
whether
this
thing
need
have
happened
at
all
whether
if
I
had
had
a
warning
if
I
had
understood
better
I
might
not
have
adapted
myself
to
your
restless
mind
and
made
this
catastrophe
impossible
Oh
my
dear
why
hadnt
you
the
pluck
to
hurt
me
at
the
beginning
and
tell
me
what
you
thought
of
me
and
life
You
didnt
give
me
a
chance
not
a
chance
I
suppose
you
couldnt
All
these
things
you
and
I
stood
away
from
You
let
my
first
repugnances
repel
you
It
is
strange
to
think
after
all
these
years
that
I
should
be
asking
myself
do
I
love
you
have
I
loved
you
In
a
sense
I
think
I
HATE
you
I
feel
you
have
taken
my
life
dragged
it
in
your
wake
for
a
time
thrown
it
aside
I
am
resentful
Unfairly
resentful
for
why
should
I
exact
that
you
should
watch
and
understand
my
life
when
clearly
I
have
understood
so
little
of
yours
But
I
am
savage
savage
at
the
wrecking
of
all
you
were
to
do
Oh
why
why
did
you
give
things
up
No
human
being
is
his
own
to
do
what
he
likes
with
You
were
not
only
pledged
to
my
tiresome
ineffectual
companionship
but
to
great
purposes
They
ARE
great
purposes
If
only
I
could
take
up
your
work
as
you
leave
it
with
the
strength
you
had
then
indeed
I
feel
I
could
let
you
go
you
and
your
young
mistress
All
that
matters
so
little
to
me
Yet
I
think
I
must
indeed
love
you
yourself
in
my
slower
way
At
times
I
am
mad
with
jealousy
at
the
thought
of
all
I
hadnt
the
wit
to
give
you
Ive
always
hidden
my
tears
from
you
and
what
was
in
my
heart
Its
my
nature
to
hide
and
you
you
want
things
brought
to
you
to
see
You
are
so
curious
as
to
be
almost
cruel
You
dont
understand
reserves
You
have
no
mercy
with
restraints
and
reservations
You
arc
not
really
a
CIVILISED
man
at
all
You
hate
pretences
and
not
only
pretences
but
decent
coverings
Its
only
after
one
has
lost
love
and
the
chance
of
loving
that
slow
people
like
myself
find
what
they
might
have
done
Why
wasnt
I
bold
and
reckless
and
abandoned
Its
as
reasonable
to
ask
that
I
suppose
as
to
ask
why
my
hair
is
fair
I
go
on
with
these
perhapses
over
and
over
again
here
when
I
find
myself
alone
My
dear
my
dear
you
cant
think
of
the
desolation
of
things
I
shall
never
go
back
to
that
house
we
furnished
together
that
was
to
have
been
the
laboratory
do
you
remember
calling
it
a
laboratory
in
which
you
were
to
forge
so
much
of
the
new
order
But
dear
if
I
can
help
you
even
now
in
any
way
help
both
of
you
I
mean
It
tears
me
when
I
think
of
you
poor
and
discredited
You
will
let
me
help
you
if
I
can
it
will
be
the
last
wrong
not
to
let
me
do
that
You
had
better
not
get
ill
If
you
do
and
I
hear
of
it
I
shall
come
after
you
with
a
troupe
of
doctors
and
nurses
If
I
am
a
failure
as
a
wife
no
one
has
ever
said
I
was
anything
but
a
success
as
a
district
visitor
There
are
other
sheets
but
I
cannot
tell
whether
they
were
written
before
or
after
the
ones
from
which
I
have
quoted
And
most
of
them
have
little
things
too
intimate
to
set
down
But
this
oddly
penetrating
analysis
of
our
differences
must
I
think
be
given
There
are
all
sorts
of
things
I
cant
express
about
this
and
want
to
Theres
this
difference
that
has
always
been
between
us
that
you
like
nakedness
and
wildness
and
I
clothing
and
restraint
It
goes
through
everything
You
are
always
TALKING
of
order
and
system
and
the
splendid
dream
of
the
order
that
might
replace
the
muddled
system
you
hate
but
by
a
sort
of
instinct
you
seem
to
want
to
break
the
law
Ive
watched
you
so
closely
Now
I
want
to
obey
laws
to
make
sacrifices
to
follow
rules
I
dont
want
to
make
but
I
do
want
to
keep
You
are
at
once
makers
and
rebels
you
and
Isabel
too
Youre
bad
people
criminal
people
I
feel
and
yet
full
of
something
the
world
must
have
Youre
so
much
better
than
me
and
so
much
viler
It
may
be
there
is
no
making
without
destruction
but
it
seems
to
me
sometimes
that
it
is
nothing
but
an
instinct
for
lawlessness
that
drives
you
You
remind
me
do
you
remember
of
that
time
we
went
from
Naples
to
Vesuvius
and
walked
over
the
hot
new
lava
there
Do
you
remember
how
tired
I
was
I
know
it
disappointed
you
that
I
was
tired
One
walked
there
in
spite
of
the
heat
because
there
was
a
crust
like
custom
like
law
But
directly
a
crust
forms
on
things
you
are
restless
to
break
down
to
the
fire
again
You
talk
of
beauty
both
of
you
as
something
terrible
mysterious
imperative
YOUR
beauty
is
something
altogether
different
from
anything
I
know
or
feel
It
has
pain
in
it
Yet
you
always
speak
as
though
it
was
something
I
ought
to
feel
and
am
dishonest
not
to
feel
MY
beauty
is
a
quiet
thing
You
have
always
laughed
at
my
feeling
for
old
fashioned
chintz
and
blue
china
and
Sheraton
But
I
like
all
these
familiar
USED
things
My
beauty
is
STILL
beauty
and
yours
is
excitement
I
know
nothing
of
the
fascination
of
the
fire
or
why
one
should
go
deliberately
out
of
all
the
decent
fine
things
of
life
to
run
dangers
and
be
singed
and
tormented
and
destroyed
I
dont
understand
6
I
remember
very
freshly
the
mood
of
our
departure
from
London
the
platform
of
Charing
Cross
with
the
big
illuminated
clock
overhead
the
bustle
of
porters
and
passengers
with
luggage
the
shouting
of
newsboys
and
boys
with
flowers
and
sweets
and
the
groups
of
friends
seeing
travellers
off
by
the
boat
train
Isabel
sat
very
quiet
and
still
in
the
compartment
and
I
stood
upon
the
platform
with
the
door
open
with
a
curious
reluctance
to
take
the
last
step
that
should
sever
me
from
Londons
ground
I
showed
our
tickets
and
bought
a
handful
of
red
roses
for
her
At
last
came
the
guards
crying
Take
your
seats
and
I
got
in
and
closed
the
door
on
me
We
had
thank
Heaven
a
compartment
to
ourselves
I
let
down
the
window
and
stared
out
There
was
a
bustle
of
final
adieux
on
the
platform
a
cry
of
Stand
away
please
stand
away
and
the
train
was
gliding
slowly
and
smoothly
out
of
the
station
I
looked
out
upon
the
river
as
the
train
rumbled
with
slowly
gathering
pace
across
the
bridge
and
the
bobbing
black
heads
of
the
pedestrians
in
the
footway
and
the
curve
of
the
river
and
the
glowing
great
hotels
and
the
lights
and
reflections
and
blacknesses
of
that
old
familiar
spectacle
Then
with
a
common
thought
we
turned
our
eyes
westward
to
where
the
pinnacles
of
Westminster
and
the
shining
clock
tower
rose
hard
and
clear
against
the
still
luminous
sky
Theyll
be
in
Committee
on
the
Reformatory
Bill
to
night
I
said
a
little
stupidly
And
so
I
added
good
bye
to
London
We
said
no
more
but
watched
the
south
side
streets
below
bright
gleams
of
lights
and
movement
and
the
dark
dim
monstrous
shapes
of
houses
and
factories
We
ran
through
Waterloo
Station
London
Bridge
New
Cross
St
Johns
We
said
never
a
word
It
seemed
to
me
that
for
a
time
we
had
exhausted
our
emotions
We
had
escaped
we
had
cut
our
knot
we
had
accepted
the
last
penalty
of
that
headlong
return
of
mine
from
Chicago
a
year
and
a
half
ago
That
was
all
settled
That
harvest
of
feelings
we
had
reaped
I
thought
now
only
of
London
of
London
as
the
symbol
of
all
we
were
leaving
and
all
we
had
lost
in
the
world
I
felt
nothing
now
but
an
enormous
and
overwhelming
regret
The
train
swayed
and
rattled
on
its
way
We
ran
through
old
Bromstead
where
once
I
had
played
with
cities
and
armies
on
the
nursery
floor
The
sprawling
suburbs
with
their
scattered
lights
gave
way
to
dim
tree
set
country
under
a
cloud
veiled
intermittently
shining
moon
We
passed
Cardcaster
Place
Perhaps
old
Wardingham
that
pillar
of
the
old
Conservatives
was
there
fretting
over
his
unsuccessful
struggle
with
our
young
Toryism
Little
he
recked
of
this
new
turn
of
the
wheel
and
how
it
would
confirm
his
contempt
of
all
our
novelties
Perhaps
some
faint
intimation
drew
him
to
the
window
to
see
behind
the
stems
of
the
young
fir
trees
that
bordered
his
domain
the
little
string
of
lighted
carriage
windows
gliding
southward
Suddenly
I
began
to
realise
just
what
it
was
we
were
doing
And
now
indeed
I
knew
what
London
had
been
to
me
London
where
I
had
been
born
and
educated
the
slovenly
mother
of
my
mind
and
all
my
ambitions
London
and
the
empire
It
seemed
to
me
we
must
be
going
out
to
a
world
that
was
utterly
empty
All
our
significance
fell
from
us
and
before
us
was
no
meaning
any
more
We
were
leaving
London
my
hand
which
had
gripped
so
hungrily
upon
its
complex
life
had
been
forced
from
it
my
fingers
left
their
hold
That
was
over
I
should
never
have
a
voice
in
public
affairs
again
The
inexorable
unwritten
law
which
forbids
overt
scandal
sentenced
me
We
were
going
out
to
a
new
life
a
life
that
appeared
in
that
moment
to
be
a
mere
shrivelled
remnant
of
me
a
mere
residuum
of
sheltering
and
feeding
and
seeing
amidst
alien
scenery
and
the
sound
of
unfamiliar
tongues
We
were
going
to
live
cheaply
in
a
foreign
place
so
cut
off
that
I
meet
now
the
merest
stray
tourist
the
commonest
tweed
clad
stranger
with
a
mixture
of
shyness
and
hunger
And
suddenly
all
the
schemes
I
was
leaving
appeared
fine
and
adventurous
and
hopeful
as
they
had
never
done
before
How
great
was
this
purpose
I
had
relinquished
this
bold
and
subtle
remaking
of
the
English
will
I
had
doubted
so
many
things
and
now
suddenly
I
doubted
my
unimportance
doubted
my
right
to
this
suicidal
abandonment
Was
I
not
a
trusted
messenger
greatly
trusted
and
favoured
who
had
turned
aside
by
the
way
Had
I
not
after
all
stood
for
far
more
than
I
had
thought
was
I
not
filching
from
that
dear
great
city
of
my
birth
and
life
some
vitally
necessary
thing
a
key
a
link
a
reconciling
clue
in
her
political
development
that
now
she
might
seek
vaguely
for
in
vain
What
is
one
life
against
the
State
Ought
I
not
to
have
sacrificed
Isabel
and
all
my
passion
and
sorrow
for
Isabel
and
held
to
my
thing
stuck
to
my
thing
I
heard
as
though
he
had
spoken
it
in
the
carriage
Brittens
It
WAS
a
good
game
No
end
of
a
game
And
for
the
first
time
I
imagined
the
faces
and
voices
of
Crupp
and
Esmeer
and
Gane
when
they
learnt
of
this
secret
flight
this
flight
of
which
they
were
quite
unwarned
And
Shoesmith
might
he
there
in
the
house
Shoesmith
who
was
to
have
been
married
in
four
days
the
thing
might
hit
him
full
in
front
of
any
kind
of
people
Cruel
eyes
might
watch
him
Why
the
devil
hadnt
I
written
letters
to
warn
them
all
I
could
have
posted
them
five
minutes
before
the
train
started
I
had
never
thought
to
that
moment
of
the
immense
mess
they
would
be
in
how
the
whole
edifice
would
clatter
about
their
ears
I
had
a
sudden
desire
to
stop
the
train
and
go
back
for
a
day
for
two
days
to
set
that
negligence
right
My
brain
for
a
moment
brightened
became
animated
and
prolific
of
ideas
I
thought
of
a
brilliant
line
we
might
have
taken
on
that
confounded
Reformatory
Bill
That
sort
of
thing
was
over
What
indeed
wasnt
over
I
passed
to
a
vaguer
more
multitudinous
perception
of
disaster
the
friends
I
had
lost
already
since
Altiora
began
her
campaign
the
ampler
remnant
whom
now
I
must
lose
I
thought
of
people
I
had
been
merry
with
people
I
had
worked
with
and
played
with
the
companions
of
talkative
walks
the
hostesses
of
houses
that
had
once
glowed
with
welcome
for
us
both
I
perceived
we
must
lose
them
all
I
saw
life
like
a
tree
in
late
autumn
that
had
once
been
rich
and
splendid
with
friends
and
now
the
last
brave
dears
would
be
hanging
on
doubtfully
against
the
frosty
chill
of
facts
twisting
and
tortured
in
the
universal
gale
of
indignation
trying
to
evade
the
cold
blast
of
the
truth
I
had
betrayed
my
party
my
intimate
friend
my
wife
the
wife
whose
devotion
had
made
me
what
I
was
For
awhile
the
figure
of
Margaret
remote
wounded
shamed
dominated
my
mind
and
the
thought
of
my
immense
ingratitude
Damn
them
theyd
take
it
out
of
her
too
I
had
a
feeling
that
I
wanted
to
go
straight
back
and
grip
some
one
by
the
throat
some
one
talking
ill
of
Margaret
Theyd
blame
her
for
not
keeping
me
for
letting
things
go
so
far
I
wanted
the
whole
world
to
know
how
fine
she
was
I
saw
in
imagination
the
busy
excited
dinner
tables
at
work
upon
us
all
rather
pleasantly
excited
brightly
indignant
merciless
Well
its
the
stuff
we
are
Then
suddenly
stabbing
me
to
the
heart
came
a
vision
of
Margarets
tears
and
the
sound
of
her
voice
saying
Husband
mine
Oh
husband
mine
To
see
you
cry
I
came
out
of
a
cloud
of
thoughts
to
discover
the
narrow
compartment
with
its
feeble
lamp
overhead
and
our
rugs
and
hand
baggage
swaying
on
the
rack
and
Isabel
very
still
in
front
of
me
gripping
my
wilting
red
roses
tightly
in
her
bare
and
ringless
hand
For
a
moment
I
could
not
understand
her
attitude
and
then
I
perceived
she
was
sitting
bent
together
with
her
head
averted
from
the
light
to
hide
the
tears
that
were
streaming
down
her
face
She
had
not
got
her
handkerchief
out
for
fear
that
I
should
see
this
but
I
saw
her
tears
dark
drops
of
tears
upon
her
sleeve
I
suppose
she
had
been
watching
my
expression
divining
my
thoughts
For
a
time
I
stared
at
her
and
was
motionless
in
a
sort
of
still
and
weary
amazement
Why
had
we
done
this
injury
to
one
another
WHY
Then
something
stirred
within
me
ISABEL
I
whispered
She
made
no
sign
Isabel
I
repeated
and
then
crossed
over
to
her
and
crept
closely
to
her
put
my
arm
about
her
and
drew
her
wet
cheek
to
mine
End
of
Project
Gutenbergs
Etext
of
The
New
Machiavelli
by
H
G
Wells